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inspiringwhilerespiring · 5 years

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Yall know i love this survey shit<3

1. List 5 things you want to do before the year ends.

-finish 5 books

-lose 20 lbs

-produce more art

-travel out of the state & country

-heal my heart and love myself a lil more

2. What color are your pants?

not wearing any

3. Favorite motivational quote.

damn, there’s A L O T. prob something simple and to the point. I like “proud, but never satisfied” and “the distance between your dreams and reality is called action”

4. When was the last time you drank coffee?

yesterday; got a new french press for christmas<3

5. What was the last thing you ate?

lmao the weirdest shit. hot cheetos, some hummus, and a bar

6. Favorite animal.

soo many; always been fascinated by sharks. Elephants are up there too.

7. Favorite song.

currently anything Kid Cudi - he soothes my soul

8. Last movie you watched?

National Lampoon family vacation I think?

9. Any turn ons?

of course; im one of those gay people who gets turned on by having an emotional connection first and foremost; but if were strictly talking physical shit - any neck action is sexy af. or just taking breaks to make eye contact.

10. Any turn offs?

bad breath lol and just being a dick in general or inconsiderate

11. List 4 big words off of the top of your head.

cognizant; superfluous; compelling; anguished

12. What are some meaningful movies?

First ones that come to my mind that left an impact or a meaningful message are Shawshank Redemption, Avatar, Wall-E (lol), Forest Gump

13. 2 most important people in your life right now?

Myself honestly

14. What are 3 things you want to do before the month ends?

Find a desk, order a blender, and form a morning routine

15. When was the last time you read a good book?

Currently reading Michelle Obama’s -Becoming; before that I read the Alchemist and it was good

16. How long do you study for usually, if you study?

I don’t

17. Do you have any nicknames?

Pollo, Hayls

18. Favorite kind of perfume? (fruity, alluring, etc.)

Viva la Juicy, but honestly all of them - been sticking to essential oils or all natural shit lately - anything with Amber is good.

19. Do you have any international friends / friends who live out of state?

yes<3

20. What is something unique that you do every single day?

lol shower? I dont really do anything special i dont think?

21. If there was a movie based on your life, what would it be called?

“Becoming” lol because I feel like I am always growing and changing and adapting and learning and ill never just be one thing

22. When was the last time you bought a gift for someone?

Recently - christmas time

23. Are you a shopaholic?

no - but i just got an amazon prime account and thats game changer fa real

24. What are some songs that always make you feel better?

Love - Kid Cudi,

25. List 3 activities that you can only enjoy by yourself.

Sitting in the tub (otherwise that shit is too crowded lmao)

Reading a good book

Masturbating prob?

26. If you could live in any biome (and survive) which biome would you live in?

Tropical island

27. How do you like being roused in the morning?

cuddles and soft music (prob reggae) and if i aint got shit to do a bluntttt fam

28. How was your day? What did you do?

it was ok - fighting some inner demons lately and feeling really low :/ but i got a little bit done so im giving myself a break

29. What did your last text message say?

“bye”

30. Do you respond to texts quickly?

depends on who it is lol

31. Who was the last person you called?

my mom

32. List 5 things that are on your wish list.

i wanna learn another language

I wish to be able to see more things change for the better in our world

i wish to skydive

i wish to live in another country for a while

and i wish to love myself

33. If you were famous, what do you think you would be famous for?

maybe being a host of a talk show lol

34. Winter or summer?

both

35. What is a quality that all people should have?

empathy

36. If you could have a large collection of one item, what would that item be?

my inner white girl and materialistic ass says shoes - but idk i think it would also be cool to have a collection of books or photographs - ya know that sentimental shit i be on

37. What have you been thinking about lately?

wow so much - a lot of reflecting honestly about who i have been and how i’ve treated others and how i am trying to change myself - so ironically enough, i’ve also been thinking about the future and trying to focus on who i want to be and where i want to be

38. What is the secret to a happy life?

taking it day by day im sure

39. What are some phrases you say often?

“nice” lol to my clients a lot

40. Favorite food?

lately its been asian - like thai and vietnamese. fuck now i want some dumplings and curry and egg rollllz

41. List 3 wishes.

already fuckin diiiiiddd fam

42. What are some of your greatest fears?

memory loss, dying, losing others

43. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?

idk whats app prob

44. Most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)?

machu picchu

45. Spicy food:Like or dislike?

LOVE

46. Scary movies:Like or dislike?

Depends

47. Do you like to travel?

Do you know me lol

48. Any regrets?

yeah always, but i try to live my life without any and honestly id never go back and change em

49. Do you like rain?

obsessed; fav weather actually

50. What do you spend most of your money on?

food

51. Would you rather visit the past or the future?

past bc im a sentimental person; future is exciting and i like surprises and the unknown and dreaming about that shit - id rather not know.

