#old grief with bandages merely pilled up over festering wounds

[impossible-rat-babies]

I just. love the funny intersection eyrie has between DRK and WAR it just tickles my fancy

#it tickles my fancy in an angsty way #it’s like. there was plenty of grief there after haurchefant in HW until their head started getting ideas about deeper pains #old grief with bandages merely pilled up over festering wounds #and they couldn’t deal with it. they weren’t ready to face it #they would have nightmares about the daughter they lost and her asking them these difficult question #and they had no answers. no way of making it make sense. it tormented them #and it all just turned to anger and frustration. what could they do to satisfy their guilt? their grief? #they had no words. it was just rage rage rage #rage enough to drown out fray. rage enough to hopefully drown out the ghost of their daughter #rage enough to drown out the guilt of losing papalymo and the knotted tangle surrounding Ilberd #it’s so much of a shift that embodies denial but also embodies coping #they deny fray. they deny this part of themselves that seeks catharsis and care #it’s denying any softness for a path of destruction and frustration #the denial of softness being one of self harm. a self flagellation to make the pain mean something #there has to be a reason or a justification in general. a way to make it make sense #it goes hand in hand with their complex surrounding blame and taking responsibility when it’s not theirs to take #still puzzling out how it resolves itself in the end #it’s funny in StB how zenos recognizes the way they act but doesn’t truly grasp the motivation #oc: eyrie kisne #ANYWAY GOODNIGHT