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1kook · 4 years

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commercial break ; THREE

this is a netflix & chill drabble kook’s pov during their argument in d&b !

summary; But Jungkook loves the sun. warnings; post-fight, drinking, heart ache :( miscellaneous; everyone say thank u kim namjoon 🤩 word count; 1.5k

notes; a lot of people wanted to know his thoughts during the iconic d&b fight scene so here’s the closure we all needed </3

He knows he’s said the wrong thing the second the last syllable departs from his lips.

Jungkook doesn’t mean it, that much he knows right away, but even still… there’s a silent moment of shock between the two of you, one where even he is surprised by his own tongue.

You move first, phone whipping across the room.

Now Jungkook has seen a lot of scary things in his life. He’s seen horror movies and walked through a cemetery at night once. He’s come home way past curfew and had to face the wrath of his normally lenient father. He’s sat front row in his first ever college seminar. Yet none of that fear, that anxiety, that dread, compares to the level of emotion he feels wrap around his throat the moment you get up.

“___, wait,” he calls out frantically, hands shaking the further and further you get. He has to tell you he doesn’t mean it, that he would never mean it. But how do you follow up a statement like that? Even when he catches your eyes, beautiful irises colder than the bottom of the ocean, he doesn’t know what to say. He stutters through an excuse he wouldn’t have believed himself and watches you slip further away.

Jungkook can’t let you leave, not when you’re so hurt and he’s so confused, but what else can he say? He doesn’t know, and when you angrily send him back inside he feels every bit the scolded child. Funny how that works.

He calls and calls until he realizes the muted hum from upstairs is the phone you left behind. He’s crazy and in love, desperately scouring through your social media accounts for a sign you’re safe and home. (You were on Twitter three minutes ago, so that’s a relief.) But even then he can’t relax, turning his own words over and over in his head.

Jungkook values a lot of things in your relationship. There’s a beautiful understanding that comes with being in love, a new sense of comfort he’d never felt before. You make him feel warm and in love, keep him grounded when the world threatens to swallow him beneath its surface. You care for him and he for you.

Where those thoughts had come from, he didn’t know. All he knew was that one minute you were picking at the edges of his patience, and the next he was shooting a dagger into your chest.

Self-reflection, Namjoon had always said, the key point to understanding oneself. Usually, that’s followed by some tips on yoga, on calming the mind, but his leg won’t stop bouncing and there’s a boa constrictor wrapped around his throat so that zen mentality will have to wait for now. A harsh exhale, foot thumping against the floor.

Carefully, he unscrambles his thoughts.

There were times you were childish and, for the most part, Jungkook didn’t mind. You brought out the most beautiful things in life with just your laughter alone. You roped him into doing things he never could enjoy growing up, which made him rekindle his love for old hobbies. If sunshine was a person, Jungkook is sure it was you.

You were bright and ever-burning, always with a mission in your head, even if it was something as small as cleaning your windows that day. A star, he thinks, except your smile alone garners the power of ten supernovas combined. The amount of joy and euphoria you’ve brought him this past year was immeasurable. You made him smile, even when you were tired, rising every morning and setting every night dutifully just like the sun.

But too much sunshine could be hot, scorching even.

His mom had mentioned it once, very early into your relationship, how you were a little too childish for Jungkook. He had angrily defended you, stormed out of his parents' house like he was ready to leave them all for you. (Would he? He likes to think so.) But a mother’s advice always haunted one the most.

Yes, your youthful outlook made his life colorful and bright, but there were times he found himself wondering what it would be like to have someone… not as outgoing.

Someone plain and always collected. Someone who would gently remind him of his deadlines, and watch all his favorite documentaries with him. Someone like him, he supposed, who matched his interests perfectly.

It sounds awfully boring.

It sounds terrible to be damned to such a dull life, especially now that he’s had a taste of you. You, who brings laughter and sunshine everywhere you go, his amazing other half. He’d hate it if you always did what he wanted— he loves when you pick at everything he likes because you let him do it back! Jungkook’s head was a never-ending spiral— that much he’s known from a young age. But with you in his life, it became fun and exhilarating. Gone was the dark tunnel and in its place was a twisty slide with loops and turns that defied all laws of gravity. It wasn’t a scary place anymore and it was all because of you.

You, who he might possibly lose forever. His own negligence was to thank, an inability to voice small issues until they piled up and became this big, warped monster that no longer pertained to his original frustrations. It was an ugly thing, so twisted and vile, taking the thoughts he seldom had and weaponizing them against you.

Was that it? Had those mindless thoughts been the root of today’s brash decisions. Jungkook wants to blame it on that, but part of him knows it’s his own inability to share his feelings that led to that spontaneous outburst. There were obviously some things he still needed to work on, but pinning it all on you, his dazzling ray in the sky, was the worst move he could have made. Self-reflection, he repeats to himself.

His heart is still pounding in his ears, drumming obnoxiously loud as if it wants to torture him for his actions. His phone rings across the room and Jungkook lunges for it, hoping and praying it’s you.

It’s not.

It’s just Namjoon calling to wish the two of you a happy anniversary. “You two having fun?” he teases before Jungkook can get so much as a greeting in.

“Hyung,” he chokes out hoarsely, glancing down at the ground. “I-I said something to ___,” he whispers even though there is no one here to hide from but his own crippling thoughts. “And I don’t think she’s coming back.”

His voice cracks a little. He hides it with a gulp so dry it hurts. “What?” Namjoon asks. “What do you mean?”

Jungkook sighs, running a hand over his eyes. “Are you busy right now?”

—

“You need to go to bed,” Namjoon tells him, ambling the two of them up the stairs. Jungkook snorts, sliding against the entire wall on the way up.

“I refuse,” he announces. He has to pause on the next step because he’s pretty sure there’s about four of the same step whirling before his eyes. Beside him, Namjoon sighs. “Hyung, I can’t see.”

Namjoon rolls his eyes, deciding the stairs are too much of a hassle and guiding them back to the living room instead. “Couch,” he informs him before rather carelessly dumping him onto it. “Listen,” he begins, crouching down beside Jungkook. “It’s like, 4 AM… and I have work tomorrow. So I’m going to leave,” he says, slowly pointing in the direction of outside. Jungkook nods, even though Namjoon is definitely pointing upside-down backward. “Okay, JK?”

“That’s me,” he agrees, letting his head slump back against a throw pillow. Namjoon groans.

“That is you,” he concedes. “And you need to sober up before you try talking to ___ again.”

The mere mention of your name turns a switch on inside him. “Can’t,” he whines, features twisting up together. “She hates me. Will cut my balls off.”

Namjoon goes to protest but eventually stops himself. “Yeah, well. Probably.” Jungkook wails at his friend’s poor attempt at consoling him. “Sleep a little and then head over to hers, okay?” He pats him on the cheek once before finally making his exit.

