#like i know she's chill but i totally fucked up my gastric emptying study by taking valium on the day and what is its not enough

[bulldagger-bait]

Freaking out at 4am about a doctor's appointment... Completely fine and normal and good and healthy even

#like i know she's chill but i totally fucked up my gastric emptying study by taking valium on the day and what is its not enough #to get help. to be taken seriously. #will she even believe me? are my water numbers enough or do the solid numbers disqualify me #i cant do another year of this. i cant handle it. #i fucked up. i should have just slipped meds entirely to not fuck with the results because i contaminated them #I'm terrified my GP won't listen. wont hear me out. #I'm terrified this is just going to be seen as another one of my hysteria issues #legitimately if things keep going the way they are i don't know what I'm going to do #i feel at the end of my tether #there's only so many times you can face eating and have it end the way it does for me #i cant do this again. i cant have another year of this. i cant have another year of torture. i had one good year i cant go back #food is torture right now. i want to just be normal about it but i cant and I'm so fucking stressed that i fucked up #my one chance at getting help #its agonising to want to eat but to just know that everything is going to go to absolute shit the moment you try #and its my own fault #its my fault over and over again and i just cant do it. i cant take more of this but i also cant take the alternative