#no but i went back and added the hope paragraph and im tearing up thinking about him ugh

[another-stark-sub]

“Are you in love with him?” - Tony Stark Imagine

Notes: I wrote and editted this in two hours instead of going over my notes. Was gonna be spicy fluffy but it just turned into fluffy, and one of the lines/paragraphs (smth like that i dont remember how long that segment was) is based on/inspired by a fanfic on ao3 I bookmarked. I think it’s debt-free, but I could be wrong.  Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and I’m so sorry im not on here more oftennnnn

- - -

“Of course I am. He’s Tony Stark.” You sighed, a weight finally lifted off your chest. “Who isn’t in love with him?”

Bruce blinked a few times, the confusion evident on his face. “Then, why don’t you tell him?”

You scoffed. These geniuses think they know everything, but they couldn’t see what was glaringly obvious to you. “He’s Tony Stark.”

The perplexed expression didn’t disappear from your friend’s expression. So, you explained further, “It’s already a privilege, beyond that really, to be talking to you, to any Avenger. To work with any of you is an honor, and to be friends with you” -you laughed- “it shouldn’t even be possible for someone like me.”

“Don’t say that. You’re amazing, too.” 

You tried to find any tick, any clue that he was lying. But Bruce seemed to really believe this. “I know I’m amazing.” You shrugged. “I’m great. I love and I care deeply, and I have a stable job. I have a place for myself, and I take care of myself.” You clicked your tongue. “However, you all, all  you Avengers… Forget out of my league, more like off planet.

“And Tony? He said it himself. Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Add superhero, figurehead, public figure, ex-CEO, and savior of the universe. Bruce, I have confidence in myself, but Tony is something else entirely. No one is worthy of him or his affections unless they’re a god or another Avenger.”

It was hard to keep up with the statistical analysis you were trying to run. The literal one on your hologram and the one keeping your view of Tony in check. So, defeated, you sighed and leaned back in your chair. 

Bruce closed his own work and stood across the lab bench. “Weirdly enough, I’m sure none of us Avengers think that way.” After a few taps of his pen against his palm, he added, “Aren’t there fans making posts about you, too? Tony showed me the, uh, Instagram videos.”

You laughed. “Fan edits don’t make an Avenger. Saving the world does.”

He shrugged. “You help us save the world.”

“From inside Avengers Tower on a computer.” You took a deep breath. “Look, Bruce, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But, I’m not telling him.” You shrugged and brought your statistical analysis back up.

You knew your own worth. You were worthy of an amazing partner and person. Tony Stark, though, was easy beyond that. You had accepted it soon after you realized your own feelings, and while they haven’t dwindled, you knew it was for the best. 

~ - ~

Tony had never resorted to this before. It was never a question of his ability to code. In the past, it was because he didn’t need a program or an AI to do it for him. He could always tell if someone was into him. He knew when Pepper was into him. The moment Rhodey gazed at him back in their MIT days. Every single reporter and heiress and model he slept with, he knew when their thoughts turned sexual or romantic. 

You, though. With you, he couldn’t fucking tell, and he knew it was because of his own feelings. Tony felt intensely for people before. Pepper, Rhodey, that one reporter all those years ago. However, with you, it wasn’t just that fluttery feeling in his gut or the immediate smile he can’t seem to stop when he sees you. It was the comfort he felt when he heard your voice or the softness he could feel in his heart when he saw a picture of you. 

It was like his entire life was full of panic, never resting, never stopping. But when you entered his life with a gentle smile and a quick wit, it felt like he could finally breathe. 

It was addicting. 

“Sir, I have the calculations.”

“Hit me.”

“Speech diagnostics of you and of Ms. (Y/l/n) are similar. Whenever you speak of her, 79.4% is positive and 18.8% is neutral. Ms. (Y/l/n) has  78.9% positive and 17.2% neutral dialogue regarding you. When she speaks of you, her heartrate increases by 4.6%, and similarly, yours increases by 4.1%. When speaking to each other, heartrate initially increases by 7%.”

Tony nodded. “How does this compare to other Avengers? I gush about Banner like a teenager.”

“Well, sir, while you and Ms. (Y/l/n) have high positive dialogue about other Avengers, all of them have at least a 10% decrease compared to each other. And heartrate varies depending on the topic of conversation.”

Tony snapped his fingers. “Am I excluding all non-super friends? Include any agents, co-workers. Pep isn’t an Avenger after all.”

Friday took two seconds and responded. “You and Ms. (Y/l/n) have a significant difference in speech diagnostics when talking about or to each other compared to any other Avenger, co-worker, and friend.”

When Tony remained quiet, Friday added, “Do you want me to repeat the results?”

“You don’t need to, Friday.”

“But you’re not doing anything with the new information. Would you like me to save these findings?”

“Friday,” Tony warned. 

There was silence as the love-wrecked scientist pressed his fist between his brows. Data and cold hard facts said yes, but was it right?

“Sir?”

“Yes, Fri?”

“Would you like me to play examples for you?”

He blinked. “Examples?”

“Yes. Of you and her talking about each other positively.”

It was an invasion of privacy. Tony shouldn’t. 

“Play examples.”

Before his rational mind could tell Friday no. 

“Are you in love with him?”

Tony’s eyes widened. This was too private. It might not even be about him.”Friday-”

“Of course I am.”

“-stop playback.”

“He’s Tony Sta-”

“Playback stopped.”

Tony scrambled. “What? No, wait, go back. Play it.” Screw rational. You knew he was a narcissist. You wouldn’t expect him to hear that and stop. 

“He’s Tony Stark. Who isn’t in love with him?”

“Then, why don’t you tell him?”

“... He’s Tony Stark.”

Tony started to fiddle with something on his desk. “What does that mean?”

Friday answered, “Dr. Banner asked her if she loved you, and she said yes. This means that she’s in love with you.”

Why did he program Friday like this? “I know that. I mean, those two lines. Why does me being Tony Stark stop her from saying something?” Was it the attention? Did you want some sort of normal life away from cameras and international gossip? Maybe it was the Avenging. Having a partner who was always out risking death wasn’t ideal. 

Sure, you could be in love with him. But you couldn’t be with him. 

“Maybe you should ask her.”

There were celebrities who were able to live normal lives. Some paid to have prosthetics for going outside of moved to a remote country to get out of the spotlight. He thrived off attention, but he could give that up. Avenging, he couldn’t give that up, but maybe he could cut back. Take a mission a month instead of one a week. Or maybe take more digital missions. He wasn’t just Iron Man after all. He was a genius, could hack into the Pentagon if he really wanted to. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe I could talk to her.”

~ - ~

The moment you put your bag down on your lab table, Tony said, “You’re gonna be mad.”

You narrowed your brows. “What did you do?” You pressed your palm to your chest. “Oh my god, Peter overwrote my data, didn’t he? Ugh, I know he said he’s great at managing holograms, but really, Tone, you should’ve given him a tutorial before giving him access.” You brought up your holograms to check your data and analysis. 

“That’s not it.” Tony stood next to you as you looked through your files. “I did something that invaded your privacy.”

You tilted your head. Closing the holograms, you took a deep breath and slowly asked, “How?”

Tony flashed an embarrassed grin before sighing. “You’re gonna be shocked, too, so prepare yourself.”

You did not know where this was going at all. What horrible thing could Tony have done? Steeling yourself, you took a deep breath and nodded at him to continue. 

Tony cleared his throat. “Usually, I can tell when someone has feelings for me. People are obvious about it, but you? You aren’t. So, I had Friday do some analysis on our speech patterns. Me, being in love with you, was one of my controls. You and your dialogue regarding me was the main variable. 

“Long story short, I accessed some audio of you and Bruce talking, and you said that you loved me but could never tell me.” He glanced at you. “So that’s why I need to apologize.” 

Your expression didn’t change. No, that wasn’t it. You, at first, looked confused. Now, there was just nothing. No expression. No wrinkled brow in anger of flushed cheeks in embarrassment. Nothing. 

Tony blinked. “You can shout at me now. If you were confused about when to shout at me.”

You licked your lips before taking a deep breath. “Ok, that was a lot.” You pursed your lips then opened it. But, you couldn’t really think of anything to say. You didn’t even know how to feel. “So you know that I” -you pointed at yourself and then at him- “and that I didn’t wanna tell you.” You shook your head. “Wait, do you know why I didn’t want to tell you?”

A broken scoff left Tony’s lips. “Yeah. I’m a mess.”

It was your turn to scoff. “Wait, you’re a mess? That’s why you think I don’t want to tell you?”

“Among other reasons?”

Other reasons? 

You crossed your arms. “Ok, what other reasons?”

Tony looked offended. Still, he listed, “I’m surrounded by cameras, and everyone wants some privacy. Can’t get it if you’re with me. Then, there’s the Iron Man of it all. I went into a wormhole with a nuke. That was also all over the news. Then, there’s the whole daddy issues thing. I’m working on it, but it takes a while-”

He rambled on and on, listing reason after reason, and with each one, you felt tears well up in your eyes. It was a weird mix of heartbreaking, confusing, and enraging. The emotions built up slowly with each word that left his mouth, overwhelming you to the point that you couldn’t even say how it happened. 

But, as Tony paced and talked so horribly about himself, you somehow ended up in front of him with your hands on his cheeks. 

You only realized it when Tony stopped talking and when his breath touched your lips. “What?” he asked. 

You didn’t answer. You kissed him instead. 

It was a hard press of  your lips against his. It was short, and it wasn’t much. 

But by the way Tony gripped the back of your neck and pulled you back for another kiss, you’d think it was his first kiss. You knew it wasn’t. Not just because you knew he had kissed all sorts of people before you, but because he somehow knew how to make you gasp and melt into him. 

While one hand kept you steady, the other trailed down your back and pulled you closer to him. His lips moved fluidly against yours, pushing and pulling, and everytime he moved back, you chased his lips to continue the kiss, because the softness, the passion, the fact it was finally happening, was all too good. You didn’t want it to stop.

Your hands started to move. For someone so rich, his t-shirt was rough when you twisted it between your fingers and pulled it to you. Slowly, you trailed your fingers along the side of his neck. You rubbed your thumb along his pulse point, a reminder that this was indeed real. You were kissing Tony Stark, and- He was pulling away again.

Desperate, you leaned forward, reached around to hold onto his shoulder, and kissed the side of his neck. 

He let out a breathy laugh, and before you could suck on his skin, his stubble scratched your cheek. 

You looked up at him and giggled when his nose bumped into yours. When your giggles turned into a smile, he kissed you again, a soft and short kiss, before leaning his forehead against yours. 

His thumbs rubbed circles into your waist as you lightly scratched the back of his neck. He didn’t say anything. In fact, he seemed busy gazing at you.

“Speechless, Stark?” you teased. 

He laughed. For a few seconds, he just gazed at you, seeming to prove your point. Tony’s hand began to wander, from stroking your cheek to pushing back your hair. “More confused.”

Remembering why you interrupted him, you brought your hands to his cheeks again and held him there so he couldn’t look away from you. “You are amazing, Tony. That’s the reason I didn’t want to tell you.” You shrugged. “You’re too good for me.”

His fidgeting stopped. “Well, that’s not true.”

“Tony, you’re an Avenger.”

“Technically, you are also an Avenger.”

“You’re a genius.”

“Who can’t cook scrambled eggs.”

“You literally saved the universe.”

“After producing weapons of mass destruction for decades.”

You glared at him. 

He glared back. Then, he fought back. “I don’t plan on retiring.”

“Wouldn’t want you to.”

“I have severe PTSD, anxiety, maybe ADHD, all mixed with trauma galore.”

“And I will learn to help you.”

“I couldn’t give you a normal life.”

“I’d rather have you anyway.”

He opened his mouth, but you instead told him, “I’d rather have you than anything. As long as, well, for as long as  you’ll have me.”

He raised his eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

“Positive.”

Tony shook his head with a smile. “Cause, I’d rather have you for, well, how does til you get tired of me sound?”

You laughed. “Won’t happen. But, sure.” You kissed him again.You would’ve kept going, but there was something to settle first.  “By the way, Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“Is Friday recording right now?”

“Friday records everything. It’s in the contract.”

Friday added, “I record everything that happens in the tower.”

“Ok.” You could work with that. “I’ll forgive you for the invasion of privacy.”

Tony beamed, and you couldn’t help your own smile when he did. Still, you continued, “On one condition.” Your own smile turned devious. “I want evidence that Star Spangled Banner took my ice cream.”

Tony burst out laughing. He kissed you again, a deep kiss, and when he was done, he mumbled, “God, I love you,” against your lips.

#tony stark x reader #tony stark imagine #tony stark oneshot #tony stark #mcu x reader #mcu imagine #mcu oneshot #tony stark fluff #im so sorry im not on here oftennnnnnnnnnnn #dentla schools too busy and i dont wike it #thats not true i do like it its just busy and stressful and doesnt give me time to write #and smut takes me longer to write than fluff #so i can only write fluff rnnnnnn #anyway i miss you all #love you all #hope the universe treats you welllll

[siren-queen-imagines]

Misunderstandings

This was requested by the lovely @fallinforhappiness​! I hope you enjoy! Considering I had already done similar prompts for Damien, I chose to do them with Shayne this time!

