#insert that one 'my pronouns are she cause ill never be her' sound | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thou-writest-of-nothing · 5 years

Note

So since My self-insert for MHA was being developed I decided to give her a sister with a mental illness that caused her to sometimes lash out and be very abusive towards said self-insert. Yet my OC still goes to visit her at the hospital, even if she does leave crying half the time. And I was thinking what if Todoroki happened to see his crush in the same situation. When asked why she keeps visiting them, she states that, "I'm the only one who will. It's not her fault, she's just sick."

(This is really cool! Your OC sounds super cool. Maybe I’ll introduce some of mine on this blog someday. I’m sorry this took so long, I have to save writing for this blog for after homework, and usually by that time I’m too tired, so I really appreciate everyone hanging with me! Also! You used she/her pronouns in the request, so the reader in this has she/her pronouns.)

Todoroki isn’t one to really talk about his feelings. Not because he pushes them down, but rather because he doesn’t want to complicate things between them. He had gotten close with her in the past few weeks after finding out she went to see her sister in the hospital. They’d bonded over that part of things, seeing as he went to see his mom on the weekends. He noticed very quickly, however, that the content of your visits differed greatly from his.

He didn’t want to pressure you to tell him, but he couldn’t ignore the toll it was taking on you. Nearly every time he saw you afterward, your face was blotchy and your eyes were so puffy they were almost closed. He felt a throb in his chest that only worsened when he heard your voice, hoarse from crying.

One day he just can’t keep it to himself anymore. He needs to know. You two are hanging out not long after a visit, and you had stopped crying. Todoroki was a nice presence to be around, you’d long ago decided. He made you feel safe even just by sitting near him, and he was a good person. You felt okay being this vulnerable around him because you knew he’d never betray your trust.

He handed you a cold bottle of water. “Why?” He doesn’t meet your eyes when he says this.

Your throat being soothed by the drink, you find it in yourself to speak. “Why what?” Your voice is still hoarse, and you clear your throat.

He pauses for a moment like he’s trying to find the right words. “Why do you still go to see her? I can see that it hurts you like this, and you can’t lie and tell me it doesn’t. I understand that she’s family, but I don’t understand why you put yourself through this?” He looks up into your eyes, and the concern that is deeply etched into them made your chest ache, just a little.

You pressed your lips together and looked back up at the window you knew was your sister’s. “Our parents just left her here. They don’t talk about her, and they get mad when I bring her up. I’m the only one who will come and see her. It’s not her fault that she says the things she does; she’s just sick. She’s here to get better. I can’t just leave her alone.” Your gaze drifted farther upward, looking at the stars, allowing your chilled cloud of breath to drift towards oblivion.

All the while Todoroki’s eyes don’t leave your face. He watches the pained smile ghost your features as you lament your story. He understands, then, exactly what you mean. He hums and looks up at the sky with you. His hand is next to yours on the bench, and he links his pinky with yours as you ground yourself in the stars.

#bnha #bnha scenario #bnha x reader #todoroki shouto #todoroki #shouto #todoroki x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #shouto x reader

49 notes · View notes

ecassandrae · 7 years

Text

:re 129 thoughts

Skipping between mangastream translations and Jaimini’s Box’s is such a mess. Let’s just take the first page with Ayato.

In Jaiminis Box’s, it sounds like he doesn’t sense many people living there, but the material evidence proves there are. In Mangastream’s, his senses contradict the material evidence of people living there - mind that as he himself noted, his sensory abilities are not as good as Hinami’s or Miza’s. It may be irrelevant, but think about ghouls who’ve lived in the underground for so long that they’ve developed particular abilities such as concealing their presence - I swear I’m not talking about suppressing one’s Aura, though that’s a common trope in manga, and we know it’s possible thanks to Miza’s clan.

I think something like this, with Quinx, new gen Quinx, Oggai kids with two kakugans, Urie turning full ghoul, Mutsuki who’s probably been full ghoul for a while now, something so biologically absurd that makes the first biological absurdity of Kaneki look totally normal, is very possible. Not to mention the biological miracles we witness later.

However all of this is beside the point now, as there are in fact people living in the deepest dephts of the 24th ward. And to wonder what their role will be is just a question that will soon have an answer. Again in Jaimini’s box version they look quite light-haired... that may be due to the lack of exposition to sunlight, or maybe to the different raw provider, or even to Ishida’s printer. Who knows.

and for this week’s bitchy Furuta, we have....

manipulative Furuta! one of the all-time classics after “101 dalmatians style”, this week in the special extra emo edition. He’s handome but someone comb back that bangs please. And given the lenght of Takeomi’s hair, a least some months must have passed since the wedding - this is just a confirmation.

