Deception | Josh Kiszka X Reader | Part 2
Warnings: stalking behavior, gaslighting, anxiety, secrets, angst, lying, alcohol consumption, betrayal, blackmailing, guilt.
Word Count: 4.7K
Author's Note: This series has been heartbreaking, but so fun to write so far....oh, how I love to tear your hearts into itty bitty shreds! MUAHAHA
Summary: Be careful what you write, what you post, and who you know. One wrong move could bear severe consequences.
You weren’t used to functioning with spectators watching you. You couldn’t remain calm and collected in the eyes of others, especially those that you didn’t know. That was Josh’s specialty. His extraverted nature guaranteed ease of conversation with anyone; stranger or friend, Josh excelled at opening himself to them with little to no hesitation. Recently, you had become so guarded and paranoid, turning with every step you took, checking your phone constantly for another threatening text from your stalker. It had been a week, and you’d waited impatiently for the next unsettling message, but it never came. The mystery of it left your gut churning, the secret guilt rising in your throat like corrosive acid. Through the soft tinking of glasses, and Josh’s hand squeezing your thigh, you nursed yourself back into the light dinner conversation, scrambling for the important points of discussion so you could mask around everyone. You pasted on an unbothered expression and cleared your throat, reaching for your glass of wine. You felt Josh’s thumb spin slow, delicate circles into your thigh, and you knew that he was aware of your distance. He turned his gaze to you while the conversation continued and mouthed, “You okay?” You read his lips and nodded, thought the opposite was true.
“I’m fine. My stomach hurts,” You lied, placing your hand on top of his, feeling his thumb move to slide over one of your fingers.
He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on your temple, his hand moving to caress the small of your back. “I’m sorry, baby. We can leave in a minute or two, don’t worry.” You nodded, offering another gentle smile. In this restaurant, you felt on display despite the fact that no one in particular seemed to hone in their attention specifically to you. Jake, Jita and Sam were occupied within a discussion that must have been riveting, because Sam seemed to gesture excitedly about every five seconds, while Jake sat leaned forward in his seat, his thumb and forefinger pressed thoughtfully against his lips while Jita reclined back in her chair, chiming in when she saw fit. Danny had excused himself from the table a while ago to take a phone call.
Buzz.
“3998 Hillsboro Pike, Nashville, TN 37215 You look beautiful in that slutty dress, by the way.”
An address. You swallowed, a terrific wave of anxiety sizzling over your body like an encroaching wildfire. You flitted your head upward, peering beyond the table like helpless prey in the scope of a hunting rifle. Pulling up google, you typed in the address. The result appeared:
Santo: Greek, Mediterranean restaurant in the Greek Neighborhood, West Nashville.
Bile surged up your throat and into your mouth, soiling your tastebuds with acrid bitterness. You rose from the table, cringing from the sound your chair made as it scraped at the polished concrete floor.
“I don’t feel good. I’ll be right back,” you sputtered to Josh before quickly turning and rushing away, fully aware that everyone at the table was watching you.
You sheltered yourself inside the private bathroom, blessing the powers from above for granting you this one moment of relief. You forced yourself to breathe deeply, forcing the need to vomit back down your throat. Sitting on the toilet, you pulled the phone out and looked at the text message again.
“Who the fuck are you, and why are you following me?” You pressed send, feeling another rush of adrenaline roll through your body, inducing a thin layer of perspiration to pock the high points of your brow.
“Oh Y/n, you’re not quite as discrete as you think you are. I know who you are because you weren’t exactly hard to find.” You read the text immediately as it arrived, not daring to navigate away from this conversation. They weren’t done tormenting you, it seemed. You watched three dots bounce on your screen for what seemed like an eternity.
*Sent with invisible ink.*
It was a picture.
You hesitantly swiped at the screen, revealing the contents of the image. If you could have slithered and disappeared through the floor drain of this bathroom, you would have. It was a screenshot of your Tumblr page, decked out with scrolling pictures of Josh performing on stage, the main pinned quote on your page a salacious profession of what you would like to do to him if given the chance. At the time, it was innocent. A parasocial ‘what-if’ hyperfixation that sufficed as your escape from the mundanity of everyday life. Now, it had come back to terrorize you and jeopardize the one thing you held most dear. You held fast, preparing another text.
