#life and times of cog

[okkennymay]

HoO BOI! Now that was a dishearteningly long hiatus 👀 But good news! My brother and I were finally able to move back out after 6 long months, the week before Christmas at that! It’s been such a whirlwind since then, recovering from the holidays and ensuring the new house meets all my tricky needs took longer than I’d have liked but goodness-

It feels good to be back 💖

Thank you all for being so patient with me, I’d regretfully fell into my “recovery mode” to deal with how consistently sick I was from the stress and effort of trying to move back out, which made the ordeal take oh so much longer- a vicious circle indeed @v@ But I got my Christmas Miracle and here I am! 

I missed you guys so much ;C; 💖

The time off did give me a lot of time to think, and I realized I need to be lot kinder to myself in regards to my own expectations, I always want to give 110%, to my art and to each and every single person I talk to, to each one of you, but I have got to learn to accept that’s just going to drive me into the ground time and time again ‘cause I just don’t have it in me no matter how much I want it, my heart too big for my got dayum good- I can’t stand the idea of anyone feeling left out or forgotten but I force that to be the inevitable by pushing myself too far time and time again and crashing 9v9″

I try, try again, this time as OKKennyMay, ‘cause it’s good enough to just be Okay and I need to remind myself of that 😤

#KennyMay_OvO #OKKennyMay #Danny Phantom #I live in the ghost zone #life be ironic #i really do be the half ghost boi what the hell man #Thank you to everyone who puts up with my fading into the abyss #time and time again #yo hit me up MTV welcome to my crib i stole some of Clockys Cogs i use them as floating coasters

[cathalbravecog]

veep dad comfort art

#veep dad :] #i have Not been well mentally tbh the second im with friends i DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE anyways ill be VENTING A TINY BIT HERE #i need excitement in my life but im like #has no social life #oopsies...! #so i thought yknow what would make me happy rn. My Veep Dad #yea thats it #also ive been struggling with motivations to play ttcc and draw so.... #apologies for being in the game less. especially as im in the post game with almost everything done #im usually kinda really goal oriented in games and yeah having no tasks or close friends to play with #im just kinda THERE and getting that initial push to do stuff is very hard #my motivation has just been at an all time zero (again) and it upsets me bc i do wanna do stuff...not bc ohh productivity but bc #i just wanna HAVE FUNNNN #anyways erm.... thanks for listening to my little rant here again. i dont know where else to express this sort of stuff. feels wrong to dum #it on strangers who i know are there for my art but. whatever. yknow #just wish i was more motivated in general but my life is Just Kinda Sad and im an Antisocial Anxious Wreck Dear Cog #senior vice president #sr vp #veep dad #personal tag if i dont wanna main tag.... #doodles #traditional art #guz art #toontown

[nandivina]

A soft quiet moment between these two

#first time trying to paint something all in grayscale but then I threw in some color at the end anyway lol #couldn't decide between the two so I posted both #the golden rose #it's funny I'll be doing something else living my life and then I remember tgr exists and I think about these two and I'm back on tgr mode #alessa #bea #beatrice #tgr #hoping for more sweet soft moments in book 2 #interactive fiction #cog #choice of games #my art #fanart

[indigo6f00ff]

i think what's been putting me off of digital art for a while is that the way i was doing it just took like too long and was too tedious for my brain to want to focus on so i'm trying out New Ways Of Doing Things that have similar results to my old style (imo) and this is a result of Practice Arting. anyway here's the guy with the same name as the character from cloudy with a chance of meatballs

