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duhragonball · 5 years

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Dragon Ball GT Retrospective (5/7)

[Note: I originally wrote this on January 14, 2013.]

The final arc of Dragon Ball GT is one big slap in the face of anyone who held out hope that it would somehow get better. I remember when Funimation promoted the last round of episodes premieing on Cartoon Network. "The Shadow Dragons Saga". That just sounds epic, right? They couldn't possibly screw that up, right? I mean, Shadow Dragons have to be awesome, whatever they are. It's probably a law or something. Well, someone call the cops, because Toei found a way to take a concept like "Shadow Dragons" and make it suck.

The story begins with the fallout from the Super 17 Saga. Goku and his friends gather the Earth's Dragon Balls to repair the damage caused by the Hell portal, but when they find the balls, they're all cracked. Unsure how to proceed, they decide to summon the Eternal Dragon anyway, and to their horror the whole thing goes pear-shaped. Smoke billows out of the cracks of the balls, and the dragon that emerges is completely different from the Shenron they usually deal with. This dragon smokes a big cigar and he mocks the heroes when they ask to make a wish. The Smoke Dragon then takes the Dragon Balls away and dissipates. At this point, the Elder Kai contacts Goku and explains what the hell just happened. The whole issue stems from a throwaway line from the end of Dragon Ball Z. Then, the Elder Kai disapproved of using the Dragon Balls to revive the victims of Majin Buu. He trusted the Namekians with the power of the Dragon Balls because they refrained from using them, but he felt that frequent wish-making would interfere in the "natural evolution" of the universe, or something like that. At the time, everyone just assumed he was being conservative, but this Smoke Dragon is what he had been worried about from the beginning. The short version is that the Dragon Balls have side-effects. Each time you make a wish, it introduces bad karma to the balls. They store the negative energy until they can't contain it any longer, and if that happens they crack and release an evil dragon that can destroy the world. Normally the safety valve for this is that the Dragon Balls scatter across the planet after each use, and they take centuries to find again, which is plenty of time for the negative energy to dissipate. But Bulma invented the Dragon Radar, which has allowed her and her friends to gather the Dragon Balls multiple times in a matter of decades. This latest attempt was the straw that broke the camel's back. Bulma quickly shifts the blame to Goku, since she never would have been able to gather the Dragon Balls without his help, and Goku decides that the only way to make things right is to go kick some evil dragon ass. Pan tags along with Giru (the robot who assimilated the Dragon Radar), and that's the status quo for the next several episodes. The Smoke Dragon separates into seven evil Shadow Dragons, each with a Dragon Ball embedded in his body. Giru locates them with the radar, Goku fights them for a while, repeat seven times. As you might have anticipated, I have several problems with this premise. First, the Dragon Balls aren't some magic talisman that appeared out of nowhere. Granted, they didn't come with an instruction manual, but over the course of the story, we learn how they were created and how they work. The Namekians essentially "invented" the art of making Dragon Balls, and the general rule is that a set of balls is only as powerful as its creator allows it to be. Thus, the Earth's Dragon Balls could resurrect the dead, but they were helpless against Vegeta and Nappa, who were stronger than Kami, their creator. The Namekian Dragon Balls could grant three wishes, but they could only resurrect one person per wish. Dragon Balls can also be "transferred" from one creator to another. When Kami merged with Piccolo, Goku recruited another Namek, Dende, to reactivate his Dragon Balls. Dende not only accomplished this, but he took requests, and rearranged the wishing power of the Dragon to grant two wishes instead of just one. As a bonus, you could just make one wish, then come back and make the other four months later instead of waiting a full year. When Guru, the creator of Namek's Dragon Balls, died, Moori became their new caretaker, and he removed the whole "one resurrection per wish" limitation. The point I'm trying to make here is that the "technology" of the Dragon Balls is pretty well understood, and while it might seem magical to the uninitiated, experts like Dende, Mr. Popo, and Moori were always happy to answer questions and explain the rules. So why didn't they ever say anything about the dangers of overuse? When the Smoke Dragon appears, Mr. Popo mentions how an evil dragon destroyed an entire star system once. Why didn't he say anything about this before? Of course, it's not like the good guys used the Balls frivolously. Most of the time it was kind of an emergency, or a matter of stopping a bad guy from using them first. But still, at some point they should have come forward and explained the risks. "Look, we seriously have to stop using the Dragon Balls or else." Second, assuming the Dragon Balls were designed with this limitation in mind, why do they only turn to stone for a single year? Whoever wrote this episode of GT never considered the fact that the Dragon Balls already had a safety valve in that they can't be used continuously, even if you have the means to re-gather them all. If the safest course is to use the Dragon Balls only once every 100 years, as Elder Kai says, then why not fix it so the Dragon Balls remain inert for a full 100 years? This is the same problem I had with the Black Star Dragon Balls destroying the world after each use. Why would anyone create something so inherently