#misinterpret everything i say about it. like literal 'how dare you say we piss on the poor' type shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tipsydipsydo · 4 years

Text

Request: "I was wondering if you can do a scenario with Poly OT7! BTS about their boyfriend (male reader) who is taller than them and everyone thinks they are a top, but is actually very shy and submissive. can be this a smut too ☺"

Requested by: @awkfanboy

Pairing: Dom! Poly OT7! x Sub! Taller! Reader

Gender of the reader: male

Word Count: 1.3k

Genre: a little bit of Comedy at the beginning, then Smut!

Warnings: Filthy Language + Dirty Talk; Polyamory; Dom-/Sub-Themes; Daddy-Kink; Sir-Kink; Petnames (Babyboy etc.); Soft Degrading(?)/Reprimand; Teasing; Mentions of Stereotypes, Sex Toys, Oral Sex and Mastubation

A/N: My first requested Scenario is written! whoop whoop~ And I know... that got a bit out of my hand, it's literally more a fic than a scenario... well... I'll see how it'll goes in the next time and where I'll set my maximum of the word count.

I hope you all will like it!🤗💕

Links:

My Masterlist for your requests!

My official Blog Navigation

「© tipsydipsydo」

This following story is my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

“Arrg, I hate, hate, hate it! Why the fuck thinks everyone this shit always, just because I'm just a tiny bit smaller than the 'average' man and doesn't have 'this aura' like seemingly every goddamn other guy?! Yeah, I know, 'I'm way too cute for that'!”, curses Jimin and doesn't put the shopping bags full of groceries on the kitchen table as careful as he should do it.

You follow him with the other two bags in your hands, your head hanging low and you're chewing nervously in your lower lip. That you didn't say anything in this incident in the shop, Jimin will definitely don't let go you away with it and you will certainly getting something back for it tonight, if not immediately...

But this thought doesn't frighten you, rather an excited, maybe even a feeling of anticipation spreads in your stomach... Even though it was just a small misunderstanding, it was precisely this misunderstanding that kept pissing him off and he could get a complete outburst of anger.

"God, how I hate that everyone always has to think that just because I'm 'so small and looks so cute, they just can't imagine of anything else'! Shitty clichés! Namjoon and Jin hardly differ in height to you anyway, even when you're actually taller than them! And Yoongi? We have the same height and yet everyone seems to know that he is your dom! Probably because of his aura, which I don't have! Why do everyone think that I'm your sub?!" He seems to talk himself more and more into rage while he lovelessly firing the food into the fridge. Still, don't you dare to open your mouth and remind him that these things are groceries you still want to eat somehow.

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Jin and Yoongi leaning against the door frame. "Hm, Jimin? What happened? The same problem as always?" There is coming a dangerously deep growl from Jimin's throat, which gives you goosebumps on your whole body and you let your head hang even lower when he lays his intense gaze on you. Despite your size, you seem so submissive and Jimin so damn dominant even when he's shorter than you. Now everyone would recognize who is Dom and who is Sub here!

Jin grimaces as if he's in pain when he's watching Jimin, how carelessly he's putting the fruits into the fridge. "Jimin, let me unpack the rest of the groceries and go with Yoongi and Y/N into the living room. Tell the others what happened.”

You don't miss the very satisfied smirk that appears on Jin's lips when you're looking at him. Oh fuck, you're going to have problems for your behavior... as different as every of your boyfriends are, but when it comes to the acceptance of their status as a Dom, they hold together mercilessly.

When you walk into the living room, you feel like you are on the way to the Day of Judgement. When you walk through the door frame, you see all four other pairs of eyes curiously looking at you. Whatever they did before, reading a book, playing video games on TV or writing on new lyrics, they put down their work and focused their entire interest on you.

When your eyes meet Taehyung's, he raises one of his eyebrows in a damn sexy, arrogant manner and crosses his arms. "Hm, babyboy? What did you done to make your daddy so angry? Hm? Tell us!"

Now all six pairs of eyes turn on you and an uncomfortable silence returns to the room until you finally open your lips with bright red cheeks and tell in a shaky voice how it cames to the misunderstanding in the shop.

You went grocery shopping with Jimin today and on the way back you drove to the sexshop of your trust to buy lube again from the special brand, which is only sold in a few sex shops. While Jimin went to the shelf with the basics to get the lubricant, you liked it to stroll around in the shop and to look a bit for things that you could bought yourself to give your daddies a little pleasure...

At that moment a metal buttplug with a beautiful azure blue gem catched your interest. But suddenly there was a young man next to you who looked like a new employee of the shop and was enthusiastic, maybe a little too enthusiastic. Since Jimin and you were the only customers in the shop at that time, he assumed that you were a couple (which is more or less true...).

“This is a really nice buttplug, made out of the highest quality material! I bet with you, it will look wonderful in the butt of your little darling~ I can immediately see that you are his dom! Sweet in the streets, hard in the sheets, right?"

And he didn't said that very quietly, after all you were the only customer in the store and maybe he thought he could make Jimin, as your sub, a little bit shy. Jimin's cheeks flushed red, but not out of embarrassment, but out of anger.

The last words come from your lips and you look like a kicked puppy, hardly dare to look into the eyes of your other Doms. Namjoon is the first to speak.