Prompts Used: 9.  “He loves you, you know? He’s just afraid of admitting it.”   15. “I think I’m in love with you and that scares me half to death.”

Masterlist

(gif by me)

=================================

Shayne watched you from across the room at the Smosh office, smiling to himself as you were laughing with Courtney. Your smile was so beautiful and so infectious to him. If only he could find it in him to actually tell you that.

Your friendship meant the world to him. Shayne realized that he had feelings for you about a couple months after you guys met. The more he got to know you, the more his feelings grew for you. He knew he needed to tell you how he felt soon because he just needed to know if you might feel the same way.

“Yo, Shayne.” Damien called to Shayne, breaking him from his daydream. “Jesus, I’ve been trying to get your attention for 20 minutes.” He exaggerated with a knowing smile.

“Sorry, I was trying to think of how to finish this.” Shayne motioned to the computer in front of him.

“Come on, man, we both know that’s a lie. You were watching Y/N.” Shayne looked over to you to see if you heard Damien. “Don’t worry, she didn’t hear me. When are you gonna tell her?”

Shayne sighed and scrolled through the script page open on his computer.

“I don’t know.”

“Look, as a fellow anxiety sufferer, I get it. It’s feels scary.”

“It’s different with Y/N, and I don’t know why. Normally I could find it in me to at least ask for a date but I just--”

“It’s normal to really like someone and fear rejection. It a basic human fear. But you know you’re gonna have to tell her if you want to see where things go. She won’t be single forever.”

“I know.”

Damien stood up, patting his friend on the shoulder before he left the office to get some coffee from the kitchen. 

“Hey Damien.” You greeted with a smile on your face as you went into the fridge.

“How’s it going?” Damien smiled back at you.

“Not too bad. I can’t complain. How are you?”

“Pretty good. Just trying to get that next sketch finished with Shayne.”

“Speaking of Shayne...is he okay? He’s just seemed a little spacey and frustrated earlier.”

“Oh yeah, he’s fine. He’s dealing with some stuff right now.”

Damien took a moment to really think if he should say what he wanted to say next. Maybe if he told you about Shayne you would take the pressure off his best friend and if you felt the same, you could ask Shayne out instead. Or he could make it look like this was all his doing because in reality, he was right now.

“So, hey, I was thinking about setting Shayne up with someone.” Damien continued casually, making his coffee the way he liked it. “Would you hate me for saying that I think you would be good for him?”

“Really?” You replied in surprise. “That’s big coming from his best friend.”

“Yeah, of course you. I think you would be good for him.”

“I don’t know...I don’t think he would see me as more than a friend.”

“Trust me, you don’t have to worry about that.” 

Damien paused when he realized what he blurted out. Crap. He already kinda sorta spilled the beans. Well...that didn’t take long at all. Sorry Shayne...so so sorry.

“What do you mean?” You asked.

Wait, wait...was that hope Damien heard in your voice? Oh god, please. Please let it be. Despite possibly blowing this for Shayne, he really did mean it when he said that he thought you would be good for him. He still ended up sighing because he felt bad that he let the secret halfway out of the box...and was about to let it all out.

“Okay, look…” Damien put his coffee down on the counter. “He’s probably gonna kill me but he loves you, you know? He’s just afraid of admitting it.”

Your eyes widened in surprise. Love? Wow, how long has he been holding out on you?

“He loves me?” 

Oh goddammit, Damien. Did you have to use the ‘L’ word? That’s it, no more coffee for him because apparently he didn’t start messing up until he drank any.

“How long has he had these feelings for me?” You asked.

Honestly, wow. You did not see that coming. You felt butterflies in your stomach and hope filled your heart. You had the biggest crush on Shayne and sometimes you swore it was obvious but maybe you hid it well enough to go undetected.

“Long enough.” Damien relented, deciding there was no point in hiding it. “I know he thought you were cute when you guys met but the longer you guys got to know each other…”

You nodded, understanding where he was going. You lightly smiled when you thought of the timeline because it matched up to yours.

“Can you let me talk to him? Like, don’t mention this conversation to him?” You smiled at Damien softly.

“Definitely.”

OH thank god. He didn’t mess this up. 

“Thank you, Damien. Seriously.”

=================================

You waited to talk to Shayne. You didn’t want it to be obvious you had talked to Damien about it so time was important. You didn’t want to unintentionally rat out Damien.

Currently, you and Shayne were the only ones at the office at the moment. Damien and Courtney were both filming and you two weren’t expected on set for at least another hour.

“No, I think we can add that here.” Shayne told you, pointing to the paragraph on the page and moving his finger up halfway.

“Yeah, the joke would land better there.” You agreed, cutting the paragraph and pasting it back.

You looked over to Shayne. Maybe now would be a good time to talk to him about what Damien told you last week. You both had managed to finish sooner than expected so you had some free time.

“Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something.” You added before looking back to the computer, hitting the save button.

“Sure, what’s up?” Shayne asked, curiosity in his tone.

“I, uh--” Oh no...the nerves were kicking in. Why? Damien said Shayne had feelings for you so what are you nervous? “This may sound like it’s coming out of left field but I like you, like, really like you.”

Shayne’s heart started beating what felt like a million miles a second...you...you had feelings for him too?

“And I feel like I needed to say something because I didn’t want to possibly regret not telling you.”

“Y/N…” Shayne started, his nerves getting the best of him. Wait, what the hell? You basically did the hard work but he still had a rough time with it? “I--I don’t feel the same way--” WAIT WHAT? SHAYNE WHAT WERE YOU DOING?”

You heart sank...was Damien wrong? I mean, why would he lie about something like this? Did even Damien misread things? You took a shaky breath in and nodded.

“It’s okay. I understand.” You began to grab your things...you just needed to get out of there.

“Y/N, wait…” Shayne tried to stop you.

“I’ll see you on set, yeah?” You smiled at him sadly.

“Y/N--”

You were already out the door before he could correct himself.

=================================

“Are you serious?” Damien asked Shayne.

“I don’t know what happened, I panicked and that’s what came out.” Shayne said.

“Oh Shayne--”

“I know, I know.”

“You need to make this right.”

“How? I don’t think she wants to talk to me right now. I just hurt her feelings.”

“You can fix it by straightening up the misunderstanding. You do it or I will.”

“Look, I’ll give it until tomorrow.”

“Why wouldn’t you wanna try now?”

“Because like I said. She wouldn’t want to talk to me right now. She needs some space.”

Damien shook his head and before he could just ignore what Shayne said, they were called to set...unfortunately there wasn’t a chance for them to talk after that.

=================================

Turns out you had a date the next night with a friend of Courtney’s and Shayne didn’t take to that very well. You decided to work from home that day so he couldn’t fix it or he can at least tell you why you couldn’t go out on that date.

Thing was, you decided not to go out on that date. You decided it would be best to stay home and sort out your feelings instead of acting on a bad impulse. It wouldn’t be fair to Courtney’s friend if you chose to go out with him because you were hurting after what happened with Shayne.

You were watching Schitt’s Creek on Netflix when your phone rang. You paused it and grabbed your phone seeing Shayne’s name on the Caller ID. Should you answer? Yeah. Of course. It could be important because normally he’d just text you.

“Hello?” You answered.

“Y/N…” Shayne voice sang on the other line, followed by a laugh. “Oh Y/N...yer so beauful.” He slurred.

“Are you drinking, Shayne?”

“No, no. I finished. Im callin cause Damimen--Damin--Damien? Yeah Damien said to. He hope you can give us a ride home.”

“Why can’t he?” 

“He doesn drink much...but he did wif me so he cant drive.”

“Where are you?”

=================================

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Damien said from the passenger’s seat. He wasn’t as drunk as Shayne but he had enough to keep him from driving.

“It’s okay, Damien. Better this than you guys driving home.” You replied with a small shrug. “So thanks for being responsible and not getting yourselves hurt or killed.”

“Y/N…” Shayne called from the back seat. “I messt up.”

“It’s fine, Shayne.” You couldn’t help but smile. Drunk Shayne was new to you and it was funny.

“Nooo...no s’not. I really like you.” He cleared his throat before continuing. “I think I’m in love with you and that scares me half to death.”

Damien smiled in shock as he looked towards Shayne. Finally. Also, he managed to get that out with a slur. Impressive. He then looked over to you to your shocked face as well.

“Wh--why didn’t you just say that yesterday after I told you how I felt?” You asked as you turned to face him at the red light. 

“I panicked. I been waitin to hear that then I said what I said. M’sorry.”

These past 24 hours have been a rollercoaster on your emotions. But in a sense, it was worth it because Shayne fucking felt the same way. It was happening. You quickly wiped at the tears brimming your eyes as you turned to face the stop light, a small smile on your face. 

==================================

“Hey.” Shayne greeted you when you answered your front door, nervous smile on his face.

“Hey. Come in.” You said, moving aside so he could come in.

“Thanks for last night. I’m so sorry about you dealing with drunk me.”

“Drunk you was hilarious. But how are you feeling?”

“Well, I woke up feeling like I was hit by a bus but I’m slowly getting better.”

“Good.”

“So about last night. I meant what I said. And I’m sorry I made you believe that I didn’t like you back.”

“It’s okay. Really, Shayne. I got into my own head and didn’t let you finish.”

“It’s not your fault.” Shayne took a step closer to you and took your hands in his. “I’m just glad to know you feel the same way about me. With that being said, can I take you out tonight?”

“Of course you can.”

You couldn’t help but close the gap between the two of you and lean in. Shayne met you halfway, his lips meeting yours in a gentle kiss.

#smosh imagine #shayne topp x reader #shayne topp imagine #shayne topp

[jimlingss]

pt.2 of yesterday

I don’t want to flood people’s dashes, so hopefully answering your messages here will suffice!

anonymous asked: Hi! I wanted to tell you how much I love your work and how you make me enjoy every Monday thanks to your regular updates ! I saw a previous anon telling you how your writings lacks of emotion and I totally disagree with them... obviously everybody won’t like it but your stories just DON’T lack of love or emotion this is madness I want to thank you for publishing your amazing stories freely here for everyone to read. (Sorry if my English is weird I’m french ejfjekfjd)

“this is madness” LOL

You’re hilarious, anon. And your english is perfectly fine!!!

anonymous asked: Hello! Im the culinary student anon who sent you an ask a while ago and i saw you received an ask about the lack of emotion from your stories. I read kitchen romance and i actually really really like it and don’t quite understand how it lacks in emotions as I interpreted the stories more like the beginning of the oc and jin’s love story and they are only starting to open up to each other so i guess thats why anon might feel like it lacks romantic vibe from both of the characters. (1)

Anonymous said: Just want to tell you that you’re one of the best writer and ive been following you for 2/3 years now, you never failed to amaze me with your writings!! All your stories are so well written that i sometimes wonder how do you come up with such an amazing plot every single time and your stories are always nice to re-read and the effort you pour into creating your stories is also admirable (2)

while i was reading kitchen romance and ive only started s&c (currently on chapter 4) i can say that its pretty similar with how it is irl (and the part where we find out jk is an iu fans reminded me of my ex-crush whose also a culinary student, i would like to tell you a story about it but ill just waste your time lol) , just want to send you a few encouragement and love for you and your writings *sending virtual hugs* (3) -👩🏻‍🍳anon

You’re too kind, thank you (and also, welcome back!). I’ll be frank, there was a hot second I was considering taking down Kitchen Romance but I didn’t cause I don’t want my efforts of editing it to go to waste asdfghjkl. I can’t believe you’ve been sticking around me for so long :’) it’s always nice to know some folks stay. Anyway, I’m glad that Sugar and Coffee is pretty similar to how it works irl since I tried my best to do research. I definitely love a good storytime as well so don’t worry about wasting my time :>

Anonymous said: a good majority of your fics display an unfathomable amount of DEPTH. regarding character development. plot. even the shortest lines of dialogue reveal so much more to the character and unveil their true emotions. i personally think the more REALISTIC side of love may be perceived as 'bland.' ‘emotionless.’ whatever you want to call it. nothing’s wrong with portraying a relationship that isn’t overboard with a whole lot of tooth aching fluff or lowkey annoying pda. +1

Anonymous said: there’s nothing wrong with taking out a bit of emotion to fit the PERSONALITIES of the characters. some people out there don’t necessarily feel a lot of emotions. so it’s honestly not really a mistake if a story lacks it (unless it was unintentional). subtlety is an art that is hard to master, but you’ve done it! and to respond to the anon, sometimes, if you skim through a fic without reading every word the author intended for you to read, +2

Anonymous said: then it’s quite common to not feel the full extent of the emotions you were supposed to feel. just a thought but no hate. we’re all entitled to our opinions. but besides that, kina, you write on a vast scale ranging from hardcore angst to diabetes-inducing fluff. and you do it beautifully. sure there are some stories that are better than others, but i believe a LOT of it comes down to personal preference and taste. +3

Anonymous said: even if you are feeling creatively limited, you work hard to continue writing for your readers, and your determination and diligence wILL NOT GO UNNOTICED. i just want you to know that you write amazingly. your syntax is practically immaculate, your characters feel real… the endings of your stories always wrap something up and the strings are tied—even if it isn’t necessarily a happy ending. you can convey hundreds of different characters through WORDS. +4

Anonymous said: i’ll have you know that it’s hard to write. it’s even harder to write about people who aren’t YOU. so as someone who looks up to you a lot, i want to commend you for your writing. some of your fics that i read on a monthly basis: tears of a villain, a piece of the moonlight, head over heels to hell, ghost in the machine, a mark of betrayal, a kiss of poison, until yesterday, the truth between us and arcadia. +5

Anonymous said: to be fair, there were way more fics but i didn’t want to make this message any longer than it already is LOL. i find these pieces wonderful. heart wrenching. and SO DAMN EMOTIONAL IT PLAGUES MY MIND FOR DAYS. also you’re literally one of the few fucking people who can use the em dash correctly. thank you so much for sharing your talent with us! +6

Oh my goodness. I don’t even know what to say, anon. This is a whole damn thesis and it’s about my fics :’> You know, it’s easy to brush off fanfiction as a ‘whatever’ thing and indeed, it isn’t that big of a deal compared to some things in the world. But I really do take all my stories seriously and put forth a lot of effort - so to see it recognized and appreciated it makes me beyond happy. It’s good to know that my efforts haven’t gone to waste at all and that there are people out there who will support me no matter the endeavours I take. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me.