“So you have an old screenshot. So what? I privated my account.”
You waited for a long while, but when the three dots never appeared again, you rose from the toilet and washed your hands, not stopping to dry them. You let your fingertips drip, wiping them on your dress as you stepped back into the bustling dining room.
“We were just about to send a rescue team,” Sam said, turning in his seat. “Thought you got stuck in the toilet.”
“Hey, hey. Leave Y/n alone. The sight of you makes me nauseous too,” Jake retorted slyly. Usually you would have played the game with them both, but this new paranoia weighed you down like black tar, covering your body and soul in invisible filth. You couldn’t look anyone in the eye, especially not Josh. You would have to decide your next move quickly.
“Can I have some water?” You asked quietly to no one in particular, the dryness of your throat producing little more than a croak when you spoke. Jita reached immediately for her glass and poured more water from the carafe, standing up and moving around the table to approach you.
“You don’t look so good, babe,” She said gently, handing over the glass, her brows furrowing with concern as she lifted her hand to your forehead. “You’re not feverish, but you are clammy,” she said, her nurturing instincts taking over. As a medical professional, she knew how to triage, even in the middle of a fine-dining restaurant. You turned as you heard the familiar grinding of a chair against the floor. It shot spears of anxiety into your body. Josh stood up from his seat.
“Hey, hey, hey,” he said softly, quickly folding his cloth napkin and laying it on top of his plate. Side-stepping away from the table, he stepped toward you, his hands immediately finding somewhere on your body to caress, to protect. You’d never felt disgusting before, so ashamed of yourself as if you could taint anyone near with your presence. You cringed when you felt his touch. He was blissfully unaware of the terrible secret you had hidden so well. Until now.
Buzz.
“Wanna know a little secret I’m keeping, too?” Your screen illuminated in your hand, the newest notification sending shivers down your body from the top of your head, to your toes.
“Who’s that?” Josh asked casually, pulling you in and kissing your head as he reached for your purse from your seat, hanging the strap off of his shoulder.
Fuck. He saw the message. You decided to play it off, standing up straight.
“Just my cousin. She’s gossiping about her brother-in-law. If I’m honest, I’m not in the mood to respond.” It was a safe lie.
“Did she get a new phone recently?” He asked, reaching for his wallet and keys, from the table. He finished the final sip of his wine.
“What’s with the third degree?” Sam jutted in, ruffling his long hair with his fingertips. You looked at him with a forced smile.
“She finally got an iphone last week, and changed carriers. I just haven’t put in her contact info in yet.” Josh wrapped an arm around your shoulder, leaning to kiss the side of your head.
“We’re heading out, guys. Jake, if you handle the bill, I’ll pay you back.” Jake nodded and shrugged casually in a ‘I got it,’ manner. “Don’t have much fun without us. Danny,” Josh said, pointing to his brother. “Don’t let this miscreant make bad choices. That’s my job.”
Sam looked around briefly before lifting a middle finger in the air, blowing on it like a smoking pistol. “Dude, you are so lame,” Jake said, turning to the younger pair.
“I’ll take that as a I’ll see you later,” Josh said, squeezing you tighter. “Come on, baby.” He reached down to take your hand in his, and you did, though you felt simultaneously comforted, yet unsettled by it.
***
The drive home was quiet, and Josh let you lean against the window. It was a relief that he knew nothing of the inner turmoil that roiled in your gut. He always seemed like he needed to be touching you; despite the silence in the car, he still proved his loyalty in small, but meaningful ways. His right hand rested on your thigh, his thumb rubbing slow, dragging circles into your skin.
Another vibration ripped through the desperate calm of the drive.