dangerous? This would be like Sauron forging the One Ring and if he doesn't take it to Mars and polish it exactly seven times on every seventh Thursday it blows up and kills him. No, that's dumb. He made it convenient for himself. If he loses it, it'll find its way back to him. It's indestructible unless you take it deep within the heart of his own territory. That's not airtight, but it's pretty safe. I could accept that the Black Star Dragon Balls were a flawed, overpowered creation, but this "negative energy" idea holds that any Dragon Balls are flawed and overpowered. What good are they if you can only make one wish every century, and there's no one around to enforce that rule? Third, no one ever brings up the Namekian Dragon Balls, which were used almost as often as the Earth's set. If each wish contaminates the Balls, then a set that grants three wishes a pop should be even more dangerous. Worse, the Namekian year is roughly one-third of an Earth year, so the Namekian Dragon Balls can be used three times more frequently. The Namekians themselves had little need for that many wishes, but after the battles with Frieza, Buu, and Baby, they had to use them to help out the people of Earth at least five times. That's fifteen wishes, dammit. So where's their evil smoke dragon monster? No one even attempts to explain this, which just makes the premise that much harder to believe. I'm not saying Dragon Ball or Dragon Ball Z were free of plot holes, but Akira Toriyama worked pretty hard to establish the rules of the story and keep them straight. With GT they just do whatever and hope the audience doesn't think about it too hard. Fourth, why don't they just kill Dende? The deal is that if the Dragon Balls' caretaker dies, then the Balls and the Dragon both go inert. Usually this is a obstacle to be overcome, but in GT the Dragon Balls seem to cause more problems than they solve. Piccolo sacrificed himself to prevent the Black Star Balls from being used again, so why doesn't Dende take one for the team and end this Shadow Dragon crisis before it starts? Of course, he doesn't have to die, he could just use his power over the Dragon to deactivate it, right? Again, I could live with this as long as someone on the show offered an explanation why this won't work. The whole premise seems to hinge on the idea that the negative energy contaminating Shenron is much stronger than the powers of Shenron himself or his creator. But why should that be? If the negative energy is a backlash to the energy used to grant wishes, then shouldn't evil Shenron be exactly as powerful as regular Shenron? He can be despicable and uncontrollable, but physically he's no stronger than before. King Piccolo killed Shenron with one hit, and Goku's like a million times stronger than that in GT. And yet the Shadow Dragons are strong enough to give a Super Saiyan 4 a hard time. I can appreciate the poetry of the Dragon Balls themselves being the final boss of the Dragon Ball mythos, but it just doesn't line up with everything we've known about the Dragon Balls leading up to this. For all the hype, Shenron was never omnipotent, and he's actually pretty fragile when you get down to it. His main role is to solve problems that can't be fixed with punching or explosions, so putting him in a situation where he has to trade punches with Goku is kind of dumb. Toei tried to solve this problem by beefing up Shenron, effectively turning him into an unrecognizable set of characters. Instead of one giant dragon who looks pretty scary, we get seven humanoid-looking goofs who are supposed to be insanely powerful, but most of them just suck. More than half of the Shadow Dragons are pathetic. I'm not saying that to insult the concept, I mean they are literally pathetic characters. Goku shows up and they go all to pieces, mostly for the sake of bad comedy. Then they use guile and treachery instead of strength, and Goku only wins when he finally stops screwing around. I suppose this was a deliberate plan to make the Shadow Dragons feel like other groups in Dragon Ball. Each Shadow Dragon is stronger than the last, and the real challenge is to beat the one at the end. Fair enough, but why would Shenron divide himself so unevenly? For that matter, why do the good guys play along with that? Goku wants to fight them all by himself and no one has a problem with that? Considering how weak most of the enemies are, they would have been better off sending Goten or Majuub to wipe out some of them while Goku handles the tough ones. Anyway, the worst part about the Shadow Dragons is that they each get at least one whole episode to show off how much they suck. The Two-Star Dragon: Funimation gave each Shadow Dragon a name, and they called this one "Haze Shenron" because he deals in pollution. He's the weakest Dragon, but his pollution powers make his enemies even weaker, so that's why it takes twenty minutes to beat him. This is dumb, because all the heroes in the show are adept at sensing ki, the life energy everyone uses for shooting fireballs and flying and so forth. Goku can tell that Haze Shenron is weak just by looking at him, but for some reason he can't sense his own power fading. Of course, if he'd just destroyed Haze at first sight, he could have avoided the entire issue, but they had to stop and talk to him first. Haze's weakness is his overconfidence. Once he has Goku and Pan beaten, he tosses them into a polluted lake, thinking the acidity would corrode their flesh in minutes. Instead, Giru (who is unaffected by pollution because he's a robot) rescues them and drags them to a cleaner part of the lake. Not only does this clean water revive them, but they stay down there for like five minutes without drowning. Now that they have a second chance to beat Haze, they take him out with one hit and recover the Two-Star Dragon Ball. The Five-Star Dragon: This guy was named "Rage Shenron", which doesn't make