((Also, honestly I picked up the em dash usage after I wrote The Truth Between Us with gukyi who used it. I’m pretty sure I’m not using it right but to hear that I am, god damn that’s a breath of relief right there))

backtobleuside submitted: Are you kidding me!? Your stories don’t lack love at all. They’re the kind of fics that you read, soak it all in and then come back for more. I’ve cried so much when I read Beyond reach, Boo-lieve in me, A piece of the moonlight, His name, Tell me lies etc. etc, and also laughed and felt the emotions of not just the OC, but also the other characters. Kitchen Romance was also so fluffy and sweet and personally, I don’t think that anything needs to be added to it. Anyway, your fics do not lack emotion—you’re probably the first author I send a message to because your stories impacted me a lot and left a strong impression on me. I even imagine your characters as real people who have real lives that continue on even after the story is done.

asdfghjkl thank you :’) I see you every week and sometimes several times at that. I really appreciate your consistent feedback and following. You never fail to send me a message too which I appreciate a lot. I’m glad you’re enjoying everything I’m producing!!

youngfleurever said: Would just like to say that your fics do in fact make me violently sob to the boy where my eyes are so swollen I have trouble opening them the next day and I wake up feeling like there’s sawdust in my mouth because I’m dehydrated.

oh my god. please keep yourself hydrated hahahahhaha more importantly, how do you know what sawdust in your mouth is like. WHAT have you been doing LOL

Anonymous said: I’ve felt emotions that I’ve never felt before when I read your fics.... so as a person that has read your entire masterlist, I DO NOT think that your fics lack emotion.... I hope you don’t feel disheartened because you’re one of my favourite writers, not just on tumblr but like, evER 💓💓💓💓💓💓

Please, even if I was disheartened, the overwhelming amount of feedback and praise has completely overridden it :’)

joonie-mono said: when tumblr deletes the first part of your ask 🙄😌✌️

LOOOOOOOL

haylo4ever said: Sorry had to add my 10 cents. You're such a talented writer,,, I WISH I could write a smol smol 1/1000000000 that you write,,, like I remember when I followed you bc I was in awe of your writing.... I mean?? Sure maybe not every fic hits it with someone but it's just ridic to name drop (a friend nonetheless) when you're all extremely talented writers.

Trust me, writing comes with practice!! I should honestly just tattoo that on me. God knows my first fanfic was absolutely GARBAGE. I didn’t know pacing, didn’t know that I should separate chunks of paragraphs, how to write dialogue or describe scenes properly. I went in blind. Even my second, third and fourth fanfic was garbage. You could definitely get to “my level” or even far surpass it with enough dedication and practice. I mean I’ve been writing for four years, so thank GOD there’s been improvement. I wouldn’t be natural if there wasn’t. But clearly the more you practice, the better you improve! That applies to anything.

The me in ten years will certainly be better now.

Anonymous said: Hi kina! I’m here in support of kitchen romance! I actually didn’t feel like it was missing a ton of fluffy moments (and I say that as a huGE LOVER OF FLUFF) but the story was just as entertaining in the whole chase of them getting closer to each other! It’s honestly one of my favorite one shots I’ve read lately and I’m not saying that lightly! Also, that anon that said your work lacks emotion has probably not read like half of your masterlist bc oO MAN QUEEN OF MAKING ME CRY- black heart anon🖤

Thank you :’]

Anonymous said: Ok I’m very offended wow the audacity!Specially coming for my baby kitchen romance like that story made me feel so much and it’s only one of the many fics you have written kina like I’m literally baffled like dynasty has made me cry scream happy and hot all at the same time and I was literally just thinking about it that whole weekend and this anon has the nerve to say your stories lack emotions?When you are literally the queen of show casing all types of emotions in your stories!You did it all

Anonymous said: Also 😭😭😭😂😂😩hoooooooow and whereeee did they see any lack of love and emotions like have you read jungle park???? Inside my mind??? FREAKING SUGAR AND COFFEE (like this fic is made with love and I- ) Actually you know what , just read the whole masterlist😩😩💗💗💗

LOL tbh I didn’t expect Dynasty to receive the love it has. I was actually kind of wary when posting it cause it’s kind of Wild. 

bangtans-peaceful-piegon said: just gotta say u handled that whole anon thing so well which not only makes me admire u as a writer but even more as a person :] (i mean i knew u were gr8 before the whole deal but yeah love ya 💛)

tbh, I’m not sure how well I handled it cause I was flooded with over 30 messages afterwards (evidently) ;_; which I love and appreciate but I’m not really as hurt as some people think hahaha criticism should be received well but it’s still hard not to take personally tbh. It’s gonna have to be something I work on or perhaps it’ll be one of those things that I’ll take better with age.

#anonymous #👩🏻‍🍳anon #backtobleuside #youngfleurever #joonie-mono #haylo4ever #black heart anon🖤

[undinefin]

Love Post (fuck you guys)

ok! SO! since some people decided to show me up and do extra long paragraphs and make me a friggin playlist, obviously I had to do something too!!!  this is going to be a long post, so there is heavy scrolling involved. I'm sorry.

also, i'd like to apologize to the people that i wasn't able to write stories for, be it I haven't known you enough, or im just a horrible friend (im sorry ood i will write u all the sanic fanfic) im really really sorry!!! 

tbh you dont even have to read the stories if you dont want to??

PLEASE READ THIS: this is the authors note where i essentially justify the mess (or messes if you decide to read all of them) that you are about to lay ya eyes on. i wrote most of these in a non-lucid state, fuelled only by anger and lack of sleep. they aren't the most amazing things. akire, you have another note before yours bc reasons. also im on the computer there will be no emojis sorry im lazy

the story order goes!: Boo CP Fath Nom Kiki Akire ^^ roughly based on story length. 

first however, i'm gonna get other mutuals their love posts!!!

@fooderaser​ : Ch!! The gc misses you so much aahhh i haven't talked to you in so long :(((( i'm sorry i didn't write you a story, and honestly the whole "haven't talked to you enough" is a poor excuse but really, if and when you're available i'll write you all the stories!!! you are so kind, and whenever we are blessed by your presence in the gc it's so nice! you bring this energy in that's so refreshing, and i've seen that post!! You're so beautiful!! I hope to be able to talk to you more! <3 

@sambashua​: Mir, I haven't known you for a long time, but you seem really nice!! I'm glad i have another friend to yell about Haikyuu!! with. SEEAASON FOUR BETTER COME OUT AND WHEN IT DOES WE SHALL Y E L L. im also glad to be a fellow cheermander, and will continue to work on the fy-charmander blog! hope we can talk more!!

@coralinfluencershark​: AUD MY DOD WHO HAS A GREAT BOD (i just thought of that today are you proud) i love you sosososoossoososos much words cant even describe it. again, i'm sorry i didnt write you the sanic x peach x dobby fanfic that i know you are dying to read. YOU ARE SO SWEET AND NICE AND CARE ABOUT ISSUES AND ITS GREAT and you are a lil strange (please, if you have to, BUY a verbal filter) but you are very loved. i love spending time with you, and you never fail to make me laugh. you'RE SO COOL ADN YOU CAN SKATE and are so much smarter than you think you are. im excited for bnha season 3, so on that note, i leave you with this (i sent it to u but idk if u watched it)

@juliaplatinumerr: JU CHAAAAN !!! i love you a lot a lot we have known each other for so long and thANK YOU for still keeping in contact with me it's honestly so magical. IM SORRY I DIDNT WRITE YOU ANYTHING I HAVE NO GOOD EXCUSE i can only offer my presence (aka we should hang out sometime??) and i might go back to japan so if u want anything hmu!! really you're so nice, and reliable, and i love that i can still talk to you and help you!! really really, I love you a lot!!

alrighty now we can move onto the stories!!! i'm so sorry this is a mess. love you all. btw the love paragraphs are arguably gonna be shorter...maybe.

Truthfully, I had no idea where I was going with any of these, and the writing is mediocre at best (because I know I can do better but…haahhhh) so yeah. If anything think of them as like….random little scenarios that I wrote up in which I am not-so-discreetly complimenting y’all in about 1000-2000 words. I don’t think there’s any romance??? Like if there is its like pure n shit but im still not the most comfortable with writing self insert also age! Anyways, apologies in advance. I wasn’t lucid during the making of any of these.

paragraphs look so fugly in tumblr oml.

@caramelmacch1ato​: BOOOOOOO!!! I actually love you sosos much i cant even start to describe it. You're so sweet and so smart wtf please teach me. i love reading your goodnight posts that i think you've sent nearly every night??? thats impressive damn. YOU ARE IMPRESSIVE I AM IMPRESSED BY YOU. i hope you enjoy the story i have no idea whats happening. love youuu <333

Remember

Boo had been to tons of concerts before, she’d been lucky enough to even get Meet n’ Greet tickets for Day6, where she met her bias Jae. He was funny, and strange, but also beautiful and amazing. There were still so many groups she wanted to see live, like Seventeen and Astro, but when Day6 was hosting their second live in America, she was definitely going.

Getting tickets was always a hassle, and even if Day6 didn’t have 4 billion followers (though they deserved it) you had to be clicking ‘check out’ the second the tickets were released to get Fansign tickers. Though, Boo always managed to pull through.

Fast forward about three weeks and Boo was once again lining up with a large poster board outside of the Day6 concert venue. It was a little chilly, as they were performing in February, but it was a birthday gift for Boo, so the cold didn’t bother her too much.

The anticipation killed her, “I Wait,” yeah, she sure as hell did. It took another fifteen minutes for the venue to dim, and the five members of Day6 ran onstage. Screams filled the theatre, and they didn’t stop for the next two hours. Boo’s Korean had improved since the last concert, and during the times where they would MC, she was able to pick up some words. 

Her poster was a light-up one, with nine pictures of the Day6 members, and a neon title spelling out “According to this mood board, how are you feeling today?” During one of their songs, she could have sworn Jae pointed at it and laughed. 

Jae had easily captured her heart, and he played a large part as to why Day6 was her bias group. He was funny, attractive, and had a beautiful voice. The fact that he spoke English was also helpful, in that she could sometimes understand him (“sometimes” because let’s face it, half of what he said was meme garbage).

The boys were doing a game section, in which they had to name their songs by the intro music as fast as they could. Whoever got the most right would draw from a lottery, and the lucky person would come up on stage to receive a prize. YoungK was winning, with Jae at a close second. Dowoon was surprisingly third, and Wonpil and Sungjin were tied for last place.

Familiar music filled the room, and the fans were shouting out the answers arguably faster than any of the boys. Jae hit his buzzer. “그렇더라고요!” he shouted eagerly. With this he was tied with Younghyun. “Or, When You Love Someone,” he followed up, remembering that the audience was English.

“I LOVE YOU JAE,” Boo screamed, her voice was hoarse from the fanchants, and general shouting, but she wasn’t fazed. Some other fans in the audience added on, and Jae bore a proud look. YoungK rolled his eyes but laughed, and Dowoon mumbled something about how he should’ve guessed that, since those were his drums.

Boo, able to pick up his worry due to her knowledge and proximity to the stage followed up with a, “YOU’RE PERFECT DOWOON.” Dowoon perked up, and others also shouted words of encouragement to him, as well as the other members.

The concert slipped away all too soon, and many were upset that their time with Day6 was over. The Hi-touch ticket holders went to give the members a quick high-five before leaving, practically worshipping their hands.

