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redprincessfics · 5 years

Text

Always You

Rating: T for language and some extremely minor innuendo

Ship: Hakyona

Details: Modern AU, 5200+ words, Crossposted to AO3 here with some additional notes about the AU

The buzz of his apartment doorbell startles Hak awake from an evening nap.

He sits up, rubbing bleary eyes. The tv is on, across from where he lied on his futon couch, now playing some tv drama he was unfamiliar with. He glances at his phone; it was 10:34 pm, the windows of his small apartment was dark outside when it’d been barely breaking dusk when he’d fallen asleep. The last text he’d gotten was from Jae-ha, several hours back. Take it easy and let me know if you need to get your mind off things. Got a pack of beer with your name on it.

The door buzzes once more. He heaves himself to his feet, tilting his head side to side to straighten out the krick in his neck.

Normally, he would have checked the peep hole before opening the door. But tonight he was simply too tired and groggy, pulling open the door without much thought.

The night is stormy, what had only been a drizzle hours ago was now teeming down. Yona’s red curls drip with rainwater as she stands in his apartment doorstep, shivering harshly. She sniffles, her arms wrapped about her drenched party dress, whose once flouncy skirt clung heavily to her legs. What was she doing here? She was supposed to be at Kouren’s wedding reception.

“Hi,” She says, her voice wobbling.

Hak ushers her inside without a word, turning toward his thermostat to flick it up a few notches. He’d always liked his home somewhat cooler, which had always been a frequent complaint of Yona when she visited. It had been a while since she’d been there to complain about it.

Yona steps into the apartment almost cautiously, as though she wasn’t sure if she was still welcome there. She places her handbag on his kitchen counter, her heels clacking unevenly on the tile floor.

“What’s wrong, Yona?” Hak asks, shutting his door behind her.

He moves to his linen closet when she doesn’t answer, pulling out a large bath towel and wrapping it around her. As he settles the towel around her tiny shoulders, she lets out a gentle sob.

“Are you hurt?” He asks gently, rubbing the moisture out of her hair. “Injured anywhere?”

She shakes her head vehemently. “No! No!” Violet meets blue for a second, and it’s as if the eye contact flips a switch in her. Tears fall down her cheeks, and she pulls the towel to her eyes to stave the flow.

“Hime-san,” He says, pulling her close for a hug. She eases into the embrace, soothed by the use of his old nickname for her.

“...Broke up.” Yona mumbles into his chest.

Hak freezes. She’d heard about him and Aro?

“Suwon and I broke up.”

Oh.

Wait, what?

“You broke up?” He repeats, almost without thought.

“Yes,” Yona squeezes him tighter. “We-we’re finished for good.”

It won’t be for good. Hak thinks immediately, planting a gentle kiss in her hair. It was a small couple’s quarrel. A misunderstanding. Suwon will drop by tomorrow, explain everything, and all will go back to how it was. They love each other, there’s no way this is for good.

He doesn’t voice those thoughts, instead he gently extracts himself from her embrace and forces a smirk. She doesn’t need to hear him wax on about how they’d get back together, he’d only make her feel worse about it. “Let’s hang out tonight, then. Misery loves company; Aro just dumped my sorry ass too.”

“What?” Yona gasps, clutching the towel over her mouth. “Oh Hak, I’m so sorry!”

Hak shrugs. “It’s fine,” He says. “We were only together for six months.” Unlike you two… coming on a year and a half now.

“Still,” Yona sighs. “I… I’m sure you’ll find someone better.”

He offers her a dry smile. “Yeah.” He spins her around, nudging her toward his bedroom. “Go take a shower. Your favourite sweatshirt is still waiting in the top drawer of my dresser, along with your shorts.”

Yona sniffles and nods, stepping into his bedroom and closing the door after herself.

He was, after all, incredibly pathetic. Of course he still kept that sweatshirt for her, all folded nicely and in a place she could easily find it. She hadn’t used the sweatshirt in six months, not since her boyfriend had returned from overseas and she decided it was no longer appropriate for her to sleep over at another man’s apartment. And perhaps she was right, but he felt the ache of her absence nonetheless.

