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guigz1-coldwar · 3 years

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'Not mine' : New chapter for Redemption of a Spirit in a Cold War is out !

'Not mine'

Chapter Summary :

Bell passed out after confronting Adler and memories is coming back....fake & real ones

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3300

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One week.....one week to finally come face-to-face with Russell Adler in person. One week where I was thinking at each moment about what I will do : make him suffer like he did to me three years ago, make him realize his own mistakes he has done towards me and the others. He lied to everyone about me : he said them that I died at Solovetsky and he kept it a secret. He did this because he & the CIA was someone that know too much about them and my supposed 'threat' on the Free World.

I had him tied up on the same stretch he put me on and I did this because of what he did to Park : he put his dirty hands on her throat, going to strangle her and I had to intervene. I told him everything that I knew about myself and.....and I was ready to do it.....to take my revenge from him for having left me for dead on that island, to have lied to me, I was ready to do it.....but I didn't do it !

I didn't do it because I realized that it was going to get me killed as well. Killing Adler is like, writing myself my death warrant immediately, getting pursued by the CIA and for sure, Park will have to be obliged to pursue me as well with the MI6. I had no choices but to let him live with his own actions. I walked out of the safehouse, trying to get some fresh air before falling on my knees as Park decided to join me and recomfort me.

That wasn't helping me at all even if I could understand her. I let a monster live and I'm sure as hell that I will have to work with him again against Perseus. He's the only person that can bring the fight to Perseus and if I was just alone, I wouldn't have any chances to stand right. I wanted to put my arms around Park but.....I wasn't able to move like if I was petrified, I just saw Adler standing right in front of me, it was just a simple vision as I could hear the real him in the safehouse and this vision were wearing the same clothes at Solovetsky and then.......

"Bell, we have a job to do !"

I closed my eyes knowing in a second, I would pass out because I couldn't resist to that and I think I wasn't willing to do a thing right now since I was feeling so empty to fight....to resist. And that's exactly what happened to me, I passed out and it was all black for me until I started to see some weird dreams and those were lasted a few seconds and everything was like mixed in my head, I could hear the voices of these dreams.

".....From the safety of Solovetsky....."

".....It was never personal....."

"....The United States and its allies....."

".....I never wanted this for her....."

"......Freya....you.....my few friends....is my family...."

".....Stay by your side at every moment...."

It was all mixed up but these voices, I could recognize each time : Perseus, Adler, Park and even myself and then, I stopped hearing those voices and seeing these dreams. I think it was better for me to calm down and try to focus on myself but I just passed out and I don't know what is happening to me at this moment.....I just need to rest.....

I was lying down on a bed and I was sleeping but I realized that.....oh no.....a damn fake memory.....it was something Adler gave me : Vietnam....I slowly opened my eyes and it was all dark around me but I was able to recognize the inside of a military tent and by the look of it, it was sure that it was at Vietnam.....why I'm thinking of this ? It's not my memory so why I'm doing this ?

The bed I was on wasn't really comfortable and somehow, I was having the impression that I wasn't alone in that tent, feeling observed as my body was slowly getting stressed out since this tent is able to fit for one person like an personal quarters. I moved to turn on the little lamp that was put on an big ammo box, serving as an nightstand and when I looked around once the light was on, I could see someone sitting on a chair, looking at me......Adler !

"Sleeping well.....Bell." He smirked at me when I had my eyes on him

"What the...." I started, almost jumped off my bed in scare, terrified by his presence "What the fuck ?" I finished in anger.

"Hey, easy, lady." He was sounding so calm in his voice.

"What are you doing in my tent ?" I first ask before I realized that I had another thing in hand "Who are you ?"

"Can you calm down just a bit ?" He told me before he get something out of his pocket....a cigarette. "You're getting so stressed in here that you're getting angry at complete stranger."

"Yeah, especially those who broke inside my own personal tent in the middle of the night." I replied as I grabbed the glasses that was on the nightstand, to have a better look on him "I'm gonna ask again : who are you ?" I asked again as he started to light his cigarette before looking at me.

"Russell Adler, MACV-SOG." He presented himself "You must be Jess Blackwell also called 'Bell' sent by the MI6 in the Vietnam's jungles." He added as I redressed myself on the bed.

"We could have make the presentations tomorrow and not while I'm sleeping." I exclaimed, rolling my eyes, keeping an angry look

"I prefer to make things in private." He responded, taking something at his feets "I learned a lot about you, miss Blackwell."

"Call me Bell." I said to him before sniffing but he wasn't looking surprised like if he already know that.

"I see that you are just an MI6 recruit and that you're only 18." He raised an eyebrow to me "Why the MI6 would send an 18 year old recruit in the Vietnam War ?"

"I don't know." I replied, clearly "I'm here to obey the orders given to me, that's it."

