#katie is rambling 2k23

[tundrakatiebean]

So I was reading an article about the gay sex senate thing and saw something that gave me psychic damage in a way I wasn’t expecting. I was expecting some vague homophobic and puritanical commentary on the situation, but I wasn’t expecting to see this in an MSN article

They censored out the word “sexual” in a news article. So either a person did that and thought that was the most professional way to express this OR they used some AI trained off of the internet that learned censoring that word was the right way to do it. Either way is like Bad.

The actual article

#katie is rambling 2k23 #I’m tired and I hate the future

[tundrakatiebean]

I’m re-listening to ballad of songbirds and snakes at night just for some noise and because I’m still kind of obsessed with it. I know that almost everything in that book is about literary symmetry etc etc but it’s so fucking funny to think of Snow’s whole thought process during the THG series after reading BoSaS. Like imagine you once lived in district 12. It was kind of awful because you’re a pompous little shit who felt an emotion you couldn’t control there. You finally get out but it haunts you a little. When you have power you can ignore some of those things and outlaw the others.

A girl, a higher class girl but still a district 12 girl, wears the pin of the creature you hated the most from district 12. The bastard hybrids of capital innovation and the nature around district 12. She makes it far in her game, farther than anyone thought she would because of an alliance before she’s taken out by pure capital mutt horros. Something the game makers could have released on her, and only her, the second she was alone. Did the pin make you angry enough? The reminder of your district love affair make you lose it just a little? Enough to encourage a game maker to release the new creatures and rid you of the reminder? At least you’re rid of it.

Then it turns up again like a bad penny, or the memory you’re trying to forget, on a girl who half lives in the meadow your sweetheart went to when she wanted to write songs and think. She fishes in the lake where you tossed the guns that were the only evidence of your second kill. The guns that were scary enough, riddled with the evidence you shot them, they almost made you turn to the wilderness for good - digging through the ponds for tubers to survive. The same tubers she’s named after and the same ones your sweetheart held up for you as an example of nature’s bounty.

She ends up breaking the games with poison, a declaration of love, and a song the same tools you broke the game with. But you were too successful making the games watchable so there’s no erasing them like a bad memory, like your game was. She sings a song to a dying little girl wreathed in flowers for all the districts to see. A song you know because you heard your sweetheart sing it to a sleepy little girl wreathed in the flowers of the meadow. She sings a song that your sweetheart wrote. The one that made your blood boil because it was about him. The proof that you couldn’t own her past so you took her present. The reminder of the man swinging and the mockingjays repeating while you tried to shut out all the sounds. Is that where you came up with the idea for the mockingjays in the arena? Shrieking in loved one’s voices. Or was it hearing them repeat that song so loudly you could hear her ghost in the woods where you shot her?

She becomes your foil. Her burning passion to your cold calculations. Her singing voice echoing in the trees and then in the birds as she asks someone, she doesn’t know who, if they’ll meet her at the hanging tree. You know who though don’t you? You still remember even if you’ve tried to bury it. You remember a voice ringing through the hob like it was her home. And your spies tell you this new girl walks through the stalls of the same hob where people love and respect her - like they loved and respected Lucy. Is that echo enough to make the hob burn? Not enough to make a full show of it, but enough to make it a message. Is it a message for her or a message to yourself? To the past nobody but you remembers?

It’s almost enough to make you think Lucy Gray’s song got it wrong and her ghost did leave footprints in The Snow isn’t it?

#Katie is rambling 2k23 #ballad of songbirds and snakes #forgive me the long post I’m having a moment

[tundrakatiebean]

I worked the Instagram algorithm enough that it’s now ONLY serving me art ads and suggested content and not makeup, weight loss, shapewear etc and it is so much better for my brain omg. I feel inspired to create and not like I need to peel my own skin off.

My old rule was I’d scroll Instagram until I saw three ads that were body focused (weight loss, beauty industry, shapewear, exercise, calorie counters etc) and then close out. So it means I’m spending some more time scrolling now but it’s giving me ideas instead!

