#literally 90 seconds on twitter and i got some bullshit

[killbaned]

PHARMACISTS ARE LITERALLY DOCTORS YOU STUPID FUCKS

#literally 90 seconds on twitter and i got some bullshit #pharmacists are doctors of pharmacology. their job is not to prescribe you medication their job is to make sure the person that prescribed #you medication didn't fuck up and isn't about to FUCKING KILL YOU.

[sibyl-of-space]

havent angsty long-posted on here in a while lol it’s like i am in 3rd year of college all over again

Well, no thanks to fast and reliable testing, I am at least fairly sure I actually do have Covid. I still haven’t gotten my test results and it’s been a week, but I have a headache typing this because I over exerted myself by performing the highly taxing tasks of... taking a shower, cooking something, and sitting upright instead of lying in bed (as I have been largely doing for the last 2 weeks). So at the very least I’ve been able to communicate with my workplace and am now at an understanding that I should just take this week off too because if sitting upright for extended periods of time makes it hard to breathe, that is perhaps, slightly concerning.

So instead my anxieties now are about the fact that literally contracting Covid was actually in the long run beneficial for my mental health because I’ve been able to just... rest, and play some video games, and rest some more, and sleep, and edit photos, and watch other people play video games. I’ve gotten to just. Relax. I haven’t had the chance to relax since before the pandemic started, because I work at a nonprofit that helps homeless people and that shit doesn’t stop being necessary in a crisis. And it’s compounded by the fact that I work in IT and we had to basically throw together enough band-aid and duct tape solutions to get everyone set up to work remotely, which was hard as fuck to do, and now we are still going in part of the week to help serve meals shifts because we don’t have any volunteers.

(That is like 90% definitely how I contracted it, a few weeks ago I worked a meals shift with someone who was not-so-subtly coughing into his mask next to me and it was not the phlegm-y cough but the ‘ah i am just clearing the old airways’ cough. Why are you working a meals shift to serve the homeless if you have symptoms OH MY GOD. Anyway.)

My workplace is not organized in the best of times, which made it interesting but lively and was largely endearing even if it was somewhat frustrating. But now, it is just driving me up the wall. I have felt at the end of my rope mentally for about 2 straight months with no end in sight. And now the more literature that comes out indicates it could be YEARS before the USA is able to approach anything resembling normal because of this, and I do not think I am mentally capable of handling this kind of environment for that long.

My team is GREAT. I love them. This organization put out the only legitimate IT starting position that did not require 3-5 years of previous experience, paid me MORE than a fair starting wage, and is just all around great at treating me like a person and I’ve learned so much from them. I am so thankful. But the organization as a whole is managed like, well, basically a shit show that makes me honestly miss the well-oiled shitty corporate bureaucracy that was my first job out of college. I’ve been considering applying elsewhere for ages now, but... well first of all I feel like I need to at least have worked a full year here before moving on (it’s been about 7 months presently) for it to count for anything, and also, well it has been very nice actually being treated like a person in a 9-to-5:30 office position and I don’t know how much I’ll be seeing that if I sell out and work for some tech startup or whatever the hell.

Up until now I have had a sort of... promise I’ve kept to myself, where if I am not fulfilled and start to actively dislike and resent my job when I wake up for it in the morning, that I will move on from that job. I have held on to that. My first job out of college was an excellent source of stability for me as a recent college grad, but when it reached a point it was stressing me more than it was supporting me, I moved on. I then worked minimum wage (note: minimum wage was $15/hr at this point so my income was only actually decreasing by $4/hour because administrative assistants do not get paid what they are worth. Now bay area cost of living is fucking stupid, but minimum wage in this circumstance was actually livable for me with the bonus of having my parents’ health insurance.) at a fabric store - I stayed there for 2 years, longer than I’ve ever held a position, and while partly I left because I had more or less finished learning what I had hoped to learn from my coworkers, the store was transforming away from that kind of community DIY vibe it started out as and turned into a kind of etsy wine mom vibe that didn’t click with me as much anymore, and also I was turning 26 and would lose my health insurance through my parents.

So I took the next several months taking my first real break from constant responsibilities/employment since pretty much ever, focused on speedrunning Tales of Symphonia and eventually started studying for a baseline IT certification so I could try and get a job that was more appealing to me than administrative bullshit, which I hated so much. My closest friends I made in my first corporate job out of college were people in QA and IT, so I decided to try and make that a reality. I studied my ass off for a couple solid months, took both tests for the A+ certification, passed, and started applying to jobs. And now here we are.

My frustration stems from the fact that I want to continue working with the people who took a chance on me when I was very green and had no experience, just 2 tests under my belt and a willingness to learn. I really do want to continue learning and growing here. But the environment, through no fault of anyone’s, has been just grating on me. I honestly believe that if I quit they would all completely understand, but I don’t WANT to - I want to stick it out, partly out of pride (this organization has such high turnover, I have already outlasted over half of the new users I’ve onboarded.....), partly to repay the team that has invested in me and treated me like a human being, and partly because I know more experience is necessary if I want to land another job anywhere else.

But boy, am I drained. I was literally hoping I had Covid because it meant I could get 2 weeks off work. And here I am, finally got Covid, am taking 2 weeks off work, and yet I still feel bad about it because a damn test hasn’t come back making me feel validated about it and I’ve still partially convinced myself I’m being a drama queen.

And this break from work is just making me dread the prospect of YEARS of this kind of uncertainty. It’s been so nice just kind of being able to do things at my pace, but it took me actually contracting The Plague to actually get this kind of relief.

Anyway, a few bright sides... first, my tortoise is adorable and doing great, so there is that. (Just looked over and saw her doing something cute. I love her.) Second, I will continue to rest this full week, and next week there is a good chance I will feel more empowered to tackle a workday with the perspective of fresh challenges as opposed to just some monotonous daily grind, after having this time off. Third, if I continue to feel nothing but dread and frustration regarding work, I think I should stick to that promise to myself and give a deadline to when it’s time to start looking elsewhere and move on, because no organization is worth my mental well-being. And lastly, I’ve re-visited OoT for the first time in a really long time (handhelds are about all I can do at the moment), and that was really special.

I’m still fucking pissed that there is pretty much no chance I’ll be able to go to France this Christmas with my roommate and girlfriend. I was so excited to have a paycheck where I could afford to do something not just for myself but for the people closest to me, I routed our flights so we had layovers that would let us connect on the main flight together and paid extra so we could sit together, I was SO excited about this because I spent almost EVERY Christmas in France as a kid because of my family and I miss it SO MUCH, I was so so so excited to share these intimate memories with people I really care about, but the USA is a fucking dumpster fire shit show so who knows when I’ll be able to actually do that now. I haven’t cancelled the flights yet but I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m going to have to do so. Hopefully I can get a refund and we will just have to go next Christmas, but I’m still really fucking upset.

Not even going to comment on how much of a shit show the USA is in general. I feel completely helpless. Another 4 years of Trump is literally a catastrophe we can NOT permit but the current DNC platform looks like it is going to fix about, oh, FUCK ALL, so at this point it feels like there is no hope unless we literally start busting out the guillotines. Every time I see an Elon Musk fanboy on Twitter some of my remaining faith in humanity crumbles. Then I think about how people have been protesting EVERY SINGLE DAY for the right of Black people to LIVE and NOTHING is being done about it. It’s both exhausting and terrifying.

In conclusion, I would like to stop living through a major historical event, please and thank you.

#this is very stream of consciousness #personal

[larriefails]

This new BPH2 post, she really can’t let go of 1D or the past, can she?

The amount of drivel...

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Harry was portrayed as a lothario BEFORE July 2011? By whom? Doing what? He didn’t date anyone until C*roline (sorry, I make one exception for censoring names and that’s for child groomers) in like, November 2011, there were jokes about him liking Madison, the girl from WMYB but that wouldn’t be until August anyway. Articles about various 1D members dating or hooking up with fans were run of the mill, but that was for all of them. Cher Lloyd got linked to literally every member except Louis, and that’s because he had a girlfriend. Harry was seen as flirty and fans joked around about his unfortunate pussygate moment, but clearly, he brought that on himself, and it was after X Factor anyway

The only possible “Harry is a lothario” push she could be talking about is that jokey video where Harry is seen as having overlapping dates with all the girls at boot camp, but it’s obviously tongue in cheek, it finishes with Harry going on a date with Wagner, a 50 something year old Portuguese (?) man. And this was BEFORE the band was put together. Why would Liam, or anyone, have to be seen as a lothario anyway? Confused

Louis and Hannah’s relationship wasn’t “spotlighted” they were just dating... so she was there... and they talked about it on the show I think once, maybe twice. None of the other boys had significant others at the beginning. When Zayn started dating one of the girls from Belle Amie (a girl group that was competing there as well), it was actually spotlighted, same when he dated Rebecca Ferguson

She says “switching 1Direction to One Direction” to seem knowledgeable, it’s hilarious. One Direction’s twitter account was created on October 29th 2010 and it was already stylized “OneDirection,” this is just a “the more you know” bullet point she learned that she decided to throw in there to get more credibility. Anyone that’s been a fan for long already knew this, it was stated as a fact in one of their books, but don’t ask me which one now cuz it’s been 7 years. Anyways, what an important marketing decision, Kati, it surely affected a lot of the outcome of the band that would be known as “1D” by 90% of its fanbase anyway

“But there was no larger strategy until July 2011″

NO SHIT SHERLOCK. U wanna know why? Because they didn’t have music out until August... you really are some fresh brand of stupid, huh. Who would waste money in marketing campaigns months and months before having any music to sell? All of them were heavily involved in social media anyway, and with strategic performances here and there, some interviews, a very well received book, signing days, and several other nuggets, they managed to build a stronger fanbase and a lot of anticipation by the time they released WMYB. There was definitely marketing, but, no, of course there wasn’t an overarching marketing campaign for a band with no music for six months.. Just like there isn’t, idk, a hot air balloon business for cheetahs..

And that’s how she starts.. everything after that is drivel and more and more drivel. Very little of it makes any sort of sense or is backed up by any facts other than her wanting things to be that way

Such as this entire paragraph which has me in fucking stitches

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Listen, I’m sure more older people became fans as the band became more popular, and I’m sure there are some men sprinkled in between, but PROFOUND DEMOGRAPHIC SHIFT? Except Harry and Zayn, who have cultivated an older skewing demographic, the core fan base is STILL 13-18 year old girls. And even Harry and Zayn have large percentages of their fan base in that age group still. She really thinks the tumblr side of fandom is in any way indicative of the larger fandom, it’s fascinating to read someone that’s supposed to be old and wise, who’s a mother and a wife, be so blatantly wrong and so delusional. Not even in the tumblr side of fandom now are the fans mostly older with established careers. That’s just the big Larries, and big Larries are what? 1 in 2,000 One Direction blogs? (and I doubt at least 50% of their “well established careers” are real, but I’m not into doxxing people so I’ll take their word for it)

I almost lost my mind when she called tumblr tinhat wank “objective debate and evidence-based discussion.” OBJECTIVE! O B J E C T I V E? bulletprooflarry, the person that left tumblr for a month when Harry announced his solo career because she had been saying for ages he’d never go solo and couldn’t handle being so OBJECTIVELY wrong, is talking about OBJECTIVE DISCUSSION???? Kati you wouldn’t know what actual objective discussion is if it slapped you repeatedly with something smelly while yelling “I am objective discussion” as a plane writes in the sky “objective discussion is slapping you in the face” and some sirens wailed in the distance

Not even gonna go there with “evidence-based” .. I’m sure ur tag “all the reasons ever needed” filled with cropped and edited gifs of 17 yo Harry and 19 yo Louis looking at each other for 0.03 seconds in slow mo would hold in court very well

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H I L A R I O U S. Never seen before! Novel!!!! Only happening because of “this new smarter fandom with professional experience”! No other tinhat fandom doubts the protagonists of their conspiracy theory handle their social media! That’s just the new smarter fandom filled with professional men and women in 1D. Crisscolfer, Kaylor, Supernatural, Camren, you name it. Any CT mined fandom where social media is used, believes the exact same bullshit, Kati. U R NOT SPECIAL. You’re not smarter. The Larrie fandom didn’t “wise up” it tinhatted up. If you left your conspiracy bubble for three seconds and waltzed into literally any other corner of the entertainment world, you’d see that

After this, she drivels on and on about “pics or it didn’t happen” and shit like that. None of it is special to this fandom, Kati. None of it. What you’re describing is tinhatting. It has nothing to do with “this new smarter fandom.” Unless of course you believe in every other celeb conspiracy theory out there and how all the CT fandoms have also, coincidentally, become “smarter”

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This is equal parts self centered, arrogant, delusional, and wrong. 1D’s team did a ton of things to get new fans and it succeeded largely at it. 1D was one of the largest bands in terms of fanbase in the world. It got away with selling millions upon millions of records and selling out stadiums without getting huge songs. To this day a vast majority of the general public only knows 2 or 3 One Direction songs (WMYB, SOML, some will know Drag Me Down). I think it was too big for the teams it had, for sure, but that’s just logic speaking for itself. What other clients the caliber of 1D did Simon Jones, Modest, or Syco have? The only big fish in the game was Columbia. And at times it definitely showed in a lot of things. But to say that they were playing catch up for five years and had no plan whatsoever, is simply disingenuous. And so self aggrandizing.. Recognizing that they had their failures? Cool. Sitting oatur computer at home and pretending that u kknow better how to handle it? Demented

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You know when you read something that’s so wrong that you don’t even know where to start? Yeah..

You were lied about the band getting back together. One by one they have admitted to it, even if not in so many words. First Zayn said he didn’t even like being in 1D ever. Then Harry refused to ever confirm the band would get back together. You had Niall, Liam, and Louis preaching 18 months/2 years, but that soon changed. Niall got tired of being asked a few months into his promo in 2017, said “idk, man, idk! someday!” and asked not to be asked again. Liam lasted a little longer, but he literally said “ask the others, idk, man, idk!” a few months back. The only one standing is Louis, and I firmly believe it’s simply because he hasn’t done as much promo as Niall and Liam, who must’ve reached the point of exhaustion. His defeated “idk, man, idk” is happenning soon. I can feel it in my bones

There’s no leadership in 1DHQ because there is no 1DHQ because there is no 1D. The band is broken up. Gone. Donezo. There’s no one to steer one topic to the next

It’s not the “lack of leadership” which lead the fans to create “microfandoms.” It’s the fact that every member has gone solo..... that created microfandoms. You’re over 40, Kati, please, for the love of God, stop hanging onto a boyband that’s been dead for four years. This is so pathetic to read. Fans less than half your age cried about their lost band for a few days and got over it. You’re still throwing hissy fits on tumblr and talking about it as if it wasn’t deceased

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Just... no

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Louis DOES NOT have the most hardcore fans inside of 1D. He has the most LARRIES. His fanbase is almost entirely conformed by conspiracy theorists, that’s why it seems so hardcore to you. This is not a positive. As a fan of Louis, I can assure you it is not. This doesn’t translate well into literally anything. Y’all are a nuisance and ruin everything. You’re not fans of Louis, you don’t even LIKE HIM. You despise everything about him and everything he is. Everything he does. All the things that have shaped him. You call everything he says a lie and mock his desperate attempts for you to LISTEN TO HIM. That’s the exact opposite of a hardcore fanbase, you shithead. That’s as fickle as it gets, it can (and does) get lost any second. The smallest of his moves can set y’all off and wipe thousands of you from his ranks. Because none of you like even a little of who he really is. Y’all are gonna leave him sooner or later. It’s just a matter of when, not if. Hardcore my fucking ass

What has Harry done to make older white men think he’s cool? Paint his nails? Wear glitter and flowery suits? Sing about men? Proclaim at every chance he gets that he LOVES his mostly female/young audience? That he thinks they’re amazing and how much he appreciates them? What is it that appeals older white men? All the rainbows in everything he does? The only thing “older white men” might like about Harry is his music and its inspiration, that’s where it starts and where it ends, but everything he’s done and said since he’s gone solo is prone to prejudice them against him. He hasn’t lifted a finger to appeal to them. His team didn’t even push his songs on Adult/Contemporary radios (Niall’s did, but I don’t see you talking about that). Yeah, Hall Of Fame will expose him to that audience as well, but you know who else did Hall Of Fame? Miley Cyrus. Was she trying to appeal to older white men? Was that Jannelle Monae’s goal while inducing Janet Jackson? He’s co chairing the MET Gala in a couple of weeks. How’s that for a white older male audience? Being a Gucci model under Alessandro Michele must’ve helped a lot, I’m sure 🙄

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“If One Direction was going to come back” NO. Next question

[looselucy]

Eight - Tease

My phone buzzed in my hand, having clearly fallen asleep whilst attempting to brush through my twitter feed.

I groaned and turned on my side, still slightly disappointed that Harry had left the previous evening. Though it was definitely for the best, it didn’t retract from the fact I wanted as much of him as I could get before he left once again. I rolled my eyes at the memory before checking my phone, annoyed with myself for getting emotional, for doubting myself thanks to other people. I couldn’t let that happen again; I didn’t want to lose myself. Harry was right, I was more than strong enough, more than capable of standing on my own two feet. Don’t let them get to you. My phone buzzing again finally brought me back round, glancing down to the screen and furrowing my brows, the light of my phone stinging my eyes a little. I had two texts from Alex. Turner: You’re a fucking legend! The second was a link to a website. I had no idea what to expect as I clicked the link and waited for my phone to load the page, feeling more and more anxious with each passing second. As soon as the window was open, I was surprised I hadn’t figured it out earlier. The headline of a Daily Mail article read. Anna Black finally speaks publicly, only to offend a room full avid AM fans. I swore at my phone, knowing that those ‘avid AM fans’ they’d mentioned were actually mainly just folk from the media, people there to say they were there rather than having any real reason to be. They weren’t fans at all, in fact, I imagined about 90% of the people in that room had never even bothered to listen to the album. “What a load of shit.” I mumbled to myself. I scrolled down the article, shaking my head as I read about how rude I was, about fans asking to take pictures with me and me turning them down, which was all bullshit. There was a part of me was angered by what I was reading. Angered about the lies, angered at the fact that really, I had brought it on myself, for walking around with a face like a slapped arse all evening and telling the crowd to go fuck themselves. But another part of me couldn’t help but grin, thinking about how the PR man’s blood must have been boiling. That made me smile. As I reached the end of the article, I was disappointed to see that they had said that it wasn’t too surprising, that it was part of my image. I wasn’t helping myself out at all. I was practically living up to this fake persona they had developed for me. I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to let people in or not. I certainly didn’t want anyone to think I was this awful and arrogant person I was being portrayed as, but revealing myself more freely and honestly felt like subconsciously opening a door; letting people see me and nosy in on my life. Maybe it was a good thing, having such a bad reputation. Maybe keeping that door closed was actually what I wanted. I was so back and forth. A knock on my door pulled me from my battling mind. “Come in!” Rachel popped her head round the corner, clearly feeling uneasy as to whether to come in or not. I threw my head back a little, signalling for her to come inside. She gave a weak smile, walking over and sitting on the edge of my bed. “I’m sorry.” She spoke towards the floor. “So am I.” I told her. “Why are you sorry?” She looked at me confused. “Just ‘cause you acted like a royal twat, doesn’t give me the right to do the same.” She laughed appreciatively, her body relaxing right away as she went from seeming incredibly tense, to returning to her normal, bubbly self. She began to clamber over me so she was on the free side of the bed, climbing under the sheets and snuggling down. “I’m naked.” I told her once she was tucked in. “I really don’t care.” I tucked myself in with her, turning on my side to look at her, both shooting one another apologetic smiles, knowing nothing more needed to be said about it. She was my best friend, and since everything happened with the video, it sometimes felt like she was the only normal part of my life I had left. She was the only person who could really keep me sane. It was a given that we would have the occasional argument, but it really didn’t need to last. She was my rock. I needed her. I felt a moment of weakness wash over me, desperate to tell her about what was going on between me and Harry, but I quickly changed my mind, realising the fact that it was a secret from the entire world was part of the excitement, that was one of the reasons it was so exciting. We lay in bed all morning just talking, reminiscing and laughing together, it was just what I needed.