Jungkook can’t believe this. How embarrassing. If you saw him right now, you’d clown him for getting this drunk off wine. But he truly understands it now. It was the devil’s drink, so sweet and cooling only to suddenly slap him across the face with his own insobriety. Oh, his head was going to ache badly later.

Well, that was a problem for later’s Jungkook, he decides as he slinks off the couch and back into the kitchen. There’s a new box of cherry vodka he’d bought just for tonight—or last night, technically—because he knows it’s your favorite. And well. He misses you so much he’ll do anything to feel close to you again.

He’s not sure how long he sits on the floor, swing after swing going down his throat until he’s got three extra fingers and a new middle name. Just that when the sun finally filters through, so warm and bright, he finds himself missing you again. His feet take him out the door before he can think twice.

The morning rays bring with them a wicked headache that almost has Jungkook throwing up into his bushes. Part of him, the last droplet of reason, tells him he should change. He’s wearing the same clothes from yesterday and they reek. Furthermore, the sun is hellbent on soaking up every inch of his black clothing.

He should change if he doesn’t want to suffocate in this heat, under this blazing sun in the sky.

But Jungkook loves the sun.

He walks on.

—

#goldenclosetnet #bangtanhq #jungkook fic #jjk fic #mine

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soobiniebaby · 3 years

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Angels & Devils Part XVI : Time’s Up

Tomorrow x Together Fanfiction

~ p a r t s : main post || prologue || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4 || part 5 || part 6 || part 7 || part 8 || part 9 || part 10 || part 11 || part 12 || part 13 || part 14 || part 15 || part 16 || part 17 ~ p a i r i n g : love triangle involving choi soobin and choi yeonjun ~ g e n r e : high school au | some social media au | some fluff & angst | childhood friends | love triangle ~ l a n g u a g e : English ~ w a r n i n g : contains swearing, alcohol, kissing (?) and may contain mature themes (angst, etc.) ~ a / n : This will be my first fanfic (go easy on me pls) and i’m just writing this as I go along, so bear with me juseyo The setting (place/country) of the story is up to the reader’s interpretation ~ s u m m a r y : What should she choose? Han Baby: the new girl with a troubled past MO Academy: her new high school Choi Soobin: student council president, member of the Ecosave club, volunteer at the Humane Treatment of Animals, member of the Honor Society, a vocalist in the Jazzed club, the school’s all around golden boy Choi Yeonjun: leader of the Dance club, star of the Jazzed club, the school’s it boy with a bad rep 5 best friends, 1 new girl, 1 childhood friendship, 1 epic love triangle? What will this school year bring?

Yeonjun’s night wasn’t going so well.

All he wanted was to take his girlfriend to one of the biggest school dances of the year, to pick her up from apartment and have his breath taken away but how undoubtedly gorgeous she’d look, to hold her hand in the backseat of his car and maybe toast with a glass of white wine as his driver takes them to the dance, to take silly and sweet photographs as they enter the venue, to watch every guy’s drop as he walks in with her drop-dead gorgeous self into the hall, to hold her close and whisper sweet nothings in her ear while they slow dance under the twinkling lights and fall petals floating down, and to make it a night they’ll never forget as they make their way back to her place after the dance for their own private “afterparty.”

Yet, he found himself in a throng of kids around his age who he knew would be able to live as lavishly and extravagantly as they wanted to without having to work a single day in their lives, striving to make dull conversations about who threw the latest reckless parties and who hooked up with who and who did this that and so on and so forth. For a “business” party, and it was less on networking and more on gossiping and hooking up for these kids. When his father sprung his mandatory attendance at this event, Yeonjun had initially thought of asking B to come with him so that they’d at least be able to spend the evening together, whether it be at the Fall Ball or not, and he knew that her presence would make it so much more bearable. But as soon as he heard who was hosting the event, he knew inviting B would be a bad idea. Because the event was being hosted by none other than Kim Jisoo, successor to the biggest Technology Firm in the country.

And Yeonjun was quick to learn that wherever Kim Jisoo went, Park Rose was sure to follow.

And right on cue, he spots her.

Her long red hair fell down her shoulders like a velvet curtain, her figure flaunted by the blue slip dress that hung off her body elegantly. She spots him at the same time and gives him a wave. Again, he feels as if he were transported 2 years back to the past, feeling tongue-tied and breathless in her presence. He shakes it off before waving back to her, and she makes his way towards him.

“Hey babe, I wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon.” Rose says, instinctively leaning in to kiss his cheek.

“It’s a party hosted by Kim Jisoo, so my father forced me to come tonight. And I’m not your babe.” he says, though he makes no move to avoid her kiss on his cheek.

“Sorry, I guess it feels a bit weird seeing you again after we’ve broken up. It’s a habit, I guess.” she says, giggling. “Did you come here alone tonight? No friends? Where’s your girlfriend?”

“Yeah, my friends and girlfriend are actually at MO Academy for the Fall Ball. I’m actually gonna ditch this party as soon as I can then head on over to the school dance, but don’t tell Jisoo cause she might not let me go so easily.” he says, taking a sip out of the champagne in his glass.

“Ah, the Fall Ball. I remember how beautiful the last one was. Remember, they covered the whole dance floor with autumn leaves? Then I sprained my ankle when that song by Twice came on and I couldn’t help but dance along.” Rose laughs, fondly remembering the evening. “A swollen ankle wasn’t enough to spoil our little afterparty at The Eastwood though.” she says, referring to the hotel they had booked that night and the hours they spent tangled in the sheets.

“Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be even better this year since the guys and I are the student council leaders now.” Yeonjun says, brushing off her comments about the past.

Rose pouts. “Come on, lighten up Junnie! No need to pretend that you and I are strangers. We’re friends, right?”

Yeonjun raises a brow. “Yeah, sure, friends.” It was something he never thought of Rose as, but given their situation, it felt like an appropriate label. “As a friend, do you want to go around and do that thing we used to do at lame parties like these?” he says, another memory of them popping up.

Rose giggles, remembering how they used to go around the party, pick a couple or group to watch, and make up dialogue for them. It was a fun and entertaining way to get it through a night like this, surrounded by shallow and stuck up trust fund kids. “Ah, now that’s what a friend at a party like this is for.” she says, her eyes quickly scanning the room before landing on a group of people. “Okay, look over there, let’s call the man Mr. Bass, and let’s say he’s got his arm wrapped around his girlfriend yet he’s so obviously flirting with their companion Mr. Archibald…”

The rest of Yeonjun’s time at the party was spent that way, with him and Rose going around the room, people-watching, dialogue-making, story-telling, sipping on Chardonnay and laughing together just like the good old days. The best dialogue they made up was one between Rose’s own friend group, Jisoo, Jennie and Lisa, wherein the pair of them made up a story about how Jisoo and Lisa were trying to outshine each other for Jennie’s affection.