"Hm, Baby? Why didn't you immediately corrected the situation that the plug is for you and not for Jimin? That you wanted to choose a plug, to please your Daddy with that adorably gemmed buttplug in our sweet Babyboy's ass? Why did you put your Daddy in such an uncomfortable situation?"

"Was our big boy too shy to say he wanted the plug? Or did he just wanted to be a little bratty, after all, he knows how much Jimin hates it for being misinterpreted... You enjoy it when everyone thinks that you are his Dom... and not his whiny sub, right?~", Hoseok joins the lecturing and looks at you with a dark gaze over the border of his glasses. This look with his glasses that make your legs weak.

You want to explain everything, that this accident is not your fault but you're cutted off pretty quickly.

"I think our bratty babyboy should pay for his bad behavior... how about our Prince kneeling down in front of Jimin and giving him a blowjob? Let Jimin fuck his face until he has his cock deep in his throat? We all see how submissive our big boy is, taking that cock so well? I would really enjoy this sight and I think the others too, right?", says Jungkook with a cocky expression on his face, thighs spread open and rubbing his crotch with a dirty smirk on his lips.

Your cheeks become crimson red, but you can't deny it, that the thought is turning you on to please Jimin on your knees like the good, decent boy you are and have all of your other doms behind you and watching you, how well you 'll take Jimin's cock deep into your throat.

"Yes, Babyboy, do it. Your Sir is waiting to see you taking care of your Daddy's dick.", agrees Yoongi with a growling voice, sitting down in his throne-like wingchair and is about to unbuckles his belt.

"Oh fuck, baby... I love the sight of you being obedient to the maknaes...", sighs Jin from the doorframe, massaging shamelessly his own growning bulge.

Slowly you sink down on your knees, gulping when your in the same level with Jimins not so small bulge in his pants. You're getting so hard in your own jeans that it's difficult for you not to start whining. You never admit it to them, but you love it to do filthy things in front of all of them.

446 notes · View notes

salt-sass-and-lyrium · 3 years

Text

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD YOU GUYS

Sometimes the world is so small you end up inadvertently having Anthony Mackie discourse on Tumblr with the girl who was OBSESSED with you in college and just about Single White Female-d our mutual friend.

AKA

I’m tired and petty so there’s piping hot tea within

SO I’m not gonna name a name here because I don’t wanna out anybody, buuuut I’m like 99.9999% sure that one of the people I’m debating Anthony Mackie with is my former high school and college friend who I’ll call M.

I bring this up, because M has a ... lets say ‘questionable’ history of wildly misinterpreting completely platonic relationships.Or things in general, tbh. She once thought her and another friend of mine were in a legitimate relationship, to the point where she felt said friend ‘cheated on her’ when she went out with her boyfriend. Yes, said friend who I’ll call E, was literally in a relationship with a man and M thought that ‘no, THEY were the ones in a relationship’, despite the fact that everything was 100% platonic. And E was ya know... straight.

I heard about this second hand from E, but she once wrote a letter to a mutual friend explaining that she bailed on his birthday party because me and E were going, and when me and E drink, we get cuddly (because we did, I’m a very affectionate drunk) and that, and I quote: “pisses [her] off”. E found this letter, unsent, completely in tact ‘thrown away’ in the kitchen trashcan (so, you know, E would find it). This eventually lead to her literally confessing her love for E, who was completely baffled. Cuz, you know. They weren’t romantically involved. E called me afterward and like... wooow what a night. Honestly that’s not event he tip of the iceberg now that I think about it... holy shit do I have stories.

I shouldn’t even get into the weird shit when we were roommates. But okay, here’s one: She legit got pissed at me because I basically lived my own life without consulting with her and telling her what I was doing. Like, how dare I go to class at the same time each day and not tell her?? How dare I go out with friends and not invite her (because she always said no)??? (and yes,I have receipts). She came to me once and told me she was giving me the cold shoulder by not telling me her comings and goings because I wasn’t telling her. I legitimately hadn’t even noticed because I’m not her fucking mother and don’t pay attention to her day to day activities. I legit had to have a conversation with her where I actually said “WE’RE NOT FUCKING MARRIED”. It got out of hand in the end.

Oh holy shit. Another friend of mine, L, told me they had a falling out maybe a year or so back and he had to block her because she started calling him a rape apologist for liking Pokemon Go and rare candies (it’s... a whole thing). One of us unfriended the other many many many moons back, I honestly don’t remember. The only “recent” things I’ve heard about M are pretty much more of the same “whew dodged that bullet” stories.

And you know.. not to shit on this person or anything, I honestly completely forgot they existed until I saw their blog name and it sounded familiar and a few quick searches jogged my memory, but... this is honestly just fucking hilarious to me. I mean, what are the odds? And on this subject, of all things??? Nothing interesting ever happens to me but.. this is pretty interesting.

I’m not going to say anything to them, or probably really interact with them again because M (if it’s her) is doing what she used to do, and on some level I know she knows she’s wrong, buuuut tbh once was enough for me.

#please don't try and figure out who this person is that'd be so shitty #tea #personal #college was a weird time #i might clean this up later it's like 5am i need to go to bed #anthony mackie discourse

1 note · View note

kob131 · 5 years

Text

https://vanillo.co/v/T2piRZ5GCS

You know, I actually respected your video on RWBY beforehand, even if it had issues...