March 10th. Hair extensions tugged on my head to the point where it felt as though my neck was going to snap, and yet another skin-tight all in one clung to my skin, so tight and constricting it felt like I couldn’t breathe. Three different people prodded at my face with makeup brushes and mascara and contraptions I’d never even seen before, threatening to take out my eye at any minute, and I had to physically force myself not to flinch away from their touch. I wistfully cast my mind back to the evening of The Brits, when the incredible woman had done my makeup so well, and she had such a sense about her. I found myself wishing I had her doing my makeup once again, but instead I had one woman with bright yellow hair and two boys, both wonderfully camp and witty, the three of them collectively wearing more makeup than I had ever worn in my entire life, all muttering between one another about some ‘bitch’ called Louise and can you believe she slept with Tina’s boyfriend. I was practically half asleep. The set of the video for ‘I Wanna Be Yours’ was as simple as it could possibly get, just a plain white backdrop, and a few lights. I saw Alex from the corner of my eye, stood looking just as lifeless as me as someone altered his skin too, seemingly uninterested. Finally, my three minions moved away, not even speaking a word to me as they finished their work, walking off together, still gossiping. I looked in the mirror, unable to believe it was me looking back at myself. My hair was fucking huge, long and wavy, around 80% blonde thanks to the extensions they’d attached vigorously, only my roots a dark brown. The suit was incredible; made up of different black bands that wove together and covered parts of my body that really needed covering, revealing sections of my skin at certain points, the flesh that was on show cold thanks to the studios lack of heat. My eyes were dark, black eyeshadow shaping them and bringing out the blue, and my lips seemed to be a bright pink shade, though from what I could remember they hadn’t actually put anything on my lips. I suppose my mind had been elsewhere. They could have painted my lips with chalk and I would have been none the wiser. If I’m to be 100% honest, I felt kind of amazing. I would never usually put so much effort into my appearance, and I had never been one for dressing up too much, or wearing any substantial amount of makeup, so it was different looking in the mirror and seeing that, the big blonde hair and smouldering eyes. I quite liked it, but also liked that it was a rarity. “Okay, let’s go.” The director shouted. I made my way over to Alex, standing next to him as I was told. I was handed a cigarette once again, having to pretend I smoked for the sake of the video. Myself and Alex stood next to one another, just slightly apart, looking into the camera, unti, he turned his head and looked me up and down. “Fucking hell.” He almost giggled. “You look different.” “I feel like a seventies porn-star.” I huffed “You watch a lot of seventies porn?” “All the time. It’s my favourite.” Alex laughed heartily as I turned back to the camera, smiling to myself slightly, easing thanks to his company. He hadn’t been there for the last shoot, but I’d gotten to know him so well since, that I considered him a good friend. I was grateful for his easing presence. The video was going to be as simple as possible, black and white, Alex singing along, with me next to him, moving slowly and with any luck, seductively to the music. That was literally it. Simple, but hopefully effective. Regardless, we were still stuck there until around midnight, trying to shoot it perfectly, trying to make everything the way the director had envisioned it, the way Alex wanted it to be. It was a little foreign, having to act with Alex in a sexual way, moving up against him at certain points, having him grasp my extensions as the lyrics sang hold your hair in deep devotion, tugging on it during the following line and hips lips almost grazing my neck. It was just all so surreal, but hopefully it would make for another good video. It was just minutes before midnight when the director finally told us we were done. As soon as I could, I yanked the extensions out of my hair, feeling the release on my neck right away, back to the normality of brown hair with just a hint of blonde at the ends. “Oh thank fuck.” I exhaled. The cameramen and people working on the set began to make their way out of the building, myself and Alex thanking them as they left. “What’s your plan now?” Alex asked. “I’m stuck between the idea of going to bed or going out for a drink.” “Let’s go get a drink. I’ll buy.” “I just got paid half a million for being in this video, Alex. I’ll fucking buy. I’ve got nowt else to buy.” Just as I was about to go into the changing room to put something normal on, Alex grabbed my arm, swinging me back round to meet him, our bodies almost colliding. “Don’t get changed.” He said. “Let’s tease people.”

We walked into K, already in fits of laughter thanks to a hilarious taxi ride together, enjoying each other’s company, ready to drink the evening away. I liked Alex. It took me a while to be calm and fully myself around him, but by this stage of my life, I found his company so easy. I was totally myself, completely relaxed around him at the same time as being in awe of him. He was probably the most self-assured person I had ever met, and of course it was a little big-headed at times, he really did think a lot of himself, but then it would only take me a minute to think of the fact he was Alex fucking Turner, and I realised I kind of had to let him off. He knew full well he was a spectacle, and he just lapped it up. It was both tedious and admirable at the same time. But as vain as he was, he was entirely himself at least, which in turn made me feel like I could be myself. We pushed through the crowds towards the bar, spotting the occasional face glare his way, point towards Alex, recognising who he was, but nobody ever bothered us. As much as I couldn’t stand Kyle after what I had learnt about him, he had done a bloody good job with the bar. He was getting the exact crowd I imagined he was hoping he would, it was becoming a regular place for me, Harry had been there, now Alex, and most people there just acted totally casual, like they saw those people every day. It wasn’t the kind of place I was accustom to. We stood at the bar, waiting to be served as I pulled my phone from my bag, seeing I had a text from Rachel, who we were planning on meeting there. Rach: Are you here yet? I’m so fucking excited. Also you were right about Kyle, I’m currently working on making him jealous. You’re going to shit yourself when you see who with. I furrowed my brows, tracking across the room to try and find her, see what she was talking about. My eyes met her soon enough. Her incredibly long brown hair tied into a tight ponytail, falling beautiful from the top of her head, sleek and shiny, beautiful olive skin that looked like she had literally just moisturized, skin tight green dress, talking to Harry. I was overcome with a jealousy I had not expected, feeling disheartened as he whispered into her ear and she stuck her chest in his face. To be honest, I hated it because it was Rachel. It wasn’t just any girl, it was Rachel. I was always the tag along with Rachel, she was typically more attractive than me in every sense of the word, more open, confident, presented herself with a lot more care than I did. She was stunning. I had always been the friend who stood on the side-lines as men fell at her feet. Whilst my eyes had been drawn to the sight I didn’t care to see, Alex had bought us both a beer. He passed me mine and I grabbed it quickly, almost downing the entire bottle in one foul swoop. Liquid courage. I could see Alex figure out that something had bothered me, looking to me with confused eyes as I stood just staring at Rachel and Harry conversing with one another. “S’wrong?” He asked me. I slammed my already empty bottle onto the bar, and signalled to the bar tender I wanted another, to which he obliged. “Are we teasing people?” I turned to Alex. “It could be fun.” He shrugged. “Yeah, it will, let’s do it.” I think Alex knew there was an underlying reason for me wanting to act away with him, that it wasn’t just to tease the crowd, or get people talking. He knew there was another reason for it, but he didn’t ask, he just humoured me. I nodded my head in the direction of Rachel and Harry so he knew where we were headed. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him, the crowd parting for him, like he had this divine power over them. It blew my mind, the affect that he had on people simply through the way he was acting, the way he was holding himself, how confident he was. Alex had an aura around him, people didn’t even need to know who he was to move for him, he had a pull around him, like an invisible bubble. Such an impressive specimen. Rachel squealed as soon as she saw me, standing herself up and throwing her arms around my neck. I watched Harry’s face drop over her shoulders, as I pretended I wasn’t even aware of the fact he was there. As soon as she stopped screaming she leant into my ear. “I’m sat with Harry fucking Styles, Anna. Trying my luck.” I just smiled, not saying a word about it. I had nothing positive to say, so it wasn’t even worth opening my mouth. She pulled out and went to shake hands with Alex, who happily obliged, leaning in and planting a soft kiss on her cheek. I could see she wanted to scream again, looking up to the ceiling as though silently thanking god, but she stayed as calm as physically possible, only shaking slightly. Harry still looked up to me wide eyed, but we didn’t say anything to one another. I think it was down to both the situation we had found ourselves in, and the deal we had agreed to. It was our secret. As far as anyone else there knew, I didn’t even know Harry. Rachel drew back from Alex, who effortlessly pulled me towards him again, like an overprotective partner. I was his touch. It was fun in a way, acting like that with him. I had always enjoyed theatre studies at school, and I’d convinced myself that this whole AM Girl charade was just like a really intense version of that. Alex leaned and whispered in my ear. “Are you fucking Harry Styles?” My eyes widened a little at his accurate prediction, and I dropped my head to the floor, making sure nobody could see my reaction his words. I then proceeded to take my head and whisper back to him. “It’s supposed to be a secret.” Alex grinned, a cheeky suggestive grin. “And you want to make him jealous?” We both stood close, our lips looking as though they were going to collide together at any second as I nodded, smiling slightly. “Okay, let’s do it.” He grinned. “What’re friends for?” With that, he kissed my neck, and dragged me off towards the crowd, closer to the band onstage, trailing his hand down to my bum and resting it there. I glanced back over my shoulder as we walked off together, and I could just about make out the temples of Harry’s head puffing in and out. I brought my head back around, and chortled to myself. I knew he didn’t like it, and I thrived off that. For around twenty minutes, I danced with Alex, our hands searching each other’s bodies playfully as we swayed, less than fazed by our touching. He spoke into my ear as we moved, Harry in his gaze. “He hates this.” Alex mumbled, clearly enthralled by our antics. “Yeah?” “He’s not even talking to anyone anymore, he’s just watching you.” “He isn’t talking to Rach?” I quizzed. “Nah. He only has eyes for you, kid.” I smiled to myself, knowing my little show had paid off, that Harry wasn’t going to go home with Rachel, that I wouldn’t get home to find them naked with one another in my flat. Harry could shag whoever the fuck he wanted, but not her. “Thank you.” I brought my head round to Alex. “No worries, love. It was fun anyway.” He shrugged and grinned. “Now, you head for the door, and I guarantee he will get up and follow.” “How do you know that?” I laughed it off. “Trust me. He’ll be on his feet in seconds.” I leant inwards, giving Alex a small kiss on the cheek, no longer taking part in our parade, just giving him a thankful kiss. He gave me a friendly wink, and sent me on my way. I made sure my hips flicked from side to side as I walked away, through the crowds, wanting to make my way home, but wanting Harry to follow. I crossed my fingers for a split second before uncrossing them, wishing I cared less but desperate for him to want me. I quickly made my way up the stairs and out the door, the cold air nipping at my revealed skin. It was only then I remembered I still had the outfit on from the video shoot earlier, and I suddenly felt totally ridiculous. Every single curve of my body was on show, every damn imperfection, and I finally started feeling as uncomfortable as I probably should have done all evening. The street was basically empty thanks to the absurd location of K, and I was thankful for it. “HEY!” I heard the voice from behind me. I breathed in a sigh of happiness and relief. Alex had been spot on. I turned around to see Harry pacing up to me, looking slightly flustered and angry. I simply stood looking at him as he came to a still in front of me. “Harry! I almost didn’t recognise you without my best friend’s ear attached to your lips.” “Were you jealous?” He asked. “Were you?” I threw back at him. “I asked first.” I faltered, unable to answer him, running my tongue across my teeth. Of course I was. I didn’t want to be but I was, and I couldn’t hide it. “Harry, you can fuck whoever you want, as long as it’s not the girl I live with.” “That was the girl you live with?” He gawped. I nodded to him. We shared a moments silence, the wind and the faint music from the club being the only things surrounding us in that moment. Harry awkwardly ran his hand through his hair, seeming a little mad at himself. I was more than aware of the fact that if Harry had known that, he wouldn’t have even gone near Rachel, but I had still wanted to make him jealous. And I liked that it worked. “So you were trying to make me jealous?” He bit his lip and stepped towards me. “Did it work?” I looked up to him. “Mm… I’m ashamed to say it did.” “Jealousy is a risky feeling.” I stated. “One we both felt.” He took another step, controlling a strand of my hair that was blowing in the wind by tucking it behind my ear. I had begun to hate myself for the amount I enjoyed his touch, but the feelings his body introduced to mine couldn’t be restrained. “So… what should we do about that?” I couldn’t help but focus on his lips. “Maybe we should call this a day. Before anyone’s feelings get hurt?” “I think you’re right.” I trailed my fingers to the bottom of his shirt, taking the last button and undoing it. He grinned down to me, my favourite dark glimmer lighting his eyes. “So are you coming back to mine then?” He smirked.

My eyes fell open to an unfamiliar room. Harry’s room. I turned my head to the side, seeing him still in a deep slumber next to be, the bedsheets only partly covering his body. He was just as breath-taking in that state as he was when he was lulling me into his bed. I let my eyes explore the room, which was much bigger than my own, unsurprisingly. It was relatively plain bar one wall, which was totally covered in different band posters. The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, ACDC, Fleetwood Mac, Led Zeppelin. It was fucking covered. I must have been staring at it for a good ten minutes, totally captured by it before Harry stirred beside me. He grunted, rubbing his eyes before revealing them to me. Bright green. “Morning.” He grumbled. “Good morning.” I cooed. Harry propped himself upright, using his elbows to support his gorgeous body as he came to terms with his woken self, breathing in and out slowly. “Your posters are amazing.” I said, still gazing at them. “You like them?” “I’m especially fond of the Fleetwood Mac one. Rumours is probably my favourite album of all time.” “Really?” He brought his head round to me. “Absolutely.” He grinned, then looked back to the posters. We sat in silence just gazing at them for a while. It was strange, really, getting a little insight into Harry and the things he liked. I couldn’t even believe he had let me into his home at all. I had imagined he would want to keep it as private as possible. I suppose I had only seen the hallway and the stairs other than his bedroom, since we practically sprinted up the stairs to get to bed the night before, but it was still interesting to me that he had let me in. “Are you hungry?” He suddenly asked. “Fucking starving!” I gasped, whipping my head to him. “I don’t even know why!” “Then I have a very important question for you.” “Okay... I’m prepared.” “Are you... by any chance... a fan of cold pizza?” He grinned. “Such a big fan.” I sighed. “Thank god. I feel so much better knowing that.” We both smiled towards one another, giggling slightly. Harry then brought himself up to me on all fours, holding his face close to mine, licking over his lips as he brought his face to mine. I looked back into his eyes, trying to control the colour of my cheeks. “Can we come up with a new agreement?” He asked. “That depends. What would the new agreement be?” “Whilst I’m here, before I go back on tour, we don’t sleep with anyone else.” “Harry-” I tried. “No, just hear me out. I think-” “Harry, that’s risky as hell.” “You weren’t going to sleep with anyone anyway!” He gawked. “But I would like the option to be there.” I laughed. “Anna… I just… I really fucking hated that jealous feeling.” “So did I, but-” “Just for now. I’m leaving in a month. For now, let’s just be me and you.” Before I could give him a firm no, he took his lips and began leaving small kisses against my jaw, from just before my ear down to my chin, breathing heavily as he did so. As soon as he reached my chin I moved my head so that his lips pressed to mine. He hummed against my kiss, taking a hand and running it through my hair. As the kiss ended he pulled away, and we were both a little breathless. “One month. We’re not going to feel anything if it’s just one month.” He whispered. “And if we do?” “We… We end things at the first sign of it.” He finalized. I sighed and rolled my eyes, knowing that things could go incredibly wrong, but I hated that jealous feeling too, and he was right, I had no plans to sleep with anybody else. One month. It couldn’t hurt to be that way for one month. “Okay.” Harry moved in and bit my lip, making sure I was heated and bothered before he pulled away, a cheeky grin on his face. “Cold pizza?” He smiled.

#LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #AMG8 #1dff

[theliterateape]

I Can't Drive 55 | Lessons Learned in the 55th Year

By Don Hall

In my thirty-second year I felt incredibly sorry for myself. I was getting my first divorce, was living in a one-room studio in Uptown, my theater company was imploding over ego-driven bullshit. I drank myself into a state of suicidal yearning. It was a rough year. 

I called my mom. Mom is that voice of reason in good and bad times.

"This has been a really shitty year. Maybe I should move back to Kansas."

"How old are you?"

"Thirty-two."

"And in thirty-two years you've lived on the planet, how many of those years were bad?"

I thought about it for a moment. "Really bad? Two. No three. Three years. Why?"

"Well, three out of thirty-two is a pretty solid track record. Seems to me that you weathered those other bad years and had good years to spare. Maybe you decide to quit wallowing in how bad this year has been and get to work on next year because based on your experience you probably have another cluster of good years in store."

Some have the Dali Lama. Others have a priest or a shelf of self-help books. I have my mom.

My fifty-fifth year (or the specter of 2020) was a rough year for so many people in the world it's almost a joke. The whole year has been covered in shit—from the campaign to unseat the least capable and most destructive president in my lifetime to three months in a pandemic shutting down the planet and economic hardship most of us have only read about in Steinbeck novels—2020 looks like the toilet bowl moments after a morning constitutional from a night of White Castle and rum.

Sure, the act of comparing one's life with those around is a narcissistic self-loathing experiment best suited for recently jilted lesbians and Instagram junkies, but while the entire world has been burning down in both literal and figurative ways, fifty-five has been a damn good year for me.

In January, I was well into my year and a half managing a casino on the corner of I-15 and Tropicana. I had done my due diligence in training and had hit the sweet spot of knowing enough about the business to be an effective leader on the floor. I knew my high rollers and had figured out the best approach to dealing with the meth-addicts and prostitutes. I could fix 90 percent of the machines and could process a jackpot inside of four minutes consistently.

Then came the pandemic and the economic shutdown of Las Vegas in March. Most were laid off and in free fall but I had stumbled into working for one of two gambling corporations in Nevada that committed to keeping the payroll rolling despite losing millions per day.

The three months of closure saw me coming in to work every day, cleaning the bar and the machines, and hanging out to make sure no one ransacked the place while it was closed. I did a lot of writing in my office during that time. 

In terms of personal tragedy, my nineteen year old nephew overdosed in a parking lot in April and, virus be damned, Dana and I flew out the next day to help my sister.

We re-opened the casino in June. 

Seven months of balancing life in a pandemic with idiots motivated to gamble, arguing with people about the necessity to wear masks, and submitting essays to everyone. Getting paid to write (even in small increments) was a genuine drug.

