#it’s kinda disheartening in a way? idrk how to explain these are just a bunch of feelings

[thisismespiraling]

i think probably the worst feeling in the world is not being missed

#feelings #this isn’t anything abt anyone specific this is just a rant of weird feelings xoxoxo #i know a lot of the specifics of feeling this way have to do with my own personal experiences w people even if the feeling in general isn’t #just a me thing? but god. it’s ? so ?? not it #meaning i have a lot of Feelings surrounding. not expecting anything of people (even if i Could/should) and esp not expecting anything of #anyone that wouldn’t/shouldn’t do the thing in question #so it’s not like i’m Expecting anyone to like. miss me or whatever??? #but there’s something so……….. idk …. abt being missed (and being told you’re missed) #not that it’s a good thing bc that’s a weird thing to say but there’s something so 🥺💞💖 abt someone telling you they missed you??? yknow #bc it’s almost like . you feel like you Add something when you’re there and when you’re not there people miss you and it Feels Different #when you’re not there??? #but when people don’t notice a difference or it feels very much to you like there’s no difference or they don’t feel or act differently #it’s kinda disheartening in a way? idrk how to explain these are just a bunch of feelings #and this is in no way some kind of . oh everyone should be unhealthily attached to me and miss me all the time and wanna be with me all the #time LMFAO no . i mean in a regular oh i missed you the other day kinda way in a oh i was wondering where you were kinda way? i think #or not a we were wondering more like . oh we knew you weren’t gonna br there it’s so good to see you know #very much i am aware this has to do with my self esteem being down the drain in many areas lol i know that. i just needed to verbalize this #this isn’t because i expect people to miss me bc like i said i would never expect something from someone bc that’s just not how i roll my #expectations of people are basically on the floor bc . issues . BUT what i am saying is that i kinda wish i was missed more #that makes no sense and sounds awful but ? i wish i felt like people missed me when i’m gone from like regular situations or whatever #this is vague on purpose bc it’s not something serious or something legit it’s just jumbled feelings but #anyway if you miss or missed someone . tell them lol i’m sure it’ll make me happy to know