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the-ghost-king · 3 years

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the term malewife isn’t a very nice term to use...

A man who acts as a wife and is inferior to his #girlboss girlfriend.

Person A: I just got myself a malewife. He's gonna clean my kitchen and watch me download custom content for the sims.

Person B: Sweet! You must be such a girlboss

^^urban dictionary. It’s just confirming to the sexist stereotypes that perceive and expectation of what a wife should act like. It’s quite harmful

It's a parallel to girlboss which is conformity to the sexism within corporate America:

"it becomes inescapably clear that when women center their worldview around their own office hustle, it just re-creates the power structures built by men, but with women conveniently on top. In the void left after the end of the corporate feminist vision of the future, this reckoning opens space to imagine success that doesn’t involve acing performance reviews or getting the most out of your interns." (here)

The word girlboss comes from a book quite literally called #girlboss, in parallel to the negative aspects of this book people eventually rebranded the term "malewife" to parallel it (malewife was originally an nsfw type thing)

In the malewife/girlboss "system" it's essentially the swapping of the problematic aspects, expectations, and socialization of men and women within a relationship

"Girlboss, gaslight, gatekeep" was a meme started to pick on the idea that women should become men and enforce the sexism within corporate society, and I'm sure it was a jab at the book the word came from as well.... "Manipulate, mansplain, malewife" was created to parallel the original meme

So yeah, the whole concept is mocking sexism within corporations and and modern relationships and showing how ridiculous it is. Girlboss mocks the idea of 2014 (largely) white feminism within America.

In example the original meme (created on Twitter) is intended to make mockery of Karen-types:

On January 12th, 2021, Tumblr user missnumber1111 posted, "today’s agenda: gaslight gatekeep and most importantly girlboss," garnering over 43,500 notes in a month (shown below). On that day, Twitter user @CUPlDL0VE posted, "my agenda is gaslight gatekeep and #girlboss," the first instance of the phrase on Twitter.

And a day later on January 13, 2021 Tumblr user a-m-e-t-h-y-s-t-r-o-s-e reblogged the post along with a photoshopped image of "Live, Laugh, Love" wall art instead reading, "Gaslight every moment, Gatekeep every day, Girlboss beyond words" (shown below). On January 18th, the image was reposted to Twitter for the first time.

Malewife doesn't hold those same implications however... The term malewife which is now being used to parallel girlboss achieves it's origins from p*rn, now I'm not an nsfw blog or someone who blatantly discusses nsfw concepts on my blog so I'm not getting super into it but there's a few places it comes from: femdom, bdsm, and feminization kinks... All of which have a connection to queerness in their own right but I don't feel comfortable going into the complexities of that with so many younger people following me.

On February 15th, Tumblr user @relelvance posted, "Manipulate, mansplain, malewife" as a male-themed opposite to "gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss," garnering over 27,000 notes in four days. The post was screenshotted and reuploaded by Twitter user @nortoncampbell on the same day, garnering over 14,200 likes and 2,800 retweets in the same span of time (shown below).

Urban dictionary's explaination of "malewife" is not only harsher than what malewife was intended to mean, but also removes the context of origin from the word- making it something new, different, and erasing the history of who originally used this word.

Because of Malewifes origins vs Girlboss origins, malewife is a less problematic term than girlboss and is more "affectionate" because the term malewife and it's use (up until recently) involved the man acknowledging that he wanted to be the "wife" in his relationship. There's a variety of reasons someone might do this, but it can generally be summed up as a mixture of personality and also personal wants.

I do think it's important to also note that although these words are being "glamorized slightly" they're still intended and being used in a memeing manner, but they're also used to quickly denote arbitrary traits in an individual and categorize those traits...

Although there's lots of conversations to be had for a variety of reasons about the origin and use of the word "girlboss" in relation to sexism, up until recently the world "malewife" was something claimed by men, something men wanted to be called, and something that men who used the term wanted to reference them.

Malewife is about "stepping-up" to "take on" "female" social roles, and it's something that at least some women would be happy to see in society:

"...We have been told that we can have it all, but so far we have noticed that it is extremely hard work having it all, because you still have to do everything that your mother did but now you have to do everything your father did as well. Except that your father had your mother waiting at home with a gin and tonic and his slippers when he came home from work, and you have the washing up and the shopping and a few screaming brats as well as a bloke with his feet up on the sofa watching the football... " (via. Victoria Mary Clarke)

And I don't think that she's wrong at all. Women are still expected to do so much more than men in society without equal reward.

Malewife exists as a a sort of fantasy removed from the truth of society. It's an idea that a husband can be waiting at home to care for his wife, and in this instance it benefits the woman- unlike Clarke's situation above, the woman comes home from a long day and is able to relax without the pressures of society and her life.

Where housewife is a word that holds its origins in forced subservience, malewife is a term that is showcasing men "picking up the torch" in regards to housework- where housewife is socially forced, and girlboss is reversed social compliance, malewife is the rejection of social expectations.

Malewife is about men finding a place in their life's and relationships to make themselves more than a paycheck. To say "I can be emotionally there for my spouse, I can clean a toilet, and drive kids to school, and I don't treat my spouses wants as something expendable". In a society in which men are often demeaned, mocked, and scorned for picking up socially female roles (say hello to misogyny and gendered contamination!)