They’d grown closer after her father’s sudden death a year back. It had been hard on her to lose her father; he had been the last of her family and taken so soon and so suddenly after she turned 18. Suwon was away at the time of the accident, studying abroad for his second year of college. Where else could she have turned to for comfort besides Hak? Her big mean childhood friend who’d lived next door to her was suddenly her best friend. The friend who held her hand at the funeral as casket lowered into the ground. The friend who she’d hug in her sleep when she had nightmares about the crash.

Most of the time he didn’t really care that she didn’t return his feelings. He was happy just being friends, happy to be in her life, happy he was a comfort and wanted company. That was all he really needed from her. But sometimes she’d lean her head on his shoulder and he’d marvel how perfectly she seemed to fit in his arms. Sometimes he’d block out the way she gushed about her wonderful boyfriend because it still sent a pang to his heart. Maybe that made him selfish, but try as he might, he couldn’t stop it.

And he knows it’s stupid and wrong. That he needs to move on and get over it. Hell, that was why he decided to say yes to Aro in the first place. And she was a great girlfriend, really. Pretty and sweet and charming. But they didn’t click, and for all she was attracted to him, even Aro could tell after a while that he never instigated anything remotely romantic with her. It was always her reaching for his hand, always her kissing him or tugging him into the bedroom. So she dumped him after six months and he couldn’t blame her.

Hak opens the cabinet under his television, pulling out his modest collection of blu rays and a dusty blu ray player that only saw use when Yona was visiting. He didn’t like physical proof of how pathetically he clung to his feelings, so he hid it all in his tv cabinet during the months since she’d spent any significant time at his place.

By the time he hears the water shut off in the shower, he’s finished re-hooking up the player to his tv and pops Spirited Away into the machine—her favourite movie. Yona peeks out of his bedroom door just as he stands back up, dressed in his oversized sweatshirt and those pink flannel shorts that she’d left for sleepovers at his place. Her red hair is moist at her shoulders and her makeup has been scrubbed off. She looks far less miserable than she had before her shower, though the tear tracks on her red cheeks were still very visible.

“Hey,” Hak says. “In the mood to watch something? I’ve got Spirited Away ready.”

“I… sure.” Yona says, stepping out of his room.

He notices that she’d taken the blanket off the end of his bed, lugging the thick covers behind her as she plops on to the futon and wraps herself in them. Just as she always used to do six months ago. Hak’s chest tightens at the sight, and he quickly moves past her to his tiny kitchen.

“I was about to make myself some hot chocolate… you in?” He tosses over his shoulder as he rifles around in his cabinets for the ingredients.

It was a lie, and she probably knows it. She loved hot chocolate much more than he did, and the likelihood of him making it only for himself was pretty low. Still, he expects her to jump at the offer, but instead he hears no answer.

Hak turns toward her, the tin of expensive premium cocoa powder she likes so much in hand, only to find that she is leaning over the back of the futon and staring at him. There’s something on her face, in her eyes, an emotion he can’t place. But he feels that it’s intense, it makes his stupid heart flop in his chest unevenly and he can’t hold her gaze for long or his face will grow noticeably warm.

He turns aways again, pulling a pot out and onto the burner. “If you don’t answer, I’m going to make it with water instead of milk.”

“Eww…” Yona’s voice says behind him. “Yes, Hak, I’d like some hot chocolate and you better not make it with water.”

There she is. He nearly sags in relief at how normal she sounded just then.

Hak prepares the hot chocolate just the way he knows she likes it; extra sugar, two squares of dark chocolate melted in, topped with whipped cream, mini marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles. He’d continued buying all the materials for it even after Yona stopped coming by. In hindsight, maybe there was a part of him hoping things would go back to the way they were, but they never did.

Once, in a bought of loneliness, he’d even made Aro the hot chocolate. She’d complained that it was too sweet and rich and told him to finish it for her. He’d been kind of disappointed she hadn’t liked their special drink, but even at the time he knew it was ridiculous to expect Aro to like the same things Yona did. Maybe he’d only really viewed Aro as a replacement for Yona.

He really did deserve to be dumped.

He huffs and brings the two mugs to the living room, placing them on his coffee table and settling at the other end of the sofa. Yona leans forward to get her mug, and takes a tentative sip. She sighs.

“You make the best hot chocolate, Hak.” She murmurs, folding her legs onto the futon. “I’ve asked Suwon to do it, even tried making it myself, but it never comes out the way you make it.”

