#my pinky is nothing but mush rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

toruvi · 2 years

Note

Ley! Ley! I’m just so sgisiskandlsjekksnddm. The whole time I was reading the chapter I was smooshing my face against my phone! I kept going from holding back tears to trying not to giggle like a school girl! It was an emotional overload! This chapter killed me. I couldn’t handle how touching it was.

Levi opening up just a little more and kissing your hand! I just died at all the hand attention in this chap. Also 🥺 holding you while you ugly cry. And that meltdown the reader had hit so close to home, I felt so exposed reading that! and then Levi just encouraging reader to be happy. Like your cracking my fucking heart open like an egg. It’s just making a gooey mess here.

How scared Levi was. Like how he keeps reminding himself that he has to TRY. He has to open up because what’s even worse then being rejected is losing whatever it is that you let him have bdkkshdkshejemksjensn

But I love how reader had no idea what the tattoo meant! Like low key if that was me id be like ??? I wasn’t teasing your tits this whole time cause what? of a tattoo? Sounds like wasted time to me. (I’m sorry I have to use humor to deflect how much this made me feel.) Also just getting to wash with Levi and molding yourself to him and him feeling skin on a place he hasn’t allowed almost like a form of punishment! But reader is so tender with him!

Laying with him in bed and just talking was so therapeutic. Like this whole chapter was! It was like taking the biggest breath of fresh air. Also my money is his first love being Furlan. But I just love how open he was in this chapter and just while being open with the reader is easier than other people it’s still a choice. One he’s not taking lightly. I’m just laying on the floor trying to keep it together while he opens up more and more. Also how reader checks if what he’s doing is normal for these arrangements and it’s not but they can’t let themselves hope or assume!

But then the domestic day! Ley! Ley! I’m turning to mush with all this fluff. I can’t tell you how many times I re-read breakfast with Levi. Making sure he doesn’t fall off the ladder like it’s nothing but it’s something. Its everything! It’s showing the reader cares! Without even thinking she’s takes care of him! And he’s not had that since his mom! Where someone cares about him and doesn’t make him feel like it’s a chore- HES A CHORE. or even something that can be compromised. It just is!

The nail! I’m just 🥺. THE NAIL MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN THE FIANL NAIL IN MY COFFIN. Babygirl him. He deserves it. He needs to be loved and wanted and treated so tenderly. Specking of tenderly the soft touches from playing with his sleeve to the creasing the hip. It’s so SO MUCH. It’s got so much MUCH-NESS! Like the way this chapter made my heart explode and even thinking back on it my chest is filling and I’m smiling. But you sent me to Nirvana when he asked the reader to stay! 😍

CHRIS!!!!!!!! I've grown obsessed with writing about hands and perhaps I've gone a bit overboard at times but AHDFJ

He appreciates her so much :( can't even handle losing the hold on her hand for a second. Can't even deal with the fact that she might be mad at him :(((( He is baby. Precious baby boy :(

YOUR BIT ABOUT THE TATTOO HAHA. I totally get you omg dfhjskdjfh WASTED TIME LMAO pleaaaseee. dfkjhsdf Idly chatting in bed is just gfjkddfhjgnj the cuddling..low voices and whispers :(( it makes me melt. It makes me so soft help. INTERESTINGGGG theory with Farlan hehe so I'm hearing a few for Erwin and then a couple for Farlan...very interesting...

FDGHDFJKGH I wanted to cry over the ladder part just bc.. :(( the first time reader was on the ladder and Levi helped her and now :(( SHE'S doing it for him AGH <333 THE CHORE OH MY GOD I'm on the verge of tears rn Chris, it's like you KNOW what I'm going for so well istg you're in my brain!!! ;;;;;;;;

THE NAILLLLLLLLLL IS MY FAAAVEEEEEEEEEEE <3 Just seeing a glimpse of a tiny lil shiny gem on his pinky when he's pulling out his phone or something SOBBINGGG. (I was dying to keep writing past the last line but I will save more for the upcoming chapters dhfjsjkghfkjg)

CHRIS. THANK YOU SO much for such thoughtful inputs and comments as always. THey always mean so much to me. I truly smiled so so much while reading it. Ilu ;; <33333 thank you for reading <3333

#pwasoi.ask

8 notes · View notes

lesoleilxjulien · 6 years

Text

tokyo - alternate ii.

