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wen-kexing-apologist · 1 year

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Isn't It Difficult Enough to Be Born Poor?

Once again, I must start this post out by saying...Fuck you @respectthepetty. You did this to me, I currently have eleven (11)...ELEVEN (this will be 12) long as all hell analysis posts about Moonlight Chicken and at least half of them are your fault. Because you started posting about colors and then I had to start thinking about my feelings when I watched television. And here we are. If you are worried about what your legacy will be as a role model. Don't be. Your legacy has been talking about colors so much you have converted half the interest in to color analysts. This one isn't about color though, I just needed to curse you out for creating an analysis demon.

All that said, let's get in to Jim and Li Ming this episode.

So, Li Ming has just had a very emotionally draining conversation with his mother, and he is trying desperately to leave the house and just go, go anywhere cause Heart's not home, when Jim comes waltzing in and accidentally blocking his exit. "Where are you going now?" and GOD LI MING DOES NOT HAVE FUCKING TIME FOR THIS.

The most exasperated face to date. But it's not really Jim's fault that Li Ming is acting like this, he's just a casualty of war. A safe vessel that will hold all Li Ming's emotions.

"Outside." "Where?" "Don't know yet," "What do you mean?"

Guess who's making eye contact again after a conversation with his mother where he very rarely looked in her direction????

Side note: I love this line "I haven't decided where I want to be yet," because it can be relevant to so many things and is a foundational theme of this episode, with no one acting on the choices they have before them until Gaipa's mother dies

"Then stay home and study," and here we go, another adult, telling him what to do, not being there for the conversation beforehand and having no idea they are plucking at an already frayed cord.

"I'm going to Heart's home," he tries to leave, Jim stops him.

Li Ming already knows exactly what Jim is implying here. But his mother is home, and he's already exhausted, and he just...he just wants to leave. But he's not afraid, he's calm, if annoyed.

He's happy to entertain the conversation, just not right now. Right now he is tired, and he just wants some time alone, some time with Heart.

Jim, once again, does not respect Li Ming's question, and forges ahead, because he needs to know, needs to confirm his fears.

Get, his ass Li Ming! To me, it helps so much prevent a fundamental breakdown in Li Ming and Jim's relationship here to have Li Ming know that Jim is gay as well. I think that knowledge, coupled with the exhaustion he is already feeling, just lets the rest of this conversation go over surprisingly smoothly.

"Li Ming, I'm your uncle," "Adults can do no wrong? Adults can kiss but kids can't? Is it the wrong thing to do? Is the world coming to an end?"

For Jim? The answer feels like a yes. Because Jim grew up in a very differently world than Li Ming has. He has internalized so much homophobia, not just from society but from his own sister, the person he had to rely on the most when he was young. A person whose opinions are very clearly shown to matter to Jim. Everything Jim has repeated so far in this show that is homophobic is a direct quote from his sister.

To Jim being gay has made life so much harder for him. Hell, he himself was a victim of the legal system, with Beam's family taking all the money he and Beam had saved, because gay marriage is not recognized so they could not open a joint bank account and everything was in Beam's name. This is a very real struggle, and a possibility Li Ming himself could face one day. A reality that Li Ming has no concept of because he's eighteen, and he hasn't lived his life yet, he hasn't faced society the same way Jim has...

But to Li Ming? Being gay isn't a big deal. Because Li Ming was raised by an openly queer man. Even if Jim is far more careful and restrained about showing physical affection or giving too much attention to Wen men in public, his friends all know. Leng teases him about it, Leng teases Gaipa about it. Jam knows about Jim. Beam's family knew. Wen literally walked in to Li Ming's room the night Wen and Jim had their "one night stand". Li Ming knows Jim is gay.

So while Jim and Beam were navigating being queer even just ten, twenty years ago with no one obviously queer elders around them to guide them, Li Ming has grown up around multiple queer seniors, one of whom is his uncle. Of course he has an entirely different perception of how significant it is to be gay. He had nothing but positive queer role models around him to guide him as he grew. Role models who were open. And I love the post from @respectthepetty and this post from @heart-ming that talk about the pressure Jim puts on himself, especially after he realizes that Li Ming is gay. All he can think about is every way that he has failed, when the fact that Li Ming is able to say so casually, so quietly, with a touch of disgust on his face: "So what? What's the big deal [that I'm gay]?" proves that he has succeeded at being a queer role model. Because Li Ming does not hate his queerness.

