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#n i dont even mean 2 talk i jst mean physically
wxrblxr · 2 years
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idk anymore
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roseamongroses · 4 years
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Antithesis: “what do you have? “ I have a kNIFE” “NO”
[Specific-Summary]: They should expect growing pains. For not everything to feel right or make sense. That doesn't mean it'll always hurt, nor does it mean they can't have fun along the way. It's senior year. Everything may be different. It won't be senior year for long. Everything will be okay.
[General Warnings]: Implied Emotional Abuse, Implied Physical Abuse, Bad Parents are Bad Parents, Mild Sexual Content/jokes,Mentioned Homophobia, Mentions of underage drinking (backround), Some Catcalling,Cursing , Self Hate,implied pregnancy talk/inability to become pregnant, adults arguing where the “kid” can hear it, adults drinking,
[Tags/mood:] highschool au,  fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters]Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana) Remus “The Duke” Sanders (minor/brief)
(Ao3) (Previously)
(8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15)
(16) (17) (18) 
L: I May Have Lost Roman
V: nice
P: not nice :)
V: i feel vaguely threatened
Rem:@L how the fuck did you manage that Rem: nvm i know how just give me details
L:I don’t know ? One second we were at check out L: Next minute he was Gone and Nieve is looking suspicious
L:Hold on lemme ask Dmitri
V: why is he there
L: I mean he’s actually pretty chill L: But he dropped Roman off and Nieve got attached L:I’m...not sure if she’s planning on letting him go?
V:logan, my friend, my buddy, V:the only person in this chat with basic reading comprehension
Rem: that’s pretty fair
P: it really is tbh
V: Send. Pictures.
L: Okay L: Slight Issue
V: you lost the snake too
L: I lost Dmitri too and Nieve is not spilling
Rem: oh they’re defeinately fucking
L:...Where? The bathroom?
Rem: Don’t knock it till you try it ;)
V: not to be that guy but im vetoing this discussion V: cause thats a Yikes even for you Remy
L: Alright time to find them
Rem: check ;))) the;))) bathrooms ;;))))
L: Remy.
Rem: alrighlright too far ill stop
L: Thank you.
V: keep me updated V: i only have silence and physics homework as company
L:Huh L:Found them
L: Roman….found a katanna…
V: im sorry WHAT V: Why The Fuck Does He Have A Sword
Rem: drop the location of that store man
L: 1) It’s a Katanna L: 2)I will certainly Not. L: 3) He’s trying to convince Dmitri why he should have it
L…..and Dmitri looks more amused then concerned
V: if I can't have a tarantula he sure as hell cant have a sword
L:I told him it was probably fake/ poorly made and that he should take the time to invest the proper skill in money in a real one
V: goddamit logan you cant logic roman.
L: It worked. He put it back. L: So I say I can do what I want with roman
Rem: some spicy takes from the chats only brain cell ;)
---
“So you’re turning eighteen, in a few months. ” His aunt said, dabbing her cheeks with a napkin. She still managed to hold an air of prestige despite getting utterly shitfaced the night before. Her appointments have been going well.
Dmitri looked up, masking his surprise and holding his tongue.
Dr. Montag looked over, quieting the running water and placing the dish was he was cleaning down, “Really?” he said, brushing his hands, “You got any plans?” he asked, Dmitri.
“Oh we usually do something small,” His aunt interjected, “But seeing as he’s my father’s favorite grandchild,” Only grandchild, “He’s is flying from Paris to join us. And he was never a man of modesty so I’ve been thinking about doing something special for the occasion.”
Oh.
Dmitri fought the smile creeping on his face, ducking his head. He shouldn’t be surprised that she remembered after all if his grandfather was visiting. It’s how he got his phone, laptop, his car.
It’s probably why she puts up with him, to begin with. Cause it wasn’t guilt.
“--We should get your hair cut,” She continued, and Dmitri snapped out of his thoughts, “Maybe invite Diana--he’d like her,” she murmured.
