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#like... unless you were THERE for it y'all don't know how ugly that shit got
solvicrafts · 20 days
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You know, jokes aside, the sad thing about this fandom is that back in the day it absolutely WAS awful in some areas. Especially forums. And especially Candlekeep and the RAS boards. I don't remember Lavender Eyes being too bad, but I genuinely believe that if you were around in the 2000s-2010s when the discourse around Jarlaxle's alignment and/or sexuality was going around, you deserve financial compensation and restaurant discounts for the rest of your life.
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lurkingshan · 7 months
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BL/QL Ask game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst
Tagged by @clara-maybe-ontheroad to start some trouble. There are a lot of these, so I'm mostly going to do quick hits and maybe expand on a few that really get me going.
The categories are:
Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL
It would be easier to list the BL soundtracks that are not horrible (offense intended).
Most cringe-inducing line (cute)/Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad)
I'm so bad at remembering specific lines of dialogue unless I think they're beautiful/heart-wrenching, so I got nothing.
Most stupid decision made by a character
In a BL?? Baby, I do not have all day.
Worst plot line
Hmmm I'm gonna give in to recency bias and say faking amnesia to get your fiancé to love you again after you iced him out and denied him sex for four years because of your tiger attack-related PTSD (no I am not making that up, never change actually Naughty Babe).
The most problematic show you've watched
Problematic is in the eye of the beholder, so honestly who can say.
A show people love but you find bad
LOLOLOL. There are. So many. Probably the one with the wildest fandom fervor :: Shan personal enjoyment ratio is KinnPorsche.
A show people find bad but you will defend
Theory of Love and y'all stay wrong about this. It is easily one of the best early Thai bls and the writing, character development, and narrative structure are all excellent, but people hate slutty characters so they can't deal with it.
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A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it/were horny/because of that one character
Why r u? What can I say, I'm a Fighter/Tutor girlie.
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A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated
Hmmm I usually just drop it if I'm truly not having fun. I guess you could count me finishing Minato's Laundromat 2 despite knowing any hope for it was over at the end of episode 9. I just needed to see how mad I was going to be in the end (pretty damn mad).
A bad show that you would still recommend
There is too much BL nowadays to be trifling with the bad shit.
The character that ruined a show the most/most awful character that you hated
PLERN PLENG (Together With Me). cc: @bengiyo the co-president of the Plern Pleng antis.
Most awful character that you loved
Boston, a beautiful chaos demon (Only Friends).
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A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like
Anyone played by Podd or Jimmy (it's their faces I can't stand them sorry to those men).
A hero that should have been a villain
This is an interesting one! I’m not sure this counts, but I’ll just say I did not love the way The Untamed white washed Wei Wuxian and removed his culpability for all his worst choices (I recognize this was largely due to censorship). I much prefer the more morally complex and deeply flawed version of him we got in MDZS.
A morally bad character you're into/you're not into and you wish people would stop being into
I don't believe in holding fictional characters to real life moral standards. Bad behavior makes for good stories.
The show that disappointed you the most
Let me take this opportunity to drag Plus & Minus again, a show that had all the right ingredients to be a top tier friends to lovers narrative and absolutely blew it to do some beyond clichéd noble idiocy and breakup bs that violated character and undercut the relationship to such a degree that I can never rewatch or enjoy anything about it again.
The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons
Hmm I do not have one. It's rare for me to not be able to find something of value in any media I consume.
Tagging @chickenstrangers @sorry-bonebag @kayatoasted @blmpff @twig-tea in case you want to play!
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bullshit-bulltrue · 9 months
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☆ hawk talk 8/14/23 ☆
so i found out that my school practically treats PDA as The Big Bad Sin™️
like literally in our handbook it says it is NOT tolerated under ANY means
so like
even if i had the courage to hug my friends
i fucking can't
unless the monitors aren't paying attention but like
what if one day i'm like crying in the hallway and my bestie sees me and wants to give me a hug
but like they can't 0_0
and vice-versa
FUCK
okie. anyway.
lanie is out of town visiting family :(
BUT I STILL GOT TO EAT LUNCH WITH SOMEONE
and if you've been following along, you would know the person i ate lunch with is Delgado
✨️✨️✨️
we'll go back to that in a sec, i promise (highlight of my day)
so since it was an odd day i went to history & geo first
so we get there and we have a debate on whether school should start earlier/same time or later
and i of course backed up my reasoning with evidence unlike everyone else
they're all dumbasses
and the sleezy hoebags behind me started trying to fuck with my hair
but then i hit one of them <3
so then mr. m had us go over the fire drill and where to go in case of smth happening during his period
so we went outside and lined up where we would in case of an emergency
and then the desk buddy bitch asked for the answers to a quiz and i gave her the wrong ones <3
so then that was it for history & geo
andddd it turns out that delgado passes the math room on his way to his next period so i have to make sure i don't look like utter shit BEFORE MATH TOO
i felt bad tho bc i almost hit him 😭😭
so when i was walking towards the math room my back was turned to him so i obvi didn't know it was him when he tapped me on the shoulder
and it scared the crap outta me cus the recent school day (last friday) some dick did that to me and i hit him
and i thought it was the same guy
but it wasn't, it was delgado <3
and he just wanted to make sure we were still good for lunch and this is how the convo went:
d: *taps my shoulder* hey so lunch today, right?
me: *puts fist down after i realized it was him* yeah!
d: oh and also what do you have for first period?
me: [insert history & geo teacher's name]
d: oh cool. where you going next?
me: math with Mr. H. right here *points at door*
d: *groans* i just came back from math. that's my first fucking period 🙄
me: *laughs* ahh it's my 2nd. well, technically 3&4 but ykwim (if you need me to explain the schedules lmk)
d: Okay well i gtg
me: yeah me too, see you in like an hour or some shit *smiles and waves*
d: *smiles and waves back*
sooooo
then math
these bitches at my table
are fucking horrible
i'm trying to do a placement exam
and they keep talking
like BITCH I DID NOT MAKE IT TO AN ACCELERATED CLASS JUST FOR Y'ALL TO BE THE REASON WHY I FAILED
TAKE YOUR ASSES AND CHEAT ON THE EXAM SOMEWHERE ELSE HOES
I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR BULLSHIT
"wElL Mr H sAiD wE CaN tAlK" "We ArEnT eVeN bEiNg LoUd"
SHUT THE FUCK UP
HE SAID WE CAN TALK ABOIT MATH AND UR LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT YO UGLY ASS FACE
so that was fun.
oh and also Mr. H (the teacher) draws so we can like give him a photo and he'll draw like the outline and give it back to us to color and then hang it up in the room!! so i'm gonna ask him if he can draw Stitch or smth so i can color it and hang it in the classroom!
yk if i remember lol
oh and like towards the end of class i went to the bathroom to fix myself up a little bit™️ bc on odd days i have
✨️english class✨️
after math <3
so i put on my favorite lipstick and tamed my hair a bit more and just made sure my clothes looked alright and shit lol
i also cleaned up my boots too while i was at it <3
i love my boots so much
i want moreee
like
actually i don't want more
i NEED more
if i had the money, i would be a doc martens addict and i'd have hundreds of pairs
but alas
bitches are expensive
*sads*
okeu anywayy
i get back to class and these hoes are still talking about the girliest shit ever i literally was going to kill myself if i had to listen to anymore of it
so then we started packing up and then we left
AND THENNNN
ENGLISH CLASS TIME
so we all lined up outside the door bc the teacher wasn't in yet (Mrs. K)
and i tried to stand next to him (delgado) but this bitch got in line RIGHT before me so she was in-between us :/
but thats alr cus he sorts slowed down in line and i caught up so we walked in the room around the same time
and i was wearing a shirt with a Mexican food place and Mrs. K was like "oh my gosh that's my favorite Mexican restaurant in [insert location]!!" and i was like "yeah its pretty good. well, for white people cooking the food. the only real Mexican food you get is from Mexico, or your mamás kitchen" and delgado looked at me like he knew lol so that's when he sorta started catching on that I'm Mexican too
it's nice not to have to tell someone about my ethnicity for once and them figuring it out on their own
so yeah <3
and we had to finish these state mandated tests bc we got only like halfway done on friday
so me and delgado were writing each other notes and doodles to help keep ourselves awake and not fall asleep during that godforsaken fucking test 😭😭
so after we got done (we finished our tests around the same time lol) Mrs. K let us kinds do our own thing as long as we weren't disruptive
so i read DPS and he was playing some game on his Chromebook
and it was so funny bc he had his chromebook on mute but you can tell when he lost and stuff bc he would make a fist and be like "noooo" really quietly
idk
it was funny to me, at least
and there was someone's alarm going off and it sounded like the beep a bomb makes before it goes off
and ofc my mind immediately went to JD <3
and then me, delgado, baseball guy, and d's short bestie all looked at each other like "you hear that 👀"
and then me and delgado crossed ourselves and said "el padre, el hijo y el espíritu santo" but he said it in english lol
and like he's so sweet
so not only did he double check we were still eating lunch together in the hallway but he also asked again at the end of english class
ik it may not seem like anything to you but it means a lot to me
bc i'm always the one to make sure plans are still plans and i feel annoying for asking so many times and that i'm bothering the other person and it just feels nice to have someone else take the time to ask, yk?
so it also turns out our lockers aren't that far away from each other's so even though he's English Class Crush™️ he also qualifies as Hallway Crush™️
speaking of hallway crushes
yk Luca? his locker and also Mikey's (Michael, but we all call him Mikey) lockers are close-ish to mine
so yeah that's great/sarc
it is, in fact, not great.