sense unless rage has something to do with electricity, which is his power. Rage looks like a deformed bird fetus, and he controls purple slime that feeds on electricity. He's not much stronger than Haze, so he uses all of his electric slime to create a giant replica of himself to ride around in. Goku turns Super Saiyan 4 to fight him, but his attacks are useless against Rage's slime, which can absorb ki blasts and redirect them. Rage's weakness is his overconfidence. Once the battle starts going his way, he gathers so much electrical power that his slime body grows to the size of a small town. Goku and Pan are helpless against him, but fortunately it rains. Rain short circuits the slime, destroying it, but Rage's body is so large that he can't take shelter. Goku and Pan literally float in the air and watch the dumbass beat himself because he was too sloppy to check the weather forecast. Rage makes a fake surrender ploy at the very end, so Goku blows him away with a Kamehameha just for good measure. The Six-Star Dragon: They called this one "Oceanus Shenron", although he seems to be more of a wind elemental than a water one. At this point, the continuity starts to get fuzzy, because it seems like Goku and Pan have only been at this for one afternoon, but by the time they track down Oceanus, he's already established himself as a local legend in this fishing town. His tampering with nature somehow causes fish to fly out of the ocean and onto dry land, and the villiagers gather them up instead of fishing like they're supposed to be doing. For no apparent reason, Oceanus assumes the form of a green woman called "Princess Oto", but Goku and Pan see through the disguise immediately. Oceanus mostly spams this one attack, Whirlwind Spin, which resembles a hurricane. Even though Goku once broke a mountain in half with his bare hands, the air pressure it strong enough to pin him down. He could power up to Super Saiyan 4, but he doesn't. I have no idea why. Oceanus' weakness is his overconfidence. Pan is too stupid to figure out the flaw in Whirlwind Spin, so a seagull demonstrates it for her. Like a hurricane, the center of the attack is relatively calm, so if you fly in directly overhead, you can get in a free shot. Pan hits Oceanus with a Kamehameha, and Goku uses his own for good measure, and that's it. The Seven-Star Dragon: This one is named "Natron" or "Naturon". I don't even know what that means, since he's a body thief who digs tunnels. He hot dogs it for a whole episode just so he can pretend to lose and trick Pan into taking his Dragon Ball. This allows him to take control of her body, which he uses to become much stronger (his first body was an ordinary mole, so it's a big step up). Pan's not that strong in Dragon Ball Z terms, but apparently Pan + Natron Shenron is somewhat impressive. It's kind of hard to tell how strong he is, though, because Goku keeps holding back for fear of killing his grandaughter. Natron's weakness is... his overconfidence. Goku plays possum near the end, and Natron taunts him by allowing Pan to partially emerge from his body. Goku yanks her out, leaving Natron stuck in his true form, which is somehow even smaller and crappier than the other three Shadow Dragons we've seen so far. For some reason Goku's totally cool beating up this sad sack in his SSJ4 form, even though he barely bothered to use it against the other three. Kamehameha, and we're done. They spent two episodes on this bullcrap, so I especially hate this one. The Four-Star Dragon: This one has fire powers, so Funimation named him "Nuova Shenron". I don't know why they spelled it that way, unless it was for trademark purposes. They didn't call the Two-Star Dragon "Haiz Shenron" though. Nuova looks pretty dumb, but compared to the first four he at least looks like a worthy opponent. He's also the first one who can actually fight worth a damn. So of course Toei introduces him just as Goku's inexplicably weakened from hunger. It's not like they're in the middle of nowhere. Goku could fly back home in a few minutes and grab something to eat in between dragons, so why did he walk into Nuova's turf unprepared? The result is a whole episode of pointless stalling. Nuova wants to play cat and mouse with Goku, even though he seems to be able to kill him in a toe-to-toe fight, thanks to his heat powers. Goku scampers around and whines about how hungry he is, and Nuova calmly walks around looking for him, apparently forgetting that he can a) fly, b) fly at super speed, and c) melt anything in his path. If Goku punches Nuova, he'll only burn his hand, so the only hope he has is energy blasts, which he can't use because he's too hungry. Nuova's weakness is sloppy writing. Even though Goku just got done complaining that he's too weak to fight with energy blasts, he turns around and starts harassing Nuova with energy blasts. The idea seems to be that he can't land a heavy blow, but he can whittle him down with hit-and-run attacks. This leads to Goku using the sewers for cover, and when Nuova chases him into the sewer, he's briefly stymied when he runs into a dead end. Blocking Goku's path is some sort of giant ventilation fan. He doesn't want to fight Nuova in close quarters, but that fan you guys. It's turning at speeds exceeding 3rpm. It must weigh at least twenty pounds, and it's probably made of solid aluminum. How can Goku possibly get past it? Well, he digs down deep, and somehow finds the courage and skill to time a perfect jump through this enormous, slow-moving fan that probably wouldn't have hurt him even if he missed. What's more confusing is that Nuova didn't just shoot him dead while he was waiting for the right moment. Once they're out of the sewer, Goku then decides to fight Nuova as a Super Saiyan 4, even though he was too weak to do anything else for most of the episode. Intermission: Now, in the midst of all this, Vegeta's back at home having a midlife