#okay to elaborate on cons also this is music that i associate with my a certain Person and Also i do have some work i could do but augh. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elytrafemme · 2 years

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okay hi hello hi jumping up and down. system things tee he

also @evilpuzzlingpapercrown (hi it’s me puzzle and i’m taging my alt and writing on annon because i refuse to mention this stuff of main. i have… irls in there. i don’t want to have a long ass awkward convo with some of the more skeptic about system people i know)

this is going to be a load of rambles because yes ✨ but i would love to hear any stories/answers/assorted things you have to anything i ramble on about

the most immediate thing i can think of is headspace/internal word. i’m always curious as to how that works for different systems. i read somewhere that even singlets can have a kind of headspace which is cool. cool beans (beans that are cool) mine is simple af and confusing af. hashtag dinner theater

okay and also i can remember when i first learned about plurality beyond like stereotypical nonsense like 3 years ago. i thought i was plural for months but there was such a mental blocker on figuring everything out and i decided i was just a different brand of mentally ill. i then had like a questioning period every other two months until i did like extensive research on systems and plurality. turns out finding info from people who have the thing ur looking into is the best place for info and coping skills. \o/

okay unrelated i keep smelling maple syrup all day and i don’t know why. it’s good though so i can’t complain.

anyway do you have colors you associate with any of your alters/headmates? also i find the word headmate funny. like mainly because my college algebra teacher says “and you can get help on homwork with your roomates, suitemates, any of your mates!” and i giggle. checking my homework with the other dumb bitches in my brain. hhahahehe

okay a question! we’re there ever things that you had a very switched up opinion of or something before realizing you were a system. like having some time really enjoying one kind of music and then something in ur brain is shocked later like “huh but i liked this music more” when it was just two people liking different music? okay that was an elaborate question i might give another example thou. like uh….. style! having a part of your brain that really liked a specific style unlike what you mostly like and realizing it’s an alter being freaking vocal but only about this one specific thing. like honey you can indulge futuristic neon cyber punk whatever later. right now is time for jeans and a hoodie because i said so

oh yea do you do anything specific to try and like monitor your system? like for any kind of memory things or just yo keep track of switches. ect ect. you don’t have to answer that because that’s kinda personal i was just wondering if you had a method that worked well for y’all? tbh i am going through an assortment of attempts at keeping a slight track of things… it’s difficult tbh. sometimes there’s a really freaking apparent switch and other times i realize someone’s like here with me now i guess and other times there’s a moment and i’m like “wait i don’t remember this morning. or like this whole week. haha. wait.” ect ect

haha silly moments over here

okay and i should probably give a more thought provoking topic. like uh… oh yea! positivity time yesyes

has your self image/self perception improved since realizing you were a system in any way? is there anyway that embracing this all has helped you? ect ect

YIPPEE OKAY HI!!! Mare fronting rn but we have a lot of thoughts about this so idk if anyone else is gonna co con or whatever but hiii

so for us, the internal world/headspace kind of... barely exists? this i think is because our brain isn't very good at retaining pictures for a long period of time, like we've had difficulties in the past trying to envision a scene we're working on writing but not being able to get a clear picture of it for a while. it's not that we can't imagine things at all, but it's kind of tricky. also, we're a pretty new system. so as of right now, most of the internal world is just... if an alter is about to front, i can see them sometimes doing a specific action, but it's in an empty void of space. the other day i was trying to call dahlia out to front but she was sitting there reading and kind of floating in the abyss

we do have an exception which is more like the. hm. okay so we have the foreground of headspace, which is just what i call the headspace, and that is where all the frequent fronters are. then in the background we kind of have a place where shit gets blurry and its hard to tell delusion from internal world. but that's where we get things like the woods and all that

damn that's fascinating actually, i feel very strange b/c i really and truly did NOT expect to be a system, like, i'd done research on systems for ages but i think i just didn't know about systems that like... didn't have amnesia walls, or weren't specifically DID. and bc of that i like did not realize what i was experiencing... Was That. having friends who r systems really helped on that front i agree wholeheartedly

i kind of dont like maple syrup like as a vibe. it's so sticky. it like tastes fine and smells fine and whatever just. residue :(

HELPSDFKDFSHKSDF you rolling up to ur alters like Guys its calculus time ^_^ nah but in terms of colors uhhh well it's. pretty on the nose actually but yeah! dahlia is pink, klavier is purple, i am a more blue-toned lighter purple, nightshade is a very dark purple-grey shade, and some of the other bastards have colors but idk their names yet so it's hard to talk about them. the deer is iridiscent but most closely matches with very light blue and very very VERY light pink

