#just being pushed around in a shopping cart by my undiagnosed mental illness | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theboysfromaustin · 10 months

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February 17, 2020

It was around 3:30 when Anders and Dermot left with the baby. Ian stood at the window, watching them leave. Kazuo flopped into Gav's lap, reaching up to twirl his fingers in his goatee. "We have a grandson…" Gav's voice was quiet. "Yeah…" Kazuo smiled. Ian sighed, pressing his hand to the window. "What's up?" "Our baby boy is a father. He's really all grown up." "Yeah. He is." "Seeing our grandson…." "He is perfect…even if he does look like a spindly raisin."

"We're going shopping."

"What?" "Excuse me?"

Ian turned, eyes shining with tears, "We're gonna get so much baby gear for them. Our boy is a dad. We didn't have him as a baby, but…." He broke into a massive grin, "We are going to spoil this child." "How much can we realistically fit in the Aston Martin?" "Two cars. Kazuo, Gav, you follow." "He's serious." "Ian…" "Can't stop him now, Gav, just buckle up 'cause we're along for the ride." Ian grinned, heading for the kitchen, "C'mon boys, we're going to the baby store."

"Baby store's a good name for the sperm bank."

Ian snorted, "Why are you consistently the funniest person here?" "Probably undiagnosed mental illness." Gav gently cuffed him in the arm as they headed for the cars, Ian getting in and rolling down the window, "South on Mo-Pac. Follow me."

They followed Ian's car, Kazuo leaning his head out the wind, piercings rattling. "You sound like a wind chime." He stuck his tongue out at the redhead. "Hey, Kaz?" "Yeah?" "What was it like when you guys took in Anders?" Kazuo shut his eye, remembering that day almost 16 years ago, "Ian was nervous. Terribly nervous. He was afraid. I'd never seen him afraid before. I had to remind him that he had me to help him. That we could do it."

"I know it was a rough beginning…" "Yeah…I think Ian was a little afraid of making me the father of a teenager, but I didn't care. Anders was Ian's son. And I'd do anything for Ian, so wanting to love and raise the boy came naturally - though I'm sure Anders would bring up all the embarrassing things I did around him. I never had a dad who loved me enough to be a dork around me. I was making up for lost time….now I can be an embarrassing dork around young Ian."

They continued south to a shopping center on Brodie lane, Kazuo taking note of the Chick Fil-A, "Hey, we should go there, touch everything and infect it with our gay germs," then he perked up further, "Ah shit, there's a Michael's! Let's get some rainbow glitter, I'll grab a handful, run into the restaurant, throw it and yell, 'HOMO BLAST!'" Gav started laughing, choked on spit, and nearly hit a curb as Ian turned down an aisle.

Ian looked in his rearview mirror as Gav swerved, then pulled into a spot, Gav pulling in next to him. "Need driver's ed again, red?" "Your husband made me choke!" "You liked it last night!" This immediately got them a dirty look from a woman holding a baby, Ian offered a wave and an embarrassed grin, "Why is he always my husband when he's being snotty?" "You married him." "Yeah, you're stuck with me." Ian unceremoniously picked Kazuo up and dropped him in the basket of a cart, "Sit."

Kazuo leaned on the cart handle with a devilish grin as Ian began to push it, Gav falling in step beside him as they made their way into Buy Buy Baby, immediately assaulted by the aggressive air conditioning and the wails of unhappy children. Gav flinched immediately. "You okay, red? Need your ear plugs?" "No…I'm just not really used to kids screaming in stereo." "The boy seems to be a pretty chill baby." "Mum said I was a quiet baby." "My mom said I was wild. She used to put me in a sling and dance to Joy Division with me."

"You're still wild."

"You like it."

"God help me, I do." "He's a menace." "I like being a menace." "Alright, you two, what do we need?" "Clothes?" "Diapers?" "Good starts. They said they had a crib for us, so we'll need sheets. Also probably a high chair, for when he's older," he pushed the cart, noticing the stares they were getting. Kazuo hammed it up, waving like royalty as they approached the clothes. "He probably doesn't need anything more complex than onesies." "Yeah, I think Anders and Dermot might kill us if we buy him anything with tons of buttons." "How about zippers? We can make him into Bruno Bucciarati." "You are the worst type of nerd." "At least I own it," Kazuo smirked. "Be good and help us look at baby stuff."