Now I see that trust was misplaced.

Before he even makes a point, he goes onto explain why he’s making this video.

The reason being and I quote-

“Why? Because I know it’ll make the RWBY fans made that I dare to consider something better than RWBY or because I want to make a legit comparison between two shows, both came out in the same year, both have themes of oppression, both involve fighting monster, have a focus of fighting within, have unique weapons and....ect ect.”

Yeah, this has two major issues.

1. If MangaKamen is doing this to piss off RWBY fans then why should we trust anything he says? One of the quickest ways to piss off a fan is to lie about their series and misrepresent them so how do we know that the mistakes in the video are due to honest overlooks or he did it on purpose to be a disingenuous troll? Not only that but this immediately paints all RWBY fans (and yes, all. He didn’t make any distinction) as irrational and fanboyish so no RWBY fan can argue against his video in good faith, even if they have legitimate grievances with the content. Right off the bat, he’s already put himself in a point where everything he says will be taken with a grain of salt.

And 2. You notice something about the list of things MangaKamen gave for similarities? Let me bullet it point them:

* Same year

* theme of oppression

* fighting

*fighting monsters

* unique weapons

Yeah I bet you’ve caught on now: all but one of these are INCREDIBLY vague.

First off, fighting is a common conflict resolver in media so that shouldn’t even count/

Second, fighting monsters is only barely more specific than just standard fighting and even then there could be any number of differences between the monsters and what they could represent in the story so...no dice.

Oppression is a very common theme in media, ranging from slavery to racism to classism to any form of unfair system stifling freedom. It can be almost anything.

Being released in the same year...I have no idea what that has to do with anything and thousands of pieces of media are released every year. This...is just weird.

And I only discount ‘unique weapons’ because there is no MENTION of how the weapons are unique nor do I know enough about GAIM to debunk this so I can’t say anything.

This isn’t even getting into how important each piece here is to the show as a whole, like how the theme of oppression isn't a major focus in the show and is limited to one character while the monsters are just one part of the antagonistic force of the show. So… Yeah. This comes across as reaching.

And sadly, this is a reoccurring theme.

And now we get into the main point of this video apparently: the basic plot.

And right off the bat we have a problem.

MangaKamen talks about the main characters of RWBY with him zooming on Yang;s breasts as he talks about ‘supposed’ elements of Yang and makes a laughing gif when he describes Weiss as ‘A selfish and self centered girl who becomes kinder and nicer’ in a mocking way. He’s presenting this as a serious basis for the show while also apparently trying to be a troll which just makes him come across as untrustworthy. Again.

There’s also the issue with how he portrays the main plots of the series.

RWBY: ‘A fictional world with Dust, Fanaus and Grimm were humanity fought for survival against the Grimm and eventually came up with the Huntsmen to fight the Grimm. The series follows the four girls in their adventures.’

GAIM: ‘This is a AU version of our world in the massive city of Zawane, built around the Yggdrisill Corporations’ tower, where we have these dance team composed of youths called Beat Riders who instill joy into the citizens. Mixed with them is a Pokémon-esque game called The Inves Game where they summon the Inves with items called Lockseeds. One day, Kouta Kazuraba’s former team loses to someone who invites him to come look at something. This is the Sengoku Driver where the Driver’s first wearer can transform into a Rider with a Lockseed. The mystery of Yggdrisil, the Driveers and the Lockseeds envelop Kouta and the cast.’

… I feel like explaining why these two don’t work would be insulting my readers but it’s what I gotta do.

First off, Remnant is a completely separate world from our own and thus would logically have quite a few differences with our own in how they view things, how things operate and how their governments and such work. Meawhile, Zawame is based on our world with minor differences which means these people’s values should be extremely similar to our own, how things operate should work similar to our world and their governments and such should be akin to ours. This is just a few aspects of what makes these different hut you get the picture: Remnant and Zawame have almost nothing in common aside from the basic inherent elements inescape to human fiction since fiction ahs to be based on something.

Secondly, Dust is basically elemental gunpowder, Fanaus are just people with animal traits and the Grimm are basically those endless RPG mooks. They are nothing like what MangaKamen states Drivers, Lockseeds and Inves are. They are nothing alike once again so it just drives home for the THIRD time how bizarre the comparisons are.

Third: What a Huntsmen is and what a Rider/Beat Rider is have a very fundamental difference. A Huntsmen is an official profession and thus carries with it an inherent sense of duty and honor to the audience, similar to a firefighter or a police officer. A Beat Rider is basically an unofficial entertainer, who is closer in nature to being a YouTuber which carries a very different connotation to the audience. Now you could argue that the comparison isn’t fair and that I should be using Riders as the counterpoint...except that beinga Rider has no definition other than ‘person who transforms using a Driver and a Lockseed’. It’s more like a Semblance in nature: a power rather than a profession.

Fourth: It sounds like Kouta just so happened to stumble upon the Driver through this one person rather than seeking it out or training for it, like Ruby or really everyone in the main hero cast of RWBY. These carry very different meanings and feelings in fiction MangaKamen, and they serve very different end goals for the heroes on the story as the first begins a story of an unlikely hero into a more ideal hero while the other is more a story about being honorable and doing the right thing. These aren’t mutually exclusive and can work together, like in the case of Spider Man, but you didn’t communicate this.