52. Favorite clothing store?

depends - urban outfitters is my style but i like goodwill just as much

53. What is the best advice you can give to those who are feeling down?

this too shall pass

54. How often do you think about your future? Does it scare you?

honestly not often enough, i try not to over think things or it tends to give me anxiety. why worry about things that are far out of our control? I just take shit day by day

55. What angers you the most?

ignorance. and rude ass people. when someone isnt being genuine

56. When was the last time you got majorly angry?

yesterday

57. When was the last time you got really sad?

today

58. Are you good at lying?

im sure everyone is to some degree

59. What foreign language would you like to learn?

spanish

60. How many languages can you speak and what are they?

just one - semi fluent in spanish

61. How often do you go to parties? If you don’t, what do you do instead?

lol

62. What books do you plan to read this year?

not sure! I have a couple but we shall see

63. Do you have breakfast every morning?

yes i try to - its my fav meal

64. Tell us a secret.

then it wouldnt be a secret

65. How many concerts have you been to?

a few

66. Last hug?

wasnt long enough

67. Who knows you better than anyone else?

myself

68. Baths or showers?

ooooooh damn, depends

69. Do you think you’re ambitious?

i could be a little more

70. What song is stuck in your head?

lmaooo wake up in the sky by gucci mane and bruno - thats been my shit lately

71. Countries you’ve visited?

Peru, Canada, Mexico, Costa Rica, Jamaica, Caymans, Philippines

72. What do you most value in your friends?

Communication and laughter

73. What helps you to sleep better?

putting my got dang phone away from me

74. What is the most money you have ever held in your hand?

prob like 2 grand or some shit

75. What makes you nervous?

when i over book myself or take too much on and have a lot on my plate - so time management i suppose

76. What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

to live in the present moment; and to take care of myself

77. Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive for sure - i dont really ever forget

78. First mobile phone?

ayyy a flip phone and it was see thru and lit up and had a walkie talkie!

79. Strangest dream?

lmao ew no im so ashamed

80. Best dream?

flying or something

81. Who is the smartest person you know?

my grandpa it seems

82. Who is the prettiest person on tumblr?

idk

83. Do you miss anyone right now?

very much, always

84. Who do you love? Why?

everyone, because life is too damn short for hate

85. Do you like sharing?

yeah lol bc i expect ppl to share w me in return

86. What was the last picture you took with your phone?

idk actually

87. Is there a reason behind everything that happens?

yeah id like to think so

88. Favorite genre of music?

i was raised on hip hop so i feel like that is my go to but honestly i love reggae, alternative, a lil bit of electro chill shit, R&B, oldies, jazz, anything

89. If you had one word to describe yourself, what would it be?

Understanding

90. Describe your life in 5 words.

roller coaster. fun. emotional. loving. growth.

91. Describe the world in 4 words.

crazy. beautiful. strong. vast.

92. Craziest thing you’ve ever done?

skinny dip?

93. First three songs in your favorite playlist?

cocaine model - zhu

is this love - bob marley

tadow - masego

94. Are you more creative or logical?

def without a doubt 100% creative/emotional/empath/sensative/does things based on feelings rather than reason type person lmao

95. Would you rather lie or hurt someone with the truth?

truth always

96. What are you most proud of?

my ability to communicate and understand people

97. What personality trait do you admire in other people?

strength/humility

98. When you imagine yourself as really, really relaxed and happy, what are you doing?

smoking a fat ass blunt doing yoga on a sunny day while its 68 degrees out and im on a beach

#survey #ask me anything #ask #questionaire #questions #haylee #get to know me

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wanderinguterus1 · 3 years

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Economy Class

“Deserve is a bullshit term. None of us deserves anything. We get what we get.” -Brit Bennett

I once read an article in which a researcher detailed a human behavioral study conducted on airplanes - particularly, among economy class passengers. On some planes, economy class passengers have to pass through the first class area before getting to their (inferior) seats. The study found that on these planes, negative behaviors increased. For example, arguing with flight attendants and fighting with other passengers - all significantly higher in economy class if first class seats were present. The researcher landed on this theory: seeing first class patrons - with their roomy seats, individual arm rests, and ample leg room - made economy class passengers like they were being treated unfairly. In other words, when people are forced to witness drastic inequality, their mindset shifts in a negative direction.

Teaching in a private school, I am often reminded of that article. A few days ago, after third period, I made my way around the classroom, sanitizing the students’ desks. In the beginning of the year, I delegated this job to students, but over time, I realized doing it myself was easier than overseeing reckless 14-year-olds with sanitizer bottles, fearing they would spray a friend in the face or drop the sanitizer on someone’s computer. The label on the bottle warned: “Attention: Can Cause Blindness.” I decided not to take my chances with teenage boys.

I had an hour until my next class arrived, so I sat down at my computer and began flipping through quizzes and recording grades. The soft tapping of the keyboard drastically contrasted with the sounds of hyper ninth graders who had filled the room a few minutes ago. I was enjoying the silence when a former student came by to visit.

“Hi Ariel!”

“Hi Ms. Long.”

Since I had taught her as an 8th grader, I remembered her as a tiny, overly nervous 13- year-old. Now a senior, Ariel moved with confidence, sitting in the desk to my right and straightening the quizzes I had graded and discarded haphazardly.

