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anerdinallherglory · 4 years

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Approaching Sun (29)

Author’s Note: Happy Halloween! Sorry this is so late everyone. I am currently writing my thesis for graduate college (the very reason why this chapter is not longer) and it has been sucking up ALL of my time in combination with Covid-19 face-to-face teaching and virtual teaching. In short, my life has been a walking list of “to-do’s” which causes me to neglect my writing. This chapter is dedicated to zeidika (hope you are reading this) who reviewed my story back in July. I occasionally think about your message and it keeps me going through stressful times. I hope your upcoming graduation is a memorable moment and that your son is doing well. You inspire me too! Congrats on the outstanding GPA! I am hoping to follow you soon with graduation!

Please let me know what you guys think. More action-packed chapters coming your way soon (hopefully).

P.S. While you are waiting on more chapters of A.S., go check out my new mystery/horror fiction story, “Beneath the Harlow Grove” by @anerdinallherglory on Wattpad.

Pairing: SasuSaku

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

Chapter 29: A Generation of Weaklings

Sasuke blasted through a few too many red-dirt mountains in Kaguya’s core dimension. With every blast, he felt more like himself. Something chemical happened in his brain when he tunneled raw chakra through his veins; it helped him adopt the right mindset. Sasuke found that the quickest way to erase his thoughts was to surrender them to his shinobi persona who had to be focused. That chakra felt like a jolt to his nervous system, reminding him of himself and his shinobi goal.

Of course, now that he was less distracted, he found himself too depleted of chakra to do anything more than take a breather. Now that he was in the core dimension, Sasuke would have to adjust his plans. Previously, the Uchiha had been trying to cross into the desert dimension without going through the middle dimension. Now that he had jumped ship and escaped here by instinct, he was going to have to do this whole thing in reverse. Logically, his next step would have to be crossing into the desert dimension and then overpassing this core dimension directly to Kunagakure. All this would require a lot of chakra.

Just to speed up the process, Sasuke momentarily considered swallowing one of the chakra pills that he had swiped before his cold exit hours before into this dimension. It might be a good idea for experimentation purposes, but Sasuke knew enough about shortcuts to comprehend that chakra pills would do more harm than good, which is why they were typically reserved. It was best, the Uchiha decided strategically, to take the pill when he was at his chakra max, so he could ultimately top it off and have just the right amount to make the jump.

And besides, Sasuke just didn’t have enough time or chakra to experiment recklessly. He would get one shot to try it before he had to wait a significant amount of time for his chakra to replenish enough to try it again if he failed. Not to mention in what ways he would have to recover from whatever side effects he would suffer through from abusing the chakra pills.

Sasuke pinched his nose in concentration and tried his best to expel Sakura from his mind while he waited. And it worked just enough, for the most part…consciously—until he fell asleep that night and dreamt of her, his suppressed thoughts confronting him in his subconscious. He had developed a habit of dreaming about Sakura lately, so this wasn’t something new to him. His dreams of her usually involved her imminent death; an enemy threatening her life in a way that Sasuke was too late to prevent. This was the case. Usually. But something about that kiss earlier had unnerved Sasuke, transforming his instinctual focus on her from one of concern to one of…how would he describe it? Desire? Hope? Longing? None of those words seemed acceptable to the Uchiha; he hated to have to admit to any of those feelings even when dreaming.

In this dream, he was back in that damn medicine preparation room, glaring into Sakura’s green eyes after that unexpected kiss. But this time, instead of sensibly leaving, the Uchiha gave in to her desperate pleadings, taking her chin between his fingertips and bringing her mouth back to his. In this dream, Sasuke kissed her. Was kissing her frenziedly, hand suddenly twisting in the pink fuzz at the nape of her hot, flushed neck. Was, until a hand clamped firmly on his shoulder, jerking him abruptly back away from her. When he turned, Sasuke was face-to-face with himself. His conscious self vs. the subconscious.

When Sasuke woke, he laughed derisively as he realized he would always be the one to get in his own way in both reality and fiction.

“Good,” he said aloud to the airless dimension, suddenly frustrated for fantasizing about the opposite scenario of the one he had chosen. He hoped Kaguya, or others like her, somehow were able to hear him through this connection of dimensions. They would see just how determined he was to rid the world of them; how dedicated he was to protect those he loved. So much so, that he would sacrifice and surrender every aspect of his life to this goal.

Sasuke stood then, forming the hand sign to split the dimension in the space before him until raging sand materialized before his eyes. He decided he would just not sleep; not unless he was so tired that he wouldn’t even have enough left in him to dream.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sakura was a quick learner. The medical ninja gave herself that credit at least as she imitated the slow intake and exhale of breath that professed sleep. This certainly wasn’t her first kidnapping. Half a year ago, Kido had done just exactly that and as soon as his posse realized she was awake, the show had begun. Sakura’s poison-trained system had finally started to break down whatever sleep-induced toxin Mako had spiked her drink with. With no conception of how long she had been unconscious, Sakura had become cognizant and immediately began to mimic an undisturbed state. This time, she was set on listening. This time, she would assess and strategically plan.

She had been waiting to hear the answer as to “why” she found herself in this particular situation as she was dragged, then hoisted over someone’s shoulder. For a blurry second, Sakura was taken back to her drunken episode several weeks ago when Sasuke carried her home after the medic had decided to deplete Tsunade’s alcohol stash. The only similarity between this state of stupor and that one was the pounding headache that made Sakura want to vomit. That was when memory caught up with her and she began to “act.”

She was exchanged from one shoulder to the next and Sakura realized suddenly that she had been carried by Mako up until this point--that bastard--and was being surrendered to someone else. She didn’t know the voice.

“Great job,” a guttural accent commended Mako for his successful abduction. Sakura planned on commending him herself once she regained the upper hand.