Fifth: There really isn’t a mystery element in RWBY, at least not until the fourth of so Volume with Salem whereas it seems like the mystery of the Lockseeds, Drivers and Yggdrisil are all ingrained into the story of GAIM.

Really, at this point, MangaKamen should have stopped and really thought about what he was doing at this point because when you have this many issues of this severity in the very beginning of your video, you should probably consider whether or not this is a good idea. Sort of like with MatPat and how he should have reconsidered his many wrong theories when issues started rising in them.

I mean, when I catch myself doing this, I stop and reconsider what I’m doing so it can’t bee that difficult.

Anyway, we then move onto the supposed ‘themes’ that the shows both share ‘extremely.’ Those themes being ‘Coming Of Age’ and ‘Getting Over Yourself.’

… Yeah, not only does he not define what the second theme actually is which means there’s a very real chance that people could misinterpret what he says unintentionally but the first theme is one of the MOST used themes in all of fiction. Like, 99% of Shounen, Shoujo and teenage-aimed fiction in America among so many others is Coming of Age stories, each having examples pf being told in vastly different ways with vastly different tones, styles, characters, worlds and so on. To just present the base trope as valid comparison would be to conflate these two to literal THOUSANDS of pieces of media.

But it gets worse. He goes onto explain himself by saying in GAIM, Kouta believes that the Goku Driver and the transformation will make him a ‘better man’ which isn’t true (demonstrated by him trying to help some construction workers by transforming and jumping up to them with some buckets, making things worse) and he questions his own beliefs and what he needs to do, even if it means sacrificing himself in some way. And in RWBY, Yang has to learn how to think in her battles after losing her arm.

Okay here we know so little about Kouta that I have no idea if this is an actual development for him. Judging by the clips shown, Kouta seems like the kind of guy who’d be self sacrificing by nature considering the almost child-like glee he shows in his transformation and helping others while I know so little about him that I have no idea if he is doubtful of himself normally or it’s an actual development. Same goes for Yang, we have no information on Yang outside of being the big sister type and losing her arm. We see Yang leaping at Adam in a clip but without context we have no idea if this is justified or not or if it’s a reoccurring issue with Yang or not. This is aimed at people who haven’t seen either series so this lack of information is damning and makes his point brittle and weak.

And it breaks if you actually think about it. The issues with Kouta are based on him as a person and helps him directly grow as a person whereas the way MangaKamen presents Yang it’s displayed as though she only really grew as a fighter. (He does say that Yang ‘matured from her previous personality’ but that’s not the result of her training, it was more the result of her experiences and even then one could argue she didn’t ‘mature’, she just changed.) And even then, these two developments don’t have anything common other than...being developments in the characters.

And then we have the fact that this isn’t an application of themes, this is just CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Character Development is NOT a theme and yet here MangaKamen is trying to portray it as such. I have no idea why but if I had to guess he realized that the shows didn’t have anything in common beyond basic ideas so he tried dressing up character development as a specific theme.

This gets especially egregious when you consider who SHOULD be Kouta’s counterpart here. Ruby Rose undergoes development revolving around her beliefs being questioned and questioning what she needs to do in order to be a hero. Instead of this comparison with Yang that makes no sense and makes MangaKamen look like an idiot for comparing two different types of character development under the guise of the nebulous and undefined ‘getting over yourself’, he could have reinforced the theme of ‘coming of age’ or ‘being a hero’ with Ruby.

Now why did he not bring up Ruby? Well, again I can only guess...and neither one flattering. 1. He knows Ruby is being questioned not by outside viewpoints like Kouta and her questioning comes not from how to be a hero but the difficulties of being a hero. Or 2. He’s using Ruby to bash her home series. This supported by his first actual point being ‘Is Ruby Even The Main Character?’

However, I will point out that he tries to portray Yang’s loss of her arm and resulting PTSD as the same as Kouta coming to terms with killing a man. because ‘both went through a depressed spell.’ Which is a Trope called Heroic BSOD...one of the MOST used Tropes.

Look, I’d love to continue but for some reason the link started having a 502 issue. And at this point you get the picture. If the link starts back up again or when the video gets uploaded to YouTube, I’ll make a separate post addressing those points.

But numerous times throughout the videos introduction MangaKamen shows that he’s blatantly ignoring facts and information that contradict his assertions and his points, to the point I can only assume he’s being a disingenuous troll or he’s doing this to prop up GAIM. All things he’s called out in the past.

So for now, congrats MangaKamen. How’s it feel to be MatPat for a change? Because you’re being just as intellectually dishonest as him.

I’m Knight Of Balance and remember to examine your fandoms.

#rwby #rwby6 #mangakamen

33 notes · View notes

diyunho · 5 years

Text

The Joker x Reader -”Venom” Part 2

The Joker broke into a top secret lab to steal vials with an experimental pathogen and what he found in there was actually Venom. From that moment on life has been more complicated, but thankfully chaos is The King of Gotham’s trademark style.

Part 1: http://diyunho(dot)tumblr.com/post/179365800921/the-joker-x-reader-venom

-- You and The Joker are spending the day at the beach with Venom. The symbiote is frying in the scorching sun while the couple found refuge beneath the huge umbrella.

“Aren’t you hot?” you address the alien and he turns on his side, enjoying the outdoors.

