#meganerinff

[goddamnitkastle]

Wait For Me

Happy #KastleChristmas! 

Yes, I did wait until the last possible second to post 🙃

And yes, I followed none of the prompt days (I think this falls under frosty friday, tradition thursday, and festive friday?? Maybe?)

Anyway here is a reunion fic, post TPS2. It’s the holidays, Karen is waiting for a package to arrive but Frank arrives instead, and it’s angsty cause of course it is.

Inspiration came from all over this time. It just might be a Christmas miracle that I didn’t find a scenario to rip off and make it Kastle for this fic. Huzzah!

A huge thank you to @evilbunnyking for being my beta reader. You are the best, your encouragement and enthusiasm made this fic happen.

Happy New Year Kastle fam! Here’s to 2022! 

Enjoy! 

“Karen Page, please stop refreshing the FedEx page. Now you’re giving me anxiety.”

Karen looks up from her phone and realizes that Ellison has strolled into her office, papers in one hand and the other hand in his pocket.

“How do you know I was checking for the package again? I could’ve been checking Twitter.” Karen fibs a little too quickly in an attempt to cover her stress.

“You and I both know you don’t do Twitter. Also this package has been the bane of both of our existences since Thanksgiving.” Ellison reminds her, which only adds to her irritation.

“If I knew ordering a case of wine and getting it shipped all the way across the country would be such a process, I think I would’ve just gotten Foggy and Marci literally anything else.”

“And remind me again, this is for their engagement party…?”

“Yes, their engagement party that they are hosting on New Year’s Eve.”

“I am sure it will get here before then.” Ellison assures her.

“It’s not just getting here before the party, Ellison, I have to sign for it - they’re not just going to leave a case of alcohol with my super. And FedEx will only make a certain number of attempts to get it delivered to me, and if I am not able to accept the delivery during any of their attempts they’re going to ship it back…”

Karen knows she is ranting at this point, so it’s a relief when Ellison raises his hand.

“It’ll be fine. And I think I can help you take your mind off of it.”  He says as he shakes the papers in his hand. “Can you look at this last editorial piece? We have to finalize this holiday edition of The Bulletin…”

“Yes, of course.”

Karen gets out of her chair and puts her phone in her back pocket. She follows Ellison to his office but she still can’t take her mind off of that damn package. Nevertheless the rest of her Monday carries on with edits and meetings, and when Karen locks her office for the night, the package remains in transit from Chicago.

…

That night Karen lies in bed, continuously refreshing the tracking page on her phone. She knows better; nothing is going to change in the three seconds it takes for her to press the curved arrow next to the URL, and yet... 

Karen groans in frustration. Snow has begun to fall outside the window. It glistens, each snowflake made of a thousand tiny diamonds illuminated by the street lights on her street. Something about the dim yellow light brings a memory, a flash of a man in black sitting across from her in a diner booth. He’s drinking coffee and giving advice about how to hold on to the people you love with two hands and to never let go of them.

She hasn’t seen Frank Castle since the hospital, when she offered him a way out. A way out of the war he refused to let go of. Why was she even thinking about him? He had made his decision and she was done standing by. He made it clear that there was no after for him and that he would not fight for one. When she walked away, she felt a chapter close.

Or so she thought. Another memory. She came home from work one random day and saw a pot of white roses on her kitchen island. She found a card with a phone number scribbled on it. She knows she should’ve been concerned that he managed to break into her apartment, but then again he did break into her car once so it honestly didn’t phase her.

She added the phone number to her phone under the initials F.C. and ripped up the card. She had thought about reaching out to him on numerous occasions but chickened out every time. 

Maybe it is loneliness. Maybe it is curiosity. Maybe she genuinely just wants to know if he is okay and still alive. It really doesn’t matter in the end. Karen calls the number and is greeted to an automated voice saying to leave a message after the tone.

She doesn’t remember what she says. It was something along the lines of that she hopes that he has found peace and that he is happy.

She goes to bed after that, thoughts of Frank dominating her mind rather than the case of wine and where it may be on its journey.

…

The rest of the week passes in a blur of twinkling lights, red and green swirls, and winter snow constantly in Karen’s peripheral vision. It’s the week before Christmas and there were deadlines to meet for the holiday edition of The Bulletin. It’s ready to go on Friday afternoon, just in time for the office party. Baked goods dominate the kitchen area as cheap wine fills everyone’s plastic cups. Karen dodges away from the festivities in her office and checks the Fedex tracking page for the first time all day.

The package has finally arrived in New York but it is taking its sweet time getting to Queens. The estimated delivery times have come and gone and now this time it is supposedly going to arrive between 4:00 PM and 8:00 PM.

“You can go Page.”

Karen jumps. Ellison has once again gotten the drop on her. He’s leaning against the door frame, shaking his head as he bites into a chocolate chip cookie. She almost wants this package to go missing just so she can get her heightened sensitivity back to normal.

“I’m so sorry, Mitchell. I honestly have not checked all day, I set up notifications to be sent when there were updates, at your suggestion. Which apparently don’t work, because I didn't even see that they have given me a new arrival time frame.”

“It’s okay. I get it. Foggy and Marci are your friends and you want to make sure that they get their gift. Just wanted to say that you did a great job this week. Now go.”

“Thank you - happy holidays!” Karen says as she grabs her purse and her coat. Ellison gets out of her way and then she’s out the door.

“Make sure you text me when the package does arrive, the suspense is killing me,” Ellison shouts to her over a Mariah Carey song. Karen gives a hasty thumbs up and laughs while descending the stairs.

…

Karen is back home in an hour and there is no sign of a FedEx delivery truck anywhere on her street. It is only after 6:00 PM though, so she still has two hours for this package to arrive.

She tries to keep herself occupied. She puts on pajamas, makes herself dinner, puts on a holiday movie with that actress from that popular teen movie, and pours herself a glass of wine. Only fifteen minutes have passed and no ring from her buzzer. She shuts the movie off and refreshes the tracking page on her phone again. Nothing has changed.

“Ugh! Come on!” Karen fumes.

Just then her buzzer goes off. Karen flies off her couch and runs to press the door button. Normally she would have asked who it was but all she could feel was elation that this package had finally arrived. 

“Oh shit.” Karen pats her pajama pants pockets and realizes that she doesn’t have her drivers license. She rushes back to the couch to grab her purse, runs back to the door, and rips it open.

It is not the wine delivery.

“Frank?”

He takes a step back but doesn’t say anything in response. In that moment all Karen does is process the fact that Frank Castle is standing outside her apartment door. His hands are in his pocket and he has grown a beard. He doesn’t look like he’s been in a gun fight and he wears a black coat. It’s a stark contrast to the last time she saw him lying in a hospital bed, handcuffed and still haunted by the loss of his entire world.

“Frank, what are you doing here?” Karen asks, realizing that he still hasn’t said anything.The prolonged pause between them has gone past the point of awkwardness.

“Hi, Karen. Did you, uh, order in?” he finally says. 

“No, I am expecting a delivery. I’ve actually been waiting on this delivery for… it feels like forever. I thought you were… a case of wine.”

“Oh. Well, I’m not.”

“No, you’re not.” Karen confirms.

“May I come in?” he asks hesitantly.

Karen involuntarily tilts her head to the side and lets out a sigh.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you said no. But you did call.”

“Yes, I called and left a message. I just wanted to see…” she starts to confess.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, I was in Louisiana…” Frank interjects, and Karen would swear that he sounds ashamed.

“Oh God, Frank, I didn’t expect you to come in person. I just thought you would call me back. You didn’t have to come here.”

“Yeah, I did.” he says after a moment.

Karen opens her mouth and then closes it. She steps to the side and opens her  door wider. Frank walks in tentatively. After Karen closes the door and locks it, she approaches Frank.

“Seriously Frank, why did you come here?”

“I had to see you,” he admits quietly. “And ask you in person…”

“Ask me what?”

“Why did you call me?”

The silence hangs between them and Karen struggles to find the words. It was impulsive to call him but she doesn’t regret it. Okay, maybe she does a little bit, given how he is asking her why. Karen then realizes that she’s been here before with him. Last time she was barefoot and he was wearing a hospital gown. His I don’t want to lingers in the back of her mind and every instinct in her wants to shut down.

“I honestly don’t know.” She says eventually. ”The way we left things…” 

“I know. I didn’t expect to hear from you ever again.”

“Is that what you wanted?” 

“I thought it was for the best.”

How does he do that? Continue to put her in a new hell every time they’re together? She knows he feels the same way she does and yet he continues to break her in the name of honesty over and over again.

“For the best? To push away the one person that still cares about you?”

“I did it for you, Karen.”

“Frank do not…” She seethes.

“I had to do it,” he says with a confidence that doesn’t meet his eyes.

Karen rolls her eyes, tucks her hair behind her ears and starts to walk toward the couch. She thinks he’s going to follow but when he doesn’t, she has half a mind to kick him out. She honestly should. Instead she turns around to face him.  

“No you didn’t. I said we could figure it out together. I gave you that choice.”

“Why did you? Why did you offer that choice at all?”

“You’re seriously asking me why?” Karen asks incredulously.

Frank scratches his beard and looks away. Karen braces herself, ready for him to walk away again. It’s what he does, nothing is going to…

“I need to hear you say it.”

Karen’s eyes widen and for a split second, she thinks she can’t do it. She’s still so angry but now he’s looking at her like she is holding his life in her hands. And they both know it, one word from her and she will never see him again.

Many nights have passed where she would stay up and think about what she would say to Frank. It was a moment she thought would never come. But here he is and he’s looking at her, agonized but hopeful. And suddenly, it comes to her.

“Frank�� I still feel the same way I did back in that hospital. Back in that elevator. Back by the waterfront. Back in the diner. I really can’t put it into words… the moment I met you I just knew. I knew you were going to be important to me. I didn’t know how and I didn’t know in what way. I love you. It’s that simple. And also difficult. But I want to try. And I think we can make it. So if you came all this way to tell me that you don’t want to for the second time then…”

In two steps Frank closes the distance between them and then his mouth is on hers. He’s cradling her face gently, brushing her cheeks with his thumbs. He pulls back, that soul searing stare of his boring into her. 

“Does that… clear some things up for you?”

Karen doesn’t answer right away. Her chest is tight and yet she feels like she’s flying.

“Yes. However I think I still need some further clarification…”

She reaches for him and crashes her mouth against his. He responds and grips her waist and back fiercely to him. When he pulls back again, out of breath, he rests his forehead against hers. There’s no blood, panic, or a gun in their space this time. Just their warm breath, the hardwood floor beneath their feet, and an ease that Karen has not felt in a long time.

“Frank, what do you want?”

“You. Just you.”

It’s everything Karen wanted to hear. She feels his heart racing beneath her palms and she wants to believe he’s feeling happy but she knows him. Frank is a man who will look for danger first, and he will throw himself in the line of fire if he thinks it will protect the people that he loves.

“I want to believe you, I just…”

She looks at him. Frank brushes her hair back and kisses her forehead. His gaze has softened but when he takes her hand in his, he is holding it like she’ll disappear if he lets go.

“I know. I pushed you away. I was trying so hard to run away from this, and it was because I was scared. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, too. But I’d rather spend whatever time I have left with you, then never see you again. I hope you’ll let me stay by your side. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

He kisses her again and she burns, he burns, they burn.

…  

They’re drinking their morning coffee on the couch. Frank only had the clothes on his back but Karen managed to find an old pair of oversize sweatpants for him. 

“Are you sure you’re not cold?” She asks for the fifth time since they woke up.

“No. In fact your apartment is hot, you got the heat on full blast or something?” He asks in a half serious, half joking tone.

“I don’t know, you’ll have to talk to my super. I don’t pay for heat here…”

Just then the buzzer goes off.

“Is that the case of wine?”

“Oh my God. I think it is.” 

Karen gets up from the couch and presses the door button. A few moments later a FedEx delivery man is in the doorway with a case of wine from a winery in California Marci visited on her 30th birthday. She pushes the delivery aside, breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Was it worth the wait?” Frank asks, emphasizing the wait. He meets her in the kitchen, sets their mugs down on the kitchen island.

“Yeah.”

“Really?” He is in complete disbelief.

“Really.” she echoes, strong and steady.

She grabs the mugs and rinses the remnants of the coffee in the kitchen sink. Frank walks over and wraps his arms around her waist, kissing the crown of her head.

“So… got any plans for New Year's Eve?” Karen inquires, hoping the question lands lightly.

“What did you have in mind?”

Karen smiles, and proceeds to tell Frank about a certain engagement party. Hopefully Foggy and Marci won’t mind that she is bringing a plus one now.

#kastlechristmas #kastlechristmas2k21 #kastle #kastle fanfiction #meganerinff #frank castle #karen page #kastlenetwork #daredevil #the punisher #wait for me

[goddamnitkastle]

The Ring

Happy Valentine’s Day!

So I finished my binge watch of the CW’s Nikita and well, I think we all know by now that I just love ripping off scenarios from other media and making Kastle fics. It’s my schtick and I’m gonna run it into the ground.

So here is an unconventional marriage proposal Kastle fic. Honestly this is probably how it would go anyway so it’s not like it’s beyond the realm of reality.

But first I want to give a huge thank you to my beta reader and editor, the amazing @joanofarkansass. This fic was initially, um, rough to put it nicely. But like a fairy godmother, she made it happen with incredible insight and gentle critique. I am literally indebted to you and I cannot thank you enough.

I also want to thank @evilbunnyking for reading the final draft, their awesome support, and catching every misplaced period and comma. Thank you!