crisis. This is probably the best episode of Dragon Ball GT, simply because it's roughly 50% flashbacks of cool scenes from DBZ. Vegeta's frustrated because he hasn't gotten to do anything for the whole series, mainly due to the fact that he never advanced beyond Super Saiyan 2, while Goku is two levels above that. He wants to help round up the Shadow Dragons, but Bulma warns him he'll die. Look, maybe he's not the strongest guy on the block anymore, but I'm pretty sure Vegeta could have taken out the first four Shadow Dragons, and I'm really sure he could have blasted apart that ventilation fan that stymied Goku. Also, Pan's a lot weaker than Goku and she managed to stay alive this long. Anyway, Bulma figures out how to turn Vegeta into a Super Saiyan 4 so he can join the battle. I'm kind of surprised it took this long for them to try it, since her plan is to just use the same technology that turned Vegeta into a Golden Great Ape during his possession by Baby. Cleansed of Baby's contamination, Vegeta can repeat the process, and jump from Golden Ape to SSJ4, the same way Goku did. Come to think of it, Vegeta could have just undergone the same procedure Goku used to grow his tail back. It's been like a year since SSJ4 was discovered, so it's not like he hasn't had time to work on that. What sucks about this episode is that they spend the entire time teasing SSJ4 Vegeta, but we don't get to see it until several episodes later. The Three-Star Dragon: While Nuova Shenron fights SSJ4 Goku in a halfway decent battle, his comrade "Eis Shenron" shows up and interferes. See, he has ice powers, so Eis=Ice, or something. The gag with Eis Shenron is that he's Nuova's brother, and while Nuova's been teasing a face turn during his battle with Goku, Eis is a cowardly opportunist. He uses Pan as a human shield, has no qualms about using dirty tricks to win, and when Nuova refuses to help him, he feigns surrender and blinds Goku with a.... You know, actually, I have no idea how Eis blinded Goku. He's on his knees surrendering, he surreptitiously dips his fingers into a frozen puddle on the ground, and then he swipes at Goku's face. The implication is that Goku's eyes have been poisoned somehow. I mean, is it poison ice? That doesn't make a lot of sense. And yet, afterwards, Goku washes his eyes out with water, and Nuova gives him a small bottle of "antidote" (where did he get it?). So I don't think we're talking about frostbitten corneas or whatever. The point is that Goku spends the next four episodes or so with his eyes shut. Eis' weakness is that Goku can kick your ass with his eyes shut. He stupidly assumes that blinding Goku "halves" his strength. Except Goku can sense his enemies' ki, so he can still fight just as effectively without looking. This has been demonstrated countless times in the past, so I don't know why Toei would pretend to ignore this years later. Eis and Nuova are supposed to be the strongest enemies Goku has encountered to date, but they fight like amateurs. Goku punches a hole in Eis' body and follows up with Super Dragon Fist, which would have been satisfying if he hadn't waited so long to use it. Nuova Shenron decides to withdraw, feeling that it would be wrong to fight Goku until he regains his sight. I find Nuova's change of heart ridiculous. The Shadow Dragons entire reason for being is to destroy the world. When Goku meets him, it's in the ruins of a city he presumably attacked and destroyed. He claims to have a code against hurting innocents or the defenseless, except he's made from evil energy and his ultimate goal is to destroy the world. Goku never questions him about this apparent conflict of interest, and it doesn't really matter because Nuova gets killed before it really becomes an issue. Just as he gives Goku the antidote to Eis' blinding attack, both he and the medicine are cut down by.... The One-Star Dragon: This guy doesn't have any elemental powers, so Funimation just called him "Syn Shenron". He's easily the strongest one, which begs the question of why he didn't just come after Goku from the start. He no-sells all of Goku's attacks, and leaves him battered and unconscious. Seems like a winner, right? Syn's weakness is GT Logic. Just when all seems lost, Goku's family and Trunks show up to help him. Gohan, Goten, and Trunks agree that they're not strong enough to fight alongside Goku, but they plan to donate their energy to Goku so he can recharge to full power. Majuub tries to hold off Syn Shenron, but to no avail. Despite the fact that Syn dominated a Super Saiyan 4, the boys manage to hold him off long enough. So if they can do that, why can't they just fight Syn directly? And if they really are no match for Syn, how are their combined powers sufficient to re-energize Goku? Of course, this whole paradox is just a retread of the last time SSJ4 Goku needed a recharge, back when he was fighting Baby. Goku insists on taking more energy from the boys than is safe to use, because he needs extra juice to cope with Syn's power. This is irritating, because it really isn't clear what the risks are in this situation. Gohan and the others are no worse for wear, in spite of giving "all" their energy to Goku, and Goku doesn't seem to get much stronger for the boost. It's just a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing. Goku does manage to get the upper hand on Syn, although it seems less like Goku is stronger and more like Syn just overdosed on stupid pills. Even though we've established that Goku can fight just as effectively while blind, Syn still tries to exploit the weakness by throwing a clockface from a tower at him. Goku then blows him away with a Kamehameha-Super Dragon Fist combination. The only catch is that it doesn't get the job done. Though beaten, Syn absorbs the other six Dragon Balls, transfoming into "Omega Shenron", the final final boss of Dragon Ball GT. Hoo-boy. NEXT: The Omega Glory