I love this shot once Li Ming leaves, because there is a moment of recognition. Oh shit, Jam is here.

Followed by Oh shit, I outed Li Ming to his (historically homophobic) Mom. Yet another thing for him to be able to blame himself for.

Something that I have really appreciated about the two Fourth and Gemini shows from this year, is that in both of them, the children are spared from their own parent's ignorance. Li Ming does not know he has been outed to his mother, and he will not hear her say the homophobic things. Jim is the one that will carry that weight. He is the one that will address her concerns, and tell her she is wrong. Li Ming does not need to experience that.

"Was it my fault I left my child in your care?"

YEAH JAM. GIVE HIM A BREAK, HE'S FUCKING RAISED YOUR CHILD FOR YOU.

And God this moment sucks so bad because you know that she is voicing his worst fear. He already blames himself, the sentiment Jam states, and Jim repeats "Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me," that is 100% what I knew Jim was thinking in this moment in Episode 6. "oh shit, Jam is gonna tell me that I rubbed off on him,"

And it's so interesting to me the way they placed the sequence of events in Episode 7, Jim talks to Jam and Jam asks if she can blame Jim for Li Ming being gay because he wasn't gay when he lived with Jam, and JIM IS IN THAT MOMENT ABLE TO BE LIKE "what if he was that before living with me?", "What's the point of placing blame? He does nothing wrong."

When confronted with ignorance, he is able to stand up against it, speak out about it, and confront his sister's biases. But when he goes to see Wen, he repeats the same thing she did "Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me,"

Also, best part of the talk between Jim and Jam was this moment:

Jim is finally starting to listen to his nephew's wishes. He will not make a decision as big as having Li Ming move back in with his mother. He understands that Li Ming needs to choose this. And, I will note that this is a conversation she has already asked Li Ming about, and she didn't get the answer she wanted so she has resorted to asking the family member Li Ming loves and trusts to get him to change his mind. And she holds the deed title over Jim's head about it, trying to give him the ultimatum that he can only get the deed if he helps her rob Li Ming of even more of his autonomy. And Jim finally says no. "Don't do this" he begs, and at the end of the episode he returns the deed to Jam.

Cut to soon-to-be-father Leng, talking about how expensive it is to have and raise a child. And this is something Li Ming is painfully aware of in his own right, he's held Jim's "I pay your tuition" statement right back over his head. Li Ming is aware that Jim is struggling to make ends meet, he's aware that they live in poverty.

"Don't have kids," Leng says, only partly joking, but with a smile on his face. And Li Ming has just come from a terrible conversation with his mother where he was faced with the thought of actually having to leave Jim to go back to a home he didn't used to be wanted in. "Did you ever consider abortion?" is a very answer-seeking question, it's intentional, and it's not about Leng, it's about Li "I didn't ask to be born" Ming. Leng is honest "I thought about it, but Praew's parents want a grandchild so I'm okay ot have this baby. But I can barely make it through the day, how am I supposed to raise a child?" and I think that is a wake up call for Li Ming in a way.

Jim is his parent. Jim is barely making it through the day. How is Jim supposed to raise Li Ming? No one knows, but he does it. And he does it cause he loves Li Ming.

To preface this, if Li Ming ends up going to America and doing the Work and Travel thing, I am completely fine with that, but I am on the Interpreter!Li Ming train so I at the very least want a seedling of doubt to be planted in Li Ming's mind. And I am choosing to believe it is this moment. Right after Li Ming is faced with the actual, very real potential threat of having to leave Pattaya, Heart, Jim, his community here, he asks Leng if he would still want to stay with his parents if they were alive. Leng says "Probably not. Everyone has their own life to live. And parents cannot be with us forever," (I see you P'Aof and P'Best, you evil evil motherfuckers)

This is Li Ming's face after Leng makes that comment. That boy is haunted and that boy is thinking. The wheels are turning. He is evaluating.