NO BC THAT'S STRAIGHT UP HOW WE FOUND OUT BASICALLY. like to cut the story short i have dealt with bad identity issues for a while bc my consistency with interests and personality traits and opinions were so different. how i realized that it might be a system thing was bc one day i got super into the Met gala despite never having fucking cared for it ever before. and i felt very like not like "me" in that moment. turns out that was someone else i don't remember who now but yeah that kicked us off

wishing u a lot of luck with tracking things, unfortunately i have no strategies :( i actually really struggle to keep track of it bc sometimes i'll be wandering doing smth and go "wait who am i?" and then i have no idea and i'm like "okay well. not mare but whatever" and then maybe half hour later i tune in again and it's me again. also my memory is really awful and we're so frequently co con, and honestly i am around so goddamn much, that it's kind of difficult to tell. i remember all the clear switches bc i journal them later, but none of the times and i never know what happens in those empty periods. so yeah shits rough and i wish u so much luck w that

this is kind of funny to say bc i think it's caused both grief and joy, but i've felt a lot better about myself since realizing that i'm not the same host that the system had in the start. like realizing that i am a new alter that emerged mid-2021 and has been host every since explains so much. i experience such imposter's syndrome and one of the biggest issues i had was realizing i was aro-spec and ace bc i felt like in the past EVERYTHING was testifying against that. and it took me until like last WEEK to realize. yeah that's because those memories weren't you. you probably formed to BE arospec and ace bc of them actually. it's so validating.

also. it's just. it's kind of nice. to not be alone :')

and also also this is kinda too much info but being a system despite not having that much amnesia walls or anything, has helped kind of a lot with trauma coping. its made some things worse but i think once we know the other alters and things organize it;ll actually end up being easier to handle everything

thank u for the questions friend i <3 you

#nightmare.ask #nightmare.system #long post #THANK U FR THIS I LOVE TALKING BOUT THIS STUFF #and it stayed me the whole time wowie #we had a nightshade co con moment earlier that was kind of iconic but i think they're gone now #physical protector tingz i guess LOL #sleepy anon ☁️

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bubarnes820 · 6 years

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Church Holidays

April 3, 2018

Church holidays are a strange thing, especially when you compare different churches and change your traditions. I grew up in a church that didn’t celebrate Christmas because historically there is no evidence that Jesus was born in December—it’s more likely it was sometime in the spring. This very rationalistic church also tried to believe everything in the Bible was literally true, except for obviously symbolic passages, even when it contradicted itself. When it came to Easter, they believed it happened as recorded in the gospels, but they didn’t celebrate Easter in the church service either, until I was about 12, when they suddenly seemed to realize that it would be okay. There’s a passage in Romans that talks about the pros and cons of celebrating religious holidays, but it wasn’t exactly talking about Easter because Easter hadn’t been established yet as a church holiday.

Both events are associated with pagan holidays, especially Christmas. Our church in Searcy thought it was perfectly fine to celebrate the commercial side of Christmas as long as you didn’t bring Jesus into it, so we all revered Santa Claus.

As an adult I branched out eventually. I spent some time associating with a Presbyterian church and then a congregation of the Disciples of Christ, both of which did celebrate both Christmas and Easter in a big way, with some variations on how they handled blending Jesus with Santa and the Easter bunny.

Then I came to the Episcopal Church. Their belief is that you should ONLY celebrate the religious parts of Christmas and Easter, at least in official church settings. There should be no Christmas tree before December 24, because it’s not Christmas yet—it’s Advent. There is no such thing as the Easter bunny—this holiday is about the risen Christ, and there should be no levity involved, although rejoicing is certainly in order.

Which leads me to my topic for the day: the Family Egg Hunt. Our church does have an Easter Egg Hunt, but they do not call it that, because that would associate eggs with Jesus, which is of course a pagan co-opted legend that came from Europe. So it’s called something else. A Family Egg Hunt. I remarked at the brunch after two services on Sunday that it sounds weird, and I was mildly reproved, but others chuckled. What are these “Family Eggs” we are hunting for? It sounds more pagan than Easter eggs to me—sort of a search for fecundity and reproduction, if I may be blunt. Someone else said, you mean like the “family jewels”?

Anyway, back to nomenclature: my childhood church wouldn’t allow dancing because it was “lascivious.” When my father was in the Christian college there, however, they would have square dancing regularly and call it “Musical Games.” When someone finally said “well, that’s nothing but dancing!” they had to stop. Now at the same college they have a student production called Spring Sing with elaborate choreography and music, which starts on the evening of Good Friday each year. Their musicals have also had choreography for years. But they still have no official dances on campus, and they still don’t have an Easter service.

All to the point: words matter. That’s all.

#church #Easter #Christmas #dancing #Santa Claus #easter bunny

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