#m bj killed a bunch of kids and would've had no problem killing more if s qq hadn't intervened

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#cw i'm being mean about a stranger's fanfiction because i've been reading it for weeks or months now #and it's consuming me but i need to finish it at this point #ok one of the problems w this fic is really just. how much the author fucking hates y qy #what'd this dude ever do to you #his death was so much more brutal than was really called for #and yet!!! not nearly detailed enough #cut off his arm without any fanfare #ripped out his whole stomach within a sequence of 'and then's #unnecessary AND uninteresting #like the author was already grossed out or something and didn't want to touch it further #also maybe im desensitized to fictional Bad Things Happening #or maybe this fic is just so fucking long some of it's faded into the bg of my mind #but i don't really think his Crimes warranted all that #cut off his cultivation and let him rot or whatever. eye for an eye and force a truth serum down his throat in front of an audience #idk i just think setting up a whole arena and cutting off his limbs was a little excessive #telling him his beloved friend & the person he promised to protect has been dead under his nose for like 10 years or whatever is also #A Bit Much #like yeah he did a lot of fucked up stuff #but it's only getting punished so hard because the fucked up suff was done to the protagonist #m bj killed a bunch of kids and would've had no problem killing more if s qq hadn't intervened #well. teens and young adults but still #but that's not worthy of punishment i guess because we like m bj? #'it was for revenge' oh that's fine then #& anyway on top of all that. it just felt like the author was setting him up to Do Bad just for the ability to punish him later #if that makes sense #like not to move the plot forward or anything. or for character depth. #just to make sure we know y qy sucks and he has it coming to him #so tldr my notes are: 1) make it make sense; 2) lean into the violence a little more damn #also i know it's a fic someone worked hard on and posted for free and it's silly to criticize it like this #but god i'm almost 300k words in im invested and it's for the worst