#it’s so disappointing because I love silly nerdy dudes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

parkeraul · 5 years

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anatomy | oneshot

a/n: i don’t know what it is but i had this stuck in my phone’s notes and i’m going to give it a try lol. i got inspired by a post here on tumblr and another one on twitter (both different, both NOT what you’re thinking they are) and this is like... nerdy!shawn? college!shawn? student!shawn? idk read it to find it out. plus, this is a work of fiction, so the situations named in here aren’t exactly what happens in real life, my dudes. i don’t know if this is how it happens, i’m assuming stuff just to give them an atmosphere. all built up for shawn and reader’s relationship to go somewhere on this imagine. sorry in advance to any medical students lmao.

shawn x reader warnings: cursing, smut (?). words: 7.272

It’s nearly 10pm in a saturday when he knocks on her door with his free hand, holding his book in his other hand kind of nervously. She tiptoes downstairs, quickly knotting the strap around her robe to cover her recent showered body. Her mind goes confused, wondering who might be standing outside at this time. Peeking through the magic eye, she can barely recognise the tall figure standing in front of her door with what she figured out as a backpack hanging on his back and something under his tattooed arm. She wasn’t expecting anyone from college because the finals were still happening and she finally managed to get home after passing hers, so everyone else should probably be stuck in their houses half studying, half praying. When she saw his hand coming up to curl in a fist next to the wooden material, she flicked the keys to the side and made sure to hold the upper part of her robe, pulling the edges together to cover her breasts and collarbone. Opening the door, she meets him wearing a desperate expression on his flushed face. He sighs in relief before putting his shit together. “Shawn? What are you doing here?” She asks smiling insecurely, he doesn’t follow her though. “Thank God you’re home!” He vents and exhales heavily. “I know this is super weird and random, but I honestly don’t know who else to look for. I’m really sorry. God... I shouldn’t-“ “Spit it out, Mendes!” She giggles, opening the door a little bit more to show him somehow that she’s welcoming him. “You know you can count on me to something more than just having my veins available for you to train your blood-removal skills.” She winks and he smiles shyly, remembering how insecure he felt when first asking her to volunteer and be his pair to this class in specific.

They’ve become pretty close, always getting paired for the classes because they knew that they were responsible and worked greatly together – always hitting high grades even in the most difficult subjects. Medical school is hard already, so they’ve found in each other an easier way to go through it all by supporting each other since their class is filled with so many selfish people. Shawn and Y/N were rarely hanging out when not in college – but more than friends, they are also something like partners in crime. Although he had a very serious crush on her at first sight, he kept on doing his best to get rid of the feeling eventually, even though he knows he’s not 100% there, he thinks that he’s seen everything he could and his rational side is working constantly to make him get used to live next to her like a normal person would do (seeing her as a nice classmate who’s there for him, not someone who he wants to trace every single inch and experience his daydreams with). She finds him attractive, she can’t even lie. But she would never make a move considering how reserved he is, fearing that he might reject her right at first and never look at her face again. Things couldn’t get this awkward.

Y/N opens some space for Shawn to step inside her living room and gives him a gentle smile, always reassuring him wordlessly that he can feel comfortable in her presence to ask whatever he wanted to ask – she felt more than glad to solve his doubts, actually.

“I’m sorry for showing up so late and...” He finally sees that she’s wearing nothing but a black cotton robe and her hair is wet, clinging to her back. “Well, s-sorry for interrupting your s-shower, I-“ Shawn facepalms and rubs his forehead, trying to brush his nervousness off and find the right words to say. He doesn’t want to look like a creep. “Mendes, you’re rambling,” She warns him and closes the door, grabbing his stuff for him to have free hands to take off his coat and shoes. Knowing it, Shawn rapidly does it all before putting both hands together to wait for further instructions. “Stop apologising! You know I don’t care about it.” Shawn knows that Y/N doesn’t really give a shit about things that some other people would do. She always says that a body is a body: it’s not an object and that a body and sex should be seen as something natural, not something who demands silly and unnecessary jokes when you look at it. And considering the partnership they’ve been developing, she felt more comfortable to talk to him about these things without stuttering or feeling embarassed. If they wanted to build a professional career, they had to deal with bodies normally.

Maybe this is one of the reasons why they’ve never sat down to spill the tea about their secret little crushes. Shawn is a gentleman, of course, and that’s what keeps him fighting his willing to love on her like he never did with anyone else. He is misunderstanding her words, perhaps. She always talked to him about how much she hates when their classmates started joking and sexualizing human bodies like they were made for nothing more than sex. But that didn’t mean that she’s not into finding out how their touches can melt delightfully, because that’s been currently taking over her imaginations more often than she’d like it to – debating with her own mind how wrong is this, how awful it is of her to imagine Shawn maping her body with those intentions that she wishes her whole class could stop feeding. Maybe she had forgotten to say that, if they’re both agreeing on doing this, if their feelings are matching, then it’d be a whole another story (that she’d love to live intensely, thank you very much). This is such a hot mess.

She trails her way to the kitchen and he follows her before he can miss the sight of her. She points to the big island in the middle of her kitchen for him to sit as she places his book and backpack on top of it. “What’s going on, Shawnie Boy?” She asks while opening her fridge to look for something to eat to offer him. “Thank you for being way too nice, Y/N,” He chuckles to himself, also thanking the universe for crossing their ways. “I couldn’t pass Sally’s latest test and she’s going to eat me alive if I fuck up with the upcoming final exam.” Y/N grabs a box of grape juice to put on top of the island along with some Doritos she found on her cabinet. She thought he might probably want to sink down in unhealthy garbage to calm his damn nerves. “Sally is really unpredictable, isn’t she?” Y/N jokes and also grabs what’s left of her chocolate cake inside the oven to join the other stuff. “What was it about?” “Anatomy,” Shawn says unpleasantly, grabbing the glass that Y/N is giving him so he can pour some juice to himself. “Women’s body kind of anatomy, more specifically. It makes me wanna give up on this damn class.” He opens the box and starts filling his glass with the deep purple liquid. “You actually can’t. This subject is... How do they say? Obligatory.” She says, staring at him and finishing setting the island with tiny plates and forks. “See? I know I should be studying music or whatever doesn’t envolve vulvas and labias.” His tone expresses all of his disappointment. Shawn hates to fail and also hates the whole process of learning from his mistakes. He never allowed himself to fuck it up even though he had no previous knowledge to execute something perfectly for the first time. “Keep thinking like that and you’ll end up seeing your own hand for the rest of your life.” Y/N is effortlessly pushing him over the edge of his stress, but he knew she was only playing around so he pretended not to care that much. He thought of replying her as boldly as she’s doing, but when she leaned forwards a little bit to cut a piece of cake, he accidentally saw her skin underneath the dark fabric – almost getting the view of the swell of her breasts. He swallowed harshly, immediately searching for his book to find the pages that have been driving him insane over the past weeks. ‘It’s fine. This is fine. Everything’s okay.’ He quietly warns his own body. Shawn shakes his head and takes a generous sip of his juice and tries hard to blink and miss the view of her not even noticing what just happened and still trying to cut a perfect square to place on a plate. “I... Mm... Have been reading from page 45 to page 97 over and over again for two weeks straight and-“ He starts with difficulty and, as if it wasn’t hard enough for him now, she’s licking and sucking at her fork she used to set under her piece of cake to lift it up and off the tin while looking him deep in the eyes, waiting for him to conclude his first doubt of the night. She didn’t mean to seduce him on purpose, but if she only knew the way she is messing with his head right now, she’d probably do something much worse.

Shawn feels like cursing all the words he knows out loud.

He’s been managing to keep his first impressions controlled for years. Why is this shit coming up again like he’s seeing her for the first time in his life? His brain, always hungry for coherent answers, figured things out in a matter of seconds. When he understood it all, he came back to earth and denied his own instincts angrily. Hopefully, he would never ever need to explain this reason to anyone else.

“And?” Y/N snaps him back to reality, removing the fork out of her mouth and clicking her tongue to finish the small taste she had from the tiny crumbles that were glued to the steel. “And... I...” He keeps on turning the pages frantically, not wanting to waste time. Who knows that she wouldn’t get him lost between running to the closest bathroom to splash some water on his face and staying frozen in his seat to never get up again until he stops hardening against his sweatpants during this quick lack of words? “I c-couldn’t quite understand and memorize these parts and their functions.” Shawn fixes a single curl back to its place and then he points to the figure on his book. “Really?” She frowns. How a smart and handsome guy like Shawn can’t understand simple explanations about a vagina? “Why have you circled this so many times? You can barely see what it is.” She points to a messy grey sketch. “It’s the clitoris,” Shawn rolls his eyes and clears his throat before moving on. “Need to remind myself that this shit is killing me mercilessly with this stupid amount of nerve endings.” “You wish, Shawn,” Slicing her cake, she jokes and wraps her lips around the fork once again. Shawn can literally feel the palms of his hands sweating and he swears to God he could explode at anytime. Why anatomy of the reproductive system? Why not microbiology or pharmacology? He knew he should be a pro by now. “You better take notes about this little thing in particular if you want to pass or make a girl squirm under you.”

Can she stop? Great. Now he’s picturing it.

“Plus, I can guarantee you that, once you get to find where it is and how it works, you’ll wish you could reciprocate the merciless part everyday.”

This is not study. This is torture. Bad grades and bad thoughts. The “perfect” combo. Shawn gets his notebook and pencils out of his bag and works fast to find a blank page to start writing.

The time flies by with her careful explanations. Y/N might joke a lot with him but she knows when to talk seriously. She’s patient to describe every single detail and say things once more in a different way for him to see it all in a different way. She speaks; he writes and asks again. All happening in a loop and Shawn’s pretty surprised that the chills that were taking over his lower region were gone now. He’s been doing his best by looking down at the paper all the time, refusing to peek at her. “No! Nah-nah-nah...” She says and stretches her arm to grab the eraser next to him. He falls out of his concentration and reacts by traveling his eyes from her fingers to the expansion of her covered arm and finishing at her now exposed collarbone. The scent of her moisturizer escapes her robe to invade his nostrils. He can’t help but inhale deeply as she brings the eraser to rub the words he’d been writing. “What’s that on your clavicle?” Still studying her skin, he asks impulsively. Shit. She looks at him and then down at her own body. “Oh... This?” She sets the fabric to the side a little bit more, now almost showing her entire shoulder. Shawn feels like choking on his own air. “It’s just a little scar. Got it when trying to run away from my cousin once. Nails strong enough to mark me,” She remembers and giggles lowly. “Unfortunately not as cute as this one you have on your face.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit.

She just noticed that she revealed loudly one of her favourite things about him. For the first time in the night, he smiles. He feels his chest burning – still shyly – and she can’t take her eyes off his beautiful teeth, perfectly shaped and getting her missing the patterns of her breathing.

From there, the tension between them seemed to grow more and more and the emotions blooming up from this atmosphere were screaming louder than words, intensifying not only their desires but also the other feelings coming to their surface. It was like throwing alcohol in a bonfire. And it’s certain that the flames were getting higher and higher. They tried to focus one more time on whatever they were doing now (neither of them cared to understand exactly what it was), Shawn a lot more lost than her, already writing things that weren’t even about anatomy, he thought.

“Nope!” She says again. Erase, wipe the dust, explain again.

The clock is ticking.

“Shawn, no.” By now, he was finishing his third glass of grape juice and she had completely given up on her cake. Fork hitting the plate aggressively as she bends over the cold marble to repeat her actions. Shawn rubs his face and runs his fingers through his dark curls. Erase, wipe the dust, explain again.

“Jesus fucking Christ, what the hell are you doing?” If she was patient before, she’s not losing her shit for fucks sake. “Vulva is this external part, not the inside. The internal part is the vagina, down here in this entrance, see?” She’s pointing with his pencil and circling the spots with caution, because otherwise she might rip the page apart. Shawn drops his arms against the island and tilts his head to meet the hard surface, hitting his forehead and his sighs turns into a deep growl.

Erase, wipe the dust.

“God! Have you ever seen a pussy in your life?” He freezes in place and doesn’t get up, hoping she’s going somewhere else with this question. “Seriously! C’mere, I’ve got this kind of a plastic mould and you’ll touch this shit until the information gets inside your head somehow.” She stands in her feet and she knows that she’s being kinda rude. He doesn’t care, he knows he’s not going anywhere if she keeps on being all nice and shit but at the same time he’s so nervous that he wishes he could stay in that kitchen for the rest of his life until his problem goes away. “I don’t really-” His voice comes out muffled by the white marble under his face. “Mendes, you’re coming whether you want it or not!” She grabs his arm and pulls him off his seat. “I told you I’d help you and you know I won’t stop until I get my work done. Come on!” He seizes the last seconds where his face is still hidden to smile. He loves how much she cares about him now and it seems to vanish away all of her impulsive attitudes before. She just wants him to succeed and once she gets a goal inside her mind, she ain’t stopping until she makes it happen. Shawn gives up and she’s practically dragging him upstairs to her bedroom, steps punishing the degrees under her feet.

“Get yourself comfortable, I’m gonna find this thing.” She says as if he even could. Shawn falls in her bed while she turns the lights on and goes to her shelf, eyeing all the spaces where that mould could be hiding into. She tiptoes across her bedroom and checks every part of it like her life depends on it.

