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daysofyellowroses · 4 months

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honey

carmen berzatto x afab!reader | 3.1k | tw: alcohol, language, and a little smut

this story is purely the result of me being due to get my period and therefore being absolutely horny as hell. apologies/you're welcome

It was late when you got back to your apartment building, later than you anticipated. Someone at work had a leaving party, and you had only planned to go for one drink but then another was put in front of you and the next thing you knew you were swaying slightly as you made your way down the hall.

Reaching into your bag, you rooted around for your keys, pulling them out with a triumphant grin. You turned the corner and raised a brow as you spotted a familiar figure sitting on the floor across from your apartment.

“Hey Carm,” You smiled, walking closer and leaning against your door. “everything okay?”

“Great,” Hey nodded, his eyes closed as he rested his head back against the wall. “Went out, had some drinks, lost my keys.”

“Damn,” You raised a brow, looking down to your own keys before looking back to Carmy. “Are you sure you lost them? Checked your pockets?”

“Of course,” Carmy murmured, resting his arms over his knees. “Can't believe I lost them, I'm such an idiot.”

You smiled as you folded your arms, tilting your head. “You're not an idiot, you're just drunk. We've all been there.”

“Not all of us,” Carmy sighed, slowly opening his eyes as he gestured to you. “This wouldn't happen to you. You're a proper adult, I'm just three kids in a fucking trench coat.”

You laughed at how serious he sounded, shaking your head.

“Don't be so dramatic. You're a proper adult, and like proper adults you do stupid shit sometimes. Now get up.”

“Nah,” Carmy waved his hand, closing his eyes and spreading his legs on the floor. “I gotta get comfortable here, I'll call cousin in the morning, he's got keys.”

“Stop being such a drama queen,” You grinned, walking closer to him and holding out your hand. You closed your eyes for a moment as the hallway started to spin, taking a deep breath.

“You're sleeping on my couch,” You smiled, slowly opening your eyes and looking down to Carmy. “No arguments.”

“Isn't it usually..the opposite?” Carmy mused, looking up at you through his lashes. “Arguments lead to sleeping on the couch..”

You laughed softly as you shook your head.

“Does it matter? Just get up, I need some water.”

After a few minutes, Carm finally got to his feet, standing still for a moment and rubbing his forehead.

“Fuck..this is why I don't drink much. Can't handle it.”

“You're doing fine so far,” You smiled, gently taking his arm. “You just need some water and sleep.”

Getting the key to your apartment, you opened the door and held it open for Carm to follow you inside.

“The couch is just down there,” You pointed down the small hallway. “Go lay down, I'll get you a blanket.”

“Alright, ‘m going.” Carmy nodded, making his way down the hall, swaying a little.

You went into the kitchen, setting your bag down on the counter and taking a deep breath. Not drunk, but not not drunk.

After a moment you filled a glass with water and took it into the living room, setting it on the coffee table. Carmy was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands as he groaned softly.

You slipped into your bedroom and took the blanket off the end of your bed, folding it and grabbing one off the bigger cushions to place on top of it. As much as your bed was screaming your name, you left the room and headed back to the living room.

“How are you feeling?” You asked as you placed the cushion on one end of the couch.

“Can't lie, not great,” Carmy sighed, rubbing his hand over his face before leaning forward to grab the glass of water from the coffee table. “you're a fucking saint doing all this..how'd I get so lucky?”

You smiled to yourself as you placed the blanket down beside Carmy and sat on the coffee table, watching him for a moment.

“Because I happened to get your mail by mistake that one time and when I learned you were the chef at my favorite restaurant I had to get in good with you. That's how.”

“Right,” Carmy nodded, smiling a little as he tapped the glass with his finger. “Well I really appreciate this. I would say I would do this for you but you wouldn't be stupid enough to lose your keys.”

“I admire your faith in me,” You raised a brow, resting your hand on the table. “I've lost my keys so many times I'm basically paying rent on an empty apartment.”

