#in my own body. which means im bumping into shutdowns more bc i cant dissociate like i used to but thats a dealable with thing

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#delete later #i did really well today #ive been working on my coding project and i got one section of it completely working #i fixed several errors all on my own and got the output i wanted out of it #and ive learnt how to make other parts of the code work too so it's going to be easier #its wild bc 6 months ago i had only just started learning about coding. i didn't know anything #and now im writing scripts abd solving problems all by myself #im very proud of myself. im a smart man sometimes and i can make things that work #i also just feel better in myself. i feel more like myself than i ever have. going on t is the best thing that has ever happened to me #i can see my neck getting thicker and maybe even my jaw and im hungry and eating more and im more present #in my own body. which means im bumping into shutdowns more bc i cant dissociate like i used to but thats a dealable with thing #bc today i looked in the mirror and immediately smiled at myself. and its just the beginning! #life is hard and exhausting but also joyful and exciting and the adventure is as much of a slog as it is a wonder