"And you were so willing to put yourself around people who aren't even your friends and perfect strangers, people that are trained well enough to kill and people who aren't going to be so pleased to work with an woman ?" He breathed at the end, awaiting for an answer. I nodded.

"Well, they will have to adapt." I responded

"I know you would say that." He removed the cigarette of his mouth to blow smoke "You know that you are getting assigned to my team until your superiors decide to pull you out."

"I know that." I readjusted my glasses. "You need to know that I put the Crown's interests at first before those of your president." I smirked at the end, little laughing too.

"Hmm..." He rolled his eyes and smiling "Something that I should have take notes." He then woke up from his seat, getting next to me "Anyway, you will be under my authority for an undetermined time." He then offered his hand.

"Guess that I have no choice." I shook hands with him, a fake smile on my face before I removed my hand "And now, I would have some sleep so if you can left..."

"I will." He said before he slowly walk away from me as I was awaiting that he completely left the tent before he looked back at me "Oh and don't forget......

......we have a job to do !"

No....not again, not that stupid phrase. At least after hearing this, that fake memory was finally over. Hearing this each time is going to break me apart because each time, I either freaking out and trying to control it or falling for it. In fact, I can't control myself when I hear this. I think it would take time for me to succeed to get that line out of my head and if I'm forced to hear it, finding a way to fight against it until it doesn't do anything to me anymore.

I don't know how I will do it but I will surely find a way to counter that.....fearing that Adler could maybe try to control me in the future but if anyone know now who I am and what I suffer, will they really let him doing it before they're able to shut him down ? For the moment, it was better for me to get some rest and.....aw, great....another memory coming inside my head....and for once, it was not a fake at all....

All around me, it was snowing and I was laying down on the snow. At my side, there were Zasha, also laying down on the chest, a sniper rifle in hands.....A scoped Mosin-Nagant M1891/30. We were positioned on a hill near a large forest. We were dressed in some military outfits, nicely fitting to the snow. The day was clear but very snowy and apparently, I was training them to learn to shoot with an sniper rifle on some targets down the hill, all posed against some trees.

They started to fire some bullets, giving 10 seconds between each shot to get focus on the targets. I let them fire a whole mag of the Nagant before they looked at me as I took my binoculars out to check the targets.

"2 bullets in the targets." I started, getting a view on the three first targets at the right side down the hill before looking at the left "3 has missed." I removed my binoculars to look back at Zasha.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Yirina." They excused themselves as they were beginning to reload the gun

"What are you sorry for ?" I asked

"It's been hours we're here and I'm feeling that I make you lost your time with me." They stopped by what they were doing to look at me. "Sniper rifles aren't my thing."

"It's okay to be sorry, Zed." I replied "It took me hours, even days to allow me to get along with those types of guns."

"I don't know how to feel about this." They put their hands on one of the numerous ammo mag that were near them

"Listen, I'm not losing my time at all." I affirmed, putting my hands on their shoulders "I'm trying to train you to survive."

"By using a sniper rifle ?" They asked, confused and I rolled my eyes in the skies, smiling

"Just get the next mag ready, okay ?" I gave them a little tap on the shoulder before letting them reload the rifle "Wait until I gave you the order." I positioned myself well to look at them "Take your time to shoot, get your lungs empty when you are getting prepared and don't stress." They prepared themselves well until I decided to start "You can go."

I keep a good eyes on them as they were getting focused on their training. Empty lungs, don't breathe too heavily to allow the enemy to spot you and everything that a good sniper need to know about. After a few seconds I told them to go, the first bullet was shot and after ten more seconds, another came....and another. It took 50 seconds for them to empty the gun and then, once they were done, they looked at me, awaiting and I looked with the binoculars to the targets.

"Well, that's good progress." I said with an clear voice. "4 bullets on....only one missed."

"Really ?" They asked, stunned as I gave them the binoculars to look by themself "Oh damn." They exclaimed after they gave it back to me. "I can't believe it."

"See ? Told you." I raised an eyebrow "Don't need to stress each time." I then looked down the hill "But, you will have next time to fire more quickly and precisely. 50 seconds is too long."

"I'm...." They started to said, wanting for sure to be sorry "Nevermind."

"It's okay to be sorry !" I affirmed to them, guessing their words before I start to look at the skies, feeling the snow falling on me as Zasha was getting his rifle back on the snowy ground.

"Yirina, can I ask you something ?" They started.

"Anything." I looked back at them

"Back at the base, I heard people calling you by a strange nickname and they said to me that you weren't really approving that." They were looking curious to ask me that and when I heard them, I was concerned "Why ?"

"Because it make me look like a cold-blooded and brutal soldier." I responded, looking away and crossing my arms "Something that I'm not, something I will never be."

"And when did this all start ?" They redressed themselves to have a better look, removing the hat they had as the snow stopped falling down.

"After an mission in Norway with Freya." I started, taking a deep breath "An NIS task force captured her when they discover that she was an double agent and I helped escape through the cold mountains before I went back to their homemade base to kill them all." I could feel a tear falling off my right eye "They hit her pretty badly."

