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#okay NOW I'm going to bed happy birthday lesbians I love you and will always be willing to kill for yall
pierswife · 8 months
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Women want me, I don't know what fears me but there's something out there that does
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dwobbitfromtheshire · 7 months
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I'm taking a break from my regularly scheduled fic to bring you this awkward and silly ficlet.
Robin loves Eddie, much like an annoying younger sister would, and she wanted to get him this really awesome ring for his birthday. She supposed she could have asked him for his ring size, but then that would have been too easy. So, she's here with Steve, in Eddie's new bedroom, to steal one of his rings.
"I feel like there are other ways to do this," Steve said.
"This is my plan," Robin said. "Shh!"
"There's no one here, Robin," Steve hissed. "This is so stupid. Hurry."
"I'm trying. He doesn't keep his rings in a jewelry box like a normal person," Robin said.
"Would you really want Eddie to be normal?" Steve asked.
"Nah," she said, smiling fondly. "I love that weirdo."
Suddenly, there was the sound of van tires squealing out side.
"Oh, fuck!" Robin cursed.
"Hurry it up!" Steve said, snapping his fingers.
The sound of Eddie making his way up the stairs heightened their panic.
"Fuck!" Eddie cursed and they jumped. "I forgot my pretzels."
The sound of him leaving caused them to sigh in relief. Steve motioned for her to hurry up. Robin let out a quiet screech when they heard the sounds of his footsteps. She raised her hands when she found the ring, and she rushed to Eddie's little balcony that was just outside his window. Steve followed her.
"No!" She whispered. "There's no room! Hide in the closet!"
"Why don't you hide in the closet?" Steve hissed at her.
"Oh, yeah, a lesbian in a closet? Very funny, Steve," Robin hissed.
"Actually, there's something that I wanted to tell you about me - ," Steve started to say.
"No time," she said and closed the window, catching Steve’s shirt in the process.
He tugged and tugged, but it wouldn't budge. Robin couldn't get the window back open. Meanwhile, Eddie's footsteps were getting closer.
"Robin!"
"Just slip out of your shirt, close the curtains, and hide in the closet!" Robin
Steve cursed at her, slipped out of his shirt, and closed the curtains. Meanwhile, Robin was balanced on this very small balcony. Did they really have to give the Munsons a two story house? She could hear the sound of Eddie coming into the bedroom, struggling to carry what sounds like several bags of pretzels. She rolled her eyes when she heard him toss them on his bed.
"Now, to work on my campaign," Eddie said and cackled until a loud sneeze came from his closet. "Okay. . .but wait, now I have to kick the shit out of whoever is hiding in the closet. Bet it's Dustin, always trying to sneak a peak at my notes - Oh helloooo, big boy. You know, my birthday isn't for another couple of weeks."
"I know, I got excited. I wanted to give you your gift early," Steve said.
"Well, happy birthday to me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is my birthday gift you?" Eddie asked.
Robin's eyes widened. No fucking way.
". . .yes."
Oh, holy shit. That's what Steve had been trying to tell her, and she. . . She practically shoved him into a fucking closet. Jesus. Suddenly, she heard the sound of loud moaning. Oh, they were kissing. Oh, she hoped they were kissing. Shit, she was going to have to listen to this, wasn't she? She was going to have to listen as her best friend lost his guy virginity. The sound of the pretzels being pushed off the bed made her wince. She was screwed, just like Steve was about to be.
"Wait, Eddie," Steve said. "You should know that you're the first guy that I've been with ever. Until I met you, I didn't even know I could like guys. I thought it was one or the other. I never thought it could be both."
Oh, Steve. Robin held a hand to her mouth, struggling not to say anything.
"Baby, I promise to be as gentle with you as you want me to be," Eddie said.
"The thing is that I think I got so excited about being with you that I think I forgot to be nervous. Now, I'm nervous and worried that I'm going to screw things up. In the past, I kind of rushed it in this department, and I just . . . ," Steve said.
"Want to take things slow?" Eddie asked in amusement. "Of course, I'll take anything that you can give me. You know why?"
"Why?"
"Because I love you, silly," Eddie said.
"I love you too, Eddie," Steve said, and she could tell her friend's voice was thick with emotion.
Tears filled her eyes. Fuck. She loved Eddie even more now.
"You just have to have to answer me one thing," Eddie said. "Why is your shirt hanging in the window? You didn't close the curtains all the way."
"Uh, I got nervous and panicked, then my shirt got stuck," Steve replied.
"Oh, yeah, that window is tricky. I have been meaning to fix it," Eddie said. "Let me get that."
"Wait!"
Robin froze, eyes wide as she heard Eddie come close to the window. A moment later, the window was opened, and Steve’s shirt was free.
'Tada!" Eddie exclaimed and then popped his head out the window. "Oh, hey, Robin."
He pulled his head back in again. There was a pause, and then Eddie's head was out the window once more. He stared at her, blinking.
"Coo! Coo!" Robin panicked.
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