#it sounds weird to say the greatest romantic gesture in fiction is one not even between the two characters in love | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spaceorphan18 · 4 years

Note

Do you think Blaine loved Kurt more than Kurt loved him?

No.

Before I go into it a little deeper, and Nonny, I’m not addressing this little soapbox speech at you, I just need to say -- that this kinda shit is why the Better Boyfriend Olympics spun so out of control when the show was airing. There was this weird kind of gatekeeping (?) around what constituted a “good” boyfriend (partner, whatever) -- and when either Blaine or Kurt didn’t fit into what the other side wanted in some idyllic partner, all hell broke loose and it felt like WW3 all the time.

There’s this book called The 5 Love Languages. And while it’s a bit reductive in scope (with heavily Christian themes) the point of it is that people express and receive love in different ways -- and just because two people express things like love in different ways doesn’t mean one is better than the other.

Love is a concept that humans created to describe an emotional attachment that -- despite people trying really hard to -- can’t be singularly measured. I assume you love your Mom and your partner and your cat and you bff and Glee in entirely different ways, but you still love all those things, right? Do you sit and make a hierarchy of how that works? More so - let’s say you love chocolate cake. Do you need to make orgasmic sounds every time you enjoy yourself a piece of chocolate cake to prove you really love it?

No? So why do we place this on our fictional characters -- mostly it comes out of a twisted competition where one side needs the other to be ‘worthy’ of the other’s love and/or affection, and it’s kinda gross, tbh. And I don’t mean you can fanfic yourself a different ship -- go right ahead! And I don’t mean you can’t be unhappy that a canon couple is together -- sure! What I do mean is that don’t use your version of love expression to define whether or not someone is loving someone too much or too little.

That said - let’s talk about Kurt and Blaine and how they love. First of all, they’re both romantics. They both have idyllic ideas about how said romantic relationship works -- and because of this, this is why the relationship failed -- twice. Once when Kurt thought he could coast on his fairy tale relationship, neglecting that real relationships involve two partners willing to work through their issues, and once when Blaine thought he could magic away issues through grand romantic gestures and learned that he could be on his own without the reliance of the (false) happily ever after. But I digress.

Blaine is more outward in his expression of love. He does the grand gestures, the serenades, the over-the-top proposals -- he’s the one who says I Love You because he can’t hold it in. His heart is firmly on his sleeve most of the time. And because of that -- we see specific and explicit examples of Blaine expressing his love because of it.

Blaine also loves easily. He thought he was in love with Jeremiah after a few coffee dates, and he gave Karofsky a chance in a very short amount of time. He also formed a quick attachment to Sam. (Blaine also has a neediness and clinginess about him that is often misconstrued as examples of love - but that’s a whole other conversation.)

Because Blaine loves easily and outwardly, does that make his love for Kurt mean any more or less? Not at all -- his love for Kurt is very real and special, and shouldn’t be undermined. He’s not superficial in his love, and I think that’s the key thing here.

Meanwhile - Kurt, which is probably the heart of where this question wants to go. Kurt is almost the opposite. Kurt holds his heart close to his chest, even if he’s bad at it (see - crushes on Finn and later Blaine). But the difference between Kurt having a crush and Kurt being in love is that his love runs very, very deep and is unwavering. I should also note that Kurt doesn’t love easily -- it takes a lot for Kurt to trust anyone enough to be considered someone he loves, let alone someone he’d be in a romantic relationship where he gives out his heart.

Unlike Blaine, Kurt is not very outward with his expression of love, and what’s in his heart is a very private matter that really only he is privvy to. Think about Grilled Cheesus for a second - his dad almost dies, but he does not want the comfort of his friends around, because he feels that his relationship with is dad is sacred to them only. Letting other people in on that is hard, because that his emotions are such a private thing for him, and because he’s so used to having them be a private thing, opening up is a hard an vulnerable thing to do.

There are very few people Kurt is vicious to in the show. Kurt and Rachel, while I do believe in their friendship, can handle that kind of vicious back and forth that is one of the foundations of their relationship. But Kurt is not vicious with Blaine -- at all. (What about that one time he called Blaine psycho! -- **rolls eyes** okay that one comedically over the top argument aside, where Blaine definitely knows how to push back...I stand by what I said.) Kurt’s actually incredibly soft with Blaine more than he is with just about anyone else on the show.