Cut to Wen and Jim. "What fight did you have with your nephew?" is literally the first question Wen asks when Jim shows up at his apartment. And I both love and hate that Wen so often has to act as the go-between. I mean from the sense that he is between the two generations and can be respected at both ends of it, it's great, and it's nice that we establish that Li Ming trusts, values, and listens to Wen, that Wen fits in this family. On the down side, I really wish Li Ming knew and could see how many times Jim has sought out council to better understand his son nephew.

Heart is Li Ming's safe zone when he feels misunderstood, Wen is Jim's.

Jim gets done denying everything his sister said, telling her she is wrong, that being gay does not work like that, that there is no one to blame, but he internalized that shit and immediately went to Wen to try to process his feelings.

"I can't help blaming myself for it. Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me."

"How come Saleng is straight? He's been with you for a long time as well. Trust me it has nothing to do with you."

We need this scene to explain Jim's behavior. To show the struggles he is having with his internalized homophobia. To how how deeply he loves and looks up to his family. That he catches and carries the shame, the guilt, the blame of his queerness when it's called in to question by his sister. But that he is able to recognize and shed that shame when Wen asks him very simple questions. Because he knows the answer to them, you can't catch queerness, Li Ming isn't gay because of Jim, in fact, Jim being queer was a protective factor in Li Ming's own relationship to his queerness.

"And what era are we in now?" Wen says "No one really looks for reasons why people are gay anymore."

That is the question of the hour for Jim isn't it? What era are we in now? Jim is stuck in the past. He is trapped under decades of struggle and strife, and the behavior he had to have to survive. He is shifting his paradigm, slowly but surely, and this is the question that Jim will need to answer for himself in order to better understand his nephew and in order to shed some of the weight he carries.

"What era are we in now?"

Not Jim's era. We're in an era of change.

Jim does not remove Wen's hand. We are in an era of change.

"You are gay, aren't you? Why can't you accept your nephew is gay?"

"I can accept that. I'm just worried about him,"

This is Jim's fundamental character trait in his relationship with Li Ming. He's just worried about him.

"You do know that it's not easy being gay in this country. I can't see how he is able to lead a good life."

We are in an era of change.

"If [Li Ming] wants to tell someone you will hear it before me, trust me," Jim says.

"Because you are strict,"

Li Ming has been telling him this from the beginning, but that's his child, and it's difficult to give up that need to protect him. We are in an era of change. It is time for Jim to accept that Li Ming is growing up, and he has to start seeing Li Ming as an adult if he wants Li Ming to trust him.

So it's time to listen:

"No,"

"Why?"

"I hadn't seen her in 5 or 6 years. Out of the blue she showed up and told me she loves me. Do you expect me to love her back just like that?"

"Can't you love her simply because she is your mother?" Jim certainly loves her just because she is his sister. Even though she's hurt him. Even though the blame he places on himself, the internalized homophobia, all of that comes from her.

"I know I owe her gratitude. But being a mother or father should not be an excuse for everything,"

Li Ming is smart in this way, he is showing Jim that he has opinions, he has justifications for his behavior, and they go against tradition, sure, but that has always been li Ming's thing. Why do powerful people have the right to hurt us? Why do I have to love someone who's hurt me?

"But I think your mother loves you too,"

"Love can't be forced, right? Just because she gave birth to me, must I love her back? If you ask me if I love you or not, I can answer that more easily,"

"I can easily say that I love you,"

Moonlight Chicken is a show about family, found or otherwise. Li Ming has shown his love for his uncle repeatedly in this show. In the way he steps up to take responsibility for the broken alcohol so Jim doesn't have to stress about money. In the way he listens to Jim and calms down when his emotions get too out of control. In the way he shows up for Jim's birthday party even though they fought. In the way he always looks Jim in the eye. But he hasn't said the words "I love you," to Jim, not since we've been following them at least.

Jim gives Li Ming a olive branch beer.

"Get a taste of being an adult," WE DID IT FOLKS! WE GOT THERE!!! JIM HAS FINALLY DONE IT, HE HAS FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT LI MING HAS BEEN ASKING FOR THE ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME!!!! *airhorn noises*

And because this is literally all Li Ming has been wanting, the apologies, the trust, the honesty, the willingness and need to explain, to help Jim better understand his actions follows quickly. And Jim reciprocates that gift with his own, "I wasn't mad at you for the cigarette, I was mad at myself for demonstrating that behavior,"

"What about Heart?" he teases "Have you tried him out already so you know you like him?" and it's not really an apology, but it doesn't have to be. Because I do think Li Ming understands where Jim was coming from, it's difficult to be gay. Uncle Jim is worried about him. But this, again, is Jim's way of showing Li Ming he is on board with their relationship. He is teasing him, and they are back to their regularly scheduled program after this.