BECAUSE THAT MEANS I CANNOT RISK LOOKING LIKE SHIT IN THE MORNING
i mean i make sure i always look somewhat good before i leave the house
BUT STILL
anyway
we go to lunch and his friend Alex comes along and im like ooo cool i get to meet his friend
and i sat down and saved us some seats while they went to get the food from the lunch people
so when they come and sit down i was hoping that i would sit next to delgado bc that was the whole fucking point of eating lunch with him
but Alex sits his ass right in between us
but like ig Alex is a protective friend or smth?? idk but like yeah i didn't take offense or anything bc id be the same way
we were stil able to talk tho <3
and anyway they come and sit down and the lunch for the 14th was grilled cheese
but lemme tell you
that, was in fact, not grilled cheese
it looked like two soggy pieces of bread with orange food coloring in the middle
that cheese? was NOT cheese
and i was like oh hell nah no way is Boy Bestie™️ eating whatever the fuck that government looking waste was
so i was like dude have what you want out of my lunch, there's no way you're eating that on my watch
and i was like hey Alex you can go ahead and eat my lunch too
so Alex took the dragonfruit and smth else i think
and delgado had the tortillas mi mamá packed for me
again, i wasn't hungry at all because i had thrown up earlier but i forced myself to eat something before i passed out
oh and forgot to mention
delgado fr said "AYYY MEXICAN STYLEEE" bc i had the tortillas wrapped up in tinfoil and some chorizo con papas y huevos and i was like "HELL YEAHHH"
idk if the white people understand this or not but like this was a bonding moment for us bc there aren't a whole lot of mexicans at our school
so like to see that we're apart of the same culture is really nice
oh and he was also like "my mom makes that like every morning!" and i was like "my mom made it yesterday and decided to pack me some for lunch!"
i would've given him like a fist bump or smth but i wasn't gon put my arm across Alex to get to delgado cus like
just no
so anyway sometime in the middle of lunch i was eating my food and then
poof
woosh
*shimmery sound effects*
THEY'RE GONE
I DON'T KNOW HOW OR WHEN BUT THESE BITCHES JUST VANISHED
SO THEN I WAS LIKE NO NO NO I'M GONNA HAVE TO BE ALONE FOR THE NEXT 20 MINUTES WHYYY
but i didn't wanna move and go look for them bc not only are we not allowed to i also thought maybe they just needed to go the the bathroom
so i just sat there looking like a kicked puppy with sad eyes because i'm not fucking tall enough to look for them in the crowd of gross teenagers
so i just sit there and text my friend because when i lose my friends (and this has happened since elementary) i get really aggressive bc i get overstimed so yk i texted my friend to calm myself down
anyway
lunch over
i get my shit from my locker and head to gym
we go over where we will sit for attendance
and then we go over fire drill procedures and shit
and then we spend most of our time doing jackshit
and like the last 20 minutes of class coach was like okay you can play basketball with the boys orstand around idrc bc we only have a little but till the end of the day
so i channeled my inner white girl and just watched delgado play basketball
and like he's one of the only guys who actually knows how to fuckin play 😭😭
also this one kid got hit in the back of the head and fell straight forward and on his face like a looney tunes character
comedic gold right there
and at the end of phys ed me and delgado were walking the same direction bc our lockers are near each other's and it looks like we're gonna have lunch again on Wednesday since that's the next time i have 3rd lunch <3
so yeah i hope i was midly entertaining
it's 1:36am and i gotta get up at 6:30am so goodnight and sorry for not Finnishing this earlier, i got caught up in something
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mickeytheticklee · 2 years
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3am thoughts: Loona reaction to their s/o talking bad about their laugh
Idk why this has to be oddly specific
Heejin
One night Heejin thought of sneaking up on you, seeing that she rarely has chances of surprising you. Before she came with you with tickly fingers she overheard you talking bad about your cute laugh. It made her sad, your laugh is what keeps her going. Why she gets out of bed, why she's just so happy. With her plan failing to surprise you she goes for another plan. She sits on the couch, waiting for you and when you do come and kiss her forehead she pulls you in a hug...a tickle hug. Difference in a tickle hug is that she hugs your waist instead of neck to sneak in a squeeze. You promised yourself no tickles for today, but Heejin was tickling her precious giggle spot that it made your heart melt. Once she got you knocked out from all the squeezes she puts you in a tight hug and kisses your cheek.
Heejin: You have the cutest laugh ever, don't let me catch you saying those words again.
Y/n: I won't...I promise...
Hyunjin
You would flat out ask it.
Y/n: Unni...do you think my laugh is ugly?
When you asked that question you and Hyunjin were watching TV. It would kinda throw her off because you don't usually ask those type of questions. You would think she would give you an immediate answer but no...she didn't. She turned off the TV, and without any warning whatsoever she tickled you. Without mercy and hitting your worst spots ever. For an hour. Hyunjin may act kinda quiet but she's very observant...and sensitive. She doesn't like anyone tearing themselves down and anyone who does that deserves to be loved on/tickled. After that brutal attack and being out of breath, you hugged her. She usually isn't that affectionate unless it's with you. But she's happy that there was a smile on your face. A confident smile.
Y/n: Thank you.
Hyunjin: Your welcome baby.
Haseul
More on the softer side with this. Before meeting you in the kitchen she was looking at a vlive you did earlier. You talked about how everyone kept commented on fab about your laugh, making you insecure. She was heartbroken, choking on her tears. She never wants you to be in a position that you have to hide your true self. Out of the blue she wanted to do a vlive with you. Throughout this whole vlive she was poking, pinching, and eventually did attack you with tickles. You thought about holding it in but whenever Haseul does light tummy tickles + the coochie coochie coo added. You have to laugh at that.
Haseul: Don't you think y/n's laugh is cute? I think it's cute.
Then all the comments hyping up your laugh and wishing you can be tickled again. You smiled at Haseul, and spent the rest of the night in her arms.
Vivi
Some of y'all would be shocked that there's a chaotic, unpredictable side to Vivi. One day she was showing you a video of you getting tickled by Yves and the first thing you commented was on your laugh.
Y/n: Vivi! Delete! My laugh is terrible oh gosh.
Of course you didn't mean literally but Vivi still was offended. She doesn't like when you talk badly about your laugh regardless if it's a joke or not. Then you took your phone and she was trying to get it back. But since she wasn't strong enough, she had to tickle you to get it back. But even when she got her phone back she continued to tickle you on the floor as payback. Times like these wish to tickle the shit out of you and then give you lots of kisses afterwards. Thing is, she's ten times an evil ler compared to Hyunjin when she's like this. But it's worth it to see that smile because she helped you overcome your insecurities.
Yeojin
Wouldn't really know how to feel to be honest. She ended up being with a group of your friends, where they were making fun of your laugh. She thought it wasn't a big deal since you were joking along with them but it was clear you were uncomfortable. She would've clapped back to those remarks but she didn't want to cause a scene. So she lied and said she wanted to go home because her stomach was hurting. Being the overprotective friend you are, you helped her back to the dorm. She deserves an Oscar for that acting because turns out she wasn't sick. She wanted an excuse to get out of that bad situation. And to tickle you to forget your worries about what your bad friends said. After giving you many raspberries you told her thank you, but she pretended that she didn't set up an elaborate plan to tickle you.
Y/n: Thank you.
Yeojin: For what? I didn't do anything.
Then winks at you.
Kim Lip
Kim Lip went back at home, reflecting that the TV host made fun of your laugh and you agreed with the host even though it didn't seem right. It was only for a short amount they needed to go home since they had practice in an hour. Kim Lip wanted to give you a heart to heart, saying that no matter what anyone says your laugh remains the precious thing to her. You didn't mind, no matter what it was a joke that was going to fly by but Kim Lip didn't buy it. You did have a habit of barely showing your emotions and just saying okay to everything. So Kim Lip did the impossible since the easy way didn't work, tickling you. She closed the door and for an hour she tickled you. HARD. Raspberries everywhere and tickles on your worst spot. It makes you kinda happy because Kim Lip barely tickles you. Like this being a once in a full moon activity makes you ready for a long night of practice.
Kim Lip: If I catch you saying that again I will do it again.
Y/n: Okay.
Then purposely annoy her to get tickles again.
Jinsoul
Jinsoul speaks her mind. A lot. She wouldn't plan something she would lecture you, like tonight. She saw on vlive trying to make fun of your laugh as she got frustrated because you needed to hold orbits accountable. The lecture was harsh, but you did understand that they needed to respect their boundaries as fans. And that Jinsoul was only looking out for you because members have been in that situation. That rough conversation let a awkward tension between you two. But that's Jinsoul's character. Very tenderhearted but honest. Then an hour later of your heart still sore Jinsoul came into your room with a snack and a big hug. She apologized if she spoke too harshly with you but knows that no matter what she loves you. You forgave her and spent the night getting tummy nuzzles from her. Then all your awkward tension and thinking she was mad at you was gone.
Jinsoul: You know I love you, and I love that amazing laugh.
Choerry
Enough of the emotional stuff let's get back to fluff! Both of you sat on the couch, with you accidentally saying that your laugh wasn't cute like Choerry's. She was shocked, upset, going thru all the emotions.
Choerry: Your laughter? Terrible? Hey why are you lying to yourself? It's cute!
Then she would shower you in hugs and kisses, then an unexpected poke. Then a few pokes later it turned into a big tickle attack. Choerry will always be a lee but if she has to cheer someone up she must tickle them. In a way she's like Hyunjin because her tickle moments are rare, but Choerry is way more affectionate. Then there's her tickling you for hours because she gets hyper (it's the switch in her kinda). But it's good she tickled you for a long time because you forgot why you were upset. So after that tickle attack you went back to watching cartoons with Choerry and snuggling up with her until you both fall asleep.
Yves
Literally tricked you so she can be on top of you and teach you a lesson.
Yves: So you think your laugh is ugly? Ah, that deserves some tickles...
Then insert a tickle attack on you. Yves would be upset but she wouldn't really plan anything because she thinks your stubborn. And thinks the only way you'll learn is if she pins you down and tickles you for a long time. It takes a good amount of raspberries and rib tickling to admit you have the cutest laugh. When I mean a good amount...I mean 10 raspberries. But you were giggling and now not having a heavy insecurity in your laugh. Afterwards she buys you a stuff animal, in hopes you don't tell Chuu you got tickled by Yves without her. Fun fact: Chuu gets really jealous whenever you get tickled by Yves because Chuu and Yves are usually the tickle twin duo.
Chuu
Remember the joke that Chuu would tickle you on Chuu can do it? Yea, that's exactly where this is going to go. Chuu got it from Haseul and even though you got your revenge from her Chuu wasn't done yet. She lets the problem settle for a few days and then invites you for a Chuu can do it episode. You were both baking vegan meals and desserts as a competition as Chuu kept tickling you so you can get distracted from cooking. While you were mixing up the wet ingredients for a cake Chuu managed to come in poke your sides. It did tickle but you were laughing but standing skill. Even when Chuu was trying to Kirby bite your neck softly you were barely budging.