And just a heads up, the canon in this is really screwy. Foggy and Karen know that Matt is Daredevil and Daredevil Season 2 is canon but basically just ignore the rest of the Daredevil/The Punisher Netflix/MCU timeline lol. Frank is a free man and clear of all charges here (yes that is unbelievable but just go along with it please and thank you). This is canon divergence borderlining on AU and slightly self indulgent and well, I don’t care ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Enjoy!

Karen pulls up right behind the police cruiser, about a block away from the 15th Precinct. She gets out and knocks on the windshield window, making Detective Sergeant Brett Mahoney jerk his head up at her in fear for a fraction of a second.

But once he sees her he lets out an annoyed sigh and gets out. Karen crosses the front of the cruiser to get out of the street and onto the sidewalk, trying to hide her laughter from scaring Brett.

“What’s got you nervous, Mahoney?” Karen asks as he joins her and pockets his keys.

“What’s got me... oh, you know, about to watch Frank Castle walk out and be a free man. Again.”

“Nelson and Murdock won the case. Unfortunately this was not the sequel to The People vs. Frank Castle that New York City was hoping for.”

“That you were hoping for?” Mahoney cracks, raising an eyebrow at her.

“No. Well, maybe Ellison was hoping for it, but… look I’m just glad he was acquitted and that justice prevailed. It’ll be a more positive ending to write up.”

Mahoney shakes his head and starts walking toward the precinct. Karen follows and falls into his stride.

“Look, I know he didn’t kill that mobster,” Brett starts. “As crazy as that sounds, given his track record. But he gave us a hell of a time when we arrested him…”

“Do you blame him? In the span of two years, he has been charged and put on trial for murder twice,” Karen says pointedly.

“Well, you didn’t hear me say this but… the guys did a great job convincing everyone that Frank Castle was a changed man.”

“He is a changed man, Brett.”

“Believe me Karen, I know. I thought Frank Castle was scary as a man who had nothing to lose. I was wrong. Apparently I needed to deal with Frank Castle when he’s got someone he cares about…”

Now it’s Karen’s turn to jerk her head up at him.

“What did he say?” she asks.

“Nothing incriminating, your reputation is safe... I guess. But it’s all over the man’s face Karen. He really…”

“I know.”

It’s a tense silence but the look Mahoney gives Karen is more perplexed than judgmental.

“Do Nelson and Murdock know?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“Jesus…”

“We kept it quiet for a while but when he was arrested we had to tell them. They’re… slowly coming around to it. Should only take another couple years for them to be sort of okay with us.”

“Yeah I doubt that,” Brett replies sarcastically.

Karen chuckles half heartedly in response.

He quickly sobers up again though. “Well if you’re both happy then… I am glad. You both deserve some happiness after this shit show.”

“Thank you, Brett. That’s really sweet of you.” Karen says, just barely able to hide the emotion in her voice.

“Like I said, you didn’t hear any of this from me. Alright, let’s go get him.”

Just then, the front doors of the precinct building burst open with Matt and Foggy dragging Frank away from a horde of pissed off cops.

“Shit,” Mahoney mutters. He jogs ahead toward the mob with his hands up to stop their hot pursuit.

Karen takes her .380 out of her purse and speed walks toward the commotion. She honestly hopes she’s not gonna have to use it but she’s glad to have the comforting weight of it in her hand. She catches up to Matt and Foggy as they let go of Frank. Matt tilts his head toward her, then lets out a deep sigh.

“Come on Karen, that’s not…” he says as he gestures towards her hand that’s holding her gun.

“It’s just Mahoney, Matt. They’re gonna kill him. We have to help,” Karen insists ardently.

“No, we have to get out of here,” Matt dismisses with a wave of his free hand.

“I’m with Matt on this one, Karen,” Foggy agrees. “You have no idea how lucky we got with this case. And that none of those cops tried to kill him just now.”

“Exactly, because of Brett.” She turns her attention back to Matt, who has his walking stick in a vice grip. “We can’t leave him behind.”

“The cops are just upset. They’d be stupid to try anything. He is their boss, and at the end of the day they have to follow his orders.”

“How can you be sure of that?” Karen argues.

The frustration is palpable between the three of them. Karen just then notices Frank’s silence. She turns to him and takes in his clenched jaw and that trigger finger of his tapping away against his thigh.

“Frank? Are you…”

Just then several loud shouts catch everyone’s attention. Mahoney is on the ground now and a cop has his gun drawn.

“Oh, that’s not…” Foggy gasps.

“Come on Foggy.” Matt grabs Foggy’s arm, leaving Frank and Karen alone.

“Let’s get to the car, Frank. Before this gets a lot worse…”

Frank’s expression had barely changed so when he whips his head toward her she can’t help but take a step back.

“Give me the gun,” Frank commands quickly.

“What? Why?”

“Give me the damn gun, Karen!”

He snatches it from her hands and runs back toward Mahoney and the cops.

“Where are you going?!” Karen shouts incredulously.

“To get your engagement ring!” Frank shouts back.

Karen is stunned and suddenly, the last month comes into focus for her. The jumpiness of his movements whenever she entered a room before he was arrested. His trigger finger tapping away more than usual during the trial. How his bottom lip began to tremble out of nowhere each time she kissed him.

Karen smiles as Frank bolts past Matt and Foggy. He takes on several cops at once, knocking them down like bowling pins. Karen makes her way to the boys as Foggy raises his arms in disbelief while Matt tries to pull him away.

“Unbelievable! Are you kidding me, Castle?!” Foggy yells. “Matt, can’t you do something?”

“I’m in the wrong suit, Foggy.”

“Damn it.”

“Matt is also technically blind Foggy. Do we really want to open that Pandora’s box tonight?” Karen reminds him.

“Come on, let’s get to the car. Looks like we’re gonna have to make an escape. And figure out how we can keep this quiet...” Matt muses.

“We almost got through this damn trial without issue, I swear on the Nelson name…” Foggy groans as he runs his hand over his face.

“Karen, come on,” Matt says as he passes her.

Brett is the last man standing and both men have their guns pointed at each other. Karen is about to join the standoff when Brett holds his hand out and reaches into his back pants pocket. He reveals a ring box. Frank takes it and starts running toward her.

“Go! Go! Go!” Frank hollers at her.

Karen bolts to the car, makes a beeline for the driver’s seat and slams the door shut. Frank joins her a moment later in the passenger seat, flushed pink and his hand wrapped around the ring box.

...

“I’m surprised you didn’t take me to Metro General. Or get us back in that service elevator at the hotel…”

Frank laughs and Karen is relieved that the last 24 hours haven’t deterred Frank.

“Seriously, what was your proposal plan?” She teases as she pokes him in the arm.

“Just... trust me Karen. Okay?”

The Williamsburg Bridge is shadowed by a deep orange sunset as they walk hand in hand. Frank suddenly stops and Karen’s stomach drops. He turns to her, tears in his eyes as he exhales a shaky breath.

Suddenly Karen can’t catch her breath, everything is about to change and she isn’t sure she is ready for it. “Frank, you don’t have to do this…”

“Yes I do. It’s tradition and I’m a traditional man. And the hell I went through to get this ring to you... I want to do this right.”

He gets down on one knee and Karen covers her mouth with her hand. Frank produces the ring box in his hand and opens it. It’s simple; a small, oval diamond on a silver band. It’s perfect.

“Karen. A long time ago now, in some diner, I told you that you had everything with a man that I thought you deserved to be with. I told you to hold onto it, use two hands, and never let go. But the truth was he didn’t deserve you. And I honestly don’t either. But I will spend whatever remaining days I have to be worthy of someone like you. I love you. Karen Page, will you marry me?”

Karen hoists Frank off the ground, holding his face in between her hands. Any doubt she was holding onto is gone now.

“You had me at ‘Give me the damn gun, Karen.’”

They both laugh as Karen holds out her left hand. Frank takes the ring out of the box, caresses her hand before sliding the ring into place. They crash into each other, their hands wrapped around each other’s necks.

“I love you too, Frank Castle,” she says when they finally break apart. She takes his hand as the darkness settles in around them. But the ring doesn’t feel like the weight of her .380. Rather it feels like it has always been there. Like home. And she’ll fight like hell to keep it that way and so will Frank. They’re in this together now.

#kastle #kastle fanfiction #meganerinff #frank castle #karen page #kastlenetwork #joanofarkansass #evilbunnyking #daredevil #the punisher #the ring #This might be my first fic with the entire Hell's Kitchen gang???? #Wow only took 30+ fics to get here #Woo!

[goddamnitkastle]

Tell Me Where Your Heart Is

Hello Brooke! (@the-restless-brook)! Yes, I am your Kastle Secret Santa. Ta da! 

You prompted me with “anything cozy, domestic, or angsty (as long as there’s a happy ending).” 

So full disclosure I really had no idea what I was gonna come up with for your gift. I thought about doing some sort of AU for you (because you really are the the Queen of the Kastle AUs) but that ended up being a red herring cause Season 2 of Virgin River came out and OH BOY did I get inspired lol

And so I ultimately decided to go full on angst, which I hope you will like. There is a happy ending, I promise. And there’s also a couple Marvel/Netflix Universe nuggets I threw in, I hope you’ll catch them :)

But to keep it simple, here’s a post The Punisher Season 2 fic in which Frank and Karen meet up at Josie’s. Will they make their way back to each other? (well, yeah, duh but it will be an angsty ride).

Enjoy! And Happy Holidays, Kastle Fam! <3

Josie’s on a Monday is pretty dead, even in December. Honestly a graveyard is more lively on this weekday than the bar in Hell’s Kitchen, despite the homely effort of the Christmas decorations put up by Josie herself. So when Karen comes strolling in, just dodging the light rain, and takes a seat, she’s not surprised by the look on the bar owner’s face.

“Wow. Must’ve been a hell of a day. Starting early for the week, huh?”

“I guess you can say that. Can I get a bourbon?” Karen asks as she places a twenty down on the bar top.

“You got it.”

Josie turns around and grabs the Four Roses bottle off the shelf. Karen takes a quick survey of the scene, clocks everyone here. Rob and Mira Donohue are having drinks at the table by the pinball machine and Tom Belkin is at the pool table with a friend.

“Here ya go, love.” Josie places the glass in front of her and takes the twenty. Karen takes a sizeable sip, tries to focus on the burn going down her throat rather than her rattling nerves. She doesn’t miss Josie’s eyes go wide though when she gives her her change. 

“Hey should I be worried tonight, Page? This isn’t your usual night and look, I don’t mind... usually…”

“It’s fine, Josie. I’m just... meeting someone. And I need this place to be quiet. I think they need... quiet.”

Josie shakes her head, walks over to the end of the bar. She pulls back a small curtain, revealing a safe hidden under the register. She turns the combination lock, opens it, and pulls out a 9mm.

“Josie come on, that’s not…”

“It’s a precaution. I do trust you... usually... but I got an establishment to protect.” Josie says as she ejects and checks the mag.

She clips it back in and clicks the safety off when the bell rings by the entrance door. Karen resists turning around, even though she is dying to see him.

God how long has it been since the hospital she thinks.

She goes for another sip of bourbon, tries to feign casualness even though his very presence has changed the mood of this dull Monday night. The Donohues have stopped talking and Tom and his friend have stopped playing. Heavy boots pad their way to the bar. Out of the corner of her eye, Frank Castle comes into her line of sight. He’s in all black, sporting a full beard, and scowling, but it doesn’t feel lethal to her. Josie though is gripping her gun like a lifeline.

“What can I do for you... scary hipster?” Josie asks.

Karen has to choke down her laughter. She covers her mouth with her hand and squeezes her eyes shut.

“I’ll just take a beer.”

Frank sits down a seat away from Karen and the tension lifts once Josie clicks the safety back on. The bar patrons resume their activities as she quickly serves Frank a beer, gun still in hand. Josie walks toward the end of the bar toward the safe but not before giving Karen a quick I will never let you in here again if there’s trouble tonight look. She just shrugs in response.

Neither of them say anything for a good while. Karen just focuses on her bourbon. Frank was the one who called her, he can start this. Not like she has anywhere to be...

Although drinking at Josie’s on a Monday night isn’t exactly at the top of her list.

“Hell of a place you picked.”

“Didn’t know what I was getting into. Knew it wouldn’t be crowded here... and I needed a drink.”

“What about your place? Don’t tell me you had to move again…” Frank cracks as he takes a swig of his beer.

“Nope, I’m still there.”

Frank takes a step closer to her. Karen can’t help it, she turns to face him and take him in. No bruises and his hair is growing out again. He looks the way he did when he first came back into her life, just without a blanket and not asking for change.

“Wasn’t sure you were gonna say yes to meeting me.”

“I wasn’t either. Still debating on leaving, actually…”

“Do you want to?”

“Honestly? Yes.”

“Okay. You can go.”

“Right.”

Karen starts to get up and she wishes she missed Frank’s face. Looking like a puppy who got kicked for chewing on someone’s flip flop.

“Hey.” Frank says intensely as he grips her arm. “Come on. Don’t…”

“Don’t what, Frank?”

“Don’t... go.”

“You literally told me I could go. Look, what do you want Frank? Can you just tell me why you called…”

“I will when you stop this.”

“Stop what?”

“Being pissed at me.”

“Being pissed... oh boy.”

She bites down on her bottom lip; a suppression to not straight up scream at him.

“I want to talk, Karen. But if you need to say something to me just say it. Just get it out in the open so that we can move forward.”

