#most of the time disability is either exciting in an awful traumatic unfunny way or deeply excruciatingly boring. or both!

[gutterprophet]

Incomplete list of the funniest disability experiences I've had

Pissed a little too enthusiastically once and the pelvic muscle contraction dislocated my tailbone and that sudden unexpected pain made me inhale sharply and choke on my own spit and start coughing and then the muscle contractions from coughing popped the bone back into place

Got home after being discharged from a weeklong ICU stay and immediately collapsed onto the floor too weak and exhausted to move so my roommate at the time cheerfully rolled me onto a rug and dragged me on it from room to room belting the magic carpet ride song from Aladdin

Ran into some people I'd known in college but hadn't seen in a couple years, after I got too sick to continue and dropped out, and they stared at me in shock and one of them said "oh my god I totally thought you died"

Fainted at work and fractured my spine from the fall but went "it's probably fine" and finished out the work day and then continued walking around with a broken spine and increasingly severe chronic pain for six months going "it's probably fine!" until finally I stopped being able to walk and my girlfriend made me go to the doctor

Got my oxygen cannula tangled in my sword while sword-fighting someone and accidentally yanked it out of my nose and my opponent, already unsure on the ethics of sword-fighting a girl with an oxygen cannula, stopped and dropped his sword to go "oh shit are you okay do you need a second" and I took the opportunity to beat the shit out of him with my sword and then blacked out a little

Shortly after I started using a wheelchair I was wheeling down the sidewalk and some random person driving by slowed down and rolled down their window and shouted "HEY GIRL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" and I shouted back "I HAVE A NEUROLOGICAL DISORDER!" and they yelled "WOOHOO!!! YEAH, GIRL!!!!" and revved their engine and sped off. Still not really sure what to make of this interaction but I do enjoy their enthusiasm

My cardiologist made me do a cardiac rehab program for a while because my heart did not work and he hoped specialized physical therapy might strengthen it (it did not). The cardiac rehab program was largely attended by octogenarians recovering from triple bypass surgery and I was a perky young nineteen year old who looked like I did not get enough to eat, so all my fellow patients collectively decided to adopt me as their grandchild and collaborate to smuggle me home-baked goods when the nurses weren't looking. I had the best blondie of my life while on a treadmill hooked up to an EKG

#most of the time disability is either exciting in an awful traumatic unfunny way or deeply excruciatingly boring. or both! #lots of panicked sobbing and suffocating on vomit and lots of lying down alone in a dark quiet room doing nothing. #sometimes panicked sobbing and suffocating on vomit while lying down alone in a dark quiet room! #but SOMETIMES. it is VERY entertaining #possum posts #cripple tag