How to be Humble?
It's a constant battle. One of the things I love to do is watch some videos which show the humility of our esteemed scholars. Really helps put a person in their place.
Shaykh ar-Raslaan
Shaykh bin Baaz Reprimands Praise
The other thing to do is avoid listening to praise of yourself. If you hear someone praise you, forbid or discourage it, because this person is harming you. How?
It is narrated on the authority of 'Abdullah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) observed: He who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of pride shall not enter Paradise.
—Sahih Muslim 91c
Pride and arrogance are diseases of the heart and the praise of the people is one of the things which fosters it, thus it should be avoided.
Praising others is also not from the manners of the Muslim, because we might praise a person and we don't know what is between him and Allah. That is to say, his sins may be of a degree that, if we knew of them, we would never extol his virtues. Or the good deeds for which we speak well of him may have had invalid intentions behind them, etc.
Lastly, I would say seeking knowledge and learning the Seerah of our Prophet (ﷺ) are invaluable in this regard. When we learn our religion, we understand how little we knew, so we are humbled. When we learn about RasoolAllah (ﷺ) and his Companions (radhiAllah anhuma), we understand the greatness of those who preceded us, thus we are humbled.
May Allah protect all of us from becoming arrogant. Ameen.
Complimenting Others to Lift Their Spirits
It is not recommended but it also depends what the praise is for. Scholars praise one another sometimes and this is beneficial for the laypeople to know who can be looked to for guidance, etc.
What is recommended if one must say something good is to preface it with a disclaimer. For example: "We don't vouch for anyone before Allah, but from what we've seen of Sister Y, she appears diligent in her studying of the religion, may Allah bless her."
And it's better not to make statements of praise to the face of the person, but rather in a group or gathering where the individual's name may have come up.
These are just general guidelines, and I don't say that it's a bad thing to praise someone, just that it should be done sparingly and with caution because it may be a source of harm for them (because of arrogance, price, etc. as I mentioned in the initial comment).
Praising Your Spouse
Sweet words between the spouses, especially those that will increase the love between them are highly encouraged.
However, from what I've learned, if one knows that their spouse is given to possibly being harmed by the praise, or it is so abundant and over the top as to cause pride, then it should be done with caution or left off. This is particularly true if the spouse is already aware of the sentiment.
Allahu 'alim, this is from what I know, may Allah forgive me if I've made any mistake. I will update this response if I come across any additional information or the sources that corroborated this info, inshallah.
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from the dark with you above me chapter 3
“Yeah,” she said. “I think it’ll be a great weekend.” ao3
“Tracey, just who I wanted to see” Jack said, approaching Tracey and Serena who were sitting in a booth by the window with salads and coffee. Abbie and Jack had similar plans for after they delivered their news, though they were both more sandwich people. Serena looked a little pink for half a second and coughed into her napkin. Abbie had the advantage of being prepared.
“Serena,” Jack acknowledged the other attorney’s presence.
“To what do we owe the pleasure?” Tracey asked, not bothering to conceal her annoyance at her meal being interrupted.
“Can’t I just be happy to see you?” Jack said with his characteristic smile.
“You could’ve expressed that joy this morning,” Tracey said returning his smile.
“My mistake,” Jack said. “No, I wanted to warn you,” he said, “Arthur is going to push for a plea on your Cortez case. Apparently there is pressure for a resolution from the mayor. Just thought you should be prepared.” Tracey nodded. Serena drummed her fingers against the table and sighed.
“Interesting,” Tracey said.
Abbie watched Serena as she lifted her latte and took a sip, as she licked the foam off of her lips. She was having trouble convincing herself last Friday had been a mistake. She enjoyed herself, but she couldn’t afford to get herself into a complicated situation like this one. She had a couple, very fun, lapses in judgment.
“It is,” Jack said.
“Well, I’ll talk to him,” Tracey said. “Thanks, Jack.”
“No problem,” he said. “Enjoy your lunch.”
Jack and Abbie ordered quickly, and when their sandwiches arrived, Jack asked a question Abbie was hoping to avoid.