God, Jim loves his nephew so much. And God, this is the happiest and most carefree that I have seen Li Ming be outside of when he's spending time with Heart.

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circuscl0wn · 1 year

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All I know is that both Fourth and Khaotung CLOCKED IN for work and did OVERTIME

They absolutely delivered their lines, facial expression were pure perfection, and both captivated me. Khaotung made episode 7 HIS, I haven’t been moved to tears like that in a while. Li Ming’s calm yet tense outburst of anger and frustrations at the adults in his life was just so satisfying to see and Fourth delivered it so well. The heart to heart he had with both Leng and with Uncle Jim? Absolutely loved it. Amazing episode.

#moonlight chicken #moonlight chicken episode 7 #mlc #fourth nattawat #khaotung thanawat #khaotung #li Ming #thai bl #Gaipa #moonlight chicken the series #moonlight chicken series #Gmmtv #earth pirapat

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thequeenofsastiel · 1 year

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@absolutebl all I could think about was you in this moment 😂

#thequeenofsastiel liveblogs #moonlight chicken episode 7 #moonlight chicken

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telomeke · 1 year

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MOONLIGHT CHICKEN – GAIPA'S SONG

“Even though I’m no longer here with you, the love you have for me will last forever.”

"Mom had a song she liked. When she was alive, she asked me to sing for her. I haven't been able to sing it to her yet. So I would like to take this occasion to sing this song, which is her favorite, for the first time and the last for her."

"You ask how deep my love is And how much I love you. My feelings are real And my love is true. The moon represents my heart. You ask how deep my love is And how much I love you. My feelings do not waver And my love does not change. The moon represents my heart. A kiss so gentle It moved my heart A love so deep It makes me long for you now. You ask how deep my love is And how much I love you. Reflect on this And look to the sky. The moon represents my heart."

Goodbye Mrs. Hong, we miss you so much already. 😢

#moonlight chicken #moonlight chicken episode 7 #the moon represents my heart

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to-be-spared · 1 year

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Uh. You don't say

#moonlight chicken #moonlight chicken spoilers #moonlight chicken episode 7

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hummingbirdsinjune · 1 year

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Moonlight Chicken Ep 7

- DAMN Mix is so pretty. The most amazing thing I'll ever do is see his face and then continue my day as if everything is completely normal.

- Gaipa handling everything with the same gloves he was holding chicken with is sending me into the astral plane

- Li Ming's mom is so sketchy, right from the jump. I don't trust her.

- Li Ming said you can catch these (verbal) hands.

- Actually that wasn't as painful as it was made out to be thank gosh. Love to see Li Ming stand up for himself and Uncle Jim rethink some things.

- oh damn is Jim gonna have to protect Li Ming from the real gay hater, Jim's sister who always gave him shit for being gay?? Will he save Li Ming from the same fate?? I hope so

- Uh. Obviously Jim thinks that's a terrible idea, Jam.

- Jim if you don't fight for Li Ming now when it matters most I'm going to smack you

- Wen is here to spit straight facts. Exactly what Uncle Jim needs.

- Jim said o:

- It is SO nice to see Jim flirting back with Wen. Phew. They're so cute.

- The happy music playing is healing me. I've almost let down my guard but I don't trust this show

- I've been enjoying seeing Leng more. His friendship with Gaipa is so wholesome

- oh right here we go

- khao's voice break when he's crying for his mom 😭😭😭

- (screaming into the void) NO

- Alan really does just show up everywhere lmfao laughing about them placing him in all these spots makes me feel better

- Hearts mom - that is exactly what we wanna see

- AND HIS DAD??? Im going to go cry now

- i lole to think Alan just realized that Wen found a family he belongs to, and that will shift his thinking about everything.

- the entire Jim and Li Ming scene has me grinning. Look at them. Talking. Harassing each other. Gosh.

- PHEW no villains! A cute and happy family meal! Jim supporting Li Ming in the best way! Jam seems understanding!!!

