#its so fucked(hilarious) bcs the kid's father died before he was born right?

[skitskatdacat63]

This is obscure history stuff but, I need to talk abt it so you must deal.

So I was reading about the first Habsburg emperor, Frederick III, and oh my god, it seriously read like a comedy. He had the longest rule of any Holy Roman Emperor, right? So im like wahhhhh he must be a pretty good ruler. And granted, he was pretty pragamatic, and would try and make treaties instead of starting conflicts. But the hilarious thing is that he basically succeeded by just outliving all of his adversaries. His strategy was basically "alright, let's see what happens." And it always just worked out for him????

Every single time I started thinking "uh oh this isn't going to work out for him," whoever was in his way would just die??? And not even in a way that involved him, literally just happenstance. First, he becomes the head of the family after two fortuitous deaths. Oh he's having a conflict over land in Austria? Boom his main opponent happens to get assassinated for a completely different reason, and Frederick III is there to reap the inheritance rewards. Oh, the kid he's the guardian of, who happens to be the heir to the Austrian throne, dies of illness? Well, don't worry, Frederick III is there to be the new heir. While trying to sort out the Bohemian throne, one of the potential candidates just uh dies midway through. Okay. Oh, Frederick III's brother is challenging his rule? Well, he just dies suddenly, leaving Frederick III's rule unchallenged, yay! Uh oh, the guy challenging him for the throne of Austria is actually winning rn??? Don't you worry because he just ends up dying suddenly halfway through.

I'm not saying he never made any good decisions or wasn't clever, but so many of his successes just panned out bcs all the people opposing him just died randomly 😭 Truly the most 15th Century narrative ever

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#actually the best subplot is abt the kid who he was the guardian of #its so fucked(hilarious) bcs the kid's father died before he was born right? #so his name was Ladislaus. but they all called him Ladislaus Postumus 😭😭😭 WHY DID THEY DO HIM DIRTY LIKE THAT #i just found it funny how hes there 🧍‍♂️ and frederick iii is kinda just waiting in the wings like okay die please #but god funniest bio i rver read #just bcs as i said everh time i felt a bit tense for him the other dude just died and then frederick inherited all his stuff 😭 #bro out here metaphorically looting bodies #im much mlre focused on 1700s-now right? #but the middle ages are hilarious tbh they were rly just doing anything back then #catie.rambling.txt

[asterekmess]

honestly, my fury at the lack of werewolf culture/history/worldbuilding is worthy of its own post. Let me know if by some ungodly chance, you actually wanna hear my thoughts on it // Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

ohmygod yes, pls, enable me.

SO.

I think I mentioned b4 that Teen Wolf hates werewolves.