When Kurt says something is precious to him -- he means it, and he wants to protect that. That is why when they broke up the first time, he’s world was so shattered. This perfect thing that meant so much to him wasn’t what he thought it was and he was very deeply bruised by it (he needed to learn the lesson, and see Blaine as a real boy - but I digress). That is why he broke it off with Blaine the second time -- because he felt like he was supposed to preserve that specialness, and didn’t want to tarnish it anyway - so running from it felt like the best choice.

That is why when he says ‘I love you;, ‘’ll always love you’, and ‘I’m never saying goodbye to you’ you can trust that he means it. There isn’t a moment on the show, since Kurt met Blaine, that Kurt didn’t love him.

Kurt isn’t going to have the big moments that Blaine has, because that’s not who he is -- but there is a ton of deeper subtext within a lot of things that makes it all the more delicious.

During Season 4 - when Rachel is talking about taking NYC by storm with their new men, and Kurt being over the break up - Kurt looks ill, cause he’s not over it, he’s still very much in love with Blaine. When he’s claiming he just wants to be friends (with benefits) there’s an underlayer there that Kurt’s heart is still very much with Blaine. During season 5 - Kurt tries, making sure he’s calling and checking in with Blaine. During season 6 - it’s that look in the elevator when Kurt’s worried that Blaine may not want him anymore, but he can’t help that he’s so deeply still in love.

(I also need to add that Kurt’s not the greatest at expressing his love, and often does so with Blaine by having sex, which leads to a whole other set of issues when Blaine withdraws from sex, which is a whole different fascinating conversation to have.)

And I could go on and on and on about how Kurt shows his love...

Eesh, I wish I was better at being focused and concise in these things. But bottom line -- Blaine and Kurt express their love in different ways -- one is more visible than the other, but it doesn’t mean that one is better or ‘more’ than the other. By the time they work their shit out at the end of the series, they’re aware of how they love each other, and are okay with that. Doesn’t mean they won’t continue have to various issues to work on, but that also doesn’t mean they love each other any less.

#that's how s.o. sees it #i promise i'm not angry - just nipping some of this in the bud #so i use old school colloquialisms whatever #also - I love talking about how Kurt loves it's so complex #Anonymous

59 notes · View notes

lxveille · 6 years

Text

compatibility

jun x reader

word count: ~ 3900 a/n: part of my three-day-weekend writing challenge/goal; speculative (/absurd) fiction of a post-potential-extinction-event society; warnings for some sex talk but no actual sex depicted

The pandemic had been your grandparents’ lifetime. Your parents were the fearful generation who grew up being told our species may never recover sustainable population numbers. Your generation is seeing the rise of the TruvNé, a biological and reproductive research company whose mission statement is to “help build healthier, tenable generations of human life.”

“You’re getting junk mail from them too?” Jeongyeon comments with clear exasperation when she spots the yellow and white striped envelope coming out of your mailbox. “I swear if I get one more letter from them about what great idea it is to do one their scans, I’m going to seriously consider setting fire to their nearest clinic.”

“There’s a number you can call to get taken off their mailing list, you know,” you tell her with a roll of your eyes as you tuck the envelope underneath a plainer looking one. You start up the steps from your mailroom to your apartment and decide now is as good a time as any to tell your friend the truth. “Besides, this one actually isn’t junk mail.”

“You’re kidding.” You can tell Jeongyeon has stopped following you without having to look back. “You actually did one of their creepy scans? When was this?”

“I don’t know, a month or so ago?” You answer, tapping your stack of mail against the handrail of the stairs as you run to look back at her. “And it wasn’t creepy. They mostly just asked a lot of questions and took some bio samples.”

“Why are you being so casual about this? You’ve basically agreed to let a whole company harass you about having kids. Don’t we get enough of that from our families already?” Jeongyeon gives a wide gesture with both hands as if pointing out the vast array of nagging comments both you were quite familiar with.

You sigh in surrender. “They pay you if you agree to do the scan and the options consultation if they find anyone compatible in their database,” you tell her, “And I was not gonna make rent last month without some kind of boost.”