The Urban dictionary definition, is not only too harsh- but not the way in which the word is intending to be used, because that's ignoring the origins of this word, and the fact that men had a choice in becoming malewifes where women didn't have that choice. It should read more like:

Person A: Ah yeah, I have a malewife waiting for me, he's going to clean my kitchen because I've had a hard day at work and need a break, and then he's going to watch me download custom content for the Sims because I enjoy the game so much and it helps me take a break from life!

Women's wants were often ignored in favor of men's wants, so by the malewife saying he's going to watch his spouse play the Sims, he's really saying "I care about her interests" and by him picking up the kitchen cleaning after she's had a stressful day he's saying "I have a lower stress job so I can handle that for her and make her life a little easier" (because malewife doesn't mean he doesn't have a job).

In a society in which a man's worth is tied to his ability to bring home money and be emotionally distant, malewife is the rejection of this norm. Malewifes are going to be there for their spouse, they're going to step up and take on traditionally women's roles and they're doing it because they want to, because they like it, and because dividing chores into pink vs blue is wrong.

I also want to say, you can't flip a word around and say it does "this" because that's not how it works... Men and women are forcibly socialized in very different ways, the two binaries have very different treatment, and expectations within societies social constructs. If you could flip the forms of oppression that men vs women face (because yes, the patriarchy oppresses men) then you could also flip the forms of violence faced by trans masculine people vs trans feminine people- but that doesn't work either, because women will always be oppressed in the most public way to "make an example of them" while the patriarchy expects anyone who is male to "keep his mouth shut and fall in line". (I know that's worded poorly, but I've just written at least a couple hundred words and my brain is a bit fried already from various other things today- basically anyone perceived female or male will be treated in a certain way as a result of others perception of them)

Anyhow, all this isn't to say that the term "malewife" is inherently free of any form of flaw ever... Malewife is a newly mainstream word, it wasn't popularized until February 15 of 2021... So?? 5 days ago?? The origins of malewife and the social implications of malewife combined with the history of the word, don't make the word bad or impressive and it's not "upholding the ideals of a housewife" but instead a word which provides men freedom from male social expectations.

Can the word malewife come to be a word which enforces expected female social behavior? Yeah it absolutely can become a word to mean that, erase the history from the word, and give it to someone who doesn't know the history of the word, and someone who doesn't have an intimate understanding of gender theory, and you've got a recipe for hundreds more asks like the one you've sent me...

I can't find a single positive reason to use the word girlboss in an empowering way, but I can find more reasons to use the word malewife in an empowering way than not to do so.

So at the very least if all you come away from this with is that I don't personally use the word malewife to uphold female social expectations in a relationship but instead I use this word to provide space for guys to be allowed to be feminine, soft, caring, emotionally present, and worth more than their monetary value, then I guess that's okay.

#long post #asks #Anon #malewife #sorry for clogging your feed #i don't have a desktop rn

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illusionlock · 5 years

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pazam: a mess, truly a mess

so i usually dont do these kind of posts, i guess you could say its a call out of some sort? but i never liked that word, i prefer rather to just compile sources on WHY people would believe that a certain person is not truly as nice and understanding as they seem. consider this more of a psa post, detailing on whats going on with pazam on the sfm community, why so many people are against them.

So, a while back, tumblr user jymble made a post on the main tag stating that pazam was transphobic. they linked back to this post, which contains screenshots of pazam in a group chat stating that they do not feel comfortable with the idea of trans people. now, this did happen 9 months ago, true. however, for the record, pazam is already an adult, 24 years old, so they should have some tact. and as further and more recent events will show, they actually havent changed that much at all, at least not as they claim.

the screenshots should be in the post, but here is a transcript

[Screenshot one]

Pazam:

What????? Why?????

I literally HAVE NOT been doing ANYTHING malicious to them

And if it did I apologized

Yes I do have discomfort about them but I keep it to myself

Why are you doing this????

[End screenshot one]

‘Them’ here refers to trans people in general. Notice the defensive and victimizing stance they almost immediately take upon being confronted about their feelings on trans people.

[Screenshot two]

elliott:

of COURSE you dont

sammaku:

Like specifically

Elliott hush

Pazam:

This whole concept of transness and changing your gender physically

I hate to say it again but it weirds me out and it makes me question my own gender which flings me into anxiety, depression, and obsession

sammaku:

Its fine to not understand but are you willing to learn about it

Pazam:

I don’t want to talk about this anymore

sammaku:

That depression anxiety and obsession just comes with gender issues

(the rest of the text is cut off)

[End Screenshot two]

notice once summaku asks them if they would at least be willing to learn about it, pazam immediately deflects it by saying they dont want to talk about it anymore.

[Screenshot three]

Pazam:

Seriously??? That’s all it takes????

Wow I’m a moron

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused to you

@.aziraphale @.elliott @.sammaku

I just don’t get this stuff period

And I’ve gotten into trouble with this stuff before

I’ll probably never understand it for the rest of my life but I’ll try to be more tactful around y’all

Especially since you’re all young

And I’m like an adult

[End screenshot three]

While at first this would seem like they had finally learned their lesson and apologized, the things they add on after the @s become quickly worrying. Not only do they admit to ‘have gotten into trouble with this stuff before’, meaning they have probably shown their transphobia in other places and been called out, but they also stand firmly on the fact that they will never understand it or ‘get’ it.

And of course, as jymble points out, the implication that the people they were talking to were only acting like that because they were young.

