#not just a passive handwave like 'yeah this is fine i guess'

[dsgustng]

It makes me mad that Im. At least pretty sure before opening a new business buildings have to be inspected pretty thoroughly and prepared and up to a certain standard but it feels like with places people actually live like houses and apartments landlords are able to just make shit the bare minimum level of quality as long as it looks fine and clean on a surface level

#im like. sick of moving into places that r fucking barley holding together and they charge so much damn money for us to live here #but it feels like they dont even inspect them or clean them b4hand #when we first moved into our apartment the floors would regularly make our feet black and #our washing machine stinks. i opened the fabric softener dispenser to find it hadnt been cleaned at all and was full of mold and grime #the windoseals r all rotted and regularly grow fungus too no matter how much i wipe them down or disinfect them #i found out the entire back of my bathroom sink isnt sealed bc i spilled water and it all poured under the cabinet #also my roommates window leaks and when we first moved in the landlord was just like 'yeah that happens we dont know how to fix it'????? #it drives me insane like how is this legal lmao #u get to live in this overpriced stinky unclean place and u cant even paint the walls. die #i dont even hate my apartment i actually rlly like it but i wish they legally were obligated to get a professional clean and inspection #not just a passive handwave like 'yeah this is fine i guess' #also the power outlet r constantly constantly giving us problems its so fucking stupid

[incarnateirony]

My frustration with fandom never really ends. SPN is now more alchemical in it’s structure than Full Metal Alchemist, but because it’s not literally titled that or ELI5′ed to the crowd as specifically that, while even using direct quotes from major books in the study, people handwave it away *still*, to this *day*, or act like they’re being giving saying “I guess they might nod to it sometimes”. S 4-5 wasn't titled Full Emo Christian but everyone figured it out. That’s about the equivalent of saying S4-5 “nodded to the bible sometimes”. Honestly worse. Back then it wasn’t related bible verse titles or full cinematic color work and framing and yet here I am, hearing people say things like “I mean I guess if we got there,” like no, guys, we’re already there, we’ve been there for years. That’s like being halfway through S5 and acting generous saying “I mean I guess if they started using the bible I could see it happening” like guys-- guys-- GUYS.

It’s one thing to not UNDERSTAND it all because it’s so niche. That’s what asking questions and study and meta is for. It’s another to just keep walling it off and refusing to even think of it. Hell even if you don’t want to engage the alchemical stuff consciously, even that’s fine, but the passive aggression of dismissal is e x h a u s t i n g

I’ve even been called dogmatic for pointing this out. So in season 4-5, if literally nobody knew what Christianity was except you because IDK, AU where everybody’s been gargling Zeus for thousands of years instead, the One Random Person  -- you knew about all the related biblical, apocryphal and other texts and kept trying to point out the Whore of Babylon, and angels, and seals, and Lucifer, and revelations, and orders of operations in the text -- and people kept going “MEH SEEMS FAKE” without actually trying to get it how fucking absurd would it seem? Or when someone goes “NO” and throws down their collective textbooks about literally everything happening in the show, and you sit here literally trying to explain why the show is working the way it is and how the Book of Revelations is applicable -- is that dogmatic, or simply aware and studied in a topic? 

I mean, someone could say angels are a totally made up thing for TV and had no foundation, or someone can explain to the reader where these things come from. Now, if the person does not get knocked off their viewpoint, because they can point out all the bible verses quoted or story-enacted, and point out that it is literally the plot, are they being dogmatic or are they just being based about wtf the story is using as its inspiration/playbook?

I really don’t know where I’m going with this post beyond venting, because I’m exhausted of enduring microaggressions over this kind of thing just because people don’t WANT to-- I dunno. It varies person to person. Conflicts with what they want out of the show? Just don’t understand it and have zero reason to pursue it? Hell the latter is fine unless you turn around and slap at someone over it. 

The question is, is it truly dogmatic to just get outright annoyed at the passive aggressive mentality and deletion of alternative traditions per convenience when you literally won’t get budged off of the source text, or is this something fandom really needs to think about a little more? There’s people to defend others for their queer lens, their poc lens, their gender lens, whatever. Imagine if you had not a single soul defending you for, say, seeing Destiel, even, to make it simple for the average reader. No queer lens defense. “But it’s queer stuff not religion!” and yeah. And some of us have followed paths of whatever sort before we even admitted to ourselves we were queer and the stuff is JUST as attached to your mental lens and identity as anything else. Come on y’all. Be more mindful, and more open. You don’t have to pursue a path but it’d be great if I could stop leaving group chats because I’m tired of getting slapped at and diminished because it’s not the one Western Approved Religion being used, and instead I’m enjoying thoughtful use of a niche philosophy I’ve spent my life on. 

Don’t understand it? Cool, fine, awesome. Nobody’s saying you have to. Shit on it because you don’t want to understand it, or act generous in denial of dismissing the core elements entirely but going like “if it happened”, miss me with that. Again, to put this in public perception, what about people going “I don’t see anything at all whatsoever with Dean and Cas being a unit but I guess if they went there it’d be fine” here in season fucking 15. And there being. ZERO PEOPLE. ZERO SAFE SPACES. Where you can avoid being slapped at, and then, IDK, get accused of Gay Agenda when you’re pointing out “But 15.03 and 15.09 and like the entire history since S9???” -- seems pretty stupid, doesn’t it. If not outright assholish, even if it’s not consciously being an asshole.

Every time you hear that shit about Destiel you get annoyed, right? You probably hear it about once a month or every few months? Try like, almost daily on something else important to you, with zero defenders, zero safe spaces, and zero thought about why you’re investing yourself in something impacting and deeply seated in you. There is no hermeticist group chat. There’s in fact three hermetic and hermetic-adjacent people to hide in our corner together trying to enjoy this. Four if you count the one approaching it from an angle of academia which, not to be offensive, but from the inside over here I can see all of the weirdly angled trajectories that don’t actually sit right in the usage of it but bless them for trying. The difference between knowledge and understanding, if you will. Five if you count my Jewish friend that intrinsically understands about half of what I talk about because of the overlap with Qabbalah. That’s it. That’s what we have. And I don’t think people really understand how toxic and destructive to enjoyment it is to catch it from everywhere.

Like has it occurred to the “MEH”ers that I literally built an entire spec series based on this structural theology use in plot last year that not only came true, but continues to, to the point I’m now remastering the videos with new content to make new spec moving forward, or--

Like c’mon y’all. I’m not a magic 8ball, I just know the goddamn source text for reasons that would be REALLY great if people stop using passive aggressive language to dismiss. Engage it, don’t engage it; understand it, don’t understand it. That’s fine. It’s the slapback and phrasing of rejection that’s the issue I deal with often.

I’m now at a point where I’m hanging in Daf Yomi servers and niche holes in the wall in fandom just to avoid this shit and it’s just P E R S I S T E N T.

Thanks.

#pagan life #mildew #tired #rant