#not beta'd we die like Sammi should have

[squirrel-fund]

A.U.gust 2023 • Day 9 • College

A huge thank you to @gallavichthings for hosting!! 🧡

[This started out as just a graphic of Mickey's door, and then this happened...]

•••

•••

"Excuse me. Could you tell me where to find-"

"Do you know-"

"Would you mind help-"

Ian freezes among the sea of college students that pass by, ignoring him as if he were invisible.

Why didn't he take the advice of his older siblings and gotten here earlier? Now, he could feel anxiety pooling in his chest as fear sped up his heart rate. His first day at college and he's already fucking up. Damn, what if Frank had been right? What if he was just a mistake, a waste of space.

"Hey, you okay?"

Ian focuses on the female voice in front of him. Finally, someone willing to help him.

"I think... I'm fucking lost."

"Here on campus, in life, or both?"

He lets out a relived laugh. "Definitely both."

"Okay." The girl repositions her bookbag on her left shoulder and grins at him. "We'll tackle one thing at a time. Can't find your dorm?"

"Am I that obvious?"

"You look scared to death." She laughs before softly punching him in the shoulder. "Come on, I know someone who can help. I'm Mandy, by the way."

Ian can't help the relieved smile that blooms across his face as he follows his new savior across campus. "Nice to meet you, Mandy. I'm Ian."

<><><>

"So, Ian... you single?"

"Oh, uhm... well, kinda."

"Kinda? What the hell does that mean?"

This was the moment that Ian had obsessed about. To be out and proud on campus or be okay with hushed hookups in some random closet. To gay or not to gay was the question he desperately needed to decide an answer to. So, why not give it a shot with a helpful stranger.

"I'm single. My... my ex... we broke up after graduation. He said he didn't want to be tied down."

Mandy snorts at his answer. "Well, your ex is dumb as shit. You definitely won't be single for long, trust me."

That was it. No judgmental frown, no shocked reaction. Ian just knows, right then and there that Mandy, whatever her last name is, will officially become his favorite person on campus.

At least for now.

As they continue through the halls, Ian starts to notice that the overly cheerful bulletin boards that introduce RAs to the students around them and encourage that friendship is indeed magic, have suddenly gone barren.

No bright colors, no badly drawn, well-known characters from television and movies. Just printed notices that announce floor meetings, things for sell, and other blunt, to the point directions. Ian has to chuckle when such a notice catches his eye. It reads: "GO TO FUCKING CLASS!"

Nudging Mandy in the side, he points at the sign so she too can enjoy the ridiculous words that are trying, and probably failing, to be motivational.

But instead of laughter, all she does is roll her eyes. "I know. He's so fucking stupid. I swear if he gets kicked outta the RA program I'll kill him myself."

And Ian needs to ask the obvious question. Who the hell is 'he'? But before the question can even land on his tongue, Mandy is pounding on a door.

"Open up, dickbreath! Need your help."

She jiggles the doorknob, but it's apparently locked. Dickbreath must not be in, but Ian can see a note taped to the door that has an emergency number written on it.

"Maybe we should call the emergency number?"

Mandy pauses her assault on the door and raises an eyebrow at him. "What emergency number?"

Another glance towards the piece of paper and Ian can see that the number isn't a number at all. It's a word written middle finger to those on their side of the door.

With a shake of her head, Mandy goes right back to pissing the occupant off. She just keeps pounding on the door, making threats to whoever lives inside, while other residents start peeping their heads out into the hall, clearly interested in the disturbance but not enough to take action.

One audience member must know her, though. "Just fucking text him, Mandy, fuck! Some of us are trying to study. I mean-"

And it's during this rant that the door swings open and the hottest, angriest guy that Ian has ever fucking seen steps out into the hallway and instantly yells at the guy.

"Fuck off, James! You're a general education major. The fuck are you studying? Two plus two? Spoiler... it's fucking four."

It shuts the guy up instantly. Well, that and the laughter from his fellow peers.

But dickbreath isn't done with him.

"Why don't you go write a letter home to your mommy? Tell her you're still a virgin. Bet she'd be proud."

Ian can practically feel the anger radiating off of James when he slams the door closed. The rest of the students return to their rooms and Ian hears Mandy's brother clear his throat.

"Who the hell is this?"

"Ian. He's lost."

"No shit. He's with you."

She scoffs, crossing her arms and hitting him with a glare. "He needs help with finding his dorm room."

Dickbreath, or whoever, leans against the doorframe. "And? Take him to student services. S'not my job to play tour guide."

"Actually, it is. You're a resident advisor, Mick, so maybe you should, ya know... 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘦 him where to go."