“Not interested in hearing my secret? Oh, I’ll just tell you then! I have your password, and soon I’ll have everything I need for your other related socials. Go ahead and try to log in. I changed the password and email, and re-routed the phone number to my own. Don’t worry, it’s not this one. Your account is safe in my hands. Until it’s not.”
Is this a fucking threat? You thought to yourself.
“What the fuck do you want from me?” You typed, terror sizzling through your bloodstream and into your fingertips. You waited for another long moment, this time staring directly at the screen.
“I want absolutely nothing from you, Y/n. I just want the satisfaction of telling Josh the dirty, pathetic truth of who you are.” You swallowed and looked instinctively at him. He turned his head to you as he approached a stop sign, flipping his hand over for you to take. You echoed his smile, though guilt and mortification roiled in your gut.
“Are you happy?” He asked suddenly, his eyebrows raising softly, his face turning serious.
“Of course I’m happy,” you said, squeezing his hand, intensifying your smile.
“Very good,” He answered softly. “Just checking.” He pulled your looped hands up to his lips, kissing your knuckles before proceeding past the octagonal sign.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
You let the message of the traffic sign flood through your senses like a levee about to break and crumble, the waters destined to destroy anything and everything in its path.
“Leave me the fuck alone, or I’ll call the cops.” You typed with one hand, and looked out of the window at the passing Nashville scenery.
“Do it. You’ll just look incensed to them. No one can find me. I’ve got friends who, with their handiwork, have ensured my anonymity.”
You were trapped. Should you ignore the messages? What would come of them?
“He doesn’t know, does he?” The message chimed through again.
You’ve had enough. You click the info button at the top of the contact bubble and select ‘Block.” Just like that, the imessage bubbles turned green, flooding you with a sense of relief. You sighed heavily.
“Feeling any better?” Josh asked, turning briefly to you as he entered the neighborhood. You swallowed and nodded, feeling the anxiety waning.
“Much,” you admitted.
“Let’s go inside and watch a terrible movie,” he said, pulling into the front yard. “Popcorn, snacks, me-you time.” He reached to scratch at his hair as he turned off the ignition. You turned your head to smile softly at him.
“I’d like that,” you agreed. For the rest of the night, you didn’t receive another text. Sleep drifted back to you easily as you laid beside Josh, his chest rising and falling in an innate, comforting rhythm that willed you to close your eyes and let yourself rest for the first time in over a week.
***
“The party is Wednesday,” Danny said, tilting a cup to his mouth where he stood in your kitchen, tapping the side of the cup to retrieve an ice cube from the bottom. “It’s an odd day for a party, but Josh insisted,” He shrugged. “It’s not the worst idea. The photoshoot for the album is Friday morning,” he explained.
“I still can’t believe that you guys agreed to do album prep on their birthday,” you said, leaning against the kitchen island, popping grapes into your mouth. “They didn’t riot?” Danny shrugged.
“It was the only day to get the entire team together without conflicts. A shit ton of people in the middle of the desert? What could be more fun?” He snorted, reaching to steal one of your grapes.
“We’ll celebrate Jake later that afternoon. You know he wasn’t interested in the whole party thing,” He continued.
You nodded. “For twins, they’re so different,” you chuckled through your nose.
“I grew up with them, Y/n. Trust me, they’re similar in the most annoying ways,” he smirked. “They can be ill-tempered jackasses one moment, and then cracking stupid jokes, laughing their asses off the next.”
You knowingly shook your head. “That’s what makes them artists, right?” You smirked. “Tortured souls make for wonderful art,” you snorted.
“Yeah, yeah,” he said, straightening his back, reaching his arms in the air over his head, yawning. “I’m gonna call catering and make sure they have the weird ass food that Josh asked for.”
You popped another grape in your mouth. “Good luck, and make sure to eat before you arrive,” you winked.
“Oh you mean you don’t like tapenade, caviar, and topo chicos?” He said sarcastically.
“When you put it all together like that, I’d rather eat sand,” You admitted, placing the rest of the fruit back into the fridge. “We will be limiting the menu of weird shit.”
Jake grinned as he dialed the number. You could hear the dial-tone through the speaker of the phone as he padded into the next room.
