#nexa rambles

[aboveweirdest]

Reading Trigun fic after watching Tristamp: Vash drinking??? And smoking??? Weird???

After watching Trigun '98: oh no, he should have been drunker actually

#vash #tristamp #trigun 98 #trigun stampede #vash the humanoid typhoon #vash the stampede #nexa rambles

[chainsofaether]

More pictures below cut and some commentary because brain goes brrr.

So say hello. This is Nexa. A little Miqo'te I made some time ago but never really leveled or did anything with. She turned in to a bit of an experiment/way to burn time a week or two ago. Started leveling every class at the same time on her. Why? Wanted to see if I'd find it easier to level classes if I didn't have to juggle wide ranges of gear levels. So far yes, but she's only in the 35 to 40 range with classes and I'm starting to feel the slow down in leveling hit. So we'll see.

But do I ever make a character and not think about who they are? Not really. In other games I tended to just make alts randomly as I got ideas and then level them in my spare time. FF14 is utterly terrible for leveling alts though so that's probably not going to happen. Least not many alts. Nexa exists though.

So who is she? Well she's not completely fleshed out yet but I can tell you she grew up in the stables in the shrouds. She's still pretty young. That she's a Jockey for chocobo races for the last year. Loves those weird bird horses. Has a good understanding of breeding and training. Owns her own thoroughbred though tends to race/train other peoples birds to make a bit of money. Otherwise tries to use her knowledge to get her jobs that let her work with chocobos.

There's no scale in the pictures really but she's tiny as fits a jockey. The sword in the last picture is just a prop or an idea in my head. I don't really know if she know how to fight. Maybe a tiny bit considering the danger of the world but certainly not a skill she's honed yet.

She's friendly and cheery. She likes to play music. She tends to be underfed because unless she does well in races money tend to be tight and she'll always make sure her chocobo is housed and fed before herself.

All in all enough to get her out an rping if I'm of mind but still some history and personality to nail down. Anyway I've rambled enough for the moment.

#ff14 #Nexa #ooc #new character

[aboveweirdest]

There's something about Vash's Tomorrows monolog.... a tiny little detail... that just fucks me up even more.

It's that after "I want to spend my tomorrows with him" he adds

"Right, Wolfwood?"

And I. I do not have the ability to articulate what it is about that that makes it hurt worse. The want for reciprocation or acknowledgement? Maybe even an understanding that Wolfwood would feel the same (cause he does)? The hand he reaches out, metaphorically, silently, where no one can see? The desperation in what he knows is happening, what he knows is coming, and what he wants in a way he never lets himself? Vash doesn't let himself hang around anyone for too long, but with Wolfwood... that's all he wants, all he asks for.

Anyway I'm gonna go curl up in a corner and resume my sobbing thx

#trigun #vash the stampede #vash #wolfwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #trigun maximum #trimax #vashwood #trigun manga #trimax spoilers #the tomorrows scene #nexa rambles #where are queue and i'm so sorry

[aboveweirdest]

Finished Trimax!! What the fuck was that, friends??? What was that!!!

#trigun #vash the stampede #wolfwood #vash #trimax #trigun maximum #trigun manga #nexa rambles

[aboveweirdest]

More musing about trimax below the cut

I can't stop thinking about when in Trimax Wolfwood points his gun at Vash from behind. What do you think is happening in Vash's head??? Cause everywhere else in Trigun Vash has so much awareness of his surroundings that he would know what's happening behind him, right?

So like.... do you think it's trust that WW won't pull the trigger? Giving him space to figure it out and accepting his decision? Like "if Wolfwood decides I'm too dangerous this isn't a bad way to go"? Or do you think that he's really just so secure in Wolfwood's presence that he drops that guard he normally has up?

But he doesn't turn around that's the thing!! I don't believe he doesn't know I mean look at this panel

That's a man who knows he has a gun to his back and it's his closest friend with his finger to the trigger. God i'm not putting all my thoughts into the right words but like. UGH. I want inside his head in this scene. Is it more self-sacrificing bullshit? Is it something leaning more towards suicidal tendencies? Or is it more to do with their particular relationship??? IS IT AN OPTION I'M NOT EVEN THINMING ABOUT? IS IT ALL OF IT?