#toontown #toontown corporate clash #firestarter #flint bonpyre #toontown cogs #ttcc #corporate clash #toonblr #toontag #cogs #art #digital art #artwork #so sad that he had to be decapitated in order for this to be drawn. oh well he'll get better soon. #this one. is small but i think i'm slowly getting out of my brain's refusal to do digital art... #hopefully i'll be able to do big pieces soon again without feeling the life being drained out of me every time i think about opening my #canvas. this definitely was easier to do than Other Artstyle and i think it's going to lead to better looking pieces cuz i'm not spending s #much time trying to squeeze texture out of a watercolor brush #although it's not lineless i hope i can experiment with it more to make the lines less prominent and have the shading be the way that shape #are flushed out to the eye while the lines are just. visual guides to what things should look like yknow #also i'm using fill tool for this now instead of Meticulously Filling In With Watercolor so that's less of a pain in the ass #and now i'm just doing watercolor in gradient spots for variation of color + shading #and then putting sketchbook over it to give it some more noise and texture to make it look less flat #no blur filter either i just rendered it with some unsharp mask and then changed the RGB levels to get nicer colors #basically it was just reg. brush over sketch -> fill color -> watercolor -> put pencil sketch over outline -> put pencil sketch over color #-> render -> add quick white background for some flair ig #unfortunately school will still prob be kicking my ass... fuck college algebra... but even when i'm tired i hope this'll Motivate me to go #do digital shit again cuz all i've been doing is notebook sketches and like. i miss making full-fledged colored pieces man. its just so #exhausting to do tho when my brain has a tantrum bout it. anyways

[spamtoon]

i would take their poison

Sketch + Line Art for those Clicking Under the Cut(tm) (archival purposes honestly)

#moshi monsters #sweet tooth moshi monsters #experimentation i am COG AWFUL at digital dear goodness i was playing with coloring and transparency and all those fun digital doodads. #next time i probably wont have black outline or i'll do it differently. or i'll try well. not doing this. it sure was a process im #i'm an amateur everyone who masically only doodles. does the sketch look better than the final. kinda! but thats okay because im learning #and y'know what. sometimes in life you just need to draw faves no consequences #for how saturated a character they are i kinda feel like i pastelled things too muc and trapped myself with my convoluted layer setup but m #it was looking WEIRD with everything at full force #maybe the sparkles look dumb maybe the hair looks dumb and out of place and why i kinda made the lollipop a little funky too #uhh. first digital piece posted... ever? #the arm is SO fucky i am not that was. thats not what perspective is spam #yes this is what i spent a good chunk of today doing after i started working on coloring it and then. decided to go for it. #cooolrs a little inaccurate on the horns and such but man one of the biggest art things was like #i dont have to have everything at their perfect hex codes all the time. this would look way worse if i just. used their standard colors #yeah this is. instead of looking like its forward and to the right it kinda just looks like they have a Bigger hypno-lolly #especialy becase. i did not bother on the gloves and platforms i the sparkles work with 2 kinda sorta but you know #im practicing! i'm learning! i'll get better and learn how to do things more effectively! #anyway. sweet toof #though hey their arm looks even more fucked in the line art and sketch SO #note to future self have a Consistent Line Art Size so that if you feel like the line art looks like shit during coloring you dont have to #gamble on what size it was while changing it #sketch lollipop looks better i should have kept it small. but its fine. we'll get em next time boys (tm) #yes i know my gif post was so fancy and then the drawing is just THIS

[brewed-pangolin]

Hello darkness, my old friend...

#time to clock in til the end #work life #cog in the machine #back to the grinder

[bmpmp3]

its important to watch a new movie or read a new book sometimes. largely because 1) its nice to experience all the art this world has to offer but also 2) you might be able to find new scenarios to imagine your OCs in