You heard your phone ring in your pocket, but when you fished it out, the call ended. Unknown ID.
“Having a good day with Danny? I heard he’s single too. Maybe you’d want to double dip?” A new text read. Your eyes darted about, through the kitchen window into the spacious, wooded yard. You and Josh didn’t live in a suburban setting. Josh had been smart with this purchase. You had no idea how this person knew you were with Danny. You checked the front driveway for any suspicious activity, but you saw none. Nothing was out of place, and no one roamed about, besides a neighbor who was walking to their mailbox, checking their mail. They were late middle-aged, so immediately you shrugged them off as a plausible suspect.
Fuck. You might have said the word audibly. You practically sprinted around the house, unplugging all of the Ring cameras one by one, making sure to reach inside to yank out the reserve batteries.
“What’s wrong?” Danny asked, confusion knitting his brows together. You could vaguely hear the hold music tittering through his phone speaker.
“I’m being watched,” you snipped, balling your hands in fists, feeling the batteries clack together.
“What?” He asked, his eyes widening.
“Someone is stalking me.” You reached for your phone and showed him the text.
You watched him read the text. “Are you sure it’s not just someone playing a joke on you? I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s Sam being an asshole.” You shook your head instantly.
“No. This is serious. Someone knows things that they shouldn't. They’re threatening me.” You said, instantly wishing you hadn’t opened your mouth about something so vulnerable and sensitive.
“What do you mean?” He asked, hanging up the phone and shoving it in his back pocket. “They know about the album? About the tour?” He asked, trying to conjure up any information he could think of that has been kept secret and was worthy of this much worry.
“No. It’s so much worse than that.” You admitted, feeling the simultaneous need to vomit and cry.
“Did you do something?” He asked softly, stepping toward you. “I mean, did something happen?”
“Well not exactly,” You said, guilt stabbing and prodding from deep within your belly. Nervous sweat broke out on your brow.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked gently. “You can trust me, Y/n.”
“I don’t think I’m very trustworthy,” you said, an angry edge grating the statement, though you were only angry at yourself and at the unnamed stalker who had conjured back so much forgotten anxiety. “I did something awful to Josh, Danny.”
You already said too much.
“Okay…Did you cheat?” He asked.
“Are you fucking serious? No!” You practically shouted, throwing your hands out defensively.
“Okay, okay, don’t yell at me–” he snipped, echoing your movement as he yanked his palms in front of his body. “What is it, then?”
“I just don’t know how to tell Josh that–” You began, but were cut off promptly as the front door opened and Josh walked through it.
“Tell me what?” He asked with a soft smile. You watched as he pushed the door shut and placed his key fob on the hook beside it.
“Nothing–just a little snag. We don’t want to ruin the surprise, so we can’t tell you, sorry.” Danny said, saving you this once. You cleared your throat, finding it hard to speak.
“We’ll fix it,” You accrued him, offering a small smile that seemed to vanish just as quickly as it appeared.
“What happened?” Josh pressed further, crossing his arms across his chest as he leaned against the doorway.
“The caterer couldn’t find one of the things on your stupid list.” Danny said, grinning at Josh. “You’ll have to survive with one less…peculiar menu item.” Josh snorted.
“Just as long as everyone’s there and makes it in one piece, It’ll be the perfect day,” Josh said, stepping closer to you, bending and pursing his lips. You tilted your head upward and kissed him softly, feeling the touch of his lips like a stake to the heart. This is wrong. So wrong–and he doesn’t deserve any of it.
“Oh shit, I forgot,” Josh said, suddenly scrambling for his phone. “What time is it?” Pulling it out of his pocket, his eyes widened. “Fuck–I gotta go get mom and dad from the airport! I’ll see you later?” Josh asked you, to which you nodded with a soft smile. He reached to pat Danny on the shoulder before snagging his keys off of the hook and booking it out of the door.
Silence clung to the walls as they seemed to close in around you. Danny looked at you expectantly. You shook your head slowly, pulling your hands up to cover your face.
