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salmonthestoryteller · 7 years

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Irrational

A Love Mode Fanfic

Izumi knew he was being irrational. After all, sooner or later he was bound to run into an ex-client. He just hadn’t expected it to be under these circumstances. And that’s what made it so very difficult.

He’d pictured the possible locations of the event many times. A recital for his dance class, perhaps. An evening restaurant date with Arashi, possibly. A run-in at a gas station, or grocery store even. Chance encounters. One time events that would leave him shaken, but that he could walk away from and return to his new life unhindered. And that was exactly the problem. It was supposed to happen in a way that wouldn’t interfere with his life. At a time and place he could run away from, and never have to face them again.

It was not supposed to happen at his classes. It was not supposed to be the father of one of his students. He wasn’t supposed to have to see him more than once. And he absolutely was not supposed to be required to talk to him. It was irrational to think that way, but he couldn’t help it. Anymore than he could stop his hands from shaking when he saw him being pulled his way by his son.

“Come meet the teacher! He’s so nice!” Sato was saying, tugging on his father’s arm.

“I’m sure he’s very busy getting ready for the class.”

“He always makes time for people!”

Even though he didn’t want to, his mind recalled the man’s name. Chiji. Murisaki Chiji. He’d known Sato’s last name, of course, but he’d payed no attention. What were the chances?

“Sensei!” Sato greeted excitedly.

“This is my father. Father, this is Izuma-sensei.”

“Uh…how do you do?” Chiji bowed. He seemed nervous, and he was trying not to look directly at him.

“M-Murisaki-san…” Izumi got out, and bowed.

“Sato loves your dance classes. They’re all he talks about.”

“Father, that’s not true! I mean…I talk about other stuff…” Sato seemed embarrassed now.

“He’s a very attentive student…” Izumi stated. He felt so clumsy, and was glad Sato didn’t seem to notice the awkwardness of the conversation.

“He’s a good boy.” Chiji placed his hand on Sato’s head. Sato colored at his father’s praise, but grinned up at him.

“Yes…I have to get ready for class.” He decided it was safe to excuse himself.

“Yes, of course…” Chiji seemed relieved. “I have to go as well…”

Izumi nodded, hurrying off. He couldn’t help but hear the end of their conversation as they walked away, though.

“But can’t you stay to watch me dance?”

“Not today, I’m afraid.”

“Please?”

“I-I’m sorry, Sato. Another day.”

But Chiji did not stay any of the days he brought Sato to class, nor did he arrive early to watch the end of practice. He went out of his way to ensure he had little contact with the classes. And though he was privately relieved, Izumi also felt strangely guilty. Because he knew Sato always asked Chiji if he could stay. And he was certain his refusal had less to do with a lack of time as his own presence.

He hesitated to bring it up to Arashi. He wasn’t sure what to tell his lover. Or what his reaction would be. But Arashi could tell something was bothering him, and his insistence that everything was fine was causing a sore point between them.

It came out unexpectedly one evening when Chiji was late picking Sato up. Though he was never early, he was rarely late and as the other students were picked up, Izumi became concerned. Sato’s usually cheerful attitude became more and more sullen. He sat in the corner by the window, scowling at the raindrops beginning to fall.

“Sato, can I get you anything?” He approached the boy slowly.

“No.”

“Perhaps I should call your father’s office.” Though he inwardly winced at the idea, he knew it was his responsibility as the teacher.

“He’s not there.” Sato replied with absolute certainty.

“Perhaps he’s stuck in traffic…” Izumi suggested, not sure what else to say.

“That’s not it!” Sato snapped, then suddenly curled up and started to cry.

“Sato…” Izumi was cut off by the door being thrown open hastily.

“Sato!” Chiji ran in. “Sato, I’m so sorry. I was held up at work.”

Sato uncurled to glare at his father through his tears. “Liar!”

Chiji jerked as though he’d been slapped. “Sato…no, I really was-”

“You just don’t want to be here! You don’t want to see me dance! You just don’t care about me!”