Chuu: My cute baby. Isn't her laugh cute? So cute.
Y/n: Chuu...stop making me blush...
Then Chuu giggles, knowing with that tickle moment fans will go crazy over your cute laugh and Chuu's cute side when tickling you.
Gowon
Since this morning she was trying to figure out why you said your laugh was ugly. She still asks when it's close to midnight, then when you were done being annoyed you told her. It was out of that one time Sooyoung impersonated your laugh so you thought your laugh was ugly. But she told you it was a misunderstanding, that Yves liked your laugh with the numerous times she's tickled you. She's like Choerry a bit, known to be a lee but has to be a ler in this situation. Thing is...she doesn't know how to. You question why she pinched your thigh and didn't mind it. It wasn't until you started a tickle fight and you got what you deserved. One thing, she's very competitive and hates to lose. But she gave an extra 15 minutes tickling you since she was in her ler mood, which you didn't expect and was trying to run away from. Which gave you 30 minutes of tickles.
Gowon: Wanna play another round.
Answer: Yes.
Olivia Hye
One thing about her, she will square up. You asked about your ugly laugh only because the people in line in to enter the music show made mean names about your name. Then she got up and gave those stupid kids a small talk about respect. Afterwards she was spoiling you all day to forget about those nasty comments. Buying food for you, extra hugs, tickles. At night she wanted to give you all the cuddly tickles you want. You told Olivia Hye that she shouldn't spoil you too much but she knew those comments were hurting you. The way you were barely laughing at that interview the girls had gave it away. So she gave you cuddly tickles, then small tickles on your feet and toes which are your favorite spots. Then ending it with cuddly neck kisses and tickles on your armpits since you have a habit of stretching your arms.
Y/n: Hehehehe....Hyeju...don't you think this is enough?
Olivia Hye: More? I think you need more.
You are right, Flip That did make Olivia Hye more cuter.
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sassypotatoe1 · 14 days
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I may not be in any way an expert on hosting and table setting but I have opinions and y'all are going to get them.
Don't put runners on round tables. Oval tables are fine, they have a length, rectangle or like, hexagon tables sure, if it's a square go both ways make that shit a Christmas present, but not round. It looks weird, it doesn't round off nicely, it gets in the way.
Don't put floor length table cloths on your tables. I've been to a lot of dinners and events in my life and every time there's a floor length table cloth crockery or glassware breaks. Without fail. Why? A chair leg catches the tablecloth or someone accidentally sits down on it and pulls it off the table and things go flying. Also more stains. Get a table cloth that will reach attendees' laps when draped so they can't sit or step on it and you will have less stains and broken dishes.
Along that line don't get the stretchy fitted table cloths that tuck into the table legs. Your guests will sit uncomfortably, because their legs will have nowhere to go and too much lap space will be exposed, and it looks ugly as fuck and cheap. Drape, fitted around the tabletop or bust. If your table legs are ugly get better tables. No one's looking at the legs anyway.
If you're doing disposable dinnerware for a cheap event like a picnic or church lunch, get wheat straw or bamboo that hasn't been treated. Paper plates with wax don't decompose. Paper plates with film definitely don't decompose. Surfaced bamboo or wheat straw take longer to decompose. Raw, dyed or ink printed wheat straw and bamboo look much better than paper, are less carbon intensive to produce from what I've seen, use byproducts of processes already happening instead of needing an entire process made just for it, and holds up better to rowdy kids than paper.
Don't use coated silverware. Hosting dishware take a lot of abuse and rough handling, if you get the cool rose gold coated stainless steel silverware it's gonna hold up for 3 events max before that coating starts coming of and it looks as cheap as it is. If you want cool colors, get anodized stainless steel. If you're using plastic (don't) get plastic where the pigment was mixed into the plastic while it was being molded and not painted on afterwards. It will chip and flake, which is gross, and it will not hold up for even one event. We're trying to reduce single use plastics remember. If you want single use again go for bamboo or wheat straw.
Dry clean table cloths and runners the day before an event. Do y'all have any idea how many events I've helped set up or attended where they literally just pulled the linens out of storage and put them on the tables? I have chronic allergies at events because of this. I know you washed them after the last one and they were kept closed in a cupboard, they still got dusty and might have dust mites. Unless you vacuum seal them in an airtight bag they need to be cleaned before your event.
Have covers for your pitchers. Especially if you have floral centerpieces that are higher than the rim of your pitcher. And let them be mesh. Not only will this keep out petals, leaves and bugs, it has the cool added benefit of keeping the ice in the jug and out of your juice. Ice is a pain in the ass to drink around and with most people having some type of dental work done throughout their life ice will cause pain for most people. It also waters down the juice or punch if it melts in your guests' glasses while they chat, which is gross. Have an ice bucket seperately for those who want ice in their drinks.
Don't have large or tall center pieces. Especially at a round table, especially if there's live entertainment. I know very cool big center pieces are fun to make, but they literally impede the conversation of your guests who have to lean around it to see each other, and they especially impede them from seeing the live entertainment, making them move their chairs which causes blockages and tripping hazards and noise. If you want a big center piece, put it on tables around the peripheral, like catering tables, drink tables, seating arrangement stands etc.
Don't be precious about your napkins, and don't use napkins that you're precious about or that will be hard to clean. Napkins' entire purpose are to be used to clean up or catch food mess. They will get dirty, they will get stained, they will be used even if you tell people explicitly not to. If you're precious about your napkins, don't use those and get paper ones.
Also don't get lacy, crocheted, embroidered or textured fabric napkins. Napkins take a lot of heat, force and chemicals to get clean, which will bleach or warp fancy ones, and stuff gets stuck in embroidery, crochet and lace and won't wash out. It's stuck there now. A simple woven and bias hemmed cotton, linen or bamboo fiber napkin will always be the best for events. It can be printed or dyed, but expect that to fade quickly if you use it a lot. Polyester and acrylic are not, have never been and will never be absorbant. You need your napkins to be absorbant or they'll move around the mess instead of cleaning it up.
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get-shiggy-with-it · 3 years
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Book Drop Boy (Twice x Reader)
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✧ pairing: library student worker!Twice x afab!student!Reader
✧ word count: 9.9k
✧ ao3 mirror
✧ warnings: college au/no quirks, maladaptive daydreaming (twice), twice is chaotic af, commits library related crimes, use of the term sweetheart a few times, smut, vaginal fingering/sex, doggy style, afab terms, no pronouns for reader, gratuitous swearing this is potentially the softest thing I've ever written, like she's pretty tame idk what Twice does to me
✧ summary: In which Twice learns that sometimes dreams do come true, except those dreams are just the maladaptive fantasies of a broke library receptionist and, while sexy, also involve more fraud than he expected.
✧ a/n: Hey y'all, this is set in the same universe as my shiggy college piece, but you don't need to have read that. There are some fun little easter eggs though if you have tho. This is like the most tame thing I've ever written and it's way longer than it was meant to be but oh well. Anyway, Twice deserves some love. Enjoy <3
Logically, Jin was aware you probably had no idea who the fuck he was.
But that really didn’t have any effect on the wildly intricate fantasy life he had created for the two of you during his long shifts behind the library reception desk. That, in fact, was the only reason he hadn’t up and quit just to save himself the embarrassment of another loud outburst in the middle of the most silent place on campus.
What was truly more shocking was the fact that none of those said outburst had gotten his ass kicked straight out the door.
But he held out.
If only for you.
Late nights or lazy afternoons you were always in the campus library—studying he assumed or…
'Studying,' because a lot of the time he noticed you’d show up with a drink from the cafe a few blocks down, set out a line of colored pens and not touch a single one of them for hours, content to stare blankly at the chipped desktop. And even that Jin was more than happy to watch.
He did a lot of watching.
Mostly because he wasn’t permitted to leave the desk unattended unless there were piling up returned books which needed to be replaced quickly.
So instead, he pretended to be busy scrolling through something on his old as hell monitor—which was conveniently set up directly across from the comfy chair/desk combo you always managed to grab—and he indulged in day dreams where you’d bring him a coffee from the cafe when you came in and set it on his desk, maybe kiss him on the cheek, maybe loiter by his workstation and play with his hair and—
Yeah.
It was a lot.
But you were always in that chair, always working or pretending to work and you never seemed to notice the uninterrupted hours of staring Jin did, so what was the harm?
If you never knew, you’d never get creeped out—cause it was creepy, he knew that, oh fuckin' boy did he know it was real goddamn weird.
He just couldn’t seem to give it up. Especially when the conditions presented perfectly for some good uninterrupted, totally not stalker-y at all, fantasizing.
Sometimes he thought you might have some mundane superpower that let you always snatch that perfect seat right across from his computer, and made it so the library was just cool enough that he’d get to watch you shrug on that cute extra sweatshirt you always brought. So he could catch a glimpse of some skin—in a totally normal and not invasive way—when your arms went over your head. So he could imagine it was his ratty old sweaters you were wearing just so you could smell him on you and god he really wanted to get close enough to smell you—was that too weird? No. Yes? No.
Not at all.
But the best part, the part that really convinced him on those awful days when he really just could not be bothered to drag himself out of bed and walk the couple blocks to campus just to sit in awful silence alone, in his head alone with the fucking thoughts that made him want to rip his hair out—
What made it worth it was those times every few weeks when your classes would get new assigned readings. Because then you’d have to check out new textbooks, since you were one of those geniuses that had figured out the library kept a ton of those books in stock. Of course you were, cause you were fucking perfect.
And when you had to check out new books, you had to come to reception.
Jin got to watch as your lovely figure moved through the stacks like you were ballroom dancing along the halls of faded, sea-green shelves, almost floating over the linoleum trying to find just the right volume in the right addition before anyone else beat you to it.
It was one of the most gorgeous things he’d ever seen.
Spinner would call him a fucking simp if he ever dared to uttered any of that out loud, but it didn’t matter.
If it was you, he’d simp for fucking life.
And then, you’d walk that fucking glorious ass over to his desk and plop the books down, smiling—cause you were polite like that, so fucking perfect he couldn’t hardly believe it sometimes—and asking how his day was while he checked you out in every sense of the phrase.
In a completely platonic and not freaky way.