- the comeback of the credit song actually has me crying

#moonlight Chicken #moonlight chicken spoilers #moonlight Chicken episode 7

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blmpff · 5 months

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- Uncle Jim age 50000, more wrinkles than skin and all that

#yeah i know i know #still funny #moonlight chicken #favorite scenes #episode 7 #blmpff

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thescrumptiousstuffs · 1 year

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Moonlight Chicken, episode 7

💕 it’s great to see Heart’s parents finally learning and communicating with him…observing and taking a keen interest in what he does! 🥰

#thai bl #gmmtv series #gemini norawit #moonlight chicken #episode 7 #heart liming #heart and his parents are finally on the same wave length

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chickenstrangers · 1 year

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Gaipa is a character I cannot think about too much or it hurts but also I have been living in this scene for the last 3 months so I'm going to try.

It means so much to me to see Gaipa and Mrs Hong have such an honest and explicit discussion about Gaipa's queerness. It really shows how comfortable they are with each other, and how much they love each other, and that this isn't the first time they've discussed it. Moments like this one are part of what makes this show feel so queer, and it's something that I don't feel I've seen much of in queer media.

A lot of queer stories are coming of age narratives or stories of discovering queer identity. And that's important! Vital! We also have that in Moonlight Chicken with Li Ming and Heart's budding relationship. It's wonderful to see characters coming into their own with their queer identity, and all of the other things that come along with these stories, including coming out. But it's also so important to see what happens years or even decades after the initial "coming out".

Conversations about identity don't necessarily stop, especially in such a close relationship like the one between Gaipa and his mother. This isn't about questioning his identity or devaluing it, but stating support and love explicitly. Mrs Hong says she always knew that Gaipa was gay, since he was a child. We don't know what his story was growing up, if he sat down with his parents and came out, or if it happened more casually if they already knew. It was an unspoken understanding, but that doesn’t prevent him from wanting to speak it.

Queer coming of age does not stop once you've come out once. Adult queer narratives do not need to avoid explicit discussions of identity just because the characters are more settled and comfortable with their sexuality. This scene really resonated with me for me by showing the continuation of that queer experience.

There's such clear comfort in this conversation and how it shows that Gaipa and his mom truly know each other, how open and loving they are with each other, how they can joke around about it and be playful with each other, but they are still not taking the unspoken words for granted. Gaipa still wants and needs it to be said aloud. Their conversation in this scene is not a revelation that Gaipa is gay, and it's not new information that Mrs Hong loves and accepts him for it. But I can completely understand wanting to hear it said aloud, "Do you regret it…that I'm gay?" And she says unequivocally that no, she has no regrets, she just wants him to be happy, and find the love that he wants.

I talked about this a little bit before but this question of regret is really powerful. Gaipa isn't necessarily very happy at this moment; he's lonely, he clearly wants to find a reciprocated love and hasn't yet. His mother can see that he is sad about this. But does that mean she regrets that he's gay, or wishes he were different than he is? Even if it were easier for him in general to be straight? But as Jim and Wen discuss, being straight is no guarantee of happiness either. Mrs Hong has no regrets about this, and loves Gaipa wholeheartedly.

The relationship between parents and their queer children, whether biological or not, plays a large role in Moonlight Chicken. We see that Jam accepts that her brother is gay but has a much harder time accepting that her son is. We see Jim being upset to learn that Li Ming is gay, for much of the same reason that Gaipa is asking his mom about, his worry that life will be harder for Li Ming because of his sexuality. We see this scene echoed in Wen's conversation with his stepfather, who also fully supports Wen, asking about who he's seeing, and they clearly have a solid relationship, though much of this support is a bit more implicit than in Gaipa's conversation. All these moments together highlight the complexities of these relationships and highlight different queer experiences.

Queerness isn't Gaipa's whole identity, but it's an important part, and it's understandable for him to want to be open about it with his mom. And it is so powerful for me to see him at this stage in his journey and see this sort of conversation on screen.