“Just shut up and walk,” came Mako’s voice, in a tone that sent shivers down Sakura’s spine. She had never heard him speak like that. How could she have been played by him this whole time?

Sakura began to second-guess her decision to pretend the longer that they walked. In cases of abduction, it was well known that a person’s chances of survival drastically dropped if the kidnapper succeeded in moving them to a second location. But Sakura thought of Isao, her patients, her coworkers, and even Sasuke and resolved herself. It was better for them if she could allow these maniacs to believe that they had got her. What they didn’t know, was that their mistake would be getting Sakura just far enough away from civilians where she could cause some real damage. She had handled Kido; she could take care of these two as well. Neither of them could have anticipated her other skillset; Mako didn’t know her well enough.

When they had dropped her not so gracefully onto her back an hour later, Sakura bit the inside of her cheek to keep from making a pained groan or facial expression to give away her performance. Other voices chimed in then, and Sakura realized her adversaries had just doubled.

“About damn time,” someone drawled as she was dropped. “You couldn’t have taken care of this sooner?”

There was some shuffling as her capturers arranged themselves in what sounded like a cramped space.

Mako announced: “She’s surprisingly resistant. Not to mention Uchiha’s been around just until recently.”

That particular statement wounded Sakura a little more than the fall she just sustained. Of course, this was all about Sasuke. She should have known. Kido had kidnapped her for this same reason: to lure in Sasuke, kill her in front of him so his eyes would change. Sakura was starting to get pretty annoyed with people trying to use her to get to Sasuke—as if she would ever let that happen. When would they learn that things weren’t so black and white? Mako’s previous statement the morning of her capture began to make more sense to her now: “Well, it’s obvious that he likes you. To be honest, I thought you were already a couple.” And Sakura cursed her mouth for confiding in him because now she identified his interest as a predatory investigation.

“Or maybe you just weren’t trying hard enough because you liked her,” came a response from a voice Sakura seemed to recognize for some reason. It was different from the rest—distinctively female. Sakura mentally raised an eyebrow at that fact.

“Believe me, that’s not the case” came Mako’s defense. “Ashuwa just didn’t do the trick on a medical specialist as we had hoped.”

And then Sakura was cursing. Cursing a stream of silent words that wouldn’t do her any good to express verbally now that she was getting information. The bastard had even convinced her that Sasuke should take it. She thanked the universe for Sasuke’s non-allergic reaction to it.

“What ended up working?” came the female voice again, expressing honest curiosity.

“Tea and kindness,” Mako stated unemotionally, eager to move past the topic. “Now let’s get on with this.”

“Of course,” said the female again, tossing what sounded like clanging metal onto the floor at his feet. “You have been given a position among us as promised for your service. Welcome.”

Sakura couldn’t resist. She snuck a peek through the corner of her eyelashes at them then and did not like what she saw. She was in a small gathering room with a domed ceiling, one of the many adobe homes on the outskirts of the Sand Village. She had also miscounted by 1. There were four of them, an extra silent companion seated & leaning against the wall farthest from her, seemingly uninterested. In the same second, Sakura also noted that Mako had bent down to retrieve something she recognized, a headband with a foreign symbol etched onto it—the same symbol she had seen on the headbands of their assailants back at the Tanigakure lodge. She made the connection: these were the same ninja who had followed Sakura and ambushed her and Sasuke in the night. The ninja she had recounted to Gaara, who was supposedly on their trail. How did they manage to get past him?

Just as Sakura thought this, an unexpected thud came from the ceiling accompanied by the crumbling sound of sand. Quiet consumed them as no one moved. Sakura observed quietly as all ninja revealed their weapons in silence as if they were snakes quietly coiling back to strike.

The man in the corner nodded toward the door, and the ninja closest to Sakura’s head disbanded from the group and disappeared within a second. Once outside, the same ninja began swearing loudly at some surprise. Everyone in the room relaxed as a child’s vocal squirming reached their years. The shuffling continued as this child was being brought inside.

“Damn kid must have followed us!” the returning ninja said in annoyance. “Got some bite to him.”

If Sakura hadn’t been laying down already, she would have collapsed in shock and fear at the memorable voice of the child they had just apprehended and threw down next to her. “Get away from me!” Isao shouted, the boy swinging a kunai out in front of him. They laughed wickedly at the boy’s ferocity.

Okay, show’s over.

Protective instincts kicked in swiftly as Sakura successfully reached forward and stole the kunai away from the child in less than a blinking second. There were unanimous intakes of breath throughout the room as Sakura managed to get Isao behind her and compress the blade threateningly against the esophagus of the man who had touched the both of them—it all happened within a microsecond. Sakura’s sudden revival activated the group’s defense and they were upon her, but she let out a snarl, drawing blood against the man’s throat.

They immediately stopped their advance when the man she had ensnared began to laugh, throat nicking against the knife as he did so. “Do it already,” he breathed through his laugh. “My death will be a part of this effort. It will only help us in our cause.”

Sakura was certainly tempted by that. The way he had roughly handled Isao seconds before with his colossal insensitive hands was like a fresh and bloody burn on her skin, painful and needing the immediate relief of this man’s execution. But something in his words froze her hand. A cause?

“Glad you are finally awake,” came Mako’s distinct tone, a vicious friendliness warming the words again.

“Shut up you liar,” Sakura spat viciously.

“If you let him go, we’ll tell you why we are going to kill you,” came the female’s voice, and Sakura flashed her angry green eyes over in the woman’s direction. Her face and hair were covered, and Sakura acknowledged the same black shemagh that had concealed her attackers in Tanigakure.