So Jin kept coming to work, to that god awful job he really hated and which hated him just as vehemently. He clocked in every day and waited patiently like a fucking puppy counting the hours till its workaholic owner arrived home, ears perking up when you walked through the door and flashed your ID to the attendant.
If only for that.
He’d put up with his boss’ complaints and the weird stares he got when the thoughts just wouldn’t stay in his head anymore and he had to start talking to himself to fill the silence.
If only for that.
Those few hours when he could lose himself in the fake inner life where you were waiting for him when his shift let out, waiting to gather him, tired and understimulated, into your arms. Where you’d sneak into the back room with him just to chat and lace your fingers with his and maybe sit that fucking wonderful ass up on the tables so he could stand in between your thighs and you’d pull him down to—
Yeah.
That was enough.
***
It wasn’t until Tuesday when he had to come in again that week, and he already knew it was gonna suck balls.
Friday he’d gotten another round of complaints from some stuck up fucking business students—it was always the fucking business majors with those silver spoons so far up their asses—snitching to his boss that he’s been ‘disruptive’ and ‘disturbing’ during his last shift.
“Not my fucking fault,” he muttered under his breath, kicking a rock along the side walk he’d picked up two blocks before. “Yes it is. No it’s not!”
Jin groaned and tugged at his hair, wishing he’d brought a Tylenol or something to curb the headache that was already sticking it’s ugly ass claws into his temples. He really, really heavily contemplated just ditching, calling in sick or some shit. Technically he was a student worker, so they had to work with his DRS accommodation and he was actually having a bad fucking time.
But one of his friends had already texted to ask if he’d try and reserve them that sweet ass study room on the third floor and Jin wasn’t really looking to disappoint anyone else this week. Besides, it was fun to abuse his minuscule power. Fun to go corrupt for once. Fight the system and all that.
He liked to think you’d be proud of him for it, based on the kinds of texts you checked out at least.
So, he dragged his sad ass back to the looming library looking far too much like a prison than was necessary and clocked in. Actually, the first thing he did was check the chair—your chair and nobody else’s chair, he might actually make a fucking scene if somebody ever did steal it—and his face visibly fell when you were not occupying it.
It was a bit early, Jin supposed as he paused briefly when he noticed the can of Monster and rando vending machine chips sitting next to it by the reception computer. The sticky note slapped to the top read 'For your troubles' in familiar handwriting and that pulled a bit of a smile from him as he quickly rearranged the scheduling of study room sign ups so the fancy third floor room would be free for the rest of the night.
Then Jin sat, staring at the study room schedules for a moment, feeling his eyes softly glaze over until a hand slapped down on the raised lip of the reception desk.
“Hey bro,” Spinner greeted him with a wild smile and a flurry of bright pink hair.
Jin had to blink a few extra times to get his vision to clear. When it did he saw, horrifyingly, that he’d been staring at the fucking blank screen for two hours without moving.
Why was it that his head was either deadly quiet, devoid of even a single errant thought or so loud as fucking shit at all times that he couldn’t physically keep the thoughts in?
“Hey, dude, what’s up?” Jin asked, running a hand through his unruly hair.
“Aren’t you supposed to like shush me or something?”
Spinner chuckled a bit at his own god awful joke and Jin couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed, too glad for the company.
“I mean,” he shrugged, popping the can of Monster and ignoring the dirty looks he got for the sound. “I would if I was, uh, good at my job.”
“Which I’ve heard you definitely are not,” Spinner wrapped his fingers over the lip of the desk and leaned back on his heels, swaying side to side idly.
“You’re just figuring that out now?”
Jin didn’t bother watching while Spinner nearly tripped over himself fidgeting as he spun to stand at the little gate that corralled Jin inside like livestock. He was too busy glancing over to check you hadn’t slipped in while his brain had taken a trip to the astral plane without him.
“No, I been knew, but my sources tell me you’ve gone off the rails my friend,” long legs stepped over the wooden partition until the only friend he had who was quite possibly more annoying than Jin himself was sat on the counter next to his computer. “Finally been radicalized have you?”
Jin huffed and sipped his Monster, “Guess it fuckin’ took me long enough.”
“Yeah, no kidding,” Spinner was messing about with the stacks of multicolored sticky notes littered across the desk before glancing up to wink at Jin. “So what can I get you to do for me in exchange for free food?”
“Now I really am gonna fucking shush you,” Jin smashed his finger against Spinners grin only to get a hand covered in spit for his trouble.
“Right, right,” Spinner held his hands up in defeat, “can’t have you cheating on your sweetheart.”
“Not my—yes I’m in a committed fictional relationship thank you very much—ugh!”
Jin could feel the heads shooting up from laptop screens and textbooks to stick daggers in his back with their angry stares. Spinner at least had the good sense to look a little fucking guilty for egging him on.
“Sorry bro, I had to shoot my shot ya know?” a hand disappeared into the mop of bubblegum locks in apology.
“It’s fine…” Jin trailed off, mumbling and blushing more than a little profusely as he turned to check the book drop box. “Not like I’m ever gonna fuckin’ shoot mine anyway.”
“Oh we are not gonna have that kinda of shit discussion,” Spinner’s hand shot out and grabbed him firmly by the shoulders, spinning Jin in his chair. “On god bro, we’re gonna get you a date one of these days.”
Jin didn’t dignify that kind of lie with a response.
Spinner once again, had the good sense to not push the envelope any farther.
“And in the meantime, you can come to the League meeting tonight!”
“Your gaming club thing?”
“Yeah, it’s Smash night and we need to fill a space sooooo…”
Jin knew Spinner and his roommate—the same friend who he’d gone study room rogue for—had started a gaming club their freshman year. Spinner had been trying to strong arm him into attending ever since. To, as he put it, ‘socialize,’ and ‘make new friends.’ All things which Jin was patently horrible at and avoided like the plague.
Needless to say, he’d refused every time.
It wasn’t just the whole being alone with like two people he kinda knew in a room full of strangers. Games themselves were just a lot for him. The flashing colors and the loud noises made his head—which was already so fucking full all the time and he really needed to keep any extra scrap of space for extra random facts he picked up about you and your future married life together—get a bit misaligned.
They just weren’t his jam most of the time.
“I’m good, thanks for the offer though,” Jin twisted out of Spinner’s grasp and craned his head to check your seat again.
Still empty.
He sighed.
Spinner continued to ramble and Jin continued to only half listen. It wasn’t as pleasant to day dream when you weren’t there for the added visual aesthetic. And he was trying to not be a dick and ignore the one friend he had managed to keep around over the years. But it was hard when his mind had a mind of its own.
Wow.
Meta.
“Jin?”
The voice—deep and dark in such a dramatically ominous way it might have been funny if it didn’t belong to his permanently disgruntled supervisor—interrupted his already derailing train of thought.
“Oh, uh, hello sir,” Jin stuttered, turning to find Kurogiri leaning against the reception desk with one arm, turning only slightly to accommodate Spinner’s form bolting over the gate and out the library doors.
He did manage to throw a fading, “See ya later, bro” over his shoulder before he disappeared around the corner.
Yeah thanks for the warning, bro.
“Aren’t you supposed to be reshelving the books from the drop box?” Kurogiri sighed, perpetually disappointed in a way that had Jin’s face burning and shame bubbling up in his throat.
He hated this job. He was objectively terrible at it, and so usually he wouldn’t give that much of a shit at not doing it well. Kurogiri just had some type of vibe—like daddy but not in the sexy way Spinner always joked about—that made it really, really upsetting to let him down.
Father figure? Yeah that's what it was called.
“Right, yeah um, sorry,” Jin nodded quickly and leapt from his chair, only mildly bruising his knee on the desk as he reached to empty the book drop.
Another incorporeal sigh was the only acknowledgement he received as he loaded the cart with wheels louder than Jin on a particularly bad day and rolled the pile of books back to the stacks. He paused once more, just before the sea green shelving units swallowed him up, to sneak another futile peak at your chair. But it still sat empty—empty and lonely with no you and cold without your body pressed against the worn upholstery.
Jin felt a chill too, a slow tingling thing that worked its way up from the base of his spine. It drove him deeper into the walls of books, away from the empty spaces.
It was harder to look.
Harder to be reminded of what he did not have.
Of what he’d never have cause he was too much of a goddamn pussy to ever just fucking talk to you—
But then what if he did? What if he did talk to you? What would happen then?
Those were the types of questions he tried to avoid when crafting your intricate, fictional lives together. Precisely because they were the easiest to answer.
You’d realize within the first five minutes or so of conversation—if Jin could even make it that far without embarrassing himself—that he was just a generic brand weirdo that all your pretty, normal, aesthetically pleasing friends would warn you to stay away from and because you were also pretty and normal and not a fucking idiot, you’d have the common sense to listen.
He’d lose you in the blink of an eye.
Your chair would sit cold and empty forever and the imaginary garden he’d been planting for you to come imaginarily home too would wilt and die like all the other happy thoughts in his head.
It was quite the conundrum and one Jin was not keen to solve soon.
Not that things ever really went his way. Cause problems could only be avoided for so long before all that time spent ignoring them came back to bite him full on the ass.
Which, apparently, came this time in the form of what had to be quiet, muffled sobbing drifting in between the shelves from the back hallway.
It was dark here in this section of the building—free of most windows so as not to cause any sunning damage to the books—and Jin had seen more than enough horror movies to know that it was a horrendous idea to follow the ominous crying sounds coming from the bowls of this old as fuck building. But even as he made up his mind to ignore it, the hand currently working one of the returns back into its proper place dropped the book to his cart as his feet slowly turned to face the corridor.
He looked around skeptically for a second, not entirely certain his poor brain hadn’t simply malfunctioned again, as it was wont to do, and fabricated the sound entirely. But as he peaked out from between the stacks, and down the dimly lit hall, he heard it again.
Echoey and soft in the wide, empty space it—was definitely coming from the hall and it was definitely a person.
Jin caught himself moving without ever meaning too, the books laying forgotten as he crept towards the source of the noise and paused just before leaving the stacks entirely. This hall was full of small alcoves built into the centuries old walls and led to the lesser used storage portions of the library that only the janitorial staff and the university librarians ever entered. He really didn’t want to stumble across someone from the special collections department bawling over a damaged or lost manuscript.
But his wayward feet pushed him forward, too sympathetic for his own good. He found himself shuffling down the abandoned hall, peering into each small dip in the walls to find the source of his distraction.
