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#looking at those rabbits that wwx had offered in friendship and knowing he had pushed wwx away
oseike
·
1 year
Text
Re-reading mdzs finally because I have enough brain space to focus on words and I reached the part where wwx finds out about the rabbits in Gusu and hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh //clutches my chest
#mdzs
#god it's played off as a funny thing for wwx and it truly does amuse him
#but as a person reading it the second time you come to realize what those rabbits probably meant to lwj
#another trace of wwx that lwj gently cultivated and cared for because he couldn't let his memory die
#and it was so personal to lwj specifically
#it wasn't as if rabbits were anything but a passing joke to wwx
#he'd found them trying to hunt pheasants and never brought them up again
#but to lwj they were one of a precious few memories lwj was able to think back on fondly
#an actual gift from wwx even if wwx did it in jest and with little thought
#a moment where wwx said he wanted friendship
#and lwj rebuffed him and bodily threw him out of the room
#how much did that act haunt him later?
#looking at those rabbits that wwx had offered in friendship and knowing he had pushed wwx away
#and asking himself what might have gone differently if he had accepted wwx as a friend instead
#wondering if instead of pushing him away so much he had chosen a friendship if that could have altered those moments in the future
#where wwx didn't trust him
#and pushed lwj away
#even though wwx was deeply pained and losing himself
#even though wwx needed help so desperately and lwj was willing to do anything to give it to him
#yet wwx rejected him
#and it all led to lwj leaving him
#and then wwx going back to yiling alone
#if instead he had agreed to go to gusu and be treated by lwj could lwj have saved him?
#and it all circles back to this moment so long ago with a pair of rabbits and an offer of friendship
#is it torture for lwj to see them and constantly remind himself of that moment
#perhaps it is another way of him doing penance
#and strengthening his own resolve to never push wwx away again should they ever be able to meet
#and if they don't get to meet
#then at least lwj will be made to remember and relive that memory
#when wwx was vibrant and alive and not tainted by the twisted resentment of the undead or by the events that came later
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