“Nah,” Carmy smiled a little, looking over to you. “You're perfect, I just know it.”

“I wish my perfection would reveal itself to me then,” You grinned, lightly rubbing your jaw. “I'm yet to find it.”

Carmy laughed a little, taking a sip of water before leaning forward to place the glass by your thigh.

“I see it,” He murmured softly, looking up to you. “you're beautiful, you're smart, you got your head screwed on, you have a home, a real life..that's pretty perfect to me.”

“Okay,” You nod, trying not to smile too much before looking up. You took a deep breath before looking back at Carmy. “I'm ‘perfect’, what are you then?”

“I'm a fucking mess,” He sighed, pushing his hand through his have as he sat back. “I don't know what I'm doing. I just see constant fires and smoke and think I'm about to have a heart attack any moment.”

You fought past your tipsy and tired state, taking a deep breath as you leaned forward and rested your hands on your knees.

“And what else?”

“And..I don't know,” Carmy murmured, looking down at himself. “I feel like I'm just floating along above my body but also like I'm so in it, you know? I can't stop anything but I feel it happening. I feel like I'm letting everyone down.”

“And who is everyone?” You asked, keeping your tone gentle.

“Everyone,” Carm repeated, looking off into the distance. “Syd. Cousin. Sug..everyone. They all know what they're doing, and I just drift along trying to keep it all together..maybe I'm just holding them back.”

“Don't be stupid,” You smiled softly, placing your hand on Carmy's knee. “you are not holding anybody back, you are not letting anybody down. If you were, they wouldn't stick around, not if they have any sense.”

Carm was quiet for a moment, nodding slowly before he looked at you.

“How can you be so sure?”

He sounded worried, like a scared child. You gently stroked his knee, giving him a smile.

“Because I can be. You're doing something new and exciting, people always want to be part of that. You're an excellent chef, and even if you don't think you know what you're doing, you do. Just get out of your own way.”

Carmy leaned forward slowly, his face close to yours, the scent of cigarettes and aftershave making your heart race.

“Get out of my own way,” He murmured softly, his gaze fixed on you. “I’m gonna try to remember that..”

He glanced down to your lips and back to your eyes, your breathing growing shallow.

“You know what else you can do for me?” You smiled, getting up to lean in and whisper in Carmy's ear. “Get some sleep.”

You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before standing up and gesturing to the blanket on the couch beside him.

“Sweet dreams.”

Once you were safely ensconced back in your room, laying in bed, you couldn't relax. All your body wanted was sleep, but your mind couldn't get off Carmy. The way he opened up to you, the way he looked at you, the knowledge that he was on the other side of the wall. It was too much for your brain to process, and your body pushed past the tiredness to send a surge of heat between your legs.

Turning onto your side, your hand flew out to open the nightstand, scrambling around in the drawer until your fingers grasped your vibrator. It was quickly taken from the drawer and you were soon on your back feeling much more relaxed.

As you felt the build up hit you, you let out a moan, closing your eyes as your free hand grabbed the pillow. You thought about Carmy bending you over the counter in the restaurant, his hand around your neck as he fucked you.

“Fuck,” You moaned as you felt close to the edge, ready to fall off. “Oh..fuck..Carm..”

“Oh, shit,”

Your eyes flew open as you heard the familiar voice, looking over to your door and finding Carmy standing in the doorway, one hand still on the door handle.

“Sorry, thought this was the..”

You scrambled to turn off your vibrator, shoving it aside and willing the floor to crumble away and take you with it.

“Thought this was the..bathroom,” Carmy murmured, rubbing his jaw before clearing his throat. “Sorry..sorry.”

He closed the door before you could speak, leaving you alone once more. How long had he been standing there? Did it matter when it was obvious what you'd done? Been in the middle of doing?

How the hell did that look, ‘tell me about your problems then I'll go and think about you fucking me while I masturbate’?