And when he did, Jin was—for once in his life—thankful for his lack of self-preservation instincts.
And cursed his blatant lack in interpersonal skills.
Because it was you.
You curled with your knees to your chest and your head in your hands, shoulders shaking, as you cried into your palms.
The universe had handed him maybe the only golden opportunity he would ever get on right on a platter.
But Jin didn’t have a fucking clue what do with it.
And there certainly wasn’t much time to formulate a game plan as his nervous breathing and sudden intake of breath upon discovering his imaginary lover sniffling right in front of him, had certainly alerted you to his presence.
Your head shot up in an instant, knocking dully against the stone wall with a thud.
“Shit,” you cursed and hands flying up to cover the area as Jin jumped on the spot at your outburst.
“Are you okay?” he asked lamely as you glanced over at him, eyes red and wet and so fucking sad oh fucking god, widening as you realized you’d been caught.
“Huh? Ye—oh uh, yes,” your words came out jumbled, legs unfolding quickly to push yourself off the bench and hands wiping furiously at your eyes. “I’m fine, sorry.”
“You sure about that?”
Jin cringed visibly and frowned at the way you deflated under his stare. God the first fucking time he actually talks to you and he already made an ass of himself.
Spinner’s roommate was such a liar, it really fucking sucked to be right sometimes.
“I mean,” you crumpled back down onto the ledge and Jin took a careful step closer, “no, but yes. Like I’m definitely having a breakdown in the back of the fucking library but I don’t wanna, uh, bother you with that. So, yeah I’m good.”
“You can bother me,” he replied way too fucking quickly.
But he couldn’t really be embarrassed about it. Your voice was just so captivating, and you weren’t talking to him in that raised pitch anymore like you usually did—the way everyone does when they’re trying to be surface level and polite. No this was your voice how you sounded when you were relaxing with your friends or making breakfast in the morning or talking to yourself in the shower (he liked to think you did that, or sang maybe as you worked the soap into your skin, one of the two but he always imagined you filled silences with how fucking pretty you were).
“No, really. That would be weird, right?”
Jin grimaced as you fixed him with a watery yet suspicious stare.
Yeah it was weird.
Everything he did concerning you was weird, objectively. He was definitely being over-familiar and too eager, especially considering you didn’t fucking know him.
But he knew you.
Jin felt like he’d known you for all months he’d spent pretending to be by your side.
And you were crying and he had to do something.
“I mean, yeah I guess,” he mumbled, taking a risk and plopped down on the opposite end of the alcove and resting his head on the wall. “But not any weirder than having a breakdown in the employees only section of the library building on a Tuesday.”
You kept staring blankly for a few moments before the most miraculous thing happened.
Jin had to physically stop his jaw from hitting the floor when the quiet giggle bubbled up from your chest and spilled out into the hall, warm enough to melt even the freezing linoleum floor.
“Yeah, you’ve got a point,” your voice cracked a bit as a few more tears slid like pearls down your cheeks.
“My name’s Jin,” he said, shocked stupid both by your laugh and the apparent success of his comforting methods.
“Oh, hi, well I guess I don’t have to call you book drop boy anymore,” you rubbed at your face again and tucked your legs back into your chest, though it looked a bit more relaxed this time.
Not so trying-desperately-to-fade-out-of-existence.
“You called me that?” Jin asked, brain still functioning at half capacity, only shocked at the fact that he existed as a concept in your head enough to have a name and realizing a bit too late how accusatory he must have sounded. “Shit, I mean it’s totally fine I just didn’t think you, uh, well I mean, like, knew about me I guess?”
You finally smiled and his brain power cut out another fourth at being personally graced by the expression this close up.
“Yeah, you always check me out—fuck sorry not that you check me out, just you scan my books and I just called you ‘book drop boy’ in my head cause I never got a chance to ask for your name but I have it now so that’s cool….”
Your head dropped back down to your knees as you groaned and Jin suddenly felt a lot less nervous than he had a few seconds ago.
You were weird too.
For so long you’d existed on this pedestal thousands of feet in the air, and now you were stepping down from the heavens and onto earth. Not in a bad way! Just, Jin had never really stopped to think that you might be a person too.
Well.
No, he knew you were a person, just he never thought you might get flustered and ramble and be nervous in front of him.
Cause he was a fucking train wreck—the bar was so goddamn low.
It was almost as comforting as your smile.
“Oh, yeah sorry I’m not the best at customer service if you couldn’t tell,” he sighed and ran a hand through his wild hair.
You looked back up with a wry grin, “I don’t know, I’d say you’re going above and beyond right now.”
And you were funny.
He was gonna fucking combust.
“Ha, yeah, I try,” he trailed off for a moment before glancing back at your curled in your corner, fuck he could just imagine sitting behind you, your head on his chest while you—”So uh, did you wanna talk about it or…?”
“Uh, yeah,” you picked idly at the grouting of the stone and mumbled, “I guess it’s not so weird if we’re on a first-name basis.
And that was how Jin discovered that you’d been hiding in the back of the library bawling your eyes out for hours—since even before his shift started. Apparently you’d gotten here extra early, even skipped a class, to snag some super specific required text for your final thesis and right before you got to the shelf some jackass swooped in, effectively hit and running with the only copy of that book on campus.
The book in questions was one of the newer additions that had special added footnotes you needed for your paper and was a whopping 500 fucking dollars to rent from every other place online. You couldn’t afford it, and honestly what fucking student could? But you needed it to complete the paper or you’d fail and Jin very much understood the need for a good breakdown after a catastrophe like that.
“Damn, that’s uh, fucking awful,” he frowned on your behalf as your head hit the wall a second time in frustration.
“Yeah so, I’m like royally fucked either way. Now I just gotta decide which hole I’m taking it in I guess,” you groaned.
Jin’s eyebrows raised at your choice of words but they were apt, he supposed. People really do get comfortable with each other pretty quick when bonding over shared institutional rage.
“Well,” he began, wringing his hands nervously at what he was about to suggest. “You might be in luck cause I’ve recently decided to abuse my library powers for good and I maybe, possibly, could try and see if there’s some strings I can pull?”
You perked up a bit, looking at him incredulously.
Jin felt comfortably full under your stare.
“Seriously?”
The word was soft and it bounced off the walls just as much as it did the inside of his skull.
Swapping study rooms to help a friend out was one thing. But falsifying checkout dates for someone he barely knew—had essentially married in his maladaptive fantasies—could get him fired.
He hated this job but he needed it.
Were you worth the risk?
Of course, he found himself thinking without hesitation.
You were everything.
“Yeah, sure,” he nodded, any lingering uncertainty washing away at the way you looked at him through your lashes. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it.”
“Are you always this nice?”
Jin didn’t answer right away. He was too caught up in how you’d leaned forward on your hands across the bench, peering like he was some exotic animal or a stray cat in the parking lot—all soft wonderment with fingers curling like they ached to grab hold and rescue him from this parchment scented monotony.
“Not always…”
“Should I feel special then?”
If his face wasn’t red before, it was now. Red and blistering under the summer campfire heat that radiated off you—woodsy and warm and so painfully familiar like an old friend’s hand.
“...I guess you—fucking definitely, ” he quite nearly shouted the last bit, startled by his own volume and already mortified at the outburst but then you chuckled again from beside him.
He turned to see you standing and offering a hand which he gladly too if only to feel the weight of your palm against his.
“Well, you’ll have to let me pay you back then.”
“Oh, no you don’t actually—”
You held a hand up and the words turned to ash on his tongue in an instant, mouth glued shut by your gesture.
“Coffee on me or something, there’s a nice cafe a few blocks from here,” you dropped your hand and your eyes were clear now, no sign of the previous afternoon sobbing alone in the hallway. Jin felt a surge in his chest knowing he was the one who did that. “You gotta pass off the contraband anyway, and I don’t think it would be that great of an idea to do it here.”
God you were fucking perfect.
“Can’t argue with that.”
***
Jin was sweating profusely as he snuck past the library attendant, totally inconspicuous and not not all looking like he was doing a single thing wrong in the slightest.
Yeah they definitely didn’t suspect a thing.
The process of fraud was actually a lot less complicated of an undertaking that Jin had expected. All he had to do was search up the book, find the student that had stolen the success of his sweetheart’s educational career and flag his account. They’d get an automated message about the flag, instructing them to return any borrowed items or they’d be forced to pay fines while the account was examined.
Technically he needed administrator credentials to report student accounts, but luckily Kurogiri had his login info written on a sticky note hidden on the back of the monitor. All in all it was a pretty easy job.
The whole thing had taken only a matter of days, in which time you had returned to the library only twice—the first to get confirmation on the success of Jin’s newest descent into low level crime which had set his heart thundering in his chest as you bent conspiratorially over his desk, your face just inches from his.
The second time, Jin had horrifically been absent from his desk, however he was met with possibly the most wonderful sight of his life upon returning from the labyrinth of shelves.
On one of the hundreds of post-it note pads that littered the library reception area, there were scribbles that he was sure hadn’t been there before. He almost tossed it, but upon closer inspection, you’d written your number there and signed just below it. In the cutest fucking handwriting he’d ever seen—cute not for any stylistic reason, but it simply felt that way just by virtue of it being yours—was written the digits and “-for book drop boy”
The noise he made reading that turned more than a dozen heads and almost got him fired there on the spot before any of his indiscretions were even discovered, but he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.
So, nerve wrackingly, Jin texted you as he nearly sprinted home from his shift after that piece of shit asshole who made you cry had trudged angrily in and dropped off his ‘stolen’ book.
— HEY IT’S JIN!
— from the library
— shit sorry that wasn’t meant to be in caps
— n e way….
— I’ve intercepted the ~package~ so whenever you’re ready for the hand off, I’m good
Most perfect fucking human being to…
Oh my god thank you so much!!!—
Is tomorrow at like 5ish good for you?—
Also send me your order—
so we don’t have to do that awkward waiting in line for drinks bit—
Holy fuck you multi-texted too! Spinner would roll over in his fucking grave, he hated when Jin did that. But there was always so much to say and he could never think of it all at the same time. Plus, you wanted to save him from that god awful silence where you both stand in line next but he can’t talk cause he has keep repeating his order in his head over and over or he’ll blank when he gets to the register so it’s just this painful weird glancing back and forth—
Ugh, maybe all the shit about manifestation that girl who always loaned him exacto knives in his sculpting class always talked about was real.