“What the hell is an options consultation?” Jeonyeong crosses her arms, still scowling as if you’d done something to personally offend her.

Perhaps it wasn’t entirely uncalled for. After all, the two of you had just been at lunch with several friends, and when the topic of TruvNé’s latest ad campaign came up, you had been right there along with them trash talking the overdramatic nature of it. (Participant or not, even you could agree that the bold, red font and the deep-voiced narrator reading about how human beings are still on the endangered list was a bit much.)

“Can we please just get to my place to carry on this conversation?”

This time Jeongyeon is the one to roll her eyes. She trudges after you nevertheless.

You can only really tell her as much as the nurse told you at your appointment. That the consultations are where they introduce you to whoever they found who, genetically speaking, has a ninety-six or higher percent chance of creating an optimally healthy baby with you. And that they may not even have such a match for you yet.

“What are you gonna do if they say they do have some guy for you?” Jeongyeon questions, glancing pointedly towards the pile of mail on your table.

“I don’t know. It’s not like it has to change anything about my life. One option is to donate to some couple that’s found out the residual virus has left them incompatible to conceive with each other.”

“You sound exactly like one of their ads right now, you know?” she deadpans.

“Only because it’s true,” you decide to rely upon.

“So when are you going to open the damn things and find out if you have to go talk about ‘options’?”

“Probably when you’re not here to be all judgemental about it,” you tell her flatly.

“I just think at our age we should be exploring the world and figuring ourselves out! Not worrying about some made up reproductive responsibility to the world.”

“Jeongyeon, I promise, you’ll be the first person I tell if I decide to do anything with whatever options they give me. If they even have options for me.”

Honestly speaking, you’d been expecting an apologetic letter saying there’s currently no certain match for you. Your parents had considerable trouble even having you. You had assumed from that much that you would be in a similar position of being one of those who carried latent proviruses that made conception even more difficult than it already was.

So when your letter begins with ‘congratulations’ and details how you need to log in to their online system to arrange your consultation appointment, you’re at a loss for words.

The only reasonable thing you can think to do is text Jeongyeon.

[sent 14:23] so turns out they do have a match for me...

You sit at your table with the opened envelope and the crisp, stock-paper letter pushed to the side as you wait for a response from her.

[received 14:25] you could always not go [received 14:25] they cant force you to do anything right?

[sent 14:27] no, but i don’t get the bigger half of the payout if i don’t at least go to the consultation

[received 14:31] then go. just tell whoever it is youre not looking to actually make a baby right now and leave!!

You think of telling her about how the letter from TruvNé includes details about financial rewards for taking action after the consultation as well. But you have a feeling she’ll try to talk you out of it altogether if you include that.

The appointment ends up being confirmed for two weeks later, on a Tuesday afternoon. Jeongyeon doesn’t keep the information to herself, so you’ve begun fielding questions from your entire friend group now. Seulgi is the first to come up with the hypothetical of what you’ll do if your match is anyone you already know. You dismiss the notion is as absurd, insisting it’s highly unlikely. Hyerin latches onto the idea nevertheless and argues that the quick turnover between results and appointment must mean the mystery man is local.

Nervousness doesn’t actually hit you until you’re at the TruvNé clinic’s doorstep. You sign in with curious glances at the others sitting in the waiting room. The secretary smiles at you with a clipboard in hand when she calls your name to escort you to the consultation.

The room feels more like a therapist’s office than a doctor’s office. The walls are painted a light blue, and while the doctor sits in a professional looking dark-wood chair, you’re encouraged to take a seat on one of the well-cushioned armchairs. You wonder vaguely if there’s some psychological reason why the company abandoned their otherwise sterile, more traditionally medical appearance for this room.

“How are you feeling?” the doctor asks you, and you aren’t certain if it’s simply out of politeness or if she has some professional reason for asking.

“Okay, I guess,” you answer, glancing towards the door, “I thought I was going to be meeting...”

“We will be. Our experience is that these meetings go best when we check in with both parties as individuals before discussing options.”

“Right.” It doesn’t make much sense to you. You just want to get this obligation over with and collect the money they’re offering in exchange for hearing them out. “So... What do you need to know?”

