#it's actually unfair i just want them back

[odinsblog]

Elie Mystal covered the ridiculous, “Presidential Immunity” (aka, “Why Can’t Trump Be Treated Like A Dictator?”) case before SCOTUS

Dreeben: "BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T CRIMES!" (he didn't yell, I did, but he said "because there weren't crimes." )

Oh God, now Roberts wondering if they should send it back to the DC circuit because he's worried about presidents getting prosecuted in bad faith.

Roberts: "The court of appeals did not get into a focused consideration of what facts we're talking about or what documents we're talking about... they did not look at what courts usually look at when... taking away immunity."

Is this motherfucker serious? His argument is "Every president coups, why is mine getting charged?"

Thomas: Are you saying there's no immunity even for official acts?

And... that could be the ballgame

Roberts, Gorsuch, and Kavanaugh are more worried about a prosecutor going after a president for *political* reasons than A PRESIDENT TRYING TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT.

This is just about over.

And by "this" I mean the rule of law and by "over" I mean delayed indefinitely to help Trump.

Gorsuch suggesting that under the government's standard a president could be prosecuted for leading a "civil rights protest" in front of Congress and sought to "influence an official proceeding."

Yes, because Jan 6 and a fucking sit in are the same thing, Neil.

This is goddamn disgusting.

I'm going to keep listening because it is my literal job, but this is pretty much in the bag for Trump at this point. Remand to DC Circuit for decision on "official acts" and whether organizing a coup is one.

After November, if Trump loses, SCOTUS will return to the issue.

Alito: Are you really saying the president is subject to criminal laws like everybody else?

YES YOU DICK. THE PRESIDENT SHOULD BE SUBJECT TO THE LAWS LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!

Alito: "I'm not talking about the particular facts of this case."

WHY? WHY THE HELL ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS FUCKING CASE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?

The question I'd have for the SCOTUS now is: If you do this, why would a Republican president every peacefully transfer power again?

Democratic presidents will because Democrats follow rules that don't apply to the other side. But why would Republicans just leave *ever again*?

Alito: Couldn't FDR's decision to inter Japanese Americans during WWII be charged [as a crime]?

He says that LIKE THAT'S A BAD THING?

And Dreeben is trying to say that he couldn't.

This country, and specifically this court, is a fucking joke.

Now onto self-pardons. Alito is just playing all the Fox News hits now.

I'm going to smoke. Biden should send Seal Team 6 to Mar-a-Lago because according to Alito there's no downside.

Alito just suggested that the last election was "questionably decided"

I have left my body and am texting things I can't say aloud to my friends.

Kagan is like the first person to be asking about the actual criminal acts Trump is charged with.

I assume Alito is not listening because Kagan is a woman while Gorsuch is probably sitting there emailing the New York Times because they got something wrong on the Spelling Bee.

I see the internet is unimpressed with Dreeben but that's being a little unfair. The Republican justices want to do this, there's nothing that Dreeben could say to stop them.

What he *could* be doing was making their hypocrisy more clear for the non-legal media following along.

But... SCOTUS advocates have to preserve their ability to argue another day, and blowing up the justices in one case

A: Doesn't help them actually win the case.

B: Actively hurts them in the next one.

Kavanaugh: "Like Justice Gorsuch, I'm not concerned with the here and now of this case, I'm concerned about the future."

I don't know why this is acceptable. I do know that the justices are sure they are right about ignoring the facts of THIS ACTUAL CASE.

Kavanaugh... who WORKED FOR KEN STARR... is basically saying that Jack Smith is politically motivated and his appoint in unconstitutional.

It's... maddening. And most of the media reports will not even point out this hypocrisy.

The "independent counsel" law was rewritten into our current "special counsel" law BECAUSE of the shit Kavanaugh helped Starr do! Everybody was like "that crap can't happen again."

Somebody get @neal_katyal and @MonicaLewinsky on the phone to blow up this asshole.

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky Every time I try to no have a stroke listening to this bullshit, they say something even more risible and stupid.

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky Kavanaugh: "President Ford's pardon. Hugely unpopular when he did it... now probably looked on as one of his better decisions."

What? WHAT? WHO THE FUCK THINKS FORD'S PARDON OF NIXON WAS A GOOD IDEA? WHEN DID I DIE AND GO TO HELL????

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky This could be a men v. women 5-4 ruling.

Men: Let's kick this back to DC to further delay Trump's trial.