You groaned as you slapped your hand over your eyes, cursing yourself over and over til you fell asleep.

In the morning, Carmy was nowhere to be seen. The blanket and pillow were on the couch, perfectly folded. You went straight into the shower, trying to forget the previous night. Carm had been hammered, he wouldn't remember it, you hoped. It was playing over and over in your head, a constant loop of embarrassment.

You spent the morning as usual, unable to shift the uncomfortable feeling twisting your stomach into knots. After going out to run some errands, you stopped yourself knocking on Carmy's door when you got back home, telling yourself that he most likely wasn't home, and even if he was, what could you say? Sorry you maybe caught me moaning your name after you told me about your trauma?

Escaping into your apartment before you could make a further fool of yourself, you tried to focus on having a nice, relaxing evening. Cleaned your entire apartment, organized your wardrobe, made a nice dinner, put on a face mask, could not get the image of Carmy standing in the doorway from your mind.

When you were laying on the couch watching a movie later in the evening, you were surprised to get a knock on the door. You quickly checked your phone in case you'd forgotten plans with a friend, but there was nothing. Getting up, you smoothed out the sweater you were wearing, walking to the door and opening it.

“Oh,” You raised a brow as you spotted Carmy standing on the other side, his hands behind his back. “Hi.”

“Hi,” He nodded, clearing his throat before moving his arm and presenting you with a bouquet of flowers, a slight white mark on the green packaging where the price sticker had been ripped off. They were beautiful. “I wanted to say thank you for letting me stay last night.”

“Well this is certainly a way to do it,” You raised a brow, accepting the flowers with a smile. “Thank you..I don't think anyone has ever brought me flowers before..I love them.”

“Least I could do,” Carmy shrugged, lightly rubbing his neck. “I hope I wasn't too bad of a guest? I tend to talk a little too much when I'm drunk.”

“You..no, no you were fine,” You nodded, feeling relieved that Carm didn't seem to remember the previous night but also feeling a little disappointed, strangely. “Don't worry.”

“Okay, good,” Carmy nodded with a small smile. “I promise it won't happen again, I wouldn't want you thinking I'm totally useless.”

“As if I think that,” You rolled your eyes with a smile. “Happens to the best of us.”

You glanced down to the flowers before looking back at Carmy, your stomach tightening a little.

“I should put these in some water, do you..do you want to come in for a drink or something?”

Carmy nodded after a moment, stepping inside and closing the door behind him, your heart beating faster. You walked into the kitchen, feeling very aware of Carm's presence.

“Please feel free to raid the refrigerator,” You smiled as you set the flowers on the counter. “I'll dig out a vase for these.”

You were sure Carmy was watching you as you rooted through the cabinets, the air feeling thick and heavy.

“Found one,” You smiled, carefully pulling a clear vase down from a top cabinet and taking it to the sink. “Knew I had one somewhere.”

“Can I ask you something?” Carmy asked, and you closed your eyes for a moment as you nodded.

“Sure,” You replied, slowly opening your eyes and running the water into the vase. “What's up?”

“Last night,” Carmy continued, his voice sounding closer. “I don't know if I just imagined it but..I could swear I heard something, coming from your bedroom.”

“Last night?” You repeated, turning off the faucet and lifting the vase onto the counter. “I don't really remember, I was a little tipsy.”

“Yeah,” Carmy nodded. “I'm probably just..misremembering things. Forget I even said anything.”

You glanced over your shoulder as you watched him go to the refrigerator, taking out a diet soda and looking at the can. You looked back to the flowers, opening a drawer underneath the counter and taking out a pair of scissors.

“There's something else I need to apologize for.”

“Oh yeah?” You raised a brow, cutting open the packing on the bouquet and laying it flat on the counter. “What did you do?”

“More like..what did I not do.”

His voice was close. You could smell cigarettes and aftershave and clean laundry.