“How was your weekend?”
Abbie tensed. “It was fine,” she said.
“Just fine?” Jack pried.
“Uneventful,” Abbie said, knowing he could pick up on her tone. He looked at her expectantly and she gave him more information. “I went out with some friends.” Jack seemed pleasantly surprised. “How was yours?” she asked.
“I didn’t do much. I read a novel.”
“Nice,” she said. “So about this motion.”
---
Jack and Charlie were letting Abbie and Alex do most of the work for this case, even inside the courtroom. Tuesday saw them in the office late, buried in paperwork, poking at cold butter chicken.
“I’m starting to lose some hope,” Alex said.
“I’m not,” Abbie said, only half believing herself.
“I don’t believe you.”
“I’m being genuine.” Abbie turned a page and took a bite. The silence between the two of them had hardly settled in when Alex spoke again.
“Do you really think we shouldn’t cut a deal?” She asked. Abbie did not want to take a deal of any kind. On the other hand, Nash was a killer who had slipped through the DA’s fingers once before, and without the murder weapon, their evidence was thin. They could place him near the crime scene-- along with a hundred other people. He had been more careful this time and there had not been any bloody clothes in his closet. Nobody saw him drag the victim into the bathroom, nobody heard her scream. He wore a condom. It was as though a ghost had committed the crime. He even seemed to select his target arbitrarily, without a concrete motive they could present to the jury. If that wasn’t enough, thanks to a hearing that had not gone their way, they weren’t even able to mention the case Jack hadn’t been able to get a conviction on. His lawyer had suggested a deal a few days before, and once the weapon was definitely out of the picture, Jack and Charlie were amenable to the idea. As much as they wanted to win this at trial, they wanted Nash in prison. Abbie was the final holdout. She sighed.
“I certainly don’t want to.”
“But do you really think we can get a conviction? I mean, we’ve had four detectives going through this case with a fine tooth comb for weeks.”
Abbie waited a minute, thinking over what she could say next, but Alex beat her to it.
“Serena thinks it’s remarkable that Pierce would even suggest man one.”
The mention of Serena took her off guard.
“Serena has an opinion on our case?” She said, cold and annoyed. Serena had no standing. Alex exhaled a laugh.
“Serena has an opinion on everything.”
“I just don’t see why you would feel the need to consult with anybody but those of us who are actually on the case.” Alex smiled at her.
“Serena and I talk about everything. I trust her judgment and she trusts mine.”
“Well, I don’t know her well enough to agree,” she said. “The only perspectives that should matter are those of the attorneys and detectives on the case.”
“Right,” Alex said. “And everyone but you is on the same page.” Abbie couldn’t argue with that. She knew she would eventually be outvoted if this went on much longer.
“Look,” Abbie said. “Would you ask the detectives to canvass the gala guests one more time? Maybe someone has spontaneously remembered something.” It was a long shot, but she thought it could be worth it.
“Why can’t you do it?” Alex asked.
“Start with Benson, she can break the news. I’m sure she’ll be receptive” Abbie said. She had picked up on whatever was going on between Alex and the detective, they were not subtle. Alex considered it.
“I imagine she would be as receptive if you did the asking.”
“Sure,” Abbie said. They looked at each other, waiting for the other person to blink.
“Fine,” Alex said. “I’ll call her in the morning.”
“Thank you,” Abbie said.
---
Abbie collided with someone in the front doorway at One Hogan Place. Hot coffee splashed onto her from the opening of the plastic lid. Papers went flying from the other person’s arms.
“Sorry, sorry,” they said.
“Hi, Serena,” Abbie said, amused. Serena was hastily gathering what she had dropped. She looked up. Her face was faintly pink.
“Hi,” Serena said, out of breath, as she stood up, messy stack of papers in tow. “I was just headed to the courthouse.”
“Naturally,” Abbie said. She looked down at her sweater to assess the extent of the spill, cursing herself for wearing white today. Serena did not reply. “Well, it’s nice to see you,” Abbie said.