“Are these To Kill a Mockingbird quizzes?” she asked, looking over the students’ answers.

“Yes.”

“I hated that book.”

I shook my head and sighed. Pulling my mask down to take a quick sip of coffee, I resisted the urge to rebuke her for her bad taste.

“My sister got into Yale,” she announced.

“That’s awesome,” I responded tentatively. Ariel, an average student, had a genius sister. I wondered how Ariel felt about her sister’s acceptance into the Ivy league, although it couldn’t have been too unexpected. Caitlin had been winning academic awards since she was in middle school and had spent the previous summer shadowing a world-renowned journalist.

“Yeah, and I got a full ride to FSU.”

“Wow! I’m so proud of you! I bet your parents are so happy!”

“Yeah, but since it’s not really fair that they don’t have to pay for my college, and Caitlin’s tuition is like 40 thousand a year, they are going to give me the equivalent of that in cash every year to make it even.”

I stared at her, wondering if I had actually heard her correctly. And wishing someone had taught her to “read the room.” Did she just imply the injustice of a full ride? And admit that her parents would be giving her, an 18-year old, forty thousand dollars in cash? To make things FAIR?

Obliviously, she continued, “I’ll probably be able to buy a house as soon as I graduate college.”

Suddenly, I had a realization: being a teacher in a private school was like sitting in the first row of economy class with the first class section in clear view. Every day. For eternity.

I’m not jealous because I want a bigger house or a nicer car or a boat; I just want a baby. One baby. Forty-something thousand dollars stands in the way of my husband and I adopting or trying IVF, but here sits an 18 year-old who will be gifted that amount of money each year for the next four years of her life. She would be able to buy four babies by the time she's 21.

I think of money in terms of babies now. For example, I heard that a Pokemon card sold on eBay yesterday for 500,000 dollars. Instead of dollars, I imagined that Japanese cartoon character being traded for twelve and a half babies.

Don't get me wrong; I understand that compared to so many, I lead a privileged life. I come from a two-parent, middle class home, and I’ve never known what it’s like to suffer from racial discrimination. If I lived in a less developed country, I would be comparing myself to very different types of people: women who sit outside for hours every day, rain or shine, selling vegetables for next to nothing; taxi drivers who work seven days a week, twelve hours a day, just to be able to feed their families. These people don't spend time writing autobiographical essays about how flawed the system is. Even though I understand these truths, I can't help but feel, at times, that I've been shafted.

Two years ago, I lay naked save for the papery hospital gown, in a cold pre-operation room. Hooked up to an IV, I waited on my doctor to arrive and remove the twelve fibroid tumors he had found during my ultrasound. Luis stood by the bed, holding my hand and telling me about the infamous Star Wars holiday special of 1978 in an effort to distract me.

“It actually had Wookie porn in it. Wookie porn. What were they thinking? Chewbacca’s father just groans for like ten minutes straight. It's known as one of the worst films to ever air on television.”

The surgery, an abdominal myomectomy, consisted of cutting open the abdomen in order to remove the tumors. After a year of trying to have a baby and failing, this was our first expensive problem-solving attempt.

On the other side of the curtain, a nurse greeted her patient. “Good morning! What are we having today?”

The voice of a man replied, “It’s a girl.”

“How exciting, is it your first?”

“No,” his female counterpart answered with a chuckle.

I tried to focus on Luis’s Star Wars story, but I kept thinking about the happy couple, leaving later that day with their brand new baby girl all wrapped up in her soft, pink blanket, smelling like cookies after they’ve been dipped in milk. I would leave with nothing but a cleaner uterus and a fat hospital bill.

Moments later, a surgeon arrived, nodded his head to us and continued to the other side of the curtain. I heard him ask, “Ok, so C-section and tubal ligation today, right?”

I almost laughed out loud. So my body was about to be cut open to make it a welcoming home for a fetus while my roommate’s doctor would be rearranging her organs to do the opposite.

I hear the sounds of a table wheeling around and the clanking of instruments. “Do you have a name picked out?”

“Yes, her name is going to be Seven.”

“That’s unique.”

“Well, she’s number seven. I have had six kids in ten years. So yeah, I'm ready to get the tubes tied.”

I looked at Luis indignantly. Seven children in ten years!? I'd been diligently tracking my temperature in order to perfectly time our “lovemaking,” doing headstands after sex, and eating vegan cheese, and this girl is popping out babies every other year. How can two women’s bodies be so utterly different? Luis widened his eyes as if to say, “Well? Do you really want seven children?”

My husband had a way of reframing any depressing situation. When we visited friends who lived in houses much nicer and more expensive than ours, he said things like, “I didn't really like their shower head,” or “I wouldn’t want to live that far away from the city.” Whereas I was seriously considering asking my hospital roommate if she wanted someone to take Seven off her hands, he was probably just thanking the universe that he wasn’t going home this afternoon to a house full of seven kids. On a plane, he would probably find a way to prefer his tiny, middle seat in the back row near the bathrooms to the luxurious first class experience. “Economy people are more friendly than rich people,” he might say.