Wardrobe? No. Drawers? No. Desk? No. Under the bed? No. Bookshelf? No.

If the bedroom was even larger, she’d be running a marathon across it and the way she’s walking with powerful footsteps and picked up rhythm makes the hem of her robe swing and get loosened, sometimes showing the back of her thighs a little bit more and gradually exposing her chest. And if Shawn felt like dying before, now he’s sure that he’s floating between heaven and hell so quickly that he can’t do anything else but widen his eyes in desperation, fight his own mind and press down on her mattress for dear life. “You can’t think like that. She’s your friend, she’s not a piece of meat. Control your damn hormones.” He whispers to himself and closes his eyes. He doesn’t want her to think that he’s just another one of those stupid classmates of theirs or some kind of a weirdo who acts like he had never seen a semi-naked body before. Although that yes, he had never. Y/N might be cool about talking of sex and stuff, but he managed to just nod and agree. He never told her he was a virgin and something about the way she messes with him so easily makes him feel like organising a whole speech – in the most polite way ever – about how much he wants her to teach him everything: where to touch, how to touch and what to do to have her feeling not only relaxed in his presence but also pleased. If he only had the braveness, he’d be on his knees right now divided between begging for mercy or for a chance.

She closes the last drawer where she guessed the plastic cast could be inside of and turns around with her hands covering her mouth. Shawn looks at her concerned expression and concludes that she’s thinking, considering how fast her eyes are running across the room.

“Y/N, you don’t have to. It’s okay, I can find some other way...” Shawn tries to calm her and she tugs some strands, pulling them back and then dropping her arms down. She can’t think of anything else than this and she knows she might be taking a risk in here. She steps backwards to close her door and it gets Shawn frowning, gasping and blinking rapidly. What the hell is she doing?

If he could’ve only guessed that some dreams can come true sometimes...

“Mendes, don’t freak out, okay?” She looks at him worriedly and his grin is filled with doubts. He thought she was joking about his study routine or whatever happened a few seconds ago. But when he sees that her face ain’t changing to something more playful, he gulps once more. “You’re gonna have to do this in anyways in the final exam and, since you can’t even name things correctly, there’s no other way to do this. Tell me if you don’t wanna do this and I’ll stop.” She finishes and grabs the knot of her robe. In one fluid motion, she undoes it and the black fabric is pooling down around her feet. Right now she’s not thinking about her crush on him, she’s not trying to get him moaning her name. No. She’s trying to get anatomy inside his head because she’s been there before and she knows that, if he touches the wrong places, Sally is definitely not going to give him any other chances. There’s no dirty in here, there’s no seduction. She’s offering to a test just like she offered her veins once; or like when he let her feel his temperature and see if his throat was sore. “What are you doing? Y/N, seriously...” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Cover up, you don’t need to do it for me.” “Is that what you want? I’ll do if you’re feeling awkward on doing this,” She reassures him and catches her robe from the floor. “But I want you to know that I’m okay with it. It’s totally up to you.” Shawn can feel his limbs turning into cold stones and his leg starts to shake uncontrollably. He feels like someone just threw a ball on fire to him and he knows he’s got the opportunity to put the fire down. He just doesn’t know how. “C-Can you... like...” He rubs his face, still not looking at her (who’s covering her front with the robe now) and tries to make a smart decision. “Get under your covers so I... can... t-touch you without looking at you?” “Is this going to make you feel more comfortable?” “Y-Yes.” “I’ll try to guide you then.”

An inconvenient silence takes over the place and it had never been so annoying. He gets up, turning his back to her and she goes under her blanket, trying to feel less unsuited. “Hold on. I’ll wash my hands before... you know...” “Second door to the right.”

A few minutes later, Shawn is back and not so afraid. She looks at him and sees that his hairline is wet, he might probably had splashed some water on his face before returning. “Are you okay?” She asks, feeling her chest heaving in concern. “I’m good,” He closes the door with his foot and keeps his hands in the air, away from any object. “Sure you wanna keep going? You don’t have to-” “I’m sure,” She nods and he sits at the end of the bed. “With that I’m even feeling like a real patient now.” She points at his hands with her chin and chuckles bending her knees. He follows her and giggles too. He can’t even believe how amazing she is, he feels like nothing in this world can gift her enough for being this good to him. “You can, like, start from my pubic bone and then you can say what you remember, you know?” She incentivates him. “When you get to touch those parts we were seeing down in there, you’ll tell me what it is and what is it for.” He nods and she shifts her body up closer to the headboard, making some space for him to come forward and slip one hand under the blanket. “Don’t you want me to wear gloves?” “I’m out of gloves in here but I don’t really mind.” She says and he’s just going with her flow. “Showed you my exams before the tests, so you also know that I don’t have anything you should worry about.” She’s giving him so many reasons to leave his nervousness behind that he’s feeling like he’d forgotten for a moment that, on top of it all, they’re still friends. They’re not strangers. They should count on each other and this is what she wants him to do, this is what he wants her to do. “Go on, I trust you.” Her sweet tone reaches his ears and he smiles at her, so happy to know that she’s there for him and, more than anything else, she sees in him a person that she can trust. It’s just priceless. “And I trust you,” Shawn responds and she smiles back at him, feeling more comfortable against her pillows. “Excuse me.” He asks before touching her and she nods in confirmation, allowing him to go on. Shawn knows that this is not his body, so he must have her approval and excuse to touch her. His palm is softly sliding along the expansion of her shin to her knee and inner thigh, looking her deep in the eyes, attentive to any sign that she’s not liking it so he can stop. He wants to show her that he doesn’t wanna hurt her or do something harmful, so he rubs his thumb from side to side, caressing her and showing that he’s being so careful. She looks at her own ceiling, trying to keep her breathing calm and remain herself that she suggested it, so she must stay true to her pure intentions and leave her dirty thoughts locked and forbidden. He reaches the spot she told him to look for. He stops moving when he gets there and waits for her to give him another permission. “What’re you touching?” She asks. Shawn gets it as a chastise and lifts his hand up, widening his eyes. She slips her arm under the blanket and places it back to where it was, making him gulp and miss a heartbeat. “I’m not asking you to leave, Mendes,” She laughs. “I’m asking you what’s this specific spot you’re touching right now. This is still a test.” His eyes are still wide as ever, comprehending her words and looking for the answer in his mind. “The pubic mound... Okay...” He answers more to himself and tries to remember the words she made him take notes about. “It’s... a fibroadipose tissue that stays on top of the bone and it divides into the labia majora on either side of the pudendal cleft.” “Very good,” She praises and he smiles, actually wanting to scream in happiness for answering correctly and in tension, because her words made his nerves sparkle somehow. ‘Just breathe’ he says to himself as a mantra. “You can feel it if you want to.” The tips of his fingers press lightly against it, choosing random spots to feel and then he lets go of it. He can read about it in the books where his gravity is going to be centered. “Should I keep going?” He asks. “Yes, please.”

Oh God, not please.

Both of them getting a type of disquietude after this word in particular. She didn’t mean to say it, she knows that ‘please’ doesn’t even fit correctly to the moment but somehow it escaped from her lips nearing a state of beg. She couldn’t let him know. This is still forbidden. He swallows harshly and moves down slowly, almost reaching his next stop.

