#not beingn able to actually write anything is kinda killing me

[imwritesometimes]

when other people in their 30s say they feel lost in their life/don't know what their purpose is/feel nervous abt life: ur gonna be fine babe I ❤️ you and you are fine this world is a hell hole and we are all doing our best you are fine you are valid ❤️

when I try to apply the same things to myself:

#things are going good! they're great! and I am fine! #I think the worst part of all this is not actually having the ability to control like allllll this shit #like the shit happening in my life very much is also just kinda... happening to everyone. #wages are too low. impossibly low. hustle culture has rotted ppl's brains. healthcare is unattainable for real in this country. #but also like on my own personal end like this is so stupid but #not beingn able to actually write anything is kinda killing me #writing used to be what I'd turn to when I was so overwhelmed with it all #to have fun and decompress and not think abt that shit and how it feels like I'm living through the collapse of an empire #but now like. lmao besties. I opened my laptop last night for the first time in over a week #and besties. friends. countrymen. it did not go well. #I could not make myself focus on that shit for ANYTHING #I have lost 1000% my ability to write. and it fuckin KILLS me. it's KILLING ME. I am being KILLED. #like I sat there and could peck out a couple sentences and then my brain would be like #ok but no do something else now this doesn't sound good this isn't flowing right booo watch reruns #and I KNOW that the answer to this is oh focus anyway baby steps turn off the tv! #but the thing is I cannot write without the tv I can't it's NOT happening for a bevy of reasons #but also no matter how much I tell my brain like ok no focus now #it doesn't happen #do you know how much this is killing me #normally I can force myself to do shit. I forced myself to quit SMOKING. #I hate this shit it is making me severely unwell and insane and unstable and mad and depressed #and obv unhinged look at these tags #erin explains it all