“Have you read over the information we provided about the options that you have if you choose to move forward with the TruvNé process?” The doctor asks, smiling despite the gravity in her tone. You nod and answer that you have. “And which options seem most appealing to you at the moment?”

None, is the first answer comes to mind. It’s the answer your friends drafted for you. “I guess the donation option,” you tell her instead, shifting in the soft seat with some anxiety, “As a one-time kind of thing.”

“I see,” she nods, lips an indiscernible line. “You’re aware TruvNé offers its greatest financial reward for pairs that pursue a reproductive relationship?”

“Yeah, I saw that,” you reply, discomfort creeping up the back of your neck, “I’m not really sure what that means.”

“It can mean different things depending on the individuals involved,” the doctor answers, which does little to help. She leans forward in her chair some, putting on a soft expression you imagine is meant to be reassuring. "Some frame it simply as regular donations and utilize our services to do so without interrupting their lifestyles. Others handle it amongst themselves, drawing a distinction between romantic and reproductive partners and determining custody of their offspring separately. And some even find romantic compatibility with their matches."

“That sounds,” you pause, searching for a better word than weird, “...Kind of unconventional.”

“Humanity has gone through a lot of norms, you know,” the doctor almost laughs, “At one point in time, love marriages were unconventional. And only several generations back, our ancestors went from thinking it was weird to meet a significant other online to it being the primary way couples met. It’s always unconventional to be at the forefront of new ways. But again, you’re under no obligation to take any further options if you’re not comfortable with them.”

The doctor goes over a few other details before asking if you're ready to meet your match. When you agree, she picks up the telephone on her desk and calls to some other office to ask if he is ready as well. Next thing you know, you're walking down the hallway to another one of the consultation rooms.

You nearly turn to run when you recognize the man sitting in the armchair of this room.

"We'll give the two of you time to make introductions and discuss options privately," his doctor explains, "This is the buzzer you should use to notify us when you're ready to discuss your decisions."

You nod and stare after the doctors as they leave the room.

"So..." you begin slowly, turning to look over your match, "How's Mingyu?" Asking after your ex is the only thing you know how to do with Wen Junhui.

"He's good," he answers just as awkwardly, "He's been dating someone for about seven months now."

"Awesome," you reply dryly, not really caring all that much about Mingyu's love life ever since the messy breakup.

"So..." he repeats your earlier buffer, "TruvNé, huh?"

"Yup." You nod meaninglessly and glance around at the minimal decor of the room. "I'm just looking to get paid," you tell him hurriedly.

"Yeah, obviously, um... same," Junhui confirms, nodding with a bit more vigor than the moment called for.

"Okay," you extend the syllable, stalling for time as your process your circumstances, "Well, we could -- I mean -- it wouldn't be that big of a deal to donate. We wouldn't even have to see each other again after this. They just, you know, take what they need and..." You give a stirring motion with one hand as you fail to find an eloquent way to word it.

"True," he nods.

Neither of you says anything more for several seconds. They end up feeling like an eternity with the way the two of you are avoiding making eye contact.

"Here's the thing," Junhui starts again suddenly, leaning forward in his chair some and speaking only just above a whisper. You furrow your brow immediately at his sudden shift to a secretive manner of speaking. "If we... tell them we want to pursue a relationship, we could get paid way more. And... how are they gonna know if we actually try or not?"

"Are you suggesting we try to scam them into giving us money?"

"That, uh -- well -- I wouldn't put it like that," he stammers, clearly still flustered by this whole ordeal. Although you're beginning to sense this has been his plan all along regardless of who his match was. “It was just a suggestion, I get it if you don’t wanna bother, I mean...” he starts to ramble in what sounds to be a mix of panic and regret.

"I’m in,” you interrupt him to say. “Let’s do it.”

The doctors are delighted by your choice and take several more minutes to walk you through the paperwork together.

“Now, we won’t be able to pay your first installment until we get registered confirmation of your first attempt at conception,” one tells you matter-of-factly.

“Sorry, what?” you speak up, shooting Junhui a nervous glare before smiling back at the doctors.