Over the summer both Dana and I were asked to write for an anthology of essays. Las Vegas writers writing about Las Vegas. It was a boost, man. Don't get me wrong, the casino gig was solid and, for the most part, enjoyable. Getting paid to write words and sentences was fucking delicious.

The book came out in October launched with a Zoomesque gathering.

The casino gig, while solid and simple, was becoming dull. Rote. Combining the fact that my best (and meager) talents were not usable during a pandemic in a struggling casino, I told my General Manager that I needed more money for such routine grind and that I’d start looking aggressively for something more in tune with my skills that also paid a bit more on my year-and-a-half mark.

Six days after I started the search, I was hired by a Denver-based firm as a Senior Copywriter.

Turns out I’m pretty good at it. Getting a salary for writing words and sentences is sweet and working from home as the pandemic continues to rage on is smart and comfortable. No longer a slave to the swings shift, my schedule is my own.

I can, for the first time in my life when asked what I do for a living, answer “I am a writer.” In a career path marked by ten year gigs followed by "gotta pay the bills" gigs, it looks like Casino Manager is the latter and "Writer" is the former. Now it’s time to write some books, yeah?

It’s been a year, my friends.

Here are the lessons that landed in my 55th annum.

Always Leave ‘Em Wanting More

Over the course of my bizarre career as a “Writer. Teacher. Storyteller. Consultant.” to refer to my donhall.vegas website, I’ve had a tendency to overstay my welcome.

Instead of leaving circumstances on good terms, by the time I was ready to go, I was all Fuck these people! What a bunch of dickseeds! and at least a few of the people were Fuck him! What a dickseed!

I stayed one year longer than I should have as a public school teacher. I stayed at least a year too long in my second marriage and, despite some incredible shows toward the end of the WNEP Theater years, I stayed too long with that company. I should’ve left WBEZ at least a year earlier and I waited until things got weird in the storytelling scene before leaving Chicago.

With the casino, I left long before things become too rote or sour. I found the new gig, jumped on it, and was told if it didn’t work out, I always had a place to land. That I was a part of the Station Casinos “family.” My staff bought me booze and when I swung by just to see them, they are happy to be seen.

Hell, the GM even gave me one of the chairs from the Craps Table for my home office!

As I get older, recognizing the signs that perhaps it’s time to go is an essential skill. At fifty-five, maybe I’m finally into that.

Family is Always More Important Than Work

Last year, working the first 24/7/365 job in my life, I was told I had to work on Christmas. It was the first Christmas in decades I hadn’t spent with my family in Kansas. It wasn’t bad—Joe flew in from Chicago, he took Dana and I to see Penn Gillette at Rio, Kelli joined Dana and Joe on the casino floor while I worked.

This year, especially after the death of my nephew, it became obvious that family had to come first. Months before I landed the writing gig, I let my GM know I was taking the week of Christmas off, COVID be damned. I was clear that if the company couldn’t pay me for the time off I understood and if I was to be let go because of it, then that was fine, too.

The casino was incredibly cool about the request that wasn’t really a request. In fact, even though I gave my two week’s notice before the Christmas vacation pay would kick in, my GM allowed me to be paid for it anyway (see that first lesson again).

It was in every possible way the correct call. My sister needed me. I needed my mom and dad. We got to reconnect with a cousin I hadn’t seen in years. Turns out she’s a professional copywriter in Austin, TX. It was a soul-filling holiday and I’ll never miss Christmas in Kansas again.

It’s Pointless to Argue with Zealots

Maybe it’s in part due to my new-found desert surroundings or my distance from the increasingly Woke Chicago Arts scene but this last year of Trump and the ridiculous nature of angrier social media has pushed me closer to Left Center than Full-On Progressive.

As a younger man I decided that religion was simply not for me. Too emotionally charged without a sense of rationality. At the distance Nevada gives me I can see how irrational both the Extreme Right—the overtly white nationalist taint with the individualism bordering on sociopathy—and the Progressive Left—the quasi-religious circular logic of white privilege, erasure of women as a category, and focus on tribalism over all—have become. Or maybe they were always this way and it took some time away from a major urban center to see it.

Whichever the case, arguing with either side has become synonymous with filing my teeth with a dremel. Besides being as productive as screaming into an Amazon Box, taping it up, and shipping it to Congress, it’s fucking annoying.

If there is a resolution I’m attempting to adopt in the latter half of my fifties, it is this: find common ground with everyone and if I encounter someone so far into conspiracy territory that I cannot, walk away and don’t look back.

Social Media Enables the Very Worst in Us (and Me)

I can’t remember if I shed myself of Faceborg, Twitter, Instagram, and the host of social media this or last year but I’ve spent most (if not all) of my fifty-fifth year absent the noise and it was an excellent decision.

Mobs of imbeciles canceling professors, trolling J.K. Rowling, threatening violence to strangers, and organizing a breach of the Capitol all using tools for communication that should be extraordinary made me hate people I had never met. This cannot be a good ‘chicken soup for the soul’ arena to spend time in.

I’ll admit that I do feel left out of the mix some yet I’m happier for it. I jumped back recently with a new LinkedIn account (which is sortof  like social media but with jobs) and the only good thing about that has been being able to message with Rob Kozlowski.

I’m a Social Distancing Jedi

Five years ago, Dana threw me a birthday party and there was a room full of friends in attendance. This year, I’ll be lucky if even Dana remembers my birthday.

The culling effect of both getting rid of social media and the pandemic has been like a hoarder finally ridding himself of boxes of empty Altoid tins and those square plastic bread ties. Always a bit of a misanthrope, this year has cleared out so much noise and my new gig at home has me isolated from the wash of the unwashed.

Turns out I’m good with this. My interactions with people are more intentional rather than surface level and while life has made me more cautious when it comes to whom I genuinely trust, those whom I do choose teach me things I wouldn’t know and enrich my dwindling time on the planet.

Your Reality is Dictated by Your Optimism

Optimism isn’t merely hope. It isn’t happiness or a cheery disposition.

Optimism is an act of resilience against the brutal harshness of living the existential crisis.

It’s darkest just before the dawn implies that there will be a dawn. What if there won’t be? What if it’s just more darkness? If the implacable timpani of human greed, a self correcting planetary environment, and the algorithm that defines our modern interaction has no end, should that result in giving in to the despair?

As optimism is a breeze when things are going your way, despair is the path of least resistance when things turn to shit. Seeing through the mist at a better future takes effort and commitment like a solid marriage or a massive novel you’ve committed to writing. It’s a project to be managed not a feeling to languish within.

One cannot truly call himself an optimist who refuses to see the horror. Pretending that people are essentially kind and generous is stuffing the ostrich head in the sand. People are apes with higher brain functions and follow the rules of the jungle. Tribalism, essentialism, war for resources, the history of brutality of all humanity goes far beyond Hannah Jones 1619 Project. Taken in whole, we aren’t a very enlightened and forgiving species.

Further, optimism is an individual choice. It’s not something that can be enforced but it is something that can be inspired. The American Experiment, despite its many missteps and flaws, is grounded in a belief that humans can govern themselves justly and effectively. Given the larger picture, belief in democracy is only slightly more delusional than the guy playing slots so he can pay his rent. The odds are astronomically against success and yet the choice to persevere is made.

When you see someone who has one of those death camp tattoos on their arm you are witnessing a genuine, tried and true, bona fide optimist.

Optimism is hardest when things turn to shit but it is then when it is most necessary.

Becoming Antique is a Journey

For the first time I see that more of my life has been lived than I have left to live.

I recognize that I wish I could give the years I have left to my nephew because I have done a lot in my five and a half decades and he didn't get the chance. I wonder, absent the obsessive drive to achieve I had in my younger days, what I have to offer in the next ten years? What value does my existence provide to others and how do I manifest that value in pragmatic terms?

Like an old car or a pair of worn-out shoes, we all must acknowledge a certain sense of obsolescence. The pandemic has up-ended so many of the fictions we lived with up until this point and finding North on the compass is a challenge these days. Becoming irrelevant is like that boiling frog—slowly and without even recognizing the boil—we all find ourselves as vintage. 

Perhaps that's what I've become. Not the rusted Coca Cola sign in the corner but the "like new" vinyl Def Leppard album with slightly tattered and stained liner notes.

In my next ten years (if I have that much time in store or more) I'd like to read more. Write a lot more. Listen to more live music. Be a better husband. Become that cool old man on the block with good advise and a snort of rye in case it's a little chilly. Christ, I already smoke a pipe.

There is so much more to learn that, in order to avoid feeling useless, I need to learn more.

In a Pandemic, Look For the Simple Things to Keep You Sane

A really well-made sandwich

A cold beer in 115˚ weather

A road trip with your Soul Mate

A book by a new author

A slideshow of you and your Soul Mate doing things together

A long walk

Recognizing that you have a Soul Mate

Sometimes I wonder if there’s anything else. I wonder if I’d miss anything important if I simply ceased to breathe on the couch I bought back in Chicago as it sits in Nevada.

In those moments of melodramatic existentialism, I remind myself that the experience of living is this annual letter to you. A summation of the things I’ve learned and the life I’ve lived.

If I had finished this race last year, my mettle wouldn’t have been tested by a pandemic. I wouldn't have found my sister again. I wouldn’t have seen Trump slink away to Florida. I wouldn’t be sitting in a Craps Chair in a home office of my design. 

I wouldn’t have learned anything at all (you know, because dead people stop moving forward).

Here’s to another year and what adventures I will have!

#Fifty-Fifth Birthday #Birthday Lessons

[salytierra]

I'm sorry if this is uncomfortable for you to answer and you don't have to if you don't want to. But what is your opinion on what's happening in Catalunya right now? From the perspective of someone who is Catalan and really knows, what's happening there?

You might have noticed this blog has gone on “fandom-hiatus” and the only thing I do is reblog once a day or post something related to this issue. So by scrolling a bit through my blog is very evident everything I need to say. 

So to just sum it up:

CATALONIA:

1. There is a percentage of population that wants in dependence. It’s not the majoritarian percentage but it’s very loud, passionate, insistent and pushy. They also got the support of the government (or are controlled by it).

2. That’s why there are two, opposite fractions of the government that want independence. The industrial elite, heirs of the right-wing party CiU and the Anti-system CUP + friends (ex: esquerra republicana). They found a common ground in it because LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE HAS BEEN DONE FOR YEARS but talk about the secessionist plans. 

3. 20 years ago CiU began an indoctrination process from schools, based off twisted, transgressed history and symbols. They were smart and when the recession arrived, used the cuts that they made, that all of Spain had to make, but where the other regions’ governments accepted their responsibility, the catalan governemnt diverged the attention from them and popularized the “Spain is stealing from us” slogan, and actively used the drive to independence to rise in power, by promising utopia wonders in an independent Catalonia. 

4. Fast forward a few years of increasing tension and we got a very, very aggressive secessionist movement, led by politicians that raised themselves to the status of Gods for their followers. Young people are extremely susceptible. Because of the aforementioned indoctrination and because the government asks to “disobey and rebel against the fascist Spain”. Young people love “disobeying” and it also became a social trend. 

5. We live in a moment and a region where anyone who disagrees with their opinion becomes an outcast. Some months ago students were beaten up till critical state in the Barcelona University just for being anti-independentist. Which is why most people that are against it don’t speak it out loud. You just can’t speak it out loud. You can’t voice your opinion, you can’t HAVE a different opinion. 

6. For the Catalan government and its followers the non-secessionist Catalans ARE NOT CATALANS. We are called traitors, fascist, we are insulted in every possible way, harassed, boycotted, silenced…

7. They lie about everything. They say that an independent Catalonia will be the new Andorra (meaning rich), when the most prominent Catalan companies already announced that they’ll leave in case of a unilateral-independence-declaration. (Sabadell bank left just hours ago for Alicante). Or that it will be part of the European community, when the EU told several times that it won’t happen. There will be a commercial blockage and no recognition. Because the EU is trying to ERASE BORDERS not to create more. 

8. The media is extremely manipulated and polarized. In the rest of the Spanish newspapers you can lean to the right or left, but you get the information more or less. Catalan media is ultra-radicalized and not only outright lies but omits whatever the information they want that could make their plans look unsure or negative. (The government also has no problem booting out members of their own party that express doubts, so that’s nothing, really.)

9. There is a governmental network called “Diplocat” (that is paid by our taxes, whether we agree to it or not) that has the ACN (catalan news agency) in its pocket. Among other things they also build “catalan embassies” in other countries, send representatives to talk in big universities about the “catalan freedom” (it’s not about fucking freedom! it never was!) and pay journalists and authors around the world to talk about Catalonia. 

10. The added problem to this is that the central government is a bunch of limp dicks that spend decades pretending this problem didn’t exist and would go away by its own. We had one party (Ciutadans ) rise to be the 4th political force in Spain, from Catalonia, mostly by proclaiming themselves anti-secessionist. They are the main opposition to the government here, but they are not strong enough to actually do anything, and the problem is that the parties that have “anti-secessionist” as a common factor don’t really agree on anything else, including how to face the problem. So they are just flopping around like “???” 

11. Now. About the 1st of October. 

What happened was that that an illegal “referendum” took place. It was a mess from the moment it was announced till this very second. 

You could argue that this is “democracy” (which is what they do) but it was all very well planned to precisely make it badly, rushed, makeshift, and illegal by both Spanish and European laws. 

But I guess you’ve seen the news. One side of the news. 

It was all very well orchestrated. I agree that sending police to confiscate the urns was not a good move. Not because it was “cruel” or “dictatorial” but because it was DUMB AS FUCK. They should just have let it happen and then ignore the results because the “referendum” was illegal in the first place. 

BUT EVERYBODY KNEW THERE WOULD BE POLICE. It was notified left and right. It was all a scene for the media and the internet. 

So you’ve seen these policemen on the news or on twitter. What you didn’t see were people waiting for them to arrive and start throwing stones, water and broken glass at them, spitting and yelling them in the face, pushing them and throwing themselves against them just to get a bruise to then post on the internet. 

You didn’t see that most of the reported cases were fake. Including a woman that went viral because “she had all her fingers broken” but then confessed on regional TV that she only had a capsulitis in one finger. Or the kid bleeding that was a photo from 2012 when the catalan government sent the regional police (mossos) against the 15M protestors. In fact, a LOT of photos were from that time. 

I’m not saying that there hadn’t been some police brutality. But it had certainly not been to the extent they made it look like. And honestly. I would have lasted way less than these agents before starting defending myself from these beasts. 

12. You certainly didn’t hear that THE URNS WERE ALREADY FULL BEFORE THE VOTING BEGAN (it’s on video, GDI!! stop denying it!). Or that the same person could vote several times. Or that CHILDREN could vote. 

(Yes, these people used their own children as human shields even though they knew before leaving home that there would be police, made them vote, and then they call the rest of us “inhuman” for not thinking like them.)

13. There was absolutely no census. And only those that wanted the “yes” went to vote. So the percentages are bullshit. 

Not to mention that out of the 5,5 million Catalans entitled to vote. According to them, 2.2 million voted with a 90% yes. (remember the urns already full and people voting several times? Well, including that!!) 

So… with 3.52 million Catalans against it, WHAT RIGHT DO THEY HAVE TO UNILATERALLY PROCLAIM INDEPENDENCE NOW???? 

(Which is what Puigdemont is threatening) 

14. The national police had been harassed since then, physically attacked, THEIR KIDS singled out and threatened in schools by teachers, classmates and neighbors. Some had to send they families away because they are in danger. (are these kids not catalan too?) 

15. Everything is a giant, scary mess. This is so way out of hand, there’s no actual plan, nothing is sure. 

16. If you are not secessionist, you are fucked. If you are - you are too, just don’t know it yet. 

And this is my summary of events for you. 

Of course I can say all of this here because of the anonymity of tumblr. If I did it in real life it would be a social suicide at best and land me in the hospital at worst :))

But I will be there, in Barcelona, for the anti-secessionist protest this Sunday. I hope your international media doesn’t forget to report that too. 

#catalonia #spain #catalunya #cataluña #referendum #cosas de casa #satlytierra #politics #Anonymous #answers #please reblog it so this sees the light too #not only their version

[dixie-diamonds]

The (non) Fridging of one Ms. Emma Frost.

For our initial offering, dear followers, we bring you our thoughts on the sad, tragic, and sadly unnecessary, fate of one Ms. Emma Frost at the end of the sordid, editorially driven to the ground, non-event Inhumans vs. X-Men.  

We wanted to get some distance from the events of this installment before putting down our thoughts to keyboard about…well there’s really no better way to say it…the character rape-ification that happened to Emma on IvX # 6.  So now a few days later. I think our thoughts have settled.  

One of the most awful truisms in life is the notion of having to take one’s own advice.  It sucks.  Particularly when it comes to comics.  We’re usually the one to tell folks, right after their favorite characters get nuked because some writer thinks awful writing choices means ‘genius’ or something, that one of the only constants in our hobby/culture/life is the constancy of change.  Status quos last only rarely and even something seemingly permanent can be rebirthed, rebooted, forgiven, recast, retconned, whatever.  That’s a long winded way of saying that…even though things are bleak at the moment, to quote Avenue Q, ‘this is only for now’.  We know it’s small, fleeting comfort fellow Emma fans.  We feel you.  But…it’s the only silver lining we can see emerging from this hot mess of a fucked up sitch we’re in right now. It’s hard to swallow.  We find it difficult to accept it at times still.  At the end of the day though, I think it’s also important to assess and realize that look, at the end of day, and as much as we all love her, she is just a fictional character.  Her status quo now, as awful as it is, hasn’t killed anyone (as far as I know) or made the Trump regime even worse (again as far as I know).  So we’re ok.  

So now that the table-setting is out of the way…let’s get on with the nitty gritty.  We’re not gonna summarize the plot of IvX, as that’s available plenty of other places.  And if you’ve read the story…well you know.

We’re not unhappy about Emma’s reversion to an out and out villain.  Honestly, after the events of Death of X and the earlier installments of IvX, any other kind of conclusion, or hell even having her returned to the X-Fold wouldn’t make much story sense.  Lemire and Soule have laid down enough story real estate that having it end any other way than that would just be silly or horribly contrived.  And you know what? That’s fine.  That’s totally fine.  Why not? It might even be interesting.  What would an anti-hero Emma, skirting on the darker sides of the gray lines she already inhabits, look like? What would an Emma-ized notion of Magneto’s previous ideology look like?  Would that even be her motivation?  Or would it just be (and to us far more interesting plot-wise and commentary wise on the X-franchise as a whole) more of Emma finally saying ‘FUCK IT’ to all the endless thumb-twiddling the X-folks have been doing ever since Bendis took over?  Or hell, she can just go full on Black Cat and just be an international jewel thief coz she is so sick and done with the X-Men’s perennially regressive approach to things and the endless Uncle Tom-ing they all seem to be doing lately.  All of these options are cool to us and they would be interesting to read about.