Hair colours, textures, ink trait width ... Ishida has a whole library of his to convey emotions, subtext and symbolism through drawing. Many charatcter have expressions or particular rapresentations of their own - think of mouthless Urie. And this panel here is worth of notice for how no-one’s faces but Takeomi’s are clearly visible and drawn. Furuta is a sketch, so is Mutsuki, Aura’s is covered with his hair - like pretty much always though - and the two investigators in the front are more like a frame around Yoriko, who shamefully bends her head. Everyone here is a mask, under a mask, a role, not a person.

This whole scene and situation remind me - along with the glorious times of KuroSasaki the bad cop - of an Al Jazeera documentary about the Japanese police coercive methods to force people to confess. In short they tend to threaten people into doing it. And it wouldn’t surprise if it happened with poor Yoriko here, who I don’t think ever learnt about Touka’s true nature before this moment. But for as heartbreaking as it is, Yoriko is “simply” a victim here, along with Takeomi and many others.

I surprise myself realizing I still don’t hate Mutsuki as a person. As a character, of course I love him - cause it’s “ore” this week, seriously, this pronouns thing is driving me insane -, essays could be written on him. And as person... I don’t justify but I think I partially understand why he’s doing what he’s doing.

Mutsuki is, at the very least, angry. Not simple anger, mind. Anger that mixes with jealousy and the impredictability of his psychiatric disturb, whatever it may be and that he’s not responsible for. He’s angry for his family situation with his family; he’s angry with Sasaki, obviously; he’s angry with the CCG, for how they took him in and how they channeled and hid his past - which he did too to himself -; he’s angry, in particular, with anyone’s who’s happy.

Mutsuki considers himself “disgusting and grotesque”. He hates himself but for this, thinks other hate him as well, and in particular, normal people. In the Chateau he found a family, and not despite the fact the that is was disfunctional, but because it was disfunctional. Why did some of us even started to ship him with Urie?

Because he understood him better and before anyone else could - with the exception, maybe, of Saiko. And why did he? Because the negativity he felt was just the same.

But while Urie stood up, especially after Shiragin’s death and Sasaki’s departure and evetual betrayal, Mutsuki, after the experience at Rushima with Torso, let his own natural kindness slide away, let his anger devour and mental illness him take overnbecause he realized that’s what saved him from Torso and since the days at the Chateau were gone anyway, along with Sasaki, what good was pretending that thing are as they were before?

His family was disfunctional and abusive. He erased it. His new family is now gone. He erased that too, also because afraid that they too might find out how “grotesque” he is. He bonded with Aura becuase he too is angry,, And now he’s both angry and scared with all other people and all other amilies who are still intact, wondering why and how they were so lucky while he wasn’t, while he lost two families who both, in his eyes, betrayed him. Which brings us to Takeomi and Yoriko.

Mutsuki here isn't just happy, she's giggling. She feels a not-even-guilty pleasure in seeing the tragedy that expands before his eyes. And Ishida makes her state something:

I too will fight for you.

she says in the letter, While Takeomi is angrily pushing himself towards Yoriko, while he is fighting for a family he's seeing destroyed before his eyes. And Mutsuki is, I think, both overyoyed and admired or this; she admires Takeomi for fighting for his family, she's eager to do the same for her family. While Takeomi has been put between the CCG and his personal life, she too wants that, somehow, and states openly that the letter she’s writing is pure betrayal. On the other hand, Mutsuki loves to see a family destroyed like her families were.

Mutsuki envies other people’s happiness and wonders if they could ever have the same. In this “we” I see definitely her and Urie, for she understands him and his pain, but also potentially all the others aht Chateau. She sees them as misfits, who’d never have a shot at happiness like Takeomi did, for how they were born, brought up and lived. So like she did with cats at the academy, she wants to “destroy”, be it happiness, lives or families. And she’s too blinded by her pain to see Urie’s helping hand.

Kaneki stated openly to her that he can’t go back, meaning, that their family at the Chateau cannot be restored. Urie during the wedding makes a bold statement too, but Mutsuki is even bolder, saying that she doesn’t care. Not at all. She’s lost so much sense of the situation that there is no way, legal or not, betrayal or not, that they could go back to the days of the Chateau.

To soothe this pain, Ishida inserts in the chapter also a little action, the magnificence of Tsukiyama and the awesomeness of the Zero Squad as they off-scene block little Kou, who turned out to be an Oggai, as many, me included thought he’d be, as many - me first - hoped he wouldn’t be - but I also hoped Touka wouldn’t ... nevermind, thanks Sensei.