“Okay, stop.” She says and he immediately stays still. “I’m gonna ask you something very embarassing but necessary.” “...Alright?!...” Shawn eyes her with concentration, trying to understand if he did something wrong at any point. “Lick your finger before touching this next spot,” Unable to look him in the eyes, she asks and covers her face. This makes him comfortable to remove his hand and lick his index finger before she can see him doing it. “You shouldn’t do this to your patients, but I’m very sensitive and when it’s all dry it might hurt a little.” “Okay,” He gets back to where he was before and sets his hand back down on her. “Was I here?” “Yup,” She says popping her ‘p’. “You can touch it now.” His touch is now wet and cold, making her shiver slightly and it glides easily. She removes her hands from her face but keeps her eyes shut to focus on not getting wetter than his finger. “Clitoris.” “Nope.” “No?” “Try to remember about the first time I yelled at you downstairs.” “Oh, alright.” He tilts his head down and laughs to himself. His finger is moving so delicately that it’s nearly tickling her heat. She shifts her ankles further just a little so she can see that flushy face of his, eyes now looking up as he tries to find a blank spot where his sight can help his imagination to picture what it looks like as he touches her. “Clitoral foreskin? Clitoral hood?” “Hood is better.” “Fine,” He grins. “It’s a mucocutaneous tissue that covers and protects the clitoris. It can fully cover the clit sometimes, but it also can just partly cover it.” “Thought you’d never get it right, not gonna lie.” She confesses and he moves his pretty greenish eyes to look at her, and she finally reciprocates. “Thought you trusted me!” It’s so good to interact as they typically do. It’s so good to feel more normal and less awkard. The two of them could now feel their bodies relaxing and free to get back to joking and playing. Nothing’s really planned for ages before acting, it’s just natural. This is what they were looking for. His cold calloused finger goes down shortly and she lets a sigh fly from her lips, instantly biting at her bottom one. She writhes sparsely, trying not to do what she’d normally do if they weren’t studying. “Clitoris? Is it here?” “M-hm.” “Erectile nub placed at the top of the vulva. It has around 8.000 nerve endings and blood supply. Would you mind if I see it?” She shakes her head in denial and grabs the cover up to reveal her lower half, making it rest on her stomach. Shawn takes his finger away for a moment to see the little nub and memorize where it is. He thinks he’d never seen something so beautiful in his life; he never thought it’d look this beautiful. Totally compelled, he licks his digit again and touches her clit, differently from before. Now, he’s softly drawing tiny circles around it and she accidentaly moans lowly. The tip of his finger is sliding so deliciously that she couldn’t even notice the time when she showed such weakness. “If you keep doing like this, you’re gonna turn me on and-” “How sensitive is it?” He cuts her off and, to be honest, he wasn’t even listening. All of his concentration got directed to her clit, now swelling under his control. “What?” “How sensitive is it? With so many nerve endings, it must be really delicate. Isn’t it?” She’s not quite understanding. Shouldn’t he know this already? Or was he one of those guys who never finds a clit during sex? “It’s sensitive enough to get me excited,” She warns but it’s not like he’s giving a single damn right now. “But if you press it hard, then it’ll hurt me bad. Like... you can add a little bit more of pressure...” And he immediately does, watching the way his finger works carefully but performing firmly now. She exhales strongly, trying so hard not to lose her shit. “A little bit more...” She demands and he obeys. Where is this going? She can’t answer herself now that this feels so good. His touch rounding her clit, sometimes going from side to side and he takes his time feeling all the extension of it. “Don’t go further than this, otherwise it’ll only harm me.” This amount of pressure was just perfect for her taste. Shawn doesn’t even know about this, but he keeps going and he even leans closer to see it better. Now there was no hell, it was just heaven. Heaven in the way her face contorts everytime he hits the center of her clit; heaven in the way her chest is moving up and down, trying not to lose the pattern of her respiration; heaven in the way her eyes squinted – but no completely – peeking at him with some struggle. He stops eyeing her heat, saving the last information he got from it and looks at her, eyes practically dark. “Let’s move on to-” “Can I put my mouth on it?” Her jaw falls. Such a question she didn’t know she needed to hear today. She knew she wanted to, but never knew she needed it so bad. “Are you asking to eat me out, Mendes?” For a minute there, she thinks she’s dreaming. Dreaming wildly. She promptly supports her body on her elbows and tosses her blanket away from her body. “I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry,” It’s like a force pushed him back to earth. He felt so intoxicated by her that his attention flew out to somewhere else. “I’m such a-” “Do it.” “What is it?” “Do it,” She insists. Can’t miss the chance, can’t have him going back now. Not now. “You want it?” He nods kind of desperately. “Then show me what you can do.” She tilts her head to the side and smirks at him. His mouth forms an ‘o’ shape. Jesus Christ, she can get him around her finger so easily that he feels lucky that he was the one to get her around his finger previously. But how is he supposed to do this? He decides to get started by kissing the inner part of her leg, planting wet kisses along her smooth skin and it feels so satisfying to have her skin exposing goosebumps under his touch. He’s getting closer and she sighs so sweetly that he’s hoping he’s doing the right thing. The scent of her is driving him crazy, he can’t wait to know the taste. “I-” He starts that old speech of explanation. He doesn’t want to but he feels like he needs to be honest with her and tell that he’s still a virgin. Lost and anxious to find himself. Find her. “I know. I’ll guide you, don’t you worry about that.” She’s just perfect. There’s no better definition inside his mind right now. He’s the opened book she loves to devour every single page of, absorbing the details and letting herself get immersed. She arranges her body on her bed to give him more space to lay down on his stomach and between her parted legs. When he finishes his trail of wet and hot kisses, she stands in one shoulder as her other arm goes to reach his brown curls that she loves so much. “You can kiss it first,” She directs him. “See what it feels like against your lips and oh,” She moans because he wasted no time on licking his lips and kissing her clit. “G-Get yourself used to it, take your time to adjust yourself, no need to hurry.” But she didn’t really mean that. She does need the hurry, ‘cause she might collapse from this torture at any second. Shawn tries the kissing, doing it from her clit and covering every inch of her lower lips then going back to the smaller ones. Over and over again, until he gets kinda bored. He wants to make her squirm like she said before in the kitchen. He wants to put his daydreams to a proof as quick as possible. “You’re so wet,” He notices and is unaware of the effect it had on her. Her glistening pussy is inviting him and he wants to live in this for the rest of his days. He knows he has no experience, but this time, he doesn’t wait. He sinks his head down on her and his tongue is flattening against her heat to lick a stripe from her entrance to her clit, covering her with his mouth in order not to miss a single inch. And fuck she tastes so fuckin’ good. Nothing compared to his imagination. “Oh my God,” Another moan slips out and she drops her head backwards, gotten my surprise. “That’s it...” He embraces her thighs and her ankles are now resting on his back. His head buries in her pussy and she returns to look at him. It’s the best view in the world. Cheeks flushed and eyes closed, looking so serene and enjoying the taste of her like he never did with anything else. Shawn pulls her hips closer to him, growing hungrier and obsessed with this moment. “Shawn!” She calls out and giggles, thinking that he’s also in the mood to play. Not now. “How hard can I suck you?” He pulls away, not going very far just to breathe and ask her. “Hard enough to show me how bad you want me, not hard like a crazy animal would probably do.” He groans against her heat and frowns in what he thinks it must be suffering. How can she get him so fragile to her? He feels his head spinning and she hasn’t even touched him back yet. “What are you doing to me?” Shawn whispers, thinking out loud. He drags his tongue up and down against her boldly, mixing the wetness of his tongue with her wetness and it’s slow, painfully slow. She tugs his hair when she feels that tingling sensation down on her entrance and it spurs him on to try his first suction. He does, giving her the best job he could do for the first time in his life. “Close your mouth a little and suck harder.” She recommends and he promptly does. His lips are wrapped around her bundle of nerves as he licks her before, tongue gliding in circles and he’s keeping his tongue relaxed, what makes her see stars with this pleasant sensation. It’s so smooth and so tender that she’s afraid she’s going to pass out from the pleasure. He tries sucking for the second time and earns the perfect reaction from her: toes curling, eyes rolling to the back of her head and she gasps, body giving up against the mattress. She feels her clit throbbing and the way he sucks it is pushing her over the edge. It’s wet, it’s warm and so precise. “Fuck Shawn, fuck!” Her lungs are supplicating for air and she makes a good effort to look down at him again – eyeing her through his eyelashes – and, although he’s still finding a way to please her, he knows he’s being good, so he gives her a devilish smile. “Keep doing like this, baby, don’t stop...” That’s it for him. He tries to suck her again. It’s long he’s deliberately repeating series of suctions, having her crying out in her bed and arching her back. He tests it harder and faster and her hands instantly fly to grab his curls. Her moans are gradually turning into frantic screams and she’s trembling. Shawn Mendes never imagined he could get his friend shaking hectically with his mouth on her heat, sucking and licking her with his whole body and soul. His member is so hard inside his sweatpants but he doesn’t care, as long as she’s enjoying it, then he didn’t need something more. And he thinks she looks impossibly prettier with her beautiful lips parted to free her whimpers, sometimes smirking down at him to tease him; hair getting messier than her body quivering and being stopped by his large hands, caressing the sides of her waist and traveling down to the sides of her bum and legs, holding them forcefully so she wouldn’t escape from his touch. “Shawn,” She gulps before moving on, throat dry from moaning uninterruptedly. “Pull away, I’m gonna come.” With her clit gently tugged between his plump red lips, he shakes his head from side to side in denial lazily and it’s a new sensation to her, so so so good that her vision gloes blurry. Shawn just revealed himself not only stubborn in his studies but also in bed, and she’s so eager to dominate him like this... He remembers about all the things they should be studying right now and maps her core to find her entrance with his index finger. Just as she taught him, he licks the digit and thrust it inside of her as soon as he finds it, bringing his mouth back to her clit to suck rapidly as his finger moves slowly. She fights back a loud scream, covering her mouth as she feels her pussy aching deliciously, searching for its release. “Can you take two?” Shawn feels her walls squeezing his finger and doubts that she can keep another one. “Yes, please.” She says through gritted teeth and it’s good to give this word the real meaning she wanted to give before. He pushes another finger into her and she moans once more, she doesn′t know how long she can wait. He thrusts the fingers so gingerly, not sure about what to do and what pace to pick. Was he hurting her? “You’re so tight...” He comments so innocently, he thought that it wouldn’t be this constricted. He starts to imagine how heavenly his cock would feel hugged by her dripping pussy. “Mendes,” She says under her breath. “I need you to go faster.” “Like this?” He picks up his rhythm shyly. “More.” His digits are covered in her juices and moving with ease. She feels that knot on her stomach tightening and about to explode. “More.” She begs and broken sobs are slipping past her lips. He goes deeper, fingers completely disappearing inside of her. “Right there! Oh, right there,” He finds her spot and her eyes roll to the back of her head once more, making Shawn dig the nails of his free hand into the skin of her thigh and suck at her bundle of nerves as fast as his fingers are working now. “Do it like this.” She can’t raise her hand right now to show due to her weakness but Shawn’s eyes are quick to find her fingers moving in a ‘come here’ motion and he immediately gives it to her. He can’t comprehend exactly where he’s taking her, but when she stops moaning and her legs starts shaking, he understands it. She’s feeling every inch of her core pulsating as her orgasm washes over her body and he can’t believe he just made her come. His fingers are slowing down and he pulls his mouth away, looking at her body coming down of her high. He removes his fingers slow and carefully and gives one last lick, catching what she released, and one last suck, her back arching for the last time. He waits for her to settle down and get back to her senses before doing anything else. And when she does, she glances at him and silently invites him to come closer. “You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” She taps his strong chest as he crawls over her, knees supported by the mattress under her parted thighs and upper half covering her front. He must be kidding. “Not really...” He vents, embarassed but glad that he provided her something nice. “But did... Did this just ruin what we have?” “I honestly couldn’t care less if it did,” She spits out and he fears her next words. “I couldn’t fucking wait to have you like this since the very first day we spoke.” “Would it be weird if I told you I feel the same way?” “Nope. But that’s something you can save for later,” She pulls him by the shirt and pecks his lips, savouring the taste of herself on his lips. “I wanna make you feel good first. What do you think about that?” “Glad you finally asked.”

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes blurbs #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes masterlist #mine #ficsofmine #I NEED HOLY WATER AND I KNOW IT

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here-there-be-nerds · 6 years

Text

Single Dad Taako 6

( 0 ) ( 1 ) ( 1.5 ) ( 2 ) ( 3 ) ( 4 ) ( 5 ) ( 6 ) ( 7 ) ( 8 ) ( 9 ) ( 10 ) ( 11 )

Thank you to all of you that suggested dates! I’ll be adding more in the next one.

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While everything had been pretty settled during the quest the boy's ended up calling Crystal Kingdom for the obvious joke it turns out there were a few loose ends Kravitz wanted to go over. Taako was more than delighted to take on the task on meeting up with Kravitz. He wasn't a fool though, despite the stupid shit he got up to, he arranged to meet the reaper somewhere more public to control the scene lest things go south.

The Chug N' Squeeze was the big new thing that just opened up on the moon base where the Bureau of Balance did most of its business and its launching. This establishment was known for its fine wine selections and entertaining pottery classes. Have a drink, make a pot, have a fun night.

This is where Kravitz found himself awkwardly walking into, of all the places to meet Taako to discuss something that could potentially take the elf to the Astral Plane. Kravitz says potentially, but he had already discussed the case with the Raven Queen and she found it a sound mistake, she also said that Lady Istus explained the situation and cleared the matter. So really this was no longer necessary but...Kravitz found himself intrigued by Taako.

Kravitz found Taako easily enough and took a seat at the pottery wheel next to him as he greeted him. As he looked around the room he noticed all the stations were set in pairs and everyone in attendance seemed enamored with each other. They were all couples certainly.

"Hey homie~" Taako greeted as he sat down.

They both worked on pottery as they discussed the issues of Refuge, arguing the concept of the boy's being special edge cases and not just the run of the mill souls to worry over. Taako insisted on making a fine bowl despite the theme of the night being vases, it was incredibly endearing. The more they spoke the more Kravitz couldn't understand Taako.

"If you don't me asking, but why are you doing all this? Risking your life and putting yourself in known dangerous situations?" Kravitz asked.

"Because I'm afraid no one else would have me." Taako responded without missing a beat.

The phrasing haunting familiar to Kravitz in a way he wasn't prepared for, he felt like that was something he should recall with but couldn't place it. He was far too unnerved in the blatant honest, it was disarming.

"Wow." Kravitz said blindsided. "That was a very honest answer; I have to admit I'm a bit shocked."

"Well, I mean, it is the truth. And if I can't be honest in the...in the Chug N' Squeeze, where can I, my man?" Taako said with restrained laughter with how absurd that must sound.

They spoke more of personal things after that, Kravitz had even shared his dreams of when he was alive of being a conductor for an orchestra. Taako told a tale of how he had lived out his dreams of being a traveling celebrity chef for a few years but dodged when asked why he stopped.

During things Taako had slid his chair closer to Kravitz's station as he showed signs of struggling with his piece. Taako placed his hands over Kravitz’s, having to move behind him some and pressing against his shoulder.

"Ah, hatchi matchi, those are clammy." Taako said as he discovered the icy feel of the reaper’s skin, he supposed he shouldn't have been surprised.

Taako noted how flustered Kravitz had become and smiled secretly to himself as he assisted in the shaping of Kravitz's vase. If he shared with the reaper a half lidded look that was rather sensual, well, that was how Taako do.

Taako giggled as Kravitz began to go skeletal in the middle of things and finally backed off, oh yes, this was going to be interesting.

That had been their first date, something to this day Kravitz had been thrown off by. Their second had been a more official affair that Taako allowed Kravitz to plan. The man did not disappoint.

While inter plane rift traveling was something that would be something to get used to it was the best way to find yourself literally anywhere.

Where Kravitz had taken him was breath taking to say the very least, it was a stunning lake that went on for miles that at first he thought it was the ocean. Kravitz couldn't have known this, but the beach had been a special thing for Taako, he and his family had spent an entire month out on the beach front because...well that was another story. So Taako's heart clenched pleasantly as he watched the sun sparkle like diamonds crashing against the shore.

Kravitz cool hand slipped into Taako's and it drew him out of himself as he saw a smile grace the reapers face. It felt like Taako was caught up in the waves the way Kravitz looked at him, like the man was seeing a sunset for the first time. It was like the world shifted as Kravitz lead Taako down the shore.

They abandoned the idea of wearing shoes in favor of holding them as they rolled up their pants and allowed the cold waters to wash over their feet. Taako was delighted to see buttoned up Kravitz in such a relaxed state.

The venture had lead them a good ways from where they had started, Taako didn't mind at all as he looped arms with Kravitz and they chatted through the journey. Taako had teased him relentlessly for being so cliché and loving how incredibly easy it was to fluster the Grim Reaper.

They came upon a blanket in the middle of the beach that was strewn with a simple picnic set up and a wine bottle set in a bucket of ice.

"What...did you really?" Taako asked as he turned to Kravitz.

"Too cliche again?" Kravitz asked, almost genuinely concerned.

"Well..." Taako leaned more into Kravitz as he looked over the blanket. "It’s classic for a reason, my dude, it's...sweet."

When they settled in and Kravitz served Taako up a plate he sheepishly admitted he hadn't made of it and actually had to find a vendor to pick it up from.

"I don't think I've been in a kitchen for a few decades and that was still for work." Kravitz said with a nervous laugh.

"No worries, can't all be five star chefs." Taako said as he took the plate of boneless chicken and sides of coleslaw and mashed potatoes. "Did you go to Fantasy KFC?" He snorted.

"No?" Kravitz said puzzled. "Would have you preferred that?"

"Hell no." Taako scrunched up hoax nose. "None for Taako, thanks. Nah, this does look much better, less greasy."

It wasn't half bad and the real treat was watching Kravitz try to figure out how to eat a drum stick. The man ended up using a fork and knife insisting he didn't want to get it all over his hands. Taako could hardly stifle his laughter despite his best efforts.

It had been a simple thing but it had Taako on cloud nine when he came home. Angus was probably in bed by now, grumpy that Taako had Barry and Lup watch him.

Taako sighed dreamily to himself, ignoring how silly it was to feel like this after just a few dates but after all the shit in his life? He felt he deserved some school kid gushing over the cute boy that actually wanted to keep seeing him. Kravitz was a sap, Taako could already see that. He was so cheesy but it was so attractive? He treated Taako like he hung the moon, it was hauntingly familiar but at the same time utterly unique.

Taako's ears flicked as he heard small sounds down the hall and he silently moved to catch Angus hiding in the hall.

"Ah!"

"Ah!" Taako mocked, rolling his eyes playfully. "What are you doing up, squirt?"

"I...I just wanted to make sure you were home." Angus stammered, flustered at being caught.

"Yea, just ol'Taako." Taako said, ruffling Angus' hair as he passed him on his way to his room. "Hit the hay, kiddo, its late."