But that isn’t what we got.  What we got instead is Emma literally assuming the identity of the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (also known as Cyclop’s secondary mutation, seriously man, you should check that, it is a serious condition), and without the wit or awesome musical numbers that you get from the CW show.  Her motivation for turning the heel is literally, and we wave our fist to the sky as we type this, ‘my boyfriend died and I’m nothing without him’.  A notion that Soule (and Lemire too? It isn’t clear which of these two editorial puppets came up with the notion, though most seem to argue that it’s Soule) ratchets up to a level beyond creepy when he has Emma don an outfit THAT LITERALLY IS HER PUTTING ON HER EX-BOYFRIENDS SKIN.  What in the fuckity fuck fuck fuck is this?  How/why does this make sense?  As many other fans (and non fans) have said…we are talking about a woman who a) watched many iterations of her students die b) survived the 9/11-ing of Genosha by Sentinels (more on that FUCKITY FUCK plot point in a little bit) c) killed her sister for killing one of her students d) lost her brother, whom she cared for deeply to insanity because of an abusive father e) literally started from the bottom to build up a massive financial empire.  We can go on.  The point is, in the grand scheme of traumas that Emma has experienced, losing Scott would probably just amount to a small paper cut.  The fact (that Soule and Lemire forgot about?) that she and Scott ALREADY BROKE UP BEFORE DEATH OF X makes the notion of this crazy, stupid love even more ridiculous. Also, remember, in her diamond form, she is supposed to feel nothing, NOTHING, now let’s go back to IvX and count how many times Emma assumes her diamond form... bored of counting already? This characterization of Emma as jilted lover, turned all the way up to level 100 gazillion, is just idiotic writing borne out of some editorial mandate. 

And look ok, fine, let’s make Emma unstable.  Sure, why not, we can go there too.  But seriously? You’re going to show that by having the woman who, when she got god-like Phoenix powers (which, by the way also maybe made her a little crazy?) MADE IT HER FIRST PRIORITY TO LITERALLY DESTROY EVERY SENTINEL ON THE PLANET.  How does this even fucking work?  If Emma is really all ID now and she’s gone off the rails, and is now doing whatever the fuck she wants…why in the hell would she want to create Sentinels?  It makes no sense….even if the aim was to show her instability.  It also lacks the kind of deeper, elegant hurt that she’s capable of and prefers to inflict.  This Sentinel shit is amateur fucking hour, and she is anything but.  See, for contrast, the way she handled Laura’s previous handler Kimura.  That wasn’t the kind of mustache twirling fuckery we got handed.  That was Emma going for the elegant kind of pain: one that’s long lasting and deliciously poetic.  If Emma is going to be a baddie, then that’s the kind of next level shit they need to show her being capable of, not this two-bit hysterical monologuing bullshit we got.  Cullenn Bunn has stated in a recent CBR X-Position that Ems will be playing a big role in X-Men Blue.  Now, we trust Bunn, he does good work, particularly with anti-heroes like Magneto and Sabretooth...perhaps he can salvage something from this horrible situation.  

Making Emma the big bad of ResurrXion, the next Magneto, now that Magneto is a hero (at least this week), is all fine and dandy. But do it well. Make it meaningful. It takes about 2 panels for her to kill hundreds of inhumans. Almost as a side note. Those panels are going to define her as a genocidal villain for the rest of her days, the same way Hank Pym has been defined by a single panel that was not even scripted.

Why is all this happening? Why did it have to happen this way?  Our completely unscientific (and admittedly conspiracy theory-leaning) argument is that it all has to do with nostalgia.  RessurXion seems to be banking on regressing everything back to the 90s…the time when the X-Men were walking around in tights, constantly playing baseball, and involved in 30 plus year subplots that don’t ever get resolved.  And look, there’s nothing wrong with that.  But, why does that shiny new reboot have to be bought and paid for by throwing both Cyclops and Emma under the bus?  Why does this have to come at the price of wiping away so much of  the compelling additions that the Scott/Emma era of the X-franchise created? The notion of mutants as a tribe, as one people; of mutants being an actual political minority that exists in the larger Marvel firmament; the notion of an X-character, who not only is a compelling, multi-layered female character, who doesn’t go for the usual liberal/assimilative platitudes the X-People usually spout.  Why does all this need to be wiped away?  Are the new writers just not good enough to create something that the nostalgic mouthbreathing focus groups want (and is this even a real demographic? Who exactly did this development please? Other than godawful Jean partisans and non-intelligent comic readers?) while being respectful of and keeping (mostly) intact the import of stories that have already been told.  The fact that what happened happened feels like a slap in the face to all the fans who are rightly asking these questions.

Secondly….we think this development also owes a lot to the kind of demographic Marvel is targeting, and the kind of female characters that that demographic is interested in reading and supporting.  That is, the kind of female character who is a modified distillation of the manic, pixie dreamgirl: spunky, ‘strong’, sexual (to a degree), feminist (to a degree, but also only in a very specific second wave kind of a way)  and of course have to be tumblrflower, Bleeding Cool and Mary Sue approved, lest the wrath of twitter be provoked.  I’m talking of characters like America Chavez, Kamala Khan, Kate Bishop and Carol Danvers.  Strong, feminist, etc. But, not threatening, not overtly sexual, not swagger-y, and god forbid, not sexual only for the sake of sex; they are the equivalent of Boy Bands in the 90′s and early 00′s, attractive, easy to sell, tame. Remember She-Hulk being a strong woman with a brilliant career, kicking ass and taking names, having sexual fantasies with fellow Avengers in the 90′s? well, that She-Hulk is also gone.  After Civil War 2, poor Jen is being written as a very mousey Millennial...who’s afraid of her own power and strength.  Seeing a pattern already?

 Emma, in our view, represents one of the last few fabulously written female characters that counters this second-wave feminist tendency in current comic writing/production of female characters.  She has an unproblematic relationship with sex for pleasure and she isn’t here to make you feel good about your goddamned feminist struggle or your sophomoric need for representation.  And for that, she had to be punished and made the bogeywoman of all the twitter warriors who insist that female characters be feminist-strong…but only in the way that they find palatable and ‘relatable’.  I’ve always been very aware that Marvel is a business (a point I belabor to anyone who thinks Marvel OWES them something)…and of course they have to go where the money is.  But, it doesn’t make this direction for Emma, or the character assassination she and we have endued, any more palatable.  

Which brings us full circle to the essay’s title.  She may still be alive, walking around the Marvel U in an outfit that can only be described as ‘too garish, even for pre-Joanne Lady Gaga’, but for all intents and purposes, Emma Frost has been fridged.  Not physically, and in a way this is even far more cruel to her fans.  They could have just taken her away from us cleanly, ending her story, not in the best of places, but at least it would have ended (for now) and we can go on, missing her, but at least with the comfort that it couldn’t get any worse.  But that isn’t what happened.  Instead, they took her away from us, one sordid, horribly mandated development at a time, until all that’s left is this ghoul-caricature of a character, walking around; sapped of all of her vitality and that je ne sais quoi that made her so unique, endlessly compelling, and the source of such pure comic joy.  That woman is long gone.  And what’s in her place now is just a zombie that Soule and Lemire should have just put out of her misery.  

It’s fine that Marvel needed an X-Men reboot.  Hell, in many ways as a fan, I might have welcome it with much more enthusiasm than my tepid ‘oh great I guess I’m obligated to read it’ feeling that I’m having right now.  If only, this shiny new future for the merry mutants didn’t have to bought with the merciless, cruel, and absolutely unnecessary, and far worse, character fridging of one Emma Frost.

At least, we’ll always have the trades fellow Emma fans.

Keep the faith.

We’re hanging on with you.   

#Emma Frost #IvX #review #rants #XMenladies #hey there

[mediocritymachine]

Do all the honest asks....if u dare >:3

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?My ex. I felt uncomfortable the whole time hahahaha
2. Are you outgoing or shy?Depends on who you are 
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?My datemate hopefully ;o;
4. Are you easy to get along with?Short answer. No.
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?I think so haha 
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?Uh good question
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?Yeah !
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?What is this "opposite" gender bs 
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Not really but if I don't know you well then, yeah lol
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?Furry actually like just a bit ago
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?>>Btw... If we see eachother I'm bringing food from trader joes>>it will change ur life
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?Lavander-Two Door Cinema ClubCaliformula- BlackbearBad Decisions- Two Door Cinema ClubWorld Alone- LordeAnd... Another I forgot the name to it'll come to me,,
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Yes. I don't let just anyone do it tho,
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Sorta
15. What good thing happened this summer?This summer as in last summer? A lot of things idk 
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?I ALMOST DID kiss my ex but. I copped out bc it was weird and forced and it made me uncomfy, haven't kissed anyone romantically.
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Hell yeah
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?Nope
19. Do you like bubble baths?Tbh yeah 
20. Do you like your neighbors?They're alright? Not really tho
21. What are you bad habits?Bad posture, sugar addiction, uh 
22. Where would you like to travel?Hmmm~ the EU is somewhere I would love to go, 
23. Do you have trust issues?Yeah, deep trust issues
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?The part where I sleep,
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?My shoulders
26. What do you do when you wake up?Sleep in for another 30 minutes
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?Nope 
28. Who are you most comfortable around?Furry or Dori
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?Nope ayy lmao
30. Do you ever want to get married?Yeah!
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?Yep
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?Uhm. I can't name celebrities, so I'll be glad I got out of this situation. 
33. Spell your name with your chin.No.
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
Nope. Used to do horse riding but when I got better I eventually got into jumping and people are rly weird and catty so. I don't do it anymore bc that wrecked my confidence.35. Would you rather live without TV or music?I hate TV anyways
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?Yep
37. What do you say during awkward silences?I laugh it off or make stupid jokes
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?? What it's too late for this bullshit
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?Hmmm ~~ you know I don't really know, there are some I rly like though 
40. What do you want to do after high school?If anything it's my life I don't have figured out. Maybe something in the field of biology as a dream career though.
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?Not everyone
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?They did something wrong or I'm nervous around you or I don't know what to say ayy lmao
43. Do you smile at strangers?Yeah!
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?GOOD QUESTION IDK OH GOD DONT MAKE ME CHOSE PLE A SE
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?"You fucking have to to school, you gotta."
46. What are you paranoid about?Home invasion really scares meAlso I'm paranoid about losing my friends 
47. Have you ever been high?Nope
48. Have you ever been drunk?Nope, can't say I haven't thought about it tho
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Probably. Can't remember rn.
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?I literally just took a hoodie off. It's my white cat hoodie.
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
Yeah of course52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?My long hair ahhshs 
53. Favourite makeup brand?I don't wear makeup but if I had to chose ? Urban Decay bc ... The name sounds cool fuck me
54. Favourite store?YOU ALREADY ASKED THIS
55. Favourite blog?Idk
56. Favourite colour?Muted blue and Tiffany blue 
57. Favourite food? ALL
58. Last thing you ate?Cookies ,,, 
59. First thing you ate this morning?Chicken soup skjdjdhdhdh
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
Yeah I have. I remember a 2nd grade school art contest ahshshs61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Nope 
62. Been arrested? For what?Nah
63. Ever been in love? ❤��
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?I haven't ajsjdjd
65. Are you hungry right now?I'm always starving tbh. I'm probably growing again, probably the last time too since I'm gonna be 16 soon 
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?What no bc I hardly have friends on tumblr and the ones that are are mutuals I don't talk to. Btw feel free to message me :D
67. Facebook or Twitter?Neither 
68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now?No
70. Names of your bestfriends? Brooke,Iris,Dorris, uh
71. Craving something? What?I just want to c o n s u m e
72. What colour are your towels?Brown
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?2
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?Yes, two stuffed donuts. I won one at the fair and the other one my mom bought me for my birthday.
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?10? 15?
75. Favourite animal?IDK PARROTS?
76. What colour is your underwear?Uh, 
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Chocolate
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?That one half baked Ben n Jerrys ice cream, like YES
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?White
80. What colour pants?It's the bottom part of the cat hoodie set 
81. Favourite tv show?Staven Galaxy
82. Favourite movie?The furry movie or the fox and the hound
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?Neither
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?Neither
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Never seen it lolol
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?NEMO
87. First person you talked to today?my mom
88. Last person you talked to today?Furry
89. Name a person you hate?I'll use their emoji 🍂
90. Name a person you love?Furry

[scrapsofsky]

I am on my way home from Dublin OR have already arrived. Like science fiction, my future is fundamentally about the present. Naturally, that means Worldcon has ended along with my sadly short vacation in Dublin, Ireland, a quaint little city… Oh, who the hell am I kidding? Dublin is really cool, y’all. And since “recaps of adventures” are a thing in the science fiction community, I’m here to, well, recap my adventures. This one will be a long one, y’all. So here…we…go!

The Dublin Worldcon was a bit like a dream. I pre-supported (or whatever it’s called) fairly early in the game AND bought an upgrade for my badge at the Worldcon in Finland (2017). I really wanted to go to a Worldcon in Dublin. More importantly, I wanted to support strong bids for non-U.S. Worldcons because, well, I actually take the “world” part of the name literally, and I don’t think you can have a “Worldcon” that doesn’t make an attempt to occur in various parts of the world.[1. I also recognize that logistically, it is quite difficult to run a Worldcon in every place on Earth. First, you need an established community that could reasonably handle a con the size of a Worldcon. Second, you need a space that can reasonably provide for potential attendees. Also: with the dystopian turn around the world, I have particular concerns about safety for convention attendees, especially if they come from marginalized groups. There are no easy solutions to this problem. After all, the West has decided to flush its progressive movement down the toilet. Most of us are fairly privileged in the West, and I am reminded of my nearly tearful smile in the EPIC Museum in Dublin when the fancy screen reminded us that Dublin was the first (or one of the first) countries to legalize gay marriage by popular vote. Respecting other cultures is one thing, but we also have to consider the safety of attendees in places where rights-based progress has not occurred. And, yes, I recognize that my home country, the United States of America, has SEVERE issues when it comes to safety right now. I would be hesitant to support a Worldcon in the U.S., which is likely to attract people from Mexico and other heavily Hispanic or Latinx nations; no U.S. Worldcon can guarantee that they won’t get randomly picked up by ICE and deported even though they are legally in the country. Worse, no U.S. Worldcon can guarantee that anyone picked by ICE for deportation won’t have their lives put at risk when they are detained in some ICE facility without the provisions necessary for comfort. I’ll remind people that simply being in the U.S. is not a crime, and being in the U.S. illegally is so minor of a crime that any argument suggesting they be treated like hardened criminals is, frankly, some fascist bullshit. Yes, fascist. OK. I’ll stop now…]

Originally, I had not planned to attend the event. I recently moved to Minnesota for a new job, and that meant a lot of moving expenses ended up on credit cards (ahem, I have a ko-fi). So I made the choice that I would save my money to pay down debt (ahem, I have a Paypal, ahem). Then y’all nominated my podcast, The Skiffy and Fanty Show, for Best Fancast. And when you’re nominated for a Hugo to be announced in Ireland, you have to scrap your previous adult plans for nerd shenanigans.

Also:  I will apologize in advance for forgetting anyone I might have hung out with, encountered, conversed with, etc. Dublin was a bit of a whirlwind, and I am notoriously forgetful. I also do want to apologize to folks we meant to interview for the podcast. Stuff sorta fell through, partly because of me and partly because of things I couldn’t control. However, I expect to record new stuffs with you folks in the near future!

So with that in mind, here’s a day-by-day accounting of the events in Dublin:

Day One (8/13/19 – 8/14/19): Dubliners

Thanks (seriously, thanks) to all the lovely folks who donated to my fundraiser (to cover the flight and hotel expenses), I was able to stay a little longer in Dublin than I might have if I could only rely on work reimbursement.[2. Work will basically cover all the stuff that isn’t flight or hotel related. Without your support, I probably would have been there for two days and then come back, which is kind of a waste of a trip. This way, I could cover some bills and experience a bit of Dublin.] One of my co-hosts and co-producers, Jen Zink, had procured accommodations at Trinity College for Friday through Tuesday, so I decided I’d take a few days off from work to enjoy a bit more of Dublin.

If you follow me on Twitter, you’ll know that my departure did not go smoothly. I left Bemidji for Minneapolis with more than enough time for a 2+ hour early arrival. But Minnesota decided the 13th would be the day to dump Florida-level rain on the whole damn state. By the time I hit Minneapolis, I had lost at least 30 minutes of lead time. In Minneapolis, things were even worse. The roads were swamped with slowed sections and accidents. I even took the wrong turnoff, which put me in even worse traffic and sent me through back roads trying to make my way. Normally, losing a 2-hour lead on a flight wouldn’t worry me. When I fly domestic, I usually don’t have any issues at the Minneapolis Airport and end up with over 90 minutes of free time. International flights aren’t always as smooth, so I was certain I’d miss the flight. So certain I think I had my first case of real road rage in a long time. I even called Jen to rant as a way to calm the nerves.

Needless to say, I made it with time to spare because Minneapolis is weird.

And if only that were the last disaster! Ha! Upon arrival in Dublin (about an hour late), I received the delightful news that the airline (KLM-Delta) had lost my luggage. And by “lost” I mean “somehow they got it off the plane and misplaced it on the way to the baggage carousel.” This happened to everyone’s luggage for the flight. The airline tried to claim that the luggage had come on a different flight due to weight concerns, but I call bullshit. [3. Pro-tip, folks. Bring a change of underwear in your carry-on luggage. T-shirt and sporty shorts are also a plus.]

At the time, this really stressed me out. In retrospect, it’s honestly not that big a deal. I was just damn tired and didn’t want to go shopping for supplies while in an unfamiliar city after a red-eye flight.

The good news? I ended that day by chilling with Gareth Kavanaugh and ickle_tayto (it’s a reference!). We had dinner at an Irish pub place, where I devoured a Guinness and an Irish stew. So the evening ended quite well indeed!

Day 2 (8/15):  Let the Great Pre-Con Spin

The second day turned out a bit better. As you do when you’re in Ireland, I started off with a full Irish breakfast at a local pub. Nomnom. Aside from lingering pain from my leg (hey, leg pain!), I had a pretty good time socializing and wandering the convention center.

One thing I did get to do was catch up with Anne Lyle, who has been one of my go-to “hey, we randomly happen to be in the same place” friends. She seems to pop up at the same conventions, and we never coordinate anything. We just run into each other, and it’s a happy friends time. On top of that, I joined up with Julia Rios and her husband, Moss (who is a delight), and all four of us had a lovely dinner at a local sushi place.

I’m also pretty sure this is the day I met Matt (a.k.a. runalongwomble). We had a beer (thank god for European conventions), chatted about a lot of stuffs, and enjoyed general merriment. Matt is awesome!

That pretty much sums up that day. I weirdly didn’t go to any panels, which I’ll blame on jet lag and the fiasco of the previous day. Honestly, if not for catching up with old friends, I imagine it would feel wasted, but as it stands:  totally a good day.

P.S.:  This is one of those days where my memory is quite fuzzy. If we talked on this day, please remind me, because the brain has deleted my browsing history…

Day 3 (8/16): The Picture of Loopdilou

By Friday, the Skiffy and Fanty crew had begun to accumulate like some kind of troupe of Might Morphin’ Power Rangers (yeah, I went there). Julia and Alex were already in town. Trish was probably hiding somewhere. And Jen was on her way from Colorado. I’m told the weather in Colorado was pleasant in her absence, which meteorologists attributed to the absence of her Storm-like aura of radiation (X-Men rule!).