This is a show about werewolves like, yeah, sure, they do other plots and stuff. But the main character is a werewolf. The vast majority of the cast are werewolves (at least in the first half of the show). But think about it. What do we actually know about werewolves? They uhh, they shift on the full moon. But like, what about the full moon? Cus’ Scott gets handcuffed to a radiator and he doesn’t shift and break out until the moon comes out from behind the clouds and he screams like it’s excruciatingly painful for him. But then Derek and his Betas are underground during their full moon, and they shift like it’s all fine and dandy (they’re furious, but there’s no pain) and it doesn’t matter whether they can see the moon or not. They, uhh, they’re allergic to wolfsbane/it’s poisonous to them (btw it’s poisonous to literally everyone, just the scent of it is enough to cause seizures and hallucinations in humans. It’s a whole other frustration that they won’t make up their fucking minds abt it. It’s one thing to say that this is some parallel universe where wolfsbane doesn’t poison humans (bc lydia makes them hallucinate with the punch but injesting that much wolfsbane should kill you, and Stiles straight pulls a plant out of the ground; should’ve caused itching, burning, a cough, nausea, fever, headache and More hallucinations) and yet Jackson has to see a doctor and gets told he’s got Aconite Poisoning. So WHAT IS THE TRUTH?) but apparently not enough for Derek not to be able to plant a wolfsbane plant and massive cord of roots (which he would’ve had to tie together himself) in a revenge spiral around Laura’s body. But just being around it causes wolves to lose control. But also there’s supposed to be different strains that do different things? And also sometimes you burn the wolfsbane and it becomes the cure, or you have to burn it out of them or you just cut it out of them? Make UP Your MIND or at least ACKNOWLEDGE that different strains do different things. They get stronger on a full moon. But does that mean they get infinitely stronger with every full moon they experience? Does that mean they get weaker during new moons? They’re stronger in packs. Okay, but they never establish what the fuck a pack is. Is it an agreement? Is it a magical bond? Scott just sort of says people are in his pack. Does that mean they are? Do the humans he knows make him stronger? Just how strong is this bond? Derek makes a claim that “You have your own pack now” so is that a joke, was he mocking scott? Or is he saying that there’s no need for an Alpha and just being a beta with some friends counts as a pack? Apparently they have some kind of...animal magnetism or mind control? Derek uses a funny voice and a guy wakes up from a near coma to look at him with seemingly no control. Peter can force Scott to shift up. Derek forces Isaac to shift down. Derek has an insane amount of control over dogs and makes one lose its fucking mind from like a hundred feet away? Scott makes one calm down, but derek sends attack dogs running with their tails between their legs. Is it actual control or is it just a persuasion? Is it just intimidation? I haven’t even gotten to culture. You’re telling me that we get an entire episode of Allison discovering the entire story behind the Argent clan’s origins as werewolf hunters, why they started, how her name means Silver and apparently that’s where the entire myth of silver hurting werewolves comes from, but we don’t get to know anything about the first werewolves? Where they come from? If they’re a form of evolution or just straight magic or if it’s a curse or a gift from the gods? There’s an entire hidden werewolf population with packs all over the world, but somehow there’s literally no wolf culture? No moon worship? No specific terminology (Alpha, Beta, and Omega are terms used by a really fucking stupid biologist who studied frantic wolves in captivity and cast aspersions on the entire species. He’s been disproven a Thousand Times. NONE of that Alpha, Beta, Omega shit is right. Packs aren’t Hierarchies of Dominance. They’re families. They’re led by two wolves, yes, an “alpha pair” that’s literally JUST THE PARENTS. THE ‘BETAS’ ARE THEIR KIDS. This terminology makes sense if used by HUNTERS who consider werewolves to be mindless dumb animals. WHY THE FUCK would werewolves use it to DESCRIBE THEMSELVES?) besides the absolute minimum of ‘I caught a scent?’ Are you serious? Then there’s werewolf ages. Oh my god that was so fucking lazy. Saying that werewolves don’t age like humans, but that Cora is seventeen “by human standards” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I’ve seen theories that go so many different ways. The idea that Werewolves live really long lives because of the superhealing. The idea that they live really short lives because their healing just burns through their body really quickly. The idea that their lifespan is directly correlated to the amount of damage they take because they can only heal so much, so wolves who get hurt a lot age faster than wolves who don’t. There’s NO explanation! You’d think it might be an interesting point for Scott to find out that he’s gonna live to fucking 200 years old. (How old is Satomi again?) That sounds like something a Teenager would be daunted by. We see them make fun of Stiles a few times because he believes werewolf myths about silver, and then because he believes Peter when Peter tells him he lives in a series of underground caves. But like...why not? THESE ARE WEREWOLVES why did you just make them humans with extra facial hair? Where are the traditional mating rituals (or even the concept of a mate/life partner, can you imagine how interesting that would’ve been? If Scott found out Allison was his mate? Or if he suddenly had all these weird urges around her, like rubbing their foreheads together or cuddling her way too much or