#like shucking an oyster never fails to crack me up

[asexualdreammorpheus]

the first sex scene with fane is so much funnier as an undead instead of him feeling weird about that thing the godwoken does with their tongue he feels weird about what the godwoken did with their tibia

#divinity original sin 2 #the game sometimes misses out on remembering your character is undead #and treats it like you've got a regular character #but sometimes its fucking gold mines like these moments #ah the yuthul gor split its one of your inventive tricks #it probably sounded horrific just two skeletons uh......boning #for lack of a better word tbh #so disappointed i let fane down this was for science #well multiple tests must happen of course that's how it works for scientific results #wait until he finds out what the godwoken can do with her cervical #like shucking an oyster never fails to crack me up #im getting very mixed messages from fane #he doesn't have the desire to touch you or even talk to you #but suggest a mating ritual and he's all too eager #ifan and the red prince just standing there like fine whatever #its rivellon anything goes #i absolutely have to play as fane next time just to see what happens

[deputyrhysiepieces]

Sinners and Junkies

A/N: Just a random story with my Deputy after she gets kidnapped by John. She’s heavily inspired by Negan, so warnings for language. Thanks for reading!

Rhys should've known it was too easy sneaking into John Seed’s infamous ranch. Now due to her recklessness she's trapped in said man's bunker, tied to chair that is now immovable. At least he learns.

She tenses as the door slams open, the man of the hour strutting in. By the look of it he's already in a bad mood, slamming the box of supposed torture tools with his jaw clenched.

When he turns his aggression is even more apparent by the way his hands grip the table behind him.

His eyebrows shoot up into his hairline when she fails to comment. There's no smug smile this time around.

“So.” He starts, clenching the word out around clenched teeth. “What'd you do with it?”

“Oh, you mean the cocaine I found in the baggie lodged in the back of your toilet? The one I’d bet my left tit on that Joseph doesn't know about? ” His eyes narrow. “Haven't seen it.”

To her credit she doesn't flinch when he slams his hands against the desk, pushing off of it to slowly walk towards her.

“Where is it, sinner?”

“I don't know, junkie.”

With that he grabbed her throat with a frustrated yell, squeezing until her eyes teared up.

“I'll force it out of you.”

She gasped for breath as he went back to his tools, noisily shuffling through them. The longer he stood there searching the more nervous she got, so naturally she started rambling.

“Well, this is goddamn embarrassing. To be entirely honest this is not how I imagined my evening turning out. I sort of expected you’d be there, thought maybe I’d find you balls deep in some woman… or man. I don’t know. Whatever you’re into, I’m not judging. Do you guys even fuck? You’d think with how much you like to play ‘my dick is bigger than yours’ you’d actually put it to use.”

He pulled out a small knife from the selection.

“That's a good size. I like that one.”

He didn't spare her a glance before placing the small knife down and grabbing a bigger one.

“Yeah, I-um, I don't like that one as much.”

She breathes a sigh of relief when he sets the big one down before once again picking up the smaller one.

“Do you know what this is called?”

“A knife?” She relishes in his obvious display of annoyance as his eyes flutter closed, a frustrated sigh escaping him.

“This is called an oyster shucker “

His lips twitch up for the first time when he watches her eyes flick to the knife.

“Once you start to shuck an oyster you always want to keep the hinge end pointed towards you, straight up, so you don’t lose those wonderful juices inside.” He smiled when her face scrunched up. Funny for someone as crude as her.

“So then you take your oyster knife-”

“I said it was a knife.”

“Shut. Up. You work the blade into the hinge, rocking the blade side to side until it pops! Then you slide your knife along the inside surface of the top shell until you find the muscle where it is attached to the top shell, and sever it. You do the same thing to the bottom, letting that small knife tear and scrape little pieces of muscle inside, carving them out until it’s sitting free in the shell.” He takes a long look at her crotch, a sickly sweet smile spreading across his face.

“I've… I've never tried oysters” Her voice is small, something that happens when she's nervous. And since she's pretty sure he's insinuating oyster shucking her vagina, she figures she has every right to be.

“Oh no? You've never tried oysters?” His voice matches hers in tone, surely mocking her.

“Nope.” She sucks her lip in before she can say anything else. His hands are on his knees as he bends down to get on eye level with her, but she refuses to look at him.

The door bangs open and a nervous looking peggie addresses John, holding out a high tech walkie talkie towards him.

“Sir? The Father is asking for you.” Rhys thanks whatever deity is looking out for her as John's eyes flash with fear.

“I'll be right there.” He goes to turn before stopping as if he forgot something. “Oh, hold this for me please.”

“But my hands are- fuck!” He slams the blade directly through the palm of her hand.

“Thanks.”

“Fuck, fuck! Fuck- fuck you, you fucking fuck!” She whimpers as the door slams closed.

“Ugh ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod.”  She had to get out of there. She gave a hysterical little laugh when she realized he literally put a weapon in the palm of her hand.  She leaned down and closed her mouth around the hilt of the knife. It muffled her scream as she tried to pull it up, the shitty little handle slipping from her teeth many times. She was sure she had to have cracked a couple of her teeth by the time she got the thing out. Although she knew she had limited time she took a moment to catch her breath, sweat rolling down her forehead.

Okay, hard part done. With a sharp inhale she went back to work.

She angled the knife-oyster shucker- so that she could pull it up and wear at the rope. It took  what seemed like minutes to wear it down enough to where she could yank her non-injured hand out. That was when she heard footsteps quickly approaching the door.

“No. No, damn it...fuck!” Rhys knew she had to act quick. She closed her eyes in dread when she realized it had to look as if nothing had happened. She cut through the rope restricting her injured hand until it was hanging on by a thread. Then, uttering a soft ‘'fuck” she stabbed the knife back through her hand, only to rip it back out again.

