#making this post cause i keep seeing masc this femme this posts and im like. damn we used to be a real country

[boingopilled69]

i think a big reason why i hate the term masc as a “replacement” of butch is cause it’s like. damn you strayed up neutered the term butch. by god you took his BALLS. for the comfort of the public of all things. literally disgusting

#butch #not referring to the term trans masc btw🫶 #i feel that should be obvious #making this post cause i keep seeing masc this femme this posts and im like. damn we used to be a real country #like you’re spelling femme the way it’s historically spelt when referring to butch femme dynamics but you’re using masc✨ instead of butch #i tried to explain this to my roommate once cause she brought up that sassy masc shit that was going around tiktok and i was like eugh no #and she did not understand #we are very very different flavors of dyke is what i think she doesn’t get #anyway

[futchmemes]

long vent post sorry

idk if this is relatable or something that’s common or whatever but like. i feel like i have a really fraught relationship with femininity because of my history with it over my life and it’s making it very difficult for me to parse what i actually like. like when i was a little kid i loved feminine things, then when i got older i started having that “I’m not like other girls cause I read books” phase so i rejected a lot of the more overtly feminine things like pink and sparkles and spending a lot of time on hair and makeup etc. but i was still like, debilitating self conscious of the fact that i wasn’t Pretty Enough. like for a long time i didn’t even try to perform femininity well because i was convinced that i just inherently wouldn’t be able to pull it off and that i would look ridiculous if i tried. but then when i started to realize i was into girls and i was about to go to college i started leaning the complete opposite way because i think i was 1) trying to make an ~attractive~ first impression at college and 2) overcompensating for not being straight because i didn’t want to be One Of Those Gross Lesbians. then over the course of college as i got comfortable with being a lesbian i started moving away from fem presentation again because i was experimenting with gender nonconformity, both because i wanted to look visibly gay and because i wanted to see who i was if i totally abandoned performance of femininity and got comfortable with that. and i got a lot of pushback from my mom doing that!! she hated it when i cut all my hair off and stopped shaving. and it took a lot of resolve to keep at it even though i knew it would be commented on. and yet now that ive done that experimenting and figured out what parts of femininity were actually uncomfortable for me, like shaving and wearing makeup every day for example, ive come out the other side and started to realize that there are parts of feminine presentation that i actually do like and want to start incorporating back into my life. but now there’s a part of me that feels like, guilty about that? like i worked so hard to get comfortable with not performing femininity and to assert that with my family, and it felt really freeing, but now im realizing i just don’t really feel like im presenting my authentic self if i dress masc and i don’t feel particularly confident dressing that way now that the novelty of it has worn off. but now i don’t want to give people the satisfaction of being right that it was a phase! like i know real human peoples lives aren’t stereotypes and we all just have to try to live in the most authentic way we can but it feels like everyone is just going to be like “ah you see. she just went through a tomboy phase in college but now she’s being a Woman again. i knew she would come around and stop being childish.” and then it ties into the realization that i think im more attracted to butch/gnc women, not just because i can tell right away that they’re gay but because i genuinely just find them more attractive, and part of me is apparently very entrenched in some idea that if i start dressing more fem and dating butch women then im somehow less of a lesbian. which makes no sense!!!!! it makes no sense but i still feel it!!! like someone will come take away my Gay Card if i decide to start wearing dresses again!!! even though i follow plenty of femme lesbians who are extremely feminine and i don’t think of them as less gay!!! what kind of fucked up brain worms!!!

#personal #long post / #sorry this is so fuckin long lmaoooo