Boo got in line for the Jae Meet n’ Greet, which was very long. She was one of the last people to join, and the other lines were beginning to fill up as well. Boo watched the other people meet the members, some cried, others laughed, and a few even gave them gifts! The MyDays were very respectful though, and Boo was proud to be a part of them.

The minutes ticked by, and her poster felt heavier by the second. Boo checked her makeup to ensure she didn’t look like a total wreck. Jumping up and down, and singing along to songs was a lot more work than it seemed. Her makeup looked clean though, and there was one zit that she couldn’t cover up, but she could hide it with her hair.

“Hi there!” Jae smiled. Boo smiled back shyly, as always, he was even more beautiful in person! His smile was radiant, and despite how tired he was from performing, his face still looked energetic, like a puppy. “I’m number eight by the way,” he mentioned.

“Number eight?” Boo repeated, confused. 

Jae pointed to her poster, “Yeah on your mood board! Feeling totally pumped today, I also look especially fabulous in that photo! But number two, Sungjin eating…. that’s a close one.”

Boo laughed, “I think I’m also eight. Seeing you guys really gets me excited, I love your music a lot.”

Jae grinned, “That’s good, but I’m the main reason, right? My looks are so attractive that it compelled you to buy a ticket! 

“Of course,” Boo agreed jokingly.

“That laugh…you’re the ‘Okie Dokie Artichokie’ girl, aren’t you? I say it all the time to piss off Brian, he says I say it stupidly.”

Jae remembered her laugh, Jae remembered her.

“That’s because you do!” YoungK hissed. The girl that was meeting with him laughed as well.

Jae pulled his face into a strange expression, with his eyes looking upwards and a frown upon his lips. “OkIE doKiE, ArticHOkie,” he jested. His voice sounded like Goofy from Mickey Mouse, and Jae couldn’t stop himself from laughing at the end. He added finger guns that pointed at Boo.

“I’m proud,” Boo wiped an invisible tear from her eye.

“You should be, how have I never known this before?” Jae agreed seriously.

“Such ignorance for a wonderful phrase, I’m glad I was at least able to teach it to you, even though it was late.”

“As your follower in the religion of mood boards, and random phrases, I appreciate the important lesson.” The two of them continued back and forth, as their scenario grew more and more outrageous. It was when aliens were brought into the conversation that the two broke out into laughter.

 “That was fun, you’re fun,” Jae exclaimed. “You’re funny too, and nice! An ideal Myday, but most importantly, you stan me! Which makes you the most ideal Kpop fan of all!”

“Well…you are my ultimate bias,” Boo admitted.

“ULTIMATE!?” Jae guffawed. He turned to Younghyun, “Hear that? I’m her ultimate bias.” Jae bore a proud look on his face. He turned back to Boo, “Well, I’m just so handsome and talented that it’d be hard not to have me as an ultimate bias! Though everyone is starting to appreciate the other members’ individual looks, which is nice. Your looks could rival even mine!”

Boo blushed at that. As much as Jae joked(?) about how godly his face was, no one could actually deny it. He was very attractive after all, and being compared to that by the man himself, Boo was half certain she was dreaming.

“Thank you, I tried hard for you tonight,” Boo smiled.

“Ah see, that’s a killer smile right there. The makings of an idol! All you have to do now is learn some Korean and it’ll be smooth sailing from there. With all your charisma and caring-ness, the companies will be fighting over you!” Jae gleamed at her.

Jae noticed the time was ticking by, and the other girls in line were still waiting. “Alright Ms. Artichokie, is there a better name I can call you?”

“Boo.”

Jae grinned and held out his hand. “Alright Boo, I hope you come to lots of concerts, and if you DO sign under a label be sure to tell me,” he winked at her, “Till then, I’ll remember you, Boo.”

@howcaniwait: CP overlord, you are truly the glue that sticks this mess of a gc together. i love you so much its actually so overwhelming for ma lil heart. you are so sweet, and you have evolved so much!! to love kpop!!!!! you're so beautiful thoSE EYEBROWS MAN and you're so easy to talk to and get along with and wE LIKE P!ATD YAAY. really you're actually one of the smartest people i know and i know sometimes it gets overwhelming but you're so smart i know you are!! again, i hope the story does some justice??? its kinda lame but whATEVER

Five Minutes 

The chances that you’d meet someone famous were quite slim, and it seemed that if you were a fan of said celebrity, the chances would be even slimmer. Taken that CP didn’t live in a largely visited country for artists, to even perform in, her chances were slimmer.

But CP loved the artists that she did nonetheless. Maybe a year ago she was wary of them, and she even made fun of the people that liked them! But slowly, very slowly, she began to have a change of heart. Day6 was something different compared to the other ones she had heard of at the time. Their music was magic, and the people who made that music were beyond skilled. She fell in love with them fast, and the one who caught her eye was none other than Kang Younghyun.

He had remained her ultimate bias for a year of Kpop adventures, which involved spending a lot of time online staring at pretty boys singing, dancing, and talking. Despite all the amazing idols she had seen, nothing could top her love for YoungK of Day6.

“You hear that CP?” A hand waved in front of her face. Kiki and L were sitting in front of her, at a restaurant in Korea Town. “They don’t have any more Bibimbap,” Kiki recapped. After tons and tons of pestering from her friends, and saving up, as well as a generous Christmas gift, CP was able to meet her friends in the place where YoungK had studied, Toronto.

“Ah, then I’ll have the….” CP quickly looked at the menu, “Tteok-bokki.” It was the cheapest option.

The three had energetic conversations about Kpop stars, as all avid fans of the music. It ranged from trying to discern the song that was playing in the restaurant, to showing Kiki various images in hopes that her alter ego would come out.

“Stop!” Kiki whined, the last picture of Bambam was starting to push her off the edge.

L nodded, “Yeah, please stop we don’t need that in this nice restaurant.”

“I can’t help it! You guys are the ones showing me the images!” Kiki argued.

“In this Good Christian Restaurant?” CP ignored her friend. “Control yourself,” she gave Kiki a stern look, despite being the one showing her the images. Kiki mumbled something under her breath.

The food in the restaurant was good, and CP thought that the Tteok-bokki was actually pretty delicious. Half way through the meal L sighed loudly.

“The damn subways are closed, I have to take the bus home. I hate taking the bus,” she informed the others. Kiki laughed, she could walk home from their location. CP was getting picked up by her parents, so it wasn’t a big deal for her too. “I’m probably going to have to leave early.”

The plan was that they’d eat, then go to a Kpop store with a good stock of albums. After another fifteen minutes, L apologized before setting down some money for her portion of the meal and then leaving to catch the bus. 

“That sucks,” Kiki sighed. “We can still go though, that’s fine, right?” CP nodded. They finished paying and then left for the store. The remaining snow on the ground was mostly slush, and even though the sun was out, a chill still remained in the air. CP was glad she wore her boots.

The store clerks greeted them nicely, and Kiki showed her to the Day6 section of the store, before going to buy another album to add to her collection. With the remaining $25, CP decided to buy Daydream.

“Maybe I should buy a BTR album in Toronto too…” CP wondered aloud, purposely saying it so that Kiki could hear 

Kiki’s enraged expression was hardly fake, “Don’t you dare mention that name within my sanctuary of Kpop albums!”

CP laughed, “It was a joke, a joke.” Kiki grumbled, unconvinced. The two of them left the store, that they admittedly spent far too long in. Kiki managed to find a poster of an Astro member, and the searching alone took around ten minutes.

“You want me to wait with you?” Kiki asked.

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” she assured her friend. Kiki lingered for a bit, before the cold air started getting to her. She said her goodbye, and promised to meet again.

CP had around five minutes until her parents would pick her up, those five minutes would possibly be the most fantastical five minutes of her life thus far. It started with her taking out her new Day6 album, because damnit they didn’t put their music on any platforms. CP quickly cracked it open, curious to see her photo card. She wouldn’t risk opening it anymore, lest she drop it in the slush. A picture of Wonpil staring into the camera at the beach was inside. She took it out to admire the photo. Even if he wasn’t her bias, CP was a good Kpop stan who appreciated all the members.

CP looked up for the briefest moment. She noticed someone rather tall, asking various people for something. Though, through the bustle of the streets no one seemed to stop and reply to him. CP looked closer, there was something so painfully familiar about him, and maybe it was the shock, or the sunglasses, but CP couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

“Excuse me, miss?” the man had come up to her. He had a slight accent, but his words were still clear. 

“Oh! Yes?” CP responded, somewhat startled.

The man sighed, “Finally. Do you have any toonies, or tokens? The subway is closed down, and I need to take the bus. It’s been a while…I’m still not completely familiar with this section of Toronto. 

CP didn’t say anything, but rummaged through a bag she had brought. She was still racking her brain, trying to think of who it was. But…it couldn’t be him. There was no way, this would have to be some shitty story that was written to the ideals of mere humans.

She handed him a token that her mother had given her just in case. “Thank you, you’re very kind,” he smiled at her.

CP knew that smile, almost as much as she knew the music that it went with. “You…you’re YoungK, right?”

Younghyun hummed. Normally he’d deny it, not cause a fuss, because even if people didn’t know you, they’d still try to take pictures just so they could say ‘I met YoungK.’ But something felt different, maybe it was her kindness, or the Wonpil picture she held between her fingers, or just a feeling, but something was different.

“I am,” he smiled again. He saw her face light up. Contrasting to all the dreary slush, and grey air, her smile and eyes were shining brightly. Her eyes were soft, but still looking at him in awe, and her smile was beautiful, big, and loving. “Would you like a signature?” Younghyun offered.

CP opened her mouth, though nothing audible came out. Instead she nodded, and held out the new album. Her heart was beating faster than it ever had before. Thousands of thoughts, questions, and horrible conversation starters were floundering around her head, but none of them were spoken. 

“Thank you,” she finally said. “Thank you so much. You…your music, your voice, everything is so amazing! You know I wasn’t a huge fan of Kpop, but I listened to you guys, and it was like a whole new sky had opened up for me.” Her voice was filled with amazement, as if she was singing praises, she practically was. CP was thoroughly grateful.

YoungK handed back the album. “Thank you,” his voice was firm. “Thank you for supporting us. Day6 would be nothing without our fans. I would just be a guy with a nice voice. You’ve given us something amazing, more than any of us could comprehend.” His eyes focused on her. “I’m glad that our fans are kind ones like you, and I’m glad I was able to change your heart. Can I call you something?”

CP was still in shock that the Kang Younghyun was talking to her, was complimenting her! “Uh…I’m known as Charlie by my friends…” she mumbled.

“Okay, Charlie, maybe we’ll meet again. Thank you so much!” he began to back away.

CP quickly sprung to action. “Wait!” she called. “Could I…could I get a picture? Is that okay? 

YoungK laughed, “Sure. Really, you’re so considerate, even just asking for a picture.”

Five minutes. It had been five minutes, and her parents pulled up. CP was still going through the scenario in her head over and over again. She had met YoungK.

Just as Younghyun had met Charlie.

@lollipopp3725: FATTHHHH!!!!!! oh gods when you were added to the chat and i found out we couLD YELL ABOUT UTAITE AND HAIKYUU you saw me i was literally having a breakdown i was so happy. so thank you for putting up with all my rants about them! you're so sweet!! i loved the story you wrote, jesus that angst man. you're so nice, and so energetic aND YOUR PUNS ARE TOP QUALITY. good puns, you could call them...aJUN nice. i know you had like a few other people that you heavily biased but here's jun!

Hugs 

Fath was growing a little impatient.

Weeks ago, somehow, miraculously, she had been able to buy a Seventeen album from a store and her parents were not aware of exactly what she had purchased. Fath knew that Seventeen was in Singapore for a tour, but when she opened her album to find a ballot to the fansign, she almost had a heart attack.

Fath knew that having one ballot was nothing, and there was nearly no chance of her getting into the event, but she couldn’t risk buying the album again. Even so, Fath filled out the ballot, because “nearly no chance” was better than no chance at all. Despite that, she still had little faith in the ballot. People would buy ten albums, twenty, or even fifty just to get into the fansign. It was a groundless dream.

So, when Fath received the news that she was accepted into the fansign, she went into shock for a good few minutes before muffling her cries into a pillow. Fath’s heart wouldn’t calm down – she swore it was working harder than when she did physical activity – and she kicked at the air, trying to contain her excitement.

There was only one problem now. Her parents.

They weren’t fans of music to begin with, finding it distracting, especially what they classified as “teenager music.” Kpop was worse. They disregarded anything Kpop, and Fath had remained a closeted fan in the presence of her parents.

The most Fath could do was tell them she was going out with a friend, and hope they wouldn’t question her too much. If they asked why there was a strange bulk in her bag, maybe she could say it was a book and hope they weren’t suspicious. Fath thought herself an okay liar, so she could get by. The fansign shouldn’t take more than an hour after all.

Fath only got a few, “When will you be back” and “Tell us if anything changes” before getting the approval to go out. She texted a friend to tell them about the plan, just in case her parents asked about it later.