“What is it, Y/n?” Danny asked, turning to you. “What happened?”
“Why did you do that?” You asked angrily.
“Do what?” He retorted, his face twisting with confusion.
“Why did you lie for me? You don’t even know what I did. I–” You shook your head, your throat tightening with an ache that burned.
“Y/n. I am a safe person to talk to, but I also know that Josh is, as well.”
“I can’t tell him. I absolutely cannot tell him.”
“Tell him what? Just tell me.”
“I need a drink first.” You admitted without a hint of shame, pulling yourself into the kitchen to retrieve the nearest bottle of liquor. You pulled a glass out of the cabinet and poured freely, uncaring of the unreasonable amount of alcohol you were about to drink.
“Y/n…don’t do that,” Danny said, stepping into the kitchen. In a moment of numbness, you lifted the glass to your lips and tilted it back, swallowing back the liquid, tasting the bitterness that assaulted your tastebuds. You wanted to cough and hack, but you resisted the urge, downing every drop. You wiped the excess from your lips and set the glass down, taking a second to breathe deeply. You would have done it again, had Danny not yanked the bottle from the counter.
“Stop!” You spat, reaching up for the bottle, tears springing to your eyes.
“This is not healthy!” He said loudly, battling for dominance over the desperation in your voice. He was tall, and you wouldn’t be able to reach it even if you wanted to.
“There’s always more,” you said, reaching into the cabinets to grab a bottle of tequila, uncorking it and pulling the bottle to your lips.
“Y/n, fucking stop it!” He shouted this time, his voice filling the kitchen with a deafening command. His free hand wrenched the bottle from your grasp, liquid splashing over the rim and landing on the floor at your feet. You couldn’t conjure words to explain yourself or defend your actions, but the alcohol had begun its effects, easing your inhibitions. Uncontrollable sobs wracked your body, your chest heaving as you struggled to take in deep breaths, but every time you did, the choking noises became worse. Danny sat the bottles down onto the kitchen island.
“Hey, hey,” He said as reached for you, tucking your body defensively into his chest. Your body crumpled, and you let yourself fall to the floor, knowing that Danny would protect you on the way down. You cried and cried and cried some more, your face drenched with tears. Danny used the cuff of his sleeve to wipe the tears from your eyes, holding you close and rubbing your back. “It’s okay, Y/n. It will be okay. Will you talk to me?” You heard him almost coo the words, coaxing the truth from you in a safe, nurturing way. You’d already decided that you would tell him, and you hoped that he would keep your secret until you could tell Josh. If he didn’t, it would just be yet another mistake you’d been stupid enough to make. What else did you have to lose?
“I-I,” you began, the sobs stealing your voice from you. You took a second to pull yourself together, pulling away from Danny to sit in front of him with your back against a cabinet door. “I lied to him.”
“You lied?” He asked softly. You nodded, pulling your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around your legs.
“About what?”
“About who I am. I’m not a good person.” You shook your head left and right, sniffling.
“I don’t think that’s true. I’ve known you long enough to know that it’s not true.” You looked up at him, and his eyes softened as he met your gaze.
“But it is true. Danny, I knew who you guys were before I met Josh.” To your surprise, Danny’s expression didn’t change immediately.
“Okay,” he said slowly.
“I let Josh believe I had no idea who he was, when in truth, I knew exactly who he was.” The truth suddenly felt like the heaviest, but lightest thing you’d ever carried before. Simultaneously, a relief swept over your body, while the damning truth still weighed you down like a concrete block tied to your feet.
“Okay, well, we are kinda….”
“Famous?” You asked, finishing his sentence, finding it the tiniest bit amusing just how humble Danny was. He shrugged.
“I had a blog. About you guys. I wrote stories.” You said, continuing. You picked at your nail beds as you dove deeper.
“Okay,” He said again, his eyebrows furrowing, trying to understand. “What kind of stories?”
“You don’t want to know.” You said, covering your face. “You can guess.”
“Oh,” He answered. “I see.”