Before the surgery, I had asked the doctor multiple times how long I would be in recovery, but he would only respond with, “Everyone is different.”

Well, in my mind that translated to two or three days of bedrest, because I rarely use more than three sick days in a school year. Unfortunately, my superior immune system had nothing to do with post-surgery pain, and for seven days afterwards, I was confined to the couch, unable to stand up straight or move more than a few feet without stopping, and in serious pain when my abs contracted. Any time I sneezed, coughed, or tried to flip myself over, it felt like someone was using a straight razor to open my stomach as if it were an Amazon box.

After an entire week of lying on the couch and taking opioids every five hours, I went back to work, still a bit hunched over and rather pale. And on the eighth day, I had to go back to the doctor for a post-op appointment so the bandage could be removed and the healing process be judged.

The bandage - about six inches wide five inches thick, had been placed right on my underwear line. I had already tried to remove it a little myself, just out of curiosity, but I didn’t get very far because it felt like it had been super-glued to the most sensitive area of my body. No one had warned me to shave completely before surgery.

In the car on the way to the appointment, I worried about the removal process and, not wanting to experience more pain, asked Luis, “The doctor probably has something to put on this to make it come off easily, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know,” he said, sounding doubtful. This should have been a signal to me. Luis, being a man, knows how men think. He knew, but didn’t want to break it to me, that there was no way a doctor has ever concerned himself with how painful a bandage removal process would be.

Choosing to be naively optimistic, I decided to trust in the kindness of medical professionals; surely they wouldn’t put me through more pain after so recently having had my abdomen cut open. However, once I was lying on the examination table, naked from the waist down, feet up in the stirrups, doubts started to creep in. As the now familiar ultrasound wand moved around inside my body, Dr. Edwards crowed on about how clear and devoid of fibroids my uterus looked.

Ok, surgery was successful, fibroids are gone, good job, thank you, now please get this thing out of me. When the ultrasound finally ended, he asked, “Do you want to remove the bandage or do you want me to?”

I hesitated, because that question implied that there was no procedure involved... that any random Joe off the street could just stroll in with normal people hands and just rip off this thing with no training whatsoever. My wheels were turning... So... you aren’t going to like, put some kind of magic lotion on me first?

Unfortunately, magic lotion only existed in my fantasies. In reality, surgery proved just a portion of the pain I would endure before it was actually over.

I began to remove the bandage, deciding I would rather be my own executioner. I picked the top part until my fingernails could get underneath, and started to tug. The skin rose as I pulled- it had been eight days since its placement and the glue didn't seem to have weakened at all. How was that possible? If humans are smart enough to design SuperBandage, aren’t we also advanced enough to create anti-adhesive?

When I got to the lower half of the bandage, which was on top of hair, things went downhill quickly. Removing it felt like getting a bikini wax - which I’ve only tried once and chickened out halfway through.

Eventually, I conceded. I couldn’t willingly put myself through the torture. “Can I just do it later, at home? In the bathtub?” I pleaded.

The doctor gave me a puzzled look, as if he didn’t understand the question. “I need to see if your scar is healing.”

“I’ll send you a picture. I swear.”

He chuckled, but I wasn’t kidding. I have never hated anyone more than I hated him in that moment. I bet he had never endured a bikini wax. He probably winced when his wife plucked his eyebrows. I made a mental note to give him a horrible Yelp review.

I refused to continue, so Dr. Edwards took over: he pulled and the nurse pushed the skin down as he went across - yes, pushing right below my stitches. I have never felt such excruciating pain in my entire life; it was like being stabbed with a hundred tiny needles on a part of my body that was only meant to be touched with loving hands. At one point, I instinctively grabbed the doctor’s arm, forcing him to stop. Staring at the bandage, which was only halfway removed, I cursed all men, including Luis. Why didn’t anyone tell me to shave? Why didn’t they give me anesthesia for this?

When the torture finally ended, Dr. Edwards looked at me with amusement in his eyes, and asked, “You ok?” as if I had been overly dramatic. I decided that I would never, ever, forgive him. Public Service Announcement for Women: Shave before any abdominal surgeries. And never settle for a male doctor if a female one is available.

I often wondered why I was putting myself though so much pain to bring a new life into the world. Was the desire to have children an evolutionary curse? Growing up, I never questioned whether or not it would happen because that’s what women are meant to do, right? What is a woman if not a mother? At least that’s what all the women I knew growing up led me to believe. Receiving the hospital bill in the mail a few weeks later prompted me to further question this desire. If I hadn’t cared about being a mother, Luis and I could have used the surgery money to take a trip to our dream destination - South Africa - flying first class.

Sometimes, when I’m lying naked from the waist down with my feet in stirrups, I think about my early 30s, when eggs and fertile windows were blissfully far from my mind. Unfettered by thoughts of motherhood, I concerned myself with traveling as much as possible.