"Okay..." Angus mumbled and it stopped Taako in mid reach for his door.

"You okay?" Taako asked looking back at the boy.

Angus shifted his weight from foot to foot; his gaze down and Taako realized he was wearing his glasses. He'd been up for a while.

"Sleep over?" Taako asked softly.

Angus nodded a little and went into his room to retrieve a pillow and joined Taako into his room.

"Did you have fun hangin with your nerdy aunt and uncle?" Taako asked as he started getting ready for bed and Angus got under the covers.

"Yes...but I don't need babysitters when you go out on missions and stuff." Angus huffed haughtily as he sunk under the covers. "I'm almost ten years old now, sir; I can take care of myself."

"You can barely reach the cupboards." Taako pointed out as his disappeared into the master bath to change into his pajamas.

"I...I have a stool!" Angus protested.

"Anges, it just makes /me/ feel better." Taako said as he came back out. "Knowing people who can reach the food are here."

Angus hid a smile under the covers, Taako may have had him a year and something now, but it always funny to watch the elf try to act like he didn't care about the little things. It was something Angus learned about quick and he saw right through it and it always made him really happy as strange as it was. Because it meant Taako /cared/ about /him/. It meant a lot, these moments.

Taako had swung some pretty baller tickets if he did say so himself~ It was actually something that had been a bit difficult and he had a bit of a time about it but Taako could be quite Charming when he wanted to be. It wasn't like that guy was gonna be there night of anyway.

It also gave him the perfect excuse to go all the fuck out wardrobe wise, he finally got to slip into that sleek navy gown that fit him like a glove, dust off his pearls and his finest heels.

A night at the opera, usually not Taako's thing, but Kravitz was going to lose his mind. They met at the theater and instantly Kravitz dropped his jaw, had he been in skeleton mode it literally would have fallen to the ground, Taako would have loved to see that.

"Ready babe?" Taako smirked pleased with himself beyond belief.

"I...you...wow." Kravitz swallowed, something Taako was sure wasn't something the reaper needed to do, but he had been picking up some mortal traits the longer he kept up a physical form. A form Taako dug.

"Yea, this ole thing." Taako unfurled his hand fan to cover his shit eating grin. "Bout time I got some use out of it."

"You...you look astounding." Kravitz breathed as he looked Taako in the eyes and it sent pleasant fluttering through the elf.

That wasn't something he was used to, his dates usually said things like that looking a little further south and the honesty of it had Taako resisting to squirm. What the fuck?

"Could say the same, but you always look killer." Taako snorted. "Maybe not the best turn of phrase, but works all the same."

Kravitz smiled as he chuckled and offered his arm which Taako graciously took.

"I had no idea you were interested in Riley Switz's work." Kravitz said as they made their way inside.

"Oh yea, for sure, he's totally the best, never go unless it's my dude Switz." Taako said as he pressed into Kravitz side.

"You've never heard of her have you?" Kravitz lifted a brow good-naturedly.

"I've never heard of them." Taako admitted, grinning slyly.

"You're in for a treat; she is a very talented composer." Kravitz said.

Kravitz went on and on about his favorite pieces by this whoever as they handed over their tickets and found their box. Yes, box, Taako didn't half ass a fancy ass date. Kravitz was ecstatic and the way his lit up at the view was worth the gold spent and how he jabbered on this that went straight over Taako's head made the elf bite his lip to keep smiling like a dope.

The show started and Kravitz took Taako's hand in his own and the cool touch was really starting to feel nice in his hands. Kravitz was like a child when he watched the opera unfold, getting to the edge of his seat at parts, covering his mouth at the dramatics, squeezing Taako's hand along with every emotional reaction.

It was stunning; Taako almost missed most of the performance because of the better show he had up here in the box they shared. Kravitz really was something else, always surprising him.

After the show, Kravitz was on another high of rambling as they went back down. So focused on discussing his favorite parts that he hadn't noticed that Taako had been leading him back stage.

"You wanna tell them that?" Taako asked as he jerked his head in the direction of the members of the orchestra that was finishing up packing their things.

Kravitz focused on where they were and gasped, unnecessary for a man that doesn't require to breathe. How could Taako get more of these reactions?

"I, we, what?" Kravitz sputtered.

"Got back stage access, baby~!" Taako bragged as he grinned.

Kravitz looked at Taako and the elf gripped his clutch bag tightly, he was looking at Taako like he had been the performance the whole time. Like he was the dazzling lights, the stunning costuming, the rise and fall of music perfectly executed. It was flooring to be so adored by a single person.

"You did all this...for me?" Kravitz asked astonished.

"Yea, it's whatever." Taako shifted his gaze, it was too much. "I know you like this music crap so I was like what the hell, y'know?"

Taako started as Kravitz took his hands despite the clutch in his way, squeezing gently and Taako looked at him. Breath taking, fuck, Kravitz was over the moon right now and Taako put that look on his face.

"Thank you." Kravitz said softly.

The words so simple so common, but Kravitz's eyes spoke volumes more. It swept Taako away in emotions he hadn't felt in years and also never at all. These were original and untainted. The reaper might as well have said the big three and maybe in a way he had?

"It's...n-nothin'." Taako stammered as he tried to maintain his aloof allure.

Kravitz's smile shifted into something more knowing and pleased. Well fuck.

They spent the rest of their time at the theatre speaking with the band members, Taako's arm lopped with Kravitz as the reaper asked question after question. When he wasn't asking he was complimenting them all like the huge nerd he was. It was a great night.

At the end of the night Kravitz dropped Taako off at the moon base dorm he was staying at for an upcoming mission, that and Taako hadn't wanted Angus to be uncomfortable with a stranger around the house. That was a different thing for a different time.

"I had...the most amazing time." Kravitz said as they stood outside of Taako's door, a strange formality for a man who can rip open rifts to anywhere.

"It was pretty bitchin'." Taako agreed, biting his lip as he looked into Kravitz's adoring eyes. "Let's do it again sometime?" Taako restrained himself from clenching his hands, shoving his insecurities off the side of the moon base.

"I'll try to live up to this level of entertainment." Kravitz joked without pause, no hesitation, already planning their next date in his head.

Taako relaxed and smoothed out the tension in his shoulders with a shrug.

"No worries, kemosabe, not everything can get up to the hype of a Taako event. Anything is chill." Taako said casually and it had been honest, Taako didn't need flare from Kravitz, just his company would be enough. Taako tried to ignore how sappy that was.

"Still, I already can't wait." Kravitz said as he stepped into Taako's personal space, looking flushed as he gazed into Taako's eyes, possibly his soul.

"May I? Uh, may I kiss you?" Kravitz asked so politely Taako wanted to laugh but he couldn't find it in him to do it.

"Yea, lay it on me." Taako blushed lightly despite his flippant response.

Kravitz didn't seem to mind, he didn't seem to mind so much about Taako. He seemed thrilled and delighted in the elf's very existence; it was something to get used to.

Kravitz placed a cool hand on Taako's hip and held them flush against each other as his other hand cupped Taako's cheek as if he was delicate fine china. Looked at him like he was a precious thing meant to be cared for and Taako was swept away and they hadn't even kissed yet!

Their lips meet in a softness Taako wasn't used to. Rough, sharp, with demanding hands handling him with the intention to break, hell yea; that was the usual for ol'Taako. But not Kravitz, he was so gentle in his affection as they slotted together, as if Taako was his prized possession that he took the upmost care of least it get damaged. Except...Kravitz would never think of Taako as a possession but a gift to be near, the way he kissed Taako, giving the elf every opportunity to pull away at any time.

It was so overwhelming that Taako had almost not noticed how cold Kravitz's lips were. Sure it was a bit weird at first, but he delighted in it, it was so Kravitz. When they parted Taako couldn't open his eyes for a few moments, he didn't even know where he was for a second.

"I...fuck." Taako sputtered as he opened his eyes to see that adoring face. "Like...damn. How were you ever single?"

Kravitz stared at him perplexed for a beat before laughing boisterous and unrestrained. Oh no, Taako was done for, for sure.

They shared another, shorter kiss before they parted for the night. Taako pressed his back against his door once he was inside.

Was it possible to fall in love this quickly? In this short of time? The one thing people in love rarely have enough of? Oh boy, he was in it now.

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Thanks for reading and hey....I love you guys.

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captainsamevans · 6 years

Text

Do You Feel It?

Who: Mason McCarthy & Sam Evans

When: Friday night - 10/26

Where: Breadstix

What: cute first date stuff

Mason knew the nerves didn't make sense. He knew Sam pretty well by now, they'd hung out quite a few times and talked pretty consistently for almost a month now, but the idea of things shifting... that had to be what the nerves were from. As soon as they got to Breadstix Mason slid into a booth and started fiddling with his napkin, giving Sam the shyest grin as he offered him a breadstick. "You look really good. I know I've said that like... a half dozen times already, but you really do."

Sam grabbed a breadstick and bit a piece off, willing himself to relax. He'd been on plenty of dates before. But this was different for some obvious reasons and maybe some not as obvious ones. He wasn't sure yet. He smiled softly at Mason's compliment. "You do too. I'm gonna be honest. This is my first date with... a guy. Not that it's totally different. A date's a date, right? But it feels kinda different, I guess."

Mason took a bite out of his own breadstick and washed it down before replying, the weird shy feeling creeping out again and making it hard to speak normally. "If it makes you feel any better this is my first date with a guy too. It feels... definitely something new. Good, but it's still new. At least the basics are still the same! Plus we don't have to deal with the super awkward initial get to know you part in the process."

"I guess it's harder to get a date with a guy around here," Sam reasoned. "But Blaine has two boyfriends, so I still think he must be really good at this dating thing, no matter what he says." He shrugged and slurped at his water for a moment. "That's true. I already know you're awesome."

"I've never met anyone who had two boyfriends before so he must be a big smooth talker...." Mason thought back to what Sebastian had mentioned about the three of them and blushed all over again. "What did he tell you about this whole dating thing, then?" It was an assumption, but not one he was too worried about making. "Same! Plus, you know from the get-go we'll get along."

"He is pretty charming. I think it's a requirement to be a Warbler," Sam chuckled. His own cheeks turned a soft pink at the question though for different reasons. "If I tell you that, I'll have to tell you what I asked him and then you'll know what a major doofus I am, so..."

"I think so, considering Sebastian and Skylar seem to have a similar vein of charming too. Just... slightly different." Mason's eyebrows raised and he leaned forward in his seat curiously, both elbows going up on the table. "I wouldn't think you were a doofus, Sam!"

"Blaine's totally got a nerd side too though, which is why we make such good friends." Sam nodded simply before he saw Mason leaning in towards him and he sighed. Mason already agreed to go out with him, so he might as well just be honest since it obviously wasn't going to freak the guy out too much. "I just asked him what I should do cause I liked you... I do like you. And I didn't know if you liked me and I didn't want you to stop being my friend," he admitted, looking down at his menu for a moment. "So he told me to just... ask you to dinner and see how you reacted. And if you weren't into it I could play it off like a friend thing."

"Blaine has a nerd side?! Like, outside of the musicals and stuff?" Mason was genuinely surprised - Blaine seemed very suave, and he admittedly didn't typically associate suave with nerdy. The idea of Sam being nervous about asking him out - and not knowing if Mason liked him back - had a pleased grin spreading over his face and he reached forward to squeeze Sam's hand quickly before letting it go. "I like you too. Just for the record. I also think that was a brilliant idea on his part, but I can definitely say it wasn't needed - I was already trying to figure out how to tell you that I wasn't just like... jokingly flirting with you."

"Oh, yeah. He sends me links to the best Star Wars fanfic. And we were talking about starting a superhero club before he transferred," Sam explained. He smiled as Mason's hand laid over his and he squeezed back, finding himself kind of sad when Mason took his hand back. "Yeah? I mean that makes sense, since you said yes and everything. But it's nice to hear and stuff."

“Okay but please tell me there’s some shipping of the robots in there. You should still start that! I know several interested parties.” Where before their hands had touched, Mason let his foot nudge forward until it was pressed again Sam’s, looking a little shy still. “Yeah. Like.... it’s really really nice to be able to call you my date. Plus, you have good taste in restaurants!”

"If it exists, someone will ship it, that's for sure. I like the ones about Endor and ewoks. They get way too much hate if you ask me," Sam insisted, shaking his head in disappointment. "Are they all you?" He squinted, but let out a playful laugh. "It is really nice. And to be fair, there aren't a ton of options."

"Tell me, Sam Evans, have you actually written any of this fanfiction yourself?" Mason just grinned a little, dipping his breadstick in marinara sauce. "Well. Maybe most of them...." He knew he was being silly, but it was still so nice to be here with someone on a DATE, with Sam specifically after weeks of flirting. "No, but I'm also a big fan of italian food. Especially lasagna. And breadsticks. And alfredo sauce."

Sam shrugged but then shook his head a little. "Nah. I mean not actually written. I do make up stories in my head a lot, but I'm not very good at the writing part. I'm more a fan art guy. Or I can do comics. But not really long stories," he explained. "I mean, we could still try though maybe. It might be fun. And I'm glad you're having a good time. I feel really like... comfortable with you. It's cool."