#it gets the cogs turning if ur imaginary scenarios get stale #wait did anyone else do this. when i was a kid i played with my toys in the very storytelling heavy style #like every toy was a character type thing. ten million large spanning melodramatic stories of epic proportions with my littlest pet shops #like that was the type of play i liked. and i would #sit in front of the TV with whatever playing half watching cartoons #or watching some kids movie on vhs borrowed from the library back when they still had tapes #and the whole time i would be playing with my toys. seeming more engrossed in the story among my toys than the movie i was watching #but i WAS watching the movie i was just using it largely as a. jumping off point. to make up stories about like #my lps cat who can see ghosts and her search for her long lost twin sister or something #Oh god and when i was a little older like 10 years old making ms paint animations age #whenever i was watching a movie with like famiy or in class or whatever and maybe it was a little boring at parts #i would like. start focusing on the score only and just imagine my own sparklewolf OCs to it instead of paying attention #my dad often fondly remembers watching avatar in theatres with the whole family and looking over to me and seeing me mentally GONE hfkjdfhs #mother and older brother were pretty engrossed with the effects and visuals and i was like. eyes glazed over staring into space #imagining blue wolves with anime hair like :) my dad thought it was very funny. he cant judge the reason he was looking around was because #often hes more interested in watching other people react to a movie than the movie itself LOL we are cut from similar cloths.. #i still dont remember a thing about that movie. but the score wasnt bad HJKDBJFKLSHJFDs #but yeah i dunno. watch a horror movie. think about putting your ocs through the horrors. thats how ive lived my entire life

[autistic-sidestep]

sidestep autism moment #9432058

#almost textbook sensory overload/overstimulation #autistic sidestep supercut #ramblings #now thats a tag i haven't used in a while #haven't had the chance to play in a while cos i did not have the energy to start a new run from scratch. ty cog save manager for my life <3 #will maybe take juno to parkfield this time around cos it's usually sura that goes and i've only experienced leg rights like. once.

[aeide-thea]

still thinking abt the tumblrinx i encountered a while back whose pinned post said they were transmasc… and also demanded that men dni

like—i’m not confused by the convoluted not-like-the-other-boys doublethink that gets you there, i can follow the chain of illogic just fine, but i sure am deeply wearily depressed by it!

#i know plenty of good men—good cis men even! gasp! #and i just think like. if we can’t move away from‚ like‚ cold gender war how the fuck do we move forward #fundamentally like. 100% block people who have behaved towards you in ways you didn't like. #but like. this whole thing where ~afabs~ preemptively self-victimize by conjuring up the creepiest cishet man they can imagine #and self-harm by worrying abt that imaginary guy jacking off to them #is just like. i understand how it happens but it’s like. you’re actively doing negative visualization #and‚ like‚ preemptively self-victimizing #ime it feels a lot better to move through the world unworried‚ in the knowledge that if someone says sth gross to you: you can block them! #anyway ultimately i’m pretty clearly making this post bc i'm overdue to unfollow the tirfiest blogger i’m currently following #like. yeah loads of cishet men are shitheads but ~misandry~ is so last decade #and frankly i don’t have a lot more time for the cishet women who have bought into the same system—like i have some sympathy but. #these people all get warped by the system into complementary fucked-up cogs whose teeth bite into one another #and i’m just not interested in biting back—i want to leave all the biting behind in the dust of the junkyard that birthed it #and like. i don’t want to dismiss the oppression that births this sort of rhetoric. it's super real and it's toxic and it fucks people up. #but it’s like. when people have bad dads and then are like Dads R Always Bad!!! #and i’m just over here like. i don’t know how to say this without sounding like i’m invalidating you but my dad was a fucking saint tbh #not perfect dgmw but like. a sweet gentle encouraging man who got ground down by my mother’s toxic heel along with the rest of us #so like. actually not only are you closing yr eyes to a better future‚ yr closing yr eyes to other ppl’s lived realities #like i personally managed to have a totally life-ruining mother without deciding Mothers Are Ontologically Evil Actually! #idk. obviously women remain *enormously* systemically oppressed! but surely we can acknowledge and decry that without #implicitly rhetorically closing off any possibility of a gentler queerer gender dynamic? #anyway none of this is revolutionary i’m just like. i KNOW the fascists want to cut off my toes and force me into the glass slipper #of viciously constrained femininity #that in turn makes itself feel better by sneering at men‚ critiquing other women who Do It Wrong‚ and exerting control over children #so i have strong personal cause to care about misogyny even if i didn’t care about it in the abstract #but i just think like. acting like traditional gender roles and dynamics are a fixed truth we can only bruise ourselves on #instead of a human construction that we can undermine and work to topple #is not actually the path to a healed world in the long run! #anyway. beta edition post (thumbtyped & not reread): may contain bugs.

