#okay fuck ive ranted long enough back to my fic lol

[sleepy-crypt1d]

people dont write wheatley mean enough, ive decided. like, he's an asshole. that's a huge part of his character. YES he is also pathetic and a fucking loser who i could drop kick.

that's why he's an asshole.

he's mean and self-centered and uncaring because that is how he has always been treated.

he frequently calls you brain dead, he throws out the idea of turning you in to GLaDOS' so he can live, he spends a full minute insulting children and calling manual laborers stupid - because that's how he's been treated. he was made to be stupid, he was abandoned by his creators because they didn't care, and then he's insulted time and time again by being called a moron when, if you actually look at the game from his perspective, he's the one who's did all the work!!

he has been kicked, insulted, almost killed and ignored his entire life no SHIT he's more than happy to turn those exact same actions onto other people without any sort of care for their feelings. no one's ever cared for his?? so why should he??

people either have him as a stammering uwu little baby who's either completely helpless or a creep or they make him super over confident when he's neither. yes, he stutters and yes there are times he's embarrassed but that's because he overthinks and has a hard time putting things into words. he is fucking terrifying, yes, but it's not because he's confident. it's because he's willing to do anything just to prove he can.

wheatley is so mischaracterized it hurts and it makes me so upset. this game has been out for ten years and i need my guy to be seen as the actual nuanced character he is.

#the ball deserves better #portal #portal 2 #portal wheatley #i love him!!! favorite character <33333 #maybe it's just because im currently doing a portal rewrite so i have to listen to all his dialogue and write it out and such but #damn most people just DONT get him #i do tho <3333 #he literally cries during his boss fight yelling 'this is the best thing that's ever happened to me! and you dont even care!' and no one- #-thought about it apparently #LISTEN TO HIS ISOLATED BOSS FIGHT LINES RN!!! GO!! GET!! #he has been hurt so fucking much - ALL he tries to do is help people and none of them can do that back. you cant even fucking catch him #HE SAVED YOUR LIFE and you dont even have the decency to catch him #OF COURSE HE BECOMES THE VILLAIN??? OF COURSE HE SAYS HE DEPISES YOU?? MAKE HIM MEAN HE DESERVES IT #let him be angry!!! STOP making him just this cute little guy >w< LET WHEATLEY KILL #it is 6am WHAT am i doing #will prob also make a post about how hes literally smarter than GLaDOS - he's not a moron guys trust me #he's dumb but he's not stupid #okay fuck ive ranted long enough back to my fic lol

[haeroniel-doliet]

Hnghhh why does it require e f f o r t and p a t i e n c e and p r a c t i c e to get good at art????? I need to be good immediately and things i want to see appear at a snap of my fingers.......

Read more for what became an accidental full rant about why ive yet to post anything besides that one thing idkkkk

Aka im TRYING to be good and practice little by little but its BORING and difficult to not get immediate reward.... Also because for whatever reason i really dont wanna watch tutorials so im tryna be all self taught kinda and im OBVIOUSLY making a lot of mistakes like its part of the process but its FRUSTRATING

Basically im on my 6th??? Idk restart attempt at the same fennec portrait and its. Okay. Its at a point where im like nice as long as i suffer over the details here itll be decent ish. Probably.

But its not REWARDING.....

I know i want to do screencaps and character and face studies to get to the point of good art i wish i could be but .... I also just wanna draw like fun fic scenes and silly doodles of characters like some of the cool artists i follow do but i CANT because im not GOOD ENOUGH yet. ;(((((((

Yea i could post sketches or whatver i manage in a night but like who the fuck wants to follow that? Nah... I just idk. I DONT KNOW i dont know what my art goals are (i do, but DO I??)

My brain also obviously doesnt work very well visually which is GREAT so like, any original work its a lot like 'i'll know its right when i see it' but getting next to no other direction and you just gotta be like right. Okay uhhh my anatomy skills are stunted from when i was like 16?? Perspective?? Detail?? WHATS THE COLOR SCHEME

Never mind that i just... Dont understand the program or brushes that well idk why. Krita should be good and im too stressed to experiment different softwares.... BLEGH

i just. Part of me aches to go back to traditional for a bit but i just, dont have the means to make the scale of work i want ro produce with traditional materials yknow?? Maybe i should try just sketching scanning and then lining on computer again idk. At least for some of these face things.

Ok so my GOAL is to always have a very recognizable face. Like. I guess i cant hold myself to photorealism standards because hahahhah id die! But like, i want the face to be looked at and go ah yes! Its that guy! That actress! My friend! Me! Whoever! But like, recognizable. Because i know i CAN thats what i do! Thats all ive been good at !!!!