"That is so cool! You do fan art?! You mentioned liking sketching before, but I didn't connect the dots to how much you actually liked drawing. What kind of stuff?" The idea of trying it had him nodding, and he was already thinking of things they could do. "Reasons to date your friends, right? Oh! Speaking of! Do you happen to be a fan of spooky things outside of spooky movies?"

"Yeah, I love drawing. I want to learn animation too, but I'm saving up for some of the equipment you need to do it, " Sam explained proudly. "I like to create my own comics and make up characters and stuff. And I do a lotta Cap designs cause he's my favorite." He smiled shyly at that thought. He'd never really dated someone he was close friends with beforehand. "I mean, it's Halloween. It's all about the spoopy!"

“That would be so cool! Do you want to animate based off the characters you come up with? You’re a very Captain America kind of guy, it makes sense. Not just the physique either, but the way you care about people and your entire personality.” Mason complimented intentionally all the time, sure, but some things were merely glaringly obvious observations. “It is! Okay good. You mentioned wanting to go see Halloween - why don’t we do a haunted house beforehand?”

"Maybe." Sam shrugged, still unsure of himself in that particularly area. "I'm just having fun with it and seeing what I can learn for now." His smile returned and his cheeks turned a soft pink at Mason's compliment. "Ooh, that'd be fun! We totally have to dress up too. In the spirit of Halloween and all."

The conversation flowed so easily the rest of the night that Mason was almost giddy with it - maybe he'd done the right thing in waiting to date someone properly who was more of a friend than simply an infatuation. Asking Sam to take him home was admittedly in part to extend their time together, and when they pulled up to his house Mason was already turning to face Sam. "Tonight was so much fun, Sam."

Sam put his car in park and turned his body as much as he could as well, smiling over at Mason. With a quick calming breath, he reached over and took Mason's hand in his own. "It was. I had a blast. I'm really glad you said... over and over," he added with a little laugh. Mason's excitement about everything was super contagious.

"So am I! I'm really glad my rambling hasn't scared you off yet." Mason squeezed Sam's hand, and this time he kept their hands pressed together. The contact was so night and the 'first date' feel of it all was so nice that he wanted to just... soak it up. For a second his eyes darted down to Sam's lips and he didn't know what proper protocol was, so he went for a whispered "Can I kiss you?"(edited)

The corners of Sam's lips curled up slowly and he took another breath. It seemed he hadn't forgotten how to make words with his mouth, so he just nodded slightly at first as he kept staring at Mason's eyes. "Yeah," he finally managed to get out. "Definitely yeah."

Mason waited for consent before he leaned in and pressed his lips to Sam's. The pressure was gentle, but firm, and he let himself enjoy it for exactly what it was. It was like physically manifesting all the wonderful things Sam had been making him feel since they'd first met and putting them into the kiss.

Sam's hand instinctively came up and his fingertips brushed over Mason's cheek. In the moment, the thought ran through his hand how different it felt from kissing a girl. Mason's skin was still soft but it was in a different way, his jaw more pronounced. He really liked it. He returned the kiss, careful not to press forward to quickly and enjoy the moment for what it was. He was still smiling like a fool when they broke apart.

Mason felt a little like he was floating when Sam's lips pulled away from his, and like a teenager very much in like he let his eyes stay closed for a few moments more just to really let the feeling linger before finally he opened his eyes and grinned. "Holy /wow/, Sam."

Sam let out a breathy little chuckle because he couldn't imagine a better reaction, especially from Mason. "Yeah, dude. Same," he replied before realizing how incredibly stupid that sounded. Not that his brain was really in working order right now anyway. "I mean... you're really good at that."

"So are you," Mason admitted, hoping Sam wouldn't think he was too weird for not really knowing what to say after that. "Usually I can string words together at least. I really, really hope that kiss means you're interested in a second date, because if you are, then the answer is already yes."

"Well, you're usually doing better than me then," Sam joked, still holding tight to Mason's hand. "And, yeah. Most definitely. Haunted house and Halloween, yeah? You can even hide against my shoulder if you want. Or I might have to hide against yours. I can't make any promises."

"Yes! Haunted house and Halloween. Whenever you want.. If you really want to hide, I will absolutely make sure I have on my softest hoodie," Mason teased quietly, taking a chance and leaning in one more time for a slightly less quick kiss, one that seemed to linger before he pulled away. "Text me!"

#pmason #as4mason

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cavern-of-bells · 7 years

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Lords switch bodies w/ MC

So instead of working on the giant bowl of word soup that I have been stirring for probably over a month now (My very first attempt at any sort of fic, ever), I have decided to completely avoid it by drumming out some more HCs! These ones are mainly SFW (unless you work at a church or something), and were just a fun idea I was thinking about yesterday. I have the nagging feeling that there may have been an event story or someone else’s HCs involving this topic, but this trope is in pretty much everything, so hopefully if it’s been done by someone else it’s not too similar. Let me know if there’s another I should be aware of so I can link it!

Anyway, the title pretty much tells you what you’re getting. MC and Lord _____ wake up only to find they’ve swapped places! What ever could happen next???

Proofreading? What’s that? Grammatical errors ahoy!

Tagging the people I have in the last few posts: @sinfulinsecret @yoolee @af-fection @small-and-nerdy @sengokugenkigirl @han-pan @tentori21 @saizoswifey @otome-microwave @duerme07 @hajeema @eroticincubi @viridian99 @belxsar

Nobunaga is thrilled. Now this is the kind of amusement he’s been looking for. He doesn’t care one whit about how you being in his body might make him look, but he is definitely delighting in making you take actions much bolder than you normally would– sauntering up to the dais and plopping yourself in his lap during mealtime where everyone can see; winking and licking your lips at him from across the room.

You just know this dude would jump at the chance to get jiggy with himself, and that he does. And boy does this end up being embarrassing for you– seeing him maintain composure in your body much more easily than you do. “You always scream just from this? I’ve taken it easy on you all this time thinking you were feeling it much more intensely. I’ll have to keep that in mind once we’ve switched back.”

Mitsuhide wholeheartedly believes that this is divine retribution. Penance he must do to atone for all the times he has been rough with you in bed. “Take me now as I have done to you, so that I might feel all the pain I’ve inflicted upon you.” You kind of roll your eyes because if you switch back anytime soon, it’s still your body that will be sore in the end. Instead you suggest showing him the way you like it. You proceed to do your best mimicking exactly the way he always makes love to you.

Yukimura is predictably flustered asf when he realizes the state of things, but once he gets through the arduous challenge that is changing into day-clothes with minimal nosebleeds, his focus shifts swiftly to his comparative lack of physical strength. “How can you do anything like this? What if you’re attacked and I’m not around to defend you?” He gets straight to training to build up your core muscles and hopefully forge some muscle memory for some defensive moves. You think it’s sweet that he’s going to such lengths for you, but secretly curse him once you’ve switched back and your whole body feels like jelly. It doesn’t help that he never lets up on your training after this. (Though you do feel more confident in your ability to sock any would-be-attacker.)

Saizo is absolutely going to take advantage of this learning opportunity as a means to improve upon his Lover’s Guide. What other expert on the art of love has had the chance to experience sex with both sets of anatomy? You can be certain he is going to have sex with you in this state, and will likely convince you to utilize this time to improve your own skills in the bedroom by experiencing firsthand what feels best. Rest assured that there will be no escaping Saizo once this ordeal is over with, because you just know he has fine-tuned his already uncanny ability to pinpoint every last weak spot you have and unravel you.

Masamune stares back at his own face in quiet shock. You have no idea how long he’s been looking at you, but by the time you wake, he’s still watching with a worried look on his face. The two of you watch each other for some time after that, and by the time you snap out of it and realize it’s not a dream, the first thing he does is say “Sorry.” You tell him not to apologize and that it isn’t his fault, that it’s just some weird thing that happened and you’ll just have to try to cope with this reality until some way out presents itself.

Fortunately, both of you are rather shy and quiet, so it isn’t too difficult to maintain an aura of normalcy. The closest you got to being found out was when Shigezane swung his arm around your (as Masamune’s) shoulder, and Masa scowled and batted his hand away. Shigezane chuckles and assures you “Doll, is that jealousy I detect? Don’t worry– I’m not trying to steal your man away, no matter how adorable he is. He is my own flesh and blood after all.” You watch as your own face flushes from across the room. You’re not sure whether Masa’s more embarrassed by the cheeky wink he just received, or by his own temporary lapse of self control. Things go pretty uneventfully after this and before you know it, you’ve gone back to your room. It gets a little hot and heavy, but you don’t get very far– both of you agree that it’s just way too weird looking at yourself, so you promise to make up for it once you’re back to normal.

Kojuro is much less perturbed by the switch than you are. “We’ll just need to take on each other’s duties until we can figure out how to get back to our old selves.” There may not be any particularly challenging duties to fulfill on his part for the time being, but there is no way in seven hells you are allowing him to set foot into your kitchen. Although he insists he can manage, he doesn’t concede until you threaten to tie him up. He finally agrees to stay in your room for the day, and you explain to the retainers that “MC isn’t feeling well.” However, Masa’s gotta eat. You sneak off to the kitchen when you’re sure there will be no one there, and prepare some quick bites. You think you’re off scot-free, but learn much later that Shigezane witnessed the whole thing. To this day he brings up the time he saw Kojuro cook something edible, but nobody believes it happened.

Toshiie can hold his own in a kitchen and ensures things remain running somewhat smoothly, but he keeps absentmindedly running your hands over your hips and/or grabbing your butt, and it’s driving you nuts. When you hiss at him to stop doing that, he gets embarrassed and stammers out an apology, but sure enough, five minutes later, he’s doing it again. You retaliate by acting particularly dog-like around others, but much to his chagrin, nobody seems to notice anything being off about him. This makes you feel bad so you stop.

Hideyoshi also lets your hands wander wherever he pleases, but he is completely unapologetic about it. “How often is it that I get to spend the whole day within reach of you? You’re just so cute I can’t help it.” Once again, you try to get your revenge by making him look especially silly, but everybody is already used to Hideyoshi playing the fool for laughs. Even he joins in, clapping and requesting you do this trick and that dance. Later, he pulls you aside and gives you a kiss, telling you that even when you look like him, you’re still the cutest girl he’s ever seen.

Mitsunari is furious and it’s all your fault! How is he supposed to protect Hideyoshi in this state?? Sure, YOU don’t have to worry because he actually knows how to carry himself like a respectable woman, but you? You have all the grace of an elephant and the reflexes of a sloth. This is sure to end in disaster.

After a very intense lecture, you were finally allowed to begin your day.

Turns out that you ended up being the better actor of the pair. Nobody questioned your behavior even once, while people repeatedly asked him if he was feeling well, and that he seemed a bit stiff.

Mitsunari is understandably disappointed in himself, agonizing over just where he must have gone wrong, and how on earth was a dullard like you able to pull him off so well?? You comfort him by saying it was just because you love him so much. He blushes and pouts and confesses “Well I love you that much, too– it’s not fair that I can’t portray you just as well.” For this reason, he continues practicing your personality long after you’ve become yourselves again.

Ieyasu has you filled with dread even before you have to go out and face the world. “Make a fool of me and you shall regret the very day you were born.” Well acting like his usual, biting self got him to say some very insensitive things to someone you considered a friend of yours, but being cordial to people got you in just as much trouble! You give up your efforts to put on a facade and just behave as you would normally treat others, and hope for the best.

Meanwhile, his retainers (with the exception of Tadatsugu, who sheds a single tear of pride that his boy has finally grown up) are very disturbed by their lord’s new demeanor. Yasumasa is completely creeped out, Toramatsu senses impending doom, and poor Tadakatsu doesn’t know what to do with himself now that he is no longer subjected to Ieyasu’s divine cruelty. That is, until he realizes that being deprived of the punishment he desires most is the cruelest punishment of all! He swoons.

In the end, your punishment is ten years-worth of the most disgusting chores. A small price to pay, you figure, when you notice that Ieyasu gets along just a little bit better now with his people than before.

Kenshin is not fazed one bit. He is delighted to have the opportunity to walk (quite literally) in your shoes. After all, such a chance doesn’t arise in most lifetimes! He is eager to spend the day with you, just exploring and feeling what it’s like to be each other, but is sorely disappointed to find that you feel too guilty to ditch the work Kanetsugu has given you. Kenshin mopes and sticks by you anyway, while Kanetsugu thanks every god he can think of that Kenshin is actually taking his responsibilities seriously for once and has not brought any new junk home today. Luckily, you finish your tasks earlier than anticipated and spend the latter half of the day enjoying one another’s company. After you’ve switched back, Kenshin still mentions from time to time that he misses being so soft, but fortunately you’re still beside him so he can feel whenever he wants.

Shingen is not bothered at all by his condition, much to your surprise. He takes it in stride. “After all, many of the strongest people I’ve known have been women,” he says as he throws a wink to you. He is confident the matter will work itself out in the end, and that for the time being, you may as well make the best of it. He promises he will help you through any duties he has that seem daunting to you, and is more than happy to do his part assisting in the kitchens. He may be a lord, but he does not place himself above any menial work.

His personality remained the same as ever, though, which grew pretty embarrassing at times, particularly when he decided to step in on a conversation in order to give Yukimura some advice about ladies. Apparently he had forgotten that he was still in your body because you watched on in horror as he began to demonstrate some …things. Poor Yukimura would not speak again for an entire week.