“Diana and I a-” He closed his mouth, and his aunt’s eyes shot over.
“You broke up?” She narrowed her eyes, examining her nails, “Huh, makes sense seeing as...” she gestured at him vaguely, “So who have you been sneaking around with?”
“I’m not sneaking around with anyone,” Dmitri said, meeting her gaze. And technically he was right, it’s not sneaking if she just hasn’t been asking. And he’s given up on telling.
Dr. Montag’s eyebrows knitted together confused,” Well that isn’t true,”
Dmitri’s eyes went wide, stomach sinking.
His Aunt’s grin spread, “Oh really?”
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck--
“He’s been helping me out, hon,” Dr. Montag set down a glass of water and pills beside her plate, “You’ve been so stressed lately,” he looked guilty and produced some tickets, “I thought I’d surprise you.”
Her face softened and like that the tension left the room. Those two got to linger in whatever lovey-dovey spell had taken hold of them in the last few months, but Dmitri was still on edge.
She still kept him on edge, but he could get her back. Even the playing field. Anytime he could leave this—Anytime he could flip this switch and put her on edge and make her—
He stopped eating, setting his plate aside.
He felt sick.
---
R:helllloooo R:anyone up R: sigh R: allll by mySELLLLF
L: Roman?
R: the one and lonely yes hello human contact???
L: Are you alright? It’s 3 am why are you still awake?
R: why are YOU up mm????
L: My parents have newborn twins. What’s your excuse?
R: well fuck got me there
R: i was texting dee but he was rlly tired and i stILL can’t sleep
L: Any particular reason?
R: u m
L: Private chat?
R: please
- [TheTruthAboutTheMoon]
TheWalkingMouth: Okay shoot
Cowboy:it's stupid
TheWalkingMouth: I’ll tell you if it's stupid or not just say it
Cowboy: i just….like Cowboy: it's all kinda….hitting me a ll at once and i Really don’t like thinking about it but i cant bottle shit up either like you bastards so i feel like the human equivelent og a washing machine with too much laundry in it
TheWalkingMouth: Then don’t? TheWalkingMouth: Even if it's too ‘stupid’ for me I’m sure Dmitri wouldn’t mind
Cowboy: yeah but i feel like im going to say something shitty to him i Cowboy: like we should talk about it Cowboy: and i will Cowboy: but not now--later when it's not too stressful for either of us
TheWalkingMouth: Why would you say something shitty?
Cowboy: idk id jst get frustrated trying to explain it Cowboy: like hes smart as hell and probbaly get it without me saying anything but like Cowboy: I have neither the patience nor articulation right now to explain like a civil person and he doesnt need me being shitty about it
Cowboy:like,,,,,for example,,,,, if he fucks up in school, he’ll get recommended a tutor and teachers would assume hes doing his best and hes such a sweet and quiet boy
Cowboy: like he is sweet!!but hes a little shit too!! And gets away with it!!! Half those pranks he pulled on virgil, as Iconic as they were he never got in trouble for them!!!
Cowboy: when i fuck up i
Cowboy: god it's stupid
TheWalkingMouth: Might not get a second chance? Yeah I get it.
TheWalkingMouth:Remember when I first transferred here? None of the teachers would take me seriously bc of my accent and if they did, they were afraid of me. I could repeat something another kid said word for word and still be told I had an attitude.
Cowboy: god i remembered that Cowboy: you answered his yes or no questions in a fuckin montone, quiet ass voice and he legit called in the office cause he got scared of a goddamn freshman
Cowboy: But ye when i fuck up Cowboy: im suddenly the lazy ass brown kid who should spend less time corrupting youth with my feminine hips and curls Cowboy: like it's not like a lot of them say it outright but it feels like if im not perfect im fufilling all the stereotypes
TheWalkingMouth: Ah okay, rant away
Cowboy: OK like like like im not like virgil right?? in a lot of ways and it fuckin shows
Cowboy: he’s been planning on going into engineering since sixth grade meanwhile i only got my shit together in highschool
Cowboy: and like now that im here/???what now??? My mother expects me to have my shit together meanwhile im over here freaking the fuck out over whether not it's worth it to even try Cowboy: like yes mother i want to go to an art/or librel arts school that may or may not accept me that we may or may not afford to find a career in who the hell knows because if i have to sit in a healthcare class or a applied mathmatics class like you did i miight actually shank the professor????