“No. On my planet we have 10 suns like this one so I’m cold.”

“Wow, that’s amazing! Did you hear that?” you enthusiastically elbow J. He’s currently dozing off with his head on your tummy because he wants to feel the baby kicking. I mean, you're one month pregnant and there’s really nothing going on yet but The King of Gotham dismissed the obvious.

“Huh?” The Joker opens one eye, unhappy to be woken up.

“On Venom’s planet they have 10 suns!” you repeat, super passionate on the subject.

“Fascinating,” J growls under his breath. “Aren’t they on the verge of extinction if they only have 10 young males in their world?”

“What?!” you frown, not understanding what he means.

“You said they have 10 sons,” J gets annoyed since it’s not clicking for you.

How does he always misinterprets everything?!

“No, not 10 sons as in kids, 10 suns as in celestial bodies!” you flare your arms around, pointing at the shiny globe in the sky.

“Stop wiggling around, the baby might move and I’ll miss it!” J gets pissed and holds you tighter.

“The baby won’t move. There’s barely anything in here!” you poke your tummy. “We don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl, too early to tell.”

Venom yawns and extends one of his arms to touch your tummy for a few moments, carefully listening.

“The little human is going to be like you, Y/N.”

You gasp and The Joker lifts his head up, suddenly alert.

“You mean a girl?!” your boyfriend’s mouth opens in amazement.

The alien licks some sand because he loves the taste, then nods in agreement.

“Yes. Mmmmm…crunchy…” Venom shoves more sand in his face, savoring the exquisite flavor.

“We’re gonna have a girl!” you scream and kiss The Joker, while he’s still stunned. “We should start decorating the nursery! Let’s go on a heist tonight!”

“Great idea, Pumpkin!” he agrees, already having a place in mind.

-- Yeah…it didn’t happen. Y/N and J had a huge fight and she left to spend the night at the hideout near the Bridge of Angels. She’s actually contemplating spending the rest of her life there…

If only!

You took a hot shower and just began reading a book, not that you can concentrate on the words dancing in front of your eyes.

You jump when the sound of broken glass interrupts your quiet night. Something else is being smashed, then another object. You creep out from behind the wall to take a peak in the main warehouse only to see Venom on a rampage, shattering a bunch of your favorite art pieces.

“What the hell are you doing?!” you barge in as the alien prepares to wreck a valuable Ming Dynasty ceremonial vase, gifted to you by the Joker two months ago. “That’s part of my collection!” you yell at him and Venom brings you up to date:

“This is how we woo females on my planet: we destroy everything they like!” and without further comment: Bam! your beloved vase is history. Literally.

You are so outraged you forgot to breathe.

“If you touch one more thing I’ll never talk to you again!!”

The symbiote doesn’t have any doubts about his courtship skills, but hearing your serious threat makes him have second thoughts:

“It didn’t work…” Venom whispers to The King of Gotham.

“Did he put you up to this?” you sulk and prepare to let out an outpour of indignation.

“No. I told him what my kind does to get the attention of a female and he said it’s a great idea, plus that we should also blow up your car after we’re done here to seal the deal.”

“Excuse me?!” you get on your toes in order to be closer to Venom’s face.

Uh-oh, you seem super mad.

“You’re on your own,” the alien immediately disappears, leaving his host completely exposed to an angry Y/N.

“Goddamn traitor,” The Joker shrieks through his clenched jaw.

You and J glare at each other with contempt, ready to fight again.

“Why are you here?” you pout and as usually, your boyfriend blames another:

“Venom dragged me out of The Penthouse in the middle of the night against my will! I didn’t want to see you!”

“We missed you and he couldn’t sleep,” the alien’s voice spits out.

“Shut up!” J growls and Venom has more information:

“He was afraid you’re not coming back and panicked. So we decided to come for you.”

“These are aberrations,” the feisty Joker casually scratches his thigh, accidentally pulling down on his gold boxers that happen to be your favorite. The elastic fabric nicely hugs all his perfect curves, not that you noticed such a trivial detail.

“What are you doing?” Venom hisses in his host’s ear.

“Zip it! This is how we woo women on this planet!” The Clown prince of Crime grumbles as your eyes check him out.

-- “Go home…” you kick his shin, your defense lowered due to the skimpy attire he’s wearing.

“He says you are his home,” Venom reads The Joker’s mind and decides to share.

“I didn’t say such nonsense!” J straightens his back, proudly disclosing his perspective on the matter.

“You were thinking it,” the symbiote blurs out. “And he really missed you.”

“I was only gone for three hours,” you pout and The Joker scolds the alien:

“Stay put and shut your trap!”

Y/N is contemplating her existential choices while The Joker crosses his arms on his chest, mentioning the main hardship:

“I’m cold!”

“Maybe you should have worn more clothes than a pair of tight boxers,” you unconsciously bite on your lip.

“It’s none of your business how I decide to dress myself,” J blows a rebellious strand of green hair off his face, indifferently resting his arms on his hips now, this way you can see the tattoos in all their glory.

Not to mention the soft skin you certainly don’t care about.

You’re still hesitating so it needs to be reinforced:

“I said I’m cold!”

A second look at those boxers and you pout more.

“Come to bed then…” you drag your feet on the concrete and the boyfriend follows with a huge smirk.