A while after this post was made, Pazam had posted an apology, and went onto contact jymble asking for the post with the evidence of their transphobic to be taken down. The reason? They were afraid people would see it and think they were still transphobic and not give them a chance.

In this more recent post, you can see the conversation play out between Pazam and jymbles. Long story short, Pazam feels that it’s unfair that that post is still up after they apologized, and jymble of course said they would rather not take it down, people deserve to know what they did and take their own conclusions, even if that involves avoiding them. How does Pazam respond? By flat out deleting the apology post. I’d love to show the apology post to give you both sides of the story but I cannot anymore, because Pazam in a very bizarre move just deleted it because they got mad a trans blogger wouldn’t take down their post with proof.

Here’s the transcript of the screenshots:

[Begin Conversation]

rebloggidy (Pazam’s personal):

I’m by no means transphobia-free after learning what I’ve done but at least I know my actions and am making an effort to be a better person towards trans people.

rebloggidy:

Hi again. So I hate to be that person but would it be ok if you took down that post about the transphobia claims? I know it took me 9 months to apologize but if people only see your side of the story and not realize the post I saw they’ll take it out of context and still think I’m transphobic. Do you understand?

jymble:

... i already told you im not taking down the post.

[jymble sends a screenshot of her own message in a previous conversation, the screenshot reads as follows:

however, i dont think im taking the post down, nor am i entirely comfortable with you interacting with me either. people deserve to know how you acted with this stuff, until youre really and truly *better* with it instead of just trying, and i was a direct target of it]

jymble:

you oughright told me "im by no means transphobia-free", word for word sorry, but i told you before. im not taking the post down.

rebloggidy:

I remember that. But what I'm trying to say to you is that if people who read it out of context will immediately think I'm still transphobic without the other side of it (my comment)

And I don't want people to think that in the future

jymble:

if people make assumptions without looking at the entire situation, thats on them

i am not deleting the post and thats final. people have a right to know what youve done, and they have a right to be uncomfortable

rebloggidy:

I'm ready to take down my post because frankly, I'm sick and tired of having to justifiy something that I did 9 months ago, and that people grow and learn even not 100% during that time and I'm ready to move on.

I'm still into smile for me and feel free to make a blacklist of my name so anybody who rbs my work on your dash can have it hidden or something.

Take care.

[End conversation]

a lot to unpack here, but perhaps most notable is when jymble simply stands her ground and tells pazam she wont take down the post, pazam straight up decides, without being told to or anything, that they should take down their apology. later on, they made a post stating why they deleted the post, and saying they had ‘been forced to’.

I also would love to link it here, but as of now of writing this, like, not even an hour or so after I had seen that post, it got deleted. The only memory I have of it is a conversation I had with my boyfriend about Pazam, in which I copypasted a fragment from that post that read:

“ So for those wondering where the apology post went, I was forced to delete it. I wanted to archive it in some way so I could pull it up for reference, but there was no way I could. Also I didn’t really want to see it every time on my blog because quite honestly it’s upsetting to look at.”

There are some lies and twisting of truths here. Pazam wasn’t forced to delete it, they decided they should do it as a way to somehow get back at jymble. And the excuse that it was upsetting for them to look at is just inexcusable, what matters most, letting people know of what youve done and that youre sorry, or just never addressing the situation?

But, well, I’m just hoping you’ll take my word for it. As you see, Pazam has officially deleted ANY traces of acknowledging this situation on their blog.

This worries me. If Pazam is truly as concerned that they will be seen as transphobic as they claim, why are they deleting anything that could give them a chance of showing their own side of the story?

Now, that is the end, for now, of Pazam’s history with transphobia. However! It is not the end for some other very shady things.

Namely, Pazam has consistently whitewashed characters from Smile For Me, specially Kamal, and when called out on it, simply deletes the asks.

Want to know how I know this?

I sent them an ask myself. I had come across this picture of Boris and Kamal:

And I knew that this wasn’t right. I can understand using light colors and doing watercolor, but if they can make Boris’ hair brown and vivid enough, why not Kamal? He looks like another character completely, or like he’s deathly sick!

So I sent them an anonymous ask, perhaps a bit exhasperated, true, and my wording could be better. It went something like: “i am begging you to draw kamal with darker skin”.

I waited, checked. But nothing came of it. They never answered it.

Pazam flat out ignored when they were told they had drawn a canonically brown man with skin way too light. Not even a lone text post saying ‘hey anon, i dont agree with you’ or ‘hey anon im sorry it wont happen again’. Nothing. No word, no opinion.

And with this situation going on with them evading responsibility, I can’t say I’m fully surprised.

And, yet another thing. People had expressed concern over the fact they had drawn their Flower Kid, who is 17, in very intimate and close positions with Dr. Habit. It included nuzzling faces, cuddling in bed together, wearing his coat...

And they did hear the claims this time. As of now, their Flower Kid is 24, according to them.

Except... They do not look 24. At. All.

this is a 12 year old. at best. short body, stubby legs, big head. those are all attributes of a very young character, usually children. like, legitimately, thats how childrens anatomy is in real life. the younger the person, the bigger their head is in proportion to their body.

We have already had an adult trying to justify drawing their flower kid who barely looked like an adult if at all in intimate situations with Habit. Let’s not let it slide by again.

And yes, I’m aware Pazam claims that those pictures were not supposed to be interpreted as romantic, ‘only platonic fluff’ and that they intend to keep it that way, but I have talked to my boyfriend who is a survivor and he said it very well could be a case of someone just trying to cover their tracks.