Ian senses tension. He hates tension. So, he trys to smooth things over. "It's cool. Nick is right. I should have-"

"It's Mick." Dickbreath... uhm, Mick says, sounding out the letter M like he's talking to a toddler. "Like milk, mad, money... and call me Mickey."

Mandy giggles. "Like the m-mm-mouse."

"Shut the fuck up."

Apparently, she's used to this because she just sticks her tongue out at him and pulls her phone out.

"Oh, shit, I gotta go. I'm late for class-"

"The fuck you are."

"-and the professor is a real bitch-"

"You should love her then."

"-so, anyway, yeah. Ian, Mickey. Mickey, Ian. Have fun!"

And just like that, she's gone.

<><><>

Mickey eyes Ian. Jesus, this dude's tall. He should be in a damn centerfold, not here, outside Mickey's room, looking like a fucking wet dream. And goddammit, he's gorgeous. Red hair, green eyes, freckles fucking everywhere. He's always been a sucker for freckles. They just demand attention. Quickly, he imagines them together, talking about absolutely nothing, a storm rolls in while Mickey traces those tiny specks with his fingertips.

Shit. Mickey needs to get laid real fucking soon because, he thinks, he just might need to kick his own ass for that thought.

"What building you in?"

Ian shrugs. "I don't know."

And that's annoying, but, "alright, what's your room number?"

"I don't... I didn't get that information."

Mickey grabs his hoodie off the inside hook beside his door and shrugs it on, closing it behind him. "That's weird. They usually give you that shit in orientation."

Ian doesn't say anything and Mickey takes a minute to assess this situation. New student, lost as fuck, track pants, backwards hat, duffle bag-

"Which you didn't go to because they scheduled your practice at the same time, didn't they?"

Ian's eyes go almost comically wide. "Yes! Why do they do that?"

Mickey shrugs, pushing through the emergency exit open in a way that doesn't trip the alarm, a skill mastered after weeks of running late for class. "Because they own you now. Scholarship?"

"How did you know?"

"Ain't my first year, Red. Plus, I'm supposed to be 'friendly' and 'relatable' as a chosen RA. I know how to spot fresh meat. Plus... you're dressed like a fucking billboard for both Under Armor and this school. No one does that unless they're throwin' money at them."

"Right. Makes sense."

Mickey nods. Of course it does. It's then that he realizes they're walking without a destination, and really, that's unacceptable. "So, do you know anything about where you might be staying?"

Ian stops walking, dropping his duffle bag to the ground before taking a knee and rummaging through it. And Mickey absolutely DOES NOT think of Ian on his knees for any other reason.

"Ah! Here! It says my resident advisor is Paula? Uhm... yeah, Paula Bitterman."

"Fuck off. Paula?"

"You know her?"

Yeah, Mickey fucking knows her alright.

"Listen man, I'm supposed to make you feel comfortable in your 'transition to educational success' but that bitch is fucking nuts. One dude, last year, apparently played his music too loud for her taste and to teach him a lesson she tied him to a chair, smeared raw ground beef on his body, and threatened him with a big ass German Shepard. Guy had nightmares for weeks."

Mickey doesn't need to add that the guy in that story had been him.

Ian groans with this new information. "Great. That's all I need on top of everything else. A psycho RA!"

And he feels bad. Mickey knows how much pressure new students are under, add in being on a scholarship and then top that with Paula Bitterman? Anyone would crumble under that.

Ian shouldn't have to though.

Mickey knew as soon as Mandy showed up at his door with Ian what his matchmaking bitch of a sister was doing. And even though he didn't seem to, he does appreciate her efforts.

But, he wanted to play this slow. That's why his ass is single 𝘯𝘰𝘸. He moved too fast. Got too comfortable and went and caught feelings for someone who did not feel the same.

And ever since then, for the past six months, Mandy has paraded every gay guy she meets across Mickey's path. Yet, none of them have interested him. Just a gray blend of guys who could be mistaken for anyone else.

But there's something different about Ian. From the moment that Mickey saw him in the hallway, he can tell this motherfucker clings to the shit he cares about.

Mickey sorta wants that someday.

So, fuck it. Here goes.

"You could... I don't know... I mean, if you wanted to..."

"If I wanted to what?"

Spit it out, Milkovich!

"You should sleep with me."

That was not what Mickey's brain had wanted to say.

"I mean... not together, obviously..."

Ian scrunches up his face, sarcasm extremely evident. "Obviously? You mean, you don't want to sleep with me?"