“I can’t believe you did something right!” Venom is sincerely amazed at the Joker’s strategy.

“Give me five!” J extends his hand in the air and the alien hisses:

“Five what?”

“Ugh, you’re killing me!”

“No, I’m not. Our DNAs are a match. I’m not harmful to you; quite the opposite.”

“Seriously now!” J gets annoyed because sometimes Venom doesn’t get the meaning of Earth’s entire vocabulary.

“I’m always serious,” the symbiote doesn’t get this one either.

J is short on patience and doesn’t have time to explain the meaning of words in different contexts so he teases:

“If you’re always serious, come out and have a serious talk with Y/N.”

“No way,” the alien refuses. “My survival instincts advise of the opposite. On my planet we don’t mess with enraged members of the opposite sex: they’re very dangerous.”

“Pfft, you guys are sissies, you don’t know how to handle them,” J expresses his conviction on a subject he has no clue about.

“But you don’t know how to handle Y/N, you mess up all the time. Aren’t you a sissy too?” the symbiote innocently concludes.

The Joker is absolutely, indubitably and unquestionably shocked at the remark.

“How dare you?! I’m The Joker and…”

“We are Venom!” the alien argues.

“No, we are Joker!”

“Venom!”

“Joker!”

“Not again!” the annoyed girlfriend crawls on her side of the bed, fed up with her shitty night.

-- You keep your distance and J pulls you on top of him without any extra effort.

“Warm me up!” he slides his fingers in your pajama shorts, gropes your butt and keeps his hands there. “First you’re gonna warm me up because it improves my dexterity, then we’re gonna full around and then I’ll listen to the baby,” a new schedule is laid out.

“There’s nothing to listen to, our daughter is just a small bean,” you grouchily mutter. “And I don’t want to full around, I’m upset.”

“Then get off me, Y/N!” The Joker smells your hair, holding you tighter.

“No…” you adjust your body on top of his, squirming around since it’s nice to feel him close.

“I bet in 10 minutes you’ll rip my boxers to pieces; I know you want me, you’re just playing hard to get.”

You sniffle and bury your face in his neck; such a strange coincidence he’s wearing your favorite cologne.

“Mark my words: 10 minutes!” The Joker’s prediction resonates in your exhausted brain.

In about 7 minutes you’re both out, tired after the eventful evening; Venom finally emerges, testing the waters.

You’re snoring with your mouth opened, also drooling a little bit and one dark tentacle gently pushes up your chin.

Snoring intensifies.

“Such beautiful sounds coming out of her,” Venom admires the noise and curls around the King and Queen of Gotham. “Nice humans,” he licks your foreheads, pleased the cringe worthy octanes flowing out of Y/N are getting louder and louder.

-- “We have company!” you warn your boyfriend and Venom is more than excited: he took over for tonight’s robbery at the baby store, this way everything runs smoother. Batsy’s cape is floating on the top of the opposite building and the alien opens one of the huge windows, waving at the masked vigilante.

The Batman’s body is transformed into Venom’s favorite relative, the creature expanding until it reaches over.

“This is my cousin Poison,” the symbiote presents him to a totally smitten Y/N.

“Oh… my…. God… so cute!” you squeal and Venom adds:

“It’s a burden that cursed the entire family.”

“I like your girlfriend,” Poison wraps himself around your waist and you giggle, ticklish at his touch. “We’re still single,” he gestures towards Bruce Wayne. “He ordered a new pair of tights so I guess we’ll be busy for a while.”

Venom lets The Joker out because he wants to get his nemesis’s attention:

“Hey, hey!!” J flares his arms around. “Hey, loser!!! How are the stretchy pants fitting, huh?” he maliciously snickers and Batsy gets worked up at the innuendos.

“What did you say, Clown??!!”

“STREEETCHY PAAAANNTTTSSS!” The Joker has no problem yelling back the insult.

“I had enough of his crap!! Let’s get him!!” Batman commands his alien without success:

“I’m not engaging in any type of combat with cousin Venom!”

“We’re going to beat that jerk to a pulp!” J fumes as his symbiote yanks him away from the imminent altercation:

“No, I’m not fighting cousin Poison! I told you we like each other!”

-- Jeez, such a mess: The Joker was furious at the missed opportunity, not to count your disappointment that the first encounter with Venom’s cousin was abruptly ended over some stupid stretchy pants.

Things calmed down in the household after you started talking about baby names again, all three parties involved finally agreeing on the first name: Emma.

But the last name… that’s a different story.

“Emma Von Joker sounds very royal,” J scoffs and arrogantly ignores your displeased attitude.

“Emma Von Venom is better!” the alien clings to you, softly petting your knees in order to get your approval.

“Von Joker!”

“Von Venom!”

You wish there was a way you could beam them both into outer space because they’re driving you nuts.

Thankfully, you might have a solution to end the useless conflict:

“What if we use that couple name you came up with last week?”

“JoVen?” The Joker gets pumped up since it was his idea.

“Emma Von JoVen,” the symbiote debates, then exposes all his 89 teeth in what you might call a smile. “It sounds good.”

“Hmmm…. has a certain ring to it,” J takes the bait.

“What if we skip the “Von” and we just go straight to Emma JoVen?” you manipulate the conversation in order to get what you want. You caress Venom’s big head and seductively wink at your boyfriend, puckering your lips in the process.