#Katie is rambling 2k23

[tundrakatiebean]

I got a new pill case for traveling and added a sticker from @incendavery ‘s Patreon on it. It’s now a snill snase (snail pill case) and I say “where’s my snill snase?” to myself whenever I’m looking for it and it’s great.

#Katie is rambling 2k23 #it’s like the perfect size sticker for it too #meant to be #and there’s a spot on the inside where I put some medical information #it’s a good little case for me but not actually like air right #*tight #so I probably wouldn’t recommend it for most people

[tundrakatiebean]

God I just noticed something that made me cry in Nimona. It’s below the cut because spoilers

When Nimona finally turns into the black beast there’s a (really cool and nicely done) textured wisp effect that comes off of her.

I’ve been following Nate Stevenson on here since 2011 or 2012 when I joined. A very common thing in his early self portraits or any depictions of self on this site was a hole in the middle of the torso with black wisps coming out of it. I don’t know if that was a conscious choice, an unconscious one, or whatever but it made me cry because I’m just so happy for Nate. The moment when those wisps fade away and Nimona gets a hug feels very tied to how lost Nate was and how seen and realized he feels now. It’s so much more powerful because we almost never saw this movie. It had to be saved too.

It’s just such a lovely thing to see someone so talented and wonderful end up happy and seen. I’m gonna be emotional about it for a long time.

Here's some of the self portraits I was thinking of specifically, there were others but I'm not finding them scanning the archive

This one is in this compilation post

#Katie is rambling 2k23 #Nimona #nimona movie #gingerhaze

[tundrakatiebean]

While rotating my blorbo for a possible fic in my head I came up with a heartbreaking headcanon and I’m inflicting it on the rest of you because let’s be real - I don’t have time to write anything properly I have too many other creative things that take precedence.

So Tigris’ comfort item is an old fur coat from her parents. Tigris is known to have been a stylist for the hunger games. Tigris is also known to have been extremely sympathetic and kind to the tributes.

I think her coat is long gone by the time Katniss sees her in her shop selling fur, with a hidden cellar full of pelts. It was clearly an old coat. It was a remainder from Tigris’ family and one she relied on frequently during her fraught life so it could have been worn to shreds. Or sold during some of the rough times while Coriolanus was gone and money was tight. But I don’t think that’s what happened. I think while she was a stylist, while she saw these poor, hungry and scared kids, she tried to give them any comfort she could. She was always kind and thoughtful.

I think the first year she was a proper stylist she begged Coryo for district 8. She wanted the kids who understood fabric and how it worked and how it could be styled. Even though Coryo saw a district that far away as a slight to A Snow. I think she saw these two kids and she asked what would comfort them - what little piece of anything she could give them to help them. The kids didn’t know how to answer. The idea of district tokens hadn’t come to be yet, but she’d make sure to tell Coryo to add that for the next games. She told them about her comfort item - the old fur coat. Something that was a rarity in the districts and especially the one that made clothes out of leftover fabric remnants from the factory. She let them feel it and think about what could comfort them. After the kids were taken back to their quarters and she was left to design and sew costumes that would make them memorable she put her coat on. To think. To feel the fur around her, between her finger, and she had an idea.

That was the first time she took scissors to her coat, her most favored possession. It wasn’t to take a lot. Just two little pieces that she sewed into each of the costumes. Right in the pocket. Where the kids could reach in, rub their fingers against the feeling of fur, and remember somebody cared and wanted them comforted even if she couldn’t save them. She did it for every one of the kids she designed for. Leaving a little piece of her soul for each of those doomed to suffer and die. Until there was nothing left and she did enough surgery on herself that Coriolanus finally let her stop designing and she could disappear into a shop full of comforts and ghosts.