I mostly spent the day enjoying good food (another full Irish breakfast, y’all — Spar’s got it goin’ on), chatting with folks, drinking beer at Martin’s (the “pub” offered by Worldcon because European Worldcons are like that), and so on. Mostly, I spent half of the day waiting for Jen, who decided to be late to the party. I also recorded an interview with Ariela Housman and Terri Ash of Geek Calligraphy (forthcoming).

Once Jen arrived, we got checked into our room at Trinity College, proceeded to hunt down Julia and Alex and Trish, attended Julia’s and Alex’s readings, and then poofed off to a local Irish pub for eats with Anne Lyle in tow. Oh, fun fact:  Jen totally fell like a cartoon character after “running into” a foot traffic barricade. It was hilarious.

After those shenanigans, we went to Julia’s hotel room, acquired some lovely alcohol, and recorded an episode of Torture Cinema with Skiffy and Fanty super fan, Linnea. You can listen to the episode here! Jen spent most of the evening snoring.

Day 4 (8/17):  A Portrait of the Panelist as an Old Fart

The next day was an eventful one. It was the first day I got to really enjoy panels at Worldcon. Here’s a quick rundown of the panels I attended (some will link to Twitter threads and what not):

One of the big panels I attended was “What is African Science Fiction?” starring Nick Wood and Geoff Ryman. This panel was meant to have others in attendance, but alas there were some issues that prevented that. You can read some of my notes on the panel via this Twitter thread:

https://twitter.com/shaunduke/status/1162667073962741761

And even more can be found via Vanessa Rose Phin’s thread:

https://twitter.com/wordfey/status/1162660343895797760

I do just want to add that the problem of tourist visas is one that we’re going to need to deal with in the future. I’m not sure how much conventions can do to mitigate the damage this causes, but we all need to be more proactive in making sure people from other parts of the world can attend conventions and be part of our conversations. Otherwise, we’re just not the global community we should be. There’s more to be said on this, but this post is already ridiculously long!

From there, I decided to hit up “Building the SFF Community Online,” which I hoped would give me some insight into managing online communities. I semi-run two semi-communities:  The Skiffy and Fanty Show and StarWarsFanJoy, both of which I’ve semi-neglected because I am overwhelmed by life. The panel starred Christopher Davis, Kat Tanaka Okopnik, fromankyra, Elio Garcia Jr., and Heather Rose Jones (M).

I also attended a “Muslim SFF” panel starring S.A. Chakraborty, Yasser Bahjatt, Harun Šiljak, and Peter Adrian Behravesh (who looks like an English professor who took a class in Awesome). I really wish I had kept notes on the panel because they mentioned a lot of old school and relatively recent work, some of which was from Arabia and some of which was from elsewhere in the world (Bosnia!). I mostly go to these panels to find new stuff to check out, and in this case, I just missed a lot because I am still fairly new to the way names from Arabia (and, well, Bosnia) are spelled. In other words, I just missed a lot of names. But there’s good news for this one:  it was streamed live on YouTube! See here:

So go get you some Muslim SF/F!

The last panel I attended that wasn’t one of my own was “Audio Dramas and Radio Plays,” starring Phil Foglio, Roger Gregg, Fiona Moore, and Jeanne Beckwith (M). I mostly went because my co-hosts, Jen Zink and Trish Matson, were interested. I think we both expected to get something different out of it:  Jen probably wanted more tips on audio narration and dramatic presentation for her work as a podcast producer on non-Skiffy and Fanty things; I mostly wanted a better understanding of audio drama to see where there might be crossover for an actual play RPG podcast I’d like to do.

And, well, we didn’t really get much out of it. Except chuckles. The panel briefly talked about podcasts, but it was pretty clear that nobody on the panel actually knew anything about podcasts. That might not bother me except they were meant to be there as experts of a kind on audio dramas and radio plays, both things that have been part of the podcasting community for longer than I’ve been a part of it (I joined in 2010 and started listening in 2008 or so). Then one of the panelists basically said you shouldn’t start a podcast just to have fun, and all three us did one of those comedic “oh really” turns, and then Jen muttered “we really fucked this up.” We probably would have disrupted the panel with laughter if we hadn’t contained ourselves just a wee bit.

Beyond that, I had one panel and one event of my own to attend. It was a busy day! My first panel for Worldcon was “The Use of SF in Higher Education��� starring Mary Anne Mohanraj (M), Nora E. Derrington, David DeGraff, and Corry L. Lee, Ph.D. We largely talked about how to navigate using SF in classrooms with emphasis on getting students to think about the world around them. There’s good reason for that:  most of the panelists teach physical sciences (physics and the like). I did get to go on a mini-ramble about the importance of using literature to think about digital technology, social media, and the like. This was one of those moments when I wished that panels could be longer or that we had more time between panels to have conversations with audience members. But Dublin tried to keep things moving, so…

The last thing on the list was a Literary Beer with, well, myself. These are basically kaffeeklatsches with beer instead of coffee. Free beer, I might add. Mmm. Free beer.

Anyway. I was pretty concerned about this because I do not consider myself much of a celebrity despite being a Hugo Award finalist two times in the same decade. However, my table ended up being full. In attendance: Valerie Valdes, who I had met at some point earlier in the convention (along with her lovely husband, Eric, who chatted my ear off about cinema sound production[3. Eric, you are totally evil for getting me back into Pokemon Go. You monster!]), S.C. Flynn, old friends Evergreen and Gary, Eyal Kless, and a whole lot of other folks! Honestly, I went in feeling very much like an impostor, but left feeling pretty good. For the most part, the conversation wandered into everything from Star Wars to toxic fandom to podcasting to separating the author from their work, etc. I have no idea if that’s how these things are meant to go, but I certainly enjoyed myself.

I ended up grabbing dinner on a boat with Evergreen and Gary, which was lovely, then nabbing beers, socializing, and then towing Jen back to Trinity College. It was a pretty good day.

Day 5 (8/18): The Book of Panels

Ah, Sunday. The big day. The awards day. The day we lost another Hugo Award. Ha!

For the most part, I didn’t get to attend any panels other than my own. There was a lot of sleeping in, eating full Irish breakfasts, socializing, and otherwise keeping our minds focused on being emotional wrecks. For the most part, we succeeded.

The first panel of the day was “Academics and Acolytes: Learning in SFF Worlds,” starring Karen Simpson Nikakis, Kenneth Schneyer, and Ali Baker. We mostly discussed how learning systems function in SF/F narratives, what they get right and wrong, etc. It was pretty fantasy heavy, but I think that’s largely because most narratives with memorable education systems happen to be fantasy narratives. We did have some fun at the end when an audience member asked which school from an SF/F story we’d like to attend. My answer was pretty reasonable:  Starfleet if for no other reason than that my chances of death on campus are remarkably low. Let’s be real:  most schools in fantasy worlds put their students in a lot of danger. I have no idea how any fantasy school manages to have insurance for the premises.

The other panel was simply called “Fan Podcasts,” starring Alexandra Rowland, Jonathan Strahan, Heather Rose Jones (M), and Jen Zink. Unlike a lot of podcast panels I’ve been on, we didn’t focus on all the technical details. Instead, Heather kindly directed us to talk about the trials that go into producing a show, our intentions and desires, and related components. It led to a lot of back-and-forth between the different podcast hosts, each of whom had different perspectives. All in all, it was a solid ending to my panel allotment!

And then the real scary stuff happened! The Skiffy and Fanty Crew got to attend another Hugo Awards ceremony together, beginning with a mini-party-whatsit (which we attended with Eden Royce and her husband, Mark Taylor). Brandon O’Brien, Trish Matson, Julia Rios, and Alex Acks were also in attendance. As far as Hugo Award ceremonies go, this one had quite a few hiccups. The biggest was the closed caption failures that brought about a lot of laughter during Ada Palmer’s award introduction. At first, I did find the inaccurate translations of Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones as “Bored of the Rings” and “Cream of Thrones,” but the more I think about it, the more of a colossal screw-up it turned out to be. Obviously, they put that there for folks who are hard of hearing, but it’s clear that they needed a better system or some other method entirely, especially since the laughter completely disrupted the show. Beyond that, though, I think the awards were perfectly fine. There’s no online stream as far as I can tell, but you can learn about the winners here.

Naturally, we didn’t win. Surprise! But we did get to watch some really phenomenal folks get trophies and light the world on fire with some of their speeches.

After that, we headed to the now-infamous Hugo Losers Party. Infamous for unintended reasons… Much has been said about the issues surrounding the HLP. My voice is among the many, though I am by far the least significant voice. Instead of retreading here, I’ll simply point you to this string of Twitter threads and posts (mine will come last). A couple quick points to note:

The Dublin Worldcon folks are not responsible for the party, though they did put the invitations in finalist packets. Some of the threads tag Dublin 2019 in the mix, but they were minimally involved in the event. This suggests that there is a LOT of confusion about who runs the Hugo Losers Party, who manages things like transportation, etc.

New Zealand’s Worldcon crew are also mentioned in some of these threads. They were involved in the party, though I’m not sure to what degree. I do know that they were at the front doors and contributed, intentionally or otherwise, to the confusion outside. Hopefully, they took a LOT of notes.

There are also likely some inaccuracies in some of these threads, especially those written in the moment or the immediate wake. Again, this speaks to the degree of confusion about the event, who manages it, who said what and when, etc. It also shows just how much confusion there was at the doors. My friends and I honestly had no idea what was going on beyond “it’s full and you can’t get in,” and when we asked questions, we often got conflicting information, no information, or got told something that, in our eyes, seemed wrong (like dumping our +1s at the door like discarded luggage).

While there is a lot of anger in all of this, I don’t think anyone blames those who did attend the event for attending. It wasn’t their party, and they were simply doing what they thought they were allowed to do. More importantly, some of those folks, including convention staff, left when they found out that finalists were being refused entry. They shouldn’t have had to do that, but I appreciate that they chose to do so on our behalf. This is likely the reason Jen Zink and I managed to gain entry (see my thread below for more on that).

GRRM does partly finance and run this shindig, for which I think most people are grateful. Indeed, it’s a nice thing to do. Most of the issues that came up concern how people felt in trying to attend the event and the apparent dismissal of those feelings after the fact. You’ll see that in most of the threads.

Here are some initial reactions (understandably annoyed reactions):

https://twitter.com/katsudonburi/status/1163219408032018432

https://twitter.com/NussbaumAbigail/status/1163369795238223872

GRRM has now responded to some of these thoughts. I recommend you start with Alex Acks’ blog response to that post, which pretty well covers a lot of the major issues surrounding the party and the explanations that followed. Then look at these Twitter threads:

https://twitter.com/LoopdiLou/status/1168215279286898688

https://twitter.com/AlasdairStuart/status/1168519904179490817

https://twitter.com/_vajra/status/1168225748676726791

https://twitter.com/AlexandraErin/status/1168174552087769088

https://twitter.com/D_Libris/status/1168179746787790849

You can read my initial reactions to the party here:

https://twitter.com/shaunduke/status/1163256621985927168

And my post-GRRM explanation reactions here:

https://twitter.com/shaunduke/status/1168168091819421699

https://twitter.com/shaunduke/status/1168276842815639553

These are by no means the only reactions. I am certainly missing quite a few, so if you have suggestions for things to include, please let me know in the comments!

Other than that, the day was a good one. It might have ended awkwardly, but that’s just the way life works sometimes!

Day 6 (8/19):  Worldcon’s Ashes

Monday began with a quick meetup with Tanya DePass. Jen and I interviewed her about I Need Diverse Games and related gaming issues (forthcoming) before joining her for her reading from Game Devs & Others: Tales from the Margins. It was good stuff!

Beyond that, Monday is a bit of a blur. It was the last full day of Jen shenanigans, but she wasn’t feeling well enough to do much more than hang at the convention center. I’m sure I did a lot of socializing there, but I’m just drawing blanks while writing this (sorry).

I do know that we attended the closing ceremony party thing. We procured some bean bags with Gareth Kavanaugh. Ian Sales showed up, and we had a lovely chat about his recent move, making lists of movies where we accuse the other of being totally wrong about their choices, and other fun things. Then we retired…

Day 7 (8/20): Duke’s Travels

With the convention officially over, it was time to say goodbye to some people and get some last-minute Dublin adventures marked off the “to do” list. Jen and I joined Alasdair Stuart and Marguerite Kenner for breakfast as a farewell. They were all leaving relatively early in the day. We had a lovely conversation over burgers and fries, talked genre shenanigans, commiserated over the previous Sunday’s fiasco, babbled about audio production and Netflix shows, etc. It was pretty awesome.

Then we parted ways. I said goodbye to one of my best friends (and two new ones). To be fair, Jen and I are not allowed to be in the same region for more than 6 days due to some pesky international treaties signed between Thailand, the United States, and Poland. So don’t expect us to hang out again soon.

After that, I had the pleasure of joining Juan Sanmiguel (from Orlando’s SF/F fan community). We decided to check out Dublin Castle, which is pretty darn cool (see the pictures), the EPIC museum (also incredible), and Chapters, a massive new and used bookstore in Dublin.[4. I discovered the Antonio Benitez-Rojo wrote novels. Ask me about it some time.] I certainly didn’t get to see as much of the city as I would have liked, but you can’t have it all, right? We ended the evening at J.W. Sweetman, a brewery and pub in the center of Dublin. Yes, I tried all of their beers (in very small glasses).

As I write this, Juan is doing more Dublin things without me.[5. Actually, he’s home now, but I can’t be bothered to keep times accurate.]

Afterwards, I bought some souvenirs and turned in.

Day 8 (8/21): Thy Journey Might Cease

And so it all ended. Here I am writing up a longwinded report on my Worldcon activities from the relative discomfort of an airplane flying at 33,881 feet in -45 C temperatures at nearly 720 KMH. We just crossed the Atlantic and will land in Atlanta or something in a few hours. Be amazed that this is even a thing![7. Remember when I said I wouldn’t keep times accurate? I’m obviously not on a plane anymore, but just imagine that I am because that would mean I’ve been stuck on a plane for over a week!]

All in all, Worldcon was pretty fantastic. Yeah, there were some snafus and the like (and my leg was in extreme pain for most of it), but I met a bunch of folks, caught up with folks I already knew, and got to hang with my bestestest friend, Jen. And I got to see Dublin. It’s hard to complain too much now, right?

With that in mind, I’ll leave it to the Internets. If you attended Worldcon, what did you think? Did you have a good time? What were some of your favorite panel experiences? What did you see in the city that amazed you? Let me know in the comments!

Oh, and for those that like pictures, here you go:

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  And I'm back on the blog talking about stuff. Today's post takes a look at my experiences at Worldcon 77 in Dublin! Enjoy the rambles! I am on my way home from Dublin OR have already arrived. Like science fiction, my future is fundamentally about the present. 

#Conventions #Dublin #Tourism #Travels #Worldcon #Worldcon 77

[samanthasroberts]

5 Celebrities Who Did Crazy Scummy (And Underreported) Stuff

Maybe you’ve seen a picture of Justin Timberlake eating an apple and thought, “The stars, they’re just like us!” And while it’s true that some celebrities have apples like us — like we normal folk do for every single meal — some of them might be legitimately unhinged. Here are several ludicrous incidents wherein the stars were quite decidedly not like us.

5

50 Cent Bullied An Autistic Airline Employee

You’d think that after owning more bullet wounds than hit albums, 50 Cent (aka Curtis James Jackson III) would be a little more judicious in his dealings with strangers. But back in 2016, as he was apparently looking for ways to stave off boredom in the Cincinnati Airport, he noticed something fishy about one of the young maintenance workers. He seemed almost high, like the kind you might get from drugs — or as they’re called on the street, reefers.

50 leapt into action! No, he didn’t contact a supervisor to let them know their employee was on drugs; he got out his phone and followed the man around so he could mock him on Instagram. Hilarious, right? A drug user? At an AIRPORT!? It quickly went viral, but not in the way he was expecting.

The employee, a young man named Andrew Farrell, did his best to ignore Mr. Cent as he pointed his phone at him and lamented how “crazy” the younger generation is. He wondered aloud to his Instagram followers, “What kind of shit you think he took before he got to work today?” Sadly, this was the sort of abuse that Mr. Farrell had become accustomed to over the years. Because Mr. Farrell is not a drug addict — he’s autistic. Yes, 50 Cent was harassing and publicly humiliating a stranger because of a developmental disorder, not a drug habit.

Before our president made mocking the disabled a partisan issue, everyone agreed this was terrible. Fans were outraged, and liquor stores threatened to stop selling the faded rap star’s “Effen Vodka” brand of booze.

Effen Vodka“Effen” is, of course, a Dutch children’s game about number guessing. Wait, unless 50 Cent meant it like “Fuckin’ Vodka”? Oh 50, that’s naughty!

Read Next

The Hidden Connection Between 'Ghostbusters' And The Remake

As uniquely awful as this seems, it wasn’t the first time Jackson did something like this. Or even the second. A few years before, he’d landed in hot water after telling someone on Twitter “Just saw your picture fool you look autistic.” He ended another social media discussion by saying, “I don’t want no special ed kids on my timeline follow some body else.” It’s all very disappointing when someone unfairly derides another’s cognitive differences. Especially when that someone is the sort of person who claims bankruptcy while simultaneously posting photos of himself wallowing on a Scrooge-McDuck-sized pile of fake money. Maybe next time, try renting a conscience instead of a Rolex and a pile of money, Mr. Cent.

4

Both Akon And Afroman Savagely Attacked Fans On Stage

There’s an unspoken (and also very spoken) rule that you don’t get up on the stage when someone is performing. You can throw your panties and flowers, but hardly ever your beer, and never your throwing stars. When you violate these rules, you will get violently grabbed and thrown out on your ass. That’s exactly what happened to a fan at an Akon concert, only not the way you may think.

It was between songs, and Akon seemed to be doing some light crowd work. He took his shirt off and pulled an eager fan up on stage. It wasn’t a hot girl, as you’d expect a freshly shirtless singer to select. It was a nerdy guy in glasses and cargo shorts, and Akon immediately grabbed him by the dick, flung him up on his shoulders, and heaved him into the crowd. He did this not so much in a fun crowd-surfing arc, but at a low angle, directly into a pocket of girls extremely unprepared to catch a 150-pound projectile. The fan ate what most onlookers would call total shit. You can watch it here:

You’re not allowed to body-slam people to near death, even if they seemed like they were asking for it, so Akon was fined $350 and sentenced to 65 hours of community service. The stars, they are not just like us.

A strangely similar but way, way less cool incident happened at an Afroman show. Afroman was on stage playing guitar when a female fan jumped up and started stumbling around with her drink. For 10 or 15 seconds, she danced behind Afroman while he ignored her. Oh my god, can you believe how crazy she was being, you guys!?

Emboldened by the club’s lack of security, she started inching closer to Afroman. Oh my god, you guys, she was going to rub her butt on him! Can you believe how crazy she was being!? But then she finally did. Her butt, getting closer and closer to Afroman’s, finally made contact. Afroman reacted like a mousetrap. His right hand came off the guitar strings, formed a fist, and blasted into the intruder’s face.