The other doctor nods and pushes too small, silver and yellow boxes across the table to each of you. She explains how the sensors inside work to measure vitals and check bioIDs. The two of you are assured that it is easy and noninvasive -- just put them on prior to intercourse and the attempt will automatically be registered with Truvné’s system. “We do have rooms available at the clinic if you’re looking to receiving payment immediately.”

“I think we want to get to know each other a bit better first,” you reply quickly.

“Yeah, definitely,” chimes in Junhui, sounding just as anxious as you feel.

The doctors are very understanding.

You don’t start yelling at Junhui until the two of you are out on the sidewalk, safely away from the ears and eyes of the TruvNé staff.

“I cannot believe I let you talk me into this dumb idea! ‘How will they know?’” You paraphrase him bitterly, “God, of course I should’ve known they’d have some proof program in place! What the hell are we going to do? Huh? This was your great plan, right?”

“It actually wasn’t my idea,” Junhui admits quietly, “I swear I had no idea about these sensor things.”

You groan. “Alright, which one of Mingyu’s smartass friends thought up this mess then?”

“Jeonghan.”

You nearly scream. Instead, you let out a hiss of a sigh and run a hand through your hair in frustration. “Honestly, I should’ve known.”

It’s decided that both of you need more time to process this whole ordeal. You exchange numbers and promise to get in touch once you’re ready to sort this out.

As soon as Junhui is out of sight, you’re texting your group chat. It takes several repetitions of the facts for all of them to believe you when you say your match turned out to be one of your ex’s friends. Seulgi, of course, is taking a strange sort of pride in the fact her theory turned out correct.

But the teasings stops when you tell them about the deal you’d made and the utter loss you’re at as to how to fake a relationship when there’s sensors literally made to ensure it isn’t.

An emergency happy hour meeting is called for.

“Now, Junhui was the one who just smiled politely and mostly just murmured to his friends when we all hung out that one time, right?” Hyerin clarifies as she sets down her drink.

You nod dismally at the description.

“What if one of you handed the sensor off to the other and put it on someone you actually want to sleep with?” Seulgi suggests.

“Except TruvNé has all our genetic data and the sensors use bioIDs,” you shoot down her idea with another sip from your glass.

“Can we agree with the creepy part of this whole thing now?” Jeongyeon insists, giving you a firm look. There are a few mutters of agreement around the table. You sigh and shrug in defeat. “They haven’t paid you anything for the relationships yet, right? So why don’t you just back out?”

“I think there’s a cancellation fee once you’ve actually signed papers.”

“That’s bullshit! What happened to all their ‘no obligations’ stuff?” exclaims Jeongyeon.

“I mean, that was technically before I signed a contract saying I’d try.”

“Now, would the sensors detect if there’s a condom on?”

“Hyerin! You are not suggesting she actually has sex with him, are you?”

“It could be worse!” she defends herself in the face of Jeongyeon’s suddenly soured look. “Mingyu was a mess in bed, right? Maybe his friend will be better. It has been a while since you actually got laid, hasn’t it?”

“First of all -- let’s not bring Mingyu into this, please?” You press your fingertips into your temple. “Second, I have no idea about the condom thing but it seems like something they would’ve accounted for.”

Seulgi hums and raises one hand, mouth too full with wine for her to voice her idea yet. The three of you look at expectantly as she swallows. “What about pulling out?”

“That’s not an effective method of birth control!”

“Wait -- but if he is anything like Mingyu than he’ll only get off on oral anyway, right?” Hyerin promptly goes back to bringing your ex into this conversation, making you slump forward in your seat.

“I think I’m just gonna evaporate instead,” you mutter, “That’s starting to feel like the only viable options.”

“Wait! Let’s just approach this rationally,” Seulgi proposes urgently, placing a hand on your shoulder. You swear you hear Jeonghyeon say something under her breath, but you don’t bother putting in any effort to make it out. “Just, logically speaking, what are your options? Are you willing to pay the fee for breaking your contract off early?”

“I have no money.” You lift your head to look at Seulgi. “That’s the whole reason I went to TruvNé to begin with.”

“So what options does that leave?”

[sent 21:18] okay, Junhui. We need to talk.

You meet at a café on Friday afternoon and quickly realize neither of you are comfortable with the possibility of a barista listening in on this conversation. With coffee cups in hand, you relocate to a park bench.