The location of the fansign was a little far out, but it would only be a half our train ride, then a short walk. There were only a few delays on the train, which in turn resulted in an extra ten minute ride, but Fath still had around fifteen minutes before the fansign started. The air was crisp, and the sky was especially clear. Fath quickened her pace.

The building was one of the smaller ones on the block, only going up to about three stories high. The e-mail said to go downstairs, and the staff members would help guide you to the fansign location.

Fath luckily only took one wrong turn, and was quickly redirected into the proper room. About a hundred other girls were there, all bustling with excitement. It was loud, and everyone seemed to be talking to everyone. Before Fath could join into any conversation of “who’s your bias,” or “which album do you like best,” a middle-aged man stood at the front to gather everyone’s attention.

“Alright everyone, please listen carefully,” the feedback from the microphone whined, sending out a sound a little too high for humans to comprehend, but low enough just to pierce their eardrums. The man apologized, and proceeded to explain how the fansign would work.

Essentially, after Seventeen answered questions from the post-it notes, everyone would line up under who they had slotted, and they’d have a short time to chat, only about a minute. The members would sign a poster, and you could give gifts. The fansign wasn’t too strict, despite the band being Seventeen.

And that brought Fath to the present, where she was getting impatient. She had the Jun fansign slot, and was currently waiting in line to meet him. She was fine with that; the waiting was fine. What was annoying her was that she had been waiting for nearly forty minutes, and Fath was finally at the front of the line, but the girl in front of her was taking a long time. They were only supposed to have a minute when the fansign part started, but Fath was certain this girl had been clinging to Jun for nearly two minutes now. She was the last person in line, and a lot of the other lines were almost done too.

There was a sudden cry. Fath turned to see a burst of water sailing through the air. A pipe had sprung loose in the building, and the girls near it, as well as Dino were getting sprayed with water.

Chaos ensued. The water was getting more intense, as other breaks in the pipes were slowly forming. Both the fans, staff members, and Seventeen hastily ran away from the scene. After a few moments of ensuring no one was hurt, the middle-aged man stood up again.

“The fansign is now closed. We’re sorry for the inconvenience, but this is both the allocated time of closing, and considering the problem, we have to close it down anyways. If you were unable to receive the posters, please pick them up at the front,” he announced.

Most of the girls didn’t mind, they had already met with one of the members. Fath however, did mind. She didn’t care about the posters (well she did but not as much as) she cared about meeting Jun. In the crowd, she couldn’t even see him. Like the other members, he was probably already being escorted away.

Fath felt like screaming, or crying. Either were fine. She thought that maybe, just maybe she’d be able to meet her bias. She’d be able to talk to them. But it was ruined because what? A broken pipe and some insensitive girl who took too long. It was unfair. Fath was the last girl in line to talk to Jun. It was frustrating if anything, but a small part of her said “What do you expect?” All that risk with her parents for nothing.

Most of the girls had already left the room, trying to avoid the growing puddle of water. Fath followed, trudging along, when someone tapped her shoulder.

Truthfully, Fath wasn’t in the mood to talk to someone. She wanted to grab her poster and go, but the voice that spoke certainly wasn’t a fan.

“You are…l…last?” 

The voice was too deep to be a girl’s, and the accent and broken English was all Fath needed to turn around to see who was talking to her.

It was Jun. He turned around to face Vernon, who mouthed him something else. “I am…sorry,” he said robotically. Fath felt like crying again, but for another reason. Jun was talking to her, Jun wanted to speak to her.

“Thank you,” she breathed.

Jun smiled at the recognizable words, “You’re welcome.” He stared a while, seeming to be thinking before opening his mouth again. “You like…something? Hand?” Jun held out his hand low enough to be a handshake, but high enough to go for a high five.

Fath noticed the other members walking out another exit. “Thank you so much! You probably have to go but…can I have a hug?”

“Hug?”

Fath felt awkward, he wasn’t too clear on what a hug was. “You…you know…arms around each other,” she lifted her arms as if pretending to go into the hug. Jun nodded and made a sound before raising his arm and hugging Fath.

It was a good hug. Jun was warm, which made Fath feel warm, and protected too. Jun lingred in the position, staying as they were for just a bit longer. Fath lightly rested her head against him, mumbling another thank you. The idol looked at her and smiled. His smile was cute, beautiful. Fath could’ve melted right then and there.

Jun pulled away, giving Fath one last smile before leaving. Maybe she didn’t officially have her fansign, but who cares because she just got to hug Jun.

@achuu-nice: nomiTH NOM NOOMMOFSNDK! i love you. you are the bestest mom i could think of anD YOU ARE SO SO SWEET!!! MUCH CARE!!! thank you for also suffering through the haikyuu angst fic, come to me and yell when you are done. no but seriously you are so nice and kind and even though i am the hype woman u give me lots of hype. so nice. I HOPE YOU ENJOY JEONGHAN. i loveeee you!!!

I’m sorry, this got out of hand

~A magical world in which nom and hannie can understand each other~

Angel

Nom was always the mother of the group. She was responsible, and always cared for her friends, regardless of whether they were actually younger than her or not. It fit, Nom the mom, Mom, and she truly loved all those dubbed as her children. But other than her name, what was it exactly that attracted people to her mom-ness? As well, would Nom ever know how it feels to be mommed? Truly, such questions were ones that could hardly ever be answered.

It was one fateful day, Nom was innocently listening to Teen, Age as she walked to buy more bird feed. Flower was booming in her earbuds, and when Jeonghan’s voice came on at exactly 2:42, she completely forgot her surroundings.

The bike came out of nowhere. She could hardly hear the bike bell over the sound of the music. She looked up to see the bike speeding towards her, and the person riding it screaming something. 

It happened in an instant. Nom’s vision went fuzzy, and an incessant ringing was going off in her ears. There was a bright light, and then a warm voice.

Nom…

The voice was soft, and Nom could have sworn there was a slight echo to it. The voice was not clear, was she unconscious?

Nom…wake up…

It sounded very familiar…but something was different. If it was really that voice, then there would be an accent, and that was even assuming he could speak English. But this voice…it spoke in perfect English with practically no accent. The white light was still there, and Nom was fairly certain she was still awake.

Open your eyes…child…

Child? Did the voice call her child? When was she ever the child? Nom tried to “open her eyes,” but nothing changed. Her eyes were definitely open, and for whatever reason nothing actually hurt, despite being hit by the bike. Speaking of which, was not there. Where was the bike? Nom looked down, where was the road? She was in some strange white plane, with mist floating around everywhere. 

Nom opened her mouth, seeing if she could at least talk, “My…my eyes are open. Maybe you could turn down the brightness?” Her suggestion was earnest. A soft Oh could be heard and slowly the bright light disappeared, leaving what Nom could only describe as an angel.

He had beautiful feathers, they were sleek but still fluffy that were folded to covered his body. Some of them protruded from the main structure of the wings, and others had fallen to his feet. The wings encircled his body, and a halo of light rested lightly above his long, light brown hair.

With a flurry of feathers, the angel unfurled his wings to reveal his full body. The hair was pulled into a loose braid that ended just past his shoulders. His skin was smooth, so perfect that Nom was nearly convinced what she was seeing was an actual angel. He was clad in a loose white button-up shirt, with the last two buttons not done up, and fitted black jeans. He wore white running shoes of a brand that Nom didn’t recognize, and a silver bracelet.

“Jeonghan?” Nom said hesitantly.

‘Jeonghan’ smiled at her, “So you know my name, I’m glad.” His smile seemed to literally glow.

Gathering her thoughts and courage, Nom began to ask her questions, “Are you really him? There’s no way, right? Hannie speaks Korean, he lives in Korea, in fact, if you are him you should be in Korea now.” 

“Well…I suppose I am him? But not at the same time, it can be complicated. Simply put, think of me as like an astral projection of your Jeonghan, though you aren’t physically meeting, this plane and circumstance has allowed our minds to connect. Should you ever meet for real, both of you would remember this meeting and each other,” the angel Jeonghan replied.

Nom cocked her head to the side, “Circumstance? Oh…Oh yeah! Wasn’t I like, hit by a bike? Am I unconscious? Aren’t you just a figment of my imagination?” Though, if he was, Nom gave her imagination a large pat on the back, because Angel Jeonghan was masterfully thought up.

A bittersweet expression crossed Jeonghan’s face, “I’m sure you’re wondering about the wings.”

“I am.” 

“Well…like I said, this plane that is invisible to normal humans is what is allowing us to meet. The wings and halo are uh…part of the job I suppose,” Jeonghan started. “Do you believe in guardian angels, Nom?”

Nom thought, “I suppose they’d be nice, but I don’t really pray to my guardian angel or anything like that." 

“Well, I’m your guardian angel!” Jeonghan exclaimed. He seemed very excited, and his wings flapped, emulating his emotions. A few feathers around his feet flew up from the sudden wind.

Nom could only stare, gaping. A small laugh escaped her, though she quickly apologized.

“I suppose that’s hard to believe, after all, there are many other instances in which I could have saved you,” Jeonghan reached out to ruffle her hair. “The truth is, certain qualifications have to be met, if everyone was being saved by their guardian angel, the world would be thrown off balance, would it not?”

“Sorry, I’m still trying to wrap my head around that fact that Jeonghan is my guardian angel. I mean…I suppose him being an angel isn’t that far off but…my angel?” Nom felt truly blessed, and if this was her imagination, it was both the best and cruelest scenario it could think up.

“I really am! And you…you far exceed the qualifications needed. I’m actually the guardian angel for many people, I represent…well aside from all the major religious stuff, generally caring about others, and being a good person,” Jeonghan finished. Nom could believe that. Jeonghan was certainly caring, and he loved his members a lot. He enjoyed helping them and listening to their problems.

“So I had to be…a good mom?” Nom asked.

Jeonghan laughed, maybe it was the whole angelic thing, but it truly sounded like a bell. “You could call it that. Nom you are more than kind. You care so much for your friends, and take the time to talk to them.”

“Wait you can see the stuff I do!?” Nom’s voice was anxious.

Jeonghan grinned, “Only the stuff relevant to the whole angel thing.” Nom let out a sigh of relief. “You’re sweet, and are so nice to your friends, and try to stay mature when needed. And speaking from Jeonghan the Kpop Star, you’re a wonderful fan! You appreciate the members, and respect other fans. Truly, it’s your acts of kindness and being so sweet that allowed me to help you!”

“Oh! So you brought me to this plane because…I wouldn’t be hurt by the bike?” 

“Exactly!” Jeonghan reached out to pat her on the head. “Would you like a hug? I’m very good at hugging people.”

Nom nodded, and leaned into the angel. It was warm, and a loose feather tickled her nose. Jeonghan hummed happily. “I think our time is up. I’ll do my best to watch over you, as your angel.”

@maetaamong: oghetjdfkv kiki i actually love you so much there aren't any words. gahh you picked me up at swim and was the one that allowed me to meet everyone here, and for that i am so grateful. you're so fun to be around and you cARE so much and i love you for that. thank you for putting up with my idiocy, and thank you for teaching me all~~ about kpop. i'll work hard!! i believe in your situations and i really love you sososo much !!! FIGHTING!!!

Urs are the only universe in which you personally know the idol bc u are a spoiled brat love u also somehow u can understand each other??? You probably learned Korean or smt. U like…can choose if ya in a relationship or just friends idc man there’s no kissy kissy so . also u are older

Loud

“Kiki! Look! Look at this one!” The tall boy happily bounced towards the blonde, with a book in hand. The cover was two shades of blue, and obnoxious text that looked like it was an early 2007 meme. The title was Does God Ever Speak Through Cats? and Minhyuk seemed very excited about this question.

“I know it sounds stupid, but! He brings up some really good points? Don’t you think Bay acts strangely sometimes? It has to be the work of God!” he declared, which earned a few nasty stares from other patrons.

Kiki sighed and apologized to the startled customers, “Min, you do realize we are at a public library, and you’re being very loud?”

Minhyuk’s face fell, and he pouted innocently, “Sorry…should we go somewhere else?” His voice sounded remorseful, and even though he was taller than Kiki, she resisted the urge to pat him on the head. She could practically see the dog ears flapping over in guilt.

“It’s fine, you just have to be quiet. I just want to find a good book,” Kiki said softly.

“Okay, sorry, I know how much you like to read. Whatever you buy, I’ll pay,” he offered.

Kiki turned to him, with an incredulous look on her face, “Min, this is the public library. I have a library card, there’s no need for you to pay.”

Minhyuk, slightly annoyed by this fact, just mumbled in response and went back to browse the shelves for another strange book. He wasn’t a huge fan of reading, finding that he definitely didn’t have enough patience for it, and that reading words off a page simply weren’t exciting enough for him 

Though, the boy’s moodiness disappeared almost completely when he wordlessly handed Kiki another book. Teach Your Wife to be a Widow was a rather old looking book.

Kiki couldn’t hold back her laughter, “Is…is this supposed to be romantic or threatening? Calling me your wife…that’s sweet but this certainly isn’t how I thought it would go.”