And like yeah i could hone that, yknow? Work on face studies and mini portraits of all my favourite actors and scenes and shit. Cool right?? Yeahh that could be sickaroni macaroni. People like faces they can recognize and good refined work. I can do that

But i want to be MORE

Id love love love to make like. Scenic paintings. Concept art level atmosphere and color and light and presence and as tory telling yknow?? Id like to substitute the literally colorless fog inside my head into vivid scenes. Id like to try and take the fics that in my head are set in ??? Space with some movement here and there and just idk emotions? Into fleshed out SCENES with backdrops and accurate anatomy and WEIGHT and like, everything incredible that i admire in true art.

But thats hard, yknow? I havent really ever done backgrounds and what i have have been so flat. I dont KNOW how to do that (here i would be willing to have a teacher i think but. Im tired. I cant even seek out a short term therapist for myself how am i gonna find the kind of teacher i want?? Because of course i want them to teach me how to achieve whata inside my dreams and not what they know how to do ykno)

Yeah so i want to try and paint screencaps in the meantime. See if i cant struggle my way to fit this putty of skill into a square box. Like i think i can paint. Digitally? Somewhat idk?? Maybe if i just. Keep trying itll work out?? Start with simpler ones and build up to complexity??

But also. If im juat trying to get myself to love art again, why am i trying to throw myself in the deep end of struggling with something im not good at?? Shouldnt i be just refining what i already know? Like. A character! Standing. Maybe in a cooler pose if going crazy. Refining basic anatomy. How does fabric work? How does hair work? Can i make expressions seem realistic?

Next step, could i make a picture of someone without direct reference?? Like. Could i draw maybe a wee dinluke holding eachother or whatever and like. Just. Do it?? Without doing a version of photoshopping two pics of the actors through art together. Idk.

Also NONE of this makes sense to anyone outside my head and im SORRY

Like i dont even have a resolution at the end here!!! Im just FRUSTRATED!!!

I wanna draw, i wanna have results and success and rewarding experiences. But i also want ro challenge myself and do super complex shit and like really push myself to learn impressive difficult shit and be proud of down the line.

Im so tired. I cant even feel ok drawing without having someone on call with me to alleviate the immense pressure of frustration and anxiety and stress and struggle!!

I just. Wanna enjoy it

Okay fine i need to find a show or smth to 'watch'

And tomorrow? I might whip out a sketchbook thats been last used 8 years ago and. Ignore everything in it hahhaha its bad

But no im gonna. Im gonna draw scenes. With minimal reference

I might make a face collage i definitely wanna for pascal and mar camel

But im gonna put PENCIL to PAPER and get to the roots of MY HAND CAN DRAW just give her a chance, and get your brain outta the game.

Ok so fuck me this rant has to end here or ill never stop

If you read this (i dont expect ANYONE to have) send me like a message or whatever lol imma need to ask if youre ok <3

#art woes #ended up being way too long OOPS #im just really TIRED and FRUSTRATED #take a peek in my brain #bless this mess or whatever

[todokori-kun]

For

 the queen, I’ll try my best (seriously tho why are you so nice? Like ???? how ??? Queen Luna is so freaking amazing)

AND NO IT’S REALLY NOT YOUR FAULT ADS:DLFJK omg

That really does sound fun! (lowkey jealous lol) hope you have a fantastic time!

Thanks! And, well, I was thinking of a very neutral blue-grey color scheme because it’s Ilumi, but then that also feels weird because of his green outfit? (like sure he has different oufits too but that weird green needle suit is the most well-known. Like, it’s the thing cosplayers always wear, the one he’s drawn wearing in most of the fanart…)

Illumi has his eyes on you

(this is probably true)

Do you think Kikyo and Silva (Mr. and Mrs. Zoldyck) ever bothered to teach that to him? They must have encouraged it. From a clip I watched recently it seems that Silva knew about the needle Illumi put in Killua’s head and was pretty much cool with it(…)

He’d drag Armin along with him. If Armin’s genius somehow wasn’t enough to put him into the top ten, Illumi’s really not above using Dead Eyes Intimidation + Zoldyck connections to make sure he’d get there…and then the needle would make sure Armin would never, ever dream of joining the Survey Corps or the Garrison.

That’s extremely accurate XD

Also, look at this cut exchange from Cabinet Battle 2:

Jefferson: Can you do me a favor?

Hamilton: Depends. I can try.

J: Can you tell Angelica Schuyler I said hi?

H: She’s never mentioned you.