“Wow, Rose, I have to admit that when I stepped foot into this place, I never would have thought I’d actually have fun tonight.” Yeonjun says after they sneak away in a fit of giggles. “Our dialogues tonight weren’t the best, but I’ve gotta say, the one with Lisa, Jennie and Jisoo was genius. Is there any truth to it, or is it purely fiction?”

“Well I made up the scenario, but honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if a bit of it ended up being true.” Rose says, nursing the wine glass in her hand. “I have to say, I thought tonight would be just another night of me glued to the same 3 girls I’ve been stuck with the past year, so thank you. I had fun with you tonight.”

Yeonjun smiles at her. “Speaking of Jisoo, do you think it would be safe for me to leave now? The dance will be ending in about an hour, and I’d really like to catch at least a bit of it before the night ends.”

“Oh, you can’t just slip out cause that might get you on her bad side. You have to come and say goodbye to her, but don’t worry, I’ve got a fullproof plan to ensure that she’ll let you go.” Rose says, giving him a smile before taking a sip of wine.

“Follow my lead.” Rose whispers to Yeonjun, linking their arms together before approaching Jisoo, Jennie and Lisa.

“Hey girls, where have you been all night? I feel like I haven’t seen you around.” Rose says, greeting the 3.

“We could say the same about you. I was starting to worry about you, I feel like I haven’t seen you all night!” Jisoo exclaims, before her eyes settle on the man Rose had on her arm. “But I guess I had no reason to worry after all, looks like you found yourself some company.” she says, smiling knowingly at the pair. “Hello Yeonjun, I’m glad to see you were able to make it to my party tonight.”

“It’s my pleasure, Jisoo.” Yeonjun says politely. “I really had fun.”

“Yes, tonight was fun, but I hope you don’t mind if I leave and take Junnie here with me?” Rose says, giving a pout. “I think I’ve had a little too much to drink and I’m not feeling well. Yeonjun has offered to drive me home.”

Yeonjun subtly raises a brow at her, but she throws him a quick wink.

“Oh no, are you okay? You look like you should lie down.” Lisa says, her brows furrowed with concern.

“Don’t worry about her, ladies. I’d be glad to give her a ride home and make sure she’s okay.” Yeonjun says, quickly catching on to Rose’s plan.

“Oh, Yeonjun dear, thank you so much!” Jisoo squeals, quickly leaning forward and giving him a peck on the cheek. “You’re such a darling. Thank you for looking out for our dear Rose.”

“No problem at all.” Yeonjun says. “We’ll be on our way now, I think Rose really needs to lie down.” he says to Rose, who dramatically puts a hand over her forehead.

“Yes, I think I really do. Thanks again, Yeonjun. Girls, I’ll see you all soon. And Jisoo, I’m sorry I have to leave early, I promise I’ll make it up to you.” she says, batting her eyelashes at the girls.

Jisoo waves a hand in the air. “Nonsense, your presence here tonight was more than enough. You too, Yeonjun! Thank you for coming tonight.”

The pair waves at the 3 girls one more time before they walk away, snickering and giggling.

“Wow, that was genius. Thanks, Rose.” Yeonjun says. “I guess I’m free to go now. Do you, uh, do you really feel sick? Do you want me to give you a ride home?”

Rose laughs. “Am I that good of an actress? No, I feel perfectly fine, that was just an excuse so Jisoo would let us go. But I wouldn’t mind a ride home, thanks.” she says, smiling at him sweetly. “I mean, you owe me now so it’s only fair that I get a free ride home.”

Yeonjun shakes his head, smiling as he pulls out his phone and texts his driver to pick him up at the front entrance. “Alright, let’s go then.”

Yeonjun had to admit that his evening wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. He was worried that he wouldn’t be able to escape from the party, but here he was in his car with his driver driving away from it. He was dreading having to see his ex again, but he was pleasantly surprised by how her company had made the night tolerable, or fun even. The ride to her house wasn’t a very long one seeing as she lived in the same neighborhood as Jisoo did, but the whole time was spent with the 2 of them laughing and reminiscing, just like the good old days.

“Ah, here we are.” Rose says as the car stops in front of her house. “Junnie, I just wanted to say thank you for tonight.”

Yeonjun smiles at her as his driver gets out of the car and opens the door open for her. “No problem, Rose. I had fun too, thanks to you.”

Rose gives him a smile back, and before he knew it, she was leaning in and he was closing his eyes as her lips met his, melding together like 2 pieces of a puzzle. She tries to deepen the kiss by tangling her hands in his hair, but he pulls away, drawn back to the present-day reality.

“Rose, sorry, I can’t do this. I’m in love with someone else.” he says, his lips stinging as the guilt starts to hit him. “And I’m leaving to go meet up with her right now. Look, I had fun tonight, but like you said, we’re friends. Nothing more.”

Rose sighs, retracting her hands from his shoulders. She sits up, straightening out her dress before she says “Friends. Right, thanks again for tonight Junnie.”

As she stands up and exits the car, she takes one look back at him. “Whoever you love now, I hope they know how lucky they are. But I also hope you know that I don’t think you and I will ever be just friends, and tonight was proof of that. I’ll always love you, Junnie.” she says, giving him a small wave before she walks away, slamming the car door shut behind her.

Yeonjun watches her walk up to the front door, wanting to make sure that she’d make it into her house safely. Once she was out of his sight, he lets out a deep breath, one he didn’t realize he was holding in his chest. He leans back against the car seat, running a hand through his hair. His night wasn’t going the way he thought it would, but hopefully meeting B at the Fall Ball would set things back on track.

Or so he thought.

•°•

He wasn’t expecting the pang of jealousy that hit him when he finally saw B at the Fall Ball.

She was right when she said that his jaw would drop when he saw her dress. She looked breathtaking, and he smiled to himself when he noticed that her blue dress matched his blue hair perfectly. But when he noticed that she was on the dance floor with her face buried in some other guy’s chest and this guy’s hands around her waist, he felt his blood boil.

How dare someone else hold his girlfriend like that.

But as they sway to the music and they shift their positions, Yeonjun finds himself surprised when he finally gets a look at the guy’s face.

It was Soobin. Yeonjun should’ve known by the way he towered over B, and because of the fact that he had asked Soobin to step in for him until he could make it to the dance, but the feeling of seeing him hold B that way shocked Yeonjun.

He felt betrayed.

He trusted Soobin enough to know that he would never make a move on his girlfriend behind his back, but he couldn’t deny the sparks he saw whenever Soobin and B were together. All the way back from the first day of school when Soobin caught her from falling down the front steps of MO Academy, to Hueningkai’s birthday party when Yeonjun was people-watching and he noticed how Soobin had his eyes fixed on B the whole night, to the night of his birthday party when he noticed how flustered Soobin got when he had to kiss B, to tonight when he saw how intimate Soobin and B looked locked in each other arms on the dance floor.