Soto, Kagan, Jackson: Why? That's fucking dumb.

Barrett: Ladies, I agree with you, but we shouldn't call the men fucking dumb. We should politely disagree.

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky We're past the two and half hour mark for an argument where the Republican justices made their decision when they were appointed, some of them decades ago.

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky KBJ is closing by trying to answer all of Gorsuch's questions, which would be effective if Gorsuch operated in good faith. But... he doesn't. So...

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky I had hoped that *one* of the liberal justices would have made the point from the Common Cause brief, highlighting that the whole point of what Republican justices are doing is to give Trump delay.

Not a persuasive argument for the justices, but good for the media to hear.

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky The case is submitted. Court doesn't come back till May 9th which will be a decision day.

But I think they won't decide *this* case until July 3rd for max delay. And that decision will be 5-4 to remand the case back to DC, for additional delay.

@neal_katyal @MonicaLewinsky I wish I had better news for you. Thanks anyway for following along with our national descent into madness.

#politics #republicans #donald trump #scotus #elie mystal #presidential immunity

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

i need a german style word for the emotion i personally get when someone who presents themselves as someone with discerning taste in contrast to Various So And Sos Over There stans something deeply unserious and doesn’t catch that it’s messing with their brand. this is a post about how i can’t stop thinking about how sean and amanda the ringer big picture podcast think that the social network is the best movie of the 2010s - not their personal favorite movie of the 2010s but the best one. better than all the other movies. no other did as good a job at movieing as the social network - and specifically how i cannot believe amanda is so mad about the emily blunt role in oppenheimer but apparently gives a pass to TSN casting brenda song as the most Bitches Be Crazy character of all time

#idk why i can’t stop thinking about this #i think actually the phrasing of this is kind of unfair to sean and amanda #cuz i don’t think they position themselves as like Film Snobs and sean in particular is like #team Really Wants Marvel To Get Good Again So He Can Go Back To Thinking Their Movies Are Fun And Cool #but i couldn’t find a way to split the hair finer #but it’s like…. sometimes one of them will be saying something about about a movie and in my head i’m just like #‘big talk from someone who would name the social network the best movie of the 2010s’ #i was gonna say it wasn’t even the best movie that came out in 2010 but i just looked up the oscar nominees and that year hasn’t aged well #do you think if we had given the oscar to TSN instead of the king’s speech it would be as highly regarded today #much to ponder

[kakusu-shipping]

Another big Mario Self-Insert sketch page I’ve just been doodling on for the past few days. I’m obsessed.

#Emile's Arts #Mariocest #YES it gets the tag leave me alone #I haven't even made like a proper POST for this S/I yet I've just been making things for him #I have three different decent references already posted but no actual about #I'll get to that in the next few days. Hopefully #The whole thing is eating my brain it's 4:30 in the AM and I am just #Running thoughts around my head #I put him in the first two Paper Mario games AND Sunshine already (not a big roll just there) #I'm also running with Partner's in Time because I LOVE that game also not a big roll just there but the concept is so cool I keep going bac #Because you know. Babies. #I have no idea what else to do honestly I don't have a lot of other thoughts about other Mario games #So it's unique scenarios time. Like babysitting Junior and such. #I want to isolate and color the Uncle Mario sketch so bad you have no idea #I love Mario and his many many children that he's not the DAD of per-say but he IS in their lives forever now #He takes them to McDonalds and Orders Pizza and Shows them cool secrets in Video Games #And also chucks them like 20 feet in the air he's the kinda guy to just throw a baby around #I love him so much #I also love Toadsworth I love you Toadsworth please come back sir #Nintendo really wants that old man dead it's unfair to me who loves him

[maddy-ferguson]

fun fact about me: i'm insecure about so many random things that i've never flipped anyone off in my 22 years of life because i think my middle finger looks awkward and ugly by itself