Cause there was no way you weren’t just heaven-sent, handcrafted especially for him and all his general brand of weird.
The hours which usually flew by without Jin’s notice dragged all that night. He was so full of excess energy that made his hand shake and his thoughts race, not sure what to do with themselves now that they didn’t need to fantasize about you.
He decided to use all that extra motivation to vacuum the kitchen at 4:30 in the morning, much to his roommates' chagrin. She liked to get a nice solid eight hours every night and constantly reminded Jin of this, trying to sell him on that sleepy time tea before bed, though he really hated the smell of camomile.
Magne may lose out on some of her beauty sleep—not that she needed it and Jin would tell her that constantly, even if he did have some patently horrible judgment most of the time so he wasn’t really the best at offering reassurance—but the kitchen would be clean when she woke up so win-win really.
When she did wake up—wandering out of her room looking effortlessly put together in a way Jin could never hope to emulate—she sat at the table, sipping her tea and appraising him worriedly.
Jin was still in his jeans from the day before, hair spiking in every direction but down, and chewing his nails nervously despite losing most of them to the hour or two of early morning floor scrubbing.
“Babe,” she shook her head slowly, “take a breath.”
“Yeah okay,” he sighed and inhaled deeply, letting himself slide off the couch cushions and to the newly sparkling floors on the exhale.
“There, now wanna share what the hell is going on?”
He glanced up at her from the hardwood and groaned as she looked back down, brows furrowed over her glasses.
“Huhh, okay. So that absolute work of art from the library is meeting me for coffee later cause I have trade over this book I sort of stole, it’s a long story, and I don’t know if it’s a date—it sounds like a date, cause that’s where people go for dates and shit—but it might just be to pay me back for stealing the book. And if it is I’ve only ever been on that one date before which was with fucking Spinner like two years ago so—”
Magne held up a hand to quiet Jin before the speed of his words tied his tongue in physical knots. She looked contemplative, taking another soft sip of tea and nodding her head for a moment getting up to crouch on the floor by his head.
“You think too much for your own good, but never about the right things,” she mumbled, smoothing some of the hair from his face. “Does it really matter if this is a date or not?”
Jin blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Well,” she chuckled in that way people do when kids ask them obvious questions—kindly, appreciative of the curiosity, “either way you cut it, you’ll be spending time with this person you like, yeah?”
“Mhm,” he hummed and sat up to face her as she stood.
“A date is just hanging out with a special name anyway,” Magne’s hands were firm but gentle as she hoisted Jin off the floor and onto his feet. “You’ll be fine.”
His shoulders slumped both in mild relief and dejection that he’d waisted so much precious time he could have been preparing possible topics of conversation or strategies to ask you out for real date on worrying over how this first time would go.
How did Magne always fucking know all this stuff?
Other people were such a mystery to him.
To be fair, though, Jin was a mystery to himself most of the time as well.
“Thanks, sorry for not saying anything about it earlier,” he sniffed as she smiled and pinched his cheek way fucking harder than necessary.
“It’s alright, I’m only a little insulted you waited until now to tell me about this massive crush you’ve developed.”
“Yeah it’s got its own gravitational pull at this point.”
Magne laughed at that and Jin felt the room lighten.
“I do expect details when you get back though,” she said pointedly, finishing her tea wandering back to her room to grab her bag. “Spinner asked me, very begrudgingly might I add, to fill in at another of his club tournament things tonight so I’ll be out late.”
“Really? I didn’t think you liked that stuff.”
Jin shuffled over to her doorway and peaked into the neat little space. Magne was rummaging through the meticulously organized closet and frowning as she answered.
“I do, Spinner just doesn’t agree with my battle strategies,” she huffed. “My alignment is far too ‘chaotic’ and ‘recklessly violent’ for his tastes apparently.”
“Oh, yeah that makes sense,” Jin laughed this time just envisioning the two of them stuck on a team. “Well have fun with that.”
“Yeah well,” she brushed by him into the hall, keys jangling as she went and calling over her shoulder. “Text me how it goes, and wear that new button up you got last week, it looks good on you!”
***
Much to Jin’s surprise and delight, Magne was right.
He was fine.
He was fine.
Fine was a bit subjective—as he was most certainly still highkey panicking on main as he got out of his last class and walked the short few blocks to the cafe on campus—but regardless he was perfectly okay.
Of course that all went right out the fucking window in the split second between him walking in and you already staring at the door as he entered. Your eyes widened just a bit and this smile broke out slowly across your cheeks when you waved him over and it was like suddenly every single creepy as hell day dream had just become reality.
It was a little overwhelming to say the least.
His heart may have actually stopped in his chest for a bit and he did contemplate the possibility that Kurogiri might have actually discovered his little plot, murdered him in cold blood and stuffed his body in the records room. This might all just be the afterlife, but that would mean that Jin had gone to some kind of heaven which didn’t really add up with his current tract record.
But it was fine.
Because you were really fucking easy to talk to.
Like, really fucking easy.
It was sorta strange actually, how you seemed to know all this shit he was into before he even really mentioned it.
After you traded off the goods, you both sat in the big comfy couches upstairs in the loft and you listened to him info dump, inevitably getting lost down innumerable unrelated tangents. You managed to keep up well enough though and not question the winding conversation.
“Damn,” he said, sipping at the last dregs left behind in his cup. “How do you know about all this stuff?”
“Uh,” you paused then, looking maybe just a bit sheepishly into your own drink. “I may or may not have spent a considerable amount of time eavesdropping into your conversations while you’re on shift.”
He saw flashes at that moment—dial up sounds going off between his ears.
Jin.exe has stopped working.
“...What?”
You grimaced and hid your face in your hands for a moment, “I know it sounds really creepy, my friends just sorta made a, um, game out of it? They tease me a lot about going to study at the library just cause of the cute guy that works there, so we all kinda stalk you a little bit just—wow this is sounding exponentially worse and worse every second.”
He gaped a bit despite himself as you cringed visibly and Jin tried to discreetly pinch his thigh to make sure this really wasn’t some sort of cruel, cruel fever dream.
“You think I’m cute…?”
He blinked once and your eyes shot up to meet his, a pained, half smile caught between your teeth. “I mean, yeah. I kinda thought I was being a bit obvious, sorry.”
“What no, holy fuck,” he spluttered, face on fire and legs bouncing restlessly against the couch across from you. “Don’t apologize, I have a, uh, staring habit too I guess.”
“I know,” you rubbed at the back of your neck and Jin didn’t think it was possible for you to be anymore endearing. “I’ve noticed, that’s like the whole reason I insisted on buying you a drink.”
“So wait is this a date?”
Jin wished almost immediately that he hadn’t asked, because Magne was right, it super didn’t matter but fucking shit on a stick he really wanted it to be a date!!!!
“Yeah,” you nodded. “If you’d like that.”
“Yes!—ah, I mean, uh yeah mhm,” Jin choked on his spit with enthusiasm, but it did earn him a concerned shoulder pat so he’d take the win.
It also afforded him the opportunity to walk you home after hours chatting until the streets were lit by burnt orange lamps and the cafe was closing. You didn’t live all that far from him actually and when you stopped to point out your door, the two of you were overcome by that telltale, charged silence.
Filled with potential.
Like a gas stove waiting for a spark to go up in flames.
It was you that struck the match.
“So, um, I promise I don’t just, uh, do this with everyone but, do you wanna maybe come inside,” you let your hand trail down his arm and slip into his palm, “I don’t feel like you’ve been properly compensated for saving my ass.”
Jin’s mouth was watering at the thought. He nodded slowly, eyes like saucers as you pulled him up your steps and through the door which shut promptly behind him.
Your place was nice in the sense that it fit you. He wasn’t really paying all that much attention to his surroundings as you locked the door and squeezed his hand in yours, leading him towards the end of the entrance hall.
When he stepped through to your bedroom, you toed off your shoes and he did the same, staring nervously and waiting for you to show him what exactly you meant by ‘further compensation.’
It was exactly what he’d hoped.
You approached him, still in the doorway, and stepped close so your chests brushed together. It was soft, the way you looked at him, sort of fuzzy around the edges while your hands trailed down his arms to place his palms at your waist.
It wasn’t like Jin hadn’t done this before—he totally had and definitely remembered all of it and wasn’t shit faced at all nope—but it hadn’t really mattered before. He knew in theory that he should take the lead, be a gentleman and make the first move and holy fucking god he was dying over there with the desire to finally live out his months and months of fantasies
But what if he did it wrong?
What if he ruined it now when he was so close to the finish line?
He’d never fucking forgive himself for it, and he could goddamn hear Magne in his head.
“You think too much for your own good.”
And he did, and he was right now, cause the room was only dimly lit by the street light streaming in through the window and you were reaching out to loop your arms behind his neck.
Should he lean down now?
Tilt left or right?
What if he clacked your teeth together?
What if—
Your lips were soft and hot against his, rubbing at the stubble on his chin before pressing close in that precious, puzzle-piece way human bodies fit together. He didn’t do much thinking after that.
His hands were too busy digging into the flesh of your hips separated by way to many fucking layers of fabric, and he couldn’t quite stop himself from indulging just a bit. Jin sucked gently at your lower lip, knees going weak at the glorious fucking sound you made in the back of your throat as he licked over the taught skin and tugged it between his teeth.
He could feel you smiling into his mouth, sharing breath and raking your fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. Jin groaned and you—fucking cheeky little bastard—slipped your tongue right past his lips and licked at the back of his fucking teeth like a popsicle in July.
Your hands in his hair hard tugged and his breath was coming faster, lips gliding against yours as the room turned to steam around him.
Through the haze he clung to the few remaining seconds of clarity.
Jin pulled away for one painful second to mumble against your lips.“You meant have sex, right?”
“Yeah,” your voice was barely more than a whisper, but you nodded frantically and rolled your hips against his.
“Ohh fuck, ‘kay good, thank god.”
For once Jin had nothing more to add.
And you weren't exactly willing to give him back his tongue long enough for any interruptions anyway.
***
“Holy fucking shit, look at you,” Jin gasped into your ear.