#dragon ball gt #really sucks #2013gt #no seriously i'm rereading these as i go and i'm seeing stupid bullshit that i had forgotten about #every once in a while i think to myself 'well gt wasn't *that* bad'#but no it was fucking awful #goku #pan #giru #rage shenron

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serpensthesia · 7 years

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The first rule of the ever-evolving 11-question meme is that you must always post the rules! The second rule is you must answer the questions given by the person who tagged you. The third rule is you must then write 11 questions of your own and tag 11 people (or however many, you do you, bb) to answer them!

(If it is your first time at the ever-evolving 11-question meme, you do not have to fight though.)

I was tagged by @silveredglass and @devinesis, who are both amazing like whoa. Please go check them out right this instant, you will not regret it! (Very long) Answers below the cut! My questions at the very, very bottom... just keep scrolling, just keep scrolling...

Answers to @silveredglass's questions:

1. Have you ever had something happen to yourself (not as a baby) that you didn’t remember until someone else told you about it?

Oh my goodness, all the time? I could truly be a living, breathing version of that psychology experiment given how often people remind me of things I have done but have no memory of them. A good example is that I do not remember reading Hamlet in high school, but bestfran, who was in the same class as me, swears up and down that we did. And not only that we did, but that it was like... a thing. Like parts were given out. People got into it. It's possible that costumes were worn? And I had no memory of this until she started talking about it. I very seriously thought she was lying to me, that's how much I had forgotten this happened. It was only after she started talking about it and telling me that it definitely happened that I was like "oh shit, you are right... you are so right." (Or she has some weird thing about wanting to implant false memories about Hamlet, which I guess I would also be okay with.)

2. Best food combination that shouldn’t work but does that you have ‘invented’?

This is actually really tough. I have made some pretty odd cupcakes in my day, but the one that is most often requested is my pear, feta and hefeweizen cupcake, which I am told is a pretty strange combination? But I guess not that strange because people want them all the time?

3. Do you like live theatre? Art exhibits? If so tell me about something you’ve seen that made an impact.

Very much so! We have a free museum here that houses many of my most favorite surrealist paintings, but it is also associated with the Rothko chapel, which is one of the most peaceful places I think I have ever been? The picture does not do those monolithic paintings justice, either... they are easily 3 or 4 times my height and truly overpowering to see up close. They look just all black, but they are filled with so much movement. Rothko is certainly a difficult painter to capture in photography. I could (and have) stared at them, lost in the shades and hidden colors, for moments that seemed very long. It's just silent in a loud way. 10/10, do recommend.

4. Do you have an accessory or jewellery or makeup that you wear almost always?

I have a silver ring with a little cross on it that my mother gave me, I think right before I started college? I wear it on my left ring finger, but it is neither a ~*purity ring*~ (because I am not religious and also purity rings are creepy) nor is it meant to signal any sort of message... it's just the most comfortable finger. Fun story. Not long after HGD and I started dating, he had my ring in his mouth (I don't know?) and bit (yes, with his teeth) it out of shape. He didn't think it was real silver? I don't know what he was thinking. But I was so angry. We took it to the place where it is from and they were not sure they would be able to reshape it because it looked like HGD had fucking bitten a stress fracture into my ring?! But it was fine (HGD got so lucky). So now it has little tiny teeth indents, which is dumb but also kind of wonderful. HGD isn't allowed to touch the ring anymore, though.

5. What is your strongest olfactory memory?

Any time I smell Chrome (the terrible, cheap cologne that every teenage boy seems to own?), I am transported back to being 16 years old in the early evening heat of August, and a boy is handing me his Pink Floyd shirt that is many sizes too big and saying "I heard a rumor that you liked me?" and kissing me on the cheek.

6. What album that has been released in the past two years should I go buy?

Okay. If I had to pick just one album, and it doesn't even matter if you like rap, it would be DAMN. by Kendrick Lamar. It is undeniable how good it is. But I am bad at picking one, so I might also recommend World Eater by Blanck Mass, Humanz by Gorillaz, or Dirty Projectors by (you guessed it) Dirty Projectors!

7. When you were a kid did you have a favourite make believe game you’d play? Or dress up you’d wear?

When I was a little girl, my cousins and I all very much liked to play with my grandfather's wife's square dancing skirts. We would just twirl around in them for hours, pretending that we were all beautiful dancers!

8. Tell me something that made you feel proper chuffed with yourself. In a nice quietly contented way.

Oh, any time I corral my team into agreement, or really even any time I get them to go *a* direction, I feel very quietly content with myself! Or! And god, this is so dumb, but any time that I put a lot of things in my queue for this blog so that it doesn't seem like I'm dead for days on end!

9. IS MISSING. Is this one of those things where I am supposed to notice? I will take this chance to tell you all that you should go read Silv's first lines meme answer, then.

10. Have you ever had a scary or very odd animal encounter?

Well... this is more about an animal encounter that I didn't have, but when I was a kid, my family stayed the night in Yosemite National Park in a canvas tent (which was surprisingly nice... or 10-year-old me had lower standards than current me, maybe). When you park, you watch this TERRIFYING video of bears just RIPPING CARS APART if they smell food in your car so you have to throw away EVERYTHING that might attract bears. And I mean everything, even gum wrappers. So you can imagine what they would do if they smelled food inside your tent, right? I slept surprisingly well that night for being terrified that I might be mauled to death in my sleep by a hungry bear, though.

11. Share a link to a fic or fan art that you love?

Oh... oh, so tough. Wildfire by abbycadabra makes me feel things everytime I read it. And I really, really love atalienart's "Spell Series"!