He knew he wasn’t the best boyfriend, especially given the fact that he had kissed his ex girlfriend a total of 2 times now behind his current girlfriend’s back, but he couldn’t help the jealousy that was starting to pound into his ears. He knew that B got jealous too, and maybe she had good reason to given his history with Rose, but those were both mistakes. Those kisses weren’t his fault, and it was only normal for him to feel a little jealous too, seeing her with another guy.

Before he knew what he was doing, his feet were guiding him towards the pair on the dance floor and he finds himself tapping Soobin on the shoulder.

He sees a flash of something in Soobin’s face when he turns and sees Yeonjun standing there, but he ignores it. Instead, he smiles and says “Excuse me, but may I interrupt?”

B’s head snaps out of Soobin’s chest then, her eyes meeting his now, wide with surprise.

“Yeonjun! Y—you’re here.” she exclaims, jumping out of Soobin’s arms and towards Yeonjun.

He smiles at her endearingly. “Hey, Baby. I made it right on time.”

He watches as her eyes shift between him and Soobin before she smiles and gives Yeonjun a hug. He engulfs her in his arms, kissing the top of her head, his nose scrunching up when he realizes that her smell was tainted with hints of baby powder and vanilla. Soobin’s scent.

Soobin gives him a pat on the back then. “Glad you could make it. Cleaned up pretty nicely, too.” Yeonjun smirks. Of course he made sure to look his best. He had an extra shirt, tie and coat tucked away in his car and he changed on the way to MO Academy.

“Are you flirting with me?” he says jokingly. “Thanks for taking care of my Baby for tonight, Soob.” he says, purposely wrapping an arm around B’s shoulders and pulling her to his side.

“Don’t mention it. You 2 enjoy the rest of the night now, I’ll see you back at the table.” Soobin says, flashing a warm smile before he retreats, turning his back to them.

Yeonjun nods at him and watches as he walks away, but before he can get very far, B suddenly takes a step forward and reaches for his arm.

“Soobin, wait.” she says, causing both of the boys to freeze. Yeonjun stares at her hand clutched onto the ends of Soobin’s sleeve as Soobin looks back at her.

“Yes, B?” he asks tentatively. Cautiously.

B’s silent for a moment, and although her back was turned to Yeonjun, he could tell that she was struggling to say whatever it was she wanted to.

“I just wanted to say, um, thank you. For tonight.” she finally says, and Yeonjun feels a pang of guilt in his chest as he recalls how Rose had sad the exact same thing to him earlier that night before they shared a kiss.

“No problem, B. The pleasure was all mine.” Soobin says, smiling warmly at B and giving Yeonjun a small nod before turns and disappears into the crowd.

As Soobin walks away, Yeonjun wraps his arms around B’s waist, resting his chin on her shoulder, mildly disturbed to once again catch a whiff of baby powder and vanilla. He leans in close, close enough so that his lips would brush against her ear as he whispers “You wanna dance, Baby?”

She turns to face him, a bright smile on her face. “I’d love to.” she says.

Yeonjun grins, subtly rubbing his face in the crook of her neck, hoping that some of his scent would rub off on her skin to get rid of Soobin’s smell, before he grabs her hand and spins her around on the dance floor, causing her to squeal and giggle.

Back at table 21, Soobin watches as B lays her head on Yeonjun’s chest, her hands laid on his shoulders as his arms circled around his waist, and he tries to put himself in Yeonjun’s place, which he was in up until a few moments ago. He watches as the 2 of them slowly move to the rhythm of the mellow music, and he watches as Yeonjun plants a gentle kiss on B’s forehead as the song ends, until a new one starts and they start dancing again.

And again.

He watches until Taehyun finally announces that the Jazzed club had already performed their final song for the night, and that the DJ will be accepting song requests.

He watches until Taehyun, Beomgyu and Kai finally get off stage and join him at their table, Yuna eventually joining them too, taking her place beside Kai.

“Soobin?” Taehyun asks, noticing how spaced out Soobin looked.

“Hm?” he responds, his eyes still absentmindedly watching the couples still dancing in the ballroom, or at least, on one couple in particular.

“Are you okay?” Taehyun asks, nudging him until Soobin’s eyes meet his.

Soobin forces a smile. “I’m good, yeah.” he says, leaving Taehyun unconvinced.

Taehyun takes a quick look around their table, making sure that Kai and Yuna wouldn’t hear him, before he leans in a bit closer and says “I saw you dancing with B earlier, and it looked like things were going well. What happened? Where is she?”

Soobin hesitates, chewing on his bottom lip before he tries to subtly tilt his head in the direction of the dance floor. Taehyun follows the direction, confused at first, until he spots a familiar head of blue hair in the crowd and the girl he had his arms around.

“Ah.” Taehyun quietly says, looking back at Soobin with a regretful look in his eyes. He gently pats his hand over his on the table. “So he came.”

Soobin smiles at him again, a little more genuine this time. “Yes, and I’m glad he did. Look how happy she is now that he’s here.”

“Mm-hm, I mean she looked pretty happy when I spotted you 2 on the dance floor earlier, but if it means anything, at least Yeonjun kept his promise. I was worried he wouldn’t make it, knowing how strict his dad is when it comes to business endeavors.” Taehyun says. “When did he get here?”

“Um, about 30 minutes ago?” Soobin says, trying to count the number of times he watched Yeonjun kiss the top of B’s head with every song that ended. “They’ve been dancing since he got here.”

Taehyun raises a brow. “Well, we all know how much Yeonjun loves to dance. I’m sure they’ll stop by the table to rest for a bit though. Are you sure you wanna be sitting here for the rest of the night? You could ask someone to dance with you, or go for some refreshments.” Taehyun offers. “Gyu and I will just resting for a bit before we hit the dance floor.”

“Yeah, my date’s been too busy dealing with last minute crisises all evening, we haven’t danced to a single song.” Beomgyu suddenly butts in, whining.

“It’s crises, not crisises.” Taehyun corrects him, grimacing yet inwardly wondering how he ended up falling for someone who could make such an adorably simple grammatical error. “And I promise we’ll dance soon. I’m just checking on Soobin.”

“Oh no, please, go ahead and dance. You guys should enjoy your evening.” Soobin says, feeling embarrassed now. “You don’t have to worry about me, I’m perfectly fine. I’ll be heading out and making rounds in a bit to check if everything is going smoothly anyway.”

“You heard him, c’mon Tyun, Soobin’s a big boy who can handle himself perfectly fine.” Beomgyu says, tugging on his date’s arm.