Both of your clothes had been discarded long ago, and he had your bare back to his chest while he sat propped against the headboard with your legs hooked on either side of his knees. It didn’t afford him the best view, but he got your head resting on his shoulder and pretty moans spilling right into his ear.
He didn’t need to see your pussy anyway.
The slick pouring out of your pretty fucking hole and coating his fingers as he pumped two of them into you was more than enough. His other hand wandered in the lovely expanse of space between your chest and your waist, running softly over the skin and pausing to pinch and roll your nipples just to hear you whine.
His cock was so fucking hard, trapped between your ass and his stomach, twitching every time you thrust your hips to meet the movement of his wrist.
“Jin, fuck please-”
You used his name every time you begged him for more and it was really going to his head.
“You’re so goddamn perfect, I’m gonna fucking ruin you,” he groaned and sunk his fingers deeper into your soaking cunt while his mouth dropped to your neck and sucked hard to mark you lovely skin.
He licked at the indents of his teeth, tasting your sweat on his tongue that tangled with yours again as your hand reached for his cheek and pulled him in. It was less of a kiss and more of a sloppy forming of your mouths that left you connected by a silvery string of spit that flashed in the low light. Jin sighed at the sight, rutting his hips against the cleft of your ass.
Your thighs twitched where they were spread and your hips lifted off the mattress to meet the languid thrusts of his fingers that curled up on every push in to hear the hitch in your breath.
He took pity on you and brought his other hand down to rub circles on your clit, listening for the telltale whimpers and the way your nails dug into his arm to find the perfect rhythm.
“I don’t really—mm, there fuck—feel like I’m paying you back right now,” you mumbled nipping your own trail of stepping stone bruises onto his throat as he picked up the pace and held steady on that sweet bundle of nerves.
“Are you fucking serious?”
He didn’t really mean to full on growl at you then, but just the thought that you’d really believe he wasn’t about to fucking drown in ecstasy just from watching you get off—just from touching, speaking, being in anyway acknowledged by you at all. Jin nudged your head to the side and bit down harshly into the crook of your neck, shuddering as you moaned and arched against his chest.
In any other scenario, he could never really find the right balance between too many words and not enough. The sheer volume of thoughts and interjections that raced like cars reaching the end of rush hour traffic made the formulation of any coherent conversation impossible, but now—
Now with your body so pliant in his hands, so willing and sweet and wanting him.
Wanting him.
What a concept.
He needed you to understand, to know how fucking over the moon, sunshine bright you had him burning.
And for once, he finally had the words to do it.
After all, he’d had months to prepare.
It was surprisingly easy to change your positions, to pull away from you for just a moment so he could roll and cage you on your hands and knees under him, ass in the air nestled against his cock.
“You really don’t think I’m getting anything out of this?” he groaned into you ear, rocking his length against you both for emphasis and because it felt so fucking good.
“Ah, well ya know,” your voice was so wrecked he was desperate to find out how much it would take for you to lose it entirely. “When you put it like that—mmh—I just feel bad you’re doing all the work. ”
You had this cheeky fucking grin on your face when you rocked forward so back so his cock slipped down to your dripping lips. The heat of your cunt was mesmerizing and it took a fuck ton of self control Jin was unaware he possessed to not ram straight into you right then.
“Yeah cause I’ve wanted to for fucking months goddamn it’s driving me insane.”
“What?”
Now that he’d started, Jin couldn’t find it in himself to stop. His hands dug hard into your hips, rocking so the tip of his dick caught your clit and you shivered below him, hot skin sliding with the motion of your bodies.
“It’s all I think about whenever I see you,” he was shaking when his hand reached down to grip himself, spreading your folds and soaking his length in your slick. “When you come in to work I just fucking lose myself thinking about how bad I want you to be mine, my pretty fucking thing to bring me coffee while I work and let me fuck you in the backroom.”
You whimpered under him, face pressed into the mattress as he draped himself over you, chest to back with his breath ghosting over your ear.
“Literal hours I just sit there at that awful fucking job and I only keep coming cause of you, cause I can watch you sit all cute in your chair and watch the way your cheeks squish up when you put your face in your hands and imagine they’re my hands and I’m about to spit in your fucking mouth so you remember who you belong too.”
“I—” you were nearly choking on the drool that soaked through your sheets as Jin lined himself up with your pretty little hole, pressing just the tip into your heat. “I didn’t think you ever—nggh, shit—noticed much about me.”
The corners of his eyes burned as sweat dripped down his forehead, he had to hold back a sob as he sheathed another inch into those perfect walls.
“Notice you? You’re all I fucking think about,” he pressed his lips softly against your shoulder, hands running from your chest to your sides as you took his cock and every word that slipped from his lips without complaint. “I could take such good care of you. I just fucking know it, just please, let me take care of you?”
“Fuck Jin,” your voice was closer to a sob than anything else but he needs you screaming. “You don’t really have to convince me—”
His patience had run out long ago, not even willing to let you finish before he’d sunk in to the hilt, spearing you on his cock with one final thrust. You ass was flush with his hips and his balls hung heavy and tight against the back of your thighs. The strangled little cry that worked its way out of your throat had gooseflesh erupting across his arms where he held you to him.
Jin couldn’t really be sure—it wasn’t like his brain was all that functional on a day to day basis and it most certainly was not now—but your walls clenching around him and that addictive warm, wet feeling milking his cock was on a whole other level than any fuck he’d ever had before.
There was something about the curve of your back against his chest, and the way you seemed to suck him in, drawing his length back in just seconds after he’d pulled out. Some about the feeling of your chest in his hands, of the sweat on your skin that he licked off in a long strip up your spine. Like you really were made for him. As though all those months spent in dream land, concocting your pretend lives together had spilled over into reality, molding you into the perfect shape to take him deep and hard and cry while you came on his cock just like he knew you were meant to.
“Oh, fuck yeah, gonna make you feel so good, I promise,” he mumbled, forehead pressed to the nape of your neck as his hips drew back and he sunk into you over and over again.
He needed you to moan louder, needed your neighbors on the other side of every wall to hear what he did to you, how he fucked you dumb on his cock and made you drunk with the pleasure of it—slutty and perfect and better than any fantasy he could ever concoct.
The room was filled completely with the wet slap of your bodies—his balls tightening up just at the squelch of you taking him—leaving only enough space for your cries and his grunting, no room left for any bitter doubt to creep in and ruin the sweetness in the air.
He could feel the surge growing in his stomach, the tensing in his thighs as his hips stuttered, but he needed you to cum first. Wanted to tip over the edge to the feeling of you spasming around him, so he let a hand slip from your hip to your folds. Jin only paused for a moment to run a finger around your stretched hole, feeling himself plunging into you, before drifting back up to your swollen clit and working the sensitive bud.
The mattress creaked and rocked along as Jin increased his pace, shifting his hips until his tip knocked against something that had your hands fisting in the sheets and your tongue lolling out in between cries of his name.
You didn’t give him much a warning, not that he minded really. Just a muffled shout with your head smashed into the pillows and the tightening of your walls surrounding him before he felt your whole body wracked with tremors so hard he had to wrap both arms around your middle and hold you while he rammed into you.
Jin wasn’t really keeping track of the filth that was pouring from his lips as he brought himself closer to release. A lot of encouragement, that you were taking him so well, cumming so pretty for him, mixed with a lot of thanks—for letting him have this, have you, for not casting him aside like everyone else always inevitably did.
He did have the clarity to drag one arm up and link your fingers together, pressing hard into the bed while blood pounded in his ears and his hips stuttered in their relentless rhythm. When Jin did finally cum, it was a strangely silent affair, all the words and sound that usually roared inside him dying on his lips as his cock spilled milky release deep inside you and your walls fluttered at the fullness.
And then it was as though every muscle in his body changed physical states.
Boneless, he collapsed onto you with a little huff. You didn’t even complain, just squeezed his hand tighter in yours and hummed at the weight of him.
“Well I think that was a, um,” you panted while he nuzzled his face deeper into your neck, “pretty equivalent exchange yeah?”
“I don’t know,” Jin kissed and nipped at the sweet skin of your shoulder, “I think you might have over paid a bit.”
You laughed, the joyous movement of your chest jostled him from your back and had his soft cock slipping from you in a gush of combined release. “I doubt that very much, I didn’t know I’d be getting to take your fucking load as part of the deal.”
“Shit,” he felt his heart seize in his chest, raising up on his elbows to look down as you turned to him. “I’m sorry, I should have asked.”
Your hand came up to stroke his cheek, clammy but welcome. He sat up enough so you could lay on your back and pull him back down to your chest amidst the sweat and cum slicked sheets.
“Don’t worry about it, I would have asked you to anyway,” you kissed the baby frizz at his hairline and if Jin hadn’t already melted into a puddle, then he certainly was now. “If I’d been able to talk at all.”
“Ha, yeah….”
A short silence descended in your dark bedroom. The noise of cars and the occasional shout filtered in through the window, but there was no other sound than your evening breaths. Jin tried not to ruin the peace while he had it.
It was such a rare commodity.
But he couldn’t say he mourned the quiet when you finally spoke.
“Did you wanna stay the night?” you asked in that soft way he always envisioned you would.
Soft so he’d know it was just a courtesy.
That you didn’t want him to leave.
“Uh, yeah, yes I would,” he stumbled over the words a bit, trying not to sound too eager but wanting you to know he would work a thousands shifts at the reception desk if it meant you held him for just a second longer.
“Good,” you sighed.
He felt you scoot down the bed and flopped onto his back so you could settle your head on his chest and drape an arm across his stomach. After another few minutes he felt you go limp at his side, soft and relaxed as you slipped away into dreams.
But though his muscles ached and his eyes felt heavy, Jin resisted the call to sleep.
He didn’t need to now.
You were here, in the flesh, and he could study you intently while his eyes were open.
No need for his brain to conjure up scattered images of you.
Because he had you now, tucked safely under his arm for him to keep and hold and fuck and love the way he wanted.
So there was no more need for sleep.
And no need for dreams.
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blueboltkatana · 4 years
Text
Have y'all ever thought about the impact that Jaskiers song/s about a Witcher, on other witchers? Because i unfortunately have...
Eskel goes back to the tavern to get his coin for killing the monster that terrorized the village for months. The owner had been hostile about accepting a witcher into his tavern, but the man who had given him the job requested they meet here after he was done (if he survived). It had taken him a whole day to find, kill and finally bring back the monsters head.