Minhyuk giggled in response, “It’s both!” Another “shhh” was directed at him, to which he hastily apologized and trailed after Kiki, who disappeared into the ‘Fantasy’ section. She skimmed through the books, thumbing the spines of the ones that interested her from purely the title and art.

She had read a few of them, some didn’t catch her interest, while others had storylines far too similar to books already done. A book caught her eye. It had a bright blue cover, with the words Shatter Me written in blue and white font. Kiki pulled it out of the shelf. The cover had an eye on it. That was a good sign. Books with eyes on them usually had some cool theme going on. A quick skim of the summery told her that it was indeed a dystopian novel – her favourite genre – and that people had powers.

“What’s that? You gonna get it?” Minhyuk appeared out of nowhere. Kiki decided not to mention that even without him literally shouting out a stupid statement, his voice was still loud.

“Might,” she replied. Minhyuk sighed loudly, and finally one of the workers came up to him and asked him politely to “shut up or get out.” Minhyuk placed a hand over his mouth and actually kept this there as Kiki signed out the book. The pair could’ve sworn that people breathed a sigh of relief as they left the library.

As soon as they stepped out Minhyuk’s loud voice returned, “When we get to your room, I can be as loud as I want, right?”

“Of course,” Kiki laughed. Her apartment was a few blocks away from the library, both of which were on a beautiful promenade. They arrived at her apartment, which was a simple red brick building with white highlights around the windows, and a black roof. They climbed up three flights of stairs and walked to her room. 

Kiki set down her keys and took off her shoes. “Want anything to drink?”

Minhyuk didn’t skip a beat, “Green tea please. I’ll put on the water.” He filled up the kettle with water and waited for it to heat up. Kiki decided to drink some too, and took out a tea pot. 

“Are we really gonna read? On my precious day off?” Minhyuk whined. Kiki wanted to say that it was him just poking fun at her, but she knew very well that he wasn’t too excited.

“Only a bit, then we can do something more interesting. Maybe you’ll like the story.”

“Unlikely.”

“Aww c’mon it won’t be that bad. Just the first few pages. Really, thank you for spending your ‘precious day off’ with me– geez that expression, you’re so cute. I promise reading isn’t the only thing we’ll do.”

Minhyuk couldn’t hold back a smile, “Thanks for letting me spend it with you. You’re nice, and fun, and caring. But I wish you would stop calling me cute. I’m not cute!”

Kiki stared at his flustered face, “I beg to differ.” The kettle began to whistle and they each poured themselves a cup of tea.

They spent the first twenty pages just sitting next to each other on Kiki’s bed. “You’re going too fast,” Minhyuk would say. Kiki would wait after finishing a page for Minhyuk to nod. After a while Minhyuk started to complain about how the position hurt his neck, and his posture was bad.

“Well, how should we sit?” Kiki asked. Minhyuk had a devilish grin on his face, and grabbed Kiki by her waist. She shrieked from the sudden contact, and Minhyuk pulled her into him. He bended his legs and Kiki was now sitting in front of him, between his legs. Minhyuk’s back was warm, and his arms were unconsciously-consciously wrapped around the girl.

“Won’t this hurt your neck more?”

“I’m taller than you so it’s fine.” Kiki decided to let him do what he wanted.

Another few minutes passed before Minhyuk spoke up again, “This girl is stupid.”

“Annoying,” Kiki agreed. “And this guy they’ve brought in…he’s just supposed to be the guard. I mean it’s kind of cute?”

“He’s too moody, too stiff,” Minhyuk said into Kiki’s ear. “He should be more like me." 

“Well they are in a prison,” Kiki pointed out. Minhyuk only clicked his tongue in response. Bored, he reached over to turn on her fairy lights.

Another thirty pages passed, and the love triangle of the story finally started to show up. Though the second contestant seemed a lot less desirable. “You know…” Minhyuk said for the first time in a while. “Even though we’re reading, it’s kind of fun I guess.”

“See, I knew you’d like it!" 

“No, it’s not the book. The book kinda sucks.” Kiki’s face slightly fell, but she had to agree. “Your presence is nice. It’s calming. We could be doing anything and I think I’d still like it,” Minhyuk mumbled. Kiki noticed his cheeks flushing and his head was turned away. 

Minhyuk finally met Kiki’s eye, “Cuz it’s you.”

Cuddle

Kiki was lonely. Cuddle-horny as she called it. Desperate for some attention, she relayed this feeling to her group chat, though they responded predictably.

GO AWAY KIEr

YOU'VE HAD MORE BOYFRIENDS THAN I WILL IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

awww kiki if I could id comfort youuuuu

S I N G L E C L U B

Sighing, her hand hovered over another contact, but Kiki quickly dismissed the idea. Hoon would be busy with his work. She couldn’t trouble him just because she wanted a good hug. Letting out a long sigh, Kiki threw herself against her bed.

Ten minutes went by, to the girl, ten long minutes of no human comfort. Damn French Guy. Her phone buzzed, a part of her thought it was the group chat, lamenting over their forever-single state but the name ‘Hoon’ was on the notification.

Want to come over? Got the afternoon off bc yoon got sick and now we can’t focus on learning the new song.

Kiki didn’t waste a second replying, throwing on a jacket, and booting it to Hoon’s house. She arrived soon enough and was greeted by an enthusiastic Haute. Kiki gladly gave him all the belly rubs, and Hoon soon appeared. He wore a loose white shirt with a random logo on it, and black sweatpants.

“Glad you could make it,” he walked closer to pick up Haute.

“Me too,” Kiki mumbled under her breath. “Got…any plans?”

Hoon scratched the back of his neck, “Ah not really. I was just thinking we could hang out, catch up. I’ve been busy, we haven’t seen each other in a while.”

Kiki grinned, “That’s perfectly fine.” She could use the conversation, the human contact. “Can we just sit on the couch or something?”

Hoon grabbed some drinks and Kiki sat on the couch, putting the TV to a random channel that they wouldn’t watch anyways. Hoon sat next to her.

“Is Yoon okay? What happened?” Kiki asked.

Hoon took a sip of his drink before answering. “He got laryngitis. We tried to go over the music, but he really wasn’t feeling well so he went home for the rest of the day. We got let off too because none of us could focus.”

“Is he resting here?”

“Nope, I meant home, home. He’s with his parents. They got pretty worried and asked if he could come home for a bit. I think they also didn’t want me to catch it too,” Hoon replied.

Kiki nodded, “That makes sense. It would be super unfortunate if you both got it.”

The two found themselves inching closer until Kiki was leaning into Hoon’s broad chest, and Hoon had nearly all of his limbs wrapped around her. Kiki found that they were breathing in sync and even though no words were said, it was still so engaging.

They conversed through contact, and a few hums here and there. Hoon was warm, and his hold on Kiki was tight. Kiki buried her face into the crook of his neck, feeling as if she could fall asleep. Haute came to join them, wedging into a space between their stomachs.

Cuddling with Hoon really felt nice, his limbs, while lanky, were perfect for wrapping around Kiki. He was considerate if something felt uncomfortable, and every so often they’d whisper about something, and he’d laugh. His laugh lit up his entire face, and his smile was permanently stuck. It was a quiet laugh, but somehow his entire body would jerk with every little sound.

Hoon felt the same way, because Kiki became really happy when they cuddled. She’d snuggle close and trace little patterns on the nearest available surface. In all of her beauty she seemed so at peace, and so graceful just in his arms like this. 

“Thank you.”  

@red-dyed-sarumane: A K IR E SENPAI! im sorry if this is sudden, but! i couldn't leave you out, and i definitely didn't live vicariously through your story and that ISNT the reason why it's the longest nope haahhaahhhaha. really, thank you for putting up with me and my rants or whatever, and letting me talk to you a ton! i'm glad i was also able to meet so many new utaites. ageyuki hell here i comeeee. you're so kind and explain lots of things in detail which i appreciate. i hope we're able to talk even more in the new year! thank you so much. 

If u don't understand some of the jap (tho u are vv smort so I bet u will) or if I made mistakes (bc I definitely did fuCK particles man) pls tell me. Also I used ur mom sorrrryyyyy. AGAIN I HAD NO IDEA WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS JUST RELISH IN THE FACT THAT U SAW MAFFU

Concert 

It was agreed upon the international Utaite fans that they suffered. Just barely grasping onto the blessed, but few, translators of their twitters, videos, and songs. Paying more for shipping than the actual product, and looking desperately into screens, unable to see their true face. Concerts were a dream, because going to Japan at the right time, and even buying a ticket would be difficult. Few people had the money, time, or permission to do it. Livestreams were almost never when they were awake, and even if they were, it’s not like there were subs to explain anything.

The salvation were the compilations the singers did of their concerts, with blurred out faces and some clips of them singing on stage as the audience held out their light sticks. Many tried to learn at least a little bit of Japanese, but they talked quite fast, and a few (*coughs* mafu) didn’t annunciate properly.

They were fighters really, being a fan for a long time, willing to burn holes through their pocket just to get an album, and loving the Utaites, even if they didn’t understand most of what was going on.

“You don’t know what they’re saying!”

“You’ve never seen their face!”

The fans heard those kinds of phrases far too often. It irked them, because music was so much more than the words, and pretty faces didn’t mean you couldn’t appreciate their abilities.

Akire was one such fan. She was smart, and worked hard to understand even a little bit of what the Utaite’s were saying. And, if there was anything worse than being a fan of an Utaite, it was being a fan of multiple Utaite. It was album after album being released, and live and live happening, and all the international fans could do was watch and wish.

It was one fateful day, when her mother, and told Akire the news.

“Well, it’s been a while since we’ve traveled, and I’ve been wanting to see the cherry blossoms in bloom for a while now!” she said through the phone. “So, we’re going to Japan! You like those Jpop guys, right?” Akire resisted the urge to correct her. “If there’s any concerts that are cheap, why not try to get tickets?”

Akire thought her heart would stop right there. They were going to Japan. She’d be surrounded by the culture of which so many things she treasured came from. Her mom would let her go to a concert. SHE COULD GO TO A CONCERT. Akire hastily opened Twitter and checked for any news of a concert over the spring break.

Yukimi and @gain were still relatively new and low key, so there was no word of a concert from them. Sou was working on an album, though no lives were being planned during the time. XYZ was having concerts, but they were just after Akire would be in Japan.

Akire would feel so unfulfilled if she didn’t go to a single Utaite concert when she had the opportunity. She scrolled mindlessly through Twitter, hoping that maybe someone would be hosting something she could attend.

A notification popped up. Akire clicked on it, half expecting the stupid ‘in case you missed it’ thing that Twitter did. It was from Mafumafu, and Akire didn’t even have to open the tweet fully to see the mass of exclamation marks.

It only took a quick skim to realize that Mafumafu was hosting a live. Akire quickly opened up the picture to check the dates. The 2nd of March, and the 7th, 12th, and 15th.

Fumbling to open her phone, Akire quickly texted her mother, When do we get to Japan?

Six painful minutes went by before her phone buzzed. She checked it the instant the screen lit up. Night of the 12th.

Akire checked the information again, she could make the last show! Crap, when did the tickets go on sale. She combed through the characters of Mafu’s tweet, trying to pick out the relevant ones, though there were still some she didn’t know. A quick Google Translate confirmed that tickets indeed went on sale at 8 o’clock a.m. Japan time. Which was, with the help of Google once again, in twelve minutes.  

Practically throwing her laptop across her room, Akire went to fetch her wallet which was left in a coat pocket. She sent a text explaining the tickets to her mom, and hopped she could read through the typos.

Dashing back upstairs, Akire clicked on the link provided. It took her to a website in complete Japanese. Akire just barely navigated through it, and occasionally had to look up various details, because business kanji was definitely not her forte. She was old enough to go alone (and she hopped her parents agreed with her because she was going to this live) and the tickets were at a mere 4500¥, which was around $40 US.

Praying to the Wifi Gods, Akire paid as fast as she could, she didn't even have time to check where the seats were, other information could be researched later. All that mattered was getting the tickets before they sold out or something.