His eyes bore into hers. Karen hopes Frank isn’t looking into her soul, he doesn’t get to do that anymore. She knows she needs to break this, needs to move on. He chose the war. He chose to continue being The Punisher. The people that care about him, the peace he could have found... he pushed it all away. And he can’t just decide to want it now after almost a year of silence.

“Fine. I do have some things to say. But first, you’re gonna buy me a drink. Okay?”

“Okay.”

She walks back over to the bar and sets her bag and coat down again on the chair. Frank follows. Josie saunters over.

“Another bourbon, Page?”

“No I’d like two shots of whiskey please. He’s buying.”

Karen jerks her head toward Frank who immediately pulls out a wad of cash from his coat pocket.

“You got it.”

Josie walks away to get the shots. Karen takes a seat and Frank takes the one next to her.

“Didn’t take you for a hard liquor kind of girl.”

Karen opens her mouth, then closes it. How exactly is she supposed to respond to that? People have been making assumptions about her all her life and she’s in no mood to tell Frank that he’s wrong.

“But I guess I don’t know that much about you, do I? You always... surprise me.”

The genuineness throws Karen off. She wonders if she should cut him some slack. It’s not like they owe each other anything. The connection that Madani had told her they had will probably always be there but as it stands she doesn’t fit into his life and vice versa. What’s the point in trying to make it work?

“No. You don’t know anything about me.” She says after a prolonged pause.

Josie comes back with the shots and makes herself scarce again. Karen takes the shot and gestures to other one.

“Come on.”

“Jesus…” Frank mutters.

“Not into hard liquor like me? Wait. Let me guess. You actually love wine.”

“I do actually.”

He stares at the shot glass then back at her. He sighs and downs it. The grimace he makes is brief, but then he turns back to her and she knows what has to come next.

“It’s been a year since the hospital Frank. ” Karen starts as she rotates her empty shot glass with her fingertips.

“I think. I’m honestly not sure… anyway. I thought we were done. I thought you were finally out of my life and then those pot of white roses landed on my desk last week and… I really don’t understand what you want for me at this point. If it’s to get information I am not going to do that for you. If you are looking to reconnect I don’t want that either. Not while you continue to wage this war of yours that you chose. Over life. Over love. Over… me.”

She places the shot glass down, the clink on the wooden bar top being the loudest noise in her ears.

“I’m sorry. About that day. And I’m sorry I never called you after that. But I thought you understood.”

“Understood?”

“Why I am doing this. Why I couldn’t accept what you were offering me that day in the hospital. I lost my entire family, Karen. I had to watch them die and then bury them. You can’t even begin to imagine…”

“I’ve buried people that I loved. I absolutely know what you are going through. I know hurt. I know guilt. I know how it feels to want to drive a knife into this world just to feel like I had some kind of control over it. So don’t you dare try to tell me how I feel. I just…”

Karen huffs as she runs her fingers through her hair. Frank scratches at his beard, clearly processing.

“Do you think I like feeling like this? I am never going to see Maria again. I am never going to hold Lisa or Frankie Jr. in my arms. They are gone, Karen. And it is my fault that they are gone. If I let myself love you…”

“Frank…”

“It’s just a risk I can’t take. If anything happened to you… I wouldn’t be able to survive it.”

Frank’s trigger finger taps away on the bar top.

“So is that it? Is that why you called me? To tell me that you will forever be stuck in this black hole of a life? Stuck in a war that can never be won and you think it’s what you deserve?”

“It is what I deserve.”

“No it’s not Frank. The loss of your family… that is something that you will carry with you with the rest of your life. And the grief will always come straight at you, unexpectedly. But you deserve an after…”

“Karen, no…”

“You do. I know you can’t see it but you will come to a day where you’ll be able to think about them but still go on with your life. And that won’t feel like a betrayal...”

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I should’ve never called you.”

He practically bounds out of the bar stool and heads for the door.

“Frank!” Karen shouts.

The door swings and he’s gone.

This is a crossroads moment. Karen can feel it. She could let him go, never see him again. Maybe at last find peace with this pain. Find someone else to build a life with.

“You love him don’t you?”

Karen turns around to find Josie looking at her. She’s cleared their shot glasses away and is washing them in the sink.

“Josie…”

“Don’t try to deny it. And he loves you too.”

“Yeah, sure he does.” Karen replies sarcastically.

“He does. I remember that news story a while about that crazy asshole who shot up that hotel trying to kill ya and that senator or whatever. I read that he took a few bullets for you. That’s love.”

“How did you... nevermind. Yes, that is true, but then when I offered the option to love someone else, he said he didn’t want to.”

‘Yeah but then he asked to see you again. Timing is a bitch, that much I know. Come on, at least go out there and give the man a hug. Man looks like he could use one.”

Karen turns back to the front door. Before she can process it she is heading out the door, barely catching Josie‘s laugh.

The sharp, winter air hits her and the light rain Is back. Karen looks down both sides of the street, knowing that he is probably long gone by now. The man knows how to disappear, and will only be found if he wants to.

She goes to her left to head home. As she turns the corner, he’s there. Against the wall of Josie‘s, barely standing.

“Frank?”

She walks toward him but he doesn’t acknowledge her. He looks so broken, looking up at the sky.

“You belong with someone else, Karen. Not with me.”

“Don’t.”

“You do.”

“Well I don’t want someone else, Frank. I want you.”

He turns away from the sky and stares at her, wide eyed.

“Yeah. It’s still on the table. But if you’re not even going to open yourself up to the possibility of an after… And I’m not saying an after with me. I mean for yourself. If you won’t even allow yourself to try to find it then it’s not going to work. I need hope, Frank. I need to believe that there is a better world to make and to be had. Even if that means I am not going to be around for it. I am still going to try to leave it better than I found it.”

“Who was it?” Frank asks after a few moments.

“What?”

“Who did you bury?”

“My mom. My brother, Kevin.”

“Tell me about them?”

“Okay. Walk me to my car?”

She thought it would be a lot harder to tell him about what happened to her mom and Kevin, about who she was before she came to New York City. But it fell out of her, everything. He doesn’t interject nor interrupt her. They’re still a block away when she’s done talking.

They reach her car as Karen fishes for her keys. They are stuck at the bottom of her bag and she groans in frustration. She had almost forgotten that Frank is still with her but then she feels a hand lightly touch her shoulder.

“Karen.”

She looks up. He is looking better but there is still that same lingering, soul crushing sadness in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

The sincerity of his apology stuns Karen. Then it comes back. The memory of when she told Matt about what happened to Kevin.

“Jesus Karen.”

Matt was wrapped up in trying to take down Fisk at the time. Karen was trying to pull Matt back, she knew it wasn’t the right time to tell him. She knows he would’ve probably have had a different reaction under different circumstances. Karen knows this. But Karen would be lying if his response didn’t haunt her dreams every now and then.

“Well I should get home. If you ever wanna talk… well I’m sure you’ll reach me somehow. I’ll keep an eye out for another pot of roses.”

She gets her car door open and climbs into the seat. She turns the key in the ignition but the engine stalls.

“Come on.”

Karen keeps turning the key but the engine continues to stall.

Frank knocks on her windshield window.

“Hey, let me check. I can probably jumpstart your car.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Jesus Karen.”

“I don’t want you here, Karen.”

Karen smacks the steering wheel repeatedly and then screams. And screams. And screams.

“Karen! Karen!”

Frank’s voice is muffled and Karen barely registers that he’s opened her door and is pulling her out of the car.

“Karen it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here.”

The screams turn into sobs and Karen stops trying to pull away from Frank.

She doesn’t know how long they stand there in the light rain while he holds her. Her crying does subside in time and all Karen feels is his heartbeat and his hand running up and down her back.

“I know. I know.” He keeps repeating into her ear.

Frank asks if Karen wants a ride home. Karen just simply nods, now realizing that her legs are numb.

“Okay. Let me make a quick phone call.”

Frank gets on the phone and says hi to Micro. Karen manages a small smile. Good to know that he’s not dead.

“Okay so Micro is calling in some favors. Your car is gonna get towed to a lot nearby. I will take care of it tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Frank.”

“Let’s get you home.”

Frank holds his hand out and Karen takes it. 

...

It takes an hour but they arrive in Karen’s neighborhood. Frank has to park ten minutes away from her apartment, which has him apologizing and cursing alternate side parking in one breath.

Karen feels simultaneously exhausted and wired. Frank hasn’t taken her hand in his since they got out of his van but they keep drifting and bumping into each other as they walk.

“Thanks for driving me back.”

“You’re welcome. You okay?”

“Yeah I just… I told Matt. About Kevin. And it... wasn’t the best timing and I had never told anyone before that moment and…”

“Yeah well I don’t think altar boy has the best bedside manner. Even on a good day.”

Karen can’t help but laugh. They walk up the front steps of her apartment building.

“Don’t worry about your car. It’ll be safe. I’ll pick it up tomorrow and take it to the shop. It’s probably the alternator.”

They reach her door.

“Okay so I have your car keys but you probably need these back.”

He hands her the rest of her key ring. He turns to go down the steps, their fingers interlocking around each other.

“So hold onto it. You have everything. Use two hands and never let go.”

Never let go.

Never let...

She grips on his fingers and he turns around. She doesn’t say or do anything but hold on to the key ring and his fingers. They just stare at each other but something changes, something shifts.

He walks back up the two steps, and they’re now face to face.

Karen can’t explain it but she’s filled with such a longing that she thought she had buried a long time ago.

They are still holding on to her key ring, the metal becoming warm from the heat of their hands. She inches closer and closer to his face, eventually ghosting her lips over his.

Karen places a small kiss on his mouth. He doesn’t react, which isn’t surprising, so she tries again. She can feel how taken aback he is but he starts to reciprocate soon enough. He angles his mouth as she pushes her tongue past his teeth, his hands cup her face as she wraps her arms around his neck.

The flurry and fury of their movements push them up the stairs. Karen has never been more grateful for her one floor walk up. He gets the door open as she gets to work on getting his jacket off. He helps her out of hers with ease, his mouth never leaving hers.

Karen is trying to take it all in but it’s too much. The ridges of the scars on his skin that have stories and how she wants to know all of them. How strong he is, taking her shirt off with a gentle force she has never felt. How soft his hair is, how his beard feels so fucking good on her neck.

They fall into her bed, still partially clothed but Karen doesn’t mind, she’s content to just kiss him and hold him close to her.

His mouth leaves hers and Karen tries to reach for it but stops. It’s that stare of his again. But it’s different this time. She’s seen him vulnerable but never this vulnerable. He honestly looks terrified.

“Frank what is it? We can stop…”

“No. I want to. I want this... I just... when we’re not together... when I don’t see you... it scares me. And I tried to hide from that feeling all year. Karen don’t…”

She runs her hands through his hair and he frames her head with his.

“It’s okay. It’s okay Frank.”

Instinctually, her hand slides down to his chest. Over his fast beating heart.

“It’s safe. You’re safe.”

She reaches for his face, her finger tips brushing against his lips. He kisses her palm and she pulls him back in.

...

Frank is warm. A comfortable warm, not the searing kind that comes from his nightmares. Hands are wrapped around his head and his face is pressed against soft skin. Karen’s skin. This stillness, after all that transpired last night between them, is strangely comforting. As is her slow, deep breathing. And when she wakes up, a smile forming at the sight of him, he still wonders if this is all a dream. 

“Morning.”

“Morning.”

“How do you feel?” Karen asks as she pushes away a strand of hair from his forehead.

“Happy.” Franks answers honestly. 

“That’s good.”

“And safe.” Frank admits quietly.

“That’s exactly how I want you to feel.”

“I do. With you.”

“So do I.”

He reaches for her face, brushes the pad of his thumb on her cheek. For a brief, sudden moment he sees smoke and a bloody cut on Karen’s forehead. How close he came to losing her that day…

“I will come for you.”

Frank shakes away the memory and tries to focus on this one. He wants these kind of memories with Karen, not the ones filled with violence and open ended goodbyes.

“Is everything okay, Frank?”

“Look Karen… I want to be honest. I don’t want to lie to you anymore and… you should know why I called you.”

Frank pulls away from her and sits up against her headboard. Karen follows suit, pulling her comforter up.

“Okay.” 

“I... want to be done. The Punisher… I want it to be over.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I won’t, uh, bore you with the details but… I was near death. About a month ago. I really don’t remember much but I wasn’t… planning to come back from this job. But I guess Curtis and Madani weren’t on board. They got me out and… I just remember cracks of light. From the car windows. And each time, I saw you. I honestly thought you had come with them. I kept wanting to let go though, finally be with… but you were there. Telling me to hold on. Cause there was another side to this. An… after. And I did. When I finally came to, I asked where you were. And yeah, I found out you weren’t really there but… it was real. And it got me through. And that was why I called. I want you there. But then you were ruthless... stomped on my heart... which I deserved... and I got scared. I’m still scared, Karen. But I don’t want to live without you anymore. And I don’t expect…”

Karen takes his hand, puts it in her lap. Whatever he was going to say next dies on his tongue.

“This is real, Frank. You know that, right?”

“I do.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

He leans in to kiss her and it is the sweetest touch he can muster. He hopes it is enough.

It was a hell of a journey for them to get to this point. And they still have a long way to go. But her heart is safe with him. And now his heart can be safe with her.

#kastlechristmas #kastlechristmas2k20 #kastle #kastle fanfiction #meganerinff #frank castle #karen page #kastlenetwork #therestlessbrook #daredevil #the punisher #tell me where your heart is #I hope you enjoy it!

