#octonauts. pretty high. I was too old for it when it came out but I would have loved it as a kid | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

danbensen · 4 years

Link

Trigger Warnings: Cancer, Coronavirus

So there I was, feeling good.

I was in the grocery store for maybe the third time since February, buying ice, salt, frozen strawberries, and the other ingredients of home-made ice cream. My headphones were in my ears, playing Terry Pratchett’s Maskerade, and my own mask was fogging up my glasses.

I carried my bags out, nodded to the hand-sanitizer lady, and emerged into the green, breezy warmth of May in Sofia. Big, white clouds piled themselves above the hilly crowns of the chestnut trees. Swallows dove and starlings chimed. People walked between the apartment buildings and neighborhood stores, but the playground was still roped off. I removed my mask, attempting to neither rip my glasses nor my earphones off my face, and made for home.

The whole scene should have scared the hell out me.

Warm breezes? Fluffy white clouds? Last spring, buying ice cream would grip my guts with dread. I remember stopping by the frozen food section and feeling the depression settle over my shoulders like a wet woolen sweater. I remember an earlier May, another playground where I ate ice cream with Pavlina and the girls, when I was dying of cancer. That was four years ago, almost to the day.

Don’t worry, I won’t go into any more details of how I got sick. If you want to know more, I wrote about it here. Suffice to say that spring is a hard time for me. For the past three years, the period between March to June reminded me of this very painful and frightening time, and that made happiness hard to keep hold of.

Except that this year, we’ve been in quarantine the whole season! I haven’t been teaching classes in the same office, or eating at the same restaurants, or doing any of the same stuff I was doing four years ago. This time, when I went shopping for ice cream, I was wearing a face mask. The playgrounds are closed. We had been rushing forward, and disease knocked us back hard. That does feel familiar.

The good news is that the recovery also feels familiar. In Europe, the first wave of the coronavirus is receding. Bulgaria’s kindergartens and restaurants have reopened after nearly three months of complete lock-down. There have been two deaths in the past 24 hours and seventeen new cases. We’re planning to reopen hotels. It’s still too early to drop all caution and go back to normal, of course…

But I find I don’t want to. I don’t like a lot about the old normal. I don’t want to return to the Cult of Busy and the Fear of Missing Out. I don’t want to spend half the day in transit and half the weekend worrying about whether I’m being social enough. I made ice cream with my kids during the lock-down*! I wrote poems about budgies and helped them with their homework. I had more snowball fights this spring than ever in my adult life.

Of course the coronavirus is a disaster. It has killed hundreds of thousands of people. It’s knocked global society back hard. But if that feeling of being knocked back is very familiar to me, so is the knowledge that I’m lucky to be alive to think about what comes next. Four years ago, I went in for surgery and came back to consciousness with new priorities. I promised myself I would do more good with the time I had been given.

Then I began the great, good work of recovery.

What does your recovery look like? What will you do differently now? Let’s make a list.

Ahem.

Apparently, my recovery looks like focusing even harder on writing books. My webpage and twitter stream look pretty barren this month, but I finished the beta version of Wealthgiver. I also spent more time on personal emails than I have for a while, and I’ve had some really deep and interesting discussions there and on Zoom. I’ve talked with experts on biology, physics, and Thracology, as well as colleagues and mentors in the sphere of writing. I feel as if I’m growing. My Thracian wordlist is undergoing some major metamorphosis, let me tell you.

Here’s a fun example:

Zi-issa ax issti zălmossa.

“The truest face is the mask.”

Doesn’t that look nice? All sinister and hissy? And here’s the “classical Thracian” for the same sentence.

Ax sa źi ísas ḗsti źälmós sa.

Now that’s sinister, hissy, and needlessly complicated! Just the aethetic I’m going for! Umlauts, baby!

I want to play with my Thracian some more, so without further ado, here’s what I liked this month:

Ronja the Robber’s Daughter: Astrid Lingrin + Studio Ghibli + Birmingham accents = good wholesome fun. As a father, I wish Ronja spent less time leaping back and forth over deadly crevasses. And those harpies are top notch.

Octonaut: Underwater adventures where the biology isn’t bad and everything has bunny-noses and beady little black eyes, including the carrots. Why are there spaient submarine carrots? It’s just one of the many mysteries of the deep.

Feierabend by Grossstadtgeflüster: I don’t know what she’s singing about, but she’s super into it.

Yggdrasill by SKÁLD: These guys are are into it too! Urðar brunni!

85 by Andy Grammer: Damn that backbeat! Mm’mm whappa mm!

The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner: It has a good twist ending and a claustrophobic tomb-robbing scene that just about makes up for the characters’ sarcastic sniping.

Maskerade by Terry Pratchett: This is one of the first Diskworld books I read back in high school. I didn’t realize it until now, but it set a lot of my expectations about helping other people and writing. Those expectations weren’t entirely borne out, but maybe that’s just a sign I should become an erotic witch-chef instead.

Memory by Lois McMaster Bujold: Holy Russian Space-Gods this book is a work of art! It is a pleasure and an education to see Bujold take her character through a high, a low, and lower low, then back up for a quick trip to the store to buy eggs, and then its back down we go! Forget that nonsense about the three act structure and the hero’s journey, Miles has an ego-shattering revalatory insight like every third chapter! God damn but I want to write like this! Just read it.