Mickey sighs. "What I 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 is that there's an open room on my floor this semester. I could probably pull a few strings. Get you moved."

"Really? You'd do that?"

"Sure, why not? You're a better option than whatever dumbass this place chooses for me."

Mickey knows he needs to try harder.

<><><>

Three weeks into the semester and Ian is obsessed with Mickey.

How could he not be?

Not only did Mickey get Ian moved to his building but he also, somehow, got him a card for the cafeteria to get free food. He had said it was because of Ian's "fucked up schedule" making it nearly impossible to grab a bite on days he has practice.

But, Ian likes to believe it's more than that.

Because Mickey comes to his games, he texts him at night to complain about James and his "bitchy attitude", he sends him funny memes before Ian has to run across campus to the two classes he absolutely dispises, and on the rare days when Ian comes in way too late from practice, muscles aching, exhausted beyond measure, Mickey always has some type of food waiting for him.

Yet, Ian doesn't say anything. He knows Mickey is gay. That's not the problem.

The problem is that Mickey is a RA. And, technically, all these gestures that he makes for Ian fall under the umbrella of a helpful RA. Through his rough, sorry not sorry, attitude, Mickey is a great RA and he actually gives a shit about his residents, even James.

So, yeah, Ian stays quiet about his infatuation for his RA.

Or, at least he does until October, when he's interrupted from his studying by a familiar, obnoxious banging on his door.

He yells out that it's open and just who he expects steps into his room.

"Hey, Mands. What's up?"

She kicks the door shut and glares at him. Ian feels a fear he's never experienced before slide down his back. "What-"

"Are you retarded?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are. You. Retarded?"

Honestly, Ian's a bit offended. "No."

Mandy crosses her arms and nods. "Then are you blind?"

Alright. That's it.

"Okay, Mandy. I don't know what your deal is but-"

"𝘔𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘭!?" She practically screeches in his face. "My 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘭 is 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. My brother likes you. He does all of these things for you to prove it and show he's interested, and yet I find out that you're going on a date with some meat head from my chemistry lab this Halloween? What the hell, Ian?"

"Mickey? Hold on, Mickey likes me?"

"Yes! God, you are 𝘴𝘰 dumb!"

Ian agrees, perhaps he is. "I just thought he was doing all that stuff because he's my RA."

Mandy scoffs, but her posture softens. "My brother half-asses his RA responsibilities just enough so they won't pull it from him." She sits down next to Ian on his bed. "Feelings are hard for him. Whenever he experiences them or voices them, all he gets is disappointment. His ex, his so-called best friend from high school... our father..."

Ian stays quiet. He doesn't know much about Mandy and Mickey's dad but he knows enough to shut his mouth.

It's a solid minute and a half before she continues. "He deserves to have someone be kind to him for once. To love and to be loved in return. Doesn't everyone deserve that? At least once in this shitty life?"

He nods, because, yeah, everyone does deserve that. And Ian knows that let down. He knows how it feels, he knows how it tastes. How it can stew within you and ruin every good thing you come across.

"Yeah, of course."

"You remember back when we first met? When I asked you if you were single? If you had been in a relationship or straight, I would have taken you two floors down, where my boyfriend is a RA. Instead, I took your gay, single, lost puppy looking ass to my brother."

Ian doesn't know what to say to that. Imagine if his fear from that day had won out and he had never met Mickey? That thought alone physically pains him.

His cellphone lands in his lap. "Text him. Now. And cancel your other date. Halloween is Mickey's favorite holiday."

He just grins. "Yeah, I know."

As Mandy lets herself out, mumbling about how clueless men are, Ian opens up his and Mickey's message thread. He takes a deep breath and takes a leap. Hopeful he'll land safely in solid arms attached to tattooed knuckles.

He types:

"Are you free on Halloween?"

#not beta'd we die like Sammi should have #this has no plot #but I wrote it so #gallavich #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #mandy milkovich #college au #a.u.gust 2023 #auds writes #auds does canva #ficlet #less than 2500 words

[msmarvelouswinchester]

What The Heart Wants

Summary - Dean thinks his heart's deepest desire is to cast Michael out of his head but is that really his heart's deepest desire?

Pairing - Dean x Reader

Warning - Angst, Swearing TW : Character Death

A/N - This is written for @katymacsupernatural Make Me Feel Challenge (I hope you cry a little lol)

My prompt was "I don't want an apology"

Spn divider by @talesmaniac89

Beta'd by the lovely @deanwanddamons

"I don’t know. I-I guess you – you hold the pearl and – and concentrate on what your heart desires," Sam said and gave Dean the pearl

"You think it will work?" Dean said looking at the pearl in his hand.