BUT, all that being said, maybe this one particular instance could be just us being wary. Still, it does not diminish all that they have done, specially ignoring the whitewashing claims.

What you are going to do with this information, I do not know. Maybe you don’t care and will keep reblogging their content. Maybe you’re disgusted by them. But I’m just here to give you the facts. Personally though, I’m not willing to give them much of a chance after the way they’ve behaved. They are 24 years old, three years older than me, and I think I could do a better job of handling a situation like this, frankly.

#don't be scared. i am here with you.#smile for me #smile for me game

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artificialqueens · 7 years

Text

White Houses Chapter 2 (Jalaska)- Dottie

A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long, it didn’t want to be written. But here it is and I hope you enjoy it!!!! Also a huge thanks to Marble for betaing! You can follow me at my blog here!(And because I forgot the summary in the last chapter here it is)

Summary: Going off to college is hard, Alaska finds this out quickly. Luckily she has her childhood best friend and a few new ones to lean on. As long as she doesn’t fuck it up by falling for one of them.

It is nearing three in the morning, Alaska has her first class of the semester in a few hours, and she’s nervous. It’s Musical Theater and she seriously thinks that she should have thought it through a little more before signing up for an eight A.M. class.

Alaska stares at her reflection in the mirror of the dingy dorm bathroom. Her blonde hair is up in a messy bun, and the bags under her eyes are considerably prominent, it also doesn’t help that she has been crying. She’s only been at school for a week and she already misses her mom, and Aaron’s already made fun of her for it, but she doesn’t expect anything less from him. He’s her best friend and her biggest supporter, and she knows she would be completely lost without him.

The door busts open, interrupting her pity party, and in walks a blurry eyed boy with frizzy red hair. She freezes, not knowing what to do, and certainly not expecting anyone to be awake at this hour. She had also completely forgotten that the dorms and bathrooms were all coed. The boy grumbles at her in acknowledgement and shuffles past her, heading into one of the stalls. She blinks and debates on whether or not she should leave. She should. She doesn’t want things to be awkward when he comes back out, but at the same time he’s pretty cute. Before she has the time to make that decision, the toilet flushes and the redhead shuffles back out. He catches her eyes and flashes her a tired smile, a really cute smile too, he looks so soft and warm. She forces herself to look away so he won’t catch her staring.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

She looks back at him and gives him a tight lip smile while nodding her head. It seems to be enough for him because he grumbles an ‘okay, goodnight’ and leaves. She stares after him, and eventually makes the executive decision to go to bed as well.

She sneaks back into her room quietly, not wanting to wake up her roommate, Courtney. She kicks off her slippers and glides into bed. It doesn’t take her too long to fall asleep, but it feels like only two minutes later she’s being woken up by her alarm. When she looks at her phone, she sees that two minutes has actually been a couple of hours. She groans, wanting nothing more than to stay in her bed, but it’s the first day of classes and she’s more excited than she allows herself to believe. She crawls out of bed and drags herself into the shower.

She doesn’t take too long in the shower, but when she steps out, the mirror is fogged over and the air feels thick and damp. She struggles to put her clothes on, they cling to her because of the mix of humidity and dampness of her skin.

“It’s too early for this,” she thinks with a groan. She eventually gets her jeans and t shirt on so she can leave the tiny excuse of a shower stall.

When she gets back to her room Courtney is sitting at her desk, fully dressed, and applying lip gloss. She stops when she sees Alaska and smiles at her brightly.

“Good morning, Alaska!” she greets a little too cheerfully for seven A.M. Alaska flashes a smile back at her, hanging the towel that wasn’t in her hair on the back of their door.

“You have class at eight, right?” Courtney asks, leaning back and checking her face in the tiny light up mirror adorning her desk.

“Yeah, why?” Alaska responds, taking the towel out of her damp hair.

“Willam and I were going to go grab breakfast or coffee before class, did you want to come with?” Courtney asks, her full attention now on Alaska while the taller girl brushes out her hair.

“Sure, I’m always up for coffee,” Alaska says, and Courtney lets out a small cheer.

“I’ll text Willam and let her know, Aaron can come too if he wants.” Courtney offers, but Alaska rolls her eyes at the suggestion.

“He’s useless before twelve, he didn’t schedule any classes before eleven so he’s probably still sleeping.” Alaska says with a fond smirk, Courtney smiles at the image.

“You two are really cute together, are you sure you aren’t more than friends?” Courtney asks, a teasing tone lacing her voice.

“Yes! Fine, okay! You caught us!” She paused with a heavy sigh, “We’re two star crossed lovers, destined to be together, but fate keeps driving us apart!” Alaska exclaims dramatically, throwing her face into her hands and letting out loud sobs. Courtney giggles at her antics.

“But in all seriousness- no, Aaron’s the closest thing I have to a brother. We dated for a second in middle school, but that was a mistake,” Alaska explains before turning on the blow dryer. Courtney waits until she’s done before she starts asking more questions.

“I thought you had two brothers? And and older sister?” Courtney inquires, resting her elbow on the back of her chair and placing her head in her hand.

“Yeah, but Ryan is so much younger than me, we never had a very close relationship, and Cory and I never really got along. But Brooke is amazing.” Alaska says with a shrug and a small smile.