Rising Strong by Brené Brown: I always enjoy Brown’s books because she’s approaching being a good person from the opposite direction as me. She talks about her childhood and her basic fears and desires and none of it rings a bell for me, but then she’ll come out with “judgementalness is caused by resentment, and the antidote for resentment is boundaries.” I don’t agree with her about everything, but she really seems to have a-

The Judging Eye by R. Scott Bakker: (Aspect-Emperor #1): It wasn’t as good as the books of Bakker’s previous series in this world, but it’s still pretty damn good. The tangly depths of scene description and character emotion don’t go quite as deep. The author’s thoughts on judgement are interesting, but they don’t quite ever get where they’re going. And I didn’t care much about the teenage prince of Rohan. But all that crawling through the black catacombs of an ancient and corrupted civilization? Mmwah!

Next month I’m working on the sequel to Protector. So anybody got some recommendations for spy thrillers, the Italian Renaissance, nano-manufacturing, and meditations on trust?

#mystuff #newsletter #writing #coronavirus #book review

6 notes · View notes

cephii · 7 years

Note

1-200 let's go babe ;>

200: My crush’s name is: Jayjay the jet plane199: I was born in: 2003198: I am really: Hungry :^[197: My cellphone company is: T-mobile196: My eye color is: Blue?? Grey?? Something in between that. My eyes have yellow in them too, it’s weird 195: My shoe size is: either a 7 or 8?? I forgot194: My ring size is: I actually have no idea uH193: My height is: either 5′4 or 5′5192: I am allergic to: Certain food preservatives, something they put in sunscreen idk :^[191: My 1st car was: Lightning McQueen 190: My 1st job was: Being born189: Last book you read: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde188: My bed is: Soft, occupied by me atm, queen sized 187: My pet: Don’t got one186: My best friend: tARA185: My favorite shampoo is: Idk, oof 184: Xbox or ps3: Don’t rly use either 183: Piggy banks are: Gay, kinda cute honestly 182: In my pockets: I’m not wearing pants right now181: On my calendar: I don’t use calenders 180: Marriage is: Amazing for people who actually care about each other! But not just to get married, divorce is NOT fun. 179: Spongebob can: control gravity 178: My mom: is a huge role model to me! (She might be very homophobic oof, but she’s great! When she first came to the US, she had to learn an entire new language, make enough money to feed 2 starving kids, and pay for my dad’s funeral, but 13 years later she is very very successful in a career she loves 177: The last three songs I bought were? Isle unto thyself (Joe Hawley) The Greatest Show Unearthed (Creature Feature) Hidden in the Sand (Tally Hall)176: Last YouTube video watched: Val Val Val175: How many cousins do you have? 5174: Do you have any siblings? Yes! Two of them. An 18 year old sister, and a 7 year old brother173: Are your parents divorced? nope :^0172: Are you taller than your mom? yES I AM 171: Do you play an instrument? I play the ukulele 170: What did you do yesterday? sCHOOL DANCE AND HAD MY FRIENDS SLEEP AT MY HOUSE OOF [ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: No 168: Luck: No167: Fate: No166: Yourself: Sometimes165: Aliens: Yes164: Heaven: No163: Hell: To an extent 162: God: Nah man 161: Horoscopes: No160: Soul mates: In a way159: Ghosts: Yes158: Gay Marriage: YES 157: War: No156: Orbs: Nah155: Magic: Certain forms of it, yeah. [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE 153: Drunk or High: Neither, both are damaging 152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Red hair150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 149: Hot or cold: Cold148: Summer or winter: Winter147: Autumn or Spring: Spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: I really love both142: McDonalds or Burger King: I don’t really like fast food but if I had to eat it then yeAH BURGER KING 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate 140: Mac or PC: Mac 139: Flip flops or high heals: Heels are prettier, but flip flops are wAY more comfortable 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Ugly and rich, oof137: Coke or Pepsi: I can’t drink soda136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Buried (as loNG AS I GET TO DECOMPOSE)134: Singing or Dancing: Singing133: Coach or Chanel: Coach132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: i cANT CHOOSE 131: Small town or Big city: Big city 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Why the fuck would I answer this128: Manicure or Pedicure: Neither 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: My birthdaY 125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: y A N K E E S [ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: War is just extremely stupid?? Pointless?? All of the above?? There is no need to kill people because you have problems. Why can’t we just play chess or something? To win that, you must be very skilled and knowledgeable. Instead of the bloodthirsty leading us, the chess players should ;^0. Think about it! War is a primal instinct. We, as humans, like to distance ourselves from past methods. Instead of advancing something we’ve done for centuries, why don’t we just reinvent it entirely? War really is one of my biggest and most sincere fears, neither sides are just when they want to kill people with beautiful lives just to solve some problem that is solvable with a simple debate. 121: George Bush: Don’t know very much120: Gay Marriage: Very very important! There is no need to even debate when gay couples are statistically less likely to divorce. 119: The presidential election: Eugh118: Abortion: It’s up to the mother. I personally prefer giving the baby away for adoption, but I wouldn’t shame somebody for going through with it117: MySpace: Never used it116: Reality TV: Kinda stupid, makes me really uncomfortable honestly 115: Parents: Mixed opinions??114: Back stabbers: I deal with too many too often 113: Ebay: Can be pretty useful I guess112: Facebook: Don’t use it, but it’s alright I guess111: Work: Very important! 110: My Neighbors: My neighbors both have VERY cute dogs. One of them has a huge golden retriever, hes super sweet. The other has 2 German shepherds, super pretty dogs auGH 109: Gas Prices: Honestly just use electric cars, fuel is running out108: Designer Clothes: Some are nice. Some are stupid and really overpriced. 107: College: Go if you want to, it’s useful! But kinda really expensive 106: Sports: I like some of them!105: My family: Love one half, despise the other104: The future: Don’t make me think about it[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: 12:00-ish when my friend left today102: Last time you ate: 10 hours ago??101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: I don’t remember 100: Cried in front of someone: 3 days ago 99: Went to a movie theater:2 years ago-ish98: Took a vacation: 7 months ago97: Swam in a pool: a week ago:^]]96: Changed a diaper: Never have 95: Got my nails done: Never have 94: Went to a wedding: 8 years ago93: Broke a bone: Never have92: Got a peircing: 9 years ago (but that was against my will eeP)91: Broke the law: I basically am in some way, always. It might be a dumb law, but I never know for sure90: Texted: I am right now [ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Vini 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My blankets87: The last movie I saw: La la land86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: The last day of school!85: The thing im not looking forward to: First day of summer84: People call me: Clyde, Milo, Meelo, Gay83: The most difficult thing to do is: Not take things personally 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never ever 81: My zodiac sign is: Cancer80: The first person i talked to today was: Vini 79: First time you had a crush: When I was 478: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Vini, Eugene, and Melody77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Idk76: Right now I am talking to: jasmine and vini75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Idk, really. But I wanna be an astronomer!74: I have/will get a job: Idk, my parents won’t let me73: Tomorrow: comes today 72: Today: Is a sunday! Time to go to the store today 71: Next Summer: Is another summer70: Next Weekend: Idek oof 69: I have these pets: NONE OF THE PETS AHAHA68: The worst sound in the world: Someone I care about crying67: The person that makes me cry the most is: some ‘friends’ (In a bad way) Eugene (in the best way possible)66: People that make you happy: My (actual and not fake) friends! At least the ones who care to talk to me regularly 65: Last time I cried: like 30 minutes ago