“Fuck!”  panicking when she heard the door knob turn, she once again stabbed her palm, this time leaving it there.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck-”

“Still going, are you?”

“Suck my ass you pretentious little shi- Joey!” Her eyes widened when he wheeled Joey Hudson in, mascara running making her look like a fucking racoon.

“Thought you’d like a friend, Deputy.” John was clearly enjoying the shock on their faces as they tried to figure out how to react to each other.

“Oh God, Rook, what the fuck happened- how’d you get here?” Hudson gasped when she saw the knife through her hand. Rhys, emotionally drained for the day, gave a weak little laugh.

“You say here like this shitty little bunker is something fucking special. I ended up here trying to get to there. And do I know where there is? No, no fucking clue. Just trying to keep up with our boy over there.” John raises an eyebrow when she angles her head towards him.

“Damn, do you got a mouth on you.”

“Who are you to talk, dipshit. You probably jerk off to your voice on your shitty fucking commercials-” Hudson flinched when he grabbed another knife from the table.

“Deputy Reeze-” “Rhys. For fucks sake-”

“-Have you ever wondered how many layers of a person's skin can be removed until it is deemed ‘unhealthy’?”

“None should be removed you prick-”

“The top layer of the epidermis is actually just dead skin cells. You shed thousands of them in a day.”

“Thanks for that anatomy lesson. Now can you-”

“Let’s help Hudson by getting rid of those useless cells corrupted by sin. They probably go pretty deep so it is going to be a painful process. Unless you remember where you put my belongings, Deputy?”

There was a beat of silence before she looked at Joey.

“He’s talking about his coke-”

John- barely concealing his anger- slices down Hudson’s forearm. He works on slowly peeling layers away.

“Agh! Rhys shut up!” Hudson sobs.

“Oh my God, Oh God I’m so sorry. John! You fuck!” His only response was to continue cutting deeper.

“Remember yet, Deputy?”

“I… okay stop! Stop. I poured it in your pump thingy.”

“My what?”

“That thing on your car. Where your gas goes.”

“My fuel tank.” He states matter of factly.

“Yeah-whatever- Look, I know fuck all about cars. But um, yeah that’s where it is.” The pain from her throbbing hand was starting to seep into her voice.

“Did you tell anyone about it?”

“...I told Hudson.” John lets out a frustrated shout.

“I fucking know you told Hudson! Did you tell anyone else?”

“You took me like right after I snatched it, I barely had time to pour it into the fuel pump-” John pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Jesus Christ.”

“- so how would I have been able to tell anyone-”

“Yes or No, Deputy” His voice breaks, much to his mortification as she stops in the middle of her tangent to make a smart ass comment.

“I just said- still going through puberty by the way, damn- anyway, I just said how would I have been able to tell anyone-” His hands once again wrap around her throat, squeezing his words out through clenched teeth.

“Did you tell Joseph?”

“No!” She gasps as his hands slacken considerably. “But you won’t need to worry about that for long.”

His eyebrow twitches in confusion. Before he can answer her hand comes off of the armrest to grab the knife, yanking it from her palm with a yell before slicing his throat with it. It couldn’t have been very deep, but the peggies would certainly be more focused on keeping him alive than stopping her from leaving.

“Damn I should have thought of something more clever to say.”

“Rook!”

“Sorry, sorry.” Rhys hurries over to Hudson, who’s already struggling against her binds. Rhys grabs the tape to hold it steady before releasing it with a hiss, switching hands. “Could’ve said something like ‘want some sauce with those oysters?’ Damn, that was a good one.” Hudson gave her a look that let her know she thought she was damn crazy. “You weren’t here for that, right.”

“You… you couldn’t have done that earlier?” She panted.

“I really tried to look for an opening, and I feel really shitty about it so don’t-” Rhys rambled before stifling a sob. “I’m sorry, Joey.”

“Just-just get me out of here. Do not leave me here.”

“I won’t, I promise I won’t-” She’s suddenly pulled back, a beard tickling her cheek and warm blood seeping through her shirt fabric.

“Deputy.” In panic she blindly stabs at John behind her with the knife. She feels it hit home the same time he yells in her ear. He pulls it out, probably planning to plunge it into her neck before her arm grabs his. They struggle for what seems like minutes before John gets the upper hand. As the knife gets closer and closer to her throat Joey kicks a foot out, hitting Rhys in the abdomen but managing to knock them both back. She lands on top of John, pushing the air out of him with a oof!

She searches with frantic eyes for the knife, that was thrown across the room, just on the outside of the vault door. With an energy she didn’t know she had, she crawled to it, picking it up just as she heard the sound of the vault door closing behind her.

“No, no, no!” It shuts just as she reaches it, and she bangs on it even though it won’t do a damn thing. She isn’t able to hear, but she sees Joey screaming, the same words over and over at her. John’s lips twitch up in a smile as he pants, sauntering over to his walkie. He’s bleeding from a wound in his thigh, where she must have stabbed him earlier.

“Well, Deputy, you’re in a tight spot.” Now she can hear the dreaded words Joey was saying.

“Don’t leave me! Rook, don’t leave me, you can’t leave me! Please!”

“What’s it gonna be, Rook? Stay, and die fighting while trying to save the princess? Or fleeing like the coward you are back to your little resistance?”

“Rhys! You promised!” Her heart breaks at the desperation and absolute fear behind those words.

“I’m sorry, Joey, I’ll-I’ll come back for you!” She can hear the distant sounds of footsteps approaching her. She doesn’t have the time to think about her decision.

So she ran.

#John Seed #John Seed x reader #John Seed imagine #Far cry 5 imagine