His face says so much but i need to crawl into his chest about this. I have so many feelings and I haven't articulated any of them correctly but I had to tryyyy

Mkay back to gnawing through the walls of my enclosure

Edit/addition: after talking to a friend i realized i forgot to consider how Vash wouldn't allow himself to be killed before facing Knives. Somehow that makes this worse to me?? Like he'd let Wolfwood hurt him just like he's let so many other people do the same. Another scar to add to the collection. He wouldn't even fight back. God, I have so many feelings

#trigun #vash the stampede #wolfwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #trimax #trigun maximum #vash #vashwood #trigun manga #trimax spoilers #nexa rambles #i'm posting this in hopes that someone can word this better than me #my feelings are too big for words #aaaaahhhhhh #where are queue and i'm so sorry

[aboveweirdest]

I have such specific feelings about Vash in all his different versions.

98 Vash, I want to wrap that man in a blanket. Some bubble wrap maybe. Keep him safe, give him forehead kisses. Have him pin me against a wall

Tristamp Vash!!!! I wanna hug him til he loves himself (so forever) and ruffle his hair. He's babygirl. Less innocently i want to fuck him, but can you fucking blame me?????

Trimax Vash. Now that man. I want him to fuck me. But first i need him in AA and like two (2) decades of therapy. I am so worried about him. Baby you're not okay. Holy fucking shit my guy

(My feelings for Wolfwood are entirely consistent. I just so desperately want to be the Punisher. The way he holds that thing is ridiculous.)

#trigun #trigun stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #wolfwood #trigun wolfwood #vash #vash the humanoid typhoon #vash the stampede #vash the babygirl #tristamp #trimax #trigun maximum #trigun 98 #nexa rambles

[aboveweirdest]

One thing that I really love that Trigun does is not making Knives into Vash's literary foil. At first glance it seems like he is and it would be the easy thing to do. I mean, making twins into foils for each other?? It's kind of the obvious way to go.

Nightow didn't do that though, instead he made them opposites. This is reenforced in their appearances, namely their opposing beauty marks. In Stampede it's incredibly obvious in the literal mirror image they have in their sprout days. Where Vash loves humanity and fights to protect them, believes in them, Knives hates them. Wants to exterminate them, thinks they only run on greed, blah blah blah, if you're reading this you know his whole deal already. They are opposites for sure, but that's not what a foil is.

His true foil, as we all know, is Wolfwood. I feel like this is also fairly obvious, but I'll go over it briefly anyway.

Wolfwood and Vash both have something to protect and very different ideas of how to achieve that. They have similar senses of justice, with a grey area around killing bad guys of course. They are foils in the way that they reflect each other, show what each could be like were their circumstances different.

Absolutely none of this is groundbreaking, lol, I am very aware. I'm just pointing it out because I love that Nightow didn't go the obvious route. Instead he made Knives a complete opposite and Wolfwood a proper foil. I think it's a really fun way to eek even more character (read: angst, emotion, inner turmoil) out of Vash. It brings so much more out of him, I think. Being faced with not only a diametrically opposed twin brother, but also someone who makes him reconsider his morals is just so much more interesting than if Knives were the foil! In fact, Wolfwood would likely not exist as a character if Knives were the foil. If that role were filled, his character would have significantly less meaning.