Courtney nods in understanding, she opens her mouth to say something but her phone buzzes, distracting her. “Willam’s on her way up,” she says. Alaska glances in the mirror, and deems herself ready with only her eyebrows and mascara done. It’s too early for any more effort and the bags under her eyes aren’t too prominent.

A few minutes later there’s a knock on their door and Courtney swings it open to reveal Willam, a tiny blonde with a personality twice her size. Alaska had met her the day she had moved into the dorms, she was helping Courtney put her things away. And by helping, she was lying on Courtney’s bed, flipping through a fashion magazine and throwing in her commentary every couple minutes. She was nice enough and Alaska was just excited to actually move in. Willam took an instant liking to Alaska though, which Courtney said was rare, so she basked in it the week leading up to today.

Courtney greets Willam with a peck on the lips and a large smile. Alaska grins at the pair, a hint of jealousy nagging at her in the the back of her head. She wants that, a Willam to her Courtney, okay maybe not a Willam per say, but someone to be affectionate with that wasn’t Aaron. Someone to hold hands with, make out with, go out on cute dates with, and to hold her and cuddle with her. But it’s hard finding someone to do all that with, especially because she’s transgender. She can’t just go out and find some random guy on the street, men are scary and there have been too many hate crimes towards trans women, for that to be anywhere near safe. Alaska knows the statistics of sexual assaults towards trans women, and she knows how likely it is that it could happen to her if she just went out with anyone.

“You ready to go Lasky?” Courtney asks, bringing Alaska out of her thoughts. She nods, grabbing her keycard and her bag full of binders and notebooks and following them out into the hall. Willam and Courtney talk the entire walk down to the dining area, while Alaska trails closely behind. She isn’t paying close attention to her surroundings, which is probably why she runs straight into someone, knocking all of their things to the ground.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” Alaska gushes out, turning around to try and help pick everything up. She quickly recognizes the person as the guy from the bathroom last night and blushes deeply.

“Alaska you clutz!” Willam yells with a laugh from where her and Courtney have stopped walking a little ways down the hall. The redhead smiles warmly at Alaska as he bends down to start picking up his stuff. Alaska immediately goes to help him.

“I am a total clutz, and I did not see you I’m so-” she starts rambling, reaching for random papers before she’s cut off by the redhead.

“Hey, it’s okay! Don’t worry about it, accidents happen,” He says with a giggle, Alaska’s heart speeds up at the adorable sound, a grin finding its way to her face. “I’m Jerick,” he says as they move to their feet, having picked everything up.

“I’m Alaska,” she says. She notices that he’s a few inches shorter than her, but he has the cutest smile Alaska has ever seen, and the prettiest brown eyes.

“Alaska quit flirting, and let’s go! You can suck his dick later!” Willam calls out, Alaska blushes again and Jerick’s smile fades.

“I have to go, but it was nice meeting you, and sorry again!” Alaska says, walking backwards towards Willam and Courtney.

“Nice meeting you, as well, Alaska!” Jerick replies, and Alaska smiles and turns around to face a smug looking Willam and an embarrassed looking Courtney. She pushes past Willam and power walks away as fast as she can. Luckily, her legs are longer than the other two’s, so they have to run to catch up with her. Serves them right. Cunts. She has never been so embarrassed in her life.

“Laska, slow down!” Courtney calls out after her. Alaska stops and crossed her arms, pouting.

“I can’t believe you fucking said that,” Alaska says to Willam, “did you see how uncomfortable he looked?” Willam just shrugs.

“He’s probably into it. You’re hot.” Alaska blinks at her, expressionless. “I’d fuck you.” Alaska glances at Courtney who just rolls her eyes fondly.

“I have higher standards.” Alaska responds, Courtney screams out a laugh.

“Oh bitch! Oh bitch!” Willam laughs, they’ve gained the attention from the majority of the students in their vicinity, which isn’t a lot with it being only seven thirty in the morning.

Alaska cracks a smile; they’re obnoxious and loud, but Alaska thinks that they’re going to get along fairly well. At least, she hopes so..

When she finally gets to the auditorium where her class is held, Alaska is underwhelmed by the amount of people there are. She knows it’s early but she was still expecting more than fifteen students. She finds an empty seat and waits for class to start. She pulls out a notebook, flipping it open to the first page and starts to sketch until class starts. She doesn’t look up when she feels someone sitting next to her, but she nearly jumps out of her skin when they start talking to her.

“What’re you drawing?” She snaps her head up, and of fucking course, it’s Jerick. She glances down at the page,

“Uh, just some dress designs,” she responds, Jerick leans over and inspects the page. Alaska is suddenly extremely self aware, she doesn’t know what to do with her hands, and she doesn’t know if she’s breathing too loudly, did she put on perfume? No, she forgot, fuck. Jerick is smiling down at the page, closely inspecting it.

“It’s really good, Alaska. Are you a Fashion Design Major?” Jerick asks, looking back up at Alaska.

“No, I’m a Theatre Major. What about you?” she asks, she wants to know everything about him, which she knows is crazy because they legit only met in the early hours of this morning. Why is she so attracted to him? He’s very flamboyant, his hair is a frizzy mess, he has acrylic nails, but yet, all of that is endearing.

“I’m Theatre as well,” Jerick says with an infectious smile. Alaska smiles back, unable to stop it from forming. She doesn’t know what to say back, but luckily the professor calls for attention, and starts going over the syllabus so Alaska doesn’t have to respond.