There isn’t much to say here, or at least, I don’t have much to say. The little one’s real name is Hajime Hazuki and again, I remember savvy fans last week stating it could be him - these people are so smart it startles me. The little one’s manipulation appears to have been identical to Mutsuki’s, not to mention how Mutsuki is now the Oggai mentor, and gave him that letter. Ishida’s always put a certain highlight on orphans, human or not, from Touka and Ayato to Hinami, Mutsuki, Shirazu, Urie, and now the ghoul kids Hinami takes care of and the Oggais Furuta “had Rize bear him.” Despite being an orphan too, Kaneki’s story differs from all of these, as in his case the despair in heavily interiorized, while the firsts’ stories all have in common the risk of being manipulated, alone, unprotected. These are children who’ve been robbed of their infancy, forced to grow up to soon or too abruptly by organizations who alike manipulated them - Aogiri and the CCG -, which gave them a home but a reason for revenge so strong it excites a rage they cannot control anymore - and that some don’t want them to control.

The interesting question is: is Furuta aware of Mutsuki’s letter? Did he let him send it? Did he not but knows about it anyway? Are they working together in this or not?

Now I don’t want to toss a coin, but I’d like them not to. Mutsuki is the unpredictable piece on the chess here, for all parties, but it would damage Futura more - I want it to damage Furuta more -, and her healing, if at all possible, is only away from him.

I talked about children who are adults, and here we have adults who are in some ways, children. On the other hand, we have adults who look like children.

This panel here is just the last of a long series in which Ishida draws Kaneki looking like a child. And Touka too, but it wouldn’t be worth mentioning - graphics in manga change continuosly - if it didn’t come after this

Kaneki in fetal position. Touka acting as a mother.

And also this:

I’ll explain right away.

Since I read the chapter this morning, I’ve been wondering. Why would Touka want a child? She knows the dangers they live in right now, she knows Kaneki and how unstable he is, and though yes, he’s starting to heal, an underground town on the verge of famine is not the place to let a child be born.

I asked my mother about maternal instinct, to try and understand if Touka could want a child for that - which is a totally legit reason. She answered, as a psychology teacher, that maternal instinct exists biologically for the need of the mother to take care and protect at any costs their children - from Hinami’s mother Ryouko to a lioness -, but that it doesn’t exist, it’s a myth or a social construct in terms of how women must at a certain point want children. There’s women who don’t want and don’t have children and are fine with their lives.

So it could or couldn’t be this, Touka’s desire to be a mother. But, I wondered, in these conditions? Where there’s hardly anything to eat? Where she herself doesn’t know if Kaneki would want a child - narratively POV he probably wouldn’t, he’s trying to save the world first - or if said child could not only survive, but even be born?

I talked in another post about the biological implications of this and some contributed and said stuff way more intelligent than mine. But that is beside the point here, the point is: what is the purpose, narratively, of this baby?

The answer, in my subjective opinion, lies in the panels above: Touka wants to keep Kaneki from going off somewhere.

It is no news in this fandom to discuss whether Kaneki will or won’t live at the end of this manga. I have a a theory according to which Kaneki may sacrifice himself at the end to let other ghouls live. And what would his legacy be? A child would be perfect. But on the other hand, Touka is the one who knows his self-annihilation wishes best. Kaneki suffers of some form of depression, that much we can agree on, I think, and a depressed person doesn’t stop to wish for their own death even when they’re in love. And even if at the end Kaneki was healed and all were well, there’s still a chance he’d want to die to save whom he loves.

Touka knows this. And she wants to prevent it. If Kaneki’s at his best when trying to protect other, what about giving him someone only he can protect?

Touka loves his children and children love her. She’s like the 24 th ward babysitter, but I don’t think she wants a baby simply for that. Kuzen and Ukina’s case was completely different, they both wanted the child and both lacked self-annihilation tendencies.

This could make sense, but there’s also another issue: Kaneki’s represantion as a child. Is he the King of all ghouls or a boy needing love? Where is the line drawn? Ishida clearly states both in one scene or another. Just in this chapter, when confronting the matter of Kou, he appeared firm, decise. He burnt the letter without even opening it, thinking it’s Furuta. Who is he? How would he react to a baby? we only know how he reacts to violence and threats, sorrow and fear. I have no doubt he would love the child immensely. But what if Touka failed her biology calculations, what if human actually killed the child, or even endangered her life? Narratively, it would be just another part of the long announced tragedy.

All the while Yoriko is imprisoned, Kou has lost his childhood and Mutsuki will wait long outside the Chateau.

26 notes · View notes