The Joker is so eager to get laid after falling asleep last night he’s not fussing for once:

“Alright, we can do that.”

“OK,” the alien is fast to agree, happy he has your affection again.

Despite everything, Venom and his host are pretty lucky to have a woman they don’t know how to handle.

Not bad for two sissies.

Also read: Masterlist

http://diyunho(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

#the joker x reader #the joker imagine #the joker fanfiction #the joker jared leto #the joker #venom #venom x reader #venom x you #venom x joker #the joker x venom #the joker x reader x venom #joker #joker fanfiction #joker suicide squad #mister j #Mistah J #dc #DC comics

122 notes · View notes

avanneman · 5 years

Text

Who’s dumber, Trump or the “Intelligence Community”?

I won’t keep you in suspense. IT’S TRUMP! The bad news—or, I guess, the worse news—is, it’s a close contest. And the worst news—for now—is that it’s not just funny dumb but, all too likely, disastrous dumb. Because the real objective for both sides—though they’re choosing different routes—is a new Cold War, with ever-tightening tensions, ever-emerging “crises”, and ever-mounting defense budgets as far as the eye can see. That $700 billion defense budget, for example. Don’t you find that a little bit embarrassing? How about $1,000,000,000,000? You know, a solid trillion! Isn’t that more American? Isn’t that how we roll?

Well, oy vey, oy vey, is all I can say. A week ago or so, our “intelligence chiefs”, aka the “Military Intellectual Complex”, a gag that has taken me a full decade to come up with, reported to Congress that, as the New York Times explained it “North Korea is unlikely to dismantle its nuclear arsenal, that the Islamic State group remains a threat and that the Iran nuclear deal is working. The chiefs made no mention of a crisis at the U.S.-Mexican border for which Trump has considered declaring a national emergency.”

If you’ve keeping up with the news, you know that Trump didn’t take kindly to the “chiefs”— FBI Director Christopher Wray, CIA Director Gina Haspel and Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats—dissing his priorities and inserting their own, calling their comments “extremely passive and naïve”, which is what they could have said about him.

As Scott Ritter, writing for the American Conservative, points out, the American intelligence community has a long history of getting it wrong:

In this case, Trump is right and his detractors are wrong.

The current crop of national intelligence chiefs are cut from the same cloth as their predecessors. They are careerists who have risen to the top not through their analytical or operational talents, but through their willingness to conform to a system that is designed not to challenge conventional thinking—especially when such thinking sustains policies that have been given the imprimatur of the entrenched establishment.

That’s definitely true, and Ritter goes on to detail the number of times the CIA et al. have gotten it all wrong at the behest of their political masters. But Trump’s major beef with the Military Intellectual Complex is that it isn’t obedient enough to his every claim—because, of course, Trump believes that it’s the job of every government employee to give him unlimited and unstinted personal loyalty. If Trump had his way, the MIC would be praising him for averting a major war with North Korea, thanks to his warm personal relationship with best bud (one of them, at least) Kim Jong Un, not to mention how withdrawing from the agreement with Iran guarantees that that nation will never acquire nuclear weapons and indeed all but guarantees the complete collapse of the evil mullahs in the very near future.

What’s worse—much worse, in fact—beyond this affront to Trump’s massive, and massively unstable, l’amour-propre—is that—given the way of the world—the world of DC, at least—the future of American foreign policy is likely to be a malign, split the difference mish-mash of the worst of both Trump’s and the MIC’s competing “visions”. The myth of the Trump-Kim Jong Un bludbruterschaft will fade, but the myth that North Korea’s nuclear weapons constitute an “existential threat” to the U.S. will be dusted off and brandished whenever peace is in danger of breaking out. While Trump may actually succeed in getting U.S. troops out of Syria and Afghanistan, that victory may be more than cancelled out by his compulsive determination to kick some as of yet unspecified ass in Iran as Trump, both led on and enabled by National Security Advisor and war whisperer in chief Tom Bolton, keeps ratcheting up the tension, sure that something cool and electorally advantageous will happen if he just keeps on poking and prodding long enough and hard enough.

In the meantime, of course, Trump keeps antagonizing China, while Congress keeps antagonizing Russia. There is much not to like about both nations. One has a de facto authoritarian president for life and the other a fuehrer de jure. One seeks to expand a “philosophy” of reactionary chauvinism in Europe, while the other seeks to recover—really, to invent—its “natural role” as the dominant economic and cultural force throughout Asia. Both nations are harassing the U.S. in a variety of unattractive ways, but both are, literally, at the opposite ends of the earth from the U.S.1

Russia, whose economic sophistication is still decades behind the West, Germany in particular, is an annoyance far more than a danger, though Putin, lustily waving his nuclear weapons, which he would never dare use—for what could he gain that would be worth the nuclear holocaust that the U.S., Britain, and France could and would all inflict upon him?—is less of a danger. Back in the day, President Eisenhower used to say “There won’t be a war. Khrushchev knows that, no matter what, I can always destroy Moscow, and there’s nothing he wants so much that he’ll give up Moscow to get it,” words that are a thousand times more true today than back in the fifties.