She tries to pay attention to the professor, but with Jerick sitting next to her she’s completely distracted, and it’s frustrating. Alaska doesn’t like to assume anyone’s sexual or gender identity, but she’s fairly certain that he’s gay, so it probably wouldn’t work out anyways, and he would probably never like her like that. Which is fine, she can admire from afar until she’s over it. Which she sincerely hopes happens soon, because she really doesn’t want to deal with this, and they just met, she shouldn’t be this attracted to him this soon. But of course she is, because why wouldn’t she be? He’s exactly her type. Warm brown eyes, a dazzling smile, a nice personality- at least that’s what she’s gathered from their limited interactions. Maybe she’s just crazy.

The class continues in a similar fashion for another half hour, when they finally get through the syllabus. Alaska packs up her stuff, quickly and efficiently. Jerick had already left, saying a quick goodbye to Alaska. She’s disappointed, but she doesn’t expect him to wait for her, because well, they hardly know each other and they aren’t even friends. She sighs, zipping her bag closed and slinging it over her shoulder. She pulls her phone out of her pocket, noticing that it’s only nine, and her next class isn’t for another hour. She sends a quick text of ‘you awake?’ to Aaron before making her way to the coffee stand a floor down. She’s shocked when she gets a quick reply of ‘no’ from him, expecting him to still be asleep. Alaska tells him to meet her for coffee and she already knows he will, even though he responds with another ‘no’.

She only has to wait ten minutes before the messy haired blonde shows up. He glares at her from behind his glasses, there’s still a little bit of eyeliner smudged under his eyes from sleep, and he’s wearing the most ridiculous neon pink, fuzzy slippers that are extremely out of character for him, but Alaska was the one who got them for him so he deals with it.

“Good morning sunshine!” Alaska greets, a smirk gracing her features.

“Fuck off.” He says, brushing past her and going straight up to the barista. He throws his meal card at the poor, dumbfounded girl and says “Coffee. Black. Now.” Alaska rolls her eyes fondly. She apologizes to the barista, whose name tag reads ‘Adore’, before ordering her own drink.

When they get their drinks, they sit at a small table in the corner of the small room, Aaron’s drink is already half finished and a there’s grimace fixed onto his face.

“What’s with the face?” Alaska asks.

“I hate black coffee.” Aaron says, pouting at the drink as if it could magically change into a sweeter, possibly alcoholic, concoction. “I hate coffee.”

“Then why’d you order it?” Alaska asks, laughing at her dumb ass of a best friend.

“It’s Satan’s ass crack o’clock in the morning, Lasky. And I forgot the alcohol in my dorm.” Aaron continues to pout, and Alaska ignores him, moving the conversation along.

“When’s your first class?” Alaska asks, taking a sip from her coffee.

“Eleven thirty.” He’s still pouting, and Alaska’s still ignoring it.

“What class is it?” She asks.

“Fucking statistics,” he says, somehow pouting even more. “Then I have public speaking, and that’s going to be bullshit.” Aaron continues on in a rant, and Alaska half pays attention to him. She wonders if she should bring up Jerick, or if she should just ignore it. It’s just a silly little crush, it could be absolutely nothing, and it’s way too early to be naming their kids. But she really wants to talk about him, and make out with him. Jerick, not Aarron.

“Alaska,” Aaron says in disbelief, Alaska looks up, blinking slowly. Aaron’s face was one of disapproval and judgement. “I love when you ignore me. Okay, what’s wrong, or who is he?”

“Why do you just assu-” Alaska starts.

“Who is he?” Aaron cuts her off, he knows Alaska better than he knows himself. She only ever spaces out when he’s talking if she’s upset about something, or she can’t stop thinking about someone.

Alaska opens her mouth to protest, but Aaron raises an eyebrow, and Alaska sighs, “his name’s Jerick, and it’s probably nothing.”

“Okay,” He gestures for her to continue, “when did you meet him?”

“Technically, officially, this morning, but we ran into each other in the bathroom last night, or well, I was in there when he came in.” Alaska says, sitting up straighter, Aaron nods. “ And then I literally ran into him this morning and knocked over all of his stuff-”

“Clutz,” Aaron comments with a smirk, Alaska glares at him but continues to tell her story, telling him about Willam’s comments, and how he /still/ sat next to her in class.

“He’s just…really cute. And perfect.” She finishes.

“Alaska, you just met him.” Aaron says incredulously.

“I knooow, but he’s so cute an-”

“Alaska,” Aaron cuts her off, “you’ve known him for less than twelve hours. This is ridiculous, even for you.” Alaska pouts, but Aaron’s having none of it. “I know it’s hard, but ignore it, and befriend him. Get to know him. He’s probably not as perfect as you think.”

“He is.” Alaska tries to defend him and herself.

“What’s his major?” He asks, Alaska brightens up, because she knew this.

“Theatre,” She says with a triumphant smile.

“What’s his last name?” Alaska’s smile falters. Shit. “Favorite color? Favorite book? Does he play video games? Does he have the patience of a saint, to be able to deal with you? Does he even identify as a he?” Alaska opens and closes her mouth a couple of times trying to find something to say to that. Aaron sighs and grabs Alaska’s hand over the table.

“Lasky, you’re my best friend and I want you to be happy, but you have to stop attaching yourself to people you barely know, it’s only going to end up hurting you, and I’m not about to let anyone hurt my best fucking friend, my sister.” He says, and it’s the most sincere Alaska’s heard him say in a while.