#moonlight chicken #in this post i forget about the existence of episode 7 thank you very much #another scene that this reminds me of is in dark blue kiss #with pete's conversation with his father long after he's come out and they can talk comfortably about it #i am obviously not saying every show needs to do this or that its a universal queer experience #but its something that really stood out to me #moonlight chicken meta #thinking thoughts #gaipa moonlight chicken #khaotun #khaotung thanawat

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sadtrash-masculine · 1 year

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uncle jim dropping in with that internalized (and soon to be externalized) homophobia

#i am not excited for the next episode oh boy #just when it all seemed to be getting better #moonlight chicken episode 6 #moonlight chicken #moonlight chicken episode 7 preview

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joblessquinoa · 1 year

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Wen is a manic pixie dream girl and Jim is just his babygirl

#i have so many thoughts bouncing in my head about wen and they're all incoherent #jimwen is sooooo 💕💕💕#im finally watching episode 7 #moonlight chicken #moonlight chicken the series

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wen-kexing-apologist · 1 year

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Mommy Dearest

Moonlight Chicken, Ep. 7 is all about parent/child relationships. And I for one could not be more grateful to P'Aof and the other writers, cast, and crew involved in highlighting that. As I've gotten older my appreciation for slice of life style stories has continued to grow, and I think that stems from finding comfort and catharsis in seeing other people portray my reality. Especially when it is treated with empathy and understanding.

Which is why I was so happy to see Li Ming's interactions with his mother this episode. Cause the second they meet face to face, I knew I would be relating hard to Li Ming's feelings towards his mother.

It is vitally, vitally important to me that Jam is introduced in this way. That she is always being shown throughout this entire episode to be kind. She is nice, she is expressing interest in her son, she is cooking for him, she is asking him to come home. Even when she is expressing her thoughts on Li Ming being gay to Jim, ones that are harmful, she is not doing so maliciously. She is allowed to be seen as not inherently evil, and Li Ming is still allowed to feel no love for her.

And this is very important to me specifically because it the way she engages with Li Ming is nearly identical to the way my father is currently trying to engage with me. He's started calling me more, started asking me more questions about my life, started inviting me over for dinner when I'm in town. And the reason why I'm so invested in this scene is because, I recognize the deadness in Li Ming's eyes, we know from later on in the episode that Li Ming isn't sure that he loves his mother, and as a result we have a colder, more stand-offish, and unusually quiet Li Ming. He is not capable of engaging with his mother in a loving way, and it radiates out of him. Before we've had more than ten seconds of a conversation between them, we can already tell that Li Ming is incapable of buying in to her pleasantries.

Even worse for Li Ming, this is a surprise. He did not know she was coming, and now she is here, giving him no time to emotionally or mentally prepare to interact with her.

And this statement speaks volumes to me, probably does to Li Ming too. She didn't come here to see Li Ming, she didn't come here because she missed Li Ming, she came here because her boyfriend was coming here, she just happened to be in town. It's understandable if the expense to travel is a burden, but we know pretty soon after she says this line that she is currently living comfortably.

Crucially, Jam doesn't say this to be cruel, she is not trying to hurt Li Ming. She's just telling him information, but if my father said this to me after an extended time apart, I know I certainly would be thinking of course. of course you only come when it's convenient for you.

Love this line. Because it establishes a fact. Li Ming and Jam do not talk to each other. Li Ming has no idea who Uncle Tong is in relation to his mother.

Li Ming's entire character centers around connection and disconnection. And if his body language wasn't a neon sign in and of itself to the disconnect he has between himself and his mother, everything she has said and continues to say puts further distance between them. "That uncle who took you fishing when you were small," when you were small. She hasn't seen Li Ming in years, she has no idea who he is as a person now, no idea what memories he's made since living in Pattaya. Li Ming is her child, so he will always be a child, and his current likes and interests and memories must surely still be tied to his childhood. Because she only knows Li Ming has he was, before she lost left him

Ok, I know I say this every time, but Fourth is such a good actor, there is so much more darkness and anger in Li Ming than in Gun and I always have to remind myself he's playing both characters. And right here, I want to ask Fourth what Li Ming is feeling. Is he lying or is he telling the truth? Is he scared of what is coming next? He knows what will happen, he knows what is coming. Does he lie about not remembering P'Tong to try to drive the knife in a little? Or does he genuinely not remember and it's a good indication that Jam will have to work very very hard to brighten up the relationship between her and her son?

We love the incredibly human characters that are in this show. Li Ming's mother does actually care about her son's opinion here. She wants him to know that she is thinking of marrying P'Tong. I do genuinely believe that, that she is seeking permission here from Li Ming, regardless of whether P'Tong was the one who suggested it or not.

