#my stuff dazakuatsu

[chouetteffraie]

campanula heart [dazakuatsu]

A gift for my wife, who provides for me in the driest, most trying of times uwu

I’m sorry it’s so late!! I am an entire mess and I don’t know why I am like this but! I got it done uwu

“Campanula[s] [bellflowers] represent...gratitude, humility, attractiveness and everlasting love.”

-

"I respectfully request that you leave this relationship.”

“What?” Atsushi wasn’t certain he had heard Akutagawa correctly. However, the dagger-like scowl Akutagawa gave him as he leaned against the fridge confirmed that, whatever was said, it was not intended to be friendly. The only thing preventing Atsushi from standing still in shock and confusion was the plastic bag digging in to his fingers, weighed down by the groceries he had just been sent to get. He set them on the table before asking for clarification again.

“I think it’d be best if you left this relationship,” Akutagawa repeated, expression as blank as usual.

Atsushi didn’t understand. He had thought that, at this point in their time together, he and Akutagawa had reached a sort of agreement. Over the months of trying to navigate this relationship, dealing with Dazai’s antics and, more recently, living under the same roof as each other, Atsushi was beginning to think that Akutagawa really was becoming an ally. Being greeted by an order to leave was not what he expected.

Akutagawa’s refusal to elaborate was bringing out a defensive streak in Atsushi. “Why would I do that?” He returned, starting to put away the groceries.

“You aren’t appreciating Dazai enough. I refuse to stand by and let my boyfriend-”

“Our boyfriend,” Atsushi interrupted, already having tuned out to most of Akutagawa’s monologue. He could see Akutagawa glare at him from the corner of his eye before turning up his nose to him in an act of haughtiness.

“-be taken for granted on a daily basis,” Akutagawa finished. “So, rationally, you must leave.”

Atsushi all but scoffed, fiddling with the can in his hands and trying not to sass Akutagawa out of the house. He certainly could, and part of him was convinced he should, but he knew that having a pouting Akutagawa and exasperated Dazai wouldn’t be a pleasant predicament to be in. “What makes you think I don’t appreciate Dazai?”

“Well, half the time you’re with him, all you do is scold him and tell him what to do! He doesn’t need someone harping on him constantly!”

“I scold him because he’s trying to end his life all the time! Maybe if I had a little backup, I wouldn’t have to be on his case all the time!”

“What good would that do? Neither of you ever listen to me!” Akutagawa snaps, crossing his arms. When Atsushi pulls back with an expression of shock, Akutagawa tilted his head so he could look down his nose at Atsushi in faux arrogance. After a beat of silence, Akutagawa added quietly, “None of us are very good at sharing our affection. One of us is bound to leave, and I don’t want it to be me.”

Any display of vulnerability coming from the Akutagawa Ryunosuke was a rare sight indeed. Even for Atsushi, who spent a large portion of his free time with the man, hearing a confession of such genuine emotion was enough to make him stop in his tracks. It was hard to be mad at Akutagawa, especially considering how hard he’s worked to ‘earn his keep’ in the relationship. 

He was the black sheep, in a way, what with working in the mafia away from Dazai and Atsushi. He was the one who was put down by both of them when he first met Atsushi, told he was less than Dazai’s new student and beaten by Dazai before that. Atsushi was embarrassed to find he hadn’t exactly stopped looking down on Akutagawa. Old habits died hard, and Atsushi’s tendency to view Akutagawa as a criminal over the troubled man Dazai talked so highly of behind his back hadn’t ebbed over time. If anything, he was the one who wasn’t putting enough effort into the relationship, not Akutagawa. The shame rose up to color his face pink, all the way to the tip of his ears.

With a sigh, Atsushi put the can on the table. “How about you help me with dinner?” Atsushi asked. “I think we have enough to make him something really nice. And we can eat it all together. It’s been a while since we’ve done that.”

Akutagawa’s glance out of the corner of his eye only sent a message of a single word: doubtful. Atsushi added, “You can be in charge of dessert. I’ll help you if you need it, but you can take all the credit.”

There was a moment of silence before Akutagawa finally caved. “I don’t think I’ll need your help,” he snapped, but the slight twitch at the corner of his lips told Atsushi his bite was in jest.

Mostly.

-

A thin tendril of Rashomon snuck back to Akutagawa’s coat as he coughed in his hand, both to ease the tickle in his chest and hide his nerves. Atsushi gave him a grateful look for preventing the plates on the counter from crashing down and readjusted the pile while Akutagawa fiddled with the table settings. He usually wasn’t the one to do something so domestic for anyone but his sister- normally, a dinner date that was his responsibility was held at a posh restaurant he could pay off for their silence on his identity. He had no experience setting up a nice meal at home- any chance he got to cook was normally quick and thoughtless before he tried to get some sleep. Now, though, he wasn't sure what to think. Would Dazai like it? Did everything look alright? He hated this uncertainty gnawing at his stomach.

Atsushi leaned over the table and placed a lot in the middle, bumping Akutagawa with his shoulder as he tugged the pot holders off his hands. "Hey. I wouldn't worry about it. Dazai will eat anything if you ask him to."

"What makes you say that?"

"You think he'd keep either of us around if he didn't have a soft spot for us?" Atsushi asks. "I can't say I haven't been jealous of how highly he regards you."

Akutagawa nodded, silent. There were a million things he could've said: He thinks of you the same way, or I understand that feeling, or maybe even perhaps we should get over this rivalry, a real relationship with you doesn't sound too bad. He knows that Atsushi understands, at least somewhat.

The front door slams shut and an exuberant shout filled the apartment. "My, my, it smells delicious in here! Has Atsushi made me dinner?" Dazai asks. When he peers in the kitchen, though, he lets out a delighted gasp. "And Akutagawa? Did I forget my own birthday?"

"We told you you were the only one who worked today," Atsushi chided, sliding over to make room for Dazai as he slung an arm over both him and Akutagawa.

"Well, it looks amazing," Dazai complimented. "Thank you, Atsushi," he tilted his head to plant a kiss on the his forehead before turning his attention to the other man beside him. "Ryuu~" he added, granting him a kiss with a teasingly devious smile spread across his features. Nobody misses the uncharacteristic bashful tint coloring his cheeks pink as he looked away, practically boring a hole into the table with his gaze.

"Yeah. Thank you, Ryuunosuke," Atsushi addressed. The color on Akutagawa's pale skin deepened.

"It was nothing," he mumbled, before he said indignantly, "What're you laughing at, Dazai?"

The chest he was leaning on had been bouncing with laughter, eventually spasming so violently the two men had to pull away. Dazai doubled over in laughter, hand clutching his chest as if it hurt. That was the thing, though: he felt no pain, only a fullness that made him want to cry, laugh and vomit at the same time. It seemed that laughter was the least concerning option for him to take.

"Are you okay?" Atsushi finally asked, helping guide Dazai to straighten out. Through deep heaves trying to catch his breath, Dazai nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I just...lets eat before dinner gets cold, yeah?"

The three of them, together, getting along. It was a surprising sight for anybody who may have caught a glimpse, even for the three involved. But Dazai could only feel grateful for his companions, noting their smiles at him and each other.

It was nothing, Akutagawa had said. He didn't know how wrong he was.

To Dazai, at least, this was everything.

#did this turn into mostly shin soukoku? kinda #i tried and i hope you like it aldkf #dazakuatsu #dazai x atsushi x akutagawa #my stuff #my stuff dazakuatsu #dazai #akutagawa #atsushi #dazai osamu #nakajima atsushi #akutagawa ryunoske #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #my stuff bsd