#im so saddened by how much we just brutalize ourselves and others around us

[professorbussywinkle]

This might just be me...but the whole reason I transitioned was so I could finally be at peace, so I wouldn't be so angry and upset all the time, so i could realize that other people's frustrations towards me were never about me, so I'd stop taking everything so personally and feeling like everything I did was wrong, so I could release my shame and self hatred, and become lighter...

So when I see so many young trans people just fuming with rage and composing tweet after tweet filled with fantasies of angry violence towards terfs or phobes for some dumb trivial shit they said or did, or making pervasive habits of routinely lashing out at fellow community members for any and all minor perceived moral transgressions it's just like...

...isn't that so tiring??

Isn't it so exhausting being so god damned upset over everything all the time?? Don't you wish you could lay down your weapon and just relax?? Don't you wanna become the person you can fall into a gentle loving embrace with at the end of the day, and finally feel safe and comfortable in your own skin?? Don't you wanna look in the mirror and, maybe, at first, not completely love yourself but at least think "yeah, I'm okay with this, I'm starting to be okay with the person staring back at me??"

The grace and compassion you need, needs to come from yourself first, towards yourself, because every time I see trans people acting out in this way towards others, the first thing I think of is how fucking mean they must be towards themselves in their head, and that just makes me really fucking sad...why are you so fucking mean to yourself...please...stop...stop being so cruel to yourself....

#okay whatever i made myself cry while writing this post because my heart bleeds for my community #my heart hurts when i see so many of us suffering so deeply #i wish i could just scoop all of you up and hold you while you bawl your eyes out #im so saddened by how much we just brutalize ourselves and others around us