Zero tolerance for bullshit.

I know Li Ming as a character is very willing and able to call out the injustices he sees, anywhere, anytime, with anyone in any position of power. But God, (sorry this is getting too personal) it feels so satisfying some times to deliver a cut like this to a parent.

Li Ming is still not buying in to it, so Jam is being more intentional about what she is feeling. Jam wants Li Ming's opinion, or...she wants Li Ming to absolve her of some of her guilt and her hesitations and her worries.

ZERO! TOLERANCE! FOR! BULLSHIT!

God. His face in this whole scene is great, so detached from everything, he is giving her as few emotions as possible. It's cold, it's distant, his physicality bears the emotional distance between them. It is so so different from his confrontations with Jim. Someone he is also very clearly willing and able to talk back to. To get punchy with.

When Li Ming is mad at Jim he gets close, as close to him as possible, right up in to his face.

When Jim gives him a command "don't raise your voice at me," "I said stop." it does take a few attempts but Li Ming does listen. Does calm down. Does apologize. And even after his uncle has constantly, sometimes unintentionally, and sometimes for safety, over-stepped Li Ming's boundaries and autonomy, Li Ming still often checks in with Jim. In the confrontation with Heart's parents when Heart runs upstairs, Li Ming looks to Jim (in my mind seeking permission) before he runs up after him.

But crucially, Li Ming trusts Jim, Li Ming loves Jim, Li Ming knows Jim cares about him and as a result, he gives Jim his whole self. He calms himself down when Jim tells him he's crossed the line, he goes to Jim's birthday party, he apologizes to Jim. He tells Jim what is bothering him, and while that often ends in an argument, Li Ming is fully willing to be honest with him.

"If you want me to say it's okay, just say it,"

Jam does not get the same honesty. Whatever he can do to just finish this conversation sooner, he will do. Whatever Jam wants him to say so she can feel better and he can get more distance between them, he will say.

Oh. I can see how easy it would be for Li Ming to fully believe it was P'Tong who actually decided to consider Li Ming's feelings. Not hers.

Straight to the point. Just say what you mean, just tell me what you want, stop dragging this conversation out.

He looks...absolutely the same. No emotion. Closed off. There is no excitement, no hope, no joy. This is not good news to him. This does not change anything between them. This does not make him love his mother more, or make him feel more loved by his mother in return.

"My life is more comfortable now, you know? You're about to graduate from high school. Maybe we can be together again." Now, we all know that Li Ming is not interested in going to college, he wants to leave, to do work and travel. But his mother doesn't know that, we'll get to the sentence immediately following this one in a second but I just...I can't help thinking about whether or not Li Ming would even live at home if he did go to college. How much parenting would she really have to do. How much of a time commitment would she really be putting in?

We know Li Ming has desperately been seeking freedom and understanding. He has found understanding by way of Heart. But the freedom from poverty? He now has that if he goes to live with his Mom. She's living a comfortable life. But he doesn't want it. Because fundamentally, more than anything else, Li Ming wants freedom to make his own choices.

And see, here is the thing. "IF YOU WANT to continue your studies," she's giving him a choice here...technically. But Jim and Li Ming have had this conversation already. Jim and Li Ming have already had this fight. Going back with his mother would not solve any of his problems, and in fact creates more because it separates him from the community he has here.

"Why do you all decide for me? Nobody bothers to ask me first."

Now, in the first place we know there is no way in Hell Li Ming is going back with his mother. There is not a second in this entire interaction that Li Ming even entertains the idea. He does not love his mother, he does not want to live with his mother, his mother has no clue who he even is as a person at this point.

And in the second place, he would be facing the same exact problem he has right now. People aren't asking him what he wants. They aren't treating him like an adult. And yes, as you get older, you realize that people were doing their best, and as you get older you realize that it's difficult to successfully balance when you need to protect or guide young adults and when you need to let them make their own decisions. In the conversation Li Ming has with Jim at the end of Episode 5 after they return home. Jim asks "What if something more serious occurs to [Heart]?" and Li Ming replies with "I never think it would happen," and that is what Jim is trying to shield Li Ming from. And all Li Ming is asking for is to be allowed to learn from those moments.

