#it also gave me a little gift :’) i didn’t catch the poop falling on camera lol

[flecks-of-stardust]

[image description: two images of a Northern Mockingbird perched on some branches. It is a soft grey-brown, with darker feathered wings that have a white band in the middle. Its eyes are a brilliant gold. In the first image, it is looking off to the right, one eye staring at the camera, and is somewhat hunkered down. Its body is framed by a curving twig. In the second image, it is perched higher up, rump facing the camera as it looks to the sky. There is a big fluffy white cloud in the background. end image description]

birdy :D

#big long ramble about my day so far in the tags just cause i felt like sharing #i had a rheumatology appointment today but i was Way early #arrived when the doctors had broken for lunch. the receptionist told me there was a new nature path past the parking lot #and i was like hell why not. maybe i’ll find a cool bug #i did not find many bugs but hooo there were so many birds it was amazing #this fella was the highlight #i was trying to get a picture of it through a bush cause it looked cool #but then it flapped up In Front Of Me. like less than a meter away #and i just stared wide eyed at it for like three seconds #snapped a few pictures because it posed for me for a little #it also gave me a little gift :’) i didn’t catch the poop falling on camera lol #then it flitted off back the way it came #there was also a hummingbird (anna’s hummingbird i think) #and a few others i couldn’t identify. probably a few bushtits and i think two goldfinches at least #and also some really fucking loud geese(?) that i could not find #it was nice. talking a walk here and there is so nice #i did eventually find some bugs. there was a honeybee that was getting blown across the ground by the wind #literally tumbling all the way. i scooped it onto a leaf and put it somewhere a bit less windy #and there was another in a flower that seemed a bit stronger #also there were these little solitary bee home tubes!!! didn’t see any bees come out though #and there was a cat :D #hshshshshdh it’s been nice so far #my appointment went well too #mockingbird blessing :) #if i had a nickel for every time i happened to somehow be allowed within a meter of a bird to get a super clean picture of them #i would have two nickels #which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened twice /ref #the other instance was of hatchlings too :’D god they were so round and cute #i miss them i hope they had lots of babies

[whimzea-blog]

Types of Boyfriends part 1

 This fic is inspired by the Dolans’ “Types of Boyfriends” video (a MASTERPIECE) and the movie “4th Man Out” (well one part is anyway)

“Zane, stop,” Heath hissed. “We’re gonna get kicked out.”

They were in a very upscale baby boutique in Santa Barbara, where they’d decided to go for a couple of days. Liza’s baby shower was the following weekend and they still hadn’t picked out a gift. Unfortunately, going shopping with Zane was generally a nightmare.

Zane took the tiny toddler hat off his head and put it back on the mannequin, crossing his arms and frowning. “Can we go? We can’t afford anything in here anyway.”

“Yeah, okay,” Heath sighed. Zane wasn’t wrong- Heath had just picked up a $50 bib and then immediately put it back, hoping he hadn’t gotten his germs on it.

They walked around the shopping district for another hour, ultimately deciding to buy something for Liza instead of the baby. David and Liza were wealthy as fuck and could buy their own shit for their kid. But Liza probably wouldn’t be as willing to spend money on herself, especially when she had a newborn.

Also, they had no idea what the fuck to buy for a baby.

“What about a gift certificate to that spa she's always talking about- the one in Santa Monica?” Zane suggested. “She fucking loves that place.”

“Yes,” Heath said, nodding his head rapidly. “Let’s do it. We can pick it up on our way back home. Goddamn, I’m so tired of shopping.”

“Me too,” Zane agreed. “Coffee? Then beach?”

“You read my mind.”

**

Heath slid open the glass door of their suite, marveling once again that they’d been able to find something right on the beach. They’d paid an arm and a leg, of course, but still. It was nice.

Despite living in Los Angeles, they didn’t go to the ocean very often, especially not now. They were both posting three videos a week, and had several collabs lined up for the next couple of months. Zane was still going to auditions, mostly for TV, and had actually gotten a few call-backs.

But they had decided to go away, busy schedule or not, and they’d pre-filmed some challenge videos so they didn’t have to touch their cameras at all.

It was late in the afternoon, and the perfect temperature for lounging. And luckily, it wasn’t the weekend, so the crowds weren’t too bad.

“Let’s go!” Zane called out, pushing past Heath and running towards the beach, their towels in one hand and an umbrella in the other.

Heath shook his head and smiled to himself, grabbing his bag and their cooler and following Zane towards the water.

Zane had chosen a spot where they were pretty far away from the other beach-goers. He’d set up their umbrella and laid out the towels, and was already on his back, his eyes closed.

“You better put this on before you fall asleep,” Heath advised, throwing a large tube of sunscreen on to Zane’s stomach. Zane grunted but didn’t move.

Heath rolled his eyes and took the tube, squirting a large amount on to his palm before beginning to rub it in to Zane’s chest.

Zane sighed in contentment, and Heath did his face, shoulders and belly before moving down to his legs. He made Zane flip over and covered his back and neck. 

“Heath?” Zane asked, his voice muffled by the towel.

“Yeah?”

“I’ve gotta tell you something.”

Before Heath could respond, Zane ripped a huge fart, so loud that the guys could probably hear it back in LA. And since Zane’s back had been facing Heath, Heath got the full blast. 

“You fucking asshole!” Heath yelled, falling back onto his towel as Zane cackled. The smell was horrific, so bad that Heath almost gagged.

Heath moved as far away from Zane as he could while still staying under the umbrella, thinking he deserved a bit of the silent treatment. He lathered himself up with sunscreen, but when he poked Zane so he could do his back, Zane was already asleep, an arm thrown over his eyes.