“You too,” Serena said. “I should,”
“Me too,” Abbie said, stepping back to let Serena out of the door.
As she walked upstairs, Abbie couldn’t help but think about how endearing Serena could be.
---
“Come in,” Abbie said in response to the knock at her door.
“Good news and bad news,” Olivia said.
“Oh great,” Abbie said, putting aside her pen.
“Good news is that we have a witness. The bad news is he’s the victim’s ex boyfriend who has multiple domestic violence complaints.” Abbie brought her hand to her temple. Of course it couldn’t be simple.
“I imagine that’s why he wasn’t forthcoming earlier.”
“Yep,” Olivia said. “I mean, can we still use him?”
“How credible is his account?”
“Very. He was following her around the ballroom and therefore he saw Nash pull her into the bathroom and heard him say ‘shut the fuck up bitch’ before it went silent. Then he, quote, ‘had another canapé.’”
“Jesus,” Abbie said. “Then yes, we should still be able to use him.”
“Can you try and exclude any mention of the domestic incidents?”
“Unfortunately not,” Abbie said. “And I have to tell the defense about them.” Olivia’s face fell. “I know. Ultimately it’s Jack and Charlie’s call whether or not to put him on the stand.”
“You can’t let him get away with this again,” Olivia said.
“I know,” Abbie said. “We’re doing everything within our power. Have you told everyone else?”
“No,” Olivia said. “Since you ordered the re-canvass, I thought I’d tell you first.”
“Thanks, detective Benson,” Abbie said, appreciative.
“Olivia,” she said. “No problem.” She was charming. Abbie saw what Alex saw in her. “I’m going to go tell everyone else.”
“Jack stepped out for some food but he’ll be back soon. Alex and Charlie are in his office.”
“Thanks,” Olivia said. Abbie picked up a slight disappointment in her voice.
---
“Shouldn’t you go home? It’s a Friday night,” Jack said, poking his head into her office. “It’s late.”
“I know you, of all people, are suggesting I neglect important work in favor of sleep.”
“On the contrary, Abbie, I of all people know how important sleep is.” A noise behind him made Jack turn around. “Serena,” he said. “I was just telling Miss Carmichael here to follow your example.”
Serena walked up next to him. She had on a nice black fall jacket and carried a brown briefcase. She looked tired, her hair was slightly disheveled. She smiled at Abbie and Abbie smiled back wider. She liked Serena’s smile. She was very expressive, which Abbie found both confusing and endearing.
“Actually, Tracey just kicked me out. Sorry to disappoint, Jack,” she said.
“And I am following her lead,” Jack said. “Let’s call you two a cab.”
“You can’t make me leave,” Abbie said, stubborn.
“Can’t I?” Jack said. As much as she hated to admit it, Abbie was ready to leave. She acquiesced, gathering her things. They were able to catch a cab quickly after they determined they were going in the same direction.
“Goodnight, ladies,” Jack said, opening the door for them.
“Ladies,” Serena repeated.
“Right,” Abbie said.
An awkward silence fell over the car. Serena broke it.
“Alex told me, about the witness,” she said.
“Alex tells you everything, it seems.”
“We always have.” Abbie considered what everything included here.
Serena hadn’t left her mind this week. She was thinking about her significantly more than she would an ordinary hook-up. Serena was attractive, interesting, and great in bed. That thought was at the front of her mind, it hung in the air between them. Only a foot separated them, and it made her think about touching her. She knew it was a bad idea. She didn’t find herself caring.
Serena touched her first. She reached over and tucked a strand of hair out of her face and let her hand trace down to her shoulder.
“So,” she said. “Was it a good week?”
Abbie cleared her throat.
“I’ve had worse,” she said.
“I’m just glad it’s Friday. I hope my weekend is relaxing.”
“I have a feeling it will be,” Abbie replied, her voice low.
They reached Abbie’s place first. Serena gave her a pointed look that asked a question without words.
Abbie got out of the cab and opened Serena’s door. She took her hand and helped her out like a gentleman.
“Yeah,” she said. “I think it’ll be a great weekend.”
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