#Katie is rambling 2k23 #ballad of songbirds and snakes #thg #Tigris #I am going insane thinking about this

[tundrakatiebean]

I’ve been watching random Drawfee episodes around getting ready for stuff or in transition times and it’s making me insane. These people are so talented. I can’t deal. Like every episode “I didn’t know what I was doing so I just played around” (makes some of the most incredible art decisions I’ve ever seen in my life) and every single time I’m just

#Katie is rambling 2k23 #they’re so talented I will vomit #drawfee

[tundrakatiebean]

I had another modeling session today which was good. I legitimately enjoy doing this. I’m basically getting paid to meditate in the weird positions I sit in anyway and I don’t have to wear uncomfortable clothes because I’m naked.

Truly another one of those “if it paid a proper living wage you could find someone who really wanted to do it” situations

The teacher I worked with today was really cool and sounds like he’s going to fight the system directly to get more hours for me. So that’s nice. I dunno it’s just nice to be around art all the time. It makes me really happy to just sit like a little gremlin and listen to twelve people scratch charcoal on paper.

#I’m going again for the same class next Monday #I’ll take photos of the drawings they put up in the hall this time #I’m the only model they have atm so the entire drawing hallway #is just me. naked. #it’s kind of weird but kind of nice #good for body neutrality I think #or maybe even body positivity #me being fat makes cool shapes and shadows #anyway just needed a ramble #ok bye I love you #katie is rambling 2k23

[tundrakatiebean]

It is with a heavy heart I tell you - that old rich bitch who keeps giving out my email instead of hers has done it again and is doing Christmas shopping way too close to the deadline 😔

#katie is rambling 2k23 #and it’s a company who uses like only ai help so that’s never getting fixed #usually I contact the company and am like hey this is the wrong email #she does this all the time #but their AI cannot comprehend my issue #which like fair this is really weird especially after like five years #but like also it’s not my job to fix the mistake she does at least three times a year

[tundrakatiebean]

Why did Duolingo ask me to commit today??? That button usually just says continue

#Katie is rambling 2k23 #Duolingo

[tundrakatiebean]

If anybody else wants to help me try to make it clear to the company running the Nintendo switch port that the accessibility feature needs to be fixed I’d appreciate it!

Here’s a link to my tweet (since tumblr doesn’t embed them properly anymore) and the link to the bug report form

#Katie is rambling 2k23 #accessibility features #game accessibility #cassette beasts #it’s actually been closer to two months since I reported this #legit don’t know what else to do at this point #because I’ve had a game I payed money for sitting unplayed for three months #because they don’t seem to think this is important

[tundrakatiebean]

YouTube, on the floor crying pulling up suggestions after the nine hour video I’ve been watching nonstop for a month: p-please. Watch anything else. See here’s another three hour deep dive by someone else - tha-that could be fun . . . right??

Me, cheerfully pressing the replay button for the millionth time: haha calm man talk about thing again :)

#katie is rambling 2k23 #is this healthy for my brain? probably not #but I like this guy’s voice and his arguments/analysis

[tundrakatiebean]

Legitimate question: is anyone having a good and/or normal year?

Almost everyone I know is going through the ringer in one way or another. If you’re having a good time please tell me!

#Katie is rambling 2k23 #was actually talking about this with my family earlier #before things got more weird

[tundrakatiebean]

I have read more self help books this year than in the rest of my life combined. I realize I had a bad concept of them because almost all the ones I saw growing up were romantic relationship books aimed at single women. Some of the ones I’ve read this year have been very helpful and/or validating.

#katie is rambling 2k23 #just started book 66 of the year #which is another self help book

[tundrakatiebean]

The neurodivergent urge to just ask someone you know is knowledgable in the thing you’re curious about instead of searching it but then searching it anyway because you don’t want to bother anyone

#katie is rambling 2k23 #my answers were what I expected #so I think another piece of my ‘wtf is the curse in this body’ has fallen into place

[tundrakatiebean]

Is it just me or did the username font on the app get like A Lot smaller?

#katie is rambling 2k23 #tumblr the dumpster fire