Heath sighed. Sometimes he wondered if Zane’s brain had ever progressed beyond that of a six-year-old.

Heath tried to reach around and get some sunscreen on his back, but he wasn’t very flexible and ended up getting a huge glob right in the middle of his back.

“Need some help?” a male voice asked, amused. Heath looked up.

Heath would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t find other guys attractive, other than Zane, of course. He did- it just didn’t happen very often. But now was definitely one of those times.

“Oh, um, uh...” Heath said, very eloquently he might add. Not.

The guy laughed. “Don’t worry, I don’t have some sort of weird sunscreen fetish. I’m a lifeguard,” he said, pointing down to the white cross on his red swimsuit. “This happens all the time.”

He held out his hand for the tube of sunscreen. “Here, stand up.”

Heath stood up slowly, turning so his back was facing the lifeguard. The image of the guy’s cut upper body was burned into his mind.

“So, what’s your name?” the guy asked, rubbing cream on to Heath’s neck, and then his shoulders. His hands felt amazing.

“Heath,” he answered, entirely too slowly for such an easy question.

“Cool, I’m Jesse.” His hands moved to Heath’s back, and Heath tried to think of something to say so he didn’t moan at how good it felt instead.

“So...you’re a lifeguard?” Heath asked. There you go, Heath.

“Yeah. I’m off-duty now, but I generally stay around the beach for a few hours after my shift ends. I have a lot of friends here,” Jesse explained.

Heath was about to ask another question when Zane snored so loudly that it made Heath jump.

“Who’s that?” Jesse asked, and Heath could tell he was trying not to laugh.

Heath bit his lip. He still felt uncomfortable introducing Zane as more than a friend, but Jesse seemed pretty chill.

“My boyfriend, Zane,” Heath answered, steeling himself for Jesse’s response.

“You have to share a bed with that guy? That must be rough,” Jesse laughed. “I’ve never heard a snore like that.”

"He’s not always that bad,” Heath replied, relieved that Jesse hadn’t even blinked an eye at his admission.

“I hope not,” Jesse said, running a hand one more time on Heath’s lower back before closing the lid on the tube with a snap. “And, you’re done!”

Heath turned around. God, this guy’s body. It was perfect. Every muscle perfectly defined, every inch of skin perfectly tanned. And his face, fuck. Heath had never seen a jawline like that up close. Heath felt blasphemous for thinking it, but this guy was even hotter than Todd.

Jesse was smiling, revealing perfectly white teeth. His brown eyes twinkled. He gave Heath the sunscreen, wiping his hand on his shorts before running it through his thick brown hair.

“Thanks,” Heath said finally. He hoped he wasn’t drooling.

“No problem, Heath.” Zane snored again, and Heath closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. How could Zane manage to embarrass him even when he was sleeping?

“Hey, you wanna take a walk with me? I can show you some of the cooler spots on the beach. Otherwise, I can try to find you some ear plugs,” Jesse offered, grinning.

Heath looked back at Zane. He’d be okay for a little bit, right? They didn’t have anything good to steal, and he had the hotel key in his pocket. Heath still felt a bit uneasy, but he didn’t really know why. Probably just because this guy was so fucking gorgeous.

“Sure, that sounds great.” Heath smiled at Jesse. “Lead the way.”

Heath walked with Jesse far down the beach, chatting the whole way. They actually had a lot more in common than Heath would have thought (mostly a mutual love of cooking and red trucks), and Jesse was super impressed that Heath was able to make a living from YouTube.

They met a few of Jesse’s friends along the way, and several times Heath offered to head back so Jesse could get on with his evening.

“No way. I haven’t showed you the best place yet,” Jesse winked, leading them further towards a length of steep cliffs. 

They were at the bottom of a very sketchy wooden staircase when Heath’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and gasped when he saw the time.

“Jesus, we’ve been walking for two hours. How the hell did that happen?”

“Time flies when you’re having fun,” Jesse answered breezily, giving him that utterly devastating smile.

Zane had texted him. Where are you? Come back with the room key ASAP. Left mine in room. Need to poop.

Heath grimaced. Charming.

“I gotta get back to Zane. He needs to get in the room,” Heath said with a sigh. How many of Zane’s bodily functions were going to interfere with Heath’s evening?

“Oh, that’s too bad. The view up there is incredible.” He looked genuinely disappointed.

“Well, maybe we can meet up tomorrow and try again? Then Zane could come too,” Heath offered. 

A strange look flashed across Jesse’s eyes, but when Heath blinked, it was gone, and that smile was back.

“Yeah, that would be great. I get off work at 4.” Jesse pulled out his phone. “What’s your number? I’ll text you when I’m close by.”

Heath had that uneasy feeling again, but he shook it off. Must be the heat.

Heath gave Jesse his number,  and Jesse beamed as he finished entering the contact. “I’ll text you so you have my number.”

At that very moment Heath’s phone buzzed again in his hand. 

Baby, I’mma bout to boo boo in the ocean.

“I really gotta get back. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Heath said apologetically, turning and starting to jog in the opposite direction. He cursed Zane’s bowels the entire time.

If Heath hadn’t been annoyed at Zane, this all would have been kind of funny. When Heath jogged up to Zane, gasping for air, he handed off the key to Zane who ran- nay, waddled- for dear life back to the room, like they were in a relay race at the Olympics.

Heath collapsed on to the towel, trying to catch his breath. He had nearly recovered when his phone buzzed again. 

See you tomorrow. Oh, and the drugstore down the street sells earplugs. ;)

Jesse. Heath grinned and added his contact info to his phone.

Heath wondered if Jesse would boo boo in the ocean.

Probably not.

#zeath #zeath fic