#and like i say: brf slt #i felt like this especially when i would have been likely to do it semi-regularly like in middle school. but like i was thinking about this #the other day and i did it in front of a mirror just to check and it looked as bad as i remember like it's just not for me #i have a story abour middle fingers though or just about what one would call the finger #when i was in what an american would call the 5th grade (i can never do when i was x years old because it's not an accurate representation #of the class i was in since i skipped a grade and the grade is what matters more to me. when i was 9 and my friends were 10 i was saying) #we would always play this game called girls catch guys or guys catch girls where the girls would run after the guys and like tap them on #the shoulder and then they would go to prison and they would line up and another guy could set them free by like touching one of the #prisoners it was a very fun game except it's way more fun to be like the ones getting caught than to be the ones catching and we would #ALWAYS play girls catching guys and it was very unfair we would be like okay in the morning we do guys catching girls in the afternoon #girls catching guys so it's fair like normal system but the guys NEVER wanted to do it (and we would always give in because like we still #wanted to play ig and idk guys. female socialization) they never wanted to be the ones doing the catching it was so unfair because we also #didn't like it as much and we did it all the time? #and i remember this one morning we were fighting about this we had literally all agreed that it was fair this way but they didn't want to #do it and my second best male friend flipped me and my best (female) friend off and (very #important detail) he did it with both of his hands so like two middle fingers and i don't know why because i'm not even sure that that's a #thing but one middle finger meant fuck you and two middle fingers meant go fuck yourself and to us that was very different? and i remember #my friend and i we like knew what it meant but for some reason we were like. he did do the one finger before doing the two does this mean #he...loves us because it literally means he wants to have sex with us #but what's funny is we never talked to him again after that and i don't even know why that was our last straw because i remember i #genuinely liked him before that like i said he was my second best male friend! so like maybe sixth best friend overall that's not bad #and he's not the only guy friend who flipped us off that year like it was so random to stop talking to him after that😭 #like he was an actual enemy we really did not like him we talked about him in letters we'd give each other using a nickname etc #and what's even funnier is in our last year of middle schoold FOUR YEARS AFTER THIS a friend of a friend told him he should become friends #with well my friend and he was like hm i don't think so have you seen who she hangs out with? marianne *last name* like why do YOU hate #me😭 it was so funny like wdym it was mutual this whole time. i had literally moved on by then i didn't even care about hating him #anymore like wow...i think he's the only person i hated who actually hated me back

[perenlop]

for a romhack thats supposedly about darkrai, eots is reallyyyyyyyy obsessed with chatot. it also reallyyyyyyyy hates chatot.

#we gave the game an unreliable protagonist and narrator who is meant to be kinda terrible bc this is an ‘’off’’ take on the game #meant to feel uncanny and its supposed to be uncomfortable and creepy when the guild members reject you for your behavior #but god chatot is apparently sooooooo nasty and evil and lazy and corrupt we gotta introduce a whole new guy #just to back up the hero that yep!!! hes evil incarnate and nasty!! #the hero is unreliable except for when we wanna vent abt the characters we dont like #its not even that i like chatot and want to defend him it just feels so exhausting and weird #like i thought this was about darkrai why are you spending all these scenes talking about how chatot is horrible and mean #im sorry im not over brelooms backstory. its supposed to be unfair and gross and ik he didnt exactly deserve to get evicted or anything #but seriously???? it comes across like a teen throwing a fit that his mom asked him to do the dishes for one night #and then got upset when the dishes werent done the next morning and asked their mom why she didnt just suck it up and do them #i feel like a factor here is that people forget that the apprentices arent kids. even hero and partner while implied to be young can be seen #as young adults but everyone else comes across like an adult to me. so its not like theyre exploiting babies #echoed voice #it sucks bc other than this i like this romhack quite a bit! i think the stuff with hero is really interesting #i like the second timeline i like the uncomfortable changes i like how you actually make partner worse as an inversion to the vanilla game #but when the chatot stuff happens it takes me out of it. free my man he did some bullshit but not all that

[feathery-fall]

So apparently (as discovered by my partner, who doesn't know i like tickling but is an asshole(/j) anyways), the sides of my neck are a lot more ticklish than any other part. and also the space just above my kneecaps

i already knew my sides were pretty bad, but they also helped reaffirm that 👍

#i havent told them yet but im getting there #i think theyd be absolutely delighted to know this information tbh #but its a little embarrassing actually saying it out loud #i can resist tickling under my arms on my knees and the back of my neck pretty well #but apparently shifting over just slightly is enough to murder me #which. cringe??/j #and theyre not very ticklish so i cant do anything in retaliation #not that i want to. i only tickle others because im an instigator and want it back lmao #but its still 100% unfair #ALSO apparently anticipation does in fact get me #which im unsure how to feel about actually #i derailed my own post a bit lmao but im too lazy to delete what ive said so oh well

[lloydfrontera]

i know it's the logical conclusion and realistically it makes sense to point out that people can only like you so much. but. i really want lloyd to be proven wrong. i really want him to realize there's no limit to how much someone can love you. i want his parents and javier and julien's approval rating to keep going up even when lloyd thinks there's nothing more he can do to earn their love for him. i want him to be able to learn that sometimes love can keep growing every day for no other reason than because the other person is choosing to love you over and over again. i just want him to feel loved just for being him and not for what he does is that too much to ask for?!?