Fat chance, she thought. Sakura immediately assessed her chakra levels and was aggravated by how slow chakra was reacting to her body’s summoning of it. Mako was a fellow medic, and Sakura deduced that whatever he had given her had strategically messed with her system and chakra connection. Sakura mutely criticized herself for trusting Mako. How many times would she be tricked in her lifetime? Probably many more, but she would learn from them all. Oh well, she thought. She had had worse odds before. Her only additional complication was Isao because now she was responsible for herself and the 11-year-old boy who had pursued after her. Had he somehow witnessed Mako’s abduction of her?

It was at this moment that the woman at the front of the room began to take off her mask, and Sakura almost dropped the knife altogether. As the black wrap was loosened and it slumped around the woman’s neck, Sakura immediately recognized the face of Hisa, the female medic ninja who had been her assistant throughout Sakura’s entire stay in Kunagakure. Even Isao behind her, gasped when he saw the woman who had helped take care of him.

Sakura’s moment of surprise was all it took for the ninja she stood behind to reach his hand lightning-quick between his own throat and the kunai. He grabbed on to Sakura’s wielded wrist with his left hand and flung her forward over his shoulder. She mentally cursed as she went flying toward the forefront of the room, landing painfully into the opposite wall. She practically went through it, and the side of the adobe house collapsed around her. As she fell, Sakura realized that the brute force used against her revealed their intention to truly kill her. They weren’t planning on preserving her, let alone sparing her life.

Sakura had been launched farther than she initially realized because when she managed to rise from the dust and sand, she winced at the other consequences of her distraction that was now beyond reach. One by one, the villains stepped through the new door that Sakura had made, carrying Isao with them. In the next second, Isao was tossed to the sand, screaming threats and clutching at the thug man’s foot that suddenly pinned down his chest. When the beast applied pressure to the child’s sternum, Isao began to moan in pain.

The sight enraged her, and she broke her silence. “You’re wrong if you think this plan of yours will work!” she screamed at them. “I am nothing to Sasuke. Nothing to anyone, do you hear me?!”

All but the quiet man snickered in response to her declarations, but she continued, seething through her teeth.

“He will not come to save me! You will not get what you want by using me! Let the child go!”

“This isn’t about Sasuke,” replied the wraith-like man who came last through the shattered side of the building’s exterior wall. For the first time since her awakening, the still man walked to the head of the party and addressed her. “Neither is it about the Hokage, or even the Jinchurki. This is about you.”

The night suddenly seemed starless, dark, and void of all sound save the squealing wind. As the stranger spoke this truth, three of the other members flanked his sides before fanning out beside him like Tamari’s fan, creating a close-knit semi-circle. The phantom-like man stood casually in the middle, his face cloaked in the combined darkness of night and the face wrapping he wore. As Sakura looked closer, even this man’s eyes, the only thing that could be seen between the black fabric, seemed like depthless holes of nothing. This man reminded Sakura of a walking desert mirage, some sort of shadow demon hiding in human clothing.

Sakura gritted her teeth as her body instinctively begged her to flee. Isao’s need for her overpowered that. She would die before abandoning him.

“Me?” Sakura asked instead, revealing her honest surprise. “What do you want with me?” It was a trick, the kunoichi told herself. What could they possibly have to gain from killing her when much more powerful figures literally walked side by side with Sakura? There was nothing to gain besides Sasuke’s, Naruto’s, or Kakashi’s ultimate death, defeat, or capture.

“Your efforts to fix the ‘mentally ill’ goes against the philosophy of our newly founded group,” came Hisa’s poison-dripped answer. Sakura noted that they all took a step toward her in synchrony, tightening in on her a little closer. This practiced pack was testing her and Sakura took a step back to match their own. She was smart enough not to let them surround her like the meal they believed her to be. Sakura felt suddenly empathetic for those mother animals who felt torn between their captured young and their own safety. Let them believe that she was this helpless observer who reeked with fear.

“And what philosophy is that?” She asked, imitating the breaks of a trembling in her throat. She practically seeped the question with distress. It must have had the effect Sakura wanted, for her enemies smiled in response and took another step toward her.

With an insanity that Sakura had not heard in his statements before, Mako declared emphatically, “Progression!”

Sakura couldn’t wait to punch his teeth so far down his throat that Mako’s vocal cords and epiglottis would permanently suffer damage.

Sakura stammered again, portraying the weakness they wished to see. “Pro--progression?” Another step back. Just a little more.

“Whether or not it is your intention, you will create a shinobi generation of weaklings,” stated the leader again. He essentially breathed more darkness, because the night around her suddenly grew thicker. Was she imagining it, or could this be some sort of jutsu?

“How do you figure that?” she questioned, adding a nervous laugh to her annoyed tinged inquiry. Sakura’s exasperation with their reasoning was starting to make her focus waver.

As she asked, Sakura concentrated on her chakra. She was calling it, calling it, calling it, but it did not spring forth. She would have compared the sensation to drawing blood from a syringe, except her chakra was like liquified cement and the syringe was the size of a pen. If she chose to use it, the Strength of a Hundred Seals just might flood her chakra paths and burst through whatever plug the medicine had caused, or it could potentially well up like water in a dam and she wouldn’t have any access to it. Medically, that might be a concern. And it had only been a few weeks since she had last used her reserves to assist Sasuke crossing dimensions, so would the risk be worth the additional amount behind her forehead?

In an eerie declaration, the masked leader stepped toward her again and said, “If you go around curing the next generation of their anger and pain, brainwashing them with this vision of peace, there will be no more progression.”

“What the hell does that mean?” she asked, all pretense gone now. The confidence in her tone made them stop their encroachment. For a second, Sakura didn’t look so weak to them. They glanced at the leader, the shadow-man, and then again at Mako because Mako knew her best out of the group; he had also drugged her.

