#mostly hilson for me filing caninet of a blog purposes though apologies for cluttering the tag with unrelateds

[realbeefman]

some of y’all clearly don't understand what it's like to avert your eyes when your friend starts changing in front of you and your heart starts pounding in your chest and you could say something, SHOULD say something, tell her to change her clothes in a different room and admit to this freakish attraction that you know she doesn't feel, ruin the friendship by coloring every moment of casual intimacy with the knowledge that you are a pervert who wants more, that you are a threat. you don’t say anything. and you look up and watch the pale expanse of her lower back from the corner of your eye as she pulls on a white blouse, and something lurches in your stomach and you laugh at the joke she just told even though you weren’t really listening to the set-up. later on you will feel sick and guilty and cry alone in a bed that feels empty, but for just a moment, you are laughing with a beautiful girl who loves you, and it doesn’t matter if it’s wrong

#this is an old work i posted this on tik tok ages ago and got flamed for being creepy. which i am but still #this is practically peachbeck fanfiction based on my own experiences as a tiny baby lesbian. #not a lesbian anymore due to being a “man” and metrosexual in a city boy way but still relevant context. #as in i wrote this at a point when i identified as a woman and was very intentionally writing about being a woman feeling like this. yk? #peach salinger #peachbeck #you #you tv series #you tv #you 2018 #you netflix #feel like this needs a cw but im not sure what… #cw creepery??? cw pervy behavior??? no clue #desire feels poisonous etc etc #hilson #tagging as hilson bc this is very hilson-core to me…. i think they change in the lockers together tooo frequently #them getting they dicks out in the urinals together energy #mostly hilson for me filing caninet of a blog purposes though apologies for cluttering the tag with unrelateds #personal #the gay experience