#its 4am i really shouldnt post this without sleeping then proof reading it but oh welll

[buriedinbaltimore]

I’ve seen some more discussion on Kevin being morally gray lately, specifically in these posts from palmett-hoes here and i-did here

Kevin was not only a victim, but also a participant in the fucked up hierarchy and abusive culture of the Nest. He benefited from his position as Riko’s second and one of the “sons of exy”. He didn’t have the power to stop or change anything, but that doesn’t make him less accountable for his part in it.

I think this concept is something that the books illustrate beautifully with the post-Drake confrontation between Andrew and Neil.

Neil was just trying to help Nicky out by getting Andrew to agree to dinner. He had no way of knowing or even suspecting what would happen. But Andrew still points out that his actions led to the attack.

And Neil turns around and points out that Andrew didn’t stop Drake from preying on other kids. Andrew was in juvie, he tried to get Luther to stop Cass from taking in more kids, he did what all he thought he could at the time. And yet, he still has some responsibility.

When someone asked Nora about that exchange she points out;

Andrew understands the difference between assigning blame & blaming someone. He can tell Neil You had a hand in this without meaning You did this to me. He isn’t holding Neil personally accountable for what happened to him, but that doesn’t mean Neil didn’t play some part in the tragedy.

So back to Kevin, I think it is important to consider how his time in the nest and everything it entailed affected him and at the same time not dismiss or forget where he might have had a hand in things. Because I don’t think Kevin will ever be able to forget, and it’s as much a part of his character as all his other trauma.

We get tiny glimpses in canon of Kevin dealing with it. After Renee rescues Jean, Neil convinces Kevin to talk to him by reminding him;

"You already walked away from him once knowing what Riko would do to him in your absence. Don't do it again. If you don't protect him now, his death is on you."

Later in that scene Neil tells Kevin that he is more afraid of losing everything than the consequences that may come from holding on.

"I don't understand." "You do, or you wouldn't have trusted Andrew and Coach in the first place. Problem is you put yourself in their hands and refused to commit any further than that. You think Riko will hurt you for your defiance, so you're afraid to step too far out of line. But this middle ground won't save you forever.”

Kevin survived in the Nest by managing to stay in that middle ground, he protected people when he could*, but he never defied Riko. He was there for everything Riko did to Jean, he stood by Riko’s side through all of it. It wasn’t his choice, and he couldn’t have stopped it without risking his own safety, but he was there. Now that he is no longer in the Nest he needs to come to terms with his past or else he’ll never be able to move forward.

*so I inferred this from one line in canon that always intrigues me but I’ve never seen discussed. My thoughts on it kinda tie into the discussion of Kevin being morally gray, and since we’re already here…

After Kathy’s show, Riko is telling Kevin he should get rid of Neil and Kevin says he as potential (this is before Riko knows who Neil really is). Riko responds with;

"You said that goalkeeper had potential and then wrote him off as useless when I offered him to you. You'll get bored of this one just as quickly. Believe me."

Which I take to mean that after Andrew refused to join the Ravens, Riko offered to do something to force Andrew to sign, and Kevin called him off. There are so many ways that could be interpreted, but I tend to believe his reasons were because

A) Kevin really believed it wouldn’t be worth it to them. Andrew’s strength of character, stubbornness, and lack of care for his own well being would have made it nearly impossible to break him into playing the way they’d want him to. (Kevin would have figured that out from the research they did on him & their meeting)

and

B) Kevin was trying to protect Andrew from whatever Riko planned. He already had to witness all the cruelty and abuse that Riko put Jean and the other Ravens through, but Kevin had no control over that. Jean was property and the Ravens had all signed up for the team and could theoretically quit at any time. He was the one who wanted to recruit Andrew, Andrew didn’t want to join, so if Riko forced him on to the team it would be all because of Kevin, and any abuse Andrew would face would be Kevin’s fault.

Now it would be easy to focus on B, Kevin’s guilt and compassion, because A is a cold-hearted calculation about Andrew’s value. In a cost-benefit analysis of the effort it would take to get Andrew’s playing up to scratch and how much it would actually improve the team, it’s not worth it for the Ravens to put so much into one player. Kevin writes him off as a waste, unusable to him. Seems pretty cruel for a man who later promised to give Andrew’s something to build his life around.

But, if Kevin didn’t have that understanding of both Andrew’s strength and potential, he never would have trusted him to protect him. He wouldn’t have believed that Andrew could stand up to Riko, and possibly more importantly, he wouldn’t have had something to work towards after Riko broke his hand. Because while it may not have been worth it to whip Andrew into shape for the Ravens, the difference Andrew’s talent made to the Foxes was huge. Kevin latches on to Andrew’s potential as his own way back to exy. The other Foxes weren’t worth his time, but Andrew was. 

If all that is true, why even believe that Kevin cared about Andrew at all? He was just using him for his own gain, right? Well, first, when Kevin called Riko off he had no reason to believe that he would ever need Andrew’s help. He went to PSU for Wymack, not Andrew, and their deal and everything that came after pretty much came down to right-place right-time kismet.

At the time Riko made the offer, it probably was less about Andrew as a person and more about Kevin not wanting to feel responsible for putting anyone else in Riko’s sights. We saw with Kevin’s reactions to Neil how he could be caring and compassionate and even to a degree self-sacrificing. When he finds out the truth about who Neil is, he tells him to run away and save himself, even though that would cost the Foxes the season, in which case he would be extremely vulnerable to going back to Edgar Allen. When Neil comes back from winter break he offers to talk about his experience with him. And even in the scene this is all about, after Kathy’s show, Riko goes to grab Neil and Kevin stops him, getting elbowed in the face before Andrew shows up.

Without considering both A and B, you don’t get a full picture of Kevin’s character.

#i feel like im missing something #its 4am i really shouldnt post this without sleeping then proof reading it but oh welll #i have lots more thoughts about Kevin and Andrew and their friendship and deal #but some other time #jes.post #aftg #kevin day #do i want this in the tag? probably not... #jes go to bed