“The medicine should still be working. We must hurry though. It won’t last all night.” Listening to this, Sakura inhaled and exhaled, willing the small drip of chakra to pool more heavily in her palm. She would only have one shot before she could collect enough chakra for another one. Sakura took another step back. And another, drawing them away from Isao and his captor. Just a little more. Keep them talking.

“There is peace in the world now,” Sakura baited. “There’s no need for children to suffer through trauma alone anymore.”

The leader did not hesitate a second before responding with the practiced mission justification of their group: “Without anger, hatred, and pain, there is no incentive for war between villages. And without war, there is no need for young shinobi. You will create a generation of weaklings who cannot defend our borders. The world of Shinobi as we know it will disappear.”

Sick freaks, Sakura thought. She was their target because she worked with children? They were afraid that children would be weaker without pain? “The world would be a better place,” she commented, “if there weren’t people like you in it.” Sakura didn’t care to listen to this nonsense anymore. She hated to kill them, but they weren’t giving her much of a choice.

At exactly this moment, Isao had somehow reached into his pocket for another kunai, stabbing it into the foot that held him down. Apparently, the ninja had been distracted by the rest of the pack’s slow pursuit of Sakura and the conversation. Isao left his mark, slicing it clean across the top. The ninja screamed which turned the heads of all those before her. Isao bolted up before anyone had the chance to stop him.

On his feet now, he charged the group and Sakura watched in panic as the ninja he had left behind now followed, brandishing a sword of his own.

“Kill that brat!” came Hisa’s order.

And then Sakura was in the air, her fury propelling her forward and then down on top of them.

Mako let out a cry of alarm, the first to notice her above them. The kunoichi had just enough for one hit, and Sakura prayed the sand wouldn’t buffer too much of it. She fisted the meager amount of chakra between both of her palms, fingers interlocked to make a combined fist. She brought them down as hard as she could at their feet, making it through several feet of sand before she connected it with the ground. Sakura was not able to see the damage done, because not only did sand fill the air, but all light blinked out and a shroud of complete blackness consumed her.

#approachingsun #approaching sun #sasusaku #sasusakufanfiction #ssfanfiction #naruto fanfiction #prosasusaku #Sakura Haruno #sakura hiden #Sasuke Uchiha #sasukeshinden #sasuke and sakura #sakura uchiha

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if-found-return-to-gusu · 3 years

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Happy Birthday to Me pt 10

While he was gone, I kept dancing with A-Lian and making faces for her to giggle at. It worked quite nicely until she heard the obviously very familiar sound of her parents singing. Instantly deciding she was tired of her poor uncle’s antics in favor of wanting to be held by her mother (fair) I shuffled her along to the stage. She waddled the last few steps to her mom who immediately swooped her up. Jin Ling had already ascended to his rightful throne in his father’s arms again, his favorite place that evening it seems, and the two doting parents started to dance along with their song (which was, fittingly enough, “I wanna dance with somebody”. Pff)

Somewhere near the end of the song Lan Zhan finally came back with the promised sweets. He looked a bit concerned and mildly heartbroken to find that A-Lian was no longer with me. When he asked where she had gone I just pointed up to the almost obnoxiously perfect family picture on stage. (Obnoxious because of the peacock, and almost because Shijie is always perfect and never obnoxious.)

The king demanded that he get to sing a song so before they could be shuffled off the stage they were allowed to sing a rather off-key rendition of “twinkle twinkle little star” with A-Ling belting his little heart out and A-Lian babbling her best to follow along.

It was so adorable that I had to look at something else or I’d end up crying again. So instead I started poking at the cake that was still being held by the steadfast Lan Zhan.

I’d barely managed to shove a huge bite in my mouth when I felt a forceful yank, taking me away from my cake and my Lan Zhan! Unacceptable!

Turns out it was, of course, my darling little brother telling me it was my turn. RUDE

“YOu could have at least let me finish my cake, Asshole!” I grumbled at him once I was finally able to swallow the lump of frosting that had jammed my mouth shut.

(Gamby yelled at me to watch my language so close to the kids. Oops. Sorry Gamby)

I got shoved up on stage then despite my continued protests. SangSang asked me what I wanted to sing and after a moment of thought there really was no other choice for me.

Okay

I know it’s a meme.

Okay I get it. Alright? He-Man and lol and whatever. Haha. BUt for real,

“What’s Up” from 4 Non Blondes fuckig SLAPS okay?

And I’ve loved it WAY longer than it’s been a meme! Fuck you He-Man! (Yes I’m aware I used the meme in question on my blog once. I am a multi-faceted human being and am perfectly able to compartmentalize thank you).

So the song starts off pretty quiet but after a few seconds Gamby all of a sudden shrieked like an excited teenager and practically begged me to sing it too.

So obviously yes, right? I’m not gonna say no to a duet with Gamby!

Oh it was so FUN! We were both really hamming it up in the best way and sometimes barely even able to sing it because we were trying so hard not to laugh.

We had a stellar audience too, all looking comically enraptured by the song, swaying in time to the music. I think SangSang even pulled out a fake lighter ap on his phone to hold in the air as he swayed.

The song ended to energetic applause and we both took our bows dutifully before Gamby pulled me into another tight, tight hug.

“It’s our song,” she said in my ear. “I used to sing this to you when you were just a sprout!”

FUCK

Okay hold on.

Sorry the memory of it made me well up again.

So you have to understand. I have always LOVED this song. Not just, like, liked it or thought it was fun or anything. I LOVE this song. Like top 5 forever. Maybe even number 1. Just.

This song for me. It comforts me. I don’t remember anything from my early childhood but this song made me feel nostalgic. Safe. I found it when I was like… 15? 16? And just it was SO familiar.