[goddamnitkastle]

Light My Heart and Light My Shadow

I did say I was working on an Apocalypse Kastle AU fic and given the state of the world, it gave me the final push to finish the damn thing. While also getting inspiration from others sources and getting great support from @carry-the-sky and @witchygagirl. Thank you both for beta reading!

So the idea to write this AU first came about from If The World Was Ending by JP Saxe ft. Julia Michaels. Then Starkid came out with a new musical called Black Friday and well, once again, I am slightly ripping off another source material for their scenarios but then making it Kastle. That’s how I make my fics happen these days apparently.

If you’ve seen the musical, you probably know what’s coming but if you haven’t it’s okay, you can still go along with it. But also watch it cause it’s awesome (if you’re into apocalyptic musicals).

Either way, a year has passed since the hospital visit in TPS2, the world is ending now, and Frank and Karen are navigating it together.  

Enjoy!

It’s dark when Frank wakes.

But that doesn’t stop the flashbacks. Or really the vivid remembrance of the last week and a half. When the world ended. Or is it still ending? He doesn’t know at this point.

I swear Micro if you don’t find Karen...

It’s been a year Frank, you really expect me to go anywhere with you...

The world is literally on fire Frank you need to get out of here...

This is the apocalypse. This is the end, not even Daredevil can stop it. Find Karen, Frank. Take care of her for me. Tell her that I’m sorry and that Foggy will always be there for her. In this lifetime or the next. Just please... go.

Karen please... let’s go.

Frank realizes he’s lying in an aisle, a row of seats on either side of him. The floor is sticky and he can smell a faint trace of buttered popcorn underneath the smoke from the fires.

How the fuck did he end up in a movie theater? And where is Karen?

He gets up and his right side flares up in pain. He groans as he reaches out into the black to find a seat. He manages to find an arm rest to sit down on.

The lights turn on and a door opens. Frank whips around. It’s Karen.

“Hey you shouldn’t be up, you’re gonna rip the stitches...”

“Where the hell are we Karen?”

“In an AMC I think? I don’t know, it’s a movie theater and you were stabbed. I had to get us away from...”

“Right. Who were they?”

“I don’t know. People driven to madness? I wouldn’t rule out zombies at this point. You’re gonna be fine though, I don’t think the knife hit any organs as for as I could tell.”

“How’d you patch me up?”

“I found a first aid kit in the box office. I think we’ll be safe here for now, I checked every door and I locked it. And if I couldn’t lock it I barricaded it. Ticket stations, chairs, tables, anything I could find...”

“You did good Karen.” He reassures her.

“Thank you.”

“No thank you...”

He looks at her. Past the grime and the dark circles under her eyes she is still so beautiful. He notices her eyebrows are knitted together and he then realizes that she is waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“...For, uh, coming with me. Still trusting me even after the hospital...” He spills out.

“Well it’s hard to fake an apocalypse, Frank.”

The silence is tense but Karen breaks into a laugh and Frank smiles for the first time in a year. It’s a brief moment of respite in the middle of hell.

“The world didn’t need to end though. It shouldn’t have had to come to that. I shouldn’t have walked away from you. Stayed away as long as I did. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I forgive you.”

Frank turns to the movie screen. He leans all the way back and rests against the wall.

“Jesus I can’t remember the last time I went to the movies. Not like I’d remember them. I, uh, only went to whatever latest animated movie Lisa and Frankie were obsessing over that also happened to have merchandise to buy.”

Karen smiles, leans back and rests against the wall.

“I had to do a couple movie reviews for The Bulletin. Trust me, you really weren’t missing much on the non-animated side. It was either about superheroes or cars or... the end of the world.”

And just like that hell comes rushing back in and Frank feels his adrenaline spike.

“Yeah we shouldn’t stay here. We gotta keep moving Karen...”

Frank starts to get up but he feels her hand grab his wrist.

“No Frank. I’m tired. I’m so goddamn tired I just want to...”

He takes her hand off and clasps in between his as he sits back down.

“God even after a year you... you still rip my heart out Frank. Even as the world burns around us my biggest fear is that I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and you’re gonna be gone.”

“I’m not going anywhere Karen. I’m never gonna say goodbye to you unless you ask me to.”

“What if I give you a reason to?”

“No reason could ever...”

“I killed my brother.”

Tears start to fall but he doesn’t let go of her hand.

“I think that’s why... your case. It wasn’t just that something wasn’t right. I realized long after that trial... I think deep down somewhere I was reaching out to you like a lifeline. To help me make sense of this loss that just consumes me some days. On those days I can still smell the blood, the burning asphalt of the pavement, feel the scream in my chest when I looked over and saw Kevin motionless next to me...”

Karen covers her mouth with her hands and a muffled, strangled sob comes out. Frank has her in his arms a moment later and doesn’t let go for a long time. Mixed in with her cries she recounts that awful night to him, learns of Todd, her father, her mother.

“It’s okay Karen.” He keeps telling her. 

Nothing about what is going on is okay but he will say it for her. Say it until it’s a mantra and she believes it will be again.

...

They stay in that movie theater for a few days. All was safe and sound and Frank reluctantly agreed that he was also goddamn tired. He and Karen had been on the run, it was only a matter of time before they had to stop.

The movie theater turned out to be the ideal hideaway. Once Frank got one of the generators to work out they had electricity and plumbing. And when Karen found the stockroom, the food problem was solved. Yes it was greasy and sugary shit but it was better than nothing.

“I wonder if we could get the projector to work.” Karen muses while eating Raisinets.

“Then we really wouldn’t have a reason to leave.” Frank says as he bites into a chicken tender.

On their second night Frank finds Karen reading training manuals behind the box office counter.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Thinking of changing careers?” He asks as he cracks a side smile at her.

She rolls her eyes but a small smile appears.

“Come on, I got something to show you.”

Frank leads them to the auditorium and, hopefully, if Frank timed this right...

Let's all go to the lobby To get ourselves a treat

“You didn’t.” Karen exclaims.

“If you ever decide to open a movie theater, let me know if you need a projectionist. Only took me a day and half to figure out the damn thing.”

They go inside and take their seats. They have their snacks and Frank can almost forget what is happening outside.

“What movie are we watching?”

“Yeah about that...”

Jingle bells suddenly ring out and the movie title appears in bright red letters:

Santa Claus Is Going to High School

“Oh no...” Karen gasps as she leans forward, her hands gripping the back of the seat in front of hers.

“Yeah sorry this was the only movie that I could get to play.”

“Oh God I had to see this movie. For The Bulletin.”

“Shit. I would pick the one movie you’ve actually seen...”

“Yeah after that I told Ellison I was never going to do the movie reviews again and to give those pieces to the interns.”

“What’s it about?”

“Um.. so Santa Claus finds out that every kid in the world is on the naughty list. He realizes he may be out of touch so he turns himself into a teenager to... I guess to get back in touch with them? Or to spy on them... it’s bad Frank. It’s Never Been Kissed but make it Christmas.”

Frank laughs.

“High school, huh?”

“Yeah... why anyone would willing go back to high school I could never...”

“I would.”

Karen turns her attention away from the movie and onto him.

“Really?” She asks skeptically.

“Does that surprise you?”

“Kind of. Let me guess... quarterback?”

“Offensive line. And wrestling. I was a jock, what can I say? But high school... I liked the structure though and even the, uh, learning... when it wasn’t hard. What about you?”

“Please don’t.”

“Karen...”

“I told you I was...”

“You said yourself that was end of senior year. When you met Todd. Are you telling me that was when your life began? That there was nothing before the drugs?”

“Don’t be an asshole Frank. Okay? I played basketball, I contributed to my school’s literary magazine and... I’m not that girl anymore.”

Karen gets up but Frank grabs her arm.

“You don’t have to be.”

“What are we doing Frank? The world is fucking ending and here we are reminiscing about high school...”

“And? Jesus Karen I was just trying to...”

“What?”

“I don’t know, forget? Just for a moment forget all the shit that has happened to me? Who I’ve been for the last four years? Tonight I just wanted to be a man, seeing a movie with a beautiful woman, and hope that there was something still there.”

“Frank we can’t just... forget.”

“Why not? It’s you and me. You and me at the end of the world with no reason to run away or leave or to say goodbye. No past. No future. Just now. And I want you.”

He reaches for her and takes her hands in his.

“You’ve forgiven me time and time again. Even when I don’t deserve it. Please let me...” He pleads as he runs his thumbs over her wrists.

“Do you mean it Frank?”

“I do.”

His forehead lightly bumps into hers. The movie has been white noise from the start but in this moment the screen goes white, bathing Karen in a color other than red and black for the first time. It’s like daylight and he feels like he could cry. But then she pulls her hands from his and places them over his heart and the touch alone sends a shudder through him.

“We have got to work on our timing.” She whispers as her fingertips press deeper into his chest.

And then she kisses him. He opens his mouth as she grabs his face in fierce desperation. He goes to work on getting his flannel shirt off and she decides to help. They have both forgotten how buttons work but they manage to get it off. As Karen pulls Frank by his tank top, they fall on the linoleum floor in an ungraceful thud. Her fingernails dig into his shoulders and he’s got his hand under her shirt groping at her breast when...

“A red tricycle!”

“Santa!”

A crowd starts cheering and Frank is pulled out of the moment. He makes a face trying to imagine what could be on screen right now and snorts into Karen’s neck. She sighs and grabs the back of his neck like a puppy being pulled by their scruff. Her stare is deadly and Frank is all ears now.

“Really Frank? The movie is that distracting?”

Despite her tone her face and neck are flushed red and yeah, fuck that movie.

“Sorry. Let me see if I can...”

He sticks his hand down the front of her pants, determined to make that movie the last thing on their minds. The world is ending and it’s now or never to see where this thing between them will go. But whatever comes tomorrow, they’ll take it on together.

#kastle #kastle fanfiction #meganerinff #frank castle #karen page #kastlenetwork #carry-the-sky #witchygagirl #daredevil #the punisher #light my heart and light my shadow

[goddamnitkastle]

Happy #KastleChristmas!

Hello Kathryn (@fortysevenswrites)! Yes, I am your Kastle Secret Santa. Ta da! 

You prompted me with "open road, winter retreat, snowball fight". I inquired further (gotta love that sneaky anon option on here) and was given some of your favorite headcanons/tropes which included “hurt/comfort (come on, it’s Karen and Frank and they have BAGGAGE), and nonverbal communication.” and I basically ran with that.

Your fic is ready. However you will have to wait a teeny, tiny bit because surprise! It’s a NYE fic! And I want to post it on that day, for aesthetic purposes. Hope that’s okay 😬

But in the meantime enjoy this preview of the fic and this graphic I made for it before I lost Photoshop CS6 (it’s been a week/month/year ya’ll and I, for one, cannot wait for 2020).

The general gist of the fic is that Karen’s past has come back to haunt her (in the form of her former, drug dealing boyfriend Todd) and she is hiding out in a cabin in New Jersey cause he is after her. Frank is spying in on the trial for her and is annoyed about wearing a monkey suit to do so but for Karen, he wears it. There will be angsty, sexual tension with a sweet ending as they ring in the new year, finally together.

Enjoy the sneak peak! Full fic to come shortly!

This black tie might as well be a goddamn noose. Frank is relieved to see the Welcome to New Jersey sign, it means he’s almost back to the cabin. Back to Karen, who definitely has cabin fever and it is something fierce.

”I’m not gonna keep repeating myself here. You are not coming with me, end of...” Frank exasperates.

“I just don’t understand why I still have to stay here if today is the day...” Karen retorts. “Come on Karen, Todd directly targeted you. Even Mahoney recommended that you get out of the city for your own safety until the trial is over and he is put away...” “Yeah but I doubt he would’ve been okay with you as my protection.” Karen says stubbornly. Frank sighs and is about to dig his heals in metaphorically until she sees reason but he is not the best multitasker. He can’t keep arguing with her and get this stupid tie to cooperate. He hears her footsteps on the hardwood floor and he knows she’s standing in the doorway of his bedroom. “Here, let me help.” Karen finally offers after struggling with it for what felt like an eternity. She turns him away from the dresser mirror. Frank drops his hands in defeat and accepts her help. “I swear I will give anything if I could wear my uniform for these kind of things and never deal with ties again for as long as I live.” They both laugh and fall into silence while Karen does his tie. She is done before he even blinks and any irritation he had felt toward her before has completely disappeared. “You would, uh, do this for your brother?” The question sits in their space and despite there being no secrets between them now Frank can’t help but feel like he’s rubbing salt into the wound. “Yes. Matt asked me the same thing once. Not the same exact question but he wondered how I knew how to... I spoke of Kevin to him like he was still alive.” Her brow furrows as she pulls the knot of the tie even closer to the collar of his shirt. He doesn’t even feel it.

“And he still is. In a way. We’ll... talk and it feels like he’s right next to me.” “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have...” “It’s okay, Frank. Go to Todd’s sentencing.” “Aren’t you coming with me?” Frank cracks. “No. You and Mahoney are right and if I don't let you go now you'll miss it. Hopefully he will be going away for a long time and I can get out of this cabin.” She smooths his tie down and leaves him in his room.

#kastlechristmas #kastle #kastleedit #kastle fanfiction #meganerinff #meganerinedit #frank castle #karen page #kastlenetwork #fortysevenswrites #daredevil #the punisher #this is the new year #I hope you like it!

[goddamnitkastle]

Let My Darlin’ Take Me There

Here! Have this fic inspired by/slightly ripped off by my latest TV obsession Virgin River. 