And then Akire breathed, because she was going to see Mafumafu live.

~~~

In the previous month Akire had practiced Japanese much more intensely. Though the show would likely consist of mostly music, he would still MC a lot, and she wanted to understand as much as possible.

The venue wasn’t the biggest (it seemed they saved big venues for AtR concerts) but it still held around 2,000 seats and from what Akire could see, it was full. Her seat was relatively close to the stage, maybe six or so rows back.

Akire was excited; seeing Mafumafu live, she would see his face! The entire experience seemed surreal, and her appearance stood out a lot compared to the other fans. But her appearance didn’t matter when the lights went down and vibrant music started to play. Akire knew this song like the back of her hand, of course he’d sing すーぱーぬこになりたいfirst.

Some of the people had actually memorized his little spiel at the beginning, and said it to speed, which Akire found very impressive. Some artists sounded strange live, because their voice in a microphone was different compared to a studio, with mixing done. Though Mafumafu certainly couldn’t replicate any of the heavily engineered parts of his songs, somehow his voice sounded better live. It was clear, and there was raw emotion within his voice. The high notes were so much more intense, and just seeing the music come out of his mouth was amazing. 

He wore white cat ears, but simple black jeans and a loose sweater. After the song ended, Mafu quickly introduced himself, “はあいまふまふですー！じゃみんなさん！楽しみにして？” The crowd cheered in response. “みんなさんも歌ってよ！僕が嬉しいになって！”

ドラマツルギー began to play, and Mafu said something a little too fast for Akire to pick up. She got the feeling it was something about “wanting to sing this song, but never recorded it.”

The night felt like a blur, the light sticks that bounced in front of her, with the stage lights going crazy especially during 罰ゲーム and ゴーストルール. The show was only two hours, but it felt like a long, blissful eternity. The music that always remained through the screen, orin her ears was finally live. It was finally there.

Akire could see his face, his full face. Even with all the live-action videos, or the strange DVD’s he released, seeing him like this felt it was the definite proof that Mafumafu wasn’t just some singer on the internet. He was real, and he was talented. His voice shook the theatre, even when covering the softer songs on an acoustic guitar, like いかないで or 水彩銀河のクロニクル somehow his voice just enveloped the theatre.

It felt like a dream. Mafu bounced around the stage, and answered a few questions from Twitter. Akire could make out most of the details.

“What inspired you to start singing?”

“At the time, there were just so many talented people online. They were singing and people really liked them. Soraru-san and many others were uploading at the time, and I enjoyed music. I guess I wanted to be a part of that.”

“What time do you wake up in the morning?”

“Well it depends, sometimes it's a good time like 8:00, but sometimes it’s super early like 6:00 – I THINK 6:00 IS EARLY, YOU GUYS ARE WEIRD – or sometimes it’s late like 12:00.”

“Where do you live?”

“Within my dreams.”

“What do you think about love?” 

“This question is kind of deep…don’t you think? I mean, there’s familial love, and I love my family a lot. To think they’d support me having this kind of job, it’s really amazing. And I love my friends, Amatsuki-kun, and Soraru-san, and Luz-kun, Urata-san, and Sakatan too. They’re precious. Of course, I love you guys as well! There would be no Mafumafu without you guys. Thank you so much for being here, for liking my voice and music enough to see me live! Please continue to support me!”

A staff member off to the side laughed, and encouraged the audience to ask about romantic love. Akire joined in the chant of “恋！教えて！恋！” in which Mafu only replied with a finger over his lips and cuing the next song.

Mafumafu ran through a few more songs before announcing the next one would be the final one. The music to ねこがまるくなったcame on, and it was undoubtedly the most energetic performance of the night. Mafumafu starting and ending with a cat song, how classic. Akire sang along, knowing every word, maybe not hitting every note perfectly but still doing her best.

The confetti at the end showered the audience, and Akire found that she was smack in the center of its trajectory. Accepting that she’d be pulling pieces of paper out of her hair later on, she cheered as Mafumafu thanked everyone for coming, and exited the stage. Akire thought she was dreaming, that this was something her mind had made up because she so desperately wanted to see this singer in real life. Though, the free pin that she was given on the way out, signed by Mafumafu himself, seemed to solidify the experience.

She had seen Mafumafu live.

alllright~~ this motherload of a post is FINALLY done i should've worked on school projects during this time but fuck that who carES (i care) 

honestly, thank you guys so much! i cant believe that I was able to meet all of you, it's really been a ride. i hope you found the story/stories amusing!! i'm sorry for any typos, incorrect facts or anything seemingly out of character(?? u guys arent characters) but hopefully no hard feeling are taken. 

I hope next year will be even better!

with love,

L 

P.S. honestly fuck you guys i cant believe i actually wrote all of this

#thank you #love you #kpop #seventeen #jeonghan #seunghoon #winner #monsta x #minhyuk #day6 #jae #youngk #utaite #mafumafu #my writing #im so sorry #really thank you so much #mutuals #love post

[kneekeyta]

hi guys! Here is a little backstory to the “Its three in the morning” fic, I hope you enjoy! 

Thanks again for the prompt @laughterafter

Forever tag list:  @nemo-miraclegrow-blog@areyousad8118@thisissomefreshbullshit @luckyemcee@mmfdiaryfan @murderyoursoul @kristicallahan  @irish-girl-84 @sey77 @bebelievelive @justagirlnamedkayla @i-love-mmfd@anitavalija @she-was-a-street-smart-girl @milymargot @busstop@pink-royaute @lolflash @youmehellofarollercoasterride@curvygirlonabudget @inneedofamoralcompass @paleasalabaster@mmfdfanfic @mallyallyandra@lethallylauren @finnleysraemundo@pissingonursoul @losingpudge @bitchy-brokend@audisodd @darlingdiver @fantasticab @celestev31@rinncincin @tinakegg @ducky17@katywright340@bitcheslovebeck @raernundo @nutinanutshell@cant-getno-sleep @courtkismet @omgbananasnailus @i-dream-of-emus @guyoverboard @anglophileyoungblood @swooningfangirl@bitchesbecrazy89  @chrryblsms @girlwithafoxhat @annemarieted@sammylbc @sarahlouise88ni @how-ardently@idontliketalkingtoanybody  @mmfdblog@phoenixflower413@penguinsandbowties @fizzezlikecherrycola@fangirlwithoutshame @africancreativity @alyssaloca @llexis@thatfunnygirllauren @cheersmedear @14000romances @rred87@nirvanalove27 @takenbyatree @im-an-emu@shashaaussi@mirandasmadeofstone  @lililuvlight @flxwxry@slitherouter @saracasm25 @becauseyouarestrong @malvaloca93@happyfrasers @vmellow @scumothaearff @wandering-soul-7@hewittgolightly @emmatationsforall @ninjarunningzico@arcticoasisboy @milllott @rafaellabnery @endemictoearth @blackfeministagenda @queenasfuccck @lilaviolet@dianasaurousrexxx @kathhumphreysx @eighty-sixcharlie@flirtmcgirt @nenita1978 @crystalgiddings1993 @girl-looking-out-window @facephase @blobwithagob @freyasfrench@freyasfrench @borntochaos @likeashootingstarfades@isthistherightwayround @toseeyou-again @emu4ever @carpe-libris @voodoomarie @keisernerosmom @you-are-world-class-i-mean-that @cosiquellocheora  @protectfinnnelson @stinemarine@rhi3915 @lovinglifeandlivinglove @caitlinmaddyx @lizzylizard84 @redprairielily @look-how-they-shine-love@annaplantain @everythingilove-blog @lau-vm @absolutelynotnico@mmfdftw @kingbeeyonce @chelsealorine @jackiewalsh2013@karinskyme @spreadsomepositivity @justthegoodgirlsreject@tipsylou84-deactivated20170624 @towongfu2 @lily-pop-2 @fuck-sewing-machine @parisgirly93 @raeonashadowcaster@rockinthebeastmode @servethecitymke @eveerez  ( @arathewallflower  @hey1tskat1e @lurkernolonger @luly310 @eloquenthale @mmfdfanfic   as always please let me know if you would like to be added or removed. xD

Its just a few paragraphs long of me rambling about what happened from Finns perspective and if you need more details feel free to send a message and I’ll answer it the best I can. 

(There also could be a small Finn pov fic at the end but you’ll have to scroll to find out xD ) 

Backstory!

Okay, so basically everything that happened in season one and then up until the Rinn breakup in S2 happened. In this fic, however, Rinn didn’t break up. Rae tries to break up with him that night she goes to return his jacket but she doesn’t get the chance to break up with him. Finn calms her down and tells her that he’s going to Leeds with his Dad for the weekend and for her to take this time to think things over because he really doesn’t want to break up.

So while he is gone, Rae is involved in a car accident.

He comes back to find she’s been coma induced, and when she does wake up she’s lost the past six months from her memory.

So, Finn stays and does what he can but she’s struggling to recover from the accident, (she doesn’t go back into the hospital but when she is able resumes her appointments with Kester) and she gets too overwhelmed, with everyone crowding her, that she gets a panic attacks, so not wanting to upset her anymore, Finn goes to Leeds because it’s too hard for him to stay. He does keep in contact with her mum getting weekly updates on Rae’s status.

Finn talks to some of the gang too and they speak about how they are worried about Rae and how she is struggling through her recovery still, physically and mentally. And how she hasn’t remembered any of them other than Chloe yet.

A year and a half goes by and he finally decides to go back to see her and hope that he won’t upset or confuse her. But during his weekly phone call Linda tells him, Rae, left town and no one knows where she is.

So he goes back to talk to Linda and try to form a plan to find Rae but then reads the note she left and decides to let her go.

Basically the note said, that she was tired of everyone treating her so delicately. That she could feel that they were not acting themselves around her and that she needed to get away to be herself and to find herself.

So, Finn having to move on with his life goes to school and then gets a job in Manchester and moves. Getting out of work late one night he heads to this all night diner and as fate would have it, he sees Rae is working there. So, he goes every night to have a cup of tea and stealthily observe her.

He hadn’t planned on making any sort of direct contact with her, but one night they happened to catch each other’s eye and he felt like he saw a flicker of familiarity. So, he started to leave small notes on his napkins after that. Not really say much or look at her too much in case it alarmed her. He wanted to just subtly remind her of the past.  

--

Okay so that was basically what happened up until the point of where the fic starts.

If any of you have any other questions please feel free to message me and I will try to give more details,

So for now enjoy this small part 2! xD

--

Four weeks later

“Talk about Déjà vu.”

Finn huffs a small laugh, “Fitting innit?” He smiles, shifting in his seat, “Being here? Like we’ve come full circle.”

“Yeah, and it is,” she ducks her head hiding her small smile.

He wants to reach out to her, to place his hand on top of hers to reassure her that everything is going to be okay. But he doesn’t want to startle her, they’ve only spoken a little in the past few weeks, a little about her recovery and finding a life in Manchester and such. She didn’t seem to want to talk too much about it, yet, so he figured it would come in time. He wouldn’t want to jeopardize anything by asking too many questions.

So, he moves his hands off of the table top in favor of letting them settle onto his lap.

“Listen, Rae…” he starts, she hasn’t looked up at him yet and she hasn’t been keeping eye contact with him much and he doesn’t want her to feel awkward. He needs to remind her that they are still just, Finn and Rae. Best mates.

“Thank you for meeting me.”

She looks up at him now, “I…of course, after-after I remembered..I just-it was a lot, but I’m doing better now, I-uh talked to my mum and to Kester if you can believe it,” she chuckles with a slight shake of her head.

“I’m doing good, even after everything,”

He lets out a small breath because he was worried she would have a small set back after remembering.

“I’m happy, that you’re settled then-with like everything happening.”

“Yeah, I-I am…just I do have questions for you,” she says shyly before looking away quickly.

“I’m sure you have several and I will answer all of them, but—can I just say a few things first, please?”

She nods giving him the go-ahead, and with a deep breath he starts, “I just—I shouldn’t have left, that night you tried to break up with me or even two months after your accident. Rae, I never felt about anyone the way I feel about you, I just thought some space would help you think more clearly. I was set on not going but then when you came over I thought two days away might change your mind.”

He pauses, focused on her face, she’s not giving anything away and he just so desperately wants to look at her forever because he’s missed out on seeing her for too many years already.

“And then your accident,” he begins once more, “I was in shock and just everything happened so fast, and I tried, we all tried, to stir your memory a little at a time, but I couldn’t put you through that, you looked so uncomfortable, and just were upset all the time. I couldn’t be part of that, I didn’t want to hurt your anymore than you already were. So…I left.” He wipes away at his eyes because tears are forming. The hurt was excruciating back then and it’s no better reliving it now even with Rae sitting in front of him.

“Finn,” she says quietly.

He looks at her and she gives him a small sad smile and then he sees her hand is extended and so he carefully he slides his hand into hers and he wants to cry and tell her he loves her so much and how he never thought this day would ever come, but he doesn’t, he doesn’t because he just found her again and doesn’t want to scare her off.  

So he squeezes her hand softly and she squeezes back, reassuring him it’s all okay.

He lets out a sigh and carries on, “I talked to your mum every week to get updates, and every week I hoped-god-I prayed, you’d get better, even if you didn’t remember that you would at least not get panic attacks,

“And then one day I call and she said you left. That--fuck-that killed me I went back as soon as I could ready to look for you, but your note, I just-I had to stop, had to let you go. So I went back to Leeds went to school, hoping you were well wherever you were and then, well, now I’m here.” he smiles small, “still can hardly believe you are too.”

“And the notes,” she says with a little smirk.

He huffs a small laugh, “Yeah, um, you probably don’t remember this but one night I came in and we happened to look at each other and I felt a glimmer of hope, it looked like you recognized me maybe, so I thought what would be the harm, y’know?”