Taehyun looks around the table, noticing that Kai and Yuna had already left and were probably somewhere on the dance floor. He gives Soobin one last look before he sighs. “Alright, whatever you say. But if you need anything, don’t hesitate to let me know, okay? I’m here for you.” he says, gently squeezing Soobin’s shoulder before letting himself be dragged away by a very persistent Beomgyu.

Soobin watches as Beomgyu drags him right to the middle of the dance floor, the crowd magically parting to let them through. All eyes seem to be following them as Beomgyu flamboyantly wave an arm in the air before holding his hand out to Taehyun, who rolls eyes before taking his hand, letting out a squeal in surprise as Beomgyu suddenly twirls him around before pulling him towards him, the 2 boys chest to chest with Beomgyu’s hands on Taehyun’s waist as they start to sway to the music.

“Wow, look at that. Who knew Gyu and Tyun would be so freaking adorable together?” B says, watching in awe as all eyes lock on the 2 boys in the middle of the dance floor.

“I have to admit, they are pretty cute together.” Yeonjun says, leaning down to whisper in B’s ear. “But I think we’re cuter.”

She giggles as his breath tickles her neck. “Oh, hush. Look at them! They look amazing together.” she says, and right on cue she sees Beomgyu say something in Taehyun’s ear and the younger boy rolls his eyes but then suddenly smiles at the former, unable to stop himself. “They’re definitely cuter than us.”

“Stop saying that, we’re adorable!” Yeonjun huffs. “I even ducked out of that stupid business party and rushed over here just so I could see you tonight.” he pouts playfully. “If that’s not adorable, then I don’t know what that is.”

“Sweet, that’s what it is.” B says, reaching up to cup his face in her hand. “The sweetest, actually. Thanks for being here, Junnie. It means a lot to me.”

He smiles easily, his cheeks warming up as she looks up at him. “It’s my pleasure. Anything for you, Baby.” he says, pulling her closer. “Because I love you.”

Now it was her turn to have her cheeks heat up. She lets out an awkward laugh, flustered. “Thanks again.” she says, not sure if she was ready to tell him she loved him back yet. “How was your evening, by the way? Was the party boring? Are you tired?” she asks, wanting to change the topic.

He laughs, knowing she was shy. “Ah, it wasn’t much of a party. It was more like a gathering of boring rich people trying to out-talk each other about who’s richer and who’s business is doing better and whatnot. It was physically and mentally draining to be there, but I feel so much better now that I’m here with you.” he says, as smooth as ever.

B raises a brow. “You always know what to say, don’t you?” she says. “My feet are starting to kill me in these heels. Do you think we can take a little break and sit at the table?”

Yeonjun nods, easily accepting her suggestion. “Whatever you want, Baby.” he says, leading her away from the dance floor and back to table 21, surprised to see that it was empty.

“Wow, I guess all the guys are busy with their dates.” Yeonjun says, sitting down after pulling a chair for B. “I wonder if Soobin has found someone to keep him company tonight, too.”

B’s eyes search the crowd, spotting their friends one by one, save for the said boy. “Ah, if Soobin’s not at the table he’s either getting some refreshments or dealing with behind the scenes stuff to check if things are running smoothly.”

“How are you so sure he’s not dancing with anyone?” Yeonjun asks, raising a brow.

“I’ve been trying to convince him to ask a girl to dance all night, but I guess he’s just taking his duty as Student Council President too seriously to relax and enjoy himself.” B says, shaking her head.

“That sounds like Soobin.” Yeonjun says, taking a quick peek at his phone before setting it down on the table. “Speaking of refreshments, want anything? I could get you a drink or maybe some snacks?” he offers.

B nods. “Oh, yes please! I mean, I knew you love to dance, but I don’t think I can keep up. I need to rehydrate before I step foot on the dance floor again.”

Yeonjun laughs. “My body’s used to it from all the hours I’ve spent training and practicing.” he says. “Okay, you sit tight and I’ll be right back with a couple of drinks, alright?” he says, planting a quick peck on her forehead before making his way to the refreshments table on the other side of the event hall.

B takes the time alone to marvel at the evening, from the beauty of the event hall to the performances by the Jazzed club to Yeonjun appearing right on time. She crosses her legs under the table, absentmindedly tapping her foot to the beat of the music, counting the number of couples dancing past their table, until she feels a buzz on the table and hears the ring of a message alert tone.

Her eyes instinctively move towards the direction of the sound, moving down leading towards Yeonjun’s phone on the table.

Upon seeing what the notification was for, she wishes that she didn’t follow her instincts.

She feels her entire body go cold, her eyes repeatedly reading the message until the screen goes black, the words etched in her mind. Surely, there must have been some mistake. Maybe she just was just seeing things. Before she can convince herself that her eyes must’ve been playing tricks on her, Yeonjun’s phone rings, the screen lighting up with a new message, the messages displayed on his lock screen clear as day.

Before she could fully stomach what she was seeing, Yeonjun returns to the table with 2 wine glasses in hand, taking his seat next to her. He was saying something about how he spotted a few couples getting a little too intimate on the dance floor, but his voice just sounded garbled to her. All she could do at the moment was try to absorb and make sense of what she saw and figure what she would do about it.

Yeonjun grabs her hand on the table then, snapping her out of her thoughts as he notices that she hadn’t been paying attention to a word he was saying. He turns her palm face up and lightly traces along the lines and creases, knowing how much she liked it when he did that.

“Baby? You okay?” he asks, concern plastered on his face.

She wanted to say ‘Yeah, it’s nothing’ or maybe something like ‘No, but let’s talk about it later.’ But before she could collect her thoughts and compose herself, her mouth spoke out the words without her consent.

“Were you with Rose tonight?”

Yeonjun freezes, his hand going still over hers, and her heart sinks as she realizes that it was true.

“Why would you think that, Baby?” he asks carefully, and her heart sinks further, lurching somewhere in the pit of her stomach.

“Yeonjun. Were you with her tonight, and did you give her a ride home?” she asks, and when he doesn’t respond, she continues. “You left your phone face up on the table when you left to get drinks. And while you were away, the screen lit up with a text message from her. I wasn’t trying to snoop or anything, I never had any reason to doubt you or feel the need to worry about you hiding anything from me. Until now, that is. All I did was look down and I saw it without even meaning to, so if you were gonna hide it from me, you should have tried harder. Heck, it’s like you didn’t even try to hide it at all.”

“Baby, no—” he begins, but B’s eyes widen as another thought comes into her mind and she interrupts him, the words pouring out of her mouth as the thoughts enter her mind.

“Oh god, you didn’t even try, did you? You were with her and you didn’t even try to hide it. Is it cause you wanted me to find out? Is this your way of saying that you don’t wanna be with me anymore? Is this your messed up way of letting me know that you’ve been seeing her and maybe you didn’t know how to tell me so you leave your phone here on purpose so I’ll see it and get the hint?”