Jerome would just be staring at his nose or something as he tries to calm himself down but it doesn't work. It never works. He always has a hard time calming his heart when he's close to Julien because even though he isn't looking in his eyes, he is still hyper aware that he's right there, in arms reach, so close. He keeps trying, his breath slow and quiet but audible in the quiet room as he did. But then he feels Julien hand moving over his side till it rests on his hip. And it allows a shiver to follow the movement and allows Jerome's eyes to flick up and stare directly back into the eyes he drowned in before, not even noticing the lip bite in that moment. His eyes are slightly wider now but not in fear or anything but in wonder. The question barely registers in his mind as he just watches, too focused on what is happening now and how its making him feel. His heart is beating so fast now and whilst he could barely sleep alone, he wonders if he'd sleep better or worse with the proposition of Julien holding him through the night. Hint; it's both. He can't seem to speak again, not able to admit verbally that yes he can hold him, and that he can do so much more. So he just lays there in silence for a slight while before daring to let the hand that previously found home under his cheek to lay between their chests on the mattress, fingers curling into the fabric as his eyes close and nodding just a bit.

And tbh Julien waits for that cue that it's okay to hold him. His hand remains on Jerome's hip, just over the inked skin and fabric and he watches for anything from him. And when he finally sees the nod, Julien lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Okay..." he'd murmur softly, moving in and gently wrapping his arms around Jerome before wiggling closer. He'd tilt his head, pressing a kiss to Jerome's forehead before sighing softly. "Get some sleep, okay? It's all over. We'll be home tomorrow." And he'd make sure the covers were up and Jerome is warm ok ;;;;

Ohmygod. That kiss. But first Julien would wrap his arms around Jerome and he doesn't know how he can feel anything more but he can't help melting in the embrace. His pinky finger hitting the fabric of Juliens (or his rather but-) shirt when he moves closer and he has his eyes closed so he purely relies on the sounds, the way the mattress moves, the heat that radiates from the other suffocating him further. So he doesn't expect the kiss and you can hear the way his breath hitches when he feels the soft lips press against his forehead. Three of his five fingers would lift from the mattress to curl into the shirt for a moment before the kiss ended and they return to curl into the fabric that decorated the mattress. His cheeks now painted with a slight hue of red as he feels his heart in his throat. He listens to Juliens words but all that happens in his mind is the thought that he wants to fall asleep like this always. Warm. Safe. He feels safe. Like whatever pain he felt for his ex in the loneliness of the hotelroom washed away slowly the moment he opened the door. Like she doesn't exist in the moment as a source of his anguish, but as a vessel that lead him in this position in the first place. They'd be laying so close and Julien would probably feel Jerome's breath against his skin. He still says nothing but his reactions say enough. RIP. their noses would probably brush together when Julien would lean back down after kissing his forehead because Jerome is nodding again and NDNJDJS yo what the fuck. im hurt?

Oh my god this is so soft and I'm turning into mush. Jerome is soft and ugh Julien gets worried when Jerome is vulnerable like this but he just wants to protect him from everything;; tbh their noses brush and they're curled up with each other and Julien's forehead gently rests against Jerome's for a moment before he rests his head on the pillow, faces a few centimeters away from each other. It's comfortable for both of them, it's warm and it's like they're tucked away from the rest of the world in this little bed. Julien can finally find himself drifting off to sleep too. It's so soft I'm so hurt rn?

I feel he'd wake up more when Juliens lips would connect to to his cheek, eyes fluttering open after he'd groan softly from the lack of sleep. He'd turn his head when Julien would pull away and due to the lack of light the red hue on his cheeks would go unnoticed. The sigh would be heard though, almost dreamy in nature after his cheek would connect to the pillow again. Yo but. Jerome can feel it. Like he knows Jules cares for him and that makes his heart beat, but how he's being now he /feels/ it. And its overwhelming. But somewhere deep down he accepts it. He just needs to realize he does.