Okay, tangent over, back to Li Ming and Jam. Where we have seen Li Ming be cold, near dissociative, and definitely detached through most of the conversation with his mother. But this, the lack of autonomy he is constantly facing by his family, is Li Ming's biggest sore spot. And he has been bravely trudging along through a conversation he does not want to be in, where he is being met with just so much kindness that lacks so much understanding of him, that he is ready to be done.

But this is not the reaction his mother is expecting of Li Ming, again, because she hasn't been here for this. We have. Jim has. We know that this is a sore spot, and we know that Li Ming has already been in a very emotionally charged argument about this with his uncle before, and I doubt he really wants to do it again.

"Isn't it good to have options?" because she is confused. Because she doesn't know that Li Ming has chosen his option already. That his choice is to leave. And this question is double edged, though I don't think Jam realizes it. Isn't is good to have options? To have college as a back up if you decide you want to go. To have me as a backup if you are tired of living with Uncle Jim. If you are tired of living here in poverty, in a community that accepts you, in a place where you have friends and you have love and you have connection. You can come back with me to live in a comfortable home, with a man that I don't really want to marry but will anyway, away from all your friends, away from the man that raised you, away from your community.

No wonder Li Ming hits her back immediately with "What do you want me to be happy about first?"

The face of a man who is very much not happy about any of this. "About your breakup with Uncle Sith, about your new boyfriend, or about you being well-off and having a comfortable life, and wanting to take me back with you?"

If anyone can remind me of the timeline with Beam, I would really love to know, because I want to know if Li Ming knew Beam, if Li Ming met Beam. How many people has he lost? How often is his mother breaking up with people? How out of the loop does Li Ming feel?

Babes, you didn't come here for Li Ming at all. The list of reasons you gave for coming to Pattaya, in order:

"P'Tong was in town running errands"

"P'Tong wanted me to ask you if it was okay if he married me,"

"I want to be with you,"

The reason you actually came to Pattaya:

Jim called and asked for a title, and you want to use it to get him to try to help you get your son to move back with you.

The face of a man who is absolutely done compromising his own feelings for his mother's.

And God, okay it is time to talk about Li Ming and eye contact. Because we know he is so so capable of keeping eye contact. When he fights with Jim his eyes are always always right on him. When he's with Heart, he's making as much eye contact as possible.

When he is with Jam, it is completely reversed, he makes eye contact with his mother as little as possible. Physically turning himself away from her at the end here. And she tries to be physically affectionate with him, to show her love for him, but Li Ming does not love his mother, and so he just sits there unable to reciprocate.

Lmao, me when my Dad tries to hug me.

Okay, so I started this whole thing by saying that I was incredibly grateful to this show for making Li Ming's mother kind, and for allowing Li Ming to treat her this way anyway, and for that to be okay. Warning, personal story ahead...when I was sixteen, in a fit of anger, my father said he could live perfectly happily without me, and it did irreparable harm to our already extremely tenuous relationship. The thing that even made me tolerate him was going to college and getting thousands of miles between us. And by the end of college our relationship broke down further, and then even distance couldn't save it. But, my father is incredibly charming and charismatic to the outside world. I do not love my father. And that is something I have never said out loud. Because I feel guilty about it. But, I do not love my father, and unfortunately, that's clear to anyone that sees us interact. Because I am Li Ming in my own situation. I am detached, emotionless, giving the shortest possible replies with no extra information. When my father ends his phone calls with "I love you" I do not say it back, because I can't and because I don't believe him. When my father hugs me, I do not hug him back. When my father invites me to dinner, and his girlfriend is there, I can't shake the feeling that it was her who suggested we all get together in the first place. Or if it wasn't, that he's just trying to show himself off as a good father to impress her.

And from the outside looking in, to strangers who do not know the history that has come between us, the history that has gotten us to that point, I look like the asshole. And it is something that I am painfully aware of. So this scene means a lot to me, because I have not seen this type of relationship between a parent and a child in any media before. Either the parents are great, or the parents are abusive, or the parents have been cut off because they are asking too much of their kids. I haven't seen my relationship to my parent accurately represented, and humanely represented. I do not think that Li Ming is being unfair here, I do not think that he is being cruel. And that brings me such relief.

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