If you’ve seen the show this is basically the good night scene between Mel and Jack after their first “date” in episode 9 but instead it’s Frank and Karen and I gave it the Kastle twist. Sorry not sorry.

Please check out the show, it is genuinely good and the soft™ content is off the charts. 

I’m also particularly proud of this fic cause it is written from Karen’s POV! I’ve ignored her for too long and I will definitely try to do better in the future.

Also shoutout to @carry-the-sky for beta reading the first draft and assuring me that this fic was going in a good direction. Thank you so much! Okay enough rambling...

Enjoy!

The jitters have stayed with Karen all night. In some moments they would rattle her that she was worried it would bring her to her knees but in other moments it made her feel downright giddy. Like how she would feel after too much wine without crossing the line into sloppy drunkenness territory. They’re almost to the front door of her apartment building. She tries to will it as far away as possible. “Thought we would uh, head somewhere away from the Kitchen. Away from... prying eyes.” Frank says as he helps her get her coat on. Karen wondered if Frank had arranged a plane to the the other side of the country for their first date. She wouldn’t put it past him, he could do it. But they ended up in Astoria, which was just a lovely. The restaurant, the banter, it was a first date for the history books. “I had a really nice time tonight. Thank you.”

Karen slows her walk down to a snail’s pace.

“You’re welcome.”

Frank falls into stride with her.

“How did you find that place?” “Micro recommended it. He’d taken Sarah there before for, uh... it also had good Yelp reviews...” “Well I never had rigatoni like that.” Karen reaches for his hand and he takes it. “Yeah? It was good, wasn’t it? Almost wanted a second plate...” Frank admits while running his thumb over her knuckles. They laugh as they walk up the steps, still holding hands. They stop right at the front door and face each other. “Well... good night, Frank.” “Good night, Karen.” Neither one of them moves and for a second Karen thinks he’s going to be the one to let go and leave. However he leans in and she is expecting a chaste cheek kiss, like the one at the waterfront but without all the worry in it. But instead goes to her lips. Karen is caught off guard but she reciprocates in kind. He’s very stiff though, he’s really just pressing his mouth against hers and she can feel that he is doing this more out of politeness rather than... She pulls away and Frank immediately straightens back up, letting go of her hand and into an at attention stance. “Everything okay?” He asks with far too much worry in his voice. “Yeah... I just... need to take things slowly.” “That’s okay.” He assures her. It’s all over his face though, he’s starting to think that maybe kissing her was not the best idea. But it was. The awkwardness is now past and they can try again. And so she does. She leans in and gives him a small kiss. He doesn’t pull back but he also doesn’t react right away. Karen takes a breath and tries again and he responds. There we go... Karen thinks. It starts to grow in intensity as she places her hand on his chest. He cups her face as he angles his mouth to go deeper. The sweetness of it all floods her mind and it would be so easy to let this happen. Let it go as far as they want to tonight. They’re so close, so so close... It takes a split second though for Karen to remember where they both have been. How they still have some ways to go before they can cross that line. He has lost so much and so has she and the delicacy that’s between them could evaporate at the wrong gesture or word. She pulls away and leans into him. Frank breathes out and she can feel him trying to to hide his frustration. In a gentlemanly way of course. His hands drop from her face to her shoulders as he lets out a sigh that makes her chuckle. “Now you’re trying to kill me.” He teases. “Oh, you’re gonna be just fine.” She retorts back. They both laugh and she’s relieved that he’s not hurt or angry. Not that he is that kind of man, not at all.

“No pressure.” Frank reminds Karen as they drive away from her apartment. He’s so at ease and Karen wonders if he’s actually freaking out at all or if he is just hiding it better than she is right now.

“Right”. Karen responds, thankful that her voice is remaining steady despite feeling anything but that right now.

“Just like I promised.”

“Okay.”

“Just dinner.”

“Right.”

“Jeez Karen I really hope you got some multisyllabic words for tonight. You’re starting to sound like me…”

Karen gasps but starts laughing hysterically.

“Wow. This coming from a man who uses grunts and hmph’s eighty percent of the time to communicate, that is just…”

He’s laughing now and suddenly the situation they are in makes perfect sense right now.

“And you picked me up in your van…”

“Oh no, don’t start with…” “Good night.” Frank says as he scratches the back of his head clearly in a slightly embarrassed state. “Good night.” Karen turns to the door and opens her clutch to get her keys out. “Will I see you tomorrow?” “You’re not busy?” “No... actually.” He answers in earnest. “Oh, okay. Um... I make great pancakes.”

Frank gives her a look and Karen is so tempted to pull him upstairs, to throw away her promise to take things slow, make him work for those pancakes... “You cook?” He asks in a disbelieving tone. Karen is about to tell him off but he gives her a half smile and she lets out a laugh instead. “I do, actually. And pancakes are my specialty. Even Foggy has commented on their deliciousness.” Karen proclaims even though she knows she doesn't have to. “I bet they are.” “Okay. I’ll see you in the morning then.” She unlocks the door and turns back to look at Frank. He’s leaning against the pillar and Karen swears he looks awestruck. She decides to leave him like that. Take that image of him to bed. And in the morning, they can resume their fresh start over her pancakes.

#kastle #kastle fanfiction #meganerinff #frank castle #karen page #kastlenetwork #carry-the-sky #daredevil #the punisher #let my darlin’ take me there

[goddamnitkastle]

This Is The New Year

Here it is! My complete #KastleChristmas gift for @fortysevenswrites! 

I present a Kastle NYE fic.

Enjoy!

This black tie might as well be a goddamn noose. Frank is relieved to see the Welcome to New Jersey sign, it means he’s almost back to the cabin. Back to Karen, who definitely has cabin fever and it is something fierce.

”I’m not gonna keep repeating myself here. You are not coming with me, end of...” Frank exasperates.

“I just don’t understand why I still have to stay here if today is the day...” Karen retorts. “Come on Karen, Todd directly targeted you. Even Mahoney recommended that you get out of the city for your own safety until the trial is over and he is put away...” “Yeah but I doubt he would’ve been okay with you as my protection.” Karen says stubbornly. Frank sighs and is about to dig his heals in metaphorically until she sees reason but he is not the best multitasker. He can’t keep arguing with her and get this stupid tie to cooperate. He hears her footsteps on the hardwood floor and he knows she’s standing in the doorway of his bedroom. “Here, let me help.” Karen finally offers after struggling with it for what felt like an eternity. She turns him away from the dresser mirror. Frank drops his hands in defeat and accepts her help. “I swear I will give anything if I could wear my uniform for these kind of things and never deal with ties again for as long as I live.” They both laugh and fall into silence while Karen does his tie. She is done before he even blinks and any irritation he had felt toward her before has completely disappeared. “You would, uh, do this for your brother?” The question sits in their space and despite there being no secrets between them now Frank can’t help but feel like he’s rubbing salt into the wound. “Yes. Matt asked me the same thing once. Not the same exact question but he wondered how I knew how to... I spoke of Kevin to him like he was still alive.” Her brow furrows as she pulls the knot of the tie even closer to the collar of his shirt. He doesn’t even feel it.

“And he still is. In a way. We’ll... talk and it feels like he’s right next to me.” “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have...” “It’s okay, Frank. Go to Todd’s sentencing.” “Aren’t you coming with me?” Frank cracks. “No. You and Mahoney are right and if I don't let you go now you'll miss it. Hopefully he will be going away for a long time and I can get out of this cabin.” She smooths his tie down and leaves him in his room.

Todd was sentenced today. Twenty years to life and no early parole for five overdose deaths and for drug trafficking along the entire Northeast for years. At least he can bring that good news to Karen. She can end this bullshit year on a good note. He pulls up to the cabin. As he turns off the SUV Turk loaned him, he sees the front door open and Karen step out onto the porch. Yeah, that cabin fever is fucking bad. She’s practically a bundle of nerves when he approaches her, her hands furiously rubbing together and he knows it’s not to keep warm in these dropping, late December temperatures. “Well?” He tells her. She remains neutral, there’s no hint of relief or sadness from her and it throws Frank off. “Okay.” “He’s gone now, Karen. We can go back tonight if you want.” Karen nods but her eyes are focused elsewhere. Like they’re focusing on the tree next to the cabin but he knows she’s not. “Karen?” “Yeah?” “You okay?” “Yeah, it’s just... I can’t...” “Look Karen, if you’re worried that he’ll get parole or get released for good behavior and come after you... I won’t let that happen.” “It’s not that Frank...” “I could take care of him for you.” Karen finally looks at him, a half smile on her lips. She’s trying to convey that she finds his statement absurd but instead it comes across as contented reassurance. Of course she knows he would and he would do it his way. There’s no doubt in her mind and Frank can see that. “Not this time Frank.” She says after a long pause. “He’s a piece of shit, Karen. Hurt a lot of people, hurt you Karen...” “Frank...” “You were in a vulnerable place and that asshole took advantage of that...” “Frank I was nineteen. Todd was there for me. And I wasn’t... right or good or anything worth...” “Stop, stop, stop...” “Why Frank? Don’t want to hear how I was a teen drug fiend stuck in the mountains?” “You know it’s not that, Karen.” Frank says with intense assuredness. “Then what is it?” “He threatened Kevin.” The smile is gone now. He knows he’s crossed the imaginary red tape with her. Stuck an awful moment in her face like she stuck that picture of his family in his face at the hospital. But just like how she was trying to remind him that the truth was worth fighting for, he wants to remind her that she is better than her past. “Almost killed him too. How can you even begin to...” “Enough, Frank. He was a part of my life and I will always be connected to him. I won’t be able to shake that. But he’s gone now and I just want to move on. Let’s hope our paths won’t ever cross with him again.” He closes his mouth. He wonders if this is how Karen feels every time they’re together, like his heart is going to burst from this swirl of feelings. These ingredients of longing and worry and awe that such a person could even be real... he can feel himself spiraling. “Come on. It’s too cold to stay out here. And I’m sure you want to get out of that suit.” His hand immediately goes to the knot of the black tie he has on and away from his racing thoughts. Frank actually managed to forget the noose feeling for a minute there. He smooths the tie down even though he knows he doesn’t need to. “It’s not that bad.” He mutters. “Yeah, right.” Karen scoffs as she crosses to him. Why she’s out on the porch in that thin, green sweater he can’t even... “You’ve been waiting to take this damn suit off and never wear it again as much as I’ve been wanting to get out of this godforsaken cabin.” She’s close now. Cinnamon hangs in the air. He doesn’t remember there being cinnamon in the cabin when they first arrived. “Can I take this off for you, Frank?” He swallows the golf ball sized lump in his throat and nods just a little too aggressively. Why does this feel like such a big deal? It’s just a tie and yes, it has been the bane of his existence... His mind stops running as she lifts his collar up and her fingertips brush he cheeks. Karen never took her time with his tie before. What is she... She goes to work on untying the knot. She shimmies the knot back and forth and starts pulling from the top of the knot and the fabric makes that sound when it’s pulled through. He usually ignores it but it’s all he can hear. That and their shared breathing. “There.” Karen says with quiet content. She holds the undone tie in her palms. “We should get this inside before it wrinkles...” “Jesus forget the tie, Karen.” He reaches for her, gets her head between his hands. The tie is now clenched in her hands. “You don’t have to hide from me Karen.” “I’m not hiding.” “Yes you are. You think I have this... perfect... angel... vision if you in my head. I don’t. I just have you. And it’s all I need. When I came up the steps here just now... it felt like coming home.” His hands fall to her neck, his fingertip brushing the mole that’s there. Her lips tremble and he can’t help but brush them with his thumb. “Look... uh, we can talk inside, you said yourself it’s cold...” Frank stammers out. “I’m not cold.” She closes the distance between them and it’s that easy. That easy to slant his mouth over hers. To wrap his arms around her, to open his mouth to let her tongue in. He doesn’t remember why he pushed her away before and he doesn’t want to anymore. Not after this. Even as they try to warm themselves with the little heat that is left inside them it becomes clear that the cold is going to force them inside. They break apart and Karen is flushed red. “Can we please go in? This fucking suit is really...” Frank admits sheepishly.

“Come on.” Karen replies with a hunger that floors him. She takes him inside by the wrists and he realizes that she is still holding onto that damn tie. In that moment he realizes it’s in prelude of what’s to come. He follows, in matching hunger.

... They spend all day New Year’s Eve in bed. That tie is wrapped around one of iron headboard posts and has been long forgotten (for now). It’s definitely not the worst way to ring in the new year and Frank certainly wouldn’t trade it for any of his past ones. But as the sun sets there’s still a small twinge of guilt because, well, they should really get out and go put on the TV or something. Or at least grab an alcoholic beverage, do a toast at least. But that would mean letting her go. Putting clothes on. Leaving the warmth of the bed. For a tradition signifying the passing of time. It felt so dumb just even thinking of doing that. “I can feel your mind running from over here.” She murmurs into his chest. He tilts his head to look down at her while she readjusts her position so that she is propped on her forearms while her hands stay on her chest. “Shouldn’t we... uh...” “You think we shouldn’t count down to midnight naked in bed, do you?” Frank frowns but nods in response. “Well fine. If that’s what you want. I have to pee actually.” She kisses his cheek, gets out of the bed, and heads to the bathroom. Frank knows he’s leering but goddamn, how could he not? Especially when Karen looks like that? Naked!? She flips on the bathroom light but doesn’t go to close the door. Instead she turns, and stares him down. Any shame Karen had before about any aspect of her life she is definitely not carrying it now. “Wanna go for round two?” She proposes. “Well technically it’d be round four...” “Oh my God Frank just get...” He’s bounds to her before she can get the rest of her sentence out and grabs her by the waist. He props her on the sink and is about to add a second hickey to her neck when she stops him. He lets out a frustrated grunt but he keeps his distance. “Happy New Year, Frank.” “Happy New Year, Karen.” Even though the new year is still hours away, Frank did not care. They were both here. Alive. And past all the bullshit that was keeping them apart. And Karen can take what is left of him, have all the rest of it. He swears it to her as he kicks the door closed.