“You’re going to regret calling me your sister if we end up falling madly in love and getting married,” she says, laughing when Aaron’s face falls from sincerity, to annoyed.

“You’re the absolute fucking worst. I’m going to get my fucking vodka so I can deal with you like an adult,” he says, getting up and storming away, leaving Alaska a laughing mess at the table.

Aaron was right though, she realizes when she sobers up. She needs to put her big girl panties on and stop attaching herself to helpless civilians, especially really cute ones. She’s going to get to know Jerick, and they’re going to be friends. If friendship turns into something more, then Alaska won’t complain. For once.

#alaska thunderfuck #sharon needles #jinkx monsoon #courtney act #willam belli #jalaska #witney #trans!alaska #transgender character #white houses #dottie #rpdr fanfiction #trans character #m/f au #submission

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s-hadow-chan · 6 years

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Moving blogs + a reflection essay

tl;dr -- I’m moving my main blog. Because lots of my views on life have changed, my life has changed, and obviously my tastes in fandoms have changed. I’ll put the URL here later once I’ve made it. To see how I got to this position and where I am now, keep reading ^w^

Note: This is just my own opinion as to how I’ve seen Tumblr over the past few years.

Well, it’s the start of a New Year. I haven’t been active much in 2017 but I’ll try and be active this year. Thanks to all the people who’ve helped and supported me this year and the following people who have made my life on Tumblr : *a list of people I rarely talk to anymore*

....Is what I would have said perhaps a year or two ago. I’m still glad I’ve joined this site and had conversations with some KnB fanatics like I was. However, I haven’t talked to them in a year. The only people I usually talk to on this site are basically nonexistent. I mean my friends from high school technically, but I talk to them irl during classes and lunch. The truth is that I have not been active on Tumblr for the past year. And my activity on the site was starting to wane in 2016 as well when I accidentally deleted my main blog last year when I was actually trying to delete a side blog I was working on. But that’s besides the fact as to why I’m moving. I’ve changed quite a bit since 2014 when I first joined Tumblr. My views of the world have changed, my life has changed, even the tiniest things such as my fandom tastes have changed. Because of this change, I’m moving to a new blog. Since you’ve decided to keep reading, I’m going to write a long detailed essay about the three things that have changed with me: my taste, my views on the world, and my life in 2014. You have the complete freedom to click out anytime ^w^

The fourteen-year-old me has a different shit taste in anime than the shit taste I have in anime now. Obviously, no one person can stay the same. If you’ve reblogged the little posts I’ve reblogged from other blogs (try saying that five times lol) notice how there’s barely any Hetalia or Kuroko no Basket or Haikyuu for that matter. Even when I’ve been active for the past few days, it’s been more positive posts, memes, and occasional anime of Hero Aca and such. So really if you want to know what I’m into at the moment, it’s Honeyworks, Hero Aca, Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso (Your Lie in April), food, study things, any Makoto Shinkai film (doesn’t have to be Your Name but it can be) and always memes. And getting off from the high of finishing Yamada-kun and the Seven Witches, I’ll be looking for that too. Also, notice the decline in squealing yaoi fangirl that used to squeal in the tags section about two dudes cross-dressing. Ah, yes. The Hetalia days of where I’d ship APH America with everyone and just had a huge obsession with APH America. The title of my blog (on mobile anyway) is still a quote from the dub haha. To be fair, that squealing, yaoi fangirl did have a brief revival when Yuri on Ice was still airing. I still have a soft spot for the anime as it was very good (and still is, Phichit will forever be an angel) and I absolutely LOVE Makkachin still. But for the most part, I have mostly lost the whole yaoi fangirl that I once was in Freshman year of high school who still loved shipping countries together. Why I deviated from Hetalia is another post unto itself.

I mentioned how I haven’t been posting a lot of kurobas lately. Yes my interest has waned in the show, but I still appreciate what it’s done for me in my high school years. I still have a quote from Aida Riko back in the earlier chapters of the manga hanging on my wall as I work on homework: “I want you to have a big concrete objective and the will to achieve it.” I won’t deny, KnB really helped me set the mentality I needed to tackle high school -- to keep pushing myself to become a better person. Whether I fulfilled that expectation or not is debatable. But as always, the inspirational quotes of KnB will undoubtedly carry me onto college too.

Now don’t get triggered when I say that Tumblr can really take leftist ideology to the extreme. It’s definitely right to treat everybody equally no matter their skin color, gender, sexuality, shape, size, disability, etc. Basically, everyone deserves to be treated equally. That’d definitely fine and it’s the right way to live life after all. However, it first hit me in Junior year that Tumblr was getting annoying. The whole “the straights are terrible” and “white men should burn in hell” preaching gave Tumblr the black and white views of the world without any grays (or greys however you spell it) in between. Now I’m a straight CIS female. I’ve got good friends who are asexual, bi, lesbian, etc. I will say this, but I doubt it will be heard by the screams of hate against a straight CIS gender like myself: I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR DAMN SEXUALITY OR GENDER OR COLOR OR WHATEVER IS AS LONG AS YOU ARE A NICE PERSON! If you are a trans, gay Hispanic (an example, not pointing you out) who treats other people terribly, that means I will flip you off and beat your ass (to some extent of this statement). Not all straight people are bad and not all gays are good and it goes for every demographic that exists ever.