It turns out that Gamby and Mom used to sing it together with me all the time. The feeling I was getting whenever I heard that song. It was her. And it was Mom. The feeling I get from that song is the feeling of being loved by my parents. With no expectations. Nothing to repay. Just pure love.

I don’t remember my mom. But I have that now. I have that feeling.

Okay

Okay I’m fine. I’ve blown my nose and we can carry on.

So I’d mostly re-composed myself by the time I found Lan Zhan again only to discover that he’d just stood there the whole time just…. Holding the cakes.

I freaked out a little due to my honestly a bit overly-emotional. I took the cakes away and set them aside so I could rub his arms while scolding him. (Did I really do that? Why?? Ugh I’m an idiot)

I told him he could have put the cakes on the table or something and that his arms must be tired! I think I just wanted an excuse to touch him more. But I was a bit high on adrenalynn and the liquor was still making me a little warm.

So I’m gonna blame it on that.

While I made a buffoon of myself, Jiang Cheng and Huaisang did a cover of Meatloaf’s Let me Sleep on It.

It was hilarious. They had taken the energy that had honestly started with “My Heart will Go On” and just cranked it all the way up to 11. It was so good to see Jiang Cheng just having FUN without having to worry what he looked like for once.

He always has to be on his best behavior. It must be exhausting.

But now, with Nie Huaisang playing the part of the overly-pushy love interest asking him to ‘love her forever’ and Jiang Cheng pleading for more time to consider back and forth. Ah it was amazing. I rested my head on Lan Zhan’s shoulder while I watched it, feeling pleasantly warm and just honestly so loved. It struck me again just how many people had come here just to celebrate me. I still can’t wrap my head around it.

I held Lan Zhan’s hand as I thought about it though, lacing our fingers together because I can and it’s free. I sighed after a while, just feeling so content. I told Lan Zhan as much and was rewarded by a hand playing idly with my hair.

“I’m glad you are,” he said. I could feel the words rumbling in his chest. “You deserve to be.”

I looked up at him then, all indignant because how dare he ruin a perfect moment by embarrassing me like that (he ruined nothing. I just like being dramatic). But then I realized just how close we were and my protests just kinda never found their way past my throat. I traced every feature of his perfect face with my eyes, longing to do it with my lips instead. The urge was almost tangible. For a second it almost felt like I might die if I didn’t press a kiss to every part of his face I could. His forehead. His nose. His cheeks. His eyelids. His chin. His lips.

I leaned forward a hair when he spoke and broke the spell.

Thank god.

I think he asked me why I was staring or something. It’s the only thing that made sense, but I didn’t really hear him due to the fuzzy static in my ears. I got up quickly lest I fall into a stupor again. Curse you Lan Zhan. Curse you and your perfect face. I looked around the room to find something to latch on to and my eyes fell upon the tragically under-utilized photo booth!

It was one of those fancy ones you see at all the weddings and big parties now-a-days. The kind that’s a huge mirror that you can write on and with like the props and stuff.

I immediately decided that there was nothing in the world I wanted more than to immortalize that frustratingly perfect face next to mine and I dragged him over to the photo booth.

We had already agreed we needed to fix our ‘lack of selfies together’ problem after all, didn’t we?

By the time we got here, we’d been beaten to the punch by the beautiful Wens. Wen Ning and Wen Qing were making funny faces in the mirror with A-Yuan and aaaah my heart!

I don’t think I’d EVER seen Wen Qing pull faces like that. I’m so glad I get to keep those photos forever. With that in mind I realized I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to be included! So naturally I photobombed! Well. More I bodily shoved them to the side to make room for me to starfish in front of them.

I suppose I should have anticipated the vicious crack to my head even if it was my birthday. Wen Qing’s finger snaps are murder!

Mortally wounded, I crawled my way back to Lan Zhan so that I might at the very least die in his arms.

I complained that Wen Qing was being mean because she was and that I was going to have a bruise on my forehead for the rest of the night! Mostly I just wanted to see if he would kiss it better for me.

Except.

He actually did.

;ADFJ;LKSDJF;AJKF;ASLJF;JF

WHY MUST MY PLANS ALL BACKFIRE ON ME???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Wei Ying.exe has stopped. Please wait while we reboot the system.

Would you like to submit an error report? Yes | No

Oh I must have been so red. I was still riding on that ‘It’s my birthday I do what I want’ feeling though and it spawned the following word vomit.

When he asked me if it felt better.

I told him

Yes

But.

“I think I need another kiss just to make sure. You wouldn’t want the birthday boy to be incapacitated for the rest of his party, now would you?”

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

AND OF COURSE LAN ZHAN WENT ALONG WITH IT AND KISSED THE SPOT AGAIN. BECAUSE HE ALWAYS INDULGES ME AND DOESN’T SEEM TO KNOW THAT HE SHOULDN’T BE ENCOURAGING ME LIKE THIS?!?!?!?

I heard the sound of the lovely Dr. Wen gagging behind me. Fair.

But then we were saved by my hero A-Yuan who ran up to hug Lan Zhan’s fucking anime legs and thanked him so sincerely for healing his Xian-Gege.

“You’re so right, A-Yuan! He’s great like that!” said, kneeling down to pat his back approvingly and ruffle his already party-ruffled hair.

Then I noticed that we had somehow managed to edge into the frame of the photo booth and the countdown to the next picture had started. I tried to warn Lan Zhan to get ready but turns out that was the WRONG action. He looked up at the exact worst possible moment so when the mirror showed us back our picture it showed me yelling, A-Yuan looking into space, and Lan Zhan’s face morphed into a hideous slug monster.

This set A-Yuan to giggling right away, claiming that his bunny gege was a monster!

Lan Zhan growled at him, playing along, which got me going.