Afroman went back to playing, disturbingly undisturbed after punching a woman out. A few seconds later, some drunk guy, presumably the disoriented girl’s boyfriend, struggled onto stage. Afroman kept playing, but made it absolutely clear he would be more than happy to fuck up the second entrant into his impromptu gladiator arena. The fan’s disapproving expression quickly changed to the universal gesture for “Whoa, whoa, I’m only here to get this drunk idiot home.” And he did indeed have more important things to worry about, as his drunk, concussed companion was now wandering aimlessly backstage.

It was a bad way to handle a difficult situation placed upon him by a shitty person, but if the world’s worst TV producer created a fight league between drunk women and guitar players twice their size, this would absolutely be the knockout highlight of the year.

3

Justin Bieber Abandoned His Dog, And His Backup Dancer Had To Pay For Its Surgery

Justin Bieber has a love/hate relationship with animals. He loves getting them and taking pictures with them, and he hates feeding them, taking care of them, and generally keeping them alive. Last year, C.J. Salvador, one of Bieber’s dancers, gave the famously irresponsible singer a puppy. Naturally, it didn’t work out so well. A routine checkup found that the puppy had severe hip dysplasia and may not be able to walk unless an $8,000 procedure was performed. Bieber didn’t want to pay for this, despite that amount literally not registering as money to him, because you should never underestimate a shitty human’s capacity for awfulness.

Justin Bieber“Sorry dude, but you know how many [current fad bullshit item]s I can buy with that?”

Salvador mounted a scrappy fundraising effort for the puppy’s surgery himself. He managed to secure over 90 donors to help Todd the dog walk again, and Bieber’s animal kill count did not grow. “At least for now,” Bieber added from the shadows. “At least for now.”

2

Vince Neil Body-Slammed a Woman Because She Snubbed Him For Nicolas Cage

As the frontman for Motley Crue, Vince Neil has had many encounters with women. In fact, mathematically speaking, 17 percent of all people reading this have Neil DNA in them, or possibly just on them. But this dude …

Elektra Records

… is well into his 50s now, so you’d think he would have mellowed out some. But no. A couple of years ago in Vegas, a woman was taking a picture with Neil when she saw Nicolas Cage. She screamed, “Nicolas, I love you!” and ran for Cage, abandoning poor Neil for a younger model — a practice he was well used to being on the other side of. Neil did what any insecure, doughy man in eyeliner would do: He grabbed her by the hair and threw her to the ground. We believe it was Archimedes who said, “Give me an innocent lady’s ponytail long enough, and I can assault the world.”

Cage sprung into action. He seized Neil in a wrestler’s clinch and screamed into his ear, “Stop this SHIT! NOW!” Cage isn’t sure what that phrase means, but it’s what his agent says to him every time he attaches himself to a project.

Neil initially deflected the allegations, saying he merely “pushed past her,” but when he realized the offense could land him up to six months in prison, he pleaded guilty. The story has a happy ending, though. Neil was forced to pay a $1,000 fine and agree to six months of not beating up random women for shockingly pathetic reasons. Oh, we meant a happy ending for Vince Neil, not the woman or the concept of justice in general.

1

Aaron Eckhart Crashed A Support Group For Grieving Parents

Aaron Eckhart, known for his portrayals of Harvey Dent and Sexy Frankenstein, needed to get deep into the emotions of a grieving father for a role. Most actors would consider what they know about sadness and then try to act sad, but Eckart knew it would take more. So he went to a support group for grieving parents and pretended his kid died.

Lionsgate“So in this scene, I’m supposed to have half a face? Well off comes half my face, then!”

We understand every artist has their own ways of working, and maybe faking a dead kid is what he needed to do. But when Eckhart did an interview on Howard Stern’s show, it seemed like he genuinely forgot other people’s for-real kids died.

We learn that when it was his turn to share, Eckhart described his character and broke down in tears, and was then consoled by the group of legitimately bereaved people over the loss of his pretend movie baby. Stern, to his credit, offered Eckhart a lifeline by asking if he later felt bad about doing it. Eckhart did not take the lifeline. In fact, he burned the lifeline and scattered its ashes into the wind. He said, “you really believe that you just lost a child. You are as close to reality in that sense as possible. I don’t want to be rude to people who have lost a child, but yeah, you feel right there. You feel like your character.”

OK, Aaron Eckhart made the reprehensible choice to go into a room with people who had real emotional problems and made them comfort him over a fake dead kid. And he doesn’t feel bad about it. But at least we got the legendary and beloved film Rabbit Hole out of it, right? We all saw and loved … Rabbit Hole? Yeah, it was all worth it for Rabbit Hole.

Greg Tuff has a Twitter, and recommends you check out his friends at Bush Gang Gaming on YouTube. Michael Battaglino is a contributor to Cracked.com. Be sure to check out some of his other work if you enjoyed this article.

Nic Cage has been in some crummy flicks, but he was in a pretty good one already in 2018 called Mom and Dad that’s worth checking out.

If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/5-celebrities-who-did-crazy-scummy-and-underreported-stuff/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/09/01/5-celebrities-who-did-crazy-scummy-and-underreported-stuff/

[adambstingus]

5 Celebrities Who Did Crazy Scummy (And Underreported) Stuff

Maybe you’ve seen a picture of Justin Timberlake eating an apple and thought, “The stars, they’re just like us!” And while it’s true that some celebrities have apples like us — like we normal folk do for every single meal — some of them might be legitimately unhinged. Here are several ludicrous incidents wherein the stars were quite decidedly not like us.

5

50 Cent Bullied An Autistic Airline Employee

You’d think that after owning more bullet wounds than hit albums, 50 Cent (aka Curtis James Jackson III) would be a little more judicious in his dealings with strangers. But back in 2016, as he was apparently looking for ways to stave off boredom in the Cincinnati Airport, he noticed something fishy about one of the young maintenance workers. He seemed almost high, like the kind you might get from drugs — or as they’re called on the street, reefers.

50 leapt into action! No, he didn’t contact a supervisor to let them know their employee was on drugs; he got out his phone and followed the man around so he could mock him on Instagram. Hilarious, right? A drug user? At an AIRPORT!? It quickly went viral, but not in the way he was expecting.

The employee, a young man named Andrew Farrell, did his best to ignore Mr. Cent as he pointed his phone at him and lamented how “crazy” the younger generation is. He wondered aloud to his Instagram followers, “What kind of shit you think he took before he got to work today?” Sadly, this was the sort of abuse that Mr. Farrell had become accustomed to over the years. Because Mr. Farrell is not a drug addict — he’s autistic. Yes, 50 Cent was harassing and publicly humiliating a stranger because of a developmental disorder, not a drug habit.

Before our president made mocking the disabled a partisan issue, everyone agreed this was terrible. Fans were outraged, and liquor stores threatened to stop selling the faded rap star’s “Effen Vodka” brand of booze.

Effen Vodka“Effen” is, of course, a Dutch children’s game about number guessing. Wait, unless 50 Cent meant it like “Fuckin’ Vodka”? Oh 50, that’s naughty!

Read Next

The Hidden Connection Between ‘Ghostbusters’ And The Remake

As uniquely awful as this seems, it wasn’t the first time Jackson did something like this. Or even the second. A few years before, he’d landed in hot water after telling someone on Twitter “Just saw your picture fool you look autistic.” He ended another social media discussion by saying, “I don’t want no special ed kids on my timeline follow some body else.” It’s all very disappointing when someone unfairly derides another’s cognitive differences. Especially when that someone is the sort of person who claims bankruptcy while simultaneously posting photos of himself wallowing on a Scrooge-McDuck-sized pile of fake money. Maybe next time, try renting a conscience instead of a Rolex and a pile of money, Mr. Cent.

4

Both Akon And Afroman Savagely Attacked Fans On Stage

There’s an unspoken (and also very spoken) rule that you don’t get up on the stage when someone is performing. You can throw your panties and flowers, but hardly ever your beer, and never your throwing stars. When you violate these rules, you will get violently grabbed and thrown out on your ass. That’s exactly what happened to a fan at an Akon concert, only not the way you may think.

It was between songs, and Akon seemed to be doing some light crowd work. He took his shirt off and pulled an eager fan up on stage. It wasn’t a hot girl, as you’d expect a freshly shirtless singer to select. It was a nerdy guy in glasses and cargo shorts, and Akon immediately grabbed him by the dick, flung him up on his shoulders, and heaved him into the crowd. He did this not so much in a fun crowd-surfing arc, but at a low angle, directly into a pocket of girls extremely unprepared to catch a 150-pound projectile. The fan ate what most onlookers would call total shit. You can watch it here:

You’re not allowed to body-slam people to near death, even if they seemed like they were asking for it, so Akon was fined $350 and sentenced to 65 hours of community service. The stars, they are not just like us.

A strangely similar but way, way less cool incident happened at an Afroman show. Afroman was on stage playing guitar when a female fan jumped up and started stumbling around with her drink. For 10 or 15 seconds, she danced behind Afroman while he ignored her. Oh my god, can you believe how crazy she was being, you guys!?

Emboldened by the club’s lack of security, she started inching closer to Afroman. Oh my god, you guys, she was going to rub her butt on him! Can you believe how crazy she was being!? But then she finally did. Her butt, getting closer and closer to Afroman’s, finally made contact. Afroman reacted like a mousetrap. His right hand came off the guitar strings, formed a fist, and blasted into the intruder’s face.

Afroman went back to playing, disturbingly undisturbed after punching a woman out. A few seconds later, some drunk guy, presumably the disoriented girl’s boyfriend, struggled onto stage. Afroman kept playing, but made it absolutely clear he would be more than happy to fuck up the second entrant into his impromptu gladiator arena. The fan’s disapproving expression quickly changed to the universal gesture for “Whoa, whoa, I’m only here to get this drunk idiot home.” And he did indeed have more important things to worry about, as his drunk, concussed companion was now wandering aimlessly backstage.

It was a bad way to handle a difficult situation placed upon him by a shitty person, but if the world’s worst TV producer created a fight league between drunk women and guitar players twice their size, this would absolutely be the knockout highlight of the year.

3

Justin Bieber Abandoned His Dog, And His Backup Dancer Had To Pay For Its Surgery

Justin Bieber has a love/hate relationship with animals. He loves getting them and taking pictures with them, and he hates feeding them, taking care of them, and generally keeping them alive. Last year, C.J. Salvador, one of Bieber’s dancers, gave the famously irresponsible singer a puppy. Naturally, it didn’t work out so well. A routine checkup found that the puppy had severe hip dysplasia and may not be able to walk unless an $8,000 procedure was performed. Bieber didn’t want to pay for this, despite that amount literally not registering as money to him, because you should never underestimate a shitty human’s capacity for awfulness.

Justin Bieber“Sorry dude, but you know how many [current fad bullshit item]s I can buy with that?”

Salvador mounted a scrappy fundraising effort for the puppy’s surgery himself. He managed to secure over 90 donors to help Todd the dog walk again, and Bieber’s animal kill count did not grow. “At least for now,” Bieber added from the shadows. “At least for now.”

2

Vince Neil Body-Slammed a Woman Because She Snubbed Him For Nicolas Cage

As the frontman for Motley Crue, Vince Neil has had many encounters with women. In fact, mathematically speaking, 17 percent of all people reading this have Neil DNA in them, or possibly just on them. But this dude …

Elektra Records

… is well into his 50s now, so you’d think he would have mellowed out some. But no. A couple of years ago in Vegas, a woman was taking a picture with Neil when she saw Nicolas Cage. She screamed, “Nicolas, I love you!” and ran for Cage, abandoning poor Neil for a younger model — a practice he was well used to being on the other side of. Neil did what any insecure, doughy man in eyeliner would do: He grabbed her by the hair and threw her to the ground. We believe it was Archimedes who said, “Give me an innocent lady’s ponytail long enough, and I can assault the world.”

Cage sprung into action. He seized Neil in a wrestler’s clinch and screamed into his ear, “Stop this SHIT! NOW!” Cage isn’t sure what that phrase means, but it’s what his agent says to him every time he attaches himself to a project.

Neil initially deflected the allegations, saying he merely “pushed past her,” but when he realized the offense could land him up to six months in prison, he pleaded guilty. The story has a happy ending, though. Neil was forced to pay a $1,000 fine and agree to six months of not beating up random women for shockingly pathetic reasons. Oh, we meant a happy ending for Vince Neil, not the woman or the concept of justice in general.

1

Aaron Eckhart Crashed A Support Group For Grieving Parents

Aaron Eckhart, known for his portrayals of Harvey Dent and Sexy Frankenstein, needed to get deep into the emotions of a grieving father for a role. Most actors would consider what they know about sadness and then try to act sad, but Eckart knew it would take more. So he went to a support group for grieving parents and pretended his kid died.

Lionsgate“So in this scene, I’m supposed to have half a face? Well off comes half my face, then!”

We understand every artist has their own ways of working, and maybe faking a dead kid is what he needed to do. But when Eckhart did an interview on Howard Stern’s show, it seemed like he genuinely forgot other people’s for-real kids died.

We learn that when it was his turn to share, Eckhart described his character and broke down in tears, and was then consoled by the group of legitimately bereaved people over the loss of his pretend movie baby. Stern, to his credit, offered Eckhart a lifeline by asking if he later felt bad about doing it. Eckhart did not take the lifeline. In fact, he burned the lifeline and scattered its ashes into the wind. He said, “you really believe that you just lost a child. You are as close to reality in that sense as possible. I don’t want to be rude to people who have lost a child, but yeah, you feel right there. You feel like your character.”

OK, Aaron Eckhart made the reprehensible choice to go into a room with people who had real emotional problems and made them comfort him over a fake dead kid. And he doesn’t feel bad about it. But at least we got the legendary and beloved film Rabbit Hole out of it, right? We all saw and loved … Rabbit Hole? Yeah, it was all worth it for Rabbit Hole.

Greg Tuff has a Twitter, and recommends you check out his friends at Bush Gang Gaming on YouTube. Michael Battaglino is a contributor to Cracked.com. Be sure to check out some of his other work if you enjoyed this article.

Nic Cage has been in some crummy flicks, but he was in a pretty good one already in 2018 called Mom and Dad that’s worth checking out.

If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-celebrities-who-did-crazy-scummy-and-underreported-stuff/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/177604784842

[nancydhooper]

Randazza: Trump, Twitter, The NFL, and Everything

By Marc J. Randazza

The NFL says that players must stand (or remain in the locker room) during the National Anthem. No more "taking a knee." In the same week, Trump lost a case that says that the "interactive space" in his tweets is a "public forum" and thus he can't block people who criticize him. And, perhaps I did too much LSD in the 80s and 90s, but I see the two as intertwined. The real problem we have is that freedom of expression is the crown jewel in the American enlightenment, but that jewel is tarnished by the fact that our public square is increasingly privately owned. Privatization of the "public square" threatens to render the First Amendment meaningless.

We gotta fix that – or the First Amendment will only really exist in a few tiny spaces — "free speech zones" surrounded (literally or figuratively) by fences to keep the nasty stuff inside.

The NFL

The whole "take a knee" thing needs little explanation. Starting in 2016, some NFL players protested racial inequality in policing by taking a knee during the national anthem before games. The protests began with San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick who initially sat during the anthem. He then had a talk with Nate Boyer, a veteran and former NFL player, who convinced him that sitting during the Anthem was disrespectful. However, the two agreed that taking a knee was a more reverent way to get the same message across.

Personally, I find the whole thing rather ineffective. Take a knee, don't take a knee. Nobody ever changed their mind about how cops behave or racism or anything over an NFL player taking a knee. But that isn't the test for whether the speech has value.

I may find the protest foolish, but I respect the hell out of Kaepernick for doing it. I support any player who wants to do it. If there's one thing that is supposed to differentiate the USA from the rest of the world, it is our purple-mountains-star-spangled commitment to freedom of expression. The second most patriotic thing we have is the National Football League.

Don't start with me with baseball, a boring ass adaptation of a crumpet-eating fairy-assed game from England that is primarily played by Dominicans. Basketball? Yeah, we invented it, but at its core it is a stupid game. Sure, we're the goddamn best at it, and unless we're playing it against the Croatians, we're going to win 101 times out of 100. The Canadians may have a "football league," but it would more appropriately be called the NFL's recycling bin. No other country even tries to compete with us in football. It is America's game. So it goddamn ought to reflect American values, as best it can.

Allowing protest and dissent ought to be ingrained at a chromosomal level if you think that you're amber-waves-of-grain entitled to wave the red, white, and blue.

So fuck the NFL for this policy.

And let me slap you across the face right now if you're starting with a comment like "well actually the NFL is a private employer, so it can have any policy it wants." This morning, I downed an entire mug of espresso, and 10 minutes later I took a huge shit that knows more about Constitutional law than you and your entire family ever will.

This isn't about what the NFL can do, it is about what it ought to do.

And dammit, the NFL ought to let its players take a fucking knee if they want to.

I will go get that shit out of the toilet and throw it at you, as if I were a caged chimp, if you start with the "oh, the NFL policy is just like Nazi Germany!" If that's your view, then correct it in the next 3 minutes, or you get sterilized when I am dictator. No, no, no, no, you fucking imbecile. Sure, Trump has expressed his view that you should "get out of America" if you don't stand for the anthem. That is a dumb-ass-moron position. But, it is hardly the government extending its hand down and pressing on the scale.

Do you think NFL players should shut up and do their job? Ok, fair enough. But, what makes you think that an NFL player can't be a voice of moral leadership? Remember Chris Kluwe? Back before it was cool to say you were in favor of gay rights, Kluwe had the balls to stand up and voice his support (I respected him for that). Did it matter? I think it did. Kluwe doesn't say much now, except for stalking articles about me, whining about who my clients are. Whatever, Kluwe, start shit with me and I'll just have my friend, Mercedes Carrera, intellectually kick your ass again.

But back to the subject at hand: If you think that the players ought to shut up and do their jobs and keep politics out of football, then lets try that.

No, lets really try that.

In 2015, Arizona Sens. Jeff Flake (R) and John McCain (R) revealed in a joint oversight report that nearly $5.4 million in taxpayer dollars had been paid out to 14 NFL teams between 2011 and 2014 to honor service members and put on elaborate, “patriotic salutes” to the military. Overall, they reported, “these displays of paid patriotism [were] included within the $6.8 million that the Department of Defense (DOD) [had] spent on sports marketing contracts since fiscal year 2012.” (source) (other source) (other source)

The NFL took millions of dollars in propaganda money from the military. So the WHOLE FUCKING THING is one big ball of political propaganda. At least the kneelers are honest and open about it. You fucking rubes who stand up during the anthem don't even remember that it wasn't even a thing until 2009. And, can someone remind me who was president during 2011 and 2014 when we were shoveling barrels full of taxpayer dollars into the pockets of billionaires to make sure that the uneducated slobs in the stands were sufficiently reminded of the message that "America" means bombing the living shit out of people thousands of miles away?

So lets put a pin in that… millions of taxpayer dollars flowing toward the NFL for propaganda purposes. And lets add in the billions that the NFL and its teams get in taxpayer subsidies.