[st4rstudent]

psst hey

hey

go onto cogs.ink

type a singular quotation mark for both the username and password

hit login

YESS THE "im not mad just disappointed". I actually did a redraw of that image a while back! its kind of old though

I also lovee the commodities hidden index page . i love the fact that winn loves to doodle/add things (commodities index page and the password papers )

#clemask #the cogs ink page is so goood i love having an actual little website to go through and find stuff #“major BOREDOM index” heheheheheheehwinnnnnn #also the doodle with winn and mac together its so over im on life support #i keep wanting to get the commodities page in real time but i never can do so. i think im doing something wrong

[everoutoftouch]

.

#I’m not alive just to be a cog in the machine or fail at being a cog in the machine and getting tossed aside #there’s no purpose to life which would be great if I wasn’t a depressive broken mess all the time #purposelessness can be freeing if you aren’t depressed I think

[queeriboh]

and finding out that one stim blog isn't going to make any more lisa frank manga edits just

this really is going to be the last real year of my life isnt it

#I can't #give up #I'm not brave or selfish enough to do that #I'll just #give up on being happy #doing anything fun #i'm 31 one now #I guess it's time #to stop enjoying things #just #be a cog in the machine #accept that the point of life is to work to oay bills and nothing else #this #is what it means to be an adult #right? #vent //

[casualnepotism]

It is a strange thing, for a fighter to be so full of words. Having known a fuck ton of them, they’re usually either too quick-witted or too damaged to have any. But I have so many.

Chock full, some would say. I’ve stored them up for years, months, weeks, days. Hours. All the moments it was expected to say them, I missed. All the moments it wasn’t, I seemed to grasp onto and yet- still- they remain. Even when I manage to get them out of me, they’re the wrong ones: excess that built up over time and spilled out before I could fix them into what they were supposed to be. Cataloging the moments where I could have. Should have. Said anything at all and I couldn’t.

When Maelo said he had it, When Wol decided to leave, When Cog tore out her heart, When Clay made his choice, When Nilos first floated joining the board, When Adiane leaned into her godhood, When Cog destroyed the church, When I killed Wol, When Jack killed Dennis, When Jack died, Again, again, again, When Nilos did leave to join the board,

So many times I’ve written speeches in my head to match you all, discarding them back down to where they could live safely. Knowing they could never match what any of you say without even thinking about it. Knowing that none of your goals align to my own, not really. I kept thinking the time would come, the stars would align, the world would sit still long enough for me to explain. Long enough that you would have time to listen and parse my plodding inanities to hear the point that I hide.

Clumsily. Easily visible to anyone listening, I know. I am not skilled in words the way y’all are, so I have to assume you choose not to hear, and I understand. In your shoes, in the end, given the selfishness of what I ask, I would make the same choice.

My words will never match the ones you all spill forth so easily, handing them to the rest of us like they’re grains of sand and not precious gifts to be hoarded and turned, over and over, until they lose definition with love. Not the ones I hand over, not the ones I hide and perfect, and perfect again and again and again.

I supplement instead with what I can give: a hand, a shoulder, a punching bag, a presence, a whetstone, a shield, a pillow. All of my words, folded and compressed, and shaved of their edges until they can be handed away in a bomb that you will never recognize.

Not a bomb, perhaps. You see? Even now, my words cannot compare.

Allow me to rephrase.

We all know what a milkshake is. We could easily describe it. But there is so much more, for us, held inside the word that we could never describe. For me, anyway.