“That’s not true! I know I’ve made some mistakes…”

“It’s just like when mother died! You were never around then either! I knew I shouldn’t have believed you when you said things were going to change!” Sato leaped to his feet, running past Chiji and shoving past Arashi - who’d just entered.

“Sato, no, wait! It’s not like that!” Chiji looked guiltily at Izumi. “It’s just…” He looked away, and hurried after his son, bowing briefly to Arashi. “Excuse me. Sato - wait!”

Arashi blinked, a bit surprised by the scene. “What happened?” He asked. Izumi was certain he didn’t help his confusion any by bursting into tears…

Arashi had said very little as he explained the situation to him as they drove home. His lover’s silence only made Izumi feel more guilty over the whole situation. He was beginning to feel like crying again as they entered their home, when Arashi suddenly reached out and pulled him close - kissing his forehead. “You’re supposed to tell me about things like this.” He berated him gently.

For some reason the younger man’s tender actions only made the urge to cry stronger. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel.”

Arashi sighed. “Did you really think I’d be upset?”

“You aren’t?”

“I’m upset this upsets you. But there’s always been the chance we’d meet someone who knew you.”

“But I didn’t expect it to happen like this!” Izumi sighed, walking over to sit down in one of the living room chairs. “It’s so hard!”

Arashi walked over to sit on the arm of the chair. “Do you remember anything about him?” He asked cautiously.

“He…didn’t talk much…” Izumi admitted. “He certainly never mentioned having a family…”

“Not exactly the subject most would bring up.” Arashi pointed out.

“He seemed distant…kind-of sad…” Izumi shrugged helplessly, unable to offer any more information. “I only saw him a few times. He wasn’t a regular or anything.”

Arashi nodded. “He seems to find the whole thing awkward as well…” Sliding off the arm of the chair, Arashi knelt by it - taking one of Izumi’s hands. “I know this probably isn’t a welcome suggestion, but I think you need to talk to him.”

Izumi’s eyes widened. “But! I…I can’t!”

Arashi hesitated, but looked up at him - his eyes serious. “Izumi…I don’t think either of you are going to move past this unless you do. And it seems to be causing a problem between his son and him. He can’t really explain this to him, can he?”

Izumi lowered his eyes to his lap. “No…you’re right. It’s between us. And we have to solve it.”

“I’ll go with you, if you like.” He offered.

“You think we should go see him?” Izumi was startled. “When?”

“Why not tonight?” Arashi suggested.

Izumi gaped. “Are you serious?”

“The longer you have to dwell on it, the worse it will get.” He pointed out.

Izumi bit his lip, holding onto Arashi’s hand tightly. “And you’ll come with me?” He had to make sure.

“Anywhere.” Arashi replied instantly. Despite the situation, Izumi couldn’t help but smile at his words.

It was a quaint house on a quiet street. The lights were on still, and Izumi thought he saw a small figure in the upstairs window as they drove up. Chiji answered the door. He looked tired, but froze when he saw them. For a moment Izumi thought he might close the door in their face. Arashi must have had the same thought, because he rested his hand against it. “May we come in, Murisaki-san?”

Chiji looked uncertain, but slowly stepped aside. “Please, come in.”

The house was nicely furnished, but definitely lived in. Some things were lying about, including several toys and games that must have belonged to Sato. But the boy himself was nowhere to be seen, Izumi couldn’t help but notice. “Is Sato sleeping?”

Chiji winced. “I doubt it. He hasn’t come down since we got home, though.” He led them to the living room. “Please, have a seat. Would you like anything to drink?”

Izumi only shook his head. Arashi noticed his sudden quietness and sighed. “No, we’re fine.”

Chiji nodded, running a hand through his hair. “I’m…sorry about this afternoon. I truly was detained at work. I got there as fast I could but Sato…” He sighed, lowering his head. “I really can’t blame him, though. I’ve let him down so often.

"Murisaki-san…I feel some responsibility for this…” Izumi spoke up hesitantly. “It has been my presence that has kept you away. Isn’t it?”