Twitter (and all of Silicon Valley) – the New Censorship

After the 2016 election, the Left freaked the fuck out. Quite honestly, none of us thought Trump could be elected. And the morning after, the Trump derangement syndrome set in. Nowhere did it set in more heavily than in Silicon Valley. So, the platforms immediately got to work making sure that they did their part to ensure that we would have a "blue wave" washing away our sins. They got to work banning anyone perceived as "alt-right." It started with literal Nazis, and then it continued to those who might associate with them, to others who simply harbored conservative views. All of this was under the opaque guise of "safety."

It was all bullshit, and we all knew it. If you didn't know it, you were willfully blind.

I don't have a lot of love for Richard Spencer's speech. I don't even like Andrew Anglin's speech, and I'm his goddamn lawyer. I do like Milo Yiannopolous, but that's beside the point. The point is that they started with speakers that would be easy to ban — speakers who lots of people disliked. And they proved that there wasn't a goddamn thing we could do about it.

And very few people saw this as the alarming move that it was. But, as Twitter, Facebook, GoDaddy, PayPal, Stripe, etc. all got into line — shaving off a large percentage of right wing speech, the left cheered. Yay! Maybe we can win next time! Yay Resistance! Go fuck yourselves — you're not a member of any "resistance" unless you just might get captured or killed — and you're certainly not part of any "Resistance" when you control most of the new public square, and you use that virtually monopolistic power to shut down debate.

The fact is, Twitter, Facebook, and Google are the new public squares, and that gives them incredible power. And they are using that power exactly the way a power-drunk dictator would use it — to try and suppress speech they don't like. If you're on the Right, you bemoan. If you are on the Left, you're probably cheering it (just the opposite of the tribal alignment on the NFL issue). But, if you're on the Left and you're cheering it, you're also probably the kind of person who would let a rabid chimp out of its cage if you thought it would tear off your enemy's face — not realizing that it will also turn on you and rip your face off, and your balls, and then probably sodomize you as it ate the back of your head.

Because one day, the CEO of Facebook, Twitter, Amazon, or Google is going to want to run for president. And then, you fucking idiots, they'll have nothing stopping them from suppressing any and all speech that supports their opponents. You'll have the equivalent of Silvio Berlusconi buying power by owning all the private networks.

A few of us see this danger. That's why I volunteered to work on a case for Jared Taylor, suing Twitter for banning him. Twitter filed an Anti-SLAPP motion, and we just got our opposition in. (Complaint, Memo ISO Anti-SLAPP, Opposition to Anti-SLAPP). The case went pretty well so far – if you want to read the transcript, here it is. At least one judge found that the suit has some merit — at least enough to move forward.

Naturally, many have criticized the case — especially since there are many who find Section 230 to be something worthy of religious devotion.

Section 230, for the uninitiated, is a law that was passed during the Clinton administration, which gives Silicon Valley immunity from virtually all lawsuits based on content provided by others. This is why you can post something obviously defamatory on Twitter, and even if Twitter knows it is defamatory and knows it is harming you, it can, and will, say "Fuck you, See 47 U.S.C. § 230."

Now when the Silicon Valley giants said "Fuck you, Section 230" in the past, it at least had some semblance of philosophical honesty in it. Until recently, Silicon Valley loved freedom of speech. The whole promise of the Internet was that we were going to see an explosion of diversity of thought. For a brief period, we did. Some of it was awesome — and some of it was not. We got more porn, more humor, more political engagement, Mr. Spock Ate My Balls, and we also got racist websites, sexist websites, and every other kind of scoundrel online that we could think of. But, we all expected that the marketplace of ideas would flourish. I would like to say it did.

Then came 2016.

In the lead up to the election and in the aftermath of it, the Left lost its fucking mind. Campuses went into overdrive banning speech they didn't like, and Silicon Valley gleefully followed suit. And we on the Left, who once hated corporations and hated the control they might have had over the market, cheered. (I didn't, but as a Leftist myself, I have to accept guilt for my tribe's sins).

Might Trump's Thin Skin Save Us?

Trump is the first "Twitter President." It makes me want to bash my head into the wall to type those words, but here we are.

He got sued for blocking critics on Twitter, and much to my surprise, a judge in the Southern District of New York held that Twitter is a "public forum" — well, at least in part. You see, she couldn't bear to actually rule that Twitter is a new public forum. I think it is. My view is consistent with the old Pruneyard decision. Pruneyard Shopping Center v. Robins, 447 U.S. 74 (1980). In that case, since the California constitution has an affirmative right to free speech, it could be interpreted as requiring private property owners to allow petitioning on their property, if it is a public space. This decision is not without its detractors. If you're a private property rights guy, you might hate this decision — because it does force a private property owner to allow speech it doesn't like on its private property. But, I think that if free speech means anything, it can't simply be the victim of progress moving the town square to an enclosed shopping mall, or even online.

The judge in the Trump case held:

we consider whether forum doctrine can be appropriately applied to several aspects of the @realDonaldTrump account rather than the account as a whole: the content of the tweets sent, the timeline comprised of those tweets, the comment threads initiated by each of those tweets, and the “interactive space” associated with each tweet in which other users may directly interact with the content of the tweets by, for example, replying to, retweeting, or liking the tweet. (Op. @ 41)

She had to rule against Trump. So, she created a new "public forum" limited to the comment threads in public officials' twitter feeds.

I think her decision is open to attack. I could see a pretty clean "Twitter isn't a public forum" decision. I could also see "Twitter is a public forum." But, this half-way decision is bullshit. Lets look at it this way: Twitter bans you because you make fun of Leslie Jones' face. Now you're banned also from the "public forum" of your President's tweets. If we were to analogize it, lets say there was a public park, designated for free speech activities. We privatize the area you have to go through to get into the park. The company that owns that area you have to go through just lets anyone go in and out. But, one day they decide that they just don't want to let anyone in who has ever been a proponent of legalizing marijuana, or who claims that there is a "wage gap," or who supports "Black Lives Matter."

Hey, it is a private property owner. Tough shit if they won't let you on their property. The free speech zone is there for you if you can maybe teleport into it.

So, the Trump decision is, perhaps, the crack in the wall. But, that leaves us with the NFL, and it also leaves us with the possibility that the 2d Circuit throws out this intellectually dishonest decision.

We have the power to break this

So what the fuck do we do?

The First Amendment is a wonderful thing, but what happens if the government just decides to give away all its public spaces to corporations and individuals who support its views? Don't laugh… in San Diego, the government let a huge crucifix go up on public land in a clear establishment clause violation. Federal court ruled against the government, so the government "sold" the little circle of land that the cross was on to a private group. Private group then kept the cross up on its land. That was deemed constitutional by a three member panel of the 9th Circuit.

So how do we fix it?

How about the First Amendment restoration act?

"No private entity may receive any governmental funds nor receive any statutory immunity unless it agrees to be bound by the First Amendment as if it were a government actor."

Why not?

Imagine if the NFL had to choose between receiving taxpayer funds or allowing its players to exercise their First Amendment rights. Imagine if Facebook had to choose between Section 230 immunity and incorporating the First Amendment into its terms and conditions.

Imagine if the First Amendment got the shot in the arm that it desperately needs.

Are there problems to be worked out here? You bet. How would I apply this to the comments section here, at Popehat? Maybe that's a bit too small of an actor to be subject to this Act? I've run this by some smart people — one suggested having it only apply to any companies that might be publicly traded or federally or state regulated. That way we would have just the giants, banks, etc. That might work.

What is clear is that what we have now is a road toward disaster. Because these private constraints on public speech are getting worse, more opaque, and more restrictive — and if we don't do something soon, we won't ever be able to get a handle on it.

And then you'll be left with a First Amendment that only applies in the gazebo in your public park, on alternate Thursdays.

Copyright 2017 by the named Popehat author. from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8247012 https://www.popehat.com/2018/06/19/randazza-trump-twitter-the-nfl-and-everything/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[powerranks]

Power Ranks: Week 3

This week in the NFL was slightly depressing for me, and it wasn’t just because I got my ass handed to me by Dyl. I’ve wanted to sort of share my thoughts on the protests through some sort of outlet, and I guess I’ll do it here, as briefly as I can since this isn’t why you guys read this. If you really don’t want to, you can skip the next two paragraphs. 

Trump, among other things, is a racist prick. However, I think he knew what he was doing when he started attacking the NFL. He (and the media) have turned what was originally Kaepernick’s protest against racial inequality into “NFL players against the flag”, all while taking attention away from the fact that his shitty attempt to take away healthcare failed. It’s really hard to get so much wrong in a four word headline, but headlines on major news outlets read “NFL protests American Flag”. What the fuck is that? Trump literally took all attention from the point of the protest and made it a race/patriotic thing, despite saying it wasn’t about race.. Twitter arguments on the subject are absurdly revealing of closeted racists that now have a reason to speak up (this sentence can be said about the entire Trump administration), and I’m sure you guys have seen the videos of people burning their NFL jerseys and swearing off the league. A bar owner in Minnesota made the doormat into his bar out of jerseys that read “Lynch Kaepernick”. This is pathetic and sad, and it’s even sadder that I could go on. I think this is what Trump aimed to do. The people angry about the protest are the people that are missing the point, or ignoring it because of their own racist agenda. Lots of bad things have come out of this, but I hope we can focus on the positives, which is that this has sparked a national discussion that you can’t be on the fence about. (Sorry Drew Brees, you sounded like an asshole when you tip toed on the fence.) Nothing will change unless something like this happens, and I’m glad that a unified showing against the bullshit intimidation methods of an attention seeking president who’s done everything in his power to make activism in the NFL about him might start a revolution.

It’s absolutely insane to me that the most influential athlete of the past year wasn’t seen Sunday, but it was incredible seeing that his presence was so strongly felt. It’s clear he’s being blackballed, but with every passing day that we talk about the reason he’s being blackballed, Kaepernick won. I guess the point of this little write up is to not forget the point of the protest. White privilege and systemic racism exist, kneeling during the anthem does not equal disrespect to the flag or soldiers, and the more we talk about it the better. Contrary to the people burning their jerseys and season tickets, I’ll watch the absolute shit out of the NFL now. I know that I usually don’t talk about anything that actually matters with you guys so this might be weird or uncomfortable to hear, I just needed to share some thoughts.

P.S.: HOW FUCKING WILD WOULD THIS WHOLE PROTEST THING BE WITH DAN AROUND? I MIGHT’VE ACTUALLY KICKED HIS ASS. SHOUTOUT ALEX FOR SAYING SOMETHING TO THE GUY.

Scott Team Update : 6-3. I will continue to post this until the Scott trifecta is under .500.

Reminder: the number I give you doesn’t matter as much as the tier I put you in, I don’t see a big difference between teams in a tier other than small details.

The “literally every draft pick I made was perfect and I have the midas touch” tier

1. Scott’s Balls 12-11-16 (Anthony “it’s been golden boy bullshit for a year and a half now, i hope karma comes and fucking stabs your cocky, complaining about Ben Watson garbage time touchdowns when literally everyone on your team has 239487239847 points, saying you could lose when Alex has Carr and Lynch when you’re up 75 ass face” Mendola) (3-0) (LW:1)

I’m not actually that mad, I’m man enough to admit its jealousy. Your team is good, I’m not sure how much I can write about it considering it’s been the same formula for three weeks, Cam sucking, Kareem Hunt 60 yard touchdowns, Chris Hogan bullshit, Gronk fucking the football, and your WR2 always doing well. (Geronimo fucking ALLISON). I’m still not 100 percent sold on the receivers, but Hogan looks for real at this point. Enjoy it while it lasts my dude. 

2. Fournette About It (Jack “closeted viking fan, non closeted clown porn enthusiast” Cleek) (2-1) (LW: 3)

I really believe in this team now that it’s been proven that the skill position guys are QB proof. When you can sustain four fantasy relevant people with Case Keenum, you know you can start any of the Vikings any given week. When you thrive with Jared Goff and Bazooka Blake Bortles as the people handing off to you, you can do anything. I like the addition of Nick Swardson, and if you could find a QB you’re never gonna lose again (other than the Vikings bye week)

The “This is a whole tier of above average inconsistent garbage” tier

3. Hammer (Tony “He’s back!” Mendola) (1-2) (LW: 7)

I know, I know, this is a meteoric rise from 7, but Tony’s team has gotten better every week, and over the course of the years there hasn’t been a single person better than him at identifying the random, shitty dudes who get 10 a week. Brady is back to being Brady, Devonta Freeman looks like a steal at the 8th pick, T.Y. showed he might be able to do something with Brissett, and Jared Cook is this year’s Richard Rodgers, the tight end Tony starts and just always gets 8. Going forward, this team should be just fine, especially if Chris Thompson can keep producing at this rate for a few more weeks.

4. Aegon Targaryen M’FVCKA (Alex “weirdly been quiet” Ahn) (2-1) (LW: 2)

I’m not sure if you’ve been quiet because nobody’s accepting trades, or you just don’t talk to me specifically because I just laugh at all the trade offers, but its been a strange start of the season, I almost miss the crappy trade offers because it at least made us talk. Anyways, nobody can really blame you for losing to Anthony’s golden boy bullshit, but your team did REALLY bad last week. The main reason you’re dropping down to 4 is that Lynch, the Crow, and your QB’s just don’t look consistent. Jeffery (maybe) and Tyreek are gonna be just fine, and Elliott is Elliott, but the rest of your team doesn’t really look good or bad, just kinda meh. It’s a good team that needs to find consistency. That being said, I’m calling it now, Matt Ryan reads these and he’s gonna drop 400 yards and 3 TD’s on my ass for suggesting he’s gonna keep regressing. 

5. Rick and Jordy (Chris “also should kinda change the name” Gatzow)    (1-2) (LW:4) 

You’re only in dead last place because of how weird the victories have been this year, but I still think your team is about average. I’m a lot lower on it than I was at the beginning of the year, but only because so many guys haven’t shown up yet. Julio has had the yurds, but not the touchdowns. Baldwin only looked good because Wilson put up a shitload of garbage time points. T West doesn’t look nearly as good as he did at the beginning of the season. Delanie Walker is having a down year because of how many weapons that Tennessee offense has. I’m not sure if Cooper and Howard are gonna get 0 or 20 on any given week. This tier was full of inconsistent teams that I think are okay, and your team is the most inconsistent of the bunch in my opinion. 

6. Don’t Trust a Younghoe (Dylan “name change time now?” Jessop) (1-2) (LW: 8)

Dropping Younghoe might’ve been the best thing you did (You’re welcome bitch) since Succop looks legit this year. Your record and points scored don’t suggest you should be this high, but holy shit I don’t think that many people know about how much points you’ve left on your bench, I know part of that is your own foolish decisions, but had you been starting the right dudes you may be the second or third highest scorer. I think the longer the year goes on, the more you’ll figure your own team out. This team is deep as hell. You’re sitting Michael Crabtree AND Gilislee this week, that’s impressive as hell. If CJ and Demarco can get slightly more consistent, you’re gonna be scary, Watkins dropping that low looks scary now.

7. Mixon it Up (Alec “Chris really ruined this and made me write so much more on these rankings by losing, and also ruined an amazing meme that nobody’s gonna see now” Bernstein (1-2) (LW:9)

Alright, the joke and tier is over. I really was doing it only because you talked shit about your ranking, and I was TOTALLY right for the first two weeks. But last week was more along the lines of what I think you envisioned with your team. Granted, Wilson only got his points because it was garbage time and they needed to come back, but he got 35 nonetheless. Lamar Miller, as we’ve said, will get 8 or 9 a week but he’s not gonna let you down. Mixon looks like he’s on the upswing. Green/Beckham, for as bad as they had been before this week, are about as scary a duo as you can have at WR. Eifert dying sucks, but Graham is such a nice fantasy tight end and I’m upset nobody else got him/someone dropped him in the first place (cough cough ALEx). I still don’t think your team is good, but it deserves to be in this tier just because it’s shown you can break 100. That’s more than...

The teams that can’t break 100 or even 90 can say tier

8. Scott’s Penis (David “slowly realizing I used 100% of my luck the year i won” Chinchilla) (1-2) (LW: 6)

I’m only ranking myself 8 because I’m the only one of the remaining teams that’s broken 90. Dyl hasn’t broken 90 either, but he’s left like 2903847298347 points on his bench so he deserves a bit more than this embarrassment down here. I don’t even know what to say. QB is so bleak without Luck that I just dropped Jared Goff and picked up Trevor Siemian and felt like that was an upgrade, how sad would that sentence have been last year? Hyde is my only good player, Ajayi and McCoy are in bad situations (McCoy especially, the Bills REFUSE to give that guy the ball inside the 45 yard line) and my receivers are just so MEH. I have no faith in any of my receivers getting more than 9, and Reed might’ve ALREADY died for the year. I think my team really really sucks, but not because of a lack of talent, just all my players are on teams that can;t seem to score. I’m finding myself rooting for the other team to do bad more than I am for rooting my team onward to victory.

9. Beshoy and some Backups (Beshoy “Aaron Rodgers vs. The World” Halim) (1-2) (LW:5)

We’ve talked a lot about our teams and while I think your top three are better than my top three, I think the rest of your team is a whole hell of a lot of not number one guys. You get Martin back after this week, but I still have little faith in some of your guys. I think Henry can be for real, that offense might be able to sustain two RB’s, but that remains to be seen. Cohen could be good, but Jordan Howard came back from the dead last week (multiple times). Thielen is always gonna be the #3 red zone target in that offense, but the good thing is that he has a clear yards floor. Idk what Blount will be doing going forward, but at least he’s definitely the battering ram down at the goal line. I really hope this turns around for you, but as of now, much like with my team, things look bleak. 

10. Scott’s Jizz (Scott “just being disrespected at this point” Felgenhauer) (2-1) (LW:10)

I know you’re gonna be upset again, but I don’t know what you want me to say...Ajayi has played in two games and scored less than three in one of those two, and he’d be your second best running back on your team. Dak and Dez have been REALLY nice so far, and I trust Kelce, but everything else on the squad is just such a random dart or a bad player. Mike Thomas finally had his good game, as did Jackson/Dez/Dak and you STILL only scored 80. I am rooting for you and hope you win more games, but I can’t rank you any higher until you get literally anything out of your RB’s.

PICKS

Aegon Targaryen M’FVCKA (Alex) over Scott’s Penis (David)

UPSET SPECIAL BABY VVVVVV

Beshoy and some Backups (Beshoy) over Scott’s Balls 12-11-16 (Anthony)

Hammer (Tony) over Mixon it Up (Alec)

Don’t Trust a Younghoe (Dyl) over Scott’s Jizz (Scott)

Fournette About It (Jack) over Rick and Jordy (Chris)

Last week : 2-3

Season: 100-0 (fuck you guys)

[caredogstips]

Twitter was all all about politics and celebrity spats this week

To announce Twitter became a bit hectic this week is an understatement. Disputes and taking sides went on for the entire seven days, to running high levels of bitterness.

From Trump vs. Hillary to Taylor vs. Kanye to Ghostbusters vs. Hordes of Angry Dudes, Twitter has become as much of a battleground as ever. But thoughts werent all bad, as people got good information from My Chemical Romance and even merrily married their re-tweeters( in one specific case ).