#slbp #samurai love ballad party #headcanon #slbp nobunaga #slbp mitsuhide #slbp yukimura #slbp saizo #slbp masamune #slbp kojuro #slbp inuchiyo #slbp hideyoshi #slbp mitsunari #slbp ieyasu #slbp kenshin #slbp shingen #body swap #my stuff #slbp toshiie

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insecure-hbo-recaps · 7 years

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hella shook

Previously: Issa wanted to get a roster going. Molly for some reason didn't know what it was about Sterling K Brown. Dro's marriage was open. Lawrence was used as a prop for a racist threesome. He lied about it. Issa and Daniel made amends.

Issa's in traffic in her fairly new model car I might add. She is on her phone at every red light and doesn't notice that she's on E. She's wearing a black and white cookie coat, look at this:

Ees! Jesus. She stops at exactly 9:45 cents because she's poor. She finally makes it to her destination, serving up a "special delivery, sir" for Daniel. They awkwardly joke about how silly she's being and he opens the door with a smug smile. They're very attuned and cute and happy and whatnot.

Hey! They got honeycomb towers in LA too, apparently. Unless this is a scene where Molly is skyping with Quintin in Chicago, which the immediate shot of an L lets me know it is. See?

God I fucking love my city. That's the green line by the way. (If you're not familiar with Chicago, this is what I mean by "honeycomb towers":)

They're downtown near State and Kinzie, where I once went out with a professor from Boston who I thought looked like Mark Zuckerberg. (Public House is the bar there.) We watched the world series where the red sox won that year and it had been such a fun date, I was really disappointed when I never heard from him again. Oh well - in hindsight whatever I wore is probably not something I would wear now.

Molly is actually in Chicago this time, and Quintin is helping her keep the associates straight. He's wearing a tan vest and Malcolm X glasses and is it this show or somewhere else where they make jokes about a preacher body? Because good grief if I don't think of an old timey Civil Rights Movement era preacher every time I see him, lol. Molly points out there's a lot of black people at this office, and Quintin says he doesn't understand how she could work in the LA office; it reminds him of why he went to Howard.

Quintin asks whether Molly has said anything about her pay inequality but Molly hasn't. He asks why she isn't considering leaving, because their firm is not the only fish in the sea. Obviously this has never occurred to Molly. It's like she gets blinders on about certain things she thinks are acceptable or that she should want or be doing, and is incapable of considering any options outside of that. Apparently Molly is stuck in a sunken cost fallacy, which means you end up sticking out a situation that has long since expired just because you've already invested so much time into it already. Quintin encouages her to consider her options. Oh, there's the "pastor's body" joke. He really does look like a pastor.

Back in LA, Issa is getting dressed while Daniel is still in bed watching Due North. He asks whether she has plans the next night, but Issa demurs, unsure of his intentions. Daniel's body is insane.

Elsewhere, Lawrence is on a run with his coworkers, the blonde and Arpana. He won't be at work the next day because he has jury duty. Another coworker shows up and we get the exposition that they are training for a marathon. I know people hang out with their coworkers like this but I am antisocial and weird so I never do and never have, which sucks. This is how most people make friends as adults.

Molly is back home now. At her apartment, she and Issa are preparing floral arrangements for Molly's parents' vow renewal. Issa can't make it because she has a "work retreat." Daniel texts, and off the look on Issa's face, Molly inquires about it. Issa tries to play it off, but Molly knows this is not nothing. "Daniel and I have history, but we always bounce back." Molly is skeptical that either of them can do this without catching feelings, but Issa insists none of that is on her agenda right now: she has Daniel, "Neighbor Bae," and a Latino man she is going out with that night.

Meanwhile, at jury duty, Lawrence gets a text from Derek inviting him to his birthday party. Lawrence hesitates, assuming Issa will be there, but agrees to go. Bored, he scrolls through his facebook and happens across a photo from the night of the Kiss and Grind party; apparently Kelli's pic accidentallycaught Issa smiling and chatting with Daniel in the background.

Now that is a stroke of bad luck. Lawrence is so distracted by this news he barely hears them call him for briefing.

Back at the We Got Y'all offices, the supervisor is expositing that they have a director position open. Naturally the overeager white dude thinks this is his time to shine. They are going to be having a retreat Saturday morning and wants everyone to partner up. Issa looks over at Frieda who awkwardly looks away. Issa decides to brush it off, but when she whispers a joke and Frieda continues to look uncomfortable, the smile slides off Issa's face.

She follows Frieda to the breakroom, asking to talk. Frieda tensely explains that she isn't comfortable with what's happening at the school, but Issa still doesn't see a problem. This was around the time I started to think Issa was in the wrong the first time I saw this season... not because Issa is siding with bigotry but because she doesn't know better than to talk frankly about racism with whites in the workplace. That fact that Issa was so clueless as to be straightforward with a Clueless White Person on the thing that they fear most - an issue concerning race where they may be even indirectly accused of being a GASP racist - just sort of underlined for me that she was compounding a wrong instead of fixing it. "It must be nice to have the privilege to choose to be upset over this," Issa says, and the fact that she doesn't back down lets Frieda get the moral high ground.

Inglewood. Molly is at her parents' place unloading flowers for the renewal. Dro is her childhood next door neighbor and he is there to a.) celebrate Molly's parent's marriage and b.) smooth things over about basically asking her to take part in his open marriage. He asks if she never thought of him like that; "I mean yeah maybe for a minute when you had your colored contacts on," Molly says. Light skints aren't still in style anymore are they? Exoticals for men is always kind of a weird area, I think.

Molly says she's thought about it, but the marriage thing "is just not how" she sees her life. Dro is cool with that and they agree to stay friends, ribbing each other like only childhood friends can do.

Jury Duty. There's black woman who answers a question about "bias against police" by standing up to reveal her Black Lives Matter t-shirt that I'm unclear whether or not she meant it or just wanted to get out of jury duty. "Not buying it," the judge says, but the juror is dismissed. Lawrence is scrolling through Daniel's gram while all this happens.

Back at Molly's, her mom is saying something about the dollar store champagne flutes she bought, and what is with moms and dollar stores? My momma loves her some dollar store home goods. They lightly push Molly, as you do your children, about when she's getting married. Mom wants to know what's the hold up but Dad knows Molly isn't going to settle. Apparently Molly has a brother, or two brothers, or a gay brother, I'm unclear. I think one of them is famous for something or other though.

Date night. Issa shows up at a low lit ambient bar looking for Mexican bae. "Come through, Tinder," she says when she spots him. She's wearing a tight blue dress and a TWA. Mexican bae seems like he's in his late 30s. Issa's inner monologue horndogs about horchata. Bruh, rumchata is delicious. I haven't managed to buy it myself yet because that shit costs like 20$ but it tastes just like Christmas. And like, really good bread pudding. I should try to buy it at least for the holidays. Anyway, Issa is fantasizing about boning him right on the bar.

We know he's a good guy because he says isn't a martini guy and they joke about comics. I can't with how comic book lore has taken over American entertainment. I liked the Tobey Maguire Spider Mans but now there's like 18 in-universe comic book shows on TV and like four comic book movies at any given time... I honestly thought the comic book thing would have faded a long time ago by now and we'd be back to some other mythical fan lore like angels and ghosts again. (Zombie lore is still popular, and I think vampire lore is still hanging ten, so we need to go to demons or the undead or something.) They eventually move to another table, signifying that the date has lasted a few hours. The waiter brings by the check and Issa does the fake purse grab. You know, I used to adamantly refuse to do that (and the one time I was *asked* to split was by a nerdy black dude I met in a hipster dive who approached me by asking if I was latina - I must emphasize that I do not look latina whatsoever), like even pretend like I was going to pay. Now, I just offer to split. I usually never have to still, which is good, but also, I'm not poor anymore either so. My thing now is taking care to note that the waitress puts the check on the guy's side instead of in the middle - that's when I know the universe wants me to feel good about myself.

Anyway, they have had a good night and Issa is clearly thinking about asking him back to her place. But, we know he's a Good Guy because he says he can't, "but this is an excuse for us to do this again!"

Saturday morning work retreat. There's a generic snack bar set up. Issa is texting with Daniel, after canceling on him because of her date the previous night. Anyway the work team does a boring team building exercise so that the Clueless White People can make Clueless White People assumptions about the kind of trouble kids might be having at home. Issa and Frieda take a few passive aggressive jabs at each other and when it's time to pair up Frieda quickly finds someone else, leaving Issa stuck with Sujata Day. I don't know if she's supposed to be Indian in this one.

Vow Renewal. Apparently Molly decided to invite Sterling K Brown who is wearing a crazy colorful suit like only a person whose body has been altered to look good in Hollywood could do:

Molly's wig actually does look good, don't mind the screenshot. Dro and his parents show up (his dad is latino, his mom is ambiguous brown). Dro hangs around as his parents walk off and Sterling K Brown possessively wraps an arm around Molly, who introduces them. Just so you know that this is going on:

Do y'all take notice of stuff like this or no? Men, even men who are supposedly friends with each other, I find pull rank like this in front of women all the time. I was seeing a guy and one night we were hanging out with his roommate. They went outside to smoke and I tagged along. My dude and I were sharing his cigarette (I don't smoke but I find this sort of thing cute) and the other guy offered me his. My dude didn't think anything of it, but it's little shit like that that always feels like to me men are playing ego games with each other and/or always prepared to slide in the DMs of someone else's girl. (I also tend to think everyone is hitting on me, so that bias tends to reinterpret things.) But, it's the subtlety. And I think if more people paid attention they'd notice things like this more often. At any rate, Sterling K Brown is clearly glad to be there with Molly and possibly senses that Dro is a threat. They all play polite and it's only mildly awkward.

At a bar across town, Lawrence is having drinks with Derek and grilling him for information about Issa and Daniel. Ha. That's way more straightforward than he usually is when he talks to Chad. Derek says that after Tasha, he and Tiffany had to stop discussing them because they always took sides. Lawrence is preoccupied and insecure about Issa seeing Daniel now... maybe she had been seeing him the entire time? Derek says Issa is too dorky to be sneaky. "That's exactly why you wouldn't expect it," Lawrence says. He clearly is reiminaging their entire relationship and second guessing what he thought it was.

"Honestly... this ain't all on Issa," Derek says. "You spent two years unemployed, not doing shit, letting your woman take care of you. Kinda left the door open." Lawrence does that thing of rotating his jaw and accepts this silently. He tries to say it doesn't justify cheating, but Derek says he understands why she would be attracted to someone who could make things happen.

Vow renewal. Molly's brother or whatever asks "is that you?" and HA! Haven't heard that in ages. "So it's a pity date?" he asks. Molly lists off his positive qualities and how she wants to give it a shot. Her brother says just because she dates a good guy that doesn't translate into a relationship. Her brother (no, her brother's best friend) apparently is married to a stripper that trapped him. He tells Molly if she isn't feeling him she shouldn't date him. And because Molly has no understanding of what she wants out of a relationship or from men generally, this is the point where she no longer understands if she should be on a date with Sterling K Brown. He doesn't deserve this.

Bathroom. Issa calls her brother to check whether or not she might be in the wrong with the situation with Frieda. Check out this gloriously dressed fashion forward ass nigga:

Issa's brother doesn't tell her what she wants to hear so she hangs up in his face. To make herself feel better, she responds to a random sext from Neighbor Bae, sending back a nude before she gets busted by Mrs. Frizzle. Issa, at least go into the stall.

Molly is partially hosting this party, so she goes to greet a couple of great aunts. As nosy older black women, they immediately start inquiring about the delicious slice of man she chose to parade around this family event. Which... if you're not sure if you want to date a guy, don't fucking bring him to a parent-centered family event maybe. The aunts start talking about how amazing it is that Molly's parent's marriage lasted 35 years "after what he put my sister through." This is news to Molly.

Issa is texting at a red light when she misses it turn green. A "Potential Bae" sends her a dick pic and she rear ends the car in front of her. This is where I stopped being on Issa's team. No woman, no self possessed black woman, has any business being so distracted by dick she would open herself up to litigation, the loss of transportation, and unspecified auto repair. Like, I can no longer abide this level of thirst. This was when Issa went too far. Also, I spared you a screenshot of the dick pic.

Back that the renewal, Molly is grilling her brother about the state of her parents' marriage. It turns out that Dad cheated on Mom and "they worked through it." Molly seems almost more offended that her mom put up with it than her dad cheated at all. And this is the part where Yvonne Orji had to do an emotional scene. And it was so bad it threatened to diminish my enjoyment of the rest of the series so what you need to know is: 1. the acting here is really really bad, so bad I don't know how they didn't insist on more takes and/or cut away often enough so that you didn't notice how bad it was and b. Molly can't deal with the reality that there is no such thing as a fairy tale relationship. Not all relationships have cheating but a fuckton of them do, so everyone needs to just chill. Also, remind me at a later date to tell you about how I recently found out a guy I had been seeing was married and his wife had their first kid earlier this year. It was fucking horrid. (This is not an endorsement from the "All Men Cheat" school of logic as I, personally, have never been cheated on in a relationship.)