#kastlechristmas #kastle #kastle fanfiction #meganerinff #frank castle #karen page #kastlenetwork #fortysevenswrites #daredevil #the punisher #this is the new year #I hope you enjoy it!

[goddamnitkastle]

When I Watch You Dance

Happy #KastleSmut Week!

Yes I am just as surprised as you are. I swear I wasn’t gonna have anything to contribute however my brain had other plans. I don’t know what it is about Wet Wednesday for these weeks, they inspire me but I digress.

Anyway this fic came about because of Meat Loaf/Bat Out of Hell: The Musical. There. Full stop. Apparently I’m at the point where I can be inspired by anything and make Kastle content.

This fic falls mostly under the body worship aspect of the prompt(s) given but only just. The real, true inspiration was this line from I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That):

Some nights I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls

So yeah it’s a stormy night, Karen is gonna dance, Frank is gonna lose it (and by that I mean finally kiss her jfc), and implied smut will ensue. Sorry, I still can’t write full on smut to save my life.

And that’s pretty much the fic you’re about to read.

Enjoy!

“I can’t do this all night Frank. We are clearly not getting anywhere.” Karen pinches the bridge of her nose as thunder cracks for the umpteenth time tonight. It’s so loud Frank swears her apartment shakes at its mercy. “You want me to go?” “No. This storm is gonna be nasty. You can stay but when it passes... please go.” “Okay.” She goes to her bedroom and closes the door. The rain finally comes and Frank is left with its relentless smacking against the window. Eventually Frank lays down on the couch. He would do anything for Karen. Hell he’s pretty sure he has. He took a bullet. Saved her life a few times. That shit is high up on the list things you do for the people you love. So why is loving her the one thing he can’t do? That’s not true, he can. He knows he can surrender to it. To her. But every barrier inside is caging him in. It’s like barbed wire, the pain pricking him to the point of immobility. Frank is almost out the door when he hears it. It’s soft but he knows that song anywhere. Ain’t no doubt it we were doubly blessed Cause we were barely seventeen and we were barely dressed He crosses to her bedroom door. She didn’t close it all the way like he thought. She’s dancing to Paradise By The Dashboard Light while cleaning up the clothes scattered on the floor. Karen had a habit of leaving them everywhere but by the end of the week she’d get them in the hamper. Frank knows this is an invasion of her privacy but as her hips shake and a smile appears he’s enraptured. His heartbeat drowns out Meat Loaf and there’s only Karen, softly singing and head banging. She’s a whirl of blonde hair as she drops a pencil skirt and reaches for something on her dresser. It’s a goddamn hair brush. Now she’s in front of thousands, giving the performance of her life. And we’re glowing like a metal on the edge of a knife Glowing like a metal on the edge of a knife And then it happens. Slowly but then as soon as thunder cracks every barrier is down. Karen deserves the world. She is the only thing good and pure and right in his world. And for some insane reason she cares for him. Maybe even wants him, needs him in her life. How could he let her go? He pushes her door open. She whips her head to him and drops the hair brush. She’s clearly embarrassed as she runs to close her laptop. Meat Loaf disappears and now it’s just the two of them. “I can do that.” He says quickly to fill the awkward silence he created. “Do what, Frank?” “I can call you. Text you, send a carrier pigeon if I have to. I’ll let you know where I am. Not disappear for weeks at a time.” “Okay. That was all I wanted. I know you don’t believe it but I care...” “...About what happens to you.” Karen’s mouth gapes open but she closes it a half second later. “I remember.” “Right. You remember.” Karen barely conceals the sarcasm. He doesn’t blame her but he’s gonna forge on. There’s no turning back now. “I do. And on those days when I do I can do it. I can run here to you and promise to never leave. Promise to make you happy, to protect you. Because I love you, Karen. I do. And... the hard days, the days I can’t get out of bed, they’re not going away. Not any time soon. But let’s try, yeah?” His hands are shaking as Karen crosses over to him. She places her hand against his cheek and he closes his eyes. He could collapse right then and there. “Frank.” He opens his eyes. He didn’t think she could more beautiful but then she licks her lips and they shine in the muted light of her bedside lamp and holy shit he just wants a taste. “Dance with me?” She takes his hand and he follows her lead. Karen opens the laptop again and a few moments pass while she picks a song. Frank distracts himself by running the pad of his thumb along her knuckles. And that familiar piano riff of I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) comes through the speakers. “Oh no...” “Come on.” She pulls him to her and wraps her arms around his neck. His hands immediately go to her waist. They sway as Frank tries to remember how to breathe. And also not step on her toes. Then Karen kisses his cheek and pulls away. “Where are you...” Then the band kicks in. Karen has mischief written all over her face as she starts to head bang to the beat of the drum. She half sings, half laughs the lyrics and spins in a circle and Frank can only stand there dumbfounded. But he’s smiling all the same, he could watch her all night. Karen slows her movements and strides back toward Frank. “I guess dancing is not really your thing...” “That what you were doing?” He asks dubiously. She slaps his shoulder and he feigns pain. “Okay sorry. That wasn’t nice.” “No it wasn’t.” She says in a teasing tone. “I liked it. I just liked it better when I was holding you close.” He pulls her to him by the waist. He swallows her gasp as he crushes his lips against hers. His hair is in her hands in a vice-like grip but he loves it and the feeling of her body pressed so close and tight to him...

He’d be lying if he hadn’t thought about this moment. How it would go, where they would be. In her bedroom on a stormy night with Meat Loaf playing in the background was the absolute last scenario he would come up with but he wouldn’t change a damn thing. Especially as she grips the back of his shirt and darts her tongue into his mouth. “Think you could dance for me a bit more?” He asks in between kisses. “I have a better idea.” She says breathlessly. Karen pushes him down on her bed. Yeah, her idea is definitely better he thinks.

#kastle #kastle fanfiction #kastlesmutweek #meganerinff #kastlenetwork #when i watch you dance #frank castle #karen page #the punisher #daredevil #Also peep @ all the references to Meat Loaf's song catalogue #Cause I can't come up with anything original #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[goddamnitkastle]

Just Stay Where You Are

It has happened! I have written my first Kastle fic inspired by my music soulmate Dermot Kennedy.

(In case it wasn’t obvious/you haven’t heard: I’m in love with him).

(Also #DermotintheKastle is most definitely happening in the fall when his debut album comes out).

Anyway here’s Frank taking care of a drunk Karen infused with all the raw vulnerability and goddamn feels Outnumbered gave me. I hope I captured it.

Enjoy!

“Hey just... stay where you are Karen. I’m coming.” Frank flies out the door, barely remembering to take his coat and keys with him. He pulls up to Josie’s and there’s Karen, waiting underneath the awning looking squeamish. “Are you okay?” “Yeah I just... I, um, threw up. Behind that bush.” He follows her embarrassed gaze to the aforementioned and rather dead bush. “That’s good, Karen. I have water in the car. Let’s get you home.” “I promise I’m not like this I just... it’s been a fucking ass of a week and I took it too far...” “It’s okay.” He chuckles as he half lifts her into the passenger seat. He fastens her seatbelt, gently closes the door. The radio is on low as he drives his van down 11th Avenue. A man sings about not going lonely here just yet. Karen has curled herself into a ball in the seat with her head pressed against the window. Her hair is mussed and the skirt of her dress is wrinkled but she is beautiful all the same. It’s cliche to think but Frank can’t help himself. She’s breathtaking to him in every way. He turns his attention back to the road. He hears her shift and thinks she’s just changing her sleeping position but out of the corner of his eye he sees her hand reaching across the space between them. “You need the water Karen...” “No.” She whispers as her hand weakly tries to grab at his fingers. He meets her the rest of the way. The distance is too wide though when she tries to pull his hand to put in her lap and she loses her grasp. They try again and their hands snap together. It’s a magnetic force Frank hasn’t felt in a long time. The distance is still awkward but neither move. They continue to hold onto each other as she dozes off again. He knows he should say something. There’s a lot he wants to say to her. I’m sorry. I know I let you down. I’m sorry. I know you love me. I’m sorry. It killed me to leave you at that hospital. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I’m sorry. I love... It’s the perfect moment to, there’s a chance she might hear him. “Karen...” His mouth goes dry. The faces of his family, bloody and lifeless flash across his mind. No, he can do this. Frank knows he can get there, to where she is. Karen is already there, waiting, he just has to meet her halfway... He drops her hand. Karen blinks awake and even in her inebriated state she knows. She puts her hand back in her lap. “You don’t know...” “Know what Karen?” “You don’t know, youshdon’t...” She slurs. He pulls over, they’re about a block away from her apartment building. “Don’t know you...” “We’re about a block away, are you okay to walk?”

“Yeah but...shdon’t know...”

“It’s okay Karen you don’t have to tell me.” “I don’t know why I never told you. But I, I have ideas. I’m not who you think I am. You think I’m this angel or saint or savior...” “I never thought that...” “Frank I killed...” “Karen.” “I did Frank. My brother Kevin died in a car wreck I caused. I shot a man seven times. There’s blood on these hands.” He turns off the car and gets out. Karen opens the door and is trying to get out by the time he reaches her. “Hey, stop you’re gonna...” “What? Get hurt?” She shouts. “Yes.” He answers in a deadpan tone. “Pfft I could hurt you. You know? I was uh, was uh, was uh... telling you. Before. Frank I killed...” “Karen, it doesn’t matter.” “Then what does matter, Frank?” Her eyes are glassy but that true blue hits him like an ocean wave. Again this would be the perfect moment. Everything inside of him screams to just say it: You matter to me. But he doesn’t. 

“Karen whatever you have done... it lead you here. You’re still here and that... that is enough. I’m glad you’re still here.”

Karen nods and he takes that as acceptance. Frank helps her out of the car and walks her to her building, with both of her hands clinging to the crook of his elbow. As they walk up to the third floor, Karen rests her head on his shoulder. “Take me off the pedestal, Frank. I’m not, I’m not, I’m not...” Her sentence becomes muttering gibberish as he fishes for her keys from her purse. “No. You’re not.” She looks up at him. His brings his hand to her face, his thumb lightly caressing her cheek. It’s all he will allow himself to do tonight. “You’re better. Real.” He opens her door and she goes in. He doesn’t follow. “Come inside.” “No.” “Please?” She asks while dramatically pouting. It lasts for about .2 seconds before she laughs, loud and sing-song like. “Not tonight.”

“Are you sure?”

For tonight, he has to be sure. He wants this to be done right. He can get it right, what this is between them is reciprocal. It has made him hopeful and believe again.

“I’m sure.” “Okay we’ll get home safe. This doesn’t feel fair, are you gonna be, gonna be, gonna be...” “Yes I’ll be fine. Get some sleep and take some aspirin.” “I can take care of myself.” she says like she’s stating the obvious. “I know.” He starts to walk away but she grabs his arm. “Wait Frank.” He turns back. He knows he shouldn’t but he can’t himself and he’s too tired to fight her. “Will we ever figure this out?” Yes we will. I will. Just give me time. “I’ll come by tomorrow.” He answers while taking her hand into his. “Promise?” “Promise.” She smiles and he smiles back. A moment passes and they both reluctantly let go at the same time. “Okay, Goodnight, Frank.” “‘Night, Karen.” … Karen would never believe him if he told her. I’m sorry. I know I let you down. I’m sorry. I know you love me. I’m sorry. It killed me to leave you at that hospital. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I’m sorry. I love... You matter to me. But maybe she would. Frank wouldn’t blame her though if she didn’t. He hasn’t exactly proved otherwise that she matters to him. That he would always come for her, be there for her. He’s never been the best with words but gestures he can definitely do. The pot of white roses sits on the floor of the passenger seat. There’s a note. It’s brief but to the point. Let’s figure it out. He’s almost to her place. He’s left her in the cold and dark for too long. The lights of Queensboro Bridge feel like stars, lighting the way and guiding him back to her.

#kastle #kastle fanfiction #meganerinff #kastlenetwork #just stay where you are #frank castle #karen page #the punisher #daredevil #And also make sure to notice the obvious After Rain reference #I couldn't resist #sorry not sorry #I just love him so much

[goddamnitkastle]

It's Almost Everything I Need

Counting Crows, my go to angst music, once again slapped me in the face with Kastle feels. This time it was Sullivan Street.

Post TPS2, a fraught reunion between these dumb-dumbs who will hopefully just figure it out one day. In a perfect world, something like this would’ve been part of TPS3.

Enjoy!

“Can you come pick me up?” He has no right to ask. He knows it and he’s pretty sure as hell that Karen knows it too. He can’t believe she picked up his call, she should know better… “Where are you Frank?” Of course she’d come for him. “Sullivan Street, Brooklyn.” “I’ll be there soon.” It takes almost an hour but she pulls up against the curb and he climbs in. “Who’s car is this?” Frank asks. “It’s mine. Had to get a new one after... well you were there. I think you remember.” He notes her hostility but doesn’t say anything. He deserves it. And he does remember. Even after crashing into her car that night she trekked through the woods to find him, believing he could still be redeemed.