wanting to bring her food? That would’ve been fascinating and hilarious as subplots for their romance!) where are the full moon runs or pack get-togethers? Where are the aversions to perfumes or cologne? Where are literally any animal behaviors besides AGGRESSION? Where is the den-making? Can werewolves eat fast food or does the grease bug them? Talia was a famous Alpha bc she could full shift. Does anyone know why she could do that? “Evolution” is a bullshit answer, let’s be real. It’s shitty writing and it put Derek through so much more than he deserved. THEY ACCIDENTALLY ESTABLISHED that ALL HALES can full-shift! IT’s NOT EVOLUTION. It’s BIRTHRIGHT. Talia fullshifted. Peter full-shifted (though his was distorted into the monster thingy. That wasn’t anything like Deucalion’s shift. It was a FULL SHIFT) Laura could full shift bc she did it after she died. No other werewolves on the show turned into full wolves after death, even if they died with wolfsbane in their system? MALIA could full-shift into a coyote. LITERALLY EVERY HALE except Cora and that’s bc she got booted back to South America COuld FULL SHIFT (and it never happened after they lost all of their wolf powers, that coud’ve been an interesting plot if they didn’t FUCK IT UP.) But still there’s no explanation, or even just acknowledgement? You don’t have to spell it out for us, but at least SAY “Hey, so the Hale family is really powerful and all of us can full-shift. Not sure why, but it’s neat.) I’m still stuck on rituals. Routines. Werewolf mores. Social cues. Are there certain smells they’re supposed to ignore? Is it polite to pretend you don’t hear someone coming up to your house until they knock? Do they have rules about waiting until the Alpha eats before they start eating (much like how lots of traditional households wait for the father to dig in, or whoever is head of household)? Is it tradition to homeschool werewolves for the first few years until they learn control? Are there seriously no rules about biting humans? You don’t have to talk to their parents or have a specific conversation with them? And if werewolves are so dominance/hierarchy based, then you’re telling me there’s no “second-in-command” or respectful greetings that are supposed to be used for an Alpha? There’s absolutely no form of werewolf government or ancient laws or anything except a big spiral that is universally recognized as a sign you’re gonna kill people? What was the wolfsbane around Laura’s body for? Why make the spiral out of that instead of just drawing in the dirt or something? We make a lot of jokes about Derek being bad with his words, but so is Peter and so is Cora. And they’re the only born wolves we interact with (except Satomi who ALSO isn’t a chatterbox) What if that’s not just because they’re all traumatized and cranky? What if they’re just speaking on a different level? Scents and body language are integral to wolf interaction. Like how we say that Peter has that conversation with Derek’s eyebrows? What if Derek’s so fucking pissed all the time because he hates talking to Scott because SCott ISN”T LISTENING to his body language and scent and chemosignals? He tells Scott to use all his senses, and Scott does it fucking once to say that Peter felt “Angry” and never again. What if Derek is Talking PLENTY (with his body and movements and reactions) but Scott just isn’t paying attention? Isaac seems to understand Derek just fine. Erica and Boyd never complain that Derek is lying to them or ‘keeping something’ from them? What if the reason Scott always thinks Derek’s hiding something is because he isn’t reading the rest of Derek’s conversation and he assumes that the empty feeling is Derek lying. Even STILES seems to understand Derek. He’s human, but he goes totally wolfy. He already uses body language a lot and while he gets mad at Derek he never has to ask what the fuck derek is saying or what he’s holding back. I digress. I wanna know why no other packs came to help Derek and Laura after their family died. I wanna know why Emissaries and Druids are so incredibly important to the supernatural/werewolf world but Derek barely knew they existed (Especially when it’s established that he know tons of lore about other species.) and even though every single pack should have an emissary, they never handle who is the emissary for Derek’s pack or for Scott’s pack (Once again, is an emissary bound to their pack somehow or is it just an agreement?). I wanna know why Derek knew Satomi and trusted her but for some reason never felt like he could ask her for help? Centuries of hiding and living amongst humans with almost no wolf behavior to their name, but none of these packs interact? There’s Druid Vets and Hunter cops and Emissary counselors. But no werewolf doctors? No werewolf teachers? Absolutely no werewolf society? If Derek was worried about Paige not accepting that he was a werewolf unless she became one, what does that say about his experience with humans? He says “there were people in my family that were perfectly ordinary in that house” who died in the fire. But wouldn’t he talk to a human pack member about his worries, if he had one? Or even a bitten pack member? He admits he doesn’t know how to train a Bitten wolf. He’s never been called out by a human pack member for using phrases like ‘caught a scent’ or for reacting to things he shouldn’t. Does this mean Derek’s family was entirely werewolves? No humans in the know? No bitten wolves? He has a huge thing about keeping the secret and never letting anyone in on it unless they get dragged into it. Did Derek’s pack have some kind of prejudice against humans? Was Derek raised to believe humans were weak or cowardly or something, that he thought this beautiful girl would automatically hate him and expose him if she were to discover the supernatural without being forced into silence by self-preservation.