#lloyd frontera #tged #the greatest estate developer #i know it's probably not what the novel is going for but!! i can dream!! #like yeah it's realistic that at one point he won't be able to make people's approval of him keep going up #because there's only so much he can do to make them like him #but like!! love doesn't work like that!! your actions do matter when it comes to whether someone loves you or not #but at one point it also comes to the other person deciding to keep loving you! to choose to keep building upon that foundation!! #and i want lloyd to experience that!! #i want him to realize that yes there is a point where he won't be able to do more to earn more approval from them. but that it doesn't #matter because they love him and everyday they spent with him is one where they love him more #im sorry im a sucker for characters finding out how loved they are by their family and friends do you still think im hot #one thing i do have to say is that tged has always been very clear that actions do matter when it comes to people liking or loving you #like it starts with lloyd taking over the body of someone who by his own actions had made it so everyone hated him #and so he had to earn back the trust and approval of everyone around him #but that's an extreme case! it wasn't even something he had done! but it definitely influenced how he approached everyone around him #because instead of having to just start from 0 and naturally build relationships like it's normally done #he had to work twice as hard to repair what og lloyd had broken #idk i just think it's fascinating and i would love if the novel acknowledged how unfair and actually a little fucked up it was to give him #a system where he had to earn points from his relationships with others and always be aware of how much they either liked or disliked him #(something that would fuck with the self esteem of anyone) #while also putting him in the body of someone who had already done so much to burn bridges with everyone and his damn best to be disliked #but i know it's probably too much to ask for 😅 #i talk a lot <3

[sourkitsch]

Two things that are true at once:

I am not nearly as mentally ill as I’ve convinced myself I am

I am far sicker than I’ve convinced my friends that I am

#:( #my friend and I were talking about post grad plans and we were talking about how our friend is gonna move in w them + their partner #and eventually we got onto how I’m not confident on my ability to pay rent on place by myself #and then they were like omg wait we were actually just looking at a place w 3 bedrooms and thinking about who else we would want to live w #and I literally brushed them off by saying ‘oh no I’m a nightmare to live with’ and they were like no omg it would be so great!!!!!! #it would not be great. and I am hoping whatever these plans are fall through so I don’t have to say anything about it #because I cannot have roommates. my friends have only encountered my ptsd twice and I managed it well enough that I’m pretty sure #no one noticed. but it’s because the vast majority of my triggers are domestic. when I sleep over my moms house I sleep in a bedroom #all the way down the hall away from everything because I cannot hear people’s footsteps by my door or I freak the fuck out #and just the idea of people drinking or doing drugs in a place I live makes me feel like I’m gonna throw up #I’ve tried living in a single dorm before and that was bad enough that I had to move off of campus my sophomore year #I just really really really don’t want to be serious and tell them I can’t #because I know it would be unfair to all of us #I hate that I view myself as a punishment for other people but I know it’s because it is. I would be that crazy roommate that’s brought up #for years afterwards. and it sucks because I like this people even if I know not to trust them #it’s also now a pattern that when I bring something up about me not being normal people think it’s a joke. which maybe it’s my fault #I really need to go back to therapy but do not have the bandwidth to go over the incest thing with a new person right now

[shopcat]

why did i just see a post actually mad that ten thousand dollars is being donated to charity bc it's not going to organisations that need immediate help and therefore is actually immoral and suibait worthy. do you have rocks in your skull. do people just not think very hard before they say things. regardless of how you feel about the fandom itself what an incredibly silly way to approach it ... 😭😭😭

obviously people, in general, should focus their aid on organisations that need immediate help but to insinuate that continuing to exist as a person with various interests and things to stand for alongside and doing anything else is a waste is not only, again, really silly, it's also kind of cruel...? and also this applies to everyone on earth and is not only applicable to one random fandom you already hate in the first place. be seriousssss. for real. demonising charity...