Reading Walden had convinced me that staring at a computer screen all day was no way to live. Thoreau had inspired me to work with my hands, to get outside, to “suck the marrow” out of life. So after six years of teaching, I quit my job and departed alone on a plane to New Zealand. Although I had never even set foot on a farm before, I planned to volunteer on various organic farms as a way to connect with the natural world. The research I had conducted for this adventure amounted to about one hour’s worth of googling.

Since I had lived in a country where I didn’t speak nor read the language for three years, I craved traveling without a language barrier. My inferior sense of direction often weakened my resolve for adventure, so I needed a place where, at the very least, I could read the street signs. My first stop was a dairy farm in Opotiki. I pronounced this as if the last two syllables were “tea- key” as in tiki bar. The bus driver couldn’t understand me; he said he had never heard of such a place.

After some discussion and help from the internet, he dropped me off at the bus stop in “Ah-PO-Tah-key,” where a 20-something-year-old French guy named Clement stood smoking a cigarette. He had been sent by the dairy farmer to pick me up and seemed bored by the task.

Getting off of the bus, I must have looked a bit like Elle Woods showing up for her first day at Harvard. I wore skinny jeans, pink Uggs, and a tie-dyed sweatshirt. Clement had on overalls smeared with a brown substance, work boots, and a look that said, “You have no idea what you are getting yourself into.”

“Hi!” I exclaimed, eager to make a companion after a long solo flight and bus ride.

Clement lifted his chin in greeting and pointed to an old, faded black Honda Civic.

I stuffed my backpack into the trunk, and headed for the passenger seat, after an awkward moment with Clement in which I realized that the right side of the car was actually the driver’s side.

Undeterred by Clement’s apathy towards me, I asked, “How has it been, working on the farm?”

“Lot of cow sheet,” he responded, in a thick French accent.

He then reached for the radio and turned the music up to a decibel that prevented me from responding. Maybe my expectations for companionship had been a bit high.

The drive to the farm consisted of Clement driving about 20 miles over the speed limit on tiny, winding dirt roads, and me closing my eyes and holding tightly to the sides of my seat with both hands. At some point, I felt the urge to vomit, but I just laid my head back and practiced yoga breathing. Clement did not seem to notice.

By some miracle, we arrived at the farm without incident, where I met John, an older man who owned a little red house on seven acres. He explained that Clement and I would be sharing the spare room, meant for volunteers, and he showed me where my overalls and work boots rested.

“Be ready to go at four a.m. I’ll have yogurt and granola ready for breakfast,” he said, handing me an empty water canteen. “Tonight, before you go to sleep, you need to fill this with boiling water and put it under your blankets. It's going to get cold in your room.”

Cold didn’t adequately describe the sleeping quarters. Until it was time for bed, Clement, John and I had been lounging in the cozy, carpeted living room near the fireplace. However, around nine pm, when we moved to the back bedrooms, the wood floors felt like ice on my bare feet. I retrieved a sweatshirt, a scarf, a pair of gloves, and two pairs of socks from my suitcase and put them all on. The temperature must have been around forty degrees, because I could actually see my breath in the darkness. Sleeping proved difficult; every hour, I put on another piece of clothing from my suitcase, eventually looking like the pigeon lady in Home Alone. The canteen was only big enough to heat up one body part and remained warm for just half the night. Throughout all of my tossing, turning, and the unzipping and zipping of my backpack, Clement slept peacefully in normal pajamas. At four a.m., when the rooster started crowing, I wanted to weep. I yearned for my warm Tel Aviv apartment, central heating, and my teaching job, which suddenly felt like a white collar position.

I snuggled deeper into my bed, hoping to enjoy the blankets for a few more minutes, until I saw Clement pop out of bed and don his overalls. Refusing to be the weakling that he probably expected me to be, I followed his lead.

“Did you bring a hat?” John asked, when I entered the kitchen.

“No. Why?” I asked, thinking if I had a hat, I probably would have worn it to bed last night.

“Some of the cows have lice and you could catch it.”

I eagerly accepted the hat John proffered.

Clement and I ate our yogurt in silence - not surprising for him, but I was just too cold and tired to care.

John led us to the barn after breakfast, where we would be milking the cows. When I walked through the doors, my hand instinctively covered my nose: the smell - similar to a Port- O-Potty at the end of a crowded, weekend-long music festival - attacked me. John and Clement, unaffected by the stench, chuckled at my reaction.

“Better than the smell of cars in the city,” John said, smiling.

I wasn’t convinced.

Now it was time to learn how to milk a cow. In my imaginings of this moment, I would sit on a cute step stool, a sweet little cow would trot up to me, and I would gently tug on her teats, squirting milk into a tin bucket below. I would repeat this a few times, and a day’s work would be done.

In reality, John owned about 200 cows. The barn housed 50 stalls into which the first herd of cows were guided; each stood so that her butt faced into the shed. John handed me one of many thick, black hoses that hung from the ceiling. At the end of the hose was a steel device with four suction cups; I needed to attach the suction cups to the cow’s teats. The three of us would walk up and down the stalls, eventually connecting the suction cups to all fifty cows, and then John would turn on the machine.