“I’m not ready to take a financial loss on this,” you open with.

“Me neither. So what are we going to do about the sensors?”

“I looked a bit into how they function and I think we can trick them if we both, um...” You lose steam as the details come up, “If we both do our own thing at the same time, in a close enough location that the location services won’t pick up anything suspicious.”

Junhui blinks at you from over the rim of his cup. “You mean like, masturbating together?”

“Yeah but I don’t wanna look at you when it’s happening.”

“Okay,” he glances away from you as if it were occurring then and there.

“The other thing is, I’m not entirely sure how many details the sensor is gonna be registering on my end but, we can’t risk messing up the details. So, I’m gonna need some details from you about... sizing.”

You have never seen someone turn red quite as quickly and brightly as Junhui in that moment.

“Is that really necessary?” he asks in a nervous pitch higher than he usually speaks.

“Do you want us to get sued for trying to swindle a company?”

“It’s not like I know the exact numbers off the top of my head!” Junhui says as emphatically as he can without raising his voice above a whisper.

“Then go home and deal with it and message me them!” you insist, “It’s not like I’m raring to find out, you know. You can blame Jeonghan for this whole thing.”

Junhui runs his free hand through his hair and sighs. “Okay, don’t -- don’t yell about it,” he urges you quietly.

One week later, you show up at Junhui’s apartment with a purse full of contents you’d be mortified to show anyone at all.

“This should work,” you agree with him as the two of you look over the space between his bedroom and the attached bathroom. “So we’ll... deal with the sensors separately, and you can just give me a shout once you’ve come and we’ll be done here.”

Junhui looks you over nervously. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“I don’t know. I mean -- are you gonna...?”

You look away from him and place a hand over your eyes. “I don’t think anyone in the history of babymaking has ever cared about if the woman orgasms.”

“I’d feel better if you did,” Junhui says.

“I’ll do my best,” you try to sound sarcastic, but the heat rising in the apples of your cheeks is making it difficult to pull off.

After Junhui has climaxed (louder than you’d anticipated; the bathroom door not quite muffling as much as you hoped), you give him several minutes to clean up before unlocking the bathroom door.

“Are we bad people?” Junhui asks as your phones ding with a notification from the TruvNé app. Successful registration of an attempt at conception.

“We’re slightly less broke people, Jun,” you tell him simply.

On your walk home, you wonder when exactly you decided to start calling him by a nickname.

The next question the two of you are faced with is this: exactly how many times can you get away with this fake-intercourse before the TruvNé doctors suspect something must be wrong?

Both you decide it’s a bridge you’ll cross when you get to it.

It’s during dinner with your friends after the fifth ‘session’ -- as you and Jun have come to call them -- that you find yourself making a strange admission.

“Honestly, it’s kind of... nice?” you cave into answering their relentless questions about what the whole experience is like. “It was really awkward the first couple times, but now it’s like... kind of a low-pressure way to get off.”

“You realize you could get that same effect by masturbating without Junhui in the next room over?” Jeongyeon comments with a questioning sort of chuckle.

“Yeah, but it’s kind of more exhilarating than that,” you confess, face flushed.

“This is starting to sound like some kind of kink,” Hyerin observes.

You roll your eyes and take another bite of your meal. “Whatever. My only kink is being able to actually pay my rent.”

It would be easier to believe if not for the reaction you have to Jun’s question when you next show up at his place to register another fake copulation.

“I just was thinking...” he started, looking antsy over whatever he’s leading up to with fingers toying with the ends of his sleeves. “What if we -- well -- what if you stayed in the bedroom?”

You understand his implication immediately. Still, you fake obliviousness and ask, “You want to use the bathroom?”

A part of you is mad at yourself for finding the deepening of the blush on his skin attractive.

“N-Not exactly,” he stutters, clearly about to backpedal, “It was just an idea. It was dumb, I know. Don't worry, it’s not like we have to --”

“No -- hey, Jun, listen.” Here you hesitate, knowing you probably ought to take more time to think this one over. But something more deeply seeded inside of you has already decided upon the answer. “I’m in.”

#seventeen scenarios #jun scenarios #wen junhui scenarios #seventeen imagines #jun imagines

120 notes · View notes