#🐾 #i wasn't even going to say anything because how ridiculous can you get 😭 #i seriously think people need to realise that talking about what matters actually means doing that and not just being juvenile and petty #you can so seriously hate ofmd for whatever reason you want you can want all it's fans DEAD but be so fucking serious right now you're #trying to act like donating to charity is a fucking criminal offense 😭 are you 16 years old #well some of them are close ... #also i have to I HAVE TO BELIEBE that people just didn't understand the phrasing bc this is seriously silly #fandom related charities even from an outsiders pov would = lgbt charities #or do people seriously think there's somehow a fandom related charity like. for fandoms. like a03 or something 😭 #i would believe disability or even indigenous/māori orgs could have focus #and i know people donate to a cancer fund bc of a fan who passed in their honour #like this is so... you're all getting way too wrapped up and need to dial it back a couple dozen notches #also not even like bringing up the whole 10k for palestine last november + 6k for care for gaza + another fundraise organised for the 19th #for palestine specifically which i imagine would get anything between the same amount #like it's all so... you can argue that it's inequal or unfair as much as you want until you literally pass out but 0 dollars is far worse #and at the end of the day at least there's focus and attention and aid being actually given 😭 does it matter #i have as much misgivings as the next guy but i'm also not an irrational person ... THIS IS SO DUMB. IT'S CHARITY #absolutely ppl who need it should have focus in ppls activism and efforts. you can do this amazing thing called ''both''

[orcelito]

Bought the memorial plush for Cassy. It's gonna be here on Thursday

It looks pretty similar to Sammy's in style, just with a different pose. I'll see how they look when placed together.

#speculation nation #animal death ment/ #fuck dude literally just looking at his Name made me cry again #typing out Cassy made me confront that yes. this is about my boy Cassy. my sweet baby boy who wanted to be a fat cat so bad #and swung his tail as he walked when he was happy. to which i would always comment 'that shit Swangin!' #and who would stuff his entire nose in tally's ass to sniff it. to which i would remark 'oh he's Snuffin!' #and who would always use the most garbled meows when begging for food. so he was my Garble Boy. #i already miss his obnoxious yelling. the way it sounded like a Mraaaaa. the way he would sometimes draw them out super long #i wish id taken videos of it. i dont think i have any. because i didnt think id Need to look back on them like this. #he wasnt even 2 years old yet... i didnt think id have to worry about this for at Least another 5 years... #sometimes life is really unfair. he deserved to live a long and happy life. i wish i couldve given it to him. #negative/ #sorry for posting so much about this. it was just super sudden and im kinda wrecked by it lol #this time yesterday i knew something was wrong but i Never thought he'd actually die. he was so young... #im just glad i got him to purr in the end. made him happy one last time at least.

[nomaishuttle]

anyways. sorry. got cranky

#noww i will find a movie i will enjoy watching #ALSO DISCLAIMER. there r absolutely issues in the books ok. like. idk how much ive talked abt my issues with the last 3 books i wont get #back into that again. but even that aside there r some things in the books that r like genuinely. questionable to me #my memory is fuzzy but. gslur a ton during i thinkk book 2. which is like. historically accurate but still aughh. and just like. yk #+ i may be misremembering this a bit but i get insanely wary of Any media franchise thats like Ohh ww2 was actually abt these 2 supernatura #forces not abt jewish ppl and nazis #which peculiar children does lessss bc its more like. the wights just take advantage of the war for their own benefit its not like actual #ww2 isnt happening. or like the nazis r just secretly targetting peculiar kids. but like yk its still augh a bit 2 me... idk #i rly rly love the series but there r definitely issues. i just wanted to disclaim since i worry my constant like Ok but this was better in #the books would make it seem like i was like Well the books r perfect in every single way theres nothing wrong with them. That is not true #so yeah. i think the first book which the movie is adapting is genuinely much better written and makes more sense #but its still not perfect yk there r probably things id change #and its slightly unfair bc the movie wasnt adapting these but. the 2nd trilogy genuinely like. sucks. id rewrite that entire thing LMAO

[pixesemma]

I dreamt of my former best friend today and woke up crying. She froze me out of her life 2 years ago and I still don't understand why. I can take emotional distance from anything else yet this creeps up on me once in a while to ruin my day.