Sterling K Brown tries to console Molly but she stomps away, leaving Dro to chase after her. Bitch move. Molly's being an asshole all around. Bitch, how are you whining about relationships when you left your fucking date at a party at your parents' house to leave with another dude? Molly is way out of line here, and her behavior deserves no sympathy at all.

Issa calls Daniel to let him know she can't make it tonight because she got into a car accident. He offers to pick her up. She tries to beg off but he insists, and his caring and eagerness to help is good to see. One of the worst things about being an introverted holier than thou asshole is that whenever I need help, it always hits me really hard that I really have no one to call.

Meanwhile, this is Lawrence's Saturday night:

GOD those are the worst, lol. He sits there ruminating for awhile and finally defriends. "I don't wanna see this shit," Lawrence thinks.

Dro is driving Molly home. So... she just gone leave her car (and her date) in the interests of her thirst or what? Because I'm not buying that she's so distraught she just needed to get home despite the common decency of leaving on no notice like that. You wanted to provoke Dro's dick and we all know it. No smoothing over on this ridiculous behavior, Molly. She continues being all "distraught," and while I have to offer points for the damsel and distress routine in principle, I believe in polite society more, so be thirsty on your own time, not when it inconveniences or hurts someone else. Molly laments how she spends all her time trying to find someone like her dad only to find out their marriage is bullshit. I suppose if I had grown up in a married two parent household it would come as news to me, too, that parents can be just as ain't shit as anyone else. Still. I find this childish. Dro lends a sympathetic ear and Molly eats it up.

Daniel shows up to pick up Issa and gives her a hug in reassurance since she's just been in a car accident. Instead of abiding this silently where even if she doesn't want it she can use it to her advantage at a later date, Issa decides to be clear that Daniel knows they are not dating only each other and are both seeing other people. Issa isn't sure if she was as up front about that as she should have been the last time they slept together. Daniel reacts disappointedly in a way that telegraphs he did not know that was what they were doing. On the other hand, I feel like men pull this shit a lot and maybe it was good for him to know he isn't the only fish in her pond. Idk. On this issue I have erred toward casual probably more often than I should have, to regretful effects, so for me the jury is out on that.

Dro walks Molly to her door and her building is so lovely. Oh, it turns out Dro drove Molly's car home. That kinda makes it even more shitty that she left Sterling K Brown? When Dro goes to leave, because we must be overtly aware of the stupid and ridiculous choices they make, she pulls him back and kisses him. Then we cut to them boning a second later. Excellent sex scene. Extremely poor choice.

#insecure hbo #issa rae

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iosihexa · 7 years

Text

petals for your efforts

ao3 link

warnings: none

ship: dan / phil

wordcount: 1757

extra stuff: tiny trace of pastel dan, dreaded 2nd person POV but according to a few people i pull it off In A Manner That Is Readable, soft, high school setting (ish), i recommend reading on ao3

You catch your first glimpse of him – the real him, you think, or at least a part of him that is a little more raw – at the far end of an overground station platform. Granted, you’re perhaps a bit more than distracted given the dismal weather, everything feeling blurry and a little too bright against the glary pale grey of the clouds, but. He’s there. And he looks miserable, clutching what looks like a delicately wired flower crown with sad, wet petals between his fingers.

For a brief moment, you’re highly tempted to wax poetic about his hands, because they’re beautiful, but there are other issues at hand.

“Hey,” you begin, and wince because you absolutely did not think this through. “Dan, right? Doing alright?”

He stares back at you, hair curling slightly from the moisture – he must straighten it every day, you muse – and then promptly looks back down to his shoes. “Hello, Phil.”

The two of you aren’t really in the same friendship circles. You have been vaguely aware of Dan since the beginning of the school year, but it’s a whole new experience to see him out of uniform and wearing – well.

“That colour looks nice on you,” you comment, gesturing vaguely towards the pale pink jumper he’s wearing, and squint, leaning closer to the little design in the centre of the shirt. “Is that an egg?”

He looks at you again, and you’re satisfied to note that he looks happier now, if a little amused. “Yes. Sunny-side up, so the egg’s name has been delegated Sunny. Also, thanks,” he surveys your own attire carefully, “your, uh. Subtle selection of black clothing is pretty neat, I guess.”

A nervous laugh manages to escape you lips as you gesture towards the flower crown still grasped gently between his fingers. “Can I take that? Perhaps it’ll be good to have some colour on me for a little while. I’ll return it on Monday at school?”

He looks surprised, to say the least. You blame the general concept of toxic masculinity and also the fact that he probably thinks you are the strangest, most uncouth person to have ever interacted with him.

Nonetheless, reaches up and places the flowers in your hair, and studies you evenly. “Looking good,” he says, and winks, and you think that you like him a bit.

DAN: look im just saying but you have to get your priorities straight WATCH THE CLASSICS FIRST god I cant believe you havent even watched fmab yet PHIL: Ok, ok, but sometimes I can’t help but go into the weird obscure things my friends recommend me, you know? PHIL: like it’s not like I know any better PHIL: anyways fine!!! I’ll watch your weird animes. But you have to read that novel I recommended to you. DAN: if it’s along the same lines as a john green novel phil i swear to god i’m never trusting your recs again PHIL: hey! John green’s books aren’t that bad. romance isn’t as bad as you make it out to be. PHIL: and it’s a good book, I promise. It’s exactly the kind of hipstery thing you’d like DAN: what on earth are you insinuating DAN: ok one of the protags isn’t straight I can get behind this PHIL: I can’t believe I managed to peg your interests just like that. DAN: hey, now. PHIL: Just read it. Tell me if you cry at the end :D DAN: i wont DAN: we must discuss this book when ive finished reading on saturday

Your mother is probably extremely glad that you’re getting out of the house of your own accord to meet up with friends for once. Or just a friend. Singular. You’re not about to admit it, but you’re very ready to see Dan in soft, colourful, non-school related clothing again.

He’s sitting in the very corner of the café you agreed to meet at, hunched away over what looks like a milkshake, and you take the opportunity to admire the robin’s egg blue of his shirt, and the demeanour of calmness he seems to have cast over himself, still reading the book you lent him. It’s just starting to sprinkle as you make your way into the shop and order.

“Hello,” you say, and he looks up and his smile stretches across his face languidly, dark eyes making contact with yours – he seemed awkward with eye contact the first time you talked to him at the station those few weeks back, but now it’s fine.

You curse the existence of involuntary physical responses as you heart beats a tiny bit faster, because it’s only been a few weeks, but you do like him. You’re not in denial, just frustrated and perhaps wishing that you could have a highschool romance story like any silly romcom film you’ve watched.

“Thought you were going to abandon me, like the terrible person you are,” he says, still grinning as he pats the seat next to him. “Sit down. We have some important themes and subtextual information from within this book we need to discuss.”

He slides the novel over to you, finger tracing a few lines. “Here, see this? And,” he flips a few pages over, “this? They only talk twice in the whole book – yes, I’ve been rereading – and yet everyone is convinced they’re in love. Remind me why, again?”

You smile back, and push his hand off the book. “You’re reading into it wrong,” and from the way his gaze challenges you, you’re willing to bet you’ll have a fun discussion.

Dan leans his head back on your blanket, somehow already at ease. The late afternoon light is filtering in through the windows, casting hazy, shattered beams of sun onto the bed.

“Your room is exactly as nerdy as I thought it would be,” he laughs a bit, and reaches over to examine the cactus you have placed on your desk. “You’re absolutely the type to name your plants, aren’t you? What’s this one’s name?”

You glance over. “Alistaire the Second,” you say. He lets out his soft, quiet laugh, the one that makes you feel a little bit more intimate and as if he trusts you.

“Of course,” he mutters quietly, then stares at you, not for the first time today. “Let’s paint our nails.”

“Our- what?”

He seems almost disappointed. Almost. “My sister let me take her collection of polishes, and I figured since I’m sleeping over, we should do cliche teenager sleepover things. And, since all the stuff boys are probably supposed to do during sleepovers are a lot less interesting than, say, gossiping about dudes and painting nails, we should do this.” He looks nervous for a moment. “Unless you don’t want to. We can put on a movie whilst we do it though, that’d be cool.”

Nodding vigorously, you set up your laptop and he brings out a suspicious number of glass bottles from his bag, looking a little relieved. You examine his array of colours, laughing a little bit. “Fluorescent yellow, a dodgy shade of mauve, this awful olive colour - this is quite a selection.”

He just does his grin again, and holds up a nice, bright, RGB colour wheel-worthy shade of blue. “This one for you. Actually,” he says, pushing another few bottles forwards, “you can have a rainbow.”

You end up playing Mulan in the background (Disney never fails), and he paints each nail on your left hand a different, horribly bright colour. In turn, you paint all his nails a wobbly black, except his pinkies, which he insists are painted a nice, glossy white. He wiggles his hands in front of your face. You have the urge to lick his hand, just because it’d be gross and maybe annoy him a little bit.

“Piano hands, Philly,” he says, and you look down at your own nails, which have very wobbly jobs as well.

“Uh. Vaporwave unicorn hands, Danny,” you reply, and he does his soft laugh again. Your gut clenches, and you decide you have to tell him before you regret staying quiet for months and months.

“Listen, D-”

“Oh yeah, heck,” he interrupts, jumping off the bed. “Look here, I got you a flower crown, I nearly forgot. We don’t talk about my favour for pastel clothing much, but you seemed to like the one I gave you at the train station a few months back, so you can have this.” He’s holding out a different crown, with slightly smaller roses on it, petals stained pink and orange and looping neatly with a few small leaves. “You don’t wear enough warm colours. Look, even your room is just blues, greens, black and white.”

“Thanks, Dan,” you say, almost whisper, and slot the flowers on your head. There’s a wash of fizzling happiness that rushes over you, and then you steel your nerves, pausing the film. “Listen, Dan,” you start again, and he looks ridiculously concerned for you, a tenebrous expression that you want to wipe off his face and replace with warmth again.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, and you shake your head.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing super terrible. Although I guess it depends on how you take it, but…”

“Oh, come on, Phil, you’re not allowed to keep me in suspense like this,” he jokes, wavering.

Your brain just a one-eighty and you collapse back onto your pillow. The flower crown is dislodged slightly, flipping back and resting against the headboard. “I can’t do this,” you groan, and stretch out your hand. “Here, take it.”

“What?”

“My hand. hold it.”

Silently, he acquiesces. “Um, Phil-”

“Look,” you say, staring at the ceiling fan, watching it spin lazy circles above you, “I kind of fancy you. In, yeah, that kind of way. I don’t know, but I like you a lot, so I guess that’s that. I mean,” you mumble, beginning to ramble, “I know you’re my friend and you probably don’t- ah.” You’re cut off by Dan flopping down next to you, lacing his fingers with yours.

“It’s alright, Phil.” he says, flicking your head. “I think you’re pretty neat too,” and he gives your hand a squeeze. You think about how nice you thought his hands were when you first saw him at the station. Outside, the summery orange tint of sunset has darkened into a shadowy navy, and the sky flashes white and blue with lightning, a thunderstorm carving patterns of rain down the window. “No kissing till the third date, though,” he teases.

You can accept that.

#phanfiction #pastel dan #phan #How To Tag Fics #hexagonal words #this is really quite bad but i needed to write something because my brain loves procrastination

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insecure-hbo-the-recaps · 7 years

Text

hella shook

Previously: Issa wanted to get a roster going. Molly for some reason didn’t know what it was about Sterling K Brown. Dro’s marriage was open. Lawrence was used as a prop for a racist threesome. He lied about it. Issa and Daniel made amends.

Issa’s in traffic in her fairly new model car I might add. She is on her phone at every red light and doesn’t notice that she’s on E. She’s wearing a black and white cookie coat, look at this:

Ees! Jesus. She stops at exactly 9:45 cents because she’s poor. She finally makes it to her destination, serving up a “special delivery, sir” for Daniel. They awkwardly joke about how silly she’s being and he opens the door with a smug smile. They’re very attuned and cute and happy and whatnot.

Hey! They got honeycomb towers in LA too, apparently. Unless this is a scene where Molly is skyping with Quintin in Chicago, which the immediate shot of an L lets me know it is. See?

God I fucking love my city. That’s the green line by the way. (If you’re not familiar with Chicago, this is what I mean by “honeycomb towers”:)

They’re downtown near State and Kinzie, where I once went out with a professor from Boston who I thought looked like Mark Zuckerberg. (Public House is the bar there.) We watched the world series where the red sox won that year and it had been such a fun date, I was really disappointed when I never heard from him again. Oh well - in hindsight whatever I wore is probably not something I would wear now.

Molly is actually in Chicago this time, and Quintin is helping her keep the associates straight. He’s wearing a tan vest and Malcolm X glasses and is it this show or somewhere else where they make jokes about a preacher body? Because good grief if I don’t think of an old timey Civil Rights Movement era preacher every time I see him, lol. Molly points out there’s a lot of black people at this office, and Quintin says he doesn’t understand how she could work in the LA office; it reminds him of why he went to Howard.