SEE ALSO: Obviously Pokmon Go and Calvin Harris dominated Twitter this week

1. Mike Pence shares a vice-presidential Chili’s lunch

Busy weekend in NY! Experiencing a speedy dinner with the family at @Chilis. Looking forward to getting back to Indiana. pic.twitter.com/ SUFjYcvQpH

Mike Pence (@ mike_pence) July 16, 2016

Like most legislators who receive good information, Mike Pence celebrated following the announcement that he would be actuality TV ace and Republican nominee Donald Trumps pick for vice president.

But unlike most grand galas, it happened at a Chilis restaurant, and the scorning Pence received initiated him to the world of presidential elections, although he most definitely enjoyed his snack. Too, in a creepy construction, his daughters reflection is missing from the mirror.

2. Woman goes wedded through bookstore’s Twitter

Dear reader, I married him #noreally #yeahidunnohoweither pic.twitter.com/ OKuosKzdJL

Victoria (@ VictoriaO_B) July 17, 2016

In 2012, a Twitter user called Victoria Carlin jokingly tweeted that she was in love with whomever was posting nerdy notes on the Waterstones bookstores account.

The Waterstones account responded, and shortly after, Carlin called the bookstore to meet its Tweeter.

One thing led to another and they got married( not Carlin and Waterstones, Carlin and Waterstones employee Jonathan OBrien ).

3. Leslie Jones busts racists and misogynist trolls

Stop saying ignore them or that’s just the way it is. Cause that’s bullshit. Everybody knows an asshole check them for their hate.

Leslie Jones (@ Lesdoggg) July 19, 2016

While Twitter users dissing the all-female Ghostbusters remake for supposedly non-sexist reasonableness is nothing brand-new, thoughts reached a boiling point when various self-appointed guards of the Ghostbusters franchise threw hideously racist and sexist slurs toward actress Leslie Jones, who plays ghostbuster Patty Tolan in the film.

Jones ultimately decided to stop stymie them and start testifying her partisans some of the stupidity molted been receiving.

4. U.K. heat wave melts good manners and this dog

Make sure to keep your dogs chill in the #UKheatwave, otherwise they will thaw. pic.twitter.com/ kgW7ChXElX

Scott Jordan Harris (@ ScottFilmCritic) July 18, 2016

Britain had a particularly red-hot era lately, with temperatures over 30 magnitudes Celsius( which would be around 90 degrees Fahrenheit ). Unprepared for the heat wave, Brits deterred themselves cool by tweeting off steam throughout the day about how miserably red-hot it was.

5. Ruby Rose calls out Kardashian popular children for bullying

@ChloeGMoretz @0hbubbl3s @khloekardashian Yo Khloe I thought you were rad when I matched you but this is awful and this is a 19 year old girl.

Ruby Rose (@ RubyRose) July 18, 2016

While the Taylor Swift v. Kanye West spat has been all-encompassing to its implementation of personalities whove noticed their space into it, frictions reached a strange breaking point when Khloe Kardashian responded to actress Chloe Grace Moretzs sympathetic Swift tweet, and actress Ruby Rose had to step in.

Particularly, Kardashian destroyed any promise of a civil debate by tweeting a nude photo she claimed was Moretz, something Moretz denied. The Orange is the New Black actress decided a grown-up adult bullying the 19 -year-old Moretz swept all sorts of rows, announcing the 32 -year-old Khloes behavior awful.

6. Hillary Clinton recollects being friends with her critics

Senator McConnell can be very complimentarywhen you’re not on the ballot. #RNCinCLE pic.twitter.com/ RA9bCeaDht

Hillary Clinton (@ HillaryClinton) July 20, 2016

With the Republican National Convention in full swing, some speakers have been insulting Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton more often than theyve been praising Trump, perhaps a side effect of Trumps tightened rise to superpower among establishment Republicans.

But Clinton, or rather her social crew, would let the poking go without a reaction. She posted personalized tweets for many of her biggest pundits , noting how they used to praise her before the nasty referendum cycle began.

7. My Chemical Romance posts cryptic release year for … something

pic.twitter.com/ kpr4a 5mu80

My Chemical Romance (@ MCRofficial) July 20, 2016

Rock party My Chemical Romance( lead singer Gerard Way doesnt like to be called emo) tweeted out a cryptic 30 -second video, peculiarity a nondescript flag waving patriotically while the intro to their hymn, Welcome to the Black Parade, plays in the background.

In typical teaser mode, the video ended with the date 9/23/ 16, observing September 23 as apparently the exhaust of a new album. Love unsurprisingly embarked freaking out.

8. X-Files sun find childhood photo of devotee Kate McKinnon

Kate McKinnon, we have something in common& it’s not slimy dark-green happenings. #Ghostbusters #thefutureisfemale pic.twitter.com/ 5m00Xk5CET

Gillian Anderson (@ GillianA) July 18, 2016

Counted amongst the followers of the new Ghostbusters movie is actress Gillian Anderson, famous for playing special agent Dana Scully on The X-Files , who noticed something she has in common with ghostbuster/ comedian Kate McKinnon( who plays Jillian Holtzmann in the movie ).

It is about to change McKinnon was a big X-Files follower back in the working day with her Agent Scully Halloween costume. Perhaps busting specters and immigrants/ the government isnt so different.

9. Garry Marshall is recollected by his Happy Days stars

GARRY MARSHALL Rest In Peace .. Thank you for my professional life. Thank you for your love, friendship and magnanimity.

Henry Winkler (@ hwinkler4real) July 20, 2016

Younger folks may be less familiar with filmmaker Garry Marshall, developer of the iconic 1970 s sitcom Happy Days as well as targeting films like Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts. But numerous, numerous personalities worked with him during his long job, and he received a long list of adoration sendoffs.

One of “the worlds largest” stroking came from performer Henry Winkler, best known as the leather jacket-clad Fonzie on Happy Days, who credited Marshall with helping start his career.

10. #FilmsThatAreCheesy takes happens a tad literally

The hunger plays: Catching Feta #FilmsThatAreCheesy pic.twitter.com/ aeEsLrPuWh

Dee (@ xDeemax) July 21, 2016

On a lighter memo, the week conclude with the trending hashtag Movies That Are Cheesy, which may have originally meant something like shabby movies, but immediately changed course to cheese puns and cheesy photoshops.

Fantastic Bries and Where to Find Them and a glob of feta Photoshopped over Katniss Everdeens face were some of the, ahem, cheesier examples.

Read more:

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[adlezethreal]

1-150 for the ask thing

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? I've never held hands before, with anyone.

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Anxious.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Angela.

4. Are you easy to get along with? Not usually.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Probably.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Pretty much anyone hot and reasonably near my age.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Yeah.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Do you mean crushes? I dont have anyone.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope *Insert lenny face here*

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Don't remember.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Probably something along the lines of "OH FUCK"

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? The Nobodies (Marilyn Manson), Pain (Three Days Grace), Blow Me Wide Open (Saint Asonia), Superbeast (Rob Zombie)

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? No. Get the fuck out of my house.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? I believe in the Gay Gods.

15. What good thing happened this summer? Got to see Angela

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I've never kissed anyone. (I'm working on that)

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? *Adjusts I Want To Believe Poster*

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Yup.

19. Do you like bubble baths? No.

20. Do you like your neighbors? They're cat hoarding assholes

21. What are you bad habits? Self Harm, Not eating, being unable to function n general.

22. Where would you like to travel? Britain, or Canada

23. Do you have trust issues? Definitely

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? The part where it doesn't exist. I haven't changed clothes in weeks.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Face, Stomach, Thighs.

26. What do you do when you wake up? Deny that I'm awake.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Lighter, because I wanna be transparent.

28. Who are you most comfortable around? Angela.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Nope, they all still hate me.

30. Do you ever want to get married? Sure.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yup.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? None.

33. Spell your name with your chin. No.

34. Do you play sports? What sports? Nope.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV, I don't even have TV now.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? YES.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Angela

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? I hate shopping.

40. What do you want to do after high school? Become an engineer.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Some peeps are just assholes.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Thinking, anxious or scared.

43. Do you smile at strangers? No.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? SPACE BITCH

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Gravity.

46. What are you paranoid about? Everything

47. Have you ever been high? On pill overdoses

48. Have you ever been drunk? Nope

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? YESYESYES

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Navy blue

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yeppers Jeffers

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Everything.

53. Favourite makeup brand? Don't wear makeup.

54. Favourite store? Hate shopping, so Amazon.

55. Favourite blog? zombielovejuice

56. Favourite colour? Red

57. Favourite food? Burger King veggie burgers

58. Last thing you ate? Ramen Noodles

59. First thing you ate this morning? I didn't eat today.

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Nope.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Nope.

62. Been arrested? For what? Nope.

63. Ever been in love? Several times.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I've never kissed anyone.

65. Are you hungry right now? Very.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Sometimes.

67. Facebook or Twitter? Twitter.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? Still don't have a TV

70. Names of your bestfriends? Angela.

71. Craving something? Cake

72. What colour are your towels? White

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 0

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Rarely

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 3 gallons

75. Favourite animal? Crows

76. What colour is your underwear? Grey

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Depends

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Depends

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Grey

80. What colour pants? Blue

81. Favourite tv show? MythBusters

82. Favourite movie? Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? What

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? What are these

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Never heard of it???

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? None.

87. First person you talked to today? Myself

88. Last person you talked to today? Myself

89. Name a person you hate? Myself

90. Name a person you love? Angela

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Me.

92. In a fight with someone? What

93. How many sweatpants do you have? 1

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Too many

95. Last movie you watched? Boogeyman

96. Favourite actress? Literally any LGBT actress.

97. Favourite actor? Johnny Depp

98. Do you tan a lot? I AM PAPER BITCH

99. Have any pets? I have 4 cats and 2 doggos

100. How are you feeling? Very suicidal

101. Do you type fast? Yeet

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Everything

103. Can you spell well? Yee

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? YES

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Nope

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Dunno

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yea it sucked it smelled like shit

108. What should you be doing? Reading The Giver so I can stay in AP classes

109. Is something irritating you right now? Myself and these BULLSHIT QUESTIONS

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? YES

111. Do you have trust issues? DEFINITELY

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? NOBODY

113. What was your childhood nickname? THE WEIRDO IN THE CORNER

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? YES

115. Do you play the Wii? WE HAD TO SELL IT TO GET FOOD

116. Are you listening to music right now? NOPE

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I AM A VEGETARIAN

118. Do you like Chinese food? YES

119. Favourite book? Code Junkie

120. Are you afraid of the dark? I aint tellin you shit

121. Are you mean? I AM A HUGE ASSHOLE

122. Is cheating ever okay? Nope

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? No

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really????

125. Do you believe in true love? Kind of??????

126. Are you currently bored? JUST ANNOYED

127. What makes you happy? Angela

128. Would you change your name? Yes

129. What your zodiac sign? Leo

130. Do you like subway? Use to

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Fuck Them

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? idk

133. Favourite lyrics right now? GOD LIKES ME FUCK EVERY BODY ELSE

134. Can you count to one million? Yes??

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I didn't do it

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed

137. How tall are you? 5'8

138. Curly or Straight hair? Both

139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette

140. Summer or Winter? Fall

141. Night or Day? Night

142. Favourite month? SP00KY MONTH

143. Are you a vegetarian? YEET

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark

145. Tea or Coffee? Both

146. Was today a good day? No fuck you

147. Mars or Snickers?  Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote? I'm a satanist - Lindsey Way

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yeet

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? "Fine!" She shouted at it.

[megrimlocke]

My First Email to President Trump

Mr. President,

I’m not sure if you’ve gotten my cordial and rather more conciliatory letters or if you have read them or had them brought to your attention at all.  Indeed, your staff has not even seen fit to respond in any fashion so far.

Regrettably, that is why this letter will not feature such a tone.

I have given you time to become presidential during your transition period and you failed.  I have given you time to walk back some of your most absurd and incendiary social positions and you have failed.  I have been quite patient in waiting for this dull, disciplined presidential Donald to emerge and you have failed to deliver.  

I liked having a cool, collected president with a deliberate attitude and a calm demeanor.  It was reassuring.  Hell for all his bungling I even appreciated George Bush’s childlike charm- you could at least believe that he was acting in good faith, to whatever extent his intellectual capacity might allow anyway.

You have not failed in comparison with Barack Obama.  That would suggest that you’re fit to compare with him, and you’re not.  I desperately want you to be.  I want you to rival him at being good at your job because it matters so much.  I seriously want you to succeed because if you fail the way you have been for any time longer the results will be a disaster for our country.

You’re off the handle in the way you address yourself to others.  You’re undisciplined in your approach to every aspect of this process and you have chosen people both fundamentally unqualified to do the jobs for which they are chosen but also with views antithetical to the existence of the administrative duties to which they are being appointed.

Your relationship with the press is even more concerning.  You antagonize them for routine scrutiny for man in your position- and don’t worry I’m not going to waste time on a meaningless psychobabble about your narcissism or whatever because it doesn’t fucking matter.  It bears repeating, whatever your psychological issues are they do not fucking matter.  What matters is that YOU ARE FAILING.

What’s the result of all this?  A highly ranked official within the Chinese defense directorate is calling a war with our country a “practical reality” that they feel the need to concern themselves over during your presidency.  This alone is your biggest diplomatic fuckup.  Wait I’m not so sure anymore because at the same time that you’re antagonizing the Chinese, our biggest global influence rival, you are also antagonizing fucking Mexico, our number two trading partner and a perfectly placid neighbor for many years.  OH!  And it gets even better!  I’m glad there is an aide to read this to you because I’m pretty sure you can’t read a letter when Vladimir Putin is balls deep in your mouth.

Yeah there’s a weird relationship with that Mexican border and various legal situations, especially if you learn about Mexico from Robert Rodriguez films, but we have generally enjoyed a long friendship that did not include trying to shake each other down to pay for bullshit building projects.  Frankly you will never bully a machismo culture into paying for this wall with the whole world watching and I expect that all you have done is ensured that mexican border patrol efforts are going to become even more lax than they already are, just to spite us over this bullshit policy.  Fuck it, let’s just launch nukes at Canada and call it a day, then we’ll be about as thoroughly isolated from the rest of our own fucking continent as we can be.

And now of course you’ve done just as you said you would, proving wrong every even-keeled conservative I’ve spoken to, and you’ve banned people from muslim majority countries from entering our borders.  I’m sure you have a bunch of lawyers and advisors and so on trying to come up with a way to make this make some kind of legal sense but let me help you out with something more succinct:

What you have done is in direct opposition to our first amendment- which you are required to uphold by the way- is vastly unpopular in this country as well as abroad, and is as a moral choice the most cowardly, disgusting thing for a US president to do since the japanese internment camps of the second world war.

I apologize for this becoming a longer letter than I had in mind but you’re fucking up at a rate of 1 dumbass fuckup per minute so I have a lot to address.

Let’s talk about nazis for a minute.  You’ve got nazis supporting you, openly, in the streets, celebrating in Washington.  Now you could have taken the time, in either a press conference or a video address or whatever to condemn them and formally, explicitly make it clear that they have no place among us.  Instead, you have pronounced a policy of brown-people-exclusion that they are jerkng off to right now as you read this.  Nazis jerk off to your ideas.

As if to ice a cake of fucking nazis, you have kicked the joint chiefs from the security council and replaced them with Steve Bannon, your propagandist.  If you were trying to not look like Hitler lately putting Joseph Goebbels in a position of this kind was another example of your failure.

I know, Bannon is not literally Joseph Goebbels.  Goebbels was nowhere near as fat and he had the good sense to blow his own brains out.  

I expect that for Bannon we will have to end out deposing you and put him through a lengthy trial on the taxpayer’s dime before we shell out even more money to have him executed in some infuriatingly humane chemical process after he’s done convincing your supporters that everyone has a sacred duty to burn down mosques or something.

Honestly the only thing that is missing is that you have not yet tried to annex anybody and you’ve yet to commit your first war crime.  I suppose I can at least say you’ve not made those fuckups yet.

I’ve tried to make this an entertaining if not flattering read because I know that you’re not one for reading more than 140 characters, so it’s my hope that one of your staffers with a sufficiently dry, deadpan delivery will perform a reading of this letter for you so that your attention can be kept long enough to get to the action points below.

1. Stop antagonizing the Chinese.  Seriously.  We are involved in a war in Afghanistan you need to clean up before starting any new ones.

2. Fire Bannon and immediately make an appearance at either a press conference or by direct video rolling back this absurd immigration policy and denouncing the nazis that are cheering for you.  I’m dead serious.  The longer you delay heeding this advice, the closer you come to going down in history are the nazi president.  I can’t believe I’m having to write these words.  It’s fucking surreal that you have not already nipped your nazi problem in the bud.

3. Veto any bill that comes to your desk repealing Obamacare that has not also in it an immediately prepared and budget office approved replacement plan.  I agree that there is room for healthcare reform.  There were good ideas and lousy ones in Obamacare, that’s why we review and change.  I happen to like seeing the calories on a menu for example.  You cannot afford to fail at this.  Your chances of reelection are already astonishingly slim- because you have been failing for a week- and you will not be up against an easily vilified Clinton next time.

4. You get your head on straight about Russia.  They do not want to be buddies with you, they want to see you squirm the way they squirmed in the 90s.  They want to be an ascendant superpower once again and their goals are consistently incompatible with ours, not to mention international law.

5. The TPP, imperfect though it was, was a vital part of our approach to China.  You get a replacement plan in the works and you get it to congress by the end of February.  Don’t worry, you’ll have the time because you’re dumping this wall bullshit to focus on it.  You cannot make the approach to China a military approach.  You need to do it with careful trade and building a support network in the Pacific and you need to do it deliberately and with a plan.

6. Review the  1st, 9th, and 14th amendments and make damn sure your supreme court nominee is very familiar with them.  I retain to myself the right to marry whoever the hell I damn well please, and I’ve got three amendments between me and whoever wants to argue otherwise.

7. You get on the horn with the pipeline companies and explain to them in no uncertain terms that they may indeed have their pipelines- but they will not run through these lands that are sacred and that mean so much to the people of our country.  You tell them they are, at their own expense, to reroute these pipes through areas that are not controversial.

8. Announce immediately that you are abandoning this absurd wall project and that instead you will be investing that 15 billion projected cost in a new project to construct homes for homeless veterans.  You will explain that this project will put to work many blue collar construction workers and that we will be bringing back into the housing market and therefor the workforce some of the most dedicated workers to be found anywhere by finally looking after the vets that we should be the most ashamed of letting go unattended.

Take care of these bullets.  Put up the twitter.  Quit fucking up.  You need to get this right or I guarantee you will not even run for reelection because you will get impeached and that impeachment will have you deposed.  This order you signed this weekend is already unconstitutional as per amendment 1 and frankly the American people are not going to need any further grounds.  The only reason I’m not looking to have you impeached already is that I hate instability and ruckus, and fixing your dumbass is better solution.  Like renovating a tenement for 85k instead of trying to build a new complex for 200.

Adam Locke

P.s. As you may note in the bullets, I’m really rather moderate and willing to compromise on a number of points.  Having a fuckup for a president is not one of them.  I know you’re new, I know you will stumble, but if you can keep it to one dumbass fuckup per quarter at least we can at least get back to Bush levels of incompetence.  Tighten it up or start revising your resume.