#idk man I'm just feeling sad and lonely #like i didn't even do anything like wallowing while awake this time i just woke up with my brain being like #Yeah wasn't it nice when you still hung out with someone you basically wanted to platonically marry? Sucks that doesn't happen anymore huh. #Like Yeah does is actually? fuck you too? #i mean there's still our other friend who's been studying abroad for a few years. she should be back for good this summer #but her family moved across the country in the main time so she's not even near me #and it was always the three of us against the world. it feels like something broke there with her too. that's unfair to her ik #but i used to base part of my mental health on the solid base knowledge that my friends loved me and that pillar crumbled under my feet #like i think she loves me. but do i know? i thought so but apparently sometimes people you love *do* just get tired of you and leave #like huh who knew. seems my social distrust was right all along! #like there's no trust there anymore and i can't mister up the same strong feelings even if she *literally didn't do anything* #it's genuinely not her fault and I'd never tell her that either #it's just... every time i think about this for a moment i understand how people must feel when their partner of a decade cheats on them #it just fundamentally changes your ability to depend on other people and it isn't fair to anyone involved

[sternbilder]

@shamisense OH +++++1 HARD SAME

personally I don't mind daily or near-daily contact (since once I settle on a partner my intention long-term is to live with them and have to see them every day anyway), but even with someone I'm dating full-on text conversations every day or a constant asynchronous stream of texts with an expectation for quick reply would get exhausting for me very quickly and was one of the many reasons some of my previous relationships have been absolute nightmares for me

thankfully I think I finally may have met someone who is more my speed but I FEEL you that it's like #therearedozensofus and it's def not always easy to find

fwiw now that it's something I'm hyperaware of I've found that most dates are actually super receptive to talk about this if you just ask directly, like "how often would you prefer to text/call/meet up, and what does that look like for you in the early stages vs. a committed relationship?" it's been kind of very easy to weed out people who were obviously looking for much more frequent communication than I was tbh within like 1-2 dates

#shamisense #Reply #was literally just thinking about this actually bc coincidentally i also just had a tough conversation about this with my person #bc they mentioned kind of offland early on in the talking phase that they were Not a Good Texter™ #and even though i am like that too i had such a hard time believing them bc I've been brain poisoned by all my past relationships #so i was like No. surely if they're not initiating texts there is something wrong and they don't actually like me that much. #and also *i* must Perform Normal Texting Rituals to show that i like them back too and am putting in an effort even tho i don't want to #but after having like an actual earnest discussion with them it turns out that no they really ARE just like that and WERE serious about me #and i was making assumptions about them that were super unfair AND tiring myself out for no reason and god they were so much more #generous about it to me than i honestly deserved #so now actually texting them is much less stressful and more fun bc the pressure is off and I can just enjoy the conversation without #worrying so much about the pace! #and we also compromised by agreeing to meet in person more frequently/hang out more casually since we're getting to be a bit more serious #but yeah communication preferences are. such a huge part of compatibility that I can't IMAGINE #putting myself through another relationship where we didn't align on this

[xysidhe]

This is how bullshit my chronic illness is.

My normal, it's just me being able to function. It's not an absence of pain, or suffering. It's just pain that I can work around.

Days without pain, nausea, splitting migraines, severe insomnia, nonstop tremors and body weakness? Days where I feel like a normal human? Those are rare. So rare I only get that maybe once every 2-4 months. A measly 12-16 hours of utter bliss in the form of feeling like my own body isn't betraying me.

I had that, yesterday, or as close as I can come to it. But I made a mistake, I took a nap because I was tired since my sleep schedule is so messed up. And now I'm far worse than I was the day before, now I'm in the kind of pain I can't work around and I have a nonstop mantra of "don't throw up, don't cry, don't throw up, don't cry" in my head because if I do it's going to be pure agony I won't be able to think around and I don't want another episode to start a mere 5 days after the last one finally stopped.

#Xy rants #no one is going to see this and thats fine i just need to get this off my chest #i hate talking to my friends and husband about this because they all want to help and fix it and you cant fix it #i know it hurts them to realize this isnt something they can fix or help i have to suffer through this until it stops #its not a cold or a flu that can be cured with some OTC meds theres nothing that will make it go away #it never goes away it might pull back and lurk but its always there waiting to attack #i more or less accept that this is just my life now #that my life is just a bunch of pain i have to endure #i dont get mad or sad about it because that doesnt help it actively makes it worse #but sometimes i really wish i could cry about it and rage about how unfair it all is #but i dont because i cant because doing that will actually trigger more symptoms and an episode #this ruined my life in a way it lost me the best job i ever had becaue the stress from it more or less caused the illness #but in a way it helped too because now im making money doing something i only ever dared to dream of #a twisted silver lining #my life is pain but theres a lot of good in it too #and i try to remember that on the really bad days when i cant even get out of bed #chronic illness #my illness is so rare it doesnt even have a tag #cvs #cyclical vomitting syndrome #or thats my doctors best guess #is it cyclical if your down cycles last days or hours

[gibbearish]

Congrats on sending that application!