When he enters the tavern, he expects deafening silence and hostile glares, instead he finds the whole room singing jovially and out of tune. A middle aged man plays the song on his lute as everyone yells the lyrics and laughs. Some turn to look at him and- ah now they'll stop and glare, it was about time- they grin, see the monsters head in his hand and then cheer. Eskel is absolutely lost. The tavern is cheering his deed?! Since when? The most he ever got was a grateful but wary Thank you and if they were feeling generous, some free ale, but this!?
The patrons kept singing to the catchy tune as Eskel tried to make sense of the situation. It took a few more seconds for the words of the song to register in his brain
Toss a coin to your Witcher!
Oh Valley of Plenty! Oooh!!
Toss a coin to your Witcher
A friend of humanity!
A song that paints Witcher in a positive light?! That made no fucking sense, no one wrote positive songs about witchers, let alone ones that encourage people to pay them! He's just about to sneak to the corner of the bar and quietly wait for his employer to pay him, then mount his horse and leave before the villagers sobered up, when someone, the tavern owner he recognizes, catches his arm and although a bit reluctantly, offers him a free dinner and a room for the night. Needless to say Eskel is shocked, even if his face doesn't show it, but accepts the offer anyway. The song is played at least 3 more times for the rest of the night and he falls asleep with the tune engraved in his mind, and the lyrics dancing in his ears as he dreams.
. . .
Lambert has just entered the small town when a bunch of kids, playing with long sticks and fake swords, see and approach him. He glares down at them to scare them off so they leave before their mothers see and curse him for daring to look at their children. Unfortunately the kids don't seem to have an ounce of self preservation in them since they barely budge. One looks at him straight in the eye and says "Are you a Witcher?" to which he replies "Yes, and unless your parents want me to kill a monster for them then you should move along and not bother me." He expects them to run away now, after the hostility and the glare to go with it, but the kids only look at each other and grin up at him "Cool! Here!" They put their hands inside their trousers and skirts and pull out... A coin? Bronze coins and silver ones, three of them aren't even coins he's pretty sure they're just wooden disks of the same shape of a coin, they hold them up to him and look at him expectantly. But Lambert is so confused that they might as well be asking him to figure out the meaning of life. Finally the kids get tired of waiting for him to make a move and one suggests "Maybe we need to *toss* them at him! Like the song says!" Absolutely genius! All the kids agree and Lambert finds himself being thrown coins at by a bunch of children and that's what it takes for him to snap out of his confusion. "Hey cut that out! God damn it, what do you think you're doing?!" He yells and that finally attracts the attention of a few adults who recognize his attire and swords. Finally, they'd come and take their children away, maybe curse and glare at him a bit, but at least no more weird brats. What happens though, is not expected at all. A round, friendly looking man comes closer to see if everything is ok, he tells the kids to go back to playing then turns to Lambert and Smiles? at him. "Kids take things a bit too seriously he heh. Are you looking for a job?" No outright fear, only caution of meeting a stranger, no hostility, no cursing at him for talking to the kids. Lambert is starting to think he's going insane or this is the friendliest town in the continent. The man takes him to a bar where a bard is singing. The tune is annoyingly catchy, the lyrics though... What the fuck?! That's why the kids threw coins at him?! A friend of humanity?? Was that the reason no one glared at him when he entered the bar? Just how popular was this song?! Who wrote it? Who would write such a song for witchers?!
When he asked the barman he said a bard named "Jaskier" who travelled with a witcher and wrote ballads inspired by his adventures. The song got changed a lot from bard to bard but the Witcher was always called Geralt of Rivia, The White Wolf. Lambert was sooo going to bring that up to Vesemir when he went back home. But for now he needed a job... On his way home he couldn't stop humming the stupid tune...
When Geralt brings Ciri and Jaskier to Kaer Morhen he expects his brothers to either ignore the bard and act like he doesn't exist, or tease and make fun of him until he leaves on his own. He's hoping for the first option even if it's not ideal.
What actually happens though is beyond his imagination... Eskel and Lambert look at him and then at each other. Then their eyes travel to the bard and the princess at his sides. He prepares himself for the jabs that would soon come from Lambert and the mild teasing from Eskel. Nothing comes, they're looking at him, each with a raised eyebrow "welcome back *White Wolf*" they say and he sighs. "Where's Vesemir?" He asks and the two get up. Ignoring his question Eskel asks one of his own "Soo... Is this the famous Jaskier?" And Geralt can physically feel the thin string of hesitance inside Jaskier snap and he steps up to his brothers. "The one and only! It's a pleasure to finally meet Geralt's family! You two are way more handsome in person than what Geralt described you, but again, he is hopeless with details!" The two witchers look at Geralt pointedly and he shrugs, did they expect he'd wax poetry about their ugly faces?
He gives up on trying to understand what the hell is going on with his brothers, and heads to find Vesemir. Ciri stays behind with Jaskier and they seem to be doing just fine, hopefully they won't eat him alive.
It takes Geralt a few days to realize that Eskel and Lambert have no intention on eating alive his bard, actually, they seemed to want to get to know him, befriend him. They looked at him as if he was some mysterious puzzle they couldn't seem to understand.
It takes him a bit more to realize his brothers are fans of his bard!? He would laugh if it wasn't the weirdest shit he'd ever had to see. Two grown ass witchers, following a bard around like puppies, because they liked his songs?! Ciri thinks it's cute and Vesemir finds it hilarious. Geralt finds he's loosing his mind. And Jaskier? The little asshole is enjoying this whole thing too much, he seems more than eager to give them attention and sing songs about their adventures, which they describe in detail "You should learn something Geralt!".
Geralt just wants to catch a break...
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khaleesiofalicante · 2 years
Note
Falls face first
*groans* I'm so tired.
Ok I'm gonna make a list for chapter 1 from what I remember from last night before I die from exhaustion okay let's go this is not chronological my brain is tired
SHUT UP EVERYONE SHUT UP
IZZY!!
Early 2000s were not the best times to be gay...so many references to that time I love 🥺
I was making this collage thing for my tlnd Spotify playlist and I FUCKING PANICKED SO HARD LOOKING THE PICS UP FUCK THEY ARE ALL SO HOT-
Ahem
ANNA AND THOMAS!!
Robert square up bitch. Meet me outside the parking lot we're gonna settle this out. I have a shovel for absolutely no reason I will definitely not be using it to dig your grave
Ok wow Maryse as the commissioner oh wow
Izzy's following in her footsteps 🥺😭
I'm loving these timelines. They make it much more enjoyable somehow
Also ngl a career in politics sounds SO BORING. You do you boo
Alec saying how he didn't really enjoy his time in the military reminds me of that snippet where Magnus was all "our kids shouldn't go" and Alec immediately agreed. Makes more sense now.
Alec he TRUSTED you when he left the tabs open on your computer DO NOT-
Magnus leaving his tabs open means he trusted Alec so much like I can't imagine ever doing this. Alec broke his trust...
Sigh...SHINYUN'S BEEN IN THEIR LIVES SINCE POV 1???? FUCKKKKK
Alec: Magnus won't talk to me about anything
Me, staring in the distance: I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending.
Snooping through emails I would divorce this man so fast good for you Magnus
But also yeah Magnus you do have to communicate a relationship can't be one-sided
YOU TOO ALEC! YOU TOO!
Okay pov 2
AYYY CONGRESSMAN ALEC
Alec: the subways are BAD shit is bad down there
Me, who's currently reading one last stop and the last scene was literally where they had sex on a subway (I read this during class I'm going places): I mean there's a hot lesbian stuck down there with another hot bisexual trying to help her go back to the 70s so it doesn't sound so bad to me-
Baby's gonna do so great as a congressman my love
Ew shinyun shoo go away. Should I perform an exorcism? It appears there is an ugly spirit here with malicious intent
RAFE RAFE RAFE RAFE
Shapes are ugly and boring. Rafe throw your textbook in the pool. Do it.
What is a seven sided figure called anyway? What's the use? Like if I'm stuck on the highway with a flat tire what am I gonna do? Point that the tire is a fucking circle???
MAX MAX MAX MAX
ALEC SENT HIM TO HUG SHINYUN BECAUSE HES WET YESSS BABY RUIN HER CLOTHES!!! DO IT
Hshdjdhdkhdhd Asmodeus is on his death bed. Do you mind if I 🔪🔪
Just speeding up the process ☺️☺️
Sigh shinyun take your manipulative ways and get the fuck out of here. Shoo go away shoo
Oh. The knife. Ohhhhh
You really said "we don't know any covid" good for you babe
Of course shinyun gets her way that fucking bitch I'm gonna get stabby with her
Oof they're fighting 😞😞
Ok let's move on to timeline 3 if I remember anything from the above timelines I'll just shove em in
Sigh. Aftermaths...
ALEC SHOWING THE KIDS AROUND AND INTERACTING WITH THEM GIVE ME A SECOND DUDE-
Kids are so cute
"magic bane" hejdhidhdisjsj
THE GIRL ASKING ABOUT MAX OMG
I got chocolate 💕
Ooo gala
Oh ew he's bringing shinyun
I smell a bitch
"this ain't a build a bitch" except it is and the product is Shinyun
^^ I don't know either bro...😔
There was a line like "I'm done with the divorce let's get back together" (idk I'm not opening discord to see what the line is) THEY WAY I WHEEZED
Honestly from what I've seen in the past two povs...y'all good where you are unless y'all learn how to TALK
Sigh anyway
Rafael big brain except I am biased and am going to side with Alec about shinyun
Ayy the shooting range that's pretty damn cool
OH MAX KNOWS HOW TO HANDLE A GUN? NOICE
President Penhallow is the president we all need 😔😔
"thoughts?" "And prayers" I LAUGHED SO HARD LAST NIGHT LIKE BOY YES
Alec you should really try going out. Just sayin...
Uh okay brain empty now bye
BABYGIRL HOW YOU MAKE ME CACKLE LIKE THIS I WILL NEVER KNOW.
Also why do I imagine you like a 5 foot midget with a knife ready to stab anyone lmao. You are probs taller than me SKDFBHJSKDH.
Thank you for your thoughts. I am love it.
ALSO HOPE YOU ARE READY FOR YOUR VACAY BABES.
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