I hope that you have always understood my actions for what they are. A milkshake for the words I was never able to say. I hope you know that I would never you are so I have never I could never if you were to s I hope you know it’s a milkshake for only one word, really, that you can and should interpret in all its forms.

Stay.

#i know i don't normally post my bios here but i LIKED this one and i wanted to save it #it was just fun to finally write a sunny thing that's entirely internal and like. shoutout to all the times i use big words she wouldn't kno #WAS i thinking about how my tbi makes it so that i'm a lot more eloquent in my head/writing than i am out loud? #MAYBE SO #i don't wanna hear about it #anyway sunny remains deep in her feels about cog actively trying to die #is it the repressed trauma of being abandoned by her dad that wasn't really resolved? #honestly nah i think it's everyone else doing the same thing #as an aside though it's very funny to have been the person who started the maelo-baby joke and be the only MB who didn't really have it #resolved at the end #life's funny like that #anyway no one read this it's just for me #the wasteland #sunny ray

[bekahdoesnerdshit]

Thinking about that scene in the wasteland epilogue again when Cog had just gotten back and Adiane calls for Ace, but AJ beats Ace to the living room and he looks JUST like his dad did when Cog left and there’s a split second where Cog starts toward him before catching herself because she knows that can’t be him, but at the same time

And then he just sorta nods to her, says “hey, mom” to Adiane and Cog’s breath catches because oh. Oh. Oh. Of course, these are their kids, but he looks so much like his dad and

#there’s such an indescribable emotion here. your best friend and big brother has kids who are older than he was when you left #your nieces and nephews are decades older than you. the most important people in your life have new important people!!! #and not in a sad way in a you get to know these new important people now!! but it also shows just how much time was lost #AHHHHH #cog #wasteland campaign #mine

[leatherbookmark]

ahhh i see both brothers are in different genres and chay’s is teenage slice of life (so far). that i skipped. sorry boy you’re cute but

#kim... wik... little brother please you're ALSO cute but :''') #and WHAT is that autograph supposed to be #liveshrimping #but also re: kim/chay i can't stop thinking about those tags i found under one post that were like. #imagine your shawol friend suddenly lost interest completely and then taemin showed up at your favourite bar with a steel chair #this sentence is stuck in my brain forever #i don't care for teenage slice of life but i CAN'T WAIT for the taemin to whip out the chair #and it seems the cogs in his head are TURNINGGGG #wonderful. go on lad go on #OH THEY'RE SAYING PLACE! CLEAR! so cool so cool #idk if it's the shading but porsche's sporting a barely noticeable wee moustache situation and it's SO cute #PORSCHE LOOKING LIKE AN OPPA...... #they didn't even Try to make the glass not look fucking dirty... fond sigh #oh the plot is thickening the plot is thickeningggg #aw :( he didn't have time to leave a lil message for kinn :( #not 2 be myself but w/ the way vegas seems very into ruining kinn's day... they're just cousins but. still :)

[sakebytheriver]

....

#anyone else just completely and utterly bored like all the time #like i feel like i dont feel any emotions these days except boredom #my life feels like such a monotonous routine that just makes me feel like im stuck in a groundhog day situation #yet time is still passing #im still getting older and days are passing me by but everything is the same #everything bores me #maybe a part of it is my job schedule is super weird #i work overnight shifts so im generally asleep during the day and awake during the night #and my day technically starts on one day and ends the next #so time passes faster and weirder than everyone else #explaining my schedule to people always confuses them #i like working my job and working overnight but i wonder if its hurting me in social and emotional ways #i just want to feel less bored #i want to feel motivated by stuff again #i want to do stuff that makes me feel like a human being instead of a cog in a machine #i want to do more with my dream job i want to be artistic and imaginative #and i want to be someone im not #i just want to fastforward to the part of my life where im living my dream where im doing what ive always dreamed of doing #but im just stuck in the present moving through life just utterly bored