Chiji glanced at him and Arashi awkwardly, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck. “I admit, I was…taken back by seeing you there. And you seemed to find my presence there equally disturbing.”

“For Sato’s sake, we really need to find a way to put this behind us.” Izumi pointed out.

Chiji looked at him, and nodded. “It must have taken alot of courage to come here, Izumi-san.”

“I had some help.” Izumi took Arashi’s hand.

Chiji nodded. “I’d heard of your two’s relationship from some of the other parents. A friend suggested signing Sato up, and took him the first few weeks while I was sorting out my schedule. I was unaware of your identity.”

“You never mentioned a family.”

“Sato’s mother had passed on already. And I…I couldn’t bear to around Sato at first. He was so much like her…” Chiji sat down heavily. “I just wasn’t there for him. He must have felt like he’d lost us both.”

“That was when…we knew one another?” Izumi wasn’t sure how else to put it.

Chiji nodded. “I was lost myself. When I began to pull things together I quit the B&B. Changed jobs. I promised Sato things would be different. I was trying to start over, and seeing you was like having to face the past again.”

Izumi lowered his eyes to the floor. “Believe me when I tell you, I understand. I’ve chosen to start over as well.” He felt Arashi squeeze his hand, and squeezed back - glad for his support. Suddenly he felt very sorry for Chiji - having to start over alone.

“There is some follies of adulthood that cannot be explained to a child. I don’t know how to patch things up.” Chiji admitted, raising his eyes to look at them.

“I have a suggestion.” Arashi spoke up.

The dance recital had ended, and the students and parents were slowly leaving - some alone and others in small groups. Arashi watched as Sato pulled his father over to talk to Izumi. There was none of the awkwardness from the first meeting between them he’d witnessed several weeks ago. They’d managed to stop seeing each other as ghosts of the pasts and could now simply see one another as Sato’s father and teacher. The conversation was brief, then Chiji and Sato exited as well, discussing where to go out for dinner. Arashi smiled, making his way across the room to where Izumi was helping get the clean-up from the recital underway. He wrapped his arms around him, unable to stop a grin when Izumi blushed.

“Hey, someone might see us.”

“We aren’t exactly hiding our relationship.” Arashi pointed out.

“We’re supposed to be working! You said you’d help.” Izumi brought up a hand to whack his boyfriend over the head playfully.

Arashi only laughed. “It’s good to see you smiling. I was really upset when I could tell something was wrong, but you wouldn’t share it.”

Izumi lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. But it was all so awkward, and it wasn’t…I mean - it was my problem.”

“Which makes it mine too. I’m not just here to share the good times with you, you know.”

“I know…”

“So from now on, you’ll come to me, right?” Arash turned Izumi around to face him. “And we’ll face those problems together?”

Izumi reached up a hand to caress Arashi’s face. “As long as you promise the same.”

“It’s a deal.” Arashi leaned in to nuzzle his nose with his own.

Despite his earlier protests, Izumi leaned up to capture his mouth. Wrapping his arms around Arashi’s neck as he deepened the kiss, he let himself forget about the work he was supposed to be doing. Sometimes it was alright to be irrational.

Fini

Love Mode was one of the first fandoms I got majorly involved with. I have so many fics set in this world. Including ones sadly unfinished, not because I love the story any less, but because RL interrupted and I never went back to complete them. The members of the old LJ Lovemode Community were amazing, and are part of the reason I kept writing at a time when I nearly gave it all up for a second time. I miss all of you.

I thought of the concept of Izumi running into an ex-client first, and tried to puzzle out what scenario to have it happen in. When I thought of the idea of it being the father of one of his students, I thought that it could be an awkward situation for him as well. Chiji and Sato evolved from there. In the end, I felt that Izumi would most likely be more disturbed than Arashi. If it was a bad experience, Arashi would be protective, of course, but I decided not to take that angle. So he ended up being the one who had to be mature and reasonable while everyone else fell to pieces.

#love mode fanfic #fanfic #manga: love mode #love mode #yaoi #yanase izumi #iketani arashi #arashi x izumi

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