“It’s not like that.” Yeonjun says, his eyes trying hard to relay what he was feeling.

“I get it. You wanted to be with her tonight so you go to that stupid business party but then come here to break things off with me? Or heck, maybe you wanted to get lucky with me tonight before breaking things off with me to be with her, is that it? That’s what Choi Yeonjun does, love ‘em and leave ‘em, right?” she says, her tone becoming less shocked and confused and more frantic and spiteful.

Yeonjun looks at her, the hurt in his eyes apparent in his face. She was spiraling, the thoughts swirling around in her head growing more twisted and mixed up the more she thought about it, but she couldn’t help it. Her thoughts were coming out unbidden, as if her mind was flooded and her mouth was a stream just letting it all out

“Baby, Baby please, listen to me. Let’s go outside, someplace quiet.” Yeonjun says, standing up and begging her with his eyes to follow him. “Baby please, come on.” he pleads, lightly tugging on her hand.

She takes a deep breath and nods almost mechanically, standing up and following his lead. As he guides her through the crowded event hall and out into the hallway, he keeps looking back at her to see if she was still following, but whenever his eyes met hers, it felt like she wasn’t even there. They pass by Soobin on their way out, speaking to the security team at the entrance about the guest list and the tickets. When Soobin catches sight of Yeonjun looking tense and B following behind him, he’s confused. When his eyes meet Yeonjun’s, they’re full of nothing but concern, but Yeonjun just shakes his head at him without stopping.

He only stops when they reach the parking lot, the sound of music playing from the event hall almost inaudible outside in the chill of the night. As a gust of cold wind blows between them, he attempts to offer her his coat to keep her warm, but she holds her hand up, unbothered by the cold.

“Yeonjun. I need you to tell me what’s going on right now, because I swear, I’m going out of my mind trying to comprehend what I saw.” B says, her voice oddly calm and detached.

Yeonjun takes a deep breath before he begins, saying a little prayer that things would go well. “Okay, yes, I was with Rose tonight. The business party I attended was hosted by Kim Jisoo, and if my birthday party was any indication, where Kim Jisoo is, Rose naturally would be there too.” Yeonjun admits. “I wanted to invite you to come to the party with me, but I knew how excited you were for the Fall Ball and I didn’t want to ruin your night by forcing you to come to this stupid party with my ex present, so I thought it would be better if I simply stopped by the party for a bit and then spend the rest of my night here with you.”

“So is that supposed to make me feel better? And what makes you so sure I would’ve preferred going to the dance without you over going to some stupid party with you?” B asks, her frustration growing. “Why did you make that decision for me? And if you felt so forced to attend this stupid party, why did you have to spend the evening with her? Why did she feel the need to text you then? Were you hanging out with her the whole time? Did you even try to keep your distance from her after I’ve told you how uncomfortable I feel about you with her?”

“Baby, that’s not fair, I was just—”

“You know what’s not fair? You attending a party knowing fully well that your ex would be there. No, wait, I know your attendance at the party and the attendance of your ex at the party is something beyond your control, but Yeonjun, you could’ve at least told me about it! You could’ve given me a heads up, you could’ve simply let me know instead of doing it behind my back.”

“Baby, the only reason I didn’t tell you is because I didn’t want to ruin your night and I didn’t want you to feel bad. I was just trying to protect you!” Yeonjun says, his voice raising slightly when hers did.

B looks at him incredulously. “Wow, protect me? By lying to me? Yeonjun, I’d rather live with the hard cold shitty truth than live in blissful ignorance with a lie. And can you honestly say that the only reason you hid this from me was to protect me? There’s no other reason why you didn’t tell me?”

Yeonjun hesitates, only for a moment, but seeing it made B flinch. Over the course of their relationship, there were a few things that she had taken notice of about Choi Yeonjun. When he was excited about something, his voice would go a few octaves higher. When he was nervous about something, he would bounce on the balls of his feet nonstop. And when he was lying about something? He would take a deep breath and his eyes would fall to the ground, which is exactly what he did just now.

Upon seeing her flinch, Yeonjun starts to panic, feeling a sense of alarm, as if he could either make or break the situation depending on how the next few moments play out, as if there were a ticking time bomb and he only had a few minutes to defuse it before it exploded.

“Baby, look, Rose means nothing to me. Seeing her tonight was just a chore, and I only hung around her cause my father wants me to stay on Kim Jisoo’s good side, and you know she and Rose are close friends—” he reaches for her, hoping that his touch would break down her walls, but she steps away from him.

“Okay, let’s just cut the crap. I am willing to let this go, to forget all about this and merrily move on and dance the night away with you if you honestly tell me one thing.” B says.

Yeonjun looks at her hopefully, nodding eagerly. “Yes, yes, alright, what is it?”

B takes a deep breath. “Has anything ever happened between you and Rose since we started dating?”

She watches as the hopeful light in Yeonjun’s eyes dies, his face dropping and his shoulders sagging, and she feels her heart break into a million pieces.

“Thanks. That’s all I needed to know.” she says, her voice cracking as her hands start to shake.

“I’m sorry. Baby, I’m sorry, but I promise, it wasn’t that bad, it was barely even—” he begins again, but she couldn’t handle it anymore. All she could feel was her heart being torn out of her chest and bleeding out on the pavement. She squeezes her eyes shut.

“Yeonjun.”

B could feel the heat behind her eyes, knowing that tears were threatening to fall. She could feel heart pounding out of her chest, her hands shaking as she bunches them into fists at her side, clenching them together to stop herself from falling apart right then and there. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” she continues, knowing that it was true.

“Baby, please, wait.” Yeonjun pleads, taking a step forward and reaching a hand out towards her. She closes her eyes and takes a small step back, keeping the distance between them. He visibly flinches, hurt by her aversion, but he continues to speak. “Please, take 3 deep breaths and try to calm down. Hear me out. Please.”

B keeps her eyes shut, shaking her head. “Yeonjun, no. I can’t do this. I don’t know how I can possibly get past this. I don’t think I could ever let this go.” How did her night go so horribly wrong? She was wearing the most beautiful dress she had ever laid her eyes on, she was having a blast at the Fall Ball, dancing her heart out letting go of all the worries she had, and she had been surrounded by people who she knew loved and cared for her.

So how the hell did she get here?

Yeonjun feels his heart drop. “So what do you want to happen now? What do you want me to do? Tell me anything, and I’ll do it. Baby, I’ll do anything for you. Just please tell me how I can make this right.” he starts, pleading helplessly as he feels her pulling away.

“You want to know what I want to happen?” B asks, gathering up the strength to look him right in his eyes, tears falling down from her own as she says, “I want this to stop. This, us, this evening, this pain, this nightmare, I just want this all to stop. I think the best thing you could do for me now is just let me go, don’t make this hurt any more than it already does. Just let me go.” she says, now pleading as well, tears now spilling uncontrollably down her face. “Yeonjun, please, just let me go.”