For the first set of cows, this went pretty smoothly; according to John, these were the “old gals” who were used to the process. But when the younger cows were led into the stalls, they seemed less than thrilled. I watched in horror as one of them furiously kicked her hind legs, trying to escape the suction cups. John ran over to her, adeptly tying each of her legs to the stall. What happened next was both horrifying and impressive. I remember learning about how vultures can vomit on demand; it's one of their defenses when threatened. Well, apparently cows have a similar skillset. The moment John finished tying up the second leg, that cow shot projectile diarrhea right onto his chest.

I managed to get through the morning milking - which took two hours total - without trauma. I felt victorious but exhausted; I longed to go inside and take a nap.

“Meet me back out here at noon,” John said, after the barn had been cleaned.

I wondered why we would need to come back to the barn so soon. Clement delighted in informing me that the cows were milked twice a day.

Eventually, Clement, John and I fell into a routine, and for two whole weeks, I milked cows (twice a day) without contracting lice or getting kicked in the face. I even learned some tricks for sleeping in 40 degree temperatures, like taking a scalding hot shower right before bedtime, throwing on clothes as quickly as possible, then running straight to the bed, where I had previously placed the hot water canteen.

When I look back on my New Zealand adventure, I marvel at my resilience. How I just trudged out to the barn in those big rubber work boots at four a.m. and kept talking to Clement even though he only responded in grunts. And even though I’m older now, and slightly less malleable, I’m still managing. Every day I go to school and greet those first class passengers without displaying any “negative behaviors.” (I still welcome Ariel when she comes to visit me.) And I’m going to keep tracking my ovulation and putting away money for adoption, at least for another two or three years. And if we are relegated to fly in economy class on a plane full of first class passengers for the rest of our lives, at least Luis will be there to remind me that first class isn’t all that great anyway.

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originalmemorieshere · 4 years

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The New Normal

Right now the whole world is in chaos, literally from one end of the spectrum to another in more ways than one could probably have imagined even a couple months ago. Are we going to have a new normal?

People have lamented about the cesspool that our Country has become over the past dozen years or so. Things have gotten a little better in the past couple years, but the damage done to society has marred our hopes of ever getting America back to the way (we wish) it had been.

When it became okay to be disrespectful to those in authority, be it a parent, teacher, or our law officers, we had to see the writing on the wall. I first posted back in 2014 about a 13 year old girl who did not say the Pledge during summer camp because she “didn’t feel like it.” I didn’t allow that in my class and I demanded that she stand, place her hand on her heart, and say the Pledge. I had the whole class repeat it one more time. If more adults took that kind of stance, giving children guidance, we may not be in the shape we are now.

When I first read about the police officers getting assaulted, I was sickened. I have a couple of brothers who were in law enforcement and the thought that people out there could have possibly thought of them as someone to attack just because, it really bothered me a lot.

There was a time when I had to shake my head in disbelief when I read that a student wearing a shirt with an American flag on it was told to turn it inside out because it offended the illegal aliens at the school. Each time I read about the injustices against Americans on behalf of those illegally in our Country, I can feel my ancestors cry out from the grave. There are ways to go about entering and becoming a citizen of our land, and the laws should not be ignored.

I didn’t even know what “woke” was. I’m not sure how this could even be a thing, but the young people seem to think it’s important to feel more woke than the next person. Personally, I feel that the younger generation is so unaware of the real world and how things are, they will really be in for a rude awakening one day. They need to wake up and stop all the foolishness.

Yes, I am a woman, but that does not make me a victim. I do not own that privilege, albatross, or whatever society has come to decide it is today. I am a woman and I don’t get special treatment for it, nor am I held back from anything I want to do because of it. Sure, I have had bad things happen to me that may not have happened to a random man, but men have had things happen to them as well.

When everyone I knew first started talking about the Covid-19 virus, it was the Wuhan virus and not too many people in my circles were concerned that people in China were getting sick and some dying from this mutating virus. Why weren’t we worried? Because it was not happening right in our faces. It was a television or computer screen away, that buffer allowing us ignore it for a while. Until.

I first felt a twinge of fear when I watched the Presidential Address back in February. When President Trump talked about it, it was still continents away, yet it made me start to think. I really hoped/thought that in a first world country like the United States, our brightest minds would come up with something to kick this out quickly. This wasn’t 1980′s AIDS we were talking about. It was just a virus. But, I had read Stephen King’s The Stand back in 1980 and Captain Trips was what it seemed akin to in my mind. The fear might be real.

It wasn’t long before we read about or watched the videos of people being kept aboard a cruise ship in quarantine. Learning that the elderly in Washington state were getting ill and some dying made some of us older people get a little antsy. If it happened to them, what might happen to us? I heard folks say that there was a plot to eradicate the old people and those vulnerable to illness. It was a way to wipe the slate clean. The retirement accounts of the older generation are being sucked dry on a daily basis, thousands of dollars draining from the accounts. Of course I didn’t believe that, but the conspiracy theories trickled down.