Ian stepped up to the shelves, looking through the clothing, Gav on another rack. The redhead was holding up onesies, with Kazuo offering running commentary. Ian picked up a pale green-checked onesie with 'I love my grandpa' on it, and froze. Gav kept going through clothing for a couple minutes before anyone noticed.

Ian had gone silent. Gav looked up from the clothes, "Huh? Hey, Ian?" Kazuo climbed out of the cart and touched his upper arm, looking up at his husband. Ian was crying, tears streaming down his face, corners of his lips quivering. Concerned, Gav reached up to touch his cheek, and Ian flinched. "Baby, what's wrong?" "Hey, c'mere…" Gav led him to a bench, where Ian sat, staring at the floor. Kazuo got on his knees, leaning on Ian, chin on his head, "You told me a very long time ago how you always wanted to be a dad. You deserve this family."

"What scares me the most is that I may not see him grow up."

An icy pit immediately formed in Kazuo's stomach. Ian would be 81 in just a couple of months. "Don't say that. You're not allowed to talk like that…" He buried his face into Ian's hair, taking in his scent - shampoo, light cologne, black tea.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't fearmonger. It's…it's all finally come together. The complete family I always wanted. I know I just met the boy, but I need to protect him. He's perfect. If anything happened to him, I…I'd…" He shut his eyes, whimpering. "Okay, okay, come here big man," Kazuo sat down, pulling Ian's head to his chest. Gav clung to his other side, "We'll all watch over him. He's going to have a great childhood with us." "You…you're right. We're going to make the most of these years." "Yeah. C'mon…let's keep shopping."

—--

Ian flopped on the couch, looking at the things piled up in the living room. Gav and Kazuo flopped on either side with happy sighs. Kazuo opened his eye, "Uh, hey…have either of you ever changed a diaper?" "Nnnnno." "No, only baby I was ever around was your mum, and your grandparents took care of those things." "Maybe we should…practice?" Gav held up his hands. "On what?" The three men glanced over at Martha, who raised her head, then got up, went upstairs, and hid under the bed.

"Okay, not Martha." "Hmmm," Ian glanced at Kazuo who immediately flicked Ian's nose, "I'm open for a lot of things, but not that. Hey, Ian, you remember when we were cleaning the attic…" "Oh, no." "Oh, no, what?" Gav rested his hands on Ian's legs, leaning on them. "The doll." "That fucking doll." "Doll?" "So, after my mum died, I inherited things, lots of things, and like a fool, hauled them across the pond. One of those was an antique doll, which had been my mum's. And my grandmum's. I remember it from when I was a lad, I have always been terrified of this thing."

"When Ian first showed me old photos of my mom, we went through other boxes just to see what was up there. This thing was in a box, bound with rope…" "He opened it." "I had to see if you had some weird ritual thing made up for winning cases." "Oh please, I don't need an ounce of help winning cases, I do it on bravado and sexiness alone." "So, I opened it and screamed." "I look over, then knocked over a lamp, broke it and near pissed myself…"

"Turns out we've both had doll nightmares. I panicked and threw the box at Ian. He ran. Then I ran. We didn't go in the attic again until we paid Anders to re-box the doll and layer it inside other boxes." " We're not using the doll. I don't want to see it again. I can't." Gav thought for a moment, "One time in Detroit, I went up into a burned attic. In the dark, I stumbled on boxes and boxes of burnt dolls. I avoided that block after."

"Great, we're all a bunch of pussies about dolls." "I'll wear that label proudly." "Yeah, fuck dolls." "Well," Ian sighed, "I guess we'll just wing it. Anders and Dermot probably don't know what the hell they're doing, either." "Good, we're all dumbasses." "Wait, Gav, you have a psychotically evil sister - didn't she ever make you play house with baby dolls?"

Gav rolled his eyes, "I didn't play so much as I was forcibly dragged into it, and then she'd beat me with a doll and pelt me with plastic food." "Sounds fun." "I hated playing house, which is weird because now I thrive on domestic chores." "I can throw food at you." "I will talk to Dermot and Delta DASH you to my parents in Detroit."

"I want to go visit them so bad." "Fuck no." "I'm with Gav," Ian ruffled his hair, once more looking around the room at their haul, "I didn't think about this at first but I hope they have room for this stuff."

"They probably don't."

"Damn."

#oc #original character

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