Cowboy: that i dread the thought of not trying to explore my options outside of this fucking state but i dread the thought of going bc i cant stand the thought of being away from home but i cant fucking find a reason to stay cause everyone i love is leaving or planning their own life anyway???
Cowboy: like remys gunna fuck off to who knows where regardless of whether or not he has a plans or money, pattons gunna take care of his grandmother whereever the fuck a canada ,moms moving in with tia, virgils already mentally flipping me off ready to fuck nasa , and i only fucking hope dmitri even getss the chance to choose where he goes but hes g o n e and i die from yearning behind a screen like the gay victorian i am , and you….i actually dont know
TheWalkingMouth: Teaching for either biology or physics
Cowboy: huh it fits but what about chemistry??
TheWalkingMouth: Fuck chemistry.
Cowboy: oh thank god we’re on the same page
TheWalkingMouth: Anyway, I assume you’re more worried about whether you should apply rather then if you could get in?
Cowboy: i think so
TheWalkingMouth: Well if my opinion means anything to you
Cowboy: more than you’re assuming but yeah continue
TheWalkinMouth: Wait
Cowboy: nothing nothing continue
TheWalkingMouth: Okay-- I think you should go for it but you don’t need to dive head first into it and commit to everything 100% like virgil did.
TheWalkingMouth: You’re allowed to keep your options open, to have backup plans for back up plans
TheWalkingMouth: It doesn’t mean you’re not passionate about your art. Doesn’t mean you’re inevitably going to get a office job and abandon all your dreams. It means you’re being smart and not backing yourself into a corner
TheWalkingMouth:It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay not to have it all figured out
TheWalkingMouth: Nobody does.
TheWalkingMouth: Even if no one else gives you a second chance at least give yourself a second chance.
TheWalkingMouth: It’s perfectly normal to be afraid to fuck up and get fucked over TheWalkingMouth: That doesn’t mean you will everytime TheWalkingMouth: And it certainly doesn’t mean it's the end
Cowboy:
Cowboy:
Cowboy:
[...Cowboy is typing…]
---
@daflangstlairde
@ace-anx
@cataclysm-al
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oatmilking · 7 years
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Ive lost my interest in calligraphy lol i mean its nice n i still like it but i dont enjoy it as much as b4 (im talking abt my chinese calligraphy post) ive lost interest in learning chinese i dont think i wanna b a chinese lang major i wanna do art rn ... but ik ill change my mind again bc deep down i feel like im uncapable of everything i doubt myself so much 2 the extent i cant have any skills bc i lose my confidence n passion abt it since i tell myself im shitty no matter wht i do . Idk wht my talents r bc under pressure i perform Horribly regardless of the type of the problem n its rooting from my deadly anxiety 1 day my heart wont b able 2 go on n will jst stop ... changing my preference shld b a normal thing ig but i feel like im wasting time n im unwillingly a disappointment 2 my family even if they say otherwise ... i feel like a freeloader ....... mayb i dont even wanna do uni anymo but i have nothing 2 rely on other than my brain im uncapable of doing physical work if u kno wht i mean .... im slo clumsy n fat lol but im not tht smart either thts why i dont fit in w the uni smort ppl .... or mayb im in the bad major which i kno i am actually but idk if itll b better sumwhere else ....... if i become an art major then ill feel ulterior bc every1s art is lightyrs better than mine if i stay science major every1 will better @ maths n every logical shit (but no way i stay a science major so)
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