“It’s just some cocoa powder, vanilla extract, sugar—”

Yona shakes her head. “I know, but there’s something about the way you do it.”

She’s looking at him like that again, like she wants him to read something in her words that she isn’t saying. He picks up his mug and takes a large, burning gulp that he feels all the way to his gut.

“... Let’s start the movie.” He says hastily, pressing the play button.

Yona watches him over the rim of her mug as the beginning credits roll, but soon allows her slightly puffy eyes to drift to the screen. Only then, does Hak actually relax.

“Hak,” She says, after a long pause of watching. “Can I stay the night? Even on the futon is fine. I don’t want to…” She trails off.

See the hairpin he’d bought her for her birthday. All the photos of the two of them she’d stuck to the wall above her bed.

“Sure,” Hak says. “In fact, take my bed. I was thinking I’d prefer to sleep on the futon tonight, anyways.”

That causes Yona to look at him again. “Because of…?” She exhales as if to calm herself, then swallows. “Did you like her that much? Were you in love?”

Hak is startled by the question. “Well, I…” He swallows the instinctive no that appears in his mouth. He didn’t want her to question why he’d dated Aro in the first place, if not for love. “I mean… She was my girlfriend.” He says lamely.

“I’m sorry,” Yona shakes her head, a determined look crossing her features. “I’m being rude right now, but if she didn’t see the wonderful man she had, then it’s her loss.”

“...It wasn’t her fault.” Hak sighs. “I wasn’t able to make her happy. She was a great girlfriend while it lasted.”

“Well, she was wrong to let you go.” Yona says firmly, and maybe it was his imagination, but he could swear he saw a small bit of redness fill her cheeks.

“Hime-san, I’m telling you it’s not her fault.”

Yona sips her mug. “...Okay.” She sighs.

They turn back to the screen. Hak wonders briefly if she would talk to him about her own break up, but she merely affixes the mug to her lips again and takes a big gulp. He waits, but she still doesn’t speak. Oh well, it’s not like it matters what the fight was about. Suwon would call her first thing in the morning and sort everything out. They would make up and things would go back to how they’ve been since Suwon came home. Yona wouldn’t come to his apartment anymore.

They watch the movie in silence. Yona finishes her mug and places it back on the table, eyes glued to the screen as she shifts on the futon to move closer to him. Hak tries to ignore the heat she brings with her, but finds he can’t when she leans over and rests her head against his arm.

“Hak,” Yona says softly.

“Hm?”

“You know why I started to love this movie shortly after Dad…?” She trails off, and Hak squeezes her hand lightly.

“It’s a great movie.” He says.

“Yeah, but that’s not the only reason.” Yona inhales deeply. “It’s because it reminds me of you.”

He laughs lightly. “That river spirit kid does have the same name as me.”

“It’s deeper than that!” Yona giggles, burying her face in his arm.

“Sure, sure.” Hak says.

“I’m serious!” She says. “It’s like… you know the way he takes care of Chihiro and helps her. He’s like this firm, strong guiding presence who always helps her without expecting anything in return. You’re like that too, you know. Always there, always guiding me, both when we were kids and now. You let me be rude about your breakup, but haven’t asked me anything about mine. You’ve always protected me in ways nobody else ever has, Hak, and that’s why I love this movie so much. It reminds me of you.”

Hak swallows, his laughter weak. “Careful, Yona. Talking like that is gonna make me think you’re into me.”

It was just a joke, something to cut the tension he was suddenly very much feeling during her speech. But after the words left his mouth only to be met with a deafening silence, he quickly regretted saying them at all.

“Sorry,” He says. “I’m just kidding, I know you—”

“What if I was?”

“Huh?” It is the only thing he could think to say.

Yona presses against his arm as if embarrassed. “If I said I was into you, would you think it was weird?”

Hak’s head spun. Why is she pitching this hypothetical? And-and that’s all this was; a hypothetical. Yona’s been in love with Suwon since they were kids. She’d fantasized about their wedding. She was the one to ask him out, for fuck’s sake!

“Why are you asking me this?” Hak blurts, gently prying Yona off of his arm and standing from the futon. He really needs the space. “Why does it matter? Who cares what I’d think. It’s not… reality.”