“I remember,” she smiles, “But it wasn’t because I remembered you then. It was that you were a mystery before, only coming in to order tea and sit for hours.  You’re cute and intrigued me.”

“Had a bit of a crush on me did you?” he teases and then realizes he probably shouldn’t have said that but before he can back track she says, “I always did,” a faint blush filling her cheeks.

He squeezes her hand and she smiles bashfully.

A moment passes and she is thinking, he could always tell, it looks like she’s not sure how to phrase what she wants to say.

“Finn—I just…I want to say that, I’m happy for you. That you went to school and moved and found an amazing job. I would have never ever wanted you to wait around—and that’s, I don’t mean to sound presumptuous, I just want you to know, I’m happy for you.”

He nodded understanding, “The note you left helped with that you know,” he wouldn’t admit it yet, but it killed him to try and let her go. But he did his best moving forward.

“Yeah, I just…I couldn’t be here anymore, I felt suffocated. Everywhere I went people would give me sympathizing looks, hell even Big G asked if was okay once,” she chuckled.

“I just needed to be somewhere that I could move on,”

“I understand that, Rae, and as long as you’re happy that’s all that matters.”

“I am happy.”

“Good.” He says with a soft squeeze to her hand, “You had questions you said”

“You answered most of them, I’ll let you know if anything else comes up.”

“Okay, then.” He smiled with a short nod.

“Ready to go?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

They stand up and like they are magnets immediately connect. They hug so tightly Finn is positive neither of them are breathing but it doesn’t matter. Because he’s hugging her for the first time in 4 years.

“I missed you,” he mumbles into her neck.

“I missed you, too.” She replies sounding a little choked up.

After another moment they pull apart and head out of the familiar green doors of the pub and into the night.

“So, I’m staying a little longer with my mum. When are you heading back?” she asks.

“Day after tomorrow,” he replies because he has work on Monday.

“What are you up to tomorrow?”

“Not much, probably just packing my stuff for the train ride home,” he shrugs.

She nods with a small smile, “Do you think it’s funny how we ran into each other here?”

He can’t help but smile, it was definitely a surprise that they both ended up back home and then ran into each other, almost literally.

“No, I don’t think so. I think—I think we’ll always find each other.” It sounds cliché and he knows that but, it’s the truest thing he’s said in a long time, and it’s something he’s always quietly believed.  

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” She smiles wide.

“Goodnight, Rae,” he says, in lieu of saying something far too soon to be saying.

She takes a step forward, and says, “Hey, do you still like to bowl?”

He tries his best to not show so many teeth as he smiles.

--

On the train ride home he can’t help but smile the entire way because she hadn’t said it was a date, but it totally was.

-

The End!

(unless I come up with another glimpse into this universe.)

Like i could do one of these for Rae if anyone is interested? like her leaving and what her note said,  But Finn seemed the consensus so...yeah. anyway hope all is well!

#mmfd fanfic #mmfd fanfiction #my mad fat diary fanfiction #my mad fat diary fanfic #mmfdfanfic

[conniefelicia]

Him.

Hello, it’s been a while. I hope whoever read this have a great day.

There are a lot of events that have been going on since the last time. And this is one of them. I will remember him for the rest of my life.

This story isn’t a fairytale. It’s imperfect and tragic.

It all begins, a year ago. May 27th, 2016. We met on the bar. I was with my ex-boyfriend and his friends, we introduced ourselves as we drank. I didn’t have any attention at all that time when I saw him. But all I know is that he is super tall and funny. We drank all night then I got a bit tipsy so we just dance and dance. My ex wasn’t really happy about it. He was pissed the whole time. We started to follow each other on social media since that night.

But life goes on, we never contact each other again.

One day, he unfollowed me on Instagram. And it’s strange. But I was like, okay, whatever. Maybe he forgot about me.

And so life continues…my ex surprise me on my 20th birthday on July, then after that day we never keep in touch anymore. Because I wanted to get rid of his negativity out of my life and that I’ve found someone else who can love me better than him.

Short story, I dated another new Guy for around three months but we never actually fit to each other, we did not fight as much, because I chose not to speak up when something is wrong. When I’m in the middle of this shitty relationship, he messaged me on Path. Yes, him.

He explained everything. And now it becomes clear to me that he has a long-term girlfriend. Around two years or so and still together, even back then when I met him for the first time. They’re on a long distance relationship. Hell. That even explains more. The reason why he unfollowed me on Instagram and other social media is not according to his own will. But his girlfriend’s. She blocked every potential girl she could find interesting for him. Overly possessive much kinda girlfriend, huh?  But I get it. She’s just too afraid of losing him maybe, I thought. But she’s doing it in a wrong way.

After since that day, we talk and talk every single day for weeks. He calls me every night and he never fails to put a smile on my face. It was such a relief from stress that I encountered from my relationship at that time. Don’t get me wrong, yes, I do feel guilty, he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend. We shouldn’t be talking to each other so often. Cheating is cheating. But he makes me happy, and that is something valuable for me. He, on the other hand, often fighting with his girlfriend, they argue a lot. And maybe that’s why we feel so comfortable to each other and creating strong bond. One time he broke up with his girl, she said that she doesn’t want him anymore and stuff. I was in tears to know that. I don’t know why, but I do care so so much for him. I don’t want him to be depressed. It’s just too hard to know. So I was there for days.

It didn’t last long.

Just around 2-3 weeks of everyday talking and calling/video chatting, in the middle of deep conversation, he disappeared. Just like that.

On that same day, I finally have the courage to broke up with my boyfriend through pretty long talk. I cried.

I tried my best to call him. But he didn’t pick up my phone.

From that moment, I knew something is terribly wrong. The next day I tried to text him again but still, no sign. My brain just couldn’t stop thinking about him. Where is he? Is he okay? Is he and his girl got back together again? He’s not sick right? Omg please be fine.

I wait. And wait. Every night I cry and calling out his name. Why he do this to me?

But few days later, I found on his path that he is with his girlfriend. So, at least now I know. The reason why he just vanished. What an asshole. But it’s okay, I thought to myself, as long as he is happy then I am too. I won’t bother their relationship no more. Along the way, I stumbled, and fall. I went looking for someone to numb my pain. Losing a boyfriend and a best friend at the same time is indeed a pain in the ass. I met strangers on the club, get high, and ruining myself, I was stressed out. I was lost. But the pain never go away, this type of release is temporary. And the after effect sucks. I get more and more pain and loneliness.

But I have to gain my strength again and get the fuck up. My life won’t stop here. Not just yet.

Months and months pass by, ups and downs. I’m trying my best to survive. And I think I did. I’m stronger than before. I live my life. I am happy without a boyfriend. I made promise to myself, 2017 is the year of no serious relationship. It’s been a frustrating life of always being haunted by insecurities and mentally abused in a relationship. I've had enough. I need to be alone at least for now, to improve myself. I have plans for my future, but I live in the moment. I cherish every single details of it. I have only one life, average human lifespan is only at 79 years anyway.

So everything is fine, right?

Not really. He contacted me again, after couple months later. I wasn’t sure how to react, I do miss him, but upset too. He can’t just leave me like that without explanation and had me wondering, worrying for nights. But his explanation is valid as ever, turns out, his girl went to see him suddenly and staying at his house. So he couldn’t reach me and he feels really really sorry about it. He admits how sorry he was, and somehow he told me that not a day goes by without him thinking of me. And that makes me feel something.

We’re starting to talk again anyway, and it gets more intense. We get super close, and even develop feelings towards each other. I don’t know how. We all know, this is a love affair. I realized that, and I just want to die. He has a girlfriend, and I’m just his side chick. I know, it sounds so naïve of me. I just know that we won’t work. But we just go with it. At least what I feel is real, and I’ve never been so in love with someone far away without even seeing each other in person since the first meeting. He isn’t that cute, but he is funny and somewhat attractive to me now. I love seeing his face and his voice. For the first time, I never want anyone else this big but him. I just want him. I want to hug him to kiss him to feel him in my arms and never let him go away. I want to live with him. I don’t know how much he feels for me but all I know is that he loves me too. He doesn’t want me to see other boys, go to club, do bad things. He cares about me and he explains well why he forbids me to do so.

However, I know that he will eventually marry that girl, not me.

I obey most of his rules but then this brain starts to saying things like, who are you anyway? Who is he anyway? He has a girl. Is it unfair that he can have both girls at the same time? what a jerk! Fuck it. Just live your life the way that you want. So I went to club once without his acknowledge.

Back to the story, we still call every day and he told me that he wanted to come here, in Jakarta just to meet me again. He promised that he would be here in the middle of February 2017.

But he never did.

You see, all those great times we’ve been together online, we laugh, we share. But he’s the type of guy who will not tell any internal/personal shits to other people, even his closest friends. He told me that you can never trust anyone because you don’t know how long your relation with them will stay, once you crash, you’re done. Secret exposed. And I totally respect his decision. I never ask about his personal life with his girl. Since I already know that he won’t tell anyway. But it is sad. I can’t help him, I can’t do anything when he is fighting with his girl. I feel like a useless piece of crap. 

This affair can’t be known. I’m hiding a secret and it’s not nice at all. It’s like carrying a dead body in your bag then you go to school with it. Alright, maybe I exaggerated. But you get the point.

Now back to the reason why he didn’t make it to Jakarta. This part is pretty fucked up. Trust me. Just when you thought this whole love affair is bad enough, think again.

Monday, February 13th 2017, he asked me how I feel for him. So I explained in long paragraph. See down below as I copy the chat I sent to him.

“Km org yg bkin ak baper disaat aku orgny jarang cpt baper, awalny ak cm sekedar interest but ga ad  pemikiran apapun buat penasaran sm km pgn dketin ato apa, aku pikir awalnya oh ya udah, cm stranger yg ketemu sekali di bar, mau harap apa? Dia jg pst lupa sama aku anyway. But time goes by, lost contact. Then km tb2 hubungin aku disaat aku lg stress dan di dalam suatu hubungan yang berantakan, and for that moment, i feel happy. Ak merasa lega oh ternyata kamu itu orgnya kayak gini, he has character, he is funny, oh, dia care bgt. And somehow idk why dari situ mulai develop feelings. Tp blm banyak. Then u left me, aku nangis waktu tidur, tapi habis itu aku sadar, kamu punya kehidupan kamu sendiri. Km udh punya pacar yg serius, aku gak bs apa2 dan bukan siapa2 kamu. Aku gak duga kalo km blg km baper sm aku, krn aku gak show my feelings at all to u sejak awal, biasa2 aja cm tmn ngbrl. Yasudah. It grows. Aku jd sayang sm kamu. Which is stupid. Aku tau aku bodoh, sayang sm org yg bukan punyaku, yg ud pasti gak akan milih aku. Aku merasa bersalah Aku sedih. Aku gaenak. Tp aku berusaha ya ignore itu pemikiran negatif semua, let it flow. Kamu byk bkin aku belajar, dikasih nasihat2 yg gak aku duga itu bs keluar dr kamu. Im sorry… klo aku udh bkin km tertekan terus menyulitkan kamu. Aku jg gatau hrs gmn, ak bnr syg sm km cm ak gbs apa2, but it’s ok Pertanyaan km, “km anggep aku apa skrg?” Ak anggep km sbg my super super bestest friends yang aku sayang pk bgt maaf lebay, gak mau liat km sedih, gk mw liat km dijahatin orang, pkokny all the best for you. Please just be happy, no matter where when who you are with💕”  

So it ends there. Then he called me. That night, he told me that he was arguing before with his girl. And I kinda insist him to tell what the hell is going on. What is happening? I just feel something is not right here and I need to know. Turns out, 

his girl is pregnant.

.

“SHIT.”

That was the first word that came out of my mouth as soon as he told me about the news. I am beyond speechless. I have nothing to say. I just don’t know how to react.

“Are you su..sure?”

“Are you sure it is yours?”

“When did it happen?”

“How many months?”

I just have so many questions but my legs are shaking. My stomach feels like they’re about to explode. My heart is beating rapidly like a drum. Holy fuck. Why. She’s late for two weeks. I told him to see a doctor for professional help. And that she will come to check. She will meet him on February 16th. This, is going to be my last day to keep in touch with him before they meet.

I feel terrible. I feel numb. I don’t want to lose him just yet. At least what I feel for him is real. I want to be there for him even though he is in a really awful situation right now. I promise to carry this secret with me for him. 

I’ve seen so many stories similar to this, married by accident and some shits. But to actually be a part of it, it’s devastating. My heart broke into gazillion pieces right now. I can’t bear watch him suffer. Maybe he is in love with me but he knows that it can’t be happening. He is soon to be a father. Can you imagine that?

I just hope for all the best for him, he needs to be strong. And I believe he can. The future is unknown. But I would like to tell my children one day, about him. About how much I love him, and I will always do. No matter what, I will always remember him till the end of my life. Someone that is never be mine. I wish I had the chance to be with him in this life. I will never forget our first and last meeting, Felix.

“In another life, I would be your girl.”-Katy Perry, The One That Got Away.

Finally, he left me again for the second time. No matter how hard I tried to prepare myself for the last day, I can never be ready. But I have to.

May we cross our path again soon if the odds be ever on our favor.