J: She’s not the type who shares. But since you’re so interested in foreign affairs…

(Ouch.)

Yes, Eliza’s awesome ;-;

Well, the word got around, they said, ‘This kid is insane, man!’

Took up a collection just to send him to the mainland

‘Get your education, don’t forget from whence you came and

The world’s gonna know your name.

What’s your name, man?’

Kuroiwa is very much dead. Wonder how Takeomi’s gonna feel about this…first Yoriko, then his dad…;-;

Awww, at least you have tumblr friends? *hugs* and tbh I don’t have any fellow manga/anime fan friends over here either (though maybe that’s just because I don’t have any friends here at all lol)

Please join me in HxH hell. Please. I- I need someone to sob with me because I’m only like seven or eight volumes in and I just met Chrollo and omg please I have literally 0 friends in the HxH fandom (jk jk, just the fact that you listen to me rant out my favs is enough for me. TYSM for being such a queen <3)

And actually, it’s nowhere near as bad as TG or AoT! Like, it has emotional moments, but there aren’t that many character deaths? Like, sure, people die, some favs die, but so far it’s still reasonable and nobody seems to be rage-quitting the manga because of pointless angst.

Chrollo always looks good but yeah, that last style does uit him really well :)

Ging is horrible, but like you said, at least he tries and acknowledges that he’s a bad parent. In his own way. I mean, the whole journey to find him was something he designed himself to help Gon grow as a hunter (though that also connects to Ging’s slightly problematic habit of treating Gon more like a hunter to train than a child to raise…)

Excuse me Queen Luna do not compare yourself to this trashcan. He doesn’t deserve it.

I haven’t even met Pouf in the manga yet and I kinda love him.

ALL THE HAM/ELIZA FEELS.

I’m sad to say I did not cry at all during Hughes’ death/funeral. I felt a lot of pain but the tears just didn’t come OTL

I’m glad you appreciated the puns ;) (Seriously though seeing the blog back is so exciting <333)

Also: I will now send you some pics of Chrollo’s troupe members (AKA his loyal fellow criminals he’s so proud of them all), and of Ging’s student (Gon’s father figure), if that’s ok?

And I might gift you a surprise fic soon…I promise that it won’t be too angsty. Really. I would never lie to the queen :D

Last thing- is it ok if I rant more about OCs sometime? Mainly about the Love Interests for that Otome Game I mentioned a while ago (the thing I was trying to write a script for)…I’d just like some opinions on the LIs *Lenny Face*

Hi i’m back and ready to die.

I hate school, have I ever mentioned that?

Anyway, lately I’ve been losing my motivation for everything basically and that includes coming onto Tumblr, and I was wondering, do you have any app that has an instant messaging system? This is nothing against you personally, but my replies will be really slow, since I don’t even turn my computer on much these days… In fact, I feel incredibly guilty that I take so long to answer, I just don’t have the motivation…

On a happier note, I finally watched Civil War! And I ship Stony.  My heart is not okay.

Um what else happened… Norway is absolutely beautiful? It’s a place where fairytales would take place, especially the fjords. And I also saw a ton of Thor statues lol

I’d scream if Illumi had his eyes on me. If I’d have the time to before dying that is.

While we’re on HxH, that picture of Hisoka you sent me is just mmmmmm nice abs  He looks less trashy with his hair down. 

well fuck kuroiwa is dead… 

oh god trust me id be a shitty parent. a very very shitty parent. there’s a reason why i don’t want kids and the pain of giving birth is only a small part of it. not to mention i don’t have the patience to deal with a small human who can only shit or cry.

gah i know there was something else i wanted to tell you but forgot hnnnngh

uh well, ive returned to tg, so much about quitting. as long as my sweet sunshine is present, I’ll come back at any time. i just sincerely hope it is actually him and not a fake. 

oh yeah, ive started rereading soul eater! it’s a good manga, you just have to get past the first 2-3 volumes for it to get good. the initial parts are pure ecchi. 

i might spam the blog w some pictures of norway later ^^;;

sorry for the short&all over the place response, I’m just so so tired, even tho it’s only been one week of school. I blame my period.

Anyway, the next one will be longer, I swear!  I hope you’re not too mad…

[edit:] I REMEMBERED WHAT I WANTED TO SAY

I SAW BOOK OF ATLANTIC. LIZZY. MY BABY. SHE FINALLY GOT HER SCENE IT WAS BEAUTIFUL ALSO UNDERTAKER. DAAAAAAAAMN

oh and i’ve gotten around to watching Death Note and it casually broke my heart. good to know, good to know.

#evans #submission