LAN ZHAN. STOP. MAKING. ME. FEEL. THE. THING. I. AM. NOT. READY. TO. ADDRESS. YET.

FUCK

;LDKJFSA;LJKF;SKJDF;LKFJ;FLK

Lan Zhan is NOT allowed near kids anymore! My heart can’t take the strain!

To cover up my newest surge of emotion, I demanded we take some proper pictures!

Wen Ning, angel that he is, took A-Yuan away so we could have pictures with just the two of us. Lan Zhan looked ready to protest, so for the sake of my poor heart, I pressed the ‘picture’ button to distract him. I gave him an arrow that said ‘birthday boy’ on it, which we barely got pointing in the right direction in time, and grabbed a lovely handlebar mustache for myself while claiming to be DaGe and told him to smile.

Bless his soul he actually did. I don’t know how he manages to tolerate all my stupid antics. Somehow he always seems to be able to take me in stride while staying (mostly) unruffled. I should take lessons.

The picture came out perfect! ♥

So Naturally I demanded a million more.

We did a few with props and a few without. And some silly faces and some serious faces. And some faces that were so serious they circled back to silly. Lan Zhan was a real champ and went along with all my hijinks.

Then I remembered the tree incident that everyone yelled at me over.

If he catches me I’ll…..

That sentiment was so strong. I don’t even know how that thought ends. I’ll what?

I still don’t know.

This time I at least gave him some warning.

I told him to hold out his arms so I could jump into him in a much safer recreation of the tree yeet.

The picture snapped right as I landed in his arms and I remembered to look just in time so that I could grin at the camera and not Lan Zhan in an attempt to be slightly less obvious. When the picture came back though Lan Zhan was looking straight at me. Probably trying to make sure he didn’t drop me. But fuck.

I’m keeping that one in my wallet once we get them printed.

Apparently my leap got the attention of the rest of the party because suddenly EVERYONE was there. It was like a clown car with everyone squishing in to see how many of us we could fit in a single picture. Ah it was amazing. We grabbed some props for added panache and I managed to wrangle it so that Lan Zhan and I were still in the middle with all my friends and family squashed around us.

In a brilliant idea on how to save space, I decided that I should just get as close as possible to Lan Zhan and gave him a big fat smooch on his cheek. I was rewarded when I saw the end result with what had to be the best picture ever taken.

Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng had their hands in each other’s faces, trying to push each other out of frame, each of them barely managing to stay in the back corners of the picture.

Below them and to the left, DaGe was looking entirely too pleased to be squished in that close to Lan Xichen who was holding at least 7 different props and looking ecstatically excited. Wen Qing and Shijie were next to each other on the front right, holding A-Yuan and A-Ling respectively. The four of them were holding up peace signs, their faces all close together to try to fit in the picture.

Front Left was Jin ZiXuan with A-Lian, rubbing their noses together and looking admittedly adorable.

The front center had MianMian and Qin Su making innocent doll eyes at the camera, their hands laced together and their cheeks squished up against each other. Directly in the back center Gamby and Aunty Yi were imitating them perfectly.

To the middle right sat Wen Ning looking like he was just happy to be included. He’s such a sweetie.

And right in the center of all that commotion was myself and Lan Zhan. I was planting the most obnoxious kiss I could manage on his cheek and he was grinning like the sun.

Oh.

My God.

OH MY GOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

After celebrating the best picture ever made we all somehow managed to disentangle ourselves from each other, with many knocking elbows and a lot of laughter.

#wei wuxian #wei ying #mo dao zu shi #the untamed #cql #mdzs #Long Post #(Modern AU!)

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it-happenedtome · 6 years

Text

It wasn’t anxiety, it was brain cancer

For years, I struggled with food. I would have random bouts of nausea and vomiting, or even just hours of nausea with no vomiting (which can feel worse). I would be terrified to leave my house at night and go somewhere because I would always be scared of getting sick and having to leave early. I felt guilty burdening my friends, family, and fiance with this fear and EVERY doctor I saw said it was some other stupid and incorrect diagnosis. I’ve heard I’m allergic to gluten, I’ve heard I have acid reflux, I’ve heard it was anxiety and all in my head. Nothing seemed to work and no medicine helped. I began to fear that people thought I was making it up to get out of things or leave places early, but the truth of the matter is that it killed me to leave so many important events early and miss out on memories. I took every test imaginable and never got any answers. This went on for 2 years.

Then, the headaches started. They were at the base of my skull, and excruciating unlike anything I’ve ever known. They felt muscular because they were so close to my neck, and they were pounding and constant. They started off with pain when I would yawn, stretch, go from sitting to standing and vice versa, etc. Then the pain became 24.7. I couldn’t function. I started yoga, I started seeing a chiropractor, I did everything I could to relieve the pain. Nothing helped. I used to be awoken by the pain at 3 in the morning and go to the kitchen in a daze to grab an ice pack to fall asleep on so that it would numb the pain enough for me to doze off again.

I was naive and I thought nothing bad could possibly happen to me because I’m young, and I have the hubris of believing that I’m invincible. This blog is so people understand just that--it happened to me. Listen to your body when you KNOW something is wrong. I let doctors blow me off and blame anxiety instead of taking me seriously and I suffered for longer than I should have.

One night, I felt dizziness like I hadn’t before. I blew it off, but the next morning I was super nauseous. That night, I went to the ER thinking I could just get an IV with some fluids and feel better. I mentioned my symptoms and the doctors thought it was vertigo because of the dizziness. I’m so lucky the doctor there suggested getting a CT scan of my neck because he was worried the chiropractor had messed me up. Once we got the CT, we saw something poking out from my skull. We did a brain MRI and were told there was a golf ball sized “mass” on my brain, on the bottom left side pressing on my cerebellum. The muscular headaches were caused because the tumor was pushing on my left ventricle artery and hurting the muscle, and the nausea was because my brain fluid wasn’t allowed to drain because of the tumor. This meant I had 2 years of fluid buildup in my brain and this was making my body want to dehydrate itself by vomiting as much as possible even though that didn’t help. It was also because the tumor was right on the center of the brain that controls nausea (lucky me). This all happened at like 3 am on January 16, 2018.