There is no vaccine for this. People can’t even get tested when they feel like they have the virus. There just wasn't enough time to prepare. Cities, states, and countries are implementing curfews, closures, and “social distancing.”

It may seem as though I have weaved a fairly loose tapestry to get to this point in my rambling about what I feel may be a do-over. Yes, a do-over. Let’s just say that a “new normal” is slowly kicking in.

We’re already such an automated society that human interaction is limited at best.

.Long gone are the days of the milkman, mailboxes mounted to every front door, newspaper boy coming to collect each month. The grocery stores are doing well to have a couple of registers open, requiring the shopper to ring up their own purchases. Brick and mortar stores are almost a thing of the past as the information super highway has opened our world to internet shopping, with anything and everything at our fingertips. Click a button and it can be yours. Computers in our cars, our phones a virtual media center, and groceries delivered to our doors that allow us more free time to do... nothing.

It wasn’t too long ago that one would have to stand in line to register for college classes. That elephant left the room a while back. There are competent people out there with college degrees whom have never stepped into a classroom for instruction. People have complained about the public school system and a lot of parents have taken to home schooling their children over the past decade or so.

We have already taken ourselves out of so many situations where we have to intermingle and spend face time together. No, not facetime, which in itself is another way to distance people from each other. People are further apart physically, yet more closely connected than ever.

We get to today. We do have a chance for a do-over. If you are one of the thousands without employment today because your job was to see people on a daily basis, you can use this time to look into an online class or two to take to learn a new trade or finish that degree you kept promising yourself you would. There are businesses that will be closed for a few weeks, maybe months. The owners or managers can take advantage of that time to give the building a good scrubbing and prepare for the onslaught of shoppers suffering from cabin fever who will be coming in when the doors reopen.

We do have to rethink a lot of the ways we go about things. If you are a parent and feel as though you are stuck at home with your children, use this time to teach them. Have the younger children read out loud, work math problems as you teach them the value of money, and have them physically learn the value of work and contribution to the family. Make weeding the flower bed a lesson as you teach them about the bugs you see and the plants you are growing. Be involved.

Older children can learn a lot of real life situations from their parents during this break in the regular routine. Right now would be a great time to teach your kids how to balance a checkbook, sew on a button, change a tire, or cook a meal from a recipe. The day shouldn’t be wasted by sitting around in front of video games. It might be a time away from the school building, but we all can continue to learn.

if this physical virus is affecting our lives the way it is and we are so uncertain of what the future, both near and distant will bring, I am mortified of what a computer virus could do to our way of existence. It was brought to my attention earlier today that we would be devastated by what could happen if some terrorists attacked the computer systems we use. Mass communication would be obliterated, books would be a commodity as people have to relearn the way of doing things, and our society would have to rebuild. It just got real, folks. It just got real.

#new normal #newnormal #do-over #originalmemorieshere #wuhan outbreak #covid #covid19 #virus

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vi-sability · 7 years

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1-100

You fucker.

1. List 5 things you want to do before the year ends.

1) finish writing a book2) Get better at drawing3) Escape my family4) Uhhhh5) That’s about it

2. What color are your pants?

Black. Optimal punk rock.

3. Favorite motivational quote.

One step at a time.

4. When was the last time you drank coffee?

Coffee is disguisting.

5. What was the last thing you ate?

Rainbow sherbert

6. Favorite animal.

Wolf

7. Favorite song.

Equal rights, Equal lefts - Otep

8. Last movie you watched?

That was a while ago, uhm... probably ‘Imagine me and you’

9. Any turn ons?

A woman who would break me in half

10. Any turn offs?

Physical contact

11. List 4 big words off of the top of your head.

OnomatopoeiaAntidisestablishmentarismRetributionExperimental

12. What are some meaningful movies?

I don’t watch many movies, tbh. My attention span is way too short.

13. 2 most important people in your life right now?

My girlfriend for one, and I don’t really hold a second person above anybody else.

14. What are 3 things you want to do before the month ends?

1)Finish writing a book2)Get some money3) Walk up a hill without stopping to catch my breath

15. When was the last time you read a good book?

I finished one a couple days ago.

16. How long do you study for usually, if you study?

I don’t study, I haven’t been in school for 4 years

17. Do you have any nicknames?

When your full name is Quintessence, of course you’ll have nicknames. I’ve been called Quinn, Quinny, Q, my gf’s dad sometimes calls me Quinner the winner.

18. Favorite kind of perfume? (fruity, alluring, etc.)

None. It suffocates me.

19. Do you have any international friends / friends who live out of state?

All of them.

20. What is something unique that you do every single day?

Tap each of my facial piercings to check that they’re still there.

21. If there was a movie based on your life, what would it be called?

‘Fuck ups’

22. When was the last time you bought a gift for someone?

A while ago.

23. Are you a shopaholic?

I can barely stand for 5 minutes.