“But I didn’t know you guys. I didn’t know Josh. I just knew your music…all of it came from my imagination, and now I have a stalker who’s trying to out me to Josh and to the entire fandom…”
“Wait, what?” He asked, sitting up straight.
“I told you,” You said, pulling your phone open to the conversation with the number that you had previously blocked. “I blocked this number, but they keep texting me. Scroll.”
You watched his thumb slide across the screen, stopping when the screenshot of your tumblr page appeared.
“Wow,” he said. You eyed him, and let him continue to read.
“They knew where I was at the restaurant. The exact address.” You watched as he read the text.
“Okay this is fucking creepy,” he said. “Did you report this to the police?”
“What would they do, Danny? There’s no one to connect this to. No names, no nothing. I’m absolutely powerless.”
“Okay, but you blocked them, right?” He asked. You nodded, and reached for your phone.
“I did, but they created another number.” You opened the new text chain, showing him the text you had shown him earlier. “How do they know that you’re here, Danny?” You asked him, knowing he wouldn’t have an answer.
“I don’t know. I didn’t post anything.”
“They’re here. They’ve hacked the cameras….or they’re following me,” you said quietly, taking a second to look up out of the kitchen window at the darkening sky outside. “They’re threatening me.”
“With what?” He asked.
“They’re going to tell Josh. Everyone. I know it.”
“Then what’s the easiest solution?” He asked. “You have to tell him, and be honest about everything.”
You nodded. “I don’t know how to tell him the truth. I can’t watch him fall apart in front of me, Danny.” He shrugged, sighing deeply.
“Josh is sensitive when it comes to personal relationships and with trust. If he loves you like I know he does, he will understand–but only if you tell him.”
You swallowed, feeling the ache in your throat becoming more prominent. A single tear teetered from your lashes, sliding down your cheek. “I don’t want to lose him.”
“You won’t,” Danny said, reaching forward toward you, pulling you in again. “He’s in love with you, Y/n. You have no idea. He kissed the top of your head. He’s one of the most understanding and forgiving people I know. He will appreciate you coming to him.”
“The party is tomorrow,” you whined. “I’m going to ruin his party if I tell him right now.”
“Then make the best decision that you can,” he said, pulling you up from the floor. “Let him have a good birthday and tell him afterwards, gently, when you two have a moment together.”
You pulled Danny in for a big hug. “I’m sorry for lying to you, too, Danny.” You hugged him tightly, and he reciprocated, squeezing you him.
“It’s okay. Thank you for trusting me.”
“Please let me be the one to tell Josh,” you pleaded.
“I won’t say a word,” Danny said. “But don’t leave him in the dark, Y/n. I can’t leave my brother in the dark. It’s not fair.”
“I know it isn’t.”
“Do you feel safe here by yourself?” He asked you.
“Not really, but I’ll be okay. They’re not stupid enough to break and enter.” He smirked, reaching for his keys off of the island.
“If you see anything funny, text me.” You nodded, reaching for the counter as wooziness challenged your balance.
***
Josh arrived home later than you had expected, but you assumed that he had been with his parents. “I’m home, honey,” he said, bending to kiss your cheek as you pretended to be asleep, curled up in bed. You opened your eyes, taking a moment to observe the loveliness of his features, knowing that it could very well be the last time you’d see the love in his eyes.
“Come here,” you commanded softly, peeling open the sheets.
You spent that night making love with him, savoring every delicate touch, every kiss. Upon his lips, you’d uttered the words that you knew were true. “I love you.” It was the first time you had said it, and though you’d wished it was said under better, less ultimate circumstances, you wanted him to know.
“I am in love with you, Y/n. I probably have been since that first day in the pasta aisle,” he chuckled. “I love you.” Your chest heaved, and before you could save it, a betraying tear rolled down your cheek, and he saw it. “Awe baby, don’t cry.” He leaned and kissed the wetness away, pulling you to his chest. It was simultaneously the happiest and most heartbreaking moment of your life. By this time tomorrow, it was likely that you’d be the undoing of it all.
***
End of part 2.
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