On January 18, I had brain surgery. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Cancer wasn’t even a word anyone had used yet. We didn’t even consider the possibility that this wouldn’t be benign. I was extremely lucky with my surgery as I had NO complications and he got the entire tumor. Within a month I was driving again and my recovery was great. I had no headaches, dizziness, or nausea. I felt so lucky my problem had been solved. I was back to work and eating whatever I wanted, sleeping through the night, living as I always should have.

After pathology failed to give us the 100% clear that my tumor was benign, we tested it at several other places and were told the news that I had medulloblastoma, which is an extremely rare, aggressive pediatric cancer. No one knew where it came from. There is no history of anything like this in my family. I got lots of tests done which thankfully proved it hasn’t spread, and then started radiation.

Before radiation, I had to go through a very invasive and private process for about 3 weeks, one I’m not comfortable sharing online. This process was horrible. I had to inject myself every night, get blood tests every day, discuss things I’d never worried about before, and then have another surgery. It was an emotional roller coaster and it only weakened me.

I was told radiation would be easy and a breeze. I had to do 31 rounds and from the first one I was miserable. I was told I would be able to keep working throughout radiation but the first night I was a wreck. I emailed my HR guy off the bathroom floor and told him I wouldn’t be coming back, and I didn’t know for how long. I was vomiting for hours at a time, unable to eat, get out of bed, or even function normally. I had to go to everyday, 31 days in a row. I lost all of my hair as well as about 15 pounds. At one point I was vomiting blood and needed another procedure. Radiation was pure hell.

Once it was over, they gave me a month to recover before I started chemo. My chemo regimen is cisplatin (causes loss of hearing and messes with my kidneys), then one week later vincristine for 3 weeks in a row (causes extreme fatigue), then one week later 2 days of cytoxan. This regimen, only 1 round, completely killed me. I was vomiting, nauseous, and dry heaving for 12 days straight. I lost another 20 pounds. At a certain point I was delirious from starvation and dehydration. When you get to a certain point of physical torture, when it’s 4 am and you haven’t had relief in days and it feels like there’s no end, you start to wish you wouldn’t wake up anymore. You go to a very dark place and start dreaming of euthanasia and start wondering what the point is of even fighting to live when being alive is TRUE torture. No one understands this. They just say things like “don’t give up, fight through this, you’re a survivor, it’s all only temporary!” To them I say, try going through the emotional and mental trauma of having cancer at 25, and then going through the physical HELL and trauma that only a cancer patient can understand. I finished that first round but I told my oncologist I can’t go that heavy for the next 5. (I have to do a minimum of 6). She’s slightly changed my regimen and has promised me it will be easier to deal with. We’ll see.

I’ve been up since 5 am because my appointment with my surgeon is today because my incision was infected. The antibiotics he prescribed have been killing me and I won’t be taking them anymore, as I have become very resistant to doctors and the things they want me to put in my body. I want to take some control back. I also will get my MRI results to pray and hope that there isn’t anything of concern in my scans. This is my current cancer story and I can’t help but cry about it every day so I decided to write about it as the sun comes up.

#cancer #chemo #chemotherapy #medulloblastoma #brain cancer

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asksansweredpdf · 5 years

Text

1. What is you middle name? haha

2. How old are you? 20

3. What is your birthday? june 27

4. What is your zodiac sign? libra

5. What is your favorite color? red

6. What’s your lucky number? ....i don’t have one that i know, at least

7. Do you have any pets? i have the best cat in the world who has been yelling at me a lot lately, but is still a good boy

8. Where are you from? australia

9. How tall are you? 5″4′

10. What shoe size are you? 8 UK and like a 36 or something

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? hmmm. sparkly boots, docs, converse, work shoes, black heels, white sneakers, pink velvet sneakers, that’s all i can remember so about 7?

12. What was your last dream about? omg not last night but the night before, i had a dream that my manager asked me to start work at 5:50 am. but for whatever reason it was at a different location, so my favourite co worker and i met up and i paddled across a lake to be there? and i was really tired.

13. What talents do you have? i write a mean essay and lit review and report and shit. fuckin killed it in uni, i can recognise any song in the first like 0.3 seconds of it being played. i’m good at reading people. and not like in an arrogant way, but idk. intuitively, i know a lot about people. i assumed everyone else did until i started telling people what i felt, and they were like “wtf how did you know that about me?”

14. Are you psychic in any way? yeah i read tarot and oracle cards, and pendulums. like i said before, i tend to intuitively know a lot about people. like can tell when they don’t want to talk, or when they’re mad. even when it’s obvious to me and no one else. my dad can read palms but refuses to teach me how for whatever reason. so that’s next on my list

15. Favorite song? at the moment, either in the lap of the gods revisited (queen), or supersonic rocket ship (the kinks)

16. Favorite movie? at the moment, thor ragnarok, or iron man 3

17. Who would be your ideal partner? someone kind. and someone funny and lighthearted. who can make me laugh. literally, that’s all i value. (i guess the bar is low huh - you’d be surprised that i haven’t found a single person to fit that criteria). if i’m being picky, maybe someone who shares the same interests as me - as in, we like the same movies or music or whatever. that’s not too important but would be nice.