"I guess so," Sam frowned.

"Michael outta my head. Got it,” Dean said and balled up his fist.

"See, it didn't work’” Dean scoffed, "I can still feel Michael in my head banging those doors.”

"Dean?" Dean turned around and his breathing hitched at the sight of you. He couldn't believe his eyes. You looked the same as the last time he saw you.

"Y/N?" Dean said and walked towards you. He stretched out his hands, tangling his fingers with yours. You weren't an image his mind was conjuring up. You were real.

"De, wh-what is this place? Who-are you Sam? Shouldn't you be in college?"

"College? No,” Sam narrowed his eyes at the unknown girl in front of them.

"Dean, what's happening? Why are we here? Shouldn't we be in Omaha?" You looked around the place with confusion in your eyes.

"Omaha? What year is this?" Dean asked.

"2004.” You said.

"No. It's 2020. I think-I think we summoned you.”Dean's voice cracked at the end.

"Summoned me?" You frowned at his words.

"Yeah. Dean, can I talk to you for a second?" Sam asked Dean with his brows raised.

"S-sure", Dean said, his eyes still focused on you, "stay here.” Dean reluctantly let go of your hand. He thought that you would disappear into thin air once he lets you out of your eyesight. He followed his brother to another section of the bunker. Sam started to speak when he realised you were out of their earshot.

"Who is she?" Sam asked.

"Her name is Y/N. She's a hunter. I met her during a ghost hunt after you went off to college. I was hunting alone - Dad was god knows where. She's the toughest hunter I know. She had saved my ass on that ghost hunt,” Dean smiled softly at the memory.

"Then why haven't I met her? How did you summon her?" Sam started firing various questions at his brother.

"You don't know her 'cause she died,” Sam looked up at Dean in surprise, "And I don't know why I summoned her.”

"You had the pearl. It definitely has something to do with you Dean.” Sam frowned at the older Winchester.

"I don't kn-" Dean started to say, but stopped when he noticed Sam frowning at him, "I summoned her maybe because I wanted some more time with her. I loved her Sammy.”

Sam saw something in Dean's eyes he never thought he would see. A small smile was playing on Dean's lips and his eyes shone with a sliver of happiness in them. Sam understood in that moment how important you were to his brother.

"Come on, let's go and properly meet Y/N", Sam said and went back to the library of the bunker,Dean following him.

"It's so nice to meet you Y/N!" Sam pulled you into a bone crushing hug suddenly.

"Can't breathe,”you gasped.

"Sorry,”Sam released you from his hug.

"It's nice to meet you too Sam.”

"I'll leave you two alone. Give you both some space.”

Sam left the room but not before your eyes met with him. His eyes were clouded with various emotions. You couldn't quite place a finger on them, but there was a sense of vulnerability in the way the boys spoke to you. You still hadn't met the 2020 version of yourself and you were dreading meeting her. She was you, but judging by Dean's looks, something bad had happened to you.

"Did I die?" You asked the obvious question. You always knew that your end was going to be bloody - that's what happened to most hunters, but asking about your death still made a shiver run down your spine.

Dean nodded slowly. You squeezed your eyes shut.

"Yes. You die, in front of me,” Dean said and hung his head in shame, "I couldn't save you. I broke the promise. I watched as the werewolf ripped your heart out. I couldn't"- Dean choked on his words.

"When do I-" you lips quivered at the thought of the inevitable.

"Sixteen years ago. On August 25th, 2004,”As Dean said those words, his voice was overwhelmed with sadness.

"So I died two months later and all this time you had to live without me", you said, gasping lightly at the thought. You got up from your seat and walked up to Dean.

"I couldn't do anything. I-I promised to keep you safe,” Dean looked up at you, your own eyes meeting the beautiful green eyes that you loved so much.

"'I'm sorry.” Dean pulled you towards him, pressing his face into your chest. You threaded your fingers lightly through his hair.

"'M sorry,” Dean said again, his voice muffled.

"I don't want an apology, Dean,” you said. Dean let go of you, a single tear rolled down his cheek. You went down on your knees, your face now directly in front of his.

"I know", Dean said, his voice strained, "I know you can never forgive me. It's all my fault. I-I should have protected you. I-" you cut off his words by pressing your lips onto his. You felt Dean kissing you back and you melted into the kiss. You finally broke the kiss when you felt your lungs screaming for air.

"Dean, I don't want an apology, because you have nothing to apologise for. My death was inevitable. Baby, we are hunters, that's the only way we will go out,”you cleared your throat, tears were streaming down your face too, "You need to understand it's not your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself. You need to forgive yourself.”