“Baby, please, don’t.” Yeonjun says, his voice cracking as what she was saying hits him, knocking the air out of his lungs as his breaths start to come out in sharp gasps, his eyes damp with tears that threatened to fall.

B shakes her head, taking a shaky breath and biting her lip to stop it from quivering. She takes one last look at him looking painfully beautiful with is blue hair blowing in the wind, his soft eyes looking at her like a lost child, his plump lips shaking as he tries not to cry. She takes one last moment to look at the boy she loved before she says

“This is goodbye, Yeonjun. I’m breaking up with you.” •°• Author’s note: Thank you so much for your patience!! The past few weeks have been very hectic. The typhoon that hit my country a few days ago and the 2 days I spent without electricity definitely didn’t help, but alas, here’s chapter 16!! Please let me know what you think, don’t be afraid to leave a message, anonymous or not, cause my asks are open!! I’m still trying to figure out how to make my Tumblr more easy to navigate, but don’t be afraid to reach out to me!! Don’t forget to stream We Lost The Summer MV!!

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cravingcrazewriting · 5 years

Text

youwillbefound.org

Trigger Warning- Mentions of suicide attempt and suicidal thoughts.

youwillbefound.com is a safe haven for any troubled teens/young adults who are looking for someone to find them. This site intends on being a place to reach out to others and to find them as you wold want yourself. Harassment is strictly prohibited. If we find you are abusing this site to target and harass people who are suicidal then you will be banned firstly for a week, secondly for a month, and thirdly will be a permanent ban and removal of your account. We hope you find whatever you're looking for on youwillbefound.com and we wish you the best of luck! Have a fantastic day!

What was Evan doing?

It wasn't like him to get a social media. It wasn't like him to rely so much on people, but yet he did, for no reason whatsoever. He did meet someone who he could trust, and needed help as much as he did. It was nice. He only had a few other friends who friended him out of pity.

He was currently on his laptop, writing his therapy letter, when he heard his phone go off.

HighandAllMighty: hey dude, wuts up?

Evan made a smile. High, that's what Evan nicknamed him due to privacy issues, was one of his closest friends, he'd even call him a best friend. High suffered from Anxiety and Bipolar, and had a very hard time making friends due to all of his outbursts. On the internet, he was able to calm himself down and not act rashly, but sometimes would assume the worst and snap at Evan a few times, but when that did happen, he'd awake to multiple apologizes from High.

High admitted to smoking openly, from cigarettes to weed, mainly because the way it calmed him down and less likely to snap at people. Evan didn't really mind this, since High's parents didn't get him any medication to him. If it helped, then that was that.

AnAnxiousTeen: Nothing much, just sitting in bed. I might write my therapy letter soon. What about you?

HighandAllMighty: sweet. Honestly I'm just dazing in and out atm. Me and my family just ate and my dad is trying to start shit again. HighandAllMighty: so the usual bs

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm so sorry.. I wish I could help you.

HighandAllMighty: Nah, don't be. U should probably start your letter.

AnAnxiousTeen: Well you know I hate writing them so I'd rather not heh

HighandAllMighty: hey, can I ask u something kinda important?

AnAnxiousTeen: Sure! Ask away!

HighandAllMighty: can we FaceTime? HighandAllMighty: I know u might not want to bc of ur anxiety HighandAllMighty: it was just something I wanted to try, if you wanted to at least

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm.. not sure.. I need time to think this over. AnAnxiousTeen: My mom is still home, so I can't right now.

HighandAllMighty: I understand. It's ok

Evan was trying not to freak out.

He was scared. He was scared he'd disappoint High. Incredibly scared of the mental image he imaged him looking like and being a huge let down and not being able to say anything and make things ten times worse than what they are and-

"Honey! I'm heading out! There's a twenty on the counter! Please get something to eat while I'm gone! Love you, bye!" Heidi called from downstairs, pulling Evan out of his thoughts. A moment later a door closing could be heard.

Evan sighed and ran his fingers through his messy blonde hair. There was another complication; he had completely fallen for High, one hundred percent in love.

HighandAllMighty: ah man, I'm rlly srry. My dad is gonna take my phone. HighandAllMighty: we'll talk later, k?

AnAnxiousTeen: I understand. I'll see you when you get back!

HighandAllMighty: in one week. Bye bud

Evan laid down on his bed. A whole week?! This obviously wasn't the first time it happened, but would that stop him from missing him? No. Definitely not. It'd be a lonely week without him.

This would be a long week

~~~ It was only Tuesday.

High had his phone taken on Saturday, so they were completely out of touch for tree days straight so far, and Evan was miserable and lonely.

Evan was sitting in his room, unenthusiastically working on homework. He was sinking into a depressive state. He'd never admit to it, but there was something wrong, that he just wasn't happy. He let out a sigh, setting his pencil down and grabbing his phone. The only notifications he had was some posts from people he liked, and a text from Jared.

Jared K: U have math done?

Evan H: -Evan H has sent a picture-

Jared K: thanks

Well, that made Evan feel even more like shit. It made him feel like Jared would only miss him for his car insurance if he suddenly disappeared. Hell, his mom would have it easier if he was gone. And High.. he was just a burden to him. Fuck it, he needed to vent.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: I'm always being told that things will get better, that I'll find someway to deal with my social anxiety, but nothing is seeming to be working. No one would notice if I suddenly left, if this account was suddenly shut down, maybe except for @HighandAllMighty but if I'm being honest, I'd be doing him a favor. I wish that things were different. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. Because let's face it. Would anyone here notice if I disappeared tomorrow?

After posting his update, he got a handful of responses, that mainly said stuff among the lines of "I'd notice! Please don't do anything rash!". It didn't feel real to Evan. He knew how this stuff worked. After a week of his death, people would forget him. All he could think of was how thankful his anxiety held him back from another attempt.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it ever make a sound?

There was a lot of debate about this one. No one saw the hidden subtext, that he fell-no, let go of the branch that was holding him and was now restrained to a cast. It made his stomach do a cartwheel at the thought.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: Sorry for all the depressing stuff tonight. I'm going offline to hit the hay early.

Well, that wasn't a total lie. He had homework to do first, then he'd probably lay in bed till sleep took him away.

And that's exactly what he did.

~~~ HighandAllMighty: why didn't you tell me how you were feeling?

High was back, early, and Evan was downright terrified.

Unlike before, he used almost perfect spelling and grammar, something he'd only do in serious situations. Evan hated confrontation, so so much.

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm sorry.. I didn't want to be a burden...

HighandAllMighty: you could never burden me with your problems. HighandAllMighty: we have to look out for each other, otherwise we'll loose us both. HighandAllMighty: I want to video chat with you. I want to see /you/. Let me help you. Please

Evan didn't really think when he answered. He didn't consider what his anxiety was telling him. He just had to make it up to High, especially with what he just put him through.