18. Do you want children? nah. i haven’t for 20 years. but if i ever get to a place where i do, i plan on adopting a 10+ year old child. that way, i can reason with them and have someone who i can talk to better. and i can give help to someone who could probably really use it.

19. Do you want a church wedding? ew god no

20. Are you religious? not at all

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? yeah haha. once for an operation when i was 9 months, and one when i was like 19 for vomiting

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? i don’t think so

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? nah

24. Baths or showers? showers if i’m not depressed, baths if im anxious

25. What color socks are you wearing? i’m not wearing socks

26. Have you ever been famous? i was like a celebrity at my high school, but no not really.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? i would cherish every second of it. it’s al i dream about

28. What type of music do you like? literally anything that’s good

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nope

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? just the one

31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my side with my legs tucked in

32. How big is your house? 3 bedroom

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? tea and cookies, paronthe if i’m feeling fancy and have time. eggs on toast if i have work through lunch hours and won’t get a break

34. Have you ever fired a gun? no, but i’ve held one

35. Have you ever tried archery? yeah at a school camp

36. Favorite clean word? idk shenanigans i guess

37. Favorite swear word? fuck

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 24 hours

39. Do you have any scars? yeah, but i’ve answered this before i think

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? i have actually. i think it’s been like only 2 or 3 when i was in school

41. Are you a good liar? exceptionally

42. Are you a good judge of character? i would have said yes, even a year ago. but i definitely am not. or i am and choose to ignore it

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? nope

44. Do you have a strong accent? nah. not even a strong australian accent. unless im at work for some reason

45. What is your favorite accent? australian

46. What is your personality type? intp

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? this $200 corset i bought during venus rx

48. Can you curl your tongue? yep

49. Are you an innie or an outie? innie

50. Left or right handed? righty

51. Are you scared of spiders? absolutely yes

52. Favorite food? chocolate or nandos

53. Favorite foreign food? kadhi

54. Are you a clean or messy person? usually neat, but when my anxiety is bad then i gets messy

55. Most used phrased? “i dont know”

56. Most used word? “yeah”

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? about an hour

58. Do you have much of an ego? i used to think so, but honestly not really

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? suck

60. Do you talk to yourself? all the time

61. Do you sing to yourself? when i’m alone

62. Are you a good singer? not in the slightest

63. Biggest Fear? heights, working thursday nights

64. Are you a gossip? haha yeah

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? pride & prejudice, infinity war. idk what counts as a dramatic movie

66. Do you like long or short hair? short

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? nope

68. Favorite school subject? english, drama, i liked science but had shitty teachers

69. Extrovert or Introvert? introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? nah

71. What makes you nervous? well i have anxiety, so like, everything. but specifically, people being angry at/near me, heights. actually, that’s probably it hey.

72. Are you scared of the dark? nah

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? not unless it’s important to do so. i don’t usually give a shit

74. Are you ticklish? very

75. Have you ever started a rumor? ...not that i can remember. but it sounds like something i’d do

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? i think i was a peer support leader in high school?

77. Have you ever drank underage? haha yeah man

78. Have you ever done drugs? sure

79. Who was your first real crush? omg this guy at school called daniel. he was soooo pretty and smart and he was tanned and had the prettiest green eyes. he was nice to me, but always called me the wrong name and ended up dating my friend later on. but i didn’t mind. i enjoyed admiring him before he dated her haha. then i forced myself not to like him

80. How many piercings do you have? 3

81. Can you roll your Rs?“ yep

82. How fast can you type? pretty fast, but not at work when someone’s watching. the pressure makes me fuck up

83. How fast can you run? not very fast

84. What color is your hair? black

85. What color is your eyes? brown

86. What are you allergic to? kiwi fruit (i eat it anyway)

87. Do you keep a journal? no, but i used to. this blog is the most ‘journal’ thing i’ve had in forever

88. What do your parents do? my mum doesn’t work and does cocaine, my dad is a taxi driver

89. Do you like your age? yeah being 20 is cool. certainly better than being younger.

90. What makes you angry? injustice, people not listening to me, especially when i’m right. people assuming things about me, especially when they’re wrong. people being rude for no reason, people dismissing me, being treated poorly

91. Do you like your own name? i dont give much thought to it

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? nah, i don’t plan on having kids

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? i’ve only ever pictured having a daughter, but i dont really care. having a son would be cool. whatever happens you know

94. What are you strengths? i’ve been trying to answer this question like all year. being at work has really made me feel like i don’t have any strengths. i guess i’m a good listener? i know im respectful of others. i can’t even say i’m kind anymore because i’m actively trying not to be as kind as i used to be. i’m polite. i can be funny when i’m comfortable with the person/don’t give a shit about what they think of me. i’m easy-going. i know i can be charming, but it takes a lot of energy so i have to be feeling not-anxious. i’m socially intelligent, and good at making people feel at ease, and diffusing tense situations. i’m brave

95. What are your weaknesses? god. i’m anxious. all the time. i’m not very articulate. i’m not very smart or good at maths or anything. i tend to be awkward, especially when im anxious which is always. i tend to avoid my problems, instead of facing them head-on

96. How did you get your name? my dad’s sister chose it for me. no one really explained it to me, but there’s this hindu belief or tradition or book or something, where you find out what your child’s name should start with (which letter or sound) based on when they’ll be born. i think it ties into astrology somehow, but again, no one is willing to explain it to me. but yeah, based on that my dad’s sister picked a name that starts with r. and my dad picked the spelling

97. Were your ancestors royalty? noooot per se. according to hindu belief, they were demi gods. and my dad’s mother told me we came from royalty, but i have no source for that, so it’s more an empty claim.

98. Do you have any scars?

99. Color of your bedspread? i’m staying in my parents room, which has a white bedspread

100. Color of your room? the whole house is a rental and has blue walls

#mine

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