Answers to @devinesis's questions:

1. What’s something in this world that you just don’t understand and wish you could?

I very sincerely wish that I could understand the conservative mindset of putting businesses or profits or churches before actual human lives. I mean I wish I could understand it in the way that they must feel it, because I jokingly say that Ted Cruz is obviously the Zodiac Killer in a Lizard Person's body (*cough* he is *cough*), but I can also (begrudingly) admit that he is maybe also a human bean (even if a v bad one)... and how does he, or any person that voted for him, or any person that votes along beside him in Congress... well, how do they justify their own seeming lack of humanity? It's a mystery to me.

2. What show or movie does everyone love and tell you to watch but you just hate no matter how many times you try?

I'm probably about to lose so many followers but THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES?!?! Like I disagree with nearly all of the casting, I will never forgive them for not making Harry's eyes fucking green, and even the movies that I watched... it felt like they glossed over all of the most magical parts?

They are irredeemable trash in my opinion and even though we got some cool actors out of it, I have no interest in even trying to love them. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON SIRIUS BLACK, OKAY.

3. The first book you ever really loved? (If it’s HP, cool, but you have to say something else, too. LOL)

Oh. Anything by Francesca lia Block... I devoured her books when I was younger. I wanted so desperately to be one of those manic pixie shangri-la fairy girls that she wrote about. Or To Kill A Mockingbird because... well, Atticus.

4. If you were going to be in a relationship (platonic or sexual) for the rest of your life with a character from the Harry Potter universe, who would you choose?

Sorry, Draco, but I'm going with Hermione Granger. Helpful for studying? Check. Sometimes problematic but woke af? Check (better than most other characters in the book). Will be down to sometimes do girly things? Check. Is good at keeses because most girls are? Check. Likes to know things? Check. Is a badass? Check. Knows muggle AND magical shit? Check. Is def a ride or die, and down for adventuring without being a baby (looking at you, Ron)? CHECK.

5. Your most hated book you were ever assigned to read in school?

Tess of the D'Ubervilles. *rolls eyes* She should have just killed everyone and rolled out of there with two middle fingers up in the air instead of complaining about everything for the whole book (I realize this is not a very nuanced look at this novel, but lord, did I hate this when I had to read it in school... we also had some nightmare-level assignments related to this book, which is probably part of the reason I hated it so much).

6. If you had a personal uniform like a cartoon character, what would it be?

All black everything (which is not far off from what I usually wear now), except, like a cartoon character, everything would fit perfectly and never fade and always look cool and I would also never have to actually put on eyeliner, I would just rock the perfect cat-eye all the time.

7. Where is your “happy place”?

Any place where I can get a (good) vanilla latte or listen to music very loud and just dance around like an idiot.

8. Favorite form of exercise?

I really enjoy yoga, but I certainly don't do it often enough. I also kind of like the monotony of elliptical machines?

9. If you had a crush when you were, like, 12–14—looking back, is it embarrassing, or do you nod at your younger self in approval?

Mostly I am embarrassed but I did crush hard for a few hours on a total stranger at a battle of the bands when I was probably 14. He had long black hair and weird tall shoes and was defintely wearing eyeliner and looked like the closest thing I might ever see to Davey Havok in person and I just wanted to talk to him because he was so pretty (but also clearly much older than me). I still approve of that one, 4-hour crush on a dreamy goth stranger. Other than that, 12-14 year old me definitely had trash taste.

10. What, for you, are the most hated and most enjoyable tasks of adulthood?

Most hated? Having to ever wake up early and be somewhere on time while knowing that if I'm late I have no one to blame but myself? Most enjoyable: Being able to decide when I want to do things, if at all (within reason).

11. What small-talk question do you most hate answering from strangers at a party?

In high school it was, "where do you want to go to college" because I did not know where I wanted to go to college, or even if I wanted to go to college. In college it was "what's your major?" as if there are not a million other things you could say to a perfect stranger that would be more interesting. In grad school it was "oh, so why did you want to study this"... we all have the same answer, guys. We aren't here for the money. We're all here because we want to help. Come on. Currently, it's "oh, what do you do?" because my job is sort of difficult to explain and I always get "the look" of like "oh, that sounds like it must be really sad" and I know it's not necessarily what I should be doing, but it's what I'm doing right now, damn it. Also because we could talk about literally anything else, why does it always have to be work?

Okay... so I'm just going to do 22 questions and you can pick your favorite 11 to answer (if you decide you want to do this).

