#just a bunch of older men that i wouldnt look twice at | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hatchibomitar · 7 years

Note

trans ask: 1, 5, 6, 20, 32, 34

1. How did you choose your name?

so i read some advice that you should look on a bunch of baby name sites for inspiration aha..so i did! at first i was looking at all kinds of names, but i switched to just looking at K names after a while. 2 of my non-k top picks were Dustin and Finley which are both nice names but they dont fit me aha. i had been looking at Kato too and i think that was one of my top favs. so was Kalix. and this whole time i kept seeing like...cayden, kaden, caidden etc like 45 difffernt spellings of this name and i was like pff :/ that’s a lame name :/ who would want that name and then i saw Kaiden and i was like.........oh. so that’s where that name has been all my life. that’s perfect. that’s me

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

i think i always knew something was different about me from the other kids, but i could not figure out what it was. and by always i mean...always. from when i first started having memories of being a human until high school. i’d always felt the way. it was really stereotypical things too hahaha... when i was 5, i threw a fucking FIT when i went to a private school for 2 years bc there was a uniform and it involved a skirt. and i was like....there is no way in Hell you can get me to wear that. and i was a pretty good, i didn’t behave badly, so i imagine it was pretty sho0cking that i was So adamant about not wearing a skirt. i got to wear leggings :’) that same year i also remember wanting to cut my hair. i talked to my friend about it and i told her how badly i wanted short hair. she told me i should ask my m om. so i did! i was like “mom, can i cut my hair short like a boy?” and she said no. i was pretty devastated about that. again, in the same year, i had a cnoversation with my mom. i asked her why i wasn’t a boy. i told her that i wanted to be a boy. and she said “well, when you were in my stomach, you were a boy. until the very last second, when you changed yor mind. so that’s why you’re a girl.” i’ve brought this up with my mom recently and she did not remember it at all hahahah, whereas i held onto that for 12 years. it was probably supposed to make me feel better, but it just made me pissed off at my older self. we were so close to happiness, you fuckin fetus! jeez! asshole... hahahha. but like i knew all this when i was 5 yrs old. i sort of gave up on it for a long long long time after my mom shut me down so much. i really blame the lack of awareness and information about trans people at the time. there were just no public trans people so my mom didn’t even think twice. she thought i was just a tom boy - and treated me that until i told her i was trans

6. When did you realize you were transgender?

so flash forward to high school. i still had all the same thoughts. i kind of hated myself for being so obsessed with this. it was always at the back of my mind that i “wanted to be a boy” when i was young. i kept trying to push it away and say that it didn’t matter. i’d say i was especially confused when i started realizing i liked girls. once i accepted that, i sort of pushed the gender stuff away because i thought it was just a “”lesbian thing””. i literally have a diary entry talking about how it should’ve been “so obvious” that i was gay because of all the gender confusion when i was younger. this was very confusing for my brain hahaha. i basically just used that as an excuse because i did not want to go back to feeling different and creepy for being dissatisfied with my gender. but anyway, it was in high shcool! i had just met the first trans person that i ever knew and it kinda shocked me into realizing that people DID have those feelings too, and they actually could do something about it. during this era was when i was discovering tumblr and also when i was discovering trans guy youtube videos. i liked to say that i just watched them because they were Super Interesting, but in reality they made me feel something i’d never felt before. they let me know that what i’d always wanted was actually a possibility. and if none of these guys were as ashamed as i had been, was it possible i could do this and be happy? i believe i first came out as trans in 2014. i actually came out as nonbinary first lmao. and i wouldnt be surprised if a part of me actually is agender like i suspected, but anyway

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

you’re not scary, you’re not weird, you are a human being and the things you are feeling are not Bad. you aren’t bad. you don’t deserve to be bullied about this. don’t ever forget that. one day you will be at peace with this information and your body will be how you always wanted it to be

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

i hope that i continue stretching the boundaries of how i was always taught men are supposed to act. when i first started transitioning, i was so insecure in my masculinity that i would just conform to all the Bad stuff. lately i’ve been really try9ing to move away from that. like i’d be afraid to speak a certain way, sit a certain way, like certain things or have emotions. i never wanna be that way again. and in 5 years, as long as im doing that, i’ll be happy

34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

accepting yourself is one of the hardest things on this earth to do, but once you do that, you will feel like you can be yourself. you will flourish and you will be so happy. look around, the world is full of trans role models now. you will be just fine

#trans shit #transition #anon #askies

5 notes · View notes