Yona’s face is beet red, nearly matching her fiery hair as she retreats back to her end of the futon. “Well, I–I just want an honest answer!” Her voice drops a few octaves and her violet eyes narrow on the rug at his feet. “I won’t bring it up again. I’m sorry.”

Hak takes a few moments to calm down. This breakup was messing with Yona’s head and she was saying a bunch of crazy shit. That’s all it is. He couldn’t hope more that Suwon would come clear everything up tomorrow.

He sighs deeply, and sits on the edge of the futon again. “...No, I don’t think it would be weird.” What the hell, might as well get it off his chest somewhat. Yona will be too elated to get back together with Suwon next morning to even care that he’d indirectly confessed to her. “I mean, I’ve gotten comments before that we seem like a couple sometimes. We’ve known each other a long time, we get along and we laugh at each other’s jokes. So no, I don’t think it would be weird at all.”

He spares a tentative glance at Yona, finding her curled up with her knees up to her chest. Her cheeks were rosy, her violet eyes large and pretty, her hair mussed so perfectly around her face. Plus, you’re adorable. He thinks, forcing his eyes away from her.

“Hak,” She murmurs his name against her knee.

He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t trust himself to talk right now, lest the adorable comment spill out of his lips.

“Hak,” Yona repeats, and he can hear the futon creak as she shifts to move closer to him. “Hak.”

He finally looks in her direction. She’d moved closer than he’d expected, sitting on her knees with her blushing face just inches from his. Those eyes, large and emotive, pierce right through him. Hesitantly, she reaches forward, her fingers cupping his cheek gently and he longs to lean into her hand like the thoroughly and hopelessly smitten fool he was.

“Can I do something weird?” She whispers.

“Yes.” The word is like a sigh from his mouth, tumbling out almost involuntarily.

She leans toward him, closing the small distance between them to playfully bump noses.

He can barely breathe with her so close, her scent overloading his senses in seconds. She smells like spring, like sunshine and flowers and rainwater. Her lips taste even better once they meet his. Dizzyingly warm and soft, yet electric, and most importantly, right. Kissing Yona is everything he’d imagined and somehow more mind-blowing because this was really happening. Her hands were really tangled in his hair, her lips really melded with his, her body heat really mingling with his own. He loved her. He’s never been able to forget it, no matter what he did to try. No matter who he dated or kissed or slept with. It was always her; his best friend.

His other best friend’s girlfriend.

Fuck.

He gently but firmly pulls away from her, and wants nothing more than to kiss her again when he hears a whine of protest escape her throat. But he doesn’t, instead he stands to put more distance between them. Yona is watching him on the futon with wide eyes and swollen lips, her chest heaving even through the bagginess of his sweatshirt.

“Yona, this can’t…” He says hoarsely, starting to pace in the space between the futon and the coffee table. “Suwon. He’s your boyfriend.”

“Was,” Yona says breathlessly. “He was my boyfriend. Now he isn’t.”

“You broke up literal hours ago.” He shakes his head.

He was the absolute worst to let this happen. Suwon’s girlfriend. He kissed his best friend’s girlfriend! It was bad enough that he’d been in love with her for longer than he could remember, even worse that Suwon was a great enough friend to never once be jealous of their close friendship despite that he’d known about Hak’s feelings. He was a terrible friend. Terrible to take advantage of Yona’s vulnerable state to let her kiss him. Terrible to break that trust Suwon held in him. Terrible all around.

“This is… this isn’t real. You don’t want this.” Hak stammers out.

“Yes I do,” Yona says, reaching out to catch the hem of his t-shirt.

“Yona, you’re hurt and tired.” Hak tells her, walking out of her reach. “Your first relationship is in a rough patch. You’re looking for comfort and you’re not thinking straight. I’m not going to let you do anything else you’ll regret. I…”

He trails off. He doesn’t want to say it, he doesn’t want to reduce that kiss into nothing. It meant so much to him. It felt so real and wonderful and right, like kissing her was something he was always meant to do.

“I can’t be your rebound.” He forces the words out and they taste bitter on his tongue.

Yona flinched. “Hak, you’re not—”

“I think we should go to bed.” He interrupts, too emotionally exhausted to deal with this anymore. “Sleep. We’ll have some breakfast and talk about it in the morning.”

“Hak—!”