Quintin asks whether Molly has said anything about her pay inequality but Molly hasn’t. He asks why she isn’t considering leaving, because their firm is not the only fish in the sea. Obviously this has never occurred to Molly. It’s like she gets blinders on about certain things she thinks are acceptable or that she should want or be doing, and is incapable of considering any options outside of that. Apparently Molly is stuck in a sunken cost fallacy, which means you end up sticking out a situation that has long since expired just because you’ve already invested so much time into it already. Quintin encouages her to consider her options. Oh, there’s the “pastor’s body” joke. He really does look like a pastor.

Back in LA, Issa is getting dressed while Daniel is still in bed watching Due North. He asks whether she has plans the next night, but Issa demurs, unsure of his intentions. Daniel’s body is insane.

Elsewhere, Lawrence is on a run with his coworkers, the blonde and Arpana. He won’t be at work the next day because he has jury duty. Another coworker shows up and we get the exposition that they are training for a marathon. I know people hang out with their coworkers like this but I am antisocial and weird so I never do and never have, which sucks. This is how most people make friends as adults.

Molly is back home now. At her apartment, she and Issa are preparing floral arrangements for Molly’s parents’ vow renewal. Issa can’t make it because she has a “work retreat.” Daniel texts, and off the look on Issa’s face, Molly inquires about it. Issa tries to play it off, but Molly knows this is not nothing. “Daniel and I have history, but we always bounce back.” Molly is skeptical that either of them can do this without catching feelings, but Issa insists none of that is on her agenda right now: she has Daniel, “Neighbor Bae,” and a Latino man she is going out with that night.

Meanwhile, at jury duty, Lawrence gets a text from Derek inviting him to his birthday party. Lawrence hesitates, assuming Issa will be there, but agrees to go. Bored, he scrolls through his facebook and happens across a photo from the night of the Kiss and Grind party; apparently Kelli’s pic accidentallycaught Issa smiling and chatting with Daniel in the background.

Now that is a stroke of bad luck. Lawrence is so distracted by this news he barely hears them call him for briefing.

She follows Frieda to the breakroom, asking to talk. Frieda tensely explains that she isn’t comfortable with what’s happening at the school, but Issa still doesn’t see a problem. This was around the time I started to think Issa was in the wrong the first time I saw this season… not because Issa is siding with bigotry but because she doesn’t know better than to talk frankly about racism with whites in the workplace. That fact that Issa was so clueless as to be straightforward with a Clueless White Person on the thing that they fear most - an issue concerning race where they may be even indirectly accused of being a GASP racist - just sort of underlined for me that she was compounding a wrong instead of fixing it. “It must be nice to have the privilege to choose to be upset over this,” Issa says, and the fact that she doesn’t back down lets Frieda get the moral high ground.

Inglewood. Molly is at her parents’ place unloading flowers for the renewal. Dro is her childhood next door neighbor and he is there to a.) celebrate Molly’s parent’s marriage and b.) smooth things over about basically asking her to take part in his open marriage. He asks if she never thought of him like that; “I mean yeah maybe for a minute when you had your colored contacts on,” Molly says. Light skints aren’t still in style anymore are they? Exoticals for men is always kind of a weird area, I think.

Molly says she’s thought about it, but the marriage thing “is just not how” she sees her life. Dro is cool with that and they agree to stay friends, ribbing each other like only childhood friends can do.

Jury Duty. There’s black woman who answers a question about “bias against police” by standing up to reveal her Black Lives Matter t-shirt that I’m unclear whether or not she meant it or just wanted to get out of jury duty. “Not buying it,” the judge says, but the juror is dismissed. Lawrence is scrolling through Daniel’s gram while all this happens.

Back at Molly’s, her mom is saying something about the dollar store champagne flutes she bought, and what is with moms and dollar stores? My momma loves her some dollar store home goods. They lightly push Molly, as you do your children, about when she’s getting married. Mom wants to know what’s the hold up but Dad knows Molly isn’t going to settle. Apparently Molly has a brother, or two brothers, or a gay brother, I’m unclear. I think one of them is famous for something or other though.

Date night. Issa shows up at a low lit ambient bar looking for Mexican bae. “Come through, Tinder,” she says when she spots him. She’s wearing a tight blue dress and a TWA. Mexican bae seems like he’s in his late 30s. Issa’s inner monologue horndogs about horchata. Bruh, rumchata is delicious. I haven’t managed to buy it myself yet because that shit costs like 20$ but it tastes just like Christmas. And like, really good bread pudding. I should try to buy it at least for the holidays. Anyway, Issa is fantasizing about boning him right on the bar.

We know he’s a good guy because he says isn’t a martini guy and they joke about comics. I can’t with how comic book lore has taken over American entertainment. I liked the Tobey Maguire Spider Mans but now there’s like 18 in-universe comic book shows on TV and like four comic book movies at any given time… I honestly thought the comic book thing would have faded a long time ago by now and we’d be back to some other mythical fan lore like angels and ghosts again. (Zombie lore is still popular, and I think vampire lore is still hanging ten, so we need to go to demons or the undead or something.) They eventually move to another table, signifying that the date has lasted a few hours. The waiter brings by the check and Issa does the fake purse grab. You know, I used to adamantly refuse to do that (and the one time I was *asked* to split was by a nerdy black dude I met in a hipster dive who approached me by asking if I was latina - I must emphasize that I do not look latina whatsoever), like even pretend like I was going to pay. Now, I just offer to split. I usually never have to still, which is good, but also, I’m not poor anymore either so. My thing now is taking care to note that the waitress puts the check on the guy’s side instead of in the middle - that’s when I know the universe wants me to feel good about myself.

Anyway, they have had a good night and Issa is clearly thinking about asking him back to her place. But, we know he’s a Good Guy because he says he can’t, “but this is an excuse for us to do this again!”

Saturday morning work retreat. There’s a generic snack bar set up. Issa is texting with Daniel, after canceling on him because of her date the previous night. Anyway the work team does a boring team building exercise so that the Clueless White People can make Clueless White People assumptions about the kind of trouble kids might be having at home. Issa and Frieda take a few passive aggressive jabs at each other and when it’s time to pair up Frieda quickly finds someone else, leaving Issa stuck with Sujata Day. I don’t know if she’s supposed to be Indian in this one.

Vow Renewal. Apparently Molly decided to invite Sterling K Brown who is wearing a crazy colorful suit like only a person whose body has been altered to look good in Hollywood could do:

Molly’s wig actually does look good, don’t mind the screenshot. Dro and his parents show up (his dad is latino, his mom is ambiguous brown). Dro hangs around as his parents walk off and Sterling K Brown possessively wraps an arm around Molly, who introduces them. Just so you know that this is going on:

Do y'all take notice of stuff like this or no? Men, even men who are supposedly friends with each other, I find pull rank like this in front of women all the time. I was seeing a guy and one night we were hanging out with his roommate. They went outside to smoke and I tagged along. My dude and I were sharing his cigarette (I don’t smoke but I find this sort of thing cute) and the other guy offered me his. My dude didn’t think anything of it, but it’s little shit like that that always feels like to me men are playing ego games with each other and/or always prepared to slide in the DMs of someone else’s girl. (I also tend to think everyone is hitting on me, so that bias tends to reinterpret things.) But, it’s the subtlety. And I think if more people paid attention they’d notice things like this more often. At any rate, Sterling K Brown is clearly glad to be there with Molly and possibly senses that Dro is a threat. They all play polite and it’s only mildly awkward.

At a bar across town, Lawrence is having drinks with Derek and grilling him for information about Issa and Daniel. Ha. That’s way more straightforward than he usually is when he talks to Chad. Derek says that after Tasha, he and Tiffany had to stop discussing them because they always took sides. Lawrence is preoccupied and insecure about Issa seeing Daniel now… maybe she had been seeing him the entire time? Derek says Issa is too dorky to be sneaky. “That’s exactly why you wouldn’t expect it,” Lawrence says. He clearly is reiminaging their entire relationship and second guessing what he thought it was.

“Honestly… this ain’t all on Issa,” Derek says. “You spent two years unemployed, not doing shit, letting your woman take care of you. Kinda left the door open.” Lawrence does that thing of rotating his jaw and accepts this silently. He tries to say it doesn’t justify cheating, but Derek says he understands why she would be attracted to someone who could make things happen.

Vow renewal. Molly’s brother or whatever asks “is that you?” and HA! Haven’t heard that in ages. “So it’s a pity date?” he asks. Molly lists off his positive qualities and how she wants to give it a shot. Her brother says just because she dates a good guy that doesn’t translate into a relationship. Her brother (no, her brother’s best friend) apparently is married to a stripper that trapped him. He tells Molly if she isn’t feeling him she shouldn’t date him. And because Molly has no understanding of what she wants out of a relationship or from men generally, this is the point where she no longer understands if she should be on a date with Sterling K Brown. He doesn’t deserve this.

Bathroom. Issa calls her brother to check whether or not she might be in the wrong with the situation with Frieda. Check out this gloriously dressed fashion forward ass nigga:

Issa’s brother doesn’t tell her what she wants to hear so she hangs up in his face. To make herself feel better, she responds to a random sext from Neighbor Bae, sending back a nude before she gets busted by Mrs. Frizzle. Issa, at least go into the stall.

Molly is partially hosting this party, so she goes to greet a couple of great aunts. As nosy older black women, they immediately start inquiring about the delicious slice of man she chose to parade around this family event. Which… if you’re not sure if you want to date a guy, don’t fucking bring him to a parent-centered family event maybe. The aunts start talking about how amazing it is that Molly’s parent’s marriage lasted 35 years “after what he put my sister through.” This is news to Molly.

Issa is texting at a red light when she misses it turn green. A “Potential Bae” sends her a dick pic and she rear ends the car in front of her. This is where I stopped being on Issa’s team. No woman, no self possessed black woman, has any business being so distracted by dick she would open herself up to litigation, the loss of transportation, and unspecified auto repair. Like, I can no longer abide this level of thirst. This was when Issa went too far. Also, I spared you a screenshot of the dick pic.

Back that the renewal, Molly is grilling her brother about the state of her parents’ marriage. It turns out that Dad cheated on Mom and “they worked through it.” Molly seems almost more offended that her mom put up with it than her dad cheated at all. And this is the part where Yvonne Orji had to do an emotional scene. And it was so bad it threatened to diminish my enjoyment of the rest of the series so what you need to know is: 1. the acting here is really really bad, so bad I don’t know how they didn’t insist on more takes and/or cut away often enough so that you didn’t notice how bad it was and b. Molly can’t deal with the reality that there is no such thing as a fairy tale relationship. Not all relationships have cheating but a fuckton of them do, so everyone needs to just chill. Also, remind me at a later date to tell you about how I recently found out a guy I had been seeing was married and his wife had their first kid earlier this year. It was fucking horrid. (This is not an endorsement from the “All Men Cheat” school of logic as I, personally, have never been cheated on in a relationship.)

Sterling K Brown tries to console Molly but she stomps away, leaving Dro to chase after her. Bitch move. Molly’s being an asshole all around. Bitch, how are you whining about relationships when you left your fucking date at a party at your parents’ house to leave with another dude? Molly is way out of line here, and her behavior deserves no sympathy at all.

Issa calls Daniel to let him know she can’t make it tonight because she got into a car accident. He offers to pick her up. She tries to beg off but he insists, and his caring and eagerness to help is good to see. One of the worst things about being an introverted holier than thou asshole is that whenever I need help, it always hits me really hard that I really have no one to call.

Meanwhile, this is Lawrence’s Saturday night:

GOD those are the worst, lol. He sits there ruminating for awhile and finally defriends. “I don’t wanna see this shit,” Lawrence thinks.

Dro is driving Molly home. So… she just gone leave her car (and her date) in the interests of her thirst or what? Because I’m not buying that she’s so distraught she just needed to get home despite the common decency of leaving on no notice like that. You wanted to provoke Dro’s dick and we all know it. No smoothing over on this ridiculous behavior, Molly. She continues being all “distraught,” and while I have to offer points for the damsel and distress routine in principle, I believe in polite society more, so be thirsty on your own time, not when it inconveniences or hurts someone else. Molly laments how she spends all her time trying to find someone like her dad only to find out their marriage is bullshit. I suppose if I had grown up in a married two parent household it would come as news to me, too, that parents can be just as ain’t shit as anyone else. Still. I find this childish. Dro lends a sympathetic ear and Molly eats it up.

Daniel shows up to pick up Issa and gives her a hug in reassurance since she’s just been in a car accident. Instead of abiding this silently where even if she doesn’t want it she can use it to her advantage at a later date, Issa decides to be clear that Daniel knows they are not dating only each other and are both seeing other people. Issa isn’t sure if she was as up front about that as she should have been the last time they slept together. Daniel reacts disappointedly in a way that telegraphs he did not know that was what they were doing. On the other hand, I feel like men pull this shit a lot and maybe it was good for him to know he isn’t the only fish in her pond. Idk. On this issue I have erred toward casual probably more often than I should have, to regretful effects, so for me the jury is out on that.

Dro walks Molly to her door and her building is so lovely. Oh, it turns out Dro drove Molly’s car home. That kinda makes it even more shitty that she left Sterling K Brown? When Dro goes to leave, because we must be overtly aware of the stupid and ridiculous choices they make, she pulls him back and kisses him. Then we cut to them boning a second later. Excellent sex scene. Extremely poor choice.

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