"I never forgave myself Y/N/N. I loved you so much. I still do. I still think about you every night. I-I still think how everything would have turned out if you didn't-" Dean said. Your heart broke for the man in front of you. He was Dean Winchester, he was your Dean but something was so different about him. He didn't seem as carefree as he was in 2004.

"What happened to you?" you asked the man in front of you. He looked like the shell of the man he once was. His eyes were now almost emotionless. Something terrible had happened to him. "What happened to you, Dean?"

"Heaven, hell, purgatory - everything.” Dean scoffed.

"Hey Y/N? I hope you like pizza because we don't have anything else in here,” Sam chuckled while coming back to the library with a big box of pizza and three bottles of beer.

You nodded, glad that Sam came by to interrupt your conversation with Dean.

"So how did this whole summoning thing happen?" You asked, biting into a slice of pizza.

"The archangel Michael is riding shotgun in my head. We got hold of a pearl which fulfills your heart's deepest desire. I was using it to cast Michael out of my head which resulted in summoning you,”Dean said and shrugged at you.

"Archangel Michael? What happened in these last sixteen years, boys?"

"So you boys saved the world, huh?" You couldn't help but feel proud for the boys. You were also feeling a little sad, knowing that you wouldn't be with the boys throughout their adventures.

"More than twice.” Sam said excusing himself when his phone rang.

"So what do you think?" you asked the man who was stuffing his face with pizza. You giggled at his childish behaviour. All these years, and he hadn’tchanged at all.

"Thinb abaf whap?" Dean asked with his mouth full.

"This. What if this is a second chance?" You asked.

Dean swallowed down his food.

“Second chance for a Winchester, that's rare,”Dean scoffed.

“What if this is the second chance? You deserve it, Dean. You both deserve some happiness in your life,”you told him

“Uh-guys, I think we have a problem. See this”, Sam came back to the library and showed the video that was playing on his phone to you and Dean who gave you a ‘I told you so’ look and turned to his brother.

“What? I always knew you were a nerd but this is- what is this? Welcome to Sam Winchester’s TED talk?” Dean scrunched up his face in disgust when he heard Sam talk about the benefits of eating Kale, “Dude, this is weird - even for us! But you are here with us, then who is that Kale loving weirdo?”

“I think it's a temporal paradox,”Sam said.

“A temporal what?” Dean asked.

“Y/N from 2004 is zapped to 2020 so the timeline is correcting itself. If Y/N doesn't die, I never went back to hunting life because you both searched for Dad and killed the yellow eyed Demon and that means”-

“That means Mom doesn't come back and you become this Sam ‘I love Kale’ Winchester,”Dean cut off Sam’s words and completed the sentence himself.

“So how do we get this back to normal?” You asked the brothers.

“No, you are not serious about going back...I don't wanna lose you again, sweetheart,”Dean croaked out.

"I know. But if I don't go back, you will never get Sam back or your mom. It's me against your mother and brother.” You cracked a smile at Dean.

“I guess destroying the pearl will send you back,” Sam said.

“Let's do it then.”You swallowed thickly. You didn't want to leave Dean but it was wrong. This wasn't your life. You should be dead.

“No please, let's think this through. There has to be another way. We can make this work.” Dean pleaded.

“De, I know how you're feeling. It's honestly killing me to say goodbye to you, but you gotta understand, you have lived sixteen years without me - that's your life. This isn't your life. You gotta let me go,”you said.

Dean pulled you into a tight embrace. He clinged onto you as if his life depended on it. You pressed your lips on Dean's head.

“Dean look at me.” You cradled his face in your hands, making him look up. His eyes were starting to tear up. You had never seen Dean Winchester like this, and it shattered your heart.

“I know even if I say it, it won't make things better but it will be okay.” you softly said. Dean let go of you but pulled you into a bruising kiss.

“Do it Sammy.”Dean said after breaking the kiss.

Sam took the pearl and placed it on the table. He got a bowl to smash the pearl.

“It's okay. I love you.” you said, pecking Dean's lips one more time.

“I love you too.” Dean said and Sam smashed the pearl.

Dean continued to hold onto you until you disappeared into thin air and his hands were only holding onto air.

“I am sorry Dean,” Sam said, “you were truly happy for once.”

“I was because she was the best thing that had ever happened to me.” Dean said.

.

.

Forever taglist - @donnaintx @devil-in-my-boots @amandamdiehl @miss-nerd95

Dean/Jensen Taglist - @akshi8278 @mrsjenniferwinchester @jensengirl83

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