24. What are some songs that always make you feel better?

Anything by Otep, and some of Shinedown’s songs.

25. List 3 activities that you can only enjoy by yourself.

1) Reading2) Writing3) Drawing

26. If you could live in any biome (and survive) which biome would you live in?

If we can include Minecraft, dark jungle.

27. How do you like being roused in the morning?

I don’t. leave me alone.

28. How was your day? What did you do?

Boring, and nothing

29. What did your last text message say?

‘On my way’

30. Do you respond to texts quickly?

Yep.

31. Who was the last person you called?

My dad.

32. List 5 things that are on your wish list.

1) Drawing surface2) Pokémon toys3) Steampunk goggles4) Pokémon manga5) Electric guitar

33. If you were famous, what do you think you would be famous for?

Writing. I’m going to be famous for my writing.

34. Winter or summer?

Summer.

35. What is a quality that all people should have?

Patience.

36. If you could have a large collection of one item, what would that item be?

Games. I have a metric fuckton of games.

37. What have you been thinking about lately?

Fanfiction.

38. What is the secret to a happy life?

Patience.

39. What are some phrases you say often?

‘Fuck me.’ ‘What the fuck?’

40. Favorite food?

Nachos.

41. List 3 wishes.

1) Escape this house2) help everybody I can3) Spread creativity

42. What are some of your greatest fears?

I don’t have fears.

43. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?

Mass effect 2

44. Most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)?

My cats

45. Spicy food:Like or dislike?

Dislike.

46. Scary movies:Like or dislike?

Depends. I love The Grudge

47. Do you like to travel?

Never traveled

48. Any regrets?

Not going to see my mother for the last time.

49. Do you like rain?

When I’m not in it.

50. What do you spend most of your money on?

Magic: the gathering cards

51. Would you rather visit the past or the future?

Past

52. Favorite clothing store?

Don’t have one

53. What is the best advice you can give to those who are feeling down?

Take life one step at a time.

54. How often do you think about your future? Does it scare you?

Quite a lot, and no.

55. What angers you the most?

Homophobia

56. When was the last time you got majorly angry?

before I was a teenager

57. When was the last time you got really sad?

That’s my secret, cap. I’m always sad.

58. Are you good at lying?

Definitely.

59. What foreign language would you like to learn?

Russian

60. How many languages can you speak and what are they?

English, Korean, Elvish, and Dragon

61. How often do you go to parties? If you don’t, what do you do instead?

I don’t. I stay in my room.

62. What books do you plan to read this year?

Read my Demonata series again.

63. Do you have breakfast every morning?

Not every morning...

64. Tell us a secret.

I have no secrets.

65. How many concerts have you been to?

None, sadly.

66. Last hug?

Not for a good long while.

67. Who knows you better than anyone else?

My girlfriend

68. Baths or showers?

Baths. I can’t stand up for long.

69. Do you think you’re ambitious?

Incredibly.

70. What song is stuck in your head?

Enemies by Shinedown

71. Countries you’ve visited?

Just the one I live in.

72. What do you most value in your friends?

The fact that they can tolerate me.

73. What helps you to sleep better?

Heavy metal.

74. What is the most money you have ever held in your hand?

About £70. Sad, I know.

75. What makes you nervous?

Crowds.

76. What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Keep breathing. You can survive.

77. Is it easier to forgive or forget?

I have an eidetic memory. I forget nothing.

78. First mobile phone?

That’s a fucked up story.

79. Strangest dream?

That’s a little too... fucked up for me to talk about.

80. Best dream?

I once got one of my novel ideas from a dream.

81. Who is the smartest person you know?

*cough* myself.

82. Who is the prettiest person on tumblr?

@troubleshootingspacekangaroo

83. Do you miss anyone right now?

Not really.

84. Who do you love? Why?

My girlfriend for tolerating me.

85. Do you like sharing?

Physical items, no. Ideas, yes.

86. What was the last picture you took with your phone?

One of my cat.

87. Is there a reason behind everything that happens?

Karma or fate.

88. Favorite genre of music?

Heavy metal.

89. If you had one word to describe yourself, what would it be?

Patient.

90. Describe your life in 5 words.

1) painful2) Annoying3) Tiring4) Endless5) Boring.

91. Describe the world in 4 words.

1) Fucked2) Up.3) Stupid4) Pointless.

92. Craziest thing you’ve ever done?

Broke my sister’s nose because she broke one of my games.

93. First three songs in your favorite playlist?

All 3 by Otep. Fists fall, Invisible, and Equal rights, Equal lefts.

94. Are you more creative or logical?

A good mix of both.

95. Would you rather lie or hurt someone with the truth?

Lie.

96. What are you most proud of?

I’m not proud of anything.

97. What personality trait do you admire in other people?

Confidence.

98. When you imagine yourself as really, really relaxed and happy, what are you doing?

I can never imagine myself like that.

99. How do you usually start a conversation?

“Check out this cool thing!”

100. What is the best news you could hear right now?

“We’ve decided to send you far away!”

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