Lots of times, it’s easy to forget in this fandom that so much is missing, because we’ve been filling in the gaps for so long that some stuff is practically canon. It’s generally assumed that the Hales were homeschooled before high school. It’s generally assumed that there’s some kind of bond that marks people as pack. We instinctively add in mentions of Scent and the use of the shift (growling, claws, a hint of fang, flashing eyes) as part of the casual communication between characters. We add in scent-marking and territory boundaries and specific roles in the pack. We do all of that and never think twice because it’s already in all the fic. But we did that. The show gave us nothing. It spent an entire season talking about the nogitsune and the oni and how they’re summoned and what kitsune fox tails are for, but we never got to find out why wolves can do the pain-drain (or even if it dissipates the pain or just transfers it to the wolf doing the draining) or if Derek Hale EVEN HAS A DAD.

#personal #rant #Meta Ramblings #it's not even anti-scott #Anonymous #go for it

[lcvcausarchive]

➰ ( JESSICA PARKER KENNEDY, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ) *✧.:°░｡ —- is that ADRIANA MARIE LAVEAU ?! you know them, right? they are the 754 year old WARLOCK !! they’re known for being NURTURING & ALTRUISTIC - but i’d be careful if i were you because they’re also VENGEFUL & MERCILESS.

ok so its me ur gurl elle back with another. anyway less about me more about addy, here we go

history 

born 13th Jan 1263, yeah you heard that she’s an old lady but don’t you dare say that to her. respect your elders by telling them they don’t look a day over 400 ok

her father, asmodeus is a pretty big deal in hell. he came above ground in italy, basically fathered a literal village and was p much planning on building his own warlock army ?? anyway, baby flordiana (as she was then known) was raised fully aware of her abilities bc her pops trained her and her large collective of half siblings to be ruthless, badass monsters

their ‘family’ was kept pretty under wraps being that shadowhunters were growing in numbers, asmodeus wanted to keep his kids a secret until they were powerful enough to actually deal with the nephilim scourge

so flordiana spent the first 100 years ish of her life, in constant competition with her siblings to be the wORST warlock ever a.k.a. the best. they did a lot of brutalising. she has done some serious torturing fucked up shit ok ?? but all to win daddy’s approval am i right 

like she watched her mundane mom die pretty quick bc it was the 1200s i mean she was old if she made it to 30 so she needed ?? her dad ?? to love her ?? even though he was a crazy powerful prince of hell ?? 

but then they fuCKED UP. ok so the warlock squad went big, figured they had the stones to take on the italian institute and whatnot. the black plague that swept europe ?? probs them who can say. they did some hella damage

daddy was wrONG AND HIS ARMY WASN’T GOOD ENOUGh. most of her siblings straight up were killed by shadowhunters. flordiana couldnOT KEEP FIGHTING because she did not want to die. basically in being raised like this ?? she and her siblings had no sense of loyalty or family ?? so she felt zero guilt about abandoning them. just major shame abt disappointing her demon pops. 

she escaped and fled italy; bounced around all over europe for a few hundred years tbh. after spending some time in france, she changed her name to marie laveau. for a long time she gave up most magic and lived as a mundane to keep a low profile. trAGEDY STRUCK when she fell in love with a stupid mundane. but her sweet beautiful mundie grew old, senile and eventually died. basicALLY if you’ve heard afire love by ed sheeran its what i picture and it hurts my heart. 

after that girl was like fuCK THIS and left europe bc the source of all her suffering hoenstly ?? which is how she wound up in ‘murica. she traveled around before picking up new kinds of magic, re-honing her craft, finding major interest in voodoo. learned that her magic didn’t have to be a weapon, it could be an art, something to be worshipped over. she settled in new orleans in the 1800′s and yoU GUESSED IT becme the voodoo queen of new orleans ok 

sHE BECAME A BIG FACE FOR MAGIC, kinda exposing the shadow world a bit to the mndanes ?? which got her into trouble a few times but moSTLY it was let slide because it was contained && there was a big bulk of downworlders in nola at the time

arOUND THIS TIME she met and rescued a slave girl you all know as Katerina. took her under her wing and found that she’s hella maternal ?? like who knew ?? katerina is her FAMILY that she would not leave behind. seriously touch a hair on that girl’s head i dare you, remember she was a professional torturer once ok.

she roped in a youngish vampire named Auden to help her rescue Kat, being as his pal Adrian was also being held captive, and she has viewed him as a son ever since. seriously, he also fits into the category of look but don't touch or she'll fry you alive

eventually spelled the mundanes into believing she’d died so her legacy lived on but she’s hella alive obviously and switched marie to her mddle name, calling herself adriana

after the late 1800′s its p much a free for all, she traveled a lot ?? with kat ?? 

a couple decades ago in London she came across a young boy named Leo Wallace who's parents had been killed in a horrible 'accident'. she could sense the demon blood in him and took him under her wing, thus another child was added to her collection.

eventually she wound up agreeing to this pairing malarkey because she’s not stupid she knows something is up with the clave and she wants insider knowledge. plUS she has a tiny desire to atone for her past by working to kick some demon butt and unite the shadowworld ok

personality

like honestly pretty extra. she was an actual publicly named queen so she is quITE ENTITLED and basically will call you child or love a lot probably bc u are but a young infant in their prime

majorly mystique ?? like is she nice ?? is she a bitch ?? who can say. she doesn’t give much away

is a soft soft soft maternal moTHER OF ALL if she wants to be but in a wild mother wolf defending her cubs kinda way

definitely has a sadistic streak like u cant get rid of all that; she was raised like it for 100 years ok

but iS FUN. A FLIRT. A HUGE BISEXUAL FLIRT. PUTTING IT ABOUT EVERYWHERE. telling everyone they can’t handle her. 

wants. to. be . loved. but is still torn up abt mortality ok like she cannot watch someone she loves wither to something unrecognisable again

high key parTY GIRL like mardis gras ain’t got nothing on a laveau party

isn’t used to meeting people older than her and finds it unsettling sometimes ?? but like honestly find me someone to tell her she’s young and impotent bC THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS probably the one time she actually references her father

mAJOR DADDY ISSUES AS YOU CAN TELL 

#wilshire:intro #heres my new boo heck