“Where’re going?” “Just drive Karen.” He curtly answers as he buckles his seat belt. “Frank I don’t...” “Just head back to the Kitchen then. I’ll tell you when to drop me off.” She sighs as she puts the car into drive. The sun is starting to set, the long shadows beginning their crossing along the roof of the car. He licks his lips and tastes blood. He managed to forget the fight while waiting for her. Although ‘fight’ might be too generous for what happened. The other guy has two broken legs now and Frank just walked away with a split lip. “Who did that to you?” Karen asks. “Some piece of shit mobster... was beating up his wife and kid.” He chances a glance at her. She nods, turns her attention back to the road. If she’s trying to hide a smile he can’t tell. “Nice to know that your code hasn’t changed.” “I don’t have a code Karen...” “Yes you do.” Frank wants to argue but decides to drop it for both their sakes. They’re at a stoplight when he looks over at her again. That was a mistake, there’s so much regret in her features. “Hey Karen... I’m sorry...” “For what, exactly? For calling? For choosing your war over me? I could go on, I have a list.” “Do you now?” “Yeah. I’m still waiting for an apology about my car.” “Oh for Christ’s sake…”

“I mean it.”

“Well sweetheart. I got bad news, you’re not getting a dime from me for that.”

“Who said I wanted your money? Also I didn’t know vigilantism actually pays.”

He can’t help himself, he chuckles. She scowls and he stops immediately.

“Okay, I get it. You’re upset, I don’t blame you...” “You’re goddamn right I am.”

“But this ain’t about your car. It never was. Just… say what you really wanna say and cut it out with this dancing around bullshit?”

She scoffs, swipes her hand quickly across her cheeks.

“You know... when you called, I got hopeful. Yes after months of not hearing from you, not knowing if that day at the hospital was going to be the last time I would see you, my heart… surged at your voice. I thought you would tell me you were done. That you had finally...”

“What Karen?” “Had enough. And wanted peace. Wanted me.” They’re crossing the Brooklyn Bridge. The headlights flash past, providing levity from the shadows that surround them. But even in the dark her eyes are a beacon; a sea he wants to drown in willingly. She bites down on her bottom lip, rests her head into her hand while the other grips the wheel. “You’re right. That’s why I called. To tell you that... you were right. The war... it’s hollow. Killing has never brought me anything. No misery, no joy, no peace. It was just something to occupy my mind, my hands so I wouldn’t have to think about Maria, Lisa, Frankie...”

His voice chokes on their names. It always will, no amount of time will mend that.

“I’ve known that truth for a long time. But I didn’t want to let it go. I didn’t know... what to do or who I would be if I didn’t have it anymore.” Karen pulls over on a street off 9th Avenue. She turns the key one rotation counterclockwise, leaving the radio on but the engine off.

Love is a ghost train, rumbling through the darkness Hold on to me, darling, I've got nowhere else to go

He wants to ask her about the song that’s playing but she looks over at him and the question becomes irrelevant. The tears have dried but he knows one wrong word and she’ll kick him out of the car.

“I told you we can figure it out together.” “Yeah, that offer still good?” “Frank...” “Karen.” “I’m serious.” “I know you are. Do you... take it back?”

She squints at him in confusion.

“Take back...?” “Take back what you said. At the hospital.” Her mouth drops but she closes it quickly. “What are you...” “Come on, don’t do that. You said it, I think it went ‘doesn’t matter what I did, it doesn’t change how I feel about you.’ I understood what you meant. You were about to get on you knees and sacrifice yourself to some goddamn alter that would save my soul. Make me a good man again. And I want to be that for you but... it’s not gonna be now. It may not even be in this lifetime.” He takes her hand in his. She doesn’t fight him. “We won’t know until we try.” she says with a reassurance that hits him harder than any punch or kick. Stubborn as ever. It’s gonna come in handy he thinks. His thumb brushes along her knuckles. “I wanted to kill him. The guy who... I still want to...” “I know Frank.” She never flinches, never backs down. That should be enough but why is it not? Karen doesn’t need someone like him. She shouldn’t want someone like him and yet she does. And she’s willing to fight for it. He can have everything, he just has to hold on to it... “Will you stay?”

They’re by her bed when he asks her this. Her answer sends him to his knees.

“Yes I will.”

#kastle #kastle fanfiction #meganerinff #kastlenetwork #it's almost everything i need #frank castle #karen page #the punisher #daredevil

[goddamnitkastle]

Can You Forgive Me?

Happy #KastleValentine Week!

Apparently Kastle events are the only way I can write fics so keep them coming I guess?

Anyway this was inspired by @spacearts gorgeous #KastleChristmas gift to me (which I don’t think I will ever be over) and I kept my promise to myself to write a fic based on it.

One more note - This does take place after TPS2 but it does ignore all events after episode 11. It’s because I started writing this days before the season dropped and I was not in the mood to adjust what I wrote to fit canon. Sorry not sorry.

Enjoy!

The steam from her coffee gets caught in a gust of wind. Perched on the window sill above her radiator it disappears then reappears, like the flow was replaced with another. Karen cautiously moves the cup closer to her. She doesn’t want the wind to turn her coffee cold too quickly. The window shouldn’t even be open, fall was finally giving way to winter. But Karen wasn’t quite ready to seal her apartment up for months on end. So the cold wind blows, now its relentlessness rustling up the flower pot of white roses that were also on the window sill. The petals and leaves shiver, brought to her only a few days ago by Frank. “Okay fine.” she murmurs. She closes the window and looks down below. He’s on her mind, but then again when is he not? Especially now that he’s a stoic part of her routine. A few months ago he dropped in again. They hadn’t spoken since the hospital, she knew better to leave him be. He was not in a good place then and her directness about their relationship was brushed off. She was almost resigned to the way things ended but then there he was, standing in her doorway, asking for a way back into her good graces. Why he ever thought he was pushed out she’ll never... It doesn’t matter now. He found his way back and that was enough. They spent that first night discussing their recent traumas. It takes them a week to catch them both up and most of the nights end with them in tight, overbearing hugs, crying at the absurdity of it all. They get past it though and they commit to staying in touch, Frank vows to choose love over war from now on. He starts stopping by a few times a week. They have dinner or just drinks, depending on their moods. He’ll bring her flowers every time. They now talk about mundane topics and it all feels so right. For them it shouldn’t but their respective shitstorms have settled and for once it was nice to talk about co workers and subway delays or laugh at a puppy video on YouTube with him. Karen pulls her dusty pink cardigan closer and clasps the top button. She turns to the case file she put down on the love seat. She should really prep, Amy Bendix is in hot water again and she has turn to Nelson and Murdock for help. No doubt they were recommended by Frank. She sits back down, opens Amy’s case file. Karen laughs at the amount of identities this girl has racked up. Just then the locks on her door begin to turn. Karen goes still but quickly remembers. Frank insisted for two whole weeks on not having a key to her place. But after a slightly embarrassing climb in through her bedroom window and their schedules not always lining up it wasn’t long until Karen put that spare key into his palm and he accepted it with silent gratitude. The door opens and Karen gives Frank a quick wave. She takes a sip of her coffee and feigns going back to the file but she doesn’t get past Amy’s aliases. Frank puts his backpack down and hangs his coat. Out of the corner of her eye she sees him come into the living room. He’s been completely bruise and injury free since his return and Karen still can’t get over it. He looks human, real. Not some harbinger of death or broken parts barely stitched together. “So uh, Amy told me you took her case.” “Yup. The arraignment is on Monday.” Karen confirms. “The boys give you a hard time?” “Eh, not really. They are worried about her past... activities. But Matt knew Amy wasn’t lying about taking the money.” “You think they’ll be able to avoid jail time for her?” “Oh definitely. She might have to do community service though...” He shrugs. “The kid can take it.” She laughs. Frank crosses to her and stands behind the seat. “Anything good?” “Oh have you not read this?” He chuckles. “Just kind of skimmed it...” His hand rests on her shoulder. Both of them are still for a spell. Karen keeps chickening out on placing her hand on his. But then she feels it. A soft pressure on the crown of her head. “Frank...” “I’m sorry was that...” “No, no.” She shifts in the seat and looks up at him. He’s trying to hide it but he’s scared shitless. A line was crossed and they’re gonna have to have an actual discussion about this relationship but Karen knows she doesn’t want to go back. She takes his hand and has it cross over so that it’s on her left shoulder. She grips his fingers and he catches up. A second later he crouches over the seat and into the hug she had made for them. The temples of their heads are touching and their breathing synchronizes. They stay like this for a while with only the sounds of the wind and her radiator accompanying them. “Thank you.” “It’ll be fine Frank. Amy has nothing...” “No. Thank you. For letting me back in.” He kisses her temple. God she wants him to kiss her. It feels like it could be possible now... “You hungry?” On cue her stomach rumbles. “I guess so.” “Don’t worry. I got it.” He stands back up and heads to the kitchen. Karen closes Amy’s file and picks up her mug. They’ll have plenty of time to talk about her case. But right now dinner needs to be made.

#kastlevalentine #kastle #kastle fanfiction #meganerinff #frank castle #karen page #kastlenetwork #spacearts #daredevil #the punisher #can you forgive me?

[goddamnitkastle]

Far From The Shallow Now

Happy #KastleChristmas!

My gift is for @kastlequill, who gave me free reign to do pretty much whatever I wanted (just had to be sfw) so that was deeply appreciated, thank you. So yeah it ended up becoming my long awaited return to writing fic for this ship! Yay!

I am really proud that I was able to make this happen cause life currently sucks for me at the moment and having any motivation/will to live is so fucking hard for me right now! Nevertheless deadlines are great! And so is this fandom!

So this was inspired by 2018′s A Star Is Born, particularly the scene in which Jackson (Bradley Cooper) whisks Ally (Lady Gaga) away from a cop bar after she punches a guy in the face (it was awesome) who was being a dick to Jackson. From there, he takes her to a CVS/Duane Reade/Walgreens/whatever to get frozen peas for her hand and they bond/begin to fall in love in the parking lot.

My immediate thought after seeing this was that I needed to write a Kastle version of it and now here we are. It is not the scene verbatim or an AU but rather a twist on it done in canon-ish (it’s suppose to take place post DDS3), true to Kastle fashion. 

Alright I think I blabbed for long enough.

Enjoy!

She doesn’t remember leaving the bar. She doesn’t remember Frank’s hand on the small of her back as they quickly got into his van. She doesn’t even remember her fist connecting to the asshole’s jaw when he tried to strong arm her.

But then it hits her. Frank is pulling into a parking lot when Karen’s hand flares up in pain. She looks down, her knuckles bright red and fingers swollen.

“Come on, Rocky.”

“Jesus Christ.”

The pain is angry and seething as they walk into the Duane Reade.

“Frank this is ridiculous, I have a first aid kit at home.”

“Doesn’t matter. If we don’t get the swelling down now you could fuck up your hand pretty bad.”

“Look I’m...”

The pain shoots through her arm and Karen lets out a pained ah.

“You were saying?”

Karen closes her mouth as they approach the freezer section. He grabs a bag of peas and turns to her.

“This is gonna sting.”

He gently places the bag on her hand. It does sting but the relief is worth it. He lifts it away, his eyes honed in on her fingers.

“Okay put your hands side by side for me, yeah?” He instructs as he reaches for her other hand. His fingertips are calloused but gentle, almost featherlight against her wrist bones. Karen bites her lip to suppress the gasp that formed at his touch.

“Now move your good hand.”

She does and her knuckles crack.

“Been typing all day huh?”

“Yeah. There’s been a lot of paperwork for our new office space.” Karen chuckles.

“I know you were telling me before that piece of shit... don’t matter, now try with the other...”

And no surprise Karen barely can.

“Okay yeah keep the peas on it. Don’t want you to lose your way with words. I’ll go get some gauze.”

She smiles as he stomps down the aisle, intent on finding the gauze when he looks over at the potato chip selection. He grabs a bag of Cheetos without hesitation.

“Cheetos?”

“What? You were saying back at the bar how you haven’t eaten all day.”

She shakes her head and follows him.

The cashier barely registers their slightly haphazard appearances. Her holding a bag of of peas on her hand and him with his wild, outgrown hair and beard.

(He’s been saying for weeks now how he needs to get a cut. Karen has been secretly hoping he’ll never get around to it.)

They check out and head back to the van. He opens the sliding door for her and motions for her to sit. He tosses the Cheetos in the front seat and starts taking the gauze out of the packaging. A few moments of silence pass as Frank wraps her hand.

“There that should do it.”

Karen’s bandaged hand falls into her lap as Frank takes a seat beside her.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

The streets are abnormally quiet, with the occasional car and passerby. Only then does Karen realize how late it is.

“How long?”

She knew it wouldn’t be long before he asked.

“How long what?”

“That been going on for? Assholes getting in your face.”

“Um, pretty much from the start, when I was at the Bulletin. It was never that bad until Fisk got out of jail but I guess he still...”

“Has it out for you.” Frank finishes as he scratches his beard.

“Yeah.”

“And this was cause you got in his face? Right? You said, uh...”

“Yeah it was while you were gone. I was trying to get him to attack me but it backfired. It was reckless and stupid and...”

“It was. You scared the shit out of me when you told me.”

“Frank I don’t...”

“Why would you do that? Just throw yourself into the line of fire like that?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Okay? He’s gone... for now. And you’re here.”

She knows he wants to press on but he restrains himself. For now anyway.