Yes exactly. And if he doesn't want to talk about it julien won't push and "when you're ready, don't worry about it for now..." while patting Jerome's thigh bc as much as Julien wants to hear it, he doesn't want to push. But oh my god, I can't wait to see what she does. I mean I'm so sad that Jerome is crying in his hotel room but ;;;; and tbh Julien is kind of wondering where he is bc the soloists can't exactly just hang out with their members, and he's pretty sure he's managed to attach himself to like five groups at this point. But just getting a text response from Jerome is all he's looking for at that point. Just that he's alive, and okay.

ok but honestly jerome comes back to the hotel SO LATE like too late its almost moRNING and he had been with Dax and he probably told Julien at some point he was going out and even jokingly told him not to be jealous but Dax comes back and Jerome doesn't. Jerome is with Marie somewhere (NO SPOILERS BUT IS UPSET OVER THE FACT JEROME IS NOT SMART W HIS DECISION MAKINGS) and his phone is forgotten in his pocket as he tightens his jaw and listens to her speak and omg bruh JEROME. i feel so bad for my beautiful son what did i do.

OMG NO. He sees Dax come back and "where's Jerome?" And dax just gives a shrug and "idk he left with some woman" and Julien's heart just s i n k s. He goes back to his room and he'd be unable to sleep honestly. And he can't even cry to his cat bc miso is back home so he just ;;;;; /curls up in bed and hopes to hear something. RIP

BUT OMG JULIEN BABY NO. It's such lack of information because Dax literally knows jack shit too (Blake and I actually mused that Dax is like actively encourage Jerome to talk to her bc he doesnt know anything and shes been eyeing him the whole night whilst Jerome is in cold sweat the second he noticed her. So when they leave together he just thinks Jerome has scored.) MISO. honestly if Julien has amazing hearing he might hear him shuffling passed his door to his own room. He wouldn't hear anything from him until a few hours later and he just looks WRECKED and not okay and he's glaring at EVERYONE except Julien if he catches his eye.

Yes omg Julien is just like staring at Dax and he's quiet before nodding softly. "Okay." But ugh he probably would have great hearing bc of his bat ears but he wouldn't get up from his bed; he'd be sad. And the next morning Julien's eyes look just a little puffy but he wears his glasses instead and nobody really notices except for Jerome rly;;;;;;

But ohmygod I'm so trashed. Unconditional love. And Julien is so tiny and him being sad over the fact that maybe just maybe Jerome left with a random girl instead of coming back. And it wouldn't be weird to have those thoughts because seeing Jerome's rep? But then the next morning their eyes meet somewhere. Maybe at breakfast or leaving the rooms or in the lounge or anywhere. And its that second, that moment, that Jerome's mind just blanks from it's thoughts and /why does HE look like that? Has he cried?/ and its a quiet voice asking the questions but a voice non the less. Jerome honestly wouldn't know what to do because he's still shocked from the experience, still smells her perfume around him, still feels her hand on his wrist, but what's with Julien? Did he just not sleep well? Why does he look like that? So Jerome sputters for a moment after his gaze that went on for a bit longer than it should, making a beeline straight back up to his hotel room but not before passing Julien and touching his shoulder or arm gently, head turned away but the touch telling him to follow if he wants, or it's a comforting gesture, or an it's okay, or are you okay? The way his fingers linger it might as well be all of the above, an underlying tone of /Do you need me? Cause I need you/ accompanying the digits sliding over fabric before eventually disappearing and Jerome's heading for the elevator. /HE SAYS NOTHING BUT HE TELLS SM/

For a moment their gazes meet and Julien wants to look away bc he's a little upset but he can't. He tries to fake a smile, but he can't either. He stares, but his gaze has a mixture of emotions behind it that Jerome probably notices. And when Julien feels that hand on his arm he stills, gaze moving to look at the set of fingers that linger on his sleeve for a prolonged moment. When that touch is gone, Julien for a moment wants to stay with his feet planted, but a large part of him wants to follow and get his answer. After Jerome walks past, Julien's teeth are sinking into his lower lip before he clears his throat and turns, following Jerome to the elevator and stepping in next to him after the doors open. He's silent, almost sad, but keeps his gaze forward during the trip up in the elevator bc he wants to save the conversation for somewhere private ;;;;;;;

He would notice. It would spark that quiet voice to talking. When he'd notice Julien stepping inside with him, he feels something he doesn't know what to call. It's positive though, he thinks. And the elevator ride is agonizing. Because neither of them talk. Jerome ends up looking at him sometimes and Julien would feel the eyes on him but just as quickly he'd feel them, they'd be gone, Jerome's eyes to the floor. The doors would open they'd walk to the room. And Jerome fumbles with opening the door, almost reminiscent to the first time they met and Jerome was too drunk to get his card to work. Though this time he's sober but he's hungover just a bit, and more so he's tired, emotional, nervous. Very nervous. That positive feeling gone as they were so close to talking.