1. What are some of your favorite song lyrics and why do you love them so much? 2. If you could live in a fictional reality from a novel (or show, or whatever), where would you live? (Hard mode: you can't choose Hogwarts, or anything from the HP universe... womp womp) 3. What will you FIGHT a person about (in the internet sense of the word)(or also in the literal sense of the word)? 4. What was your first fandom and how did you find yourself there? 5. Not a question but post a picture of whatever you want. 6. What is something not enough people understand and you want to explain to me right now? 7. What is your favorite thing that you have ever studied (doesn't have to be in school, or even studied formally)? 8. You are suddenly allowed to keep one real, wild animal as a pet and it's not going to kill you or hurt you, it's just going to be sweet and awesome... what animal do you choose? 9. Least favorite activity that you have grown to bedrudingly accept as necessary (and maybe even a little fun)? 10. Give past-you a cryptic message - no context, just the message: 11. Who is your problematic fave and why do you love them so much? 12. What is the last thing that someone radically changed your mind about? How did they do it? 13. You are trapped on a desert island. There is no escape. No one is coming to save you. You are going to die. What 3 things do you bring with you so that you can die happy? 14. What 3 dumb as hell things make you stupidly, infectiously happy? 15. What do you create? 16. You've gone down the YouTube k-hole and have been binge watching nonsense for the past 2 hours. Where did you start? 17. If you could have a magical tattoo a la moving tattoos in HP fanon, that would appear when you wanted it and disappear when you didn't, what would it be of? 18. What stereotype actually pretty accurately describes you? 19. You have a kid in your possession, that does not belong to you, that you get return at the end of the day. What do you teach that child that is going to make their parents hate you? 20. What is the last fic you read that you would recommend everyone read? 21. What do you love about yourself? 22. Send a message using only emojis. Let your readers guess what it means!

Okay, tagging (only if you want to!): @deadsdemona, @sprout2012, @fleetofshippyships, @oceaxereturns, @ourloveislegendrarry, @o0o-chibaken-o0o, @fizzingwhizweezes, @goldentruth813, @phd-mama, @acciotomriddle, @synonym-for-life (and @silveredglass and @devinesis, if you guys want to answer more questions, lol!) Or if I didn’t tag you and want to do it, consider yourself tagged!

#tagging meme #memes that evolve!#a choose your own adventure at the end #silveredglass #devinesis #<-- literal rockstars

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nice--is--a--four--letter--word · 5 years

Text

Good Omens

Episode 1

You’re an angel I don’t think you can do the wrong thing - Az looks so genuinely happy at that and they’ve literally just met

A demon can get in to a lot of trouble for doing the right thing

If I did the good thing and you did the bad one. No. It wouldn’t be funny at all

I do not sully the temple of my celestial body with gross matter

Most of the great triumphs and tragedy in human history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad but people being fundamentally people

Everyone knows the best place for a clandestine meeting in London is and always has been st James’s Park. They say the ducks are so used to being fed by secret agents that they’ve developed pavolvian reactions to them. The Russian cultural attaché’s black bread is particularly sought after by the more discerning duck.

When they’re crossing the road Crowley does the thanks wave to the car that stopped

Godfathers. Well I’ll be damned

It’s not that bad when you get used to it *glowing smirk* Az’s face just drops

Az might have taught warlock sign

No one’ll notice anything. It’s reality angel

So the humans beat me to it, that’s not my fault

Crowley knows what Az smells like, Az has a new cologne that his barber suggested

Would I lie to you. You’re a demon it’s what you do

Episode 2

You can’t have a war without War

What he does is put the fear of god in to them. More accurately the fear of Crowley.

Crowley’s very bendy, all long and thin and sauntering

Hey this is Anthony Crowley, you know what to do, do it with style

He stands by the phone letting it go to voicemail and picks up when he hear it’s Az

What do you mean it feels loved

I like spooky, big spooky fan me

Guns in the right hands give weight to a moral argument

Az says hell at they real guns

You know Crowley I’ve always said deep down you really are a nice

Shut it. I’m a demon I’m not nice. I’m never nice nice is a four letter word I will not have -

Excuse me gentlemen, sorry to break up an intimate moment. Can I help you

Excuse me ma’am we’re just two supernatural entities looking for the notorious son of Satan. Wonder if you might help us with out enquiries

You’ll wake having had a lovely dream about whatever you like best

Angels aren’t occult we’re ethereal

Az can feel that the areas different, Crowley can’t, Love

Get in angel

They both have a human network, they’re just shadwell

Bebop - The velvet underground, if you lined up everyone in the world and asked them to describe it not one of them would say

Episode 3

Eden - Aziraphale, angel of the eastern gate

3004 bc Mesopotamia

Crowley looks more shocked about the flood than Az, he trying to justify it

Not the kids, you can’t kill the kids. Mmhmm. That’s more like something my side would do

Are you going to say ineffable

That unicorns going to make a run for it. Oh you’ve still got one of them

Rainbow invented

33 ad Golgotha

Crawly -> Crowley

Bit too squirming at your feet ish

Crowley gave Jesus a tour of the world and looks sympathetic at the nails

8 years later Rome

What kind of questions that still a demon what else am I going to be an aardvark

Crowley has little sunglasses

Crowley’s working, Az is trying a new restaurant - Crowley’s never eaten an oyster, Az looks shocked

Oh well let me tempt you oh I guess that’s your job isn’t it

Wessex 537

Knights, Az is part of the round table, Crowley is the black knight spreading forment of discord, Az is formenting peace and they’re working in damp places cancelling each other out

Crowley says they should just pretend they’ve done it and stay home, Az is against it