64: My friends are: gay and half of them are fake as fuck

63: My computer is: Pretty okay! Might not be the best, but she gets the job done62: My School: I’m terrified of any school, it’s a terrible experience. I’m just glad I have people to talk to that get my mind off of things I hate about the place! (Minus the times they start joking about the subject and it upsets me :’^[)61: My Car: I don’t own one personally 60: I lose all respect for people who: make children cry59: The movie I cried at was: I cry at most movies jfc 58: Your hair color is: dirty blonde! It looks red in some types of light tho57: TV shows you watch: Right now? I’m really just watching Huner x Hunter and Rick and Morty. Not keeping up with much else 56: Favorite web site: niceonedad.com55: Your dream vacation: Death valley! Primarily to see the stars 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Cutting my arm open with a knife 53: How do you like your steak cooked: Well done52: My room is: Kinda clean51: My favorite celebrity is: Neil Patrick Harris 50: Where would you like to be: In sleepy land 49: Do you want children: No48: Ever been in love: Yes 47: Who’s your best friend: TaRA46: More guy friends or girl friends: I kinda have the same ammount of both45: One thing that makes you feel great is: When people say they love me44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Eugene43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: I don’t like the thought of death at all, so a list wouldn’t help me41: Have you pre-named your children: No 40: Last person I got mad at: My dad39: I would like to move to: Poland38: I wish I was a professional: faggot[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Krówki36: Vehicle: I like planes 35: President: Idk oopsies 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Idk 32: Athlete: Idk ooF 31: Actor: Neil Patrick Harris 30: Actress: CANT DECIDE AUGHH 29: Singer: Joe Hawley 28: Band: Tally Hall 27: Clothing store: H&M26: Grocery store: I don’t care as long as you have strawberry milk25: TV show: Honestly the Octonauts 24: Movie: La La Land 23: Website: niceonedad.com22: Animal: GOAT 21: Theme park: Disney20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: baseball18: Sport to play: Badminton 17: Magazine: I don’t read them16: Book: Pride and Prejudice 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Idk :’^[13: Concert attended: I don’t go to concerts 12: Thing to cook: I like baking muffins 11: Food: S T R A W B E R R I E S 10: Restaurant: Idk, aughhHh9: Radio station: I don’t listen to the radio very much 8: Yankee candle scent: I can’t smell candles 7: Perfume: angel by thierry mugler6: Flower: Roses 5: Color: Pink4: Talk show host: Idk oof 3: Comedian: Drew Lynch 2: Dog breed: Chusky 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Indeed I did, my good friend

0 notes