Though it may seem that I am blaming all of Tumblr for acting this way, I am. But I can’t forget that I too, once had a black and white view of the world. As a fourteen-year-old who was very much shielded from the world because of a private Catholic school with conservative parents who are very well off, I had an inkling of what the rest of the world was like. And I feel like the people on Tumblr were just as uneducated about the world as I was. By no means do I know everything about the world now. A seventeen-year-old who hasn’t even finished high school will never know how the me from four years from now feels. I am just saying that my opinion from leaning so far left a damn tree would break has become more moderate. This website made me think: gosh being straight and CIS is uncool and being a normal functional being with no anxiety or depression isn’t normal too. I need to be bi and genderfluid! That was stupid thinking. Right now, I’m completely fine with being a straight, CIS female with no mental illnesses such as depression or anxiety who will gladly respect your pronouns.

Now life is really crazy. It was crazy in 2016, and it was crazy in 2017 too. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that I’m from Las Vegas, Nevada now did I? Times have changed man. I don’t think I would have said that when I was 10 on a website lol. But yeah if you’ve somehow been scrolling this far down I commend your efforts. And I’m sure you’re getting really strained rn. So get some water, take a break, I’m sorry if you can’t get to a laptop or computer right now. Don’t read this in one go. If you’ve returned or decided to read straight on through welcome back or good for you respectively. Now I’ll repeat that again. Yes, I live in Las Vegas, Nevada. Right where Stephen Paddock decided to shoot from the 37th floor of Mandalay Bay onto the Route 91 Harvest Festival where over 500 people were wounded and 50 people were killed and where three students from my school were at on Sunday night (they were unharmed physically I believe). I found this out when I was tucked in bed at home, far from the strip checking my friend’s snapchats before I fell asleep. For the largest mass shooting in modern US history to take place in an area where my family would take our extended family to dinner or where we once had a New Years Eve celebration at the Vdara, is sickening. My cousins and I used to go to Mandalay Bay and hang out at the pool and stay the night because it was Spring break back when we were in middle school. My mom’s 40th birthday was at the Mandalay Bay. It’s terrible. I know how those people in Orlando and Colorado and everywhere else in the world feel when a mass shooting happens and completely disrupts your life. I’ve barely even been to the strip this year. The fact that a terror attack happened in my own backyard is beyond words. It makes me angry that some bastard decided to fuck up the lives of everyone in my city by ruining a good time at a concert. It makes me sad when I read a Washington Post later about a group of girls who went to a Lutheran school were affected by this event mentally and some even physically by this event. And that in turns makes me pissed off that some dude ruined the lives of teenage girls exactly like me, who were worried about the SAT and ACT and AP Classes and college. Fuck him.

So that’s my feelings on the shooting a few months late. But remember that I live in Las Vegas. You can’t just forget a mass shooting that happened in the city you live in. I’d mention how people would disagree with me that other events on the strip have happened such as a robbing at the Bellagio (it’s always the Bellagio man! That’s my fave part of the strip with the dancing waters and the seasonal garden inside like man they don’t deserve that) and etc. but feel free to disagree with me when you submit an ask dear anon.

Now on a somewhat lighter note, high school will forever be stressful. Going to the best high school in the state is stressful when all your friends have a nonstop grind to be one of the valedictorians (apparently you can have more than one?? I had no idea until I went to high school). Though I am nowhere near becoming a valedictorian, I still have plans to graduate with high honors ( wearing white for graduation) because half of the people graduating will wear white because it’s a magnet school dammit we’re kinda smart. AP classes have been part of my workload since Sophomore year which is right when I deleted my blog, but I managed to keep my activity up somewhat. Junior year slumped in my activity big time. APUSH is hard you guys. That’s it. I believe I posted a reflection at the start of 2017 detailing a bit more of this. But the difference this year is that I’m a senior in high school. That means college and scholarships. As I’ve mentioned before, I live in Nevada. I either stay in Las Vegas and attend the university there or I head up to Reno, which is like a 6-hour drive from home or just an hour flight. That means living in a dorm away from everything I’ve known. And that includes my boyfriend.

The biggest change in my life between Freshman year and now is that I’m taken! And honestly, it was the biggest fucking plot twist of 2016 (and the largest failed segway of 2018 thus far). I’m dating the largest weeb at my school ever and I’m happy dammit. Most of the time. I’ve learned a lot from being in a relationship like how to shut the fuck up and listen and appreciate more in life. By no means was my relationship perfect either. We’ve had a lot of fights. I’ve mentioned this in my reflection of 2016 at the start of last year so the rundown is that we’ve been together a year and a half now. I’m in a healthy relationship. Then college comes in and says hi. Now my boyfriend has decided to go to the university here in Las Vegas. I’m still very unsure as to where I want to go next. After all, the decision as to where to continue my education lies with me and I’m running out of time (I’m procrastinating on the decision right now lol). Four years ago, I had dreams of going out of state to either a UC school or the United States Airforce Academy in Colorado, until I learned that school outside of my state is expensive so I decided to stay within the confines of Nevada.

And honestly, that’s where I’m at right now. Thanks for reading this long ass rant. I spent an hour or two typing this up. I just have a lot of feelings haha. I hope everyone has the best year ever. If this is after I’ve posted my new URL, go follow me there. But for now, thanks for all the support thus far and especially for reading this long ass rant. See you!

#angel's rant #personal stuff

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