THANK UUUUUU

#it was to a dominos and my partner is a gm in training at a different branch and i have over a year delivery driving experience #already and know Exactly How Low Their Standards Are so im not worried about getting it‚ mostly just that my brain will still be too mushy #to handle a job again #but i mean since it is just dominos and im only aiming for part time it hopefully shouldn't be too bad #and i do not care if they don't like me bc my resumes already pretty good as is i don't need a glowing review from dominos #esp bc i could just put my bf down as a dominos reference and theyd probably just Assume i worked for him and call him #instead of the store i actually worked at KWNDLABFKSBFJD #which is v good bc having seen a lot of what goes on behind the scenes on the manager side via my bf. i already know i am #going to cause problems LMAO #i have the Transgender Working In Very Liberal Area Right Next To Very Conservative Area Protection Aura #wherein the bosses here are So Very Scared of getting in trouble for bigotry and want to look sososososo woke. that i can get away #with being way more blunt abt when shit sucks lol #bosses don't really know what to do when The One Openly Transgender One directly calls out unfair expectations to their face #and to be clear i do mean liberal as in Liberal we're still very much in the North Idaho Splash Zone so like #open bigotry doesnt happen and the public will be on your side if it does. but boy do they know actually nothing about it #you know the type i mean kwbfksbfkd #like the best example i can think of is a couple ppl at my last job still she/her'd me long after i started passing as male #and me Being A Transgender™ had made the news rounds #and my other coworkers wouldnt correct them and would just he/him and they/them me back #which im fine w bc thats how my pronouns work is just. idk whatever you think‚ if you wanna she me you can just look dumb LMAO #but crucially 99% of my coworkers Didnt know thats how that worked‚ they just knew im A Transgender and look like a man #and that everyone else didn't use she/her for me anymore‚ so like an actually left place would rightly assume #they were doing it deliberately to be shitty and correct them‚ whereas here theyre just like. ah im sure they just havent noticed #since you went by she/her when you started here #and its like no i dont think the beard i grew halfway through working there went unnoticed actually #given that Thats When The Universal He Himming Started #im rambling again sorry for this word avalanche irt a simple congrats i got distracted JEBFKABFKSBFKDBFMD #anyways. tyvm it was stressful and i still dont want to do it but its out of my hands now so i have to follow through and at least give it #a try and i appreciate the encouragement‚ it rlly did make me feel a lot better just seeing the ask

[multifandom-garbage-compactor]

Question for the void: how do you reinvent yourself when your efforts keep getting undone or get in the way of other things to the annoyance of others?

#I hope there’s not spyware on my phone or that someone has been going through it manually #y’all won’t even allow me to be stupid in private never mind that you let me know how irritating you find me whenever you can #it’s just the same same old same old and I’m beyond tired. it feels like there’s no growing or rising above this #like I’m just eating until I die. and even that I manage to do wrong. am I to blame for everything #(I realize that this is public but I havent been copying these so it’s too late to put these elsewhere) #I was a child once getting so many things wrong from the jump but how much can I blame on outside influence #and if it is my family’s fault then they’ve gotten away while I keep forgiving them and falling apart more each day #get a fucking pet instead and even then you’ll be disappointed that they’re not perfectly made to suit your mood and schedule #but god fucking damn it it has to be the dumbest heartless bitches that have kids and pat thrmselves on the back for a job well done #meanwhile all the pots are boiling over and when they finally turn around they’re only going to throw a tantrum about how unfair it is to #them. stop the press. dad missed his beauty sleep to get in the face of his quietly crying child and told them to be quiet and then sent the #problem upstairs to then rudely awake it for payback. nothing more. definitely not parenting. and you still walk around like a big man? #oh I would wish you worse than death but unlike you I still feel guilt and fear so you just get to keep wailing over the bare minimum and #never actually get your hands dirty or make up for lost ti #time. I just want it to be over. no more of this in the next life or just cut me out of existence entirely. don’t you dare do this to me #and I guess others again. I’m tired and have ruined my chances at life so don’t put me back in just so I can miss the point again and not #even have a way out. #gee was that too much