But omg;;; yes Julien can't look at him yet, he's still trying to wrap his head around it. And the elevator doors open and he follows Jerome out, only to see him fumbling with the key. Clearing his throat, Julien would reach out, hand lightly resting on Jerome's before he gently takes the key from his hand and slides it into the door. As the door opens, he'd hand the key back to Jerome, waiting for him to enter before he follows. "Late night?" he'd ask, voice soft and gaze averted, attempting conversation.

He touches his hand and Jerome just looks at him slightly before the door opens and the key is back in his hand. He wished the touch lingered, strangely enough, but he shakes it off and enters the hotel room, closing the door behind the two as Julien asks that. He hums in response, swallowing down the lump in his throat that was already forming afterwards as he half circles around him to pass him and walk to the nightstand, placing his key down there. He feels the rims of his eyes sting, the fact that he's back in the /comfort/ of his room allowing his body to let go again, not to mention Julien being here. He lets his tongue slide along the inside of his cheek, head tilting back slightly to stop himself from falling back to whatever he was a few hours ago. He stands next to the nightstand for a bit, eyes now staring at the key now as he thinks about what to say or what to do, if he should elaborate on his night or if he should ask Julien about why he looks like that. Or both. And ok let me set the scene in his hotelroom. It looks messy as hell, the bathroom door is half open from when Jerome tried to wash the perfume off his skin, his expensive shirt laid forgotten in the door opening, blankets half off the bed from Jerome's tossing and turning.

and omg Julien asks that bc he just wants to know if Jerome is dating the girl or not bc dax and the tabloids aren't helping but when he finally catches sight of the room he's a little... concerned. What even happened in the room? His gaze is looking at the blankets haphazardly on the bed, Jerome's shirt discarded on the floor, and his mind jumps to conclusions and thinks the worst. But his gaze finally returns to Jerome and he finally notices Jerome's body language, the way he looks like he's about to have a breakdown, and Julien's heart stops. He forgets about the girl for a moment, suddenly worried. "What happened?" He'd ask, shuffling over and grabbing Jerome by the shoulders. "Tell me;;"

Jerome doesn't turn around, not when Julien asks, nor does he answer the question. He's just standing in place staring at the key like it's the most interesting thing on the planet as he ponders over what to tell, what to admit. He can't tell him about Marie. He can't tell the contents of the conversation he had with her. Or conversations rather with the amounts of times he walked away from her and she persisting to keep talking. He can't tell him what she did to him, what he felt. So he stays silent, for a few moments, until he feels a hand on his shoulder and he turns his head to look at him. That positive feeling he felt before the elevator when Julien followed him in had disappeared like snow in front of the sun. Because even though he needs him, needs him a lot, he can't explain why he needs him. He can't give him the answer he's looking for. And you can see in the way he's looking at Julien that he's conflicted and nervous. "I..." He starts but never ends up finishing. His head turns back to the nightstand, repeating his unfinished sentence a few times before giving up, jaw tightening slightly as he feels a tear sliding along the rim of his eye, rolling over his cheek when he blinked and quickly wiped away before more would start to come.

But omg;;;; Julien is exhausted af but he can tell that something is very much wrong. He'd stand quietly, waiting for Jerome to answer his question, only to realize that the answer isn't coming. But that tear, that one single tear. Julien's heart would break. His heart would seize, and he'd want nothing more than to make it go away but also to actually fight whoever made the other like this. "Come here," he'd murmur, turning Jerome around and pulling him into his arms before resting Jerome's head on his shoulder. He'd be so worried honestly;;;;

But ;;; the second Julien turns him around and his head connects to his shoulder he lets himself go. It starts with a few sharp inhales, fingers grasping at the sides of Juliens shirt. He tries first to keep it in, wanting Julien to not be so worried. Wanting to ask him about why HE seemingly feels bad. But Julien feels so warm. So safe. His fingers would crawl to the back of his shirt, tightly holding onto him as he starts breaking down, starts crying against his neck, telling him between hitched breaths "I don't want her." repeated over and over again.

#&&. 2017.10;#&&. event: triple fantasy;#&&. verse: canon;

0 notes