AnAnxiousTeen: Of course, just give me a few minutes to set up.

HighandAllMighty: thank you. I mean it

Evan let out a puff of air and set his phone down. His mom was home but sleeping, so he'd have to be quiet and not talk to loud, which wasn't a problem because he's.. him. He grabbed a set of dark blue headphones (he preferred them because they felt more comfortable on his ear) and plugged them into his phone. He made sure they worked okay and sent High a message.

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm ready. Can you send the request?

-HighandAllMighty has sent you a Face Time Request!-

-x Accept x or x Decline x-

Evan hesitantly hit the accept key and sat down on his bed, tidying up his shirt and hair while it loaded. Things'll be fine. They'll be perfectly okay. Just stay completely calm, don't fuck anything up, and your guys' friendship will be saved.

A minute later, the Face Time had finished loading, and on Evan's screen he was greeted to a pale skinned boy with long brown hair that went down to his shoulders, his eyes were blue but they had this brown glint to them that really made them stand out and made them so much more mesmerizing. He was wearing a simple black hoodie and the rest of his outfit Evan couldn't see.

The room Evan assumed was High's was messy, to say the least. Evan never understood how people could find what they needed in a mess. That's why he kept everything organized and clean, so if he needed to find anything, he could right away. It was an anxiety thing he couldn't get over. Evan also noticed the contrast of dark colors in High's room, that was mainly dark purple and black for the most part. Evan knew High enjoyed dark colors rather than light ones it made sense to why his room was painted that way.

Holy fuck was he hot or what?

"Um, hi! C-can you hear me o-okay?" Evan asked nervously, adjusting his headphones ever so slightly. He could hear some shuffling around so he took that as a good sign.

"Yeah, you're good. What about me on your end?" High asked, leaning back.

"Yo-you're good too," Evan nodded, confirming that he could hear him quite well. "Why did you w-want to call?"

"Well one, I wanted to see what you looked like, and two, I need to ask you a few other things, and this is the best way to see if you're lying or not," he simply said, shrugging his shoulders.

"O-okay, ask a-away," Evan smiled, shuffling slightly on his bed to get comfortable, waiting for whatever High was about to ask.

High inhaled, staying silent for a moment, before asking, "..Are you suicidal?"

Evan immediately tensed up. He hadn't put much thought into being depressed or suicidal, although he had those thoughts a lot he couldn't possibly be.. right? "I.. I don't know, a-actually... It could be a p-possibility, I do get suicidal thoughts and... a lot of self h-hate..."

High nodded slowly, picking at what appeared to be black nail polish. "Well, have you ever... attempted?"

Evan bit his lip, and he turned his gaze to his cast, although it wasn't planned, it still counted as one. He simply nodded his head. "It's.. s-scary..."

High let out a sigh. "I know the feeling all too well.. Just, wanting it all to end, but yet your anxiety is telling you not to, and you get so afraid.. I dunno, it's a reminder that you're still human I guess, attempting or not.."

"Honestly, it's m-my anxiety holding me b-back from trying a-again.. I'm scared I-I'll fail again.." Evan chuckled meekly, picking at his cast's plaster.

"Well, I'm glad," High smiled at him. "You don't know how much better you've made my life. I.. probably would've attempted again if I didn't know you.."

"Same with m-me. I'm.. so, so a-alone at school, I don't have any f-friends, and I was-well, still kinda- miserable. But, when we started t-talking, I didn't feel as alone a-anymore.." Evan admitted, blushing lightly.

"I wish I could meet you," High admitted. "I can tell no one's signed your cast still, and I really wanna fucking sign it. I.. I want to be by your side... Helping you order food, keeping you company, hell, I even know a few places down here you'd fucking adore and I know it.."

Evan smiled like a complete dork at these things. "That's s-so sweet.. You probably w-wouldn't like to meet me though.. I-I'd be so awkward.."

"Hey, don't put yourself down like that. I prefer awkward over cocky assholes any day," High said. "And like, not to mention you're a fucking amazing guy. Any girl would- fuck how do I phrase this?- well, she'd be pretty lucky to be with a guy like you," High told him, a noticeable blush appearing on his cheeks.

Evan blushed probably more than what he should've, but he couldn't help it. No one except his mom had said this type of stuff to him. "Honestly, t-thank you.."

"Okay, secondly, I need to tell you something really important. I hope it won't weird you out or anything but here it goes.. I really, really like you- and I don't mean that in the friendly way, I mean like- fuck this is harder to explain than I thought. Look.. I'm, head over heels in love with you, man.." High finished.

Evan was in pure shock. He had his hand on his mouth and felt like he could've cried. All that his mind could register was he liked him back. Holy fuck, he never thought he'd see the day his feelings would be returned. He could process words, he moved his hand away from his mouth, revealing a huge smile he was wearing and said hand anxiously ran through his hair.

"Holy f-fuck.. I.. I didn't think you'd l-like me back, so I never said anything.. Oh my god, t-this is incredible!" Evan admitted, watching the brunette's shocked expression turn into a smile.

"Holy shit, you actually like me?" High asked, and Evan nodded to him, he'd proudly admit to it, because now he had nothing else to loose.

"Does this mean we're like.. a thing or..?" High trailed off, and Evan laughed, saying, "Maybe! I t-think We should try."

High smiled at him, "I'd love to date you.. even if it's long distance.."

"Can I a-ask you something?" Evan smiled sheepishly, tugging lightly at his shirt while High responded with a "You can ask me anything you want to."

"What-what's your a-actual name?" Evan asked slowly, as stated earlier, they both kept their names a secret for privacy, but Evan was too curious to contain himself from keeping the question residing in his mind.

"It's Connor. What about you?" High- no, Connor returned his question, gazing at him with a loving gaze.

"I l-like to go by Evan.." Evan hoped that would satisfy him, because who'd want to date a guy with a name like Mark? No one, that's for sure.

"It suits you," Connor stated. "A wonderful name for a wonderful boy."

Evan flushed at his comment. "Well er- it's n-not as beautiful as 'Connor'. It, it fits you, so so well.."

"Are you calling me beautiful?" Connor teased him, and Evan just laughed.

The two ended up chatting for an entire two hours, enjoying whatever they could get out of each other's presence. They were both hopelessly in love, despite distance keeping them apart, they hoped they would one day meet in person.

That would be more than enough for them both.

A/N-I fucking love this AU so much?? I loved writing every second of it,and going over 2000 words better prove it.

Anyways I'm opening up requests! I don't have a lot of ideas so please request so I can keep updating this book! Thanks a ton!

#treebros #connor #connor murphy #evan #evan hansen #deh #dear evan hansen #convan #online dating

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