"Shit, that must be hard for you at that time." They were sounding worried about me.

"They almost killed her and I was so blinded by rage that I took that decision to kill them all.....I shouldn't have ever done this." I sniffed "When I went back to the extraction point with Freya awaiting, everyone was starting to call me like that when I realized the brutality I used against the NIS."

"But people are still calling you like that, you know ?" They exclaimed, sounding a little angry "I thought that they would stop to call you like that after they knew your opinion."

"Perseus.....he is forcing me to keep that nickname." I looked at them with an sad look "He said that it's allowing me to distinguish from the others." I shooked my head in disapproval, biting my lips before standing up "Well, it's better we got back to the base, we're done here." I then helped Zasha gathered up their training equipment and get them up.

"Thanks, Yirina." They said after I got them up before they started to slowly walk away from the scene as I was getting into my thoughts whispering the nickname in question.....

"The Winter Soldier."

Once that memory was done, there were nothing else new getting inside my head for the moment, allowing me to have finally a rest even if that rest was because of me passing out in Park's arms outside the safehouse after I almost put a bullet in Adler's skull but at least, I was getting a good sleep......well, just a sleep, that's enough for now.

I opened my eyes slowly after a good time....getting waking up by the sound of a radio inside the room. I was back into the dorm, under some blankets.....the same bed as before. Park must have put me back in there after I passed out. My head.....well, it was hurting me a lot like if I had a damn headache and because of it, I was holding my head with my hands as it was feeling so heavy right now.

"You're okay ?" An voice surprised me, getting me a scare as I was inside my hands before I looked up to see Mason, standing next to me with his arms towards me. "Oh shit, I'm sorry, didn't want to scare you." He said, apologizing to me before he sit on the next bed on the right.

"You're looking great for an dead woman." Another voice said on the other bed at my left and I was surprised to see Woods, sitting on it, joking. "Sincerely, you're okay ?" He asked me, getting back to serious

"Well, my head is feeling so heavy....like if it's trying to kill me." I smiled nervously before getting my hands back to hold my head, my elbows posed on my knees

"Here, something for you." Mason moved to give me a glass of water, it was so looking white and somehow, I've got scared !

"Is that drugged ?" I asked, feared, trying to get the cup away from me "I don't want to be drugged !" I exclaimed. I guess that now I knew that the food given to me 3 years ago was rigged, I was fearing that again now.

"Hey, it's okay." Woods reassured, looking not sure to get next to me "Just water with some aspirin on it." He affirmed before I decided myself to get the cup of water with my trembling hands and the two men could see that. "Damn, Adler did really messed you up."

"So, Park told you everything, right ?" I asked, an hand holding my forehead, the other holding the glass

"Basically, she told us what happened to you and your real identity." Mason replied concerned "I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's okay, Mason." I smiled at him before taking a little sip from the glass "Bad things happened to me, I can tell that but now that I'm back, I hope I can make things better." I added, trying to get the water inside my body as it was hard with aspirin in it.

"I hope you will." Woods affirmed before looking at me with wide eyes "So....Yirina Grigoriev ?" I nodded with a small grin "It's looking cool."

"Thanks." I simply said before I started to think of something "What happened last night ? I mean after I....uhm....passed out ?"

"Let's say that Adler had to give us a lot of explanations after what he did." Mason responded to me, looking dead serious "He told us everything that happened to you and the fact that he knew you were still alive all along."

"And....and Park ?" I asked, worried as hell

"She took care of you after you passed out before she started to get into a big argument with Adler." Woods intervened "Their arguments did put a lot of noises around the safehouse." I was now fearing the worst with that.

"If he has put his hands on her again....." I started to get up from my bed

"Yirina, don't worry." Mason cut me straight, moving to put me back in the bed "Did I say it right ?" He whispered, I nodded quickly with a very small grin "We were there in case they were going to put their fists against each other."

"And hopefully that we were there with Sims, I can't remember the numerous times that we got to get ourselves between them." Woods smirked at me, joking again.

"And now ?" I questioned them

"The two are getting quiet in their respectives workplaces with Sims keeping an eye to them." Mason responded with an smile "You shouldn't worry about them, you know ?"

"I'm only worried for Park." I admitted without saying why exactly before I got back myself comfortable in the bed. "She's the only person I want to be worried about."

"And why her ?" Woods asked, curious

"Because she believe in me and she's helping me." I replied clearly before I breath "I...I think I need to be alone just for a while."

"It's okay, get some rest, you're a good person." Mason started before he got up from the bed with an smile before Woods started to follow him, giving me a good look.

"Be well, Yirina." He said with a fake russian accent, causing me to laugh a little from it before I found myself back alone in the dorm with a radio on, I looked around before I put my head back in my hands,

"Am I really a good person ?"

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