The real danger of nuclear weapons is the triggering of their use by accident, confusion, or misinterpretation of the other side’s actions. During the Cuban missile crisis, Soviet anti-aircraft installations in Cuba had strict orders not to shoot at U.S. planes flying overhead, but one Soviet officer fired anyway, when he saw the Cubans doing so. “We were here to protect our Cuban brothers,” he explained. On several occasions, U.S. surface ships dropped “warning” depth charges near nuclear-armed Soviet submarines. See, because it didn’t hit you, it was a warning shot. So you shouldn’t feel threatened. If we wanted to kill you, you’d already be dead. That’s the difference.

Trump, by abrogating our treaty with Russia regarding intermediate-range missiles, has given the Pentagon an exceedingly early Christmas present. It’s clear that Trump likes breaking treaties—it feels so manly. I suspect that Trump wants another arms race. It’s fun spending money, and maybe, just maybe, he could build the world’s biggest bomb, or the world’s biggest, well, the world’s biggest penis shaped object, a goal that seems to exert a fascination over many billionaires, both real and imaginary.

It is bad enough to get into a nuclear pissing match with a pissant2 country like Russia, which is spacious in the possession of dirt but has a defense budget less than a tenth the size of ours, about $61 billion in 2017—buying, of course, that wonderful Russian technology, which is light years in advance of our own, if you believe Comrade Putin, not to mention those professional liars in the Pentagon and elsewhere, and even else-elsewhere. But getting into a shoving match with China is a whole ’nother level of stupidity, and danger.

China, unlike Russia, is a true “rival” to the United States, something that we have never really experienced before. The Soviet Union certainly sought world leadership, and had the advantage of millions of true believers in the great 20th century myth of “the Revolution”, when those who had nothing would at once have everything, while China “only” has its massive size and steadily growing economy as a fit vehicle for dominating the Asian landmass in a manner somewhat similar to the dominance of the United States in the Western Hemisphere. Such strange presumption!

Sadly, it’s not only Trump and the MIC that want to get into a pissing match with China. Elizabeth Warren wants in on the action as well, claiming that we must not lose our technological lead over China. Here’s a news flash, Lizzie: no country keeps its technological advantage forever. Something that can be done once can be done again. Great Britain was the world’s workshop from about 1770 to 1870, but after that both the U. S. and Germany caught up swiftly. The U.S. was easily the world’s leading industrial nation by 1914, a lead that widened enormously when Europe all but blew itself up in first World War I and World War II. Yet by 1975, both Japan and Germany were challenging the U.S. for supremacy in the world market for passenger automobiles, an industry that the U.S. had of course invented. One decade later, the U.S. had clearly lost the “race” for dominance in the market for home entertainment electronics, something else we had invented.

Still, the U.S. had a huge, educated, homogeneous population and an unmatched system of higher education, which helped us first create and then dominate the whole field of digital electronics. But China, in a matter of decades, has emerged from a state of self ruin imposed by blind ideological obsessions to the modern age, with a population four times the size of the U.S. There is no reason why China should not emerge as a “giant” Germany, or a “giant” Japan, or, indeed, a “giant” U.S. There is no trick the U.S. can play to turn back the clock. It’s quite possible that China’s swerve to authoritarianism may ultimately lead to a stultified, self-destructive society (which, of course, would present significant dangers in its own right), but it’s also possible that, in fifty years, China’s economy could be twice the size of our own. Trying to apply the “lessons of the past”, when the U.S., in league with Great Britain and the Soviet Union, defeated Nazi Germany, with the odds seven to one in our favor (in terms of uniformed troops), and when the U.S., in league with western Europe and Japan, defeated the Soviet Union, with an economy less than half the size of the U.S. economy alone, could be literally self-defeating.

As I’ve complained before, the “left” promotes almost no reasoned opposition to the MIC, when indeed it isn’t simply repeating its talking points in less hysterical tones. Even though right-wing hawks constantly accused President Obama of being “soft” on North Korea—because if he were “firm” the commies would have surrendered immediately—the Obama Administration pushed the myth of the Korean menace as much as the Bush Administration, whose “toughness” resulted in the development of the Korean bomb in the first place. Obama, whose opposition to nuclear weapons was “sincere”—at least he thought so—apparently thought it was disastrous for any nation without nuclear weapons to acquire them, even while signing off on a trillion-dollar, entirely unnecessary, renovation of our nuclear inventory, thanks to the massive inertia of the MIC, the almost complete lack of interest on the part of liberal voters on any subject related to foreign and military policy, and the almost complete obeisance of Congress to military contractors.

Liberals are happy to ridicule the split between Trump and the MIC, but they almost always accept the MIC talking points as a convenient stick to beat Trump, without noticing or caring that they’re also promoting a new Cold War as well. It’s just that Trump’s Cold War is all about feeding Trump’s ego, while the MIC’s Cold War is all about maintaining the careers of thousands of hard-nosed, hard-working bureaucrats, both in and out of uniform, who don’t want to admit that they’re a solution in search of a problem.

Afterwords If I’ve skimped on the whole Middle East aspect of this thing, and I certainly have, well, there’s a limit to the amount of angst that I can ventilate in one sitting.

Russia is marginally closer via the over the Pole route, but they still have to go through Canada first. And that’s a lot of skiing. ↩︎

Word “recognizes” “pissant”. I did not see that coming. ↩︎

#Donald Trump #military spending #Military-Industrial Complex #Russia #China

0 notes