“That was a decent punch by the way.”

She turns her head to him, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, clearly.” She emphasizes with her injured hand.

“Hey you got him that’s what counts.”

They’re both laughing. It doesn’t last long though and it’s quiet again.

“Why didn’t you call Karen? When that was all going down?”

“Frank...”

“I would’ve came. You know that, right?”

“Of course I know that. Look you said you needed to get away and I didn’t want to ruin that.”

“You wouldn’t have ruined...”

“Frank Castle needs a chance to live. Not the Punisher.”

Frank scoffs and gets up.

“Frank Castle won’t survive if people he cares about get needlessly killed.”

“I know but it wasn’t your fight.”

He turns to her, visibly upset.

“The hell it is. I told you about what went down between me and Fisk when I was in Rikers. I have just as much stake in this as you and Nelson and Murdock...”

He draws out the Murdock and Karen has to fight the urge to roll her eyes.

“Frank I told you I didn’t want to talk about this...”

“Too fucking bad we are.”

His cutoff startles her and he knows it did. He raises his hand but retreats it immediately. He takes a breath, mutters a string of words; unintelligible and soft. Karen cradles her hand, the peas have gone lukewarm. A car horn blares in the distance, breaking the awkward pause.

“Karen I... I promised you that I was never gonna let anything happen to you...”

“You’re not always gonna be there Frank...”

“Maybe I want to be.”

He clenches his jaw and Karen knows she looks dumbstruck to him.

“Look when I left... it wasn’t cause of Russo or Rawlins or all that shit. I left... cause I’ve been scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of me. Of this, us. There’s something here Karen. And don’t go saying that there ain’t something cause I’m not gonna fucking hear it okay? You spoke of an after and I didn’t want to hear it then but...”

He’s close now, her knees slightly brushing against his. He looks down, half in shadow and half illuminated by harsh fluorescents.

“But?”

“Let’s just go into this together? Dive in, yeah? I’m not good with words but you were there... you believed in me when no one else did. I want to be the same for you.”

He gets on his knees, his hands gripping the floor of the van.

“Frank, I’m afraid that whatever we do beyond... this... I ruin things. I try and I try but I just...”

“Hey. Hey.” He places his hands on top in her thighs.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

She feels it again. The pull she felt when they were in the elevator. She couldn’t control herself then and she concludes right then and there that she never could with him.

Their foreheads meet and it’s the closest feeling to home that Karen has had in a long time.

“I was never one for the shallow end of the pool. I always went for the deep end.”

“You’re a swimmer?”

“Not competitively. Just during the summers at my grandparents’ house in upstate New York.”

He smiles and she smiles and there’s this click, like the universe has finally snapped itself back into its proper place.

“Can I tell you a secret?” He asks after a while. They’re still sitting in the van. He’s been running his fingers down her open palm, cradling the makeshift ice pack he made for her in his lap.

“Yeah?”

“I think we’re gonna be fine. But I’m warning you now, I’m not the best at keeping secrets.”

Before he can spill another one she silences him with a kiss.

#kastlechristmas #kastle #kastle fanfiction #meganerinff #frank castle #karen page #kastlenetwork #kastlequill #daredevil #the punisher #far from the shallow now #Sorry if my intro got a little tmi #I added lots of exclamation marks to make it less miserable sounding #Regardless I hope you like it :)

[goddamnitkastle]

Unbelievable

Part of Damn The Dark, Damn The Light

Bonus gift! I loved this scene that I wrote between Frank and Claire that I am sharing it even though it’s not entirely Kastle-centric.

I just really want them to meet. Please Marvel, please 🙏🏼

Once again for @kastlenetwork 

Enjoy :)

”Honestly that side effect is the worst of it all. The no need for sleep.”

Claire is filling up a test tube of her sedative, which is suppose to help Karen sleep. Her eyes hone in on pouring just enough of it inside without spilling it. She puts the jar down and screws a cap onto the tube.

“The victims...”

Frank turns to her, meets her gaze. He feels his eyebrow go up.

“The... infected?” Claire tries out.

His grunts at that.

“Patients?”

“Why don’t you call us what we really are Claire? Huh?”

Claire sighs as she sticks the tube into the case she’s preparing for him.

“Look vigilantes, superheroes, I can handle that. Hell I fought side by side with a kung foo fighter with a glowing fist. But this...”

“Yeah. Will she...”

“She’ll be fine Castle. The process is happening verbatim. This sedative is just for an emergency or if...”

Claire puts her fingertips to the cut on her lip. Frank can see she’s reliving something and it wasn’t good.

“I didn’t sleep before so it hasn’t really been... an issue.”

She chuckles but it doesn’t reach her eyes. They’re silent for a few moments. It’s not uncomfortable but there’s a buzz in the air and it hasn’t gone away since the outbreak.

“Have you heard anything? Where or why?”

“Rumors mostly. The government seems to be honing in on the bat theory. They’re basically extinct. But I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a patient zero.”

“Is there?”

Claire furrows her brow.

“Would you know?”

“How would I know Frank?” 

“You’re in it Claire. You’ve gotta heard...”

“I haven’t heard shit.”

“Why don’t I believe you?”

“Fine, don’t then. But you want to know what I’m dealing with? Kids ripping their mouths open from the fangs. Moms holding their dead kids, puncture wounds in not just their necks. Everywhere you can imagine. And it’s not just the living dead Frank, the actual dead have flooded the morgue. The hospitals want to have a bill pass that permits them to make mass graves and forget the paperwork. So yeah I’m in it Frank. And it’s absolute fucking shit.”

“Claire...”

“Just get Karen out of here. Where are you going anyway?”

“Probably better you don’t know.”

“Alright. Well this is yours then.”

She closes the case and hands it to him.

“Thank you Claire. Really.”

Before he knows what’s happening he’s puts the case back on the table and he’s pulling her into a hug. She doesn’t move or respond for what feels like forever but he feels it. Every defense of hers crumbling and the moment she finally breaks down and hugs him back. Time is precious but neither of them prompt to break the hug. Eventually he lets go of her and steps back.

“You lover her? Right?” She asks.

It’s a question he’s not surprised she’s asking. Micro asked something similar in a different lifetime. He couldn’t put it into then and he still can’t.

“I can’t let anything more happen to her.” He settles with. He meant it when he told Karen that at the waterfront and it’s still true.

“Take care Claire.” 

“Same to you. Even with your newly gained abilities, you’re still covered in bruises. Unbelievable.”

His mouth quirks up. He grabs the case, makes his way to van. Later tonight he’ll take Karen away. Get as much distance as he can between them and this god forsaken apocalypse.

#kastle fic/art exchange #kastlenetwork #meganerinedit #meganerinff #kastle fanfiction #frank castle #claire temple #karen page #the punisher #daredevil #damn the dark damn the light #Also #Please forgive the awful edit #My computer is being such an ass lately #unbelievable

[goddamnitkastle]

11 Blocks

FINALLY! 

I was wondering if this fic would ever see the light of day, I’m glad I didn’t give up on it. I think it needed elements from the first season of The Punisher to complete it. 

Inspired by 11 Blocks by Wrabel

Enjoy :)

Three years and it’s still so vivid. The day at the carousel viciously thrives in his memory, time refusing to dull it. He can’t walk into a park without his chest tightening. Every time he sees a family a scream forms in his throat. Even as he tries to sleep the faces of those he loves offer no solace. They simply stare back at him. Not moving and in shock.

As he walks along 10th Avenue he wonders if he should just do it. Fling himself into oncoming traffic. These suicidal tendencies aren’t anything new but they’d become stronger recently. Three years isn’t necessarily significant in terms of milestones. No the number 3 is usually related to deaths.

They all go in threes the saying goes.

His eyes start watering and he blinks the tears away. He wants to get back to the bunker first. Then he’ll break down. But not now, not when the 9 to 5’s are coming out of their office buildings, heading home. They don’t need to see that sight as they begin their weekends.

He recounts his day of retconning on some trust fund baby. There wasn’t anything incriminating, just some dick with a BMW and too much time to kill. Micro had passed the info along, there wasn’t much to go on aside from tabloid rumors of foul play with an adult film star. He vaguely remembers seeing her face on the news, covered in bruises.

But hey something to do, right? Micro suggested. Frank knew it was a nudge to get him out, he hadn’t left the bunker in three weeks. He left early in the morning, intel in hand. Dusk was settling now; the city phasing into its night scene.

He looks up to see where he is before he wanders too far off. Only 11 more blocks. He wants to go straight but stops cold. He recognizes the corner bodega. He’s been here before, a few times. He feels like a fucking idiot for forgetting. The first was almost three years ago. At the time his heart was racing, Reyes was dead and every cop was on his trail...

He had tracked down her address, hoping she was brought home and not caught in the crossfire. The cop car in front of her building confirmed that. The cops would be easy to take down but he was terrified of her. He didn’t know if he could convince her, all signs pointed to him for killing Reyes. But she had to know it wasn’t him and that Blacksmith was still out there. And he wouldn’t stop until they were all dead. Tower. Murdock. Nelson.

Page.

(That night also thrives, when he’s dead asleep and his family hasn’t come to remind him of all his shortcomings.)

(Her whispered, near hysterical “I believe you” haunts him as he drowns in blue. Everything is blue with her.)

He stops in front of the building. The light in her apartment is on. He shouldn’t be here. Neither should she, it was the kind of night to go on an adventure. Not with him though, it’s been a year since they last spoke to each other. After all the shit with Anvil and Kandahar they mutually agreed to minimal contact. For her safety, for his reputation. Despite this agreement there are flowers outside her window. Even from far away he can see that they’re in bad shape.

He paces the sidewalk, fully aware of the looks he’s getting from passerbys.

What would he even say? I walked here, realized where I was, and all I could think of was you? And the night when my hands were up and you almost took the shot?  

The memories come flooding in. Every moment they spent together. Her freezing cheek when he kissed it. Her silhouette against the bench at the river. The deafening. ringing sound after their bodies smacked into the tile floor. The feeling of her forehead against his, bringing on the slightest fraction of peace in him after a day of fucking hell.

He walks away, wishing more than anything he was someone else. But he can’t. He has to be... this now. He was reborn into this new life and this life requires solitude.

“Frank?”

Damn she is quick. He turns in reluctance, sees that she must’ve literally ran down the stairs to catch him. No robe and in her pajamas. At least she remembered to grab shoes.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighborhood. I gotta go.”

“Wait.”

He stops in spite of himself.

“Are you okay? I know it’s coming up... the...”

“Karen.”

“I know you want to be alone. I respect that. But you can always reach out to me. Just... be careful.”

She is always concerned for his safety, just as he is. It shouldn’t be that way but that’s never been them. She wraps her arms around herself. She’s turning away from him and his mind can’t stop.

“What do you do?”

“What?”

“Kevin. When that day comes.”

Her eyes go wide.

“How do you...”

“Doesn’t matter. Tell me. Please.”

She’s visibly upset, wants to push on but at his please she swallows and shakes her head.

“Uh... nothing special. I know, that sounds awful but I don’t exactly have a grave to visit or my parents to... honestly I just listen to his favorite songs. He had his own playlist on my iPod. So last year when I got home from work I played it. And cried. I eventually fell asleep and then... it was over. The sun rose and I was still alive. Still here.”

He didn’t realize how much he missed her voice until right now. The broken rawness that was reserved only for him. He knew he brought that out of her and it hurt him.

He walks to her and she is staring back.

“Thank you Karen.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I should get going.”

“Yeah just uh, call me? Or let me know you’re...”

“Yeah I will.”

She climbs up the steps to the front door of her building. He watches her go. His chest feels lighter and he recognizes it as the feeling of relief. Of feeling understood. His mind tells him to not hurt her or himself. He wrestles with his thoughts as he heads into the corner bodega to buy flowers.

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[goddamnitkastle]

There are flowers on her window sill. White and a little lopsided. He thought about getting flowers for Karen. What do you get someone who thinks you’re dead? Do you get flowers and a card? Is the card full of profuse apologies or a one liner?

Talk about pushing daisies! I’m not dead! I got this card to go along with these actual daisies to land this revelation reveal return a little easier.

He shakes his head at the absurdity of that scenario. A car horn blares and he whips his head around. He catches snippets of conversations, music, texts, the private thoughts of passerbys. They all jumble together into a clusterfuck symphony.

New York City is a far cry from Fagan. From his father’s lab…

He pulls the hoodie on his head tighter, thinking it can help him disappear.

But Kevin can’t. He’s risking a lot just by being here but he needs her help.

All he has to give Karen is time lost.

Hopefully she’ll understand.

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[goddamnitkastle]

“Give me time. With Micro I can have…”

“Frank.”

He stills his movements but his hands still shake.

“It’s too late. And the later it gets, it’s just… I hope he’s at peace.”

He says her name then mumbles something incoherent. She can see the gears shifting, the thoughts he’s trying to convey to her, the thoughts he wants her to understand.

“He’s dead Karen. And you don’t know why or even really, how. He ain’t ever gonna be at peace and neither will you.”

She wonders how their roles have reversed. How he’s the one digging and she has given up. She has the answer and she finds herself back in a visiting room, in a prison far away.

“What if I don’t find it?”

She meets his gaze. He’s gobsmacked but he’s keeping his stoic stance.

“If I pursue this, if I unravel this mystery, find the truth, what if… nothing changes? I reach and reach until every last bastard responsible for Kevin’s death is gone and after all that, I will still feel for the rest of my life this nothingness, this hollowness that he left behind.”

He doesn’t say anything. How can he?

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