“Yona, please.” He rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms. “Just… give it one night. Please.”

Yona looks as though she wants to argue, but she seems to think better of it and dips her head in acceptance. Without a word, she stands, grabs his blanket and drags it all back into his bedroom. It’s only after he hears the door click shut that he settles back on the futon and drops his head into his hands.

Hak awakens the next morning to the sound of a phone ringing. He sits up, feeling groggy and heavy from a restless night of tossing and turning. His first thought was that it was his phone, but his is sitting silently on the coffee table next to him. The ringing persists loudly, coming from the direction of the kitchen. From Yona’s handbag. Of course.

Hak lies back down, covering his face with his pillow. Soon it would be over. Soon they would talk it out and get back together. That was surely Suwon, calling to apologize and take back whatever had caused him to break up with her in the first place. He would have to admit to the kiss and offer to buy Suwon coffee for the next month to make it up to him.

The call passes, unanswered. But then the ringing starts again. Hak expects Yona to hear it, but the door to his bedroom remains closed with not a peep of movement on the other side. Figures. She sleeps like a rock.

Frustrated, he pulls himself out of bed and walks toward her bag. Maybe it was wrong or intrusive of him, but he wanted to be able to pass out for another few hours before he had to deal with that kiss again. He unbuttons the bag, rifling around tubes of lipstick and old shopping bills until he finds the shiny pink case of Yona’s smartphone. Sure enough, the person calling was Suwon. He tapped the green talk button.

“Hey,” No point beating around the bush and pretending it wasn’t him.

“Hak?” Suwon’s voice floods the receiver. He exhales in relief. “So she’s with you. That’s good. I was worried when she didn’t answer my texts, and even more worried when she didn’t answer the door.”

“She’s asleep.” Hak says. “I slept on the futon, don’t worry.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I wasn’t worried.” Suwon laughs gently.

He doesn’t question anything, or even wonder if anything unsavory had happened. Maybe it’s just that he knows how little Yona actually sees Hak as a viable love interest. Maybe it was less about trust, and more about knowledge. Maybe he’s always known Hak had only a sliver of a chance in hell compared to him. Maybe asking Hak before accepting Yona’s date had only been a courtesy.

Or maybe Hak was more jealous than he realized.

Hak shakes off the intrusive thoughts. This is his longtime best friend, practically his brother.

“When she wakes up, can you let her know I called? Tell her to call me back when she can.”

“Why don’t you drop by and pick her up? You could talk things out over breakfast.” Hak suggests, swallowing the lump that crawled up his throat.

“Oh no, I don’t have that much to say.” Suwon chuckles. “I just want to ask her if she’s free on friday so I can get all the stuff I left at her place.”

“What?” Hak blurts, shock flooding him. “You mean you aren’t calling to get back together?”

“What? No, of course not.” Suwon sounds genuinely puzzled.

Yona’s phone nearly slips from Hak’s fingers in his surprise. Not getting back together?

“But you have to!” The words tumble out of his mouth. “Yona will be crushed. You have to at least try to work it out. I… what happened? Maybe I can help you figure things out.”

“Hak, hang on a second… what do you think happened?”

“I think that you dumped her at the wedding.” Hak says, his voice growing unsure all of the sudden. “Which, by the way, was terrible. You should have at least waited until you brought her home.”

“She didn’t tell you…?” Suwon cursed. “Geeze Yona, learn to communicate.”

“Hey,” Hak snaps, perhaps a little harsher than he intended. “Maybe take your own advice, since you’re clearly avoiding talking to her in person.”

Suwon sighs. “Hak, Yona broke up with me.”

Hak blinks once. “You’re full of shit.”

“I am not!” Suwon protests. “It was a mutual and amicable breakup, but she was the one to bring it up.”

“No, there’s no way.” Hak says, leaning heavily on the counter. There’s no way in hell. “She’s been in love with you since we were nine! She didn’t break up with you.”

“She did, Hak.”

“Then why did she show up on my doorstep sobbing?” He demands, just as he spots movement in the corner of his eye.

He spins around, not even hearing Suwon’s reply. Yona is standing at the door of his bedroom, her hair messy from sleep and her hands gripping tightly at the bottom of his sweatshirt. She nervously tucks hair behind her ear, but doesn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry,” Hak blurts. “I should have just brought the phone to you.”