ANYWAY!!! I can't stop thinking about Trigun, I don't even know if this is anything or if I'm just stating the obvious. It's just something I like! 😊

#nexa rambles #trigun #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #wolfwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #trimax #trigun maximum #vash #tristamp #knives #nai #nai trigun #millions knives #where are queue and i'm so sorry

[aboveweirdest]

Hope yall fuckers are ready for me to be even less normal about Vash the Stampede

#trigun #vash the stampede #vash #trimax #trigun maximum #nexa rambles #him telling knives to kneel??????? #sir??????? #sign me up??? #where are queue and i'm so sorry

[aboveweirdest]

Working with an orchestra tonight, what instruments do you think the Trigun gang would play??? I kinda wanna make Vash a flute or clarinet but that's just cause i was a woodwind in hs

#trigun #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #wolfwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #trimax #trigun maximum #vash #tristamp #nexa rambles #are clarinets even in an orchestra??? #i know flutes are #idk i haven't played an instrument in an ensemble in 7 yrs

[aboveweirdest]

*scratching at the screen of my phone cause i set Vash as my background and he makes me feel things*

#trigun #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #trimax #trigun maximum #vash #tristamp #nexa rambles #where are queue and i'm so sorry

[aboveweirdest]

Have successfully dragged my best friend into this Trigun hellscape. There have been very loud emotions about the ending of Trigun '98. There have been plots to ruthlessly murder both Knives and Legato. There has been MUCH thirsting over vashwood and also crying over vashwood.

I'm thriving. My crops are watered. I'm entirely ignoring canon to pretend that everyone is so happy

I'm so sorry for the pain i have brought upon you my friend, but you must suffer with me

#trigun #vash the stampede #trigun stampede #wolfwood #trimax #nicholas d. wolfwood #vash #trigun maximum #tristamp #trigun manga #nexa rambles

[aboveweirdest]

Watching Trigun Stampede is like.... damn this dude has a real fucked up brother

Watching Trigun 98 is just Why can't this bitch get a break???!! Oh shit evil twin

But the entirety of Trimax just consists of going Knives????? What the actual fuck???? On repeat until you die

#trigun #vash the stampede #trigun stampede #vash #trimax #trigun maximum #tristamp #knives #millions knives #nexa rambles #what is this man doing jesus christ #where are queue and i'm so sorry

[aboveweirdest]

You know. I probably should have realized something was up with my neuros when i started getting really anxious about where to look while i was walking in middle school. That's not a very neurotypical thing to do 😬

#nexa rambles #adhd #autism #like maybe #probably #it has been suggested by professionals #undiagnosed adhd #it's diagnosed now tho lol #at 24 finally #undiagnosed autistic #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #where are queue and i'm so sorry

[aboveweirdest]

Guuyysss i'm gonna have a house before i'm 25!!! I thought i would unalive myself before 25 and it's literally only a few months away.

It gets better!! It does 🎉🎉

#nexa rambles #cw depression #unalive #it really does get better #it doesn't feel like it will #but i promise!!! #you never know what the future holds #everything is temporary #i'm an entirely different person than i was back then

[aboveweirdest]

Absolutely no one asked, but people/characters who are like "love is just a chemical reaction in your brain it doesn't mean anything" blow my fucking mind

Yes my friend. Everything that we do is chemical reactions. Like literally all the shit you do is powered by a blob of meat in your head that runs on chemical reactions and like. Neurons and shit (i haven't taken a science class in over 5 yrs leave me alone)

Like pain is just your nerve endings reacting to external stimulus, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt if you fall down a flight of stairs. If you wanna be cynical, i'm not gonna stop you but pick a better reason

#nexa rambles #idk where this came from #but every few months or so it bops around in my head #so now you have to deal with it #what i didn't say at that last line #was just say you're scared of emotional vulnerability #and the thought of giving someone the power to hurt you #but that would be #rude #but also maybe you're aro that's cool too #keep doing your thing #but pick a better talking point #that's all #where are queue and i'm so sorry

[aboveweirdest]

The one thing i do miss, now that i'm in a long term relationship and married, is the feeling of falling in love. It was so fun and nerve-wracking and exciting!

But like.... i also get to fall in love with the little things about him now. The stuff that only comes out when you've lived together for years and supported each other through hard times. And a pandemic, the hardest of times.

I dunno there's no real lesson here i've just been thinking about how love never stops

#nexa rambles #god i'm sorry i'll stop being soft now #back to your regularly scheduled trigun content #uuGgggGgGGHhh #where are queue and i'm so sorry