“What didn't you do?” You asked, picking up one of the flowers and cutting the stem. Your hand trembled slightly as you felt a hand on your waist, breath tickling your neck.

“I didn't help you,” Carmy murmured softly, his hand snaking around your waist as you closed your eyes and tried to remember to breathe. This side of Carmy had been hidden to you but now that he was revealing it..you loved it.

“I know you were calling my name..thinking of me..and I just left you there, alone.”

“I..I don't know what you mean,” You murmured softly, your voice sounding thick. “I..fuck,”

You dropped the scissors onto the counter as Carmy kissed your neck slowly, his lips finding your sweet spot.

“You..you heard that?”

“Every word.”

You opened your eyes slowly as Carmy's hand dipped under the hem of your sweater, his lips lazily gliding along your neck.

“Why did you act like you didn't?” You asked, glancing down to him and biting your lip as his hand moved slowly along your stomach, his fingers lightly grazing your bra.

“Because it wasn't the right moment,” Carm murmured softly, his hand moving up to lightly tug down the cup of your bra. “I was drunk, you wouldn't have taken advantage of that. Even if you had the chance.”

You tried to steady your breathing as Carm swiped his thumb over your nipple, his free hand snaking around your waist and pulling you closer to him.

“What if I want to take advantage now?”

“I'm not stopping you.”

You took a deep breath, barely able to focus on anything but the throbbing ache between your legs. After a moment you moved your hand on top of his, slowly turning around and meeting Carmy's eyes.

“Get on your knees.” You breathed, heart pounding in your chest, moreso when Carm dropped down instantly, looking up at you.

You held out your leg, gesturing to your fluffy socks.

“Take these off.”

You watched as Carmy nodded, his hands moving carefully as he slowly peeled off each sock, setting them aside before looking back up at you. Part of you wanted to just push him onto his back and throw yourself on top of him immediately.

“Now these,” You gestured to your leggings. “off.”

Carmy moved closer to you, his hands moving to your waistband, eyes on yours as he slowly peeled your leggings away, helping you step out of them.

You peeled off your sweater yourself, tossing it aside and adjusting your bra, toying with the idea of taking it off before stopping yourself and looking down to Carmy.

“Now,” You sat up on the counter, resting your hands behind you and spreading your legs. You gripped the waistband of your panties and pulled them slightly before letting them snap back.

“Are you going to make me wait again?”

You got a growl in response, Carmy's head between your legs before you knew it. You let out a moan as he pulled your panties aside, his tongue dragging over your wet core. Your hand flew into his hair as he grabbed your thighs, fingers digging into your flesh. He was teasingly slow, the tip of his tongue darting over your clit at an agonizing pace.

“Stop being such a fucking tease,” You groaned, lightly tugging his hair.

“Please..”

You looked down and met his eyes, almost falling over the edge from the sight of him smirking at you.

“No patience, huh?” He grinned, pulling back and moving to rest his hands by your hips, the friction of his jeans on your core driving you crazy.

“I will throw you out,” You murmured, your chest rising and falling rapidly. “Don't think I won't.”

“I will think that,” Carmy smiled, moving his hand between your folds and slowly easing his finger inside you. “You wouldn't throw me out, don't even pretend.”

You closed your eyes and let out a frustrated sigh mixed with a moan as Carmy surged forward to capture your lips with his, your arms flying around his neck.

You weren't sure when he managed to unbutton his jeans but one moment you weren't filled nearly deep enough and the next moment you were crying out into his mouth.

“You gonna kick me out?” Carmy murmured against your lips, pushing into you with a forceful thrust that your eyes rolling back into your head.

“No,” You moaned, your fingers digging into Carmy's neck. “Never..”

“Knew it,” Carmy grinned, kissing you deeply as you wrapped your legs around his waist. “You're too perfect.”

#the bear #the bear 🐻#the bear fic #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x you #carmen berzatto x you #no plot whatsoever #minus plot if anything

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