“...Oh.” Suwon says on the other end of the line, a smile in his voice. “I’ll let you go. Tell Yona I said hi.”

Suwon ends the call and Hak swallows, taking the phone from his ear. Yona approaches slowly, releasing her grip on the sweatshirt as Hak starts to babble out more apologies. Wordlessly, she pulls herself to sit up on the counter, then presses a finger to his lips.

“Don’t worry about it.” She says.

Hak nods, willing his face not to heat from their proximity.

Yona sighs. “I have a lot to explain. Properly, this time.”

Hak nods sharply against her finger. Yes. Please do, I feel like I’m losing my mind.

Yona removes her finger from his lips, and reaches down to catch his hand instead. “So I’ve been rethinking my relationship with Suwon for weeks now.” Her eyes are fixated on their hands. She parts his fingers with her own, and he marvels how tiny her hands look next to his.

“I wasn’t in love with him, and neither was he with me.” She admits. “At least, not anymore. But honestly, I have my doubts whether we were ever in love.”

Hak’s mind spun. Good lord, of all the things he expected to hear in his lifetime, this had never been one of them.

“You have to understand, Hak. We haven’t acted much like a couple in a long time.”

“That’s not true,” Hak can’t help but interject. “You kissed and held hands every time Suwon came to visit when he was abroad.”

“And we only did so in front of other people. When we were alone do you think we did that?” She laughs. “No! When we were alone, we acted like friends. I don’t think we’ve even ever made out.”

Hak’s gaze jumps to hers, not quite believing her. “Then why keep dating so long?”

Yona bites her lower lip. “I-I don’t know, but I have a theory.” She sighs. “When Suwon returned from France, it was like I’d gotten back something from before Dad…”

She pauses, and Hak squeezes her hand in comfort.

“It felt kind of comforting, I guess. I always had a crush on Suwon throughout childhood. It was like I was reclaiming a part of my old life again if I leaned into that, even though so much had changed in that year.” She looks at Hak meaningfully. “And so much had changed, including my feelings. And I… I don’t know, I was scared of that change. Scared that I was losing myself, that if Dad was still alive, he wouldn’t recognize me anymore.”

Yona drops his hand and bites her lip, her eyes squeezing shut as though what she was about to say was difficult to force out. “But at that wedding, when I heard Kouren talk about what love is… I just knew we didn’t have it.” She shakes her head. “So I ended it then and there. Suwon seemed relieved, honestly.”

“Why the tears then?” Hak asks, his mind still reeling.

She looks at him, her cheeks flushed with colour. “Part of the reason I realized I wasn’t in love with Suwon was because I realized I was in love with someone else.” She reaches forward and catches his cheek against her palm. “But he had been dating another woman for six months and seemed very happy that way.”

Hak’s breath snags in his throat, his eyes widened in shock. Bullshit. It couldn’t be true. All these years he’s watched her, not once did he get even the slightest inkling that she could want him back. Not once.

And yet, the way she looks at him right now was like something straight out of his dreams. Her thumb strokes his cheek with tender affection, her eyes soft.

“After the wedding, I had to come see you. I needed to know if it was true. I couldn’t get a ride, so I walked from the bus-stop to your place… in the pouring rain.” She laughs. “In hindsight, probably not the best impression to make on the night I wanted to confess to you. But the minute you started taking care of me, even though I’d all but cut you off these past months, I just knew it was true. I guess that weird spike of annoyance I felt every time I saw you with Aro makes a lot more sense now.”

She pauses, collecting herself.

“I’m dropping a lot on you right now, I know.” She admits, narrowing her eyes. “I understand that I was way too forward last night, and that you probably need time to move on from Aro. But, I...I want to be with you, Hak. When you’re ready.”

He inhales as he reaches to cover the small hand at his cheek with his own.

“Well then,” He breathes, exhaling softly onto her face.

Her eyelashes flutter dreamily and her face grows red as a cherry. It occurs to him, with a shocked elation, that he has an effect on her. He leans forward and kisses her. Just a small peck on the lips, a promise for more, and pulls back only slightly.

“Hak,” She whispers, her voice breathless and layered with want.

“I’m ready.” He says, just before claiming her lips again.

#hakyona #hakyona/#angst/#fluff/

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