Globe theatre 1601

Az likes grapes

No one wants to see hamlet

Shakespeare wants the audience to interact and make the actors feel appreciated

Oh he’s not my friend we don’t know each other we’ve never met before

Shakespeare nicks a line from Crowley

No rest for the well good

They’re both going to Edinburgh to do little things so they toss for it so only one has to go - They’ve done it dozens of times before - the arrangement in a little sing song voice - Az doesn’t want to talk about it

It’s take a miracle to make anyone come and see Hamlet. Yes alright I’ll do that one my treat

1793 Paris

Az really doesn’t speak french

Az was supposed to be openingbg the bookshop and he did but he was peckish and came to France to get crepes looking like that

Az was reprimanded for too many frivolous miracles so he figured he’d just stay there and let himself get discorperated the idiot

My lot do not send rude notes

1862 St James Park

Sauntered vaguely downwards

Stay out of each other’s way, lend a hand when needed

Asking for holy water - for if it all goes pear shaped, I like pears - walls have ears no trees have ears ducks have ears do ducks have ears must do that’s how they hear other ducks

Az thinks the holy water would be a suicide pill

Fraternising - Crowley is betrayed

I don’t need you. And the feeling is mutual obviously.

1941 London

Az was trying to double cross the nazis and got triple crossed back - Crowley knows, someone knows how, and steps on consecrated ground to come save him

You can’t kill me. There’ll be paperwork

You don’t like it ? No I didn’t say that, I’ll get used to it. What does the j stand for. Nothing it’s just a j

You won’t enjoy dying. Definitely won’t enjoy what comes after

You’re wasting your valuable running away them - Kill them, they are very irritating

Probably where Crowley gets he idea for nicking holy water from a church

That was very kind of you. Oh shut up. No paperwork for a start

1967 Soho London

Shadwell was in prison and got taught lock breaking

Crowley’s definitely got contacts - Az ‘hears things’

You told me what you think. A hundred and five years ago.

I can’t have you risking your life. Even for something dangerous

“The holiest”

Should I say thank you. Better not.

Az is so trying to push him

Maybe one day we could go for a picnic, dine at the ritz

You go to fast for me Crowley - double meaning

Crowley really fits the time.

Dog tried to scare a cat with the red eyes and the cat went for him

This is going to sound so stupid but I lost my book and it all just got a bit much

School is a repressive tool of the state

When Az is up trying to report the missing Antichrist he pretty much throws Crowley under the bus, he ends up not telling them who he is but they don’t care and just want the war to happen

Az doesn’t remember which of their rendezvous points are which code

Az is an awful liar

Great postulant mangled bullocks to the great plan

Unforgivable that’s what I am

I’m not personally up for killing kids. You’re the demon I’m the nice one. Crowley’s trying to convince Az to kill the boy

Crowley wants to go off together - Az looks kinda hopeful but he shuts him down

Friends we’re not friends. We have nothing whatsoever in common I don’t even like you

We’re on our side. There is no our side not anymore it’s over

Crowley is way more in love than Az

Az’s voice is breaking but Crowley’s the one that’s hurt

Episode 4

Az is talking like twice as many steps as Gabriel with the jogging

Az has to catch his breath after ‘jogging’ for a couple of hundred meters

But there doesn’t have to be a war

Of course there does how else would we win it

Tie up stuff down here, report back to active service and ... lose the gut. Come on you’re a lean mean fighting machine, what are you

.... I’m ... soft

Now don’t think of it as dying. Think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush

Fight outside bookshop with gay guy at end - it’s all Az’s fault. Crowley loves him

Episode 5

Somebody’s killed my best friend. Bastards

I shouldn’t litter should I - No ones keeping score anymore

Pathetic excuse for an angel

There are celestial wages

“It’s on fire or something”

Right now that’s somebody else’s problem

Dog is just as scared as the kids

Episode 6

Ninety years and not a scratch now look at you

I am having a moment here - Crowley’s mourning the Bentley -You were a good car - I need to get over the car thing

We are here to lick some serious butt. Kick Aziraphale it’s kick butt for heavens sake eugh I can’t believe I just said that

Negative, like black holes. I don’t think they’re exactly human

They’re saying it’s the end of the world. Yes I can hear that

He is not what he says he is

I believe in peace bitch

I believe in food and a healthy lunch. Famine puts up the biggest fight

Tougher. Smarter. More dangerous

Book girl - like who

Crowley the traitor. That’s not a nice word. All the other words I have for you are worse

Dads don’t wait till you’re eleven to say hello

You don’t have a side anymore. Neither of us do. We’re on our own side now

Even if he didn’t know why I was in trouble I would

Dick Turpin was a famous highwayman. Everywhere it goes it holds up traffic Oh I regret asking

The holiest yes

It’s not that we don’t trust you Michael but obviously we don’t trust you

How many nipples you got ?

Don’t talk to me about the greater good sunshine I’m the archangel fucking Gabriel

Shut your stupid mouth and die already

I don’t suppose that anywhere in the nine circles of hell there’s any such thing as a rubber duck

There never was an apple in Adams opinion that wasn’t worth the trouble you got in to for eating it

They’re all domestic and happy

Heaven and hell against... humanity

Right, time to leave the garden

I like to think that none of this wouldn’t have worked out if you weren’t at